Once the last of the guests were
and we'd done a reasonably good job of cleaning up, Ryan and I made a
beeline for the bedroom. Sure, I'd been horny before ... hell, I was
sixteen years old, so I was supposed to be horny. It was my job as a
teenager. But I'd never been that
horny before! All I could
think about was my face buried in Ryan's crotch, and sucking him until
I turned blue in the face.
Ryan had barely gotten the door closed before I was tugging at his
clothes in a frenzy, trying to get them off. We somehow managed to make
it to the bed, leaving a trail of clothes along the way, but not
without nearly tripping over each other a few times and me almost
biting poor Ryan's tongue off, as we tried to walk, strip, and kiss all
at the same time. So much for multi-tasking!
As soon as we were on the bed and I'd managed to yank down his
boxer-briefs, leaving them tangled around his ankles, I immediately
dove down onto his hard cock. The way he started writhing and moaning
loudly let me know that my skill had improved over the past few months.
Before I knew it, Ryan had lifted me up and shifted me into a
sixty-nine position, which was our favorite, and began returning the
favor. I gasped when I felt his warm mouth close around my erection, as
started bobbing up and down furiously, running his tongue along the
as he sucked. The way he was working on my cock like a pro made it a
toss up as to whether I preferred sucking him or getting sucked more.
I could tell Ryan was getting close as he started grunting more loudly
and his hands began fiercely kneading my ass cheeks. However, before my
mind had time to process what was happening, I suddenly felt a finger
slip in between my cheeks and start rubbing at my hole. The next thing
I realized, I'd jumped off of Ryan as though he'd just stuck me with a
cattle prod, and I found myself on the floor gasping for air and
uncontrollably. Funnily enough, I didn't even consider what had
just happened or why. I was more concerned that Ryan wouldn't go get
Maggie, because I really didn't want her to see me sitting buck naked
on the floor and wonder what had just been going on.
The next sensation I felt was Ryan's strong arms holding me tightly
against his body, rocking me gently back and forth, and I just started
bawling like a little baby. I was terrified, and at that moment, I
didn't know why ... which scared me even more. I don't know how long we
sat there on the floor with me crying my eyes out, but I eventually got
myself under control and we got back into bed, where Ryan continued to
hold me tightly.
He kept trying to get me to tell him what was wrong, but I wasn't so
sure myself. I was starting to worry that he was going to
think I was some kind of nutcase and decide to ditch me for someone a
little more stable. He had to think it was rather odd that I could go
from being so elated to being a sobbing wreck, lying on the floor, in a
matter of seconds.
I wasn't able to sleep that night, even wrapped up in the warm embrace
of my boyfriend. My mind was racing at
a million miles a minute. The only thing I finally managed to figure
out, after tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, was
that I freaked out when Ryan touched me "back there." And there was
really only one reason why that would freak me out. I'd really thought
I was fine, but it took me by surprise, and I didn't like that at all.
Needless to say, I was very depressed on Sunday. I spent most of the
day shut up alone in my room, trying to figure out what was going on in
my head, and why I couldn't control my emotions or the way my own body
reacted. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life living like that,
in constant fear of having a breakdown, not knowing
what little thing might trigger some kind of emotional reaction.
What pissed me off even more was that that
man still had so much control over my life. I couldn't be
with the boy I loved the way I wanted to be. Even though in my mind I
thought I was ready, my body couldn't trust him the way it should. I
always felt the safest when I was with Ryan, so I never imagined that
him touching me could possibly make me freak out like that. He should
be the last person on earth who could make me react that way. It wasn't
right, and it wasn't fair. I had everything I wanted now, but he still had a hold over me, and
even after two months, he wasn't letting go.
I ended up sitting at my electric piano, tinkering away at the keys,
which I normally did when I was upset or deep in thought. I was
determined that I wasn't going to let him
control me like that anymore. I was going to fight back. It was my life and my body, not his. Without even
realizing what I was doing, I had started to play the opening bars of
Elton John's "I'm Still Standing." I was going to re-take control of my
life, dammit, or die trying!
On Monday afternoon, right after school, I marched into Dr. Frazier's
office with a newfound determination.
"I want my boyfriend to be able to fuck me," I declared as soon as I
opened the door to his office.
Seeing the shocked look on the doctor's face, as opposed to the neutral
expression he usually wore, told me that perhaps I might have been a
bit too abrupt. But I wasn't in the mood to beat around the proverbial
bush. I told him what happened and informed him in no uncertain terms
that I wanted to be "fixed" as soon as possible. Needless to say, I was
disappointed when he told me that there was no quick fix to my little
"problem," although he did suggest something that he called
The doctor said that part of the problem was that I hadn't been
what happened, and it took me by surprise. So, Ryan and I should start
practicing, beginning with him just touching me gently back there
and seeing how that went, and very slowly progressing further and
didn't go into great detail as to what we were to progress to, but I
think I got the picture. I was also supposed to remain conscious of
exactly what was going on and what I was feeling, and to stop Ryan if I
started to feel uncomfortable. And then the doctor and I would discuss
my feelings during our appointments. I was definitely willing to give
it a shot, even though I was afraid that this kind of "practice" would
make love-making with my boyfriend feel more like a science experiment.
The first few nights of practice were difficult, with me instinctively
jerking away as soon as Ryan touched me, even though he was exceedingly
gentle and patient. Eventually, I got comfortable with him just
touching me lightly, and we were able to move on to him gently rubbing
around my hole. Once I got over my initial hesitation, it actually
started to feel good.
After another week or so, when I was comfortable enough with that, Ryan
then surprised me by replacing his finger with his tongue, gently
lapping around my hole and tracing up and down my crack. The feeling I
got from that was more about self-consciousness than fear, because I
was afraid of not being clean enough and grossing him out or something.
But I soon got over that when I realized how damn good it felt. That
was also the first time since we had started our little "experiment"
that it didn't feel like a school science project. We both really
got into it, ending up lying on the bed next to each other, panting,
and each of us with the other's cum dribbling down our chins.
One night toward the end of the month, Ryan brought a jar of Vaseline
to bed with us. I started to get a little panicky, thinking he was all
ready to "go for the gold," and I didn't think I was quite ready for
"Ummm ... Ryan ... I ... uhhh ... don't think I wanna do that yet," I
stuttered. The past few weeks had been wonderful, but I hadn't expected
him to want to go all the way quite so soon.
"Babe, that's not what I had in mind," he said gently, sitting down
naked on the bed beside me and tenderly touching my face. "Just trust
me, Connor. Do you think you're ready to do that yet?"
I just nodded dumbly, lost in the entrancing stare of his deep green
I watched him as he removed the cap from the jar of Vaseline and put a
generous dollop on his index finger. He then leaned over and gave me a
soft kiss on the tip of my nose, whispering, "I love you." That in
itself was enough to make my heart flutter and me more than willing to
along with whatever he had planned.
All the while looking me in the eyes, he
gently spread my legs apart. I then felt a cool, sticky finger press
softly at my hole and begin to circle around slowly. It felt so much
better with the lubricant than it had before when his finger was dry --
although I still preferred his tongue to anything else.
After Ryan had massaged the Vaseline tenderly around my hole for
minutes, I felt a slight pressure as his finger begin to gently
press into my ass. I immediately tensed up, but then forced myself to
calm down, focusing on his intense gaze and the feelings of love I had
for him. As soon as I got myself under control, he pushed in a little
further, and I suddenly felt the most indescribable sense of pleasure
surge through my body. After a few minutes of that, I had to beg Ryan
to suck me off, because I felt like my balls were about to explode.
Once we had gotten past that little hurdle, we added "the finger" to
our love-making each night, and it made my orgasms that much more
intense. I didn't know if I was ready yet for Ryan's cock, but I was
However, our "anal exploration" wasn't the only thing going on in
March. Ryan tried out for the school's baseball team, and of course
getting a starting position at third base on the junior varsity team.
Apparently, that was considered impressive, since it was his first time
for the team. As expected, his afternoon practices
cut into the amount of time we could spend together, but I was glad to
see him involved in something again. I also didn't mind it when he came
home from practice in his baseball uniform, all nice and sweaty.
Mikey seemed to be doing better as well, and went to every GSA meeting.
I was more lax in that department, and only ended up going once,
although I still planned on fulfilling my commitment to perform at the
Spring Fair. Other than that, life went on, occupied mostly with school
and spending time with my friends, which I was doing more and more of,
especially since Ryan was busy with baseball practice. Having my own
car also helped, as I could go hang out with Cody,
Mikey, or the twins whenever I wanted.
Toby came down with a couple more short bouts of the flu, though, and
for the first time that I could remember, he actually had to miss a few
days of school. He did get better after the day of my party, but a week
later, ended up with another cold. In general, he just didn't really
seem to be his
usual cheerful self. On the bright side, though, he and Cody were
still doing great together. I'd finally gotten over my "clingy" fear of
letting Toby spend the night at Cody's house, and I could imagine
that they were enjoying the privacy.
And, of course, with each passing day, I was getting more and more
excited about our three-day trip to Las Vegas to see Elton John during
Spring Break! Woo-hoo!