That evening after everyone except
for Ryan had gone home (Maggie had even made Toby go home), and I had
managed to keep down the slop they tried to pass off for food, Maggie
came in and announced that the results of my CAT scan looked good and
that I'd be able to go home the next day. I was definitely thankful for
that. After being conscious for a little less than two days, I was
itching to get out of that damn hospital and back into Ryan's bed.
At one point, Maggie asked me if I'd like to have a funeral for my
and since she didn't have any living relatives who could be contacted
(except for me, of course), and no friends either, it was my decision.
I didn't want to make that kind of decision, because my now dead mother
currently wasn't on my list of favorite people. So I asked Maggie to
make the decision for me, and she decided the body would
be cremated. Maggie then asked me if I wanted to keep the ashes. I
didn't really see any reason to, after everything my mother had done to
me, but I told Maggie to let me think about it for a while. I did,
however, suggest that Nurse Gertrude might have a certain bodily
where they could be stored for the time being, which earned me a sharp
glare from Maggie.
Later that night, since Ryan had refused to go home, he stripped down
to his boxer-briefs and crawled into bed next to me. It was a tight
fit, but I was so happy to feel him next to me again that I didn't mind
at all. He wrapped his arms around me, although he was careful not to
squeeze too tightly, and we decided to watch CNN together on the
"I'm so glad that you're safe now, Connor," he whispered. "I really do
love you. I hope you know that."
"I do know, Ry. And I love you, too. I also want you to trust me.
You're the only one I want to be with, okay?"
"I know, babe," he said, giving me a gentle kiss on the forehead.
"Things may not be easy, but we're gonna try our best, right?"
"Absolutely," I said.
Thinking back on the sponge bath I had received from Ryan and Toby that
day, along with my cheap feel of the twins and the unexpected kiss from
Ben, I was feeling pretty horny. Considering what had happened to me
only a few days prior, I was a little surprised. Nevertheless, I
figured that a hospital wasn't an appropriate place to try to get it on
with Ryan, and I wouldn't want to be caught with my pants down and my
dick stuffed in Ryan's mouth were a nurse to come in unexpectedly to
check my vital signs or something, as they were prone to do. So I
begrudgingly decided that it could wait. At least I managed to get a
little "make out time" with him, though, and cop a quick feel of his
hard-on. And believe me, his mouth never tasted so good!
"Ryan, why didn't you get angry or yell at me about the thing with
Cody?" I suddenly asked.
"I guess I'm just a patient and forgiving guy," he replied, running his
fingers gently through my hair.
"But if I found out you'd been kissing some other boy, I probably
would've wanted to cut his balls off with a rusty knife," I said.
Well, I probably wouldn't have gone that far, but I certainly would've
freaked. I would have had the mother of all conniption fits, and I
didn't imagine it would've been a pretty sight.
Ryan chuckled softly. "I care about you, Connor. I love you. I didn't
want to give up that easily. And what would getting angry have solved?"
"It would've at least let me know what you were feeling," I replied. "A
lot of times, I just don't know what's going on in your head."
"I was really hurt," he admitted with a sigh. "But this is the first
time either of us has been in a relationship, you've been living a
horrible life, and I think maybe you just needed affection so badly you
would take it however you could get it. Not that I think you'd go
sleeping around and screwing every guy you saw ... but you get the
idea. Like I told you before, though, Cody's cute and sweet. It'd be
hard to blame you for kissing him. If I couldn't be with you for some
reason, I'd want you to be with someone like him. But anyway, I just
wanted to make sure that you felt the same way I did about you before
we got any more serious. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I guess so," I sighed. But I still wished he'd start telling me
how he felt about things a little sooner from now on, instead of
waiting for something dramatic to happen in order to get him to open
his mouth. I was his boyfriend, so why couldn't he confide in me?
"Get some sleep now, babe. You need to get your rest," he said, kissing
me gently on the forehead.
"Okay," I said dreamily, snuggling into him even more.
I eventually fell asleep in Ryan's warm embrace, his sweet scent
filling my nostrils, feeling happy and safe
in the knowledge that the next day I would be going "home" -- even if
it was only temporary -- and that I was loved. That was something I
hadn't felt in a long, long time.