Date: Sat, 15 Jan 2011 12:06:20 -0800 (PST) From: K Davids Subject: some sense of security/ in search of solid ground ch. 7 This story is pure fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the reader. This story contains sexual contact between to underage males if this is illegal to read where you live then please hit the back button now!! Everything in this story is made up, the names and people are fake: they are not real; I did not base them off people I know! Please do not copy or paste this anywhere else, but please feel free to email me k.davids@ymail.com ----------------------------------------------------------- Hey everyone thank you for the awesome comments and thank you for dealing with the errors...I still don't know how the hell that happened but I am working on it so it doesn't happen again. ----------------------------------------------------------- In the end it's not about what you have. In the end it's all about where you want to go And the roads you take to help you get there. I hope you think that's fair Cause you've only got one life to lead. So don't take for granted those little things. Those little things are all that we have. ~This is The House That Doubt Built~ A Day to Remember ----------------------------------------------------------- Characters Chasen: Age 16- Main Character Braiden: Age 16-Chasen's boyfriend Ian: nearly a year old-Braiden's son Kevin: Chasen's Father Caroline: Chasen's Step Mother Ryan: Age 16- Chasen's Brother Kyle: Age 15- Chasen's Brother Lexie: Age 14- Chasen's Sister ----------------------------------------------------------- ~Chasen~ I bolt upright in bed, again just like the past three nights, I wake up drenched in sweat. The sheets on my bed have tangled themselves around me, trapping me and suffocating me, they feel like chains. I kick them off and lay back on my bed. I can't sleep, its four in the morning, honestly I don't want to sleep anymore, not if these dreams keep happening, I don't know why I am having them. My bed is even drenched in sweat. I push myself off the bed and wander over to my dresser and find a new shift to throw and find my shoes and slip them on. I slowly creep out of my room, I feel along the walls because I don't trust myself to be able to stand up straight on my own. I stop dead in the hall when I see a silhouette, fear strikes, and my heart starts to pound faster as the silhouette comes closer to me. "Chasen what are you doing?" the silhouette says to me now that it's right in front of me. I am able to breathe again, and the fear starts to subside it's just Kyle, "Kyle what are you doing up?" I ask. He hugs me, "I'm not feeling to good I just threw up..." "Why didn't you go tell Dad or Caroline?" I ask him bending to a knee to come face to face with him. I can tell from the moonlight that shines in the window at the end of the hall that he is feeling bad, he is paler than usual, and I see the beads of sweat on his forehead where his hair is pushed up. "I didn't want to wake them up again, I have been bugging them so much lately." he tells me looking sadder. I take him by the shoulders and steer him back to his room, "come on let's get you back to bed. It's like three in the morning." He lets me lead him into his room, its dark in his room, which isn't unusual no one ever really comes into his room, I think since the few months of me being here this is like the third time in his room. I help him lay back down into his bed, which I notice it's like a queen size, I feel him shiver, I feel bad for him, I wished I could help him. I make sure to tuck him in and I kneel down by his bed I kiss his forehead and start to leave. As I am getting up he grabs my hand, "Please, Chasen don't leave me yet......could you stay till I fall asleep please?" he asks in a low whisper. It comes to a shock to me, I never have been put in the role as an older brother, but I feel good that he trusts me. Kyle doesn't really reach out I noticed. So I nod my head and climb over him and lay down beside him. He turns towards me, "Thanks. Chasen can I ask you a question?" "Yeah, little man." I tell him. He snuggles up to me, and I can tell he is burning up, but I don't mind, I doubt I will catch whatever he has, "Why where you up? Are you ok? I been hearing you talk loud while your asleep lately." I put my arm around him, "I'm ok buddy, let's just get some rest ok, it will make you feel better." I laid there with him, soon I felt his breathing become regular and I knew he was fast asleep, I didn't want to move just yet. I used the time to mull over my reoccurring dreams. They scared me, and I hated to be scared. I turned to look at the clock and it read three forty five. I slowly climbed off the bed, I double checked and made sure enough Kyle was fast asleep. I walked out of his room slowly closing the door to make sure he didn't wake up. I walked across the hall to my room and grabbed my shoes and put them on. I went to my dresser and put on deodorant, I need to get out of the house and run, I didn't bother with a shirt, I hate wearing shirts when running, they get all clingy. I slowly made my way out the door and made sure I locked it with the key that is placed inside the fake rock near the door. I start off in a nice slow pace; I start to speed up my muscles, adjusting to the speed. It feels good to work away my problems...but I can seem to shake these nightmares I guess you wouldn't be able to call them dreams if I wake up scared like I always do. I start to slow down, this isn't working! I mentally cuss myself, I think I am going crazy! I look around to even see if I know where I am. I look at the house I stopped in front of, I was in front of Braiden's house. I don't know why I stopped here I know he is fast asleep, but at this moment I just wanted him to hold me. Even though his room was on the second floor, outside of his window there was like a ladder thing that they used for the ivy plant to climb on and grow. So I carefully tested it to make sure it would hold my weight and it was sturdy, I climbed up to his window. I softly knocked on it, I saw him stir...I hope I don't wake Ian up! I knock again lightly and I see him sit up, and look over at the window. I took a step down so when he opened the window I didn't fall or anything. I waited impatiently as he groggily made his way over and lifted up the window. I watched his head poke out of the window and look at me, "Chasen? What are you doing?" "I don't really know honestly, I just needed you." I tell him. Honestly I didn't know why I was there; I just needed him to hold me. "Well come in." he tells me reaching for my hand and helps me through the window. He helps me steady myself after my climb through the window. I fall into his arms and hug him. He hugs me back, "What is wrong babe?" "Just a lot! Well no not a lot, I can't sleep I haven't slept in a while. Every time I do I have these nightmares! I wake up scared, sweating and shaking." I tell explain even though I feel like a fool. He runs his hand through my hair as he soothes me, "Come on babe lets lay down." He tells me leading me to the bed. I see that he is in just his boxers, he looks so good in them the light from the window shining on him gives him this glow. I feel safe already. We lay down on the bed, and I lay right beside him putting my head on his chest. Just like I did the night I stayed and watched movies. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up, did I wake Ian?" I ask with concern. He bends down and kisses my head, "No he's at his grandparents." "But, tomorrow is only going to be Thursday?" I ask not understanding. He lets out a little laugh, "yeah I know. They are going to a family reunion." He explains. I look up, "Won't Riley be there?" He sighs, "more than likely, it's her family." "Are you scared she will take him, or do something stupid?" I ask looking up at him. "I am always worried about what the crazy witch will do, I can't stand her, but I'm not going to refuse her the right to see her son. I don't trust her as far as I could throw her. I do however trust the Patterson's." he tells me and puts his arm around me. I kiss his chest, "Well that's good that you trust them." "They try to help whenever they can." He says, "Babe what is going on with you, what are the nightmares about?" he asks. I shudder, "I don't want to talk about them right now." "Okay well then we should try to get some sleep." He says and pulls the cover up on both of us. I'm running down a long corridor, it only seems to get longer and I can't stop running because I know she is there right behind me. I can feel her eyes on me! I can hear her swinging the belt back and forth, I hear the swooshing through the air. Then he steps out of the shadows and hits me in the face like he did at the party, right when I found out he cheated on me. That's when the blows start from my mother with the belt, the leather biting my skin. I hear Tanner laughing at me with every blow I receive from the belt. I look up at him and try to cry out to him, but it's not really Tanner it is but his face is disfigured, it's like swirled and contorted, I look to my mom to try and beg her to stop, and it's the same with her the face is disfigured. That's when the laughing starts as my mother continues to hit me with the belt, I look and see Braiden, Ryan, Kyle, Lexie, Caroline, and even my dad laughing at me, their faces are the same. I hear them telling me I deserve to be beat that I did all this, it's my entire fault! ~Braiden~ I feel Chasen start to shake. I didn't think about it but he starts to move more wildly, I open my eyes and he is whimpering, and starting to yell, I try to talk to him, and wake him up but he is fighting with the covers now. "Chasen! Chasen! Babe wake up, it's just a nightmare baby, wake up!" I tell him while I shake him. He wakes up screaming and starts to cry, I don't know what to do. I try to reach out a hand to him, "Chasen are you ok?" It brings tears to my eyes to see him rocking back and forth holding his knees he is covered in swear, I move closer to him and wrap my arms around him, "Babe it's ok. It was just a bad dream." He grabs me and puts his face to my chest, and I hear him start sobbing harder, I wished I knew what to do. I feel horrible for him. I hold him while he cries. He finally stops, "I'm so sorry..." he whimpers to me. "Hey babe," I tell him and pick his head up, "Don't apologize for anything, you did nothing wrong." I tell him and kiss him. "I shouldn't of came over and woke you up cause all this mess happened!" he says. "It's ok! Chasen I am your boyfriend, I don't care if I don't get any sleep as long as you're ok. That's what makes me happy. Now what did you dream about?" I ask trying to understand what's going on. "I don't want to tell you, you will see how screwed up I am!" he tells me with his eyes full of tears. I hold him, "Chasen, you aren't anymore screwed up than I am, ok. You just had a harder life than most, please babe." He looks up and tries to gain his composure. I sit patiently as he starts to explain the dream to me, I can see how hard it is to explain something so terrible and I can feel him tense as he gets to certain parts. I hold him after he has told me, he is sobbing so hard I am scared that he will pass out, "babe calm down ok, it's just a nightmare ok no one will ever hurt you like that again." After awhile the sobs start to fade, and before I know it he is passed out against my chest, I feel his breathing return to normal. I keep stroking his hair and I eventually dose off to the rhythm of his breathing against me. I wake up a few hours later and he is still asleep on my chest. I move him softly off me so I can go use the rest room. I slowly tip toe to the restroom, trying hard not to wake him up, I empty my full bladder and it is such a relief to do so. I walk back into the room and he is awake propped up against the back board of my bed. "Hey sleepy head." I say and smile at him. "Hi......I have the biggest headache ever!" he mumbles. I laugh, "Because you had a rough night last night babe." "I am sorry Bray." He says. "Chasen I told you it is fine ok?" I tell him as I sit back on the bed. "Thanks..." he says hugging me. "So to take your mind off of bad dreams, are you ready for school?" I ask. He looks at me, "Wait when does it start?" I laugh, "In about two weeks man." "NO WAY! really? I am not ready for it at all, I am nervous and scared!" he says looking at me with the most innocent face. I laugh harder, "Dude relax, it's just school besides you will have your family there and you will have me." "Yeah, you're forgetting one thing we are boyfriends now and I am pretty sure you are not even out." He says. I shift uncomfortably on the bed, "No I am not out yet at school but I will be." I tell him. "No I don't want you to ruin your life, not because of me." He says. This upsets me a little bit, "Chasen I was gay before I knew you and before we started going out I planned on coming out this year! I don't care what happened in your past, I am not Tanner. I like you and I don't care who knows and who doesn't like it!" He jumps onto me and kisses me, "Bray, did I ever mention how cute you are when you get frustrated with me?" I just laugh, "Did I ever mention how incredibly cute you are no matter what?" He kisses me again, and I kiss him back, we start to get into a heavy make out session, he is grinding against me and I have to push him off. "Babe slow down." I tell him. "I am sorry just I can't help myself." He says blushing. He boldly makes a move to my shorts and starts to pull them down. I get a little nervous, I shift uncomfortably. He notices me do this he stops and starts to kiss me more. He slowly slips his tongue into my mouth; we massage each other's tongues for awhile, and slowly kissing. He starts to rub against the crotch of my shorts causing me to start to get hard. I let my hands begin to roam all over his back down to his cute bubble butt, and I squeeze it making him moan in pleasure. He in returns now grabs my fully rock hard cock through my shorts causing me to moan loud, he presses he lips over my mouth. I slip my hands down the back of his shorts and I grab his ass, it's so smooth and I rub both of the cheeks. I tease him by slowly tracing my finger along the fold of his cheeks, I kiss him harder. He starts to work his hand into my shorts; he makes his way past the band of my boxers, and grabs my hard cock and gives it a firm squeeze, causing me again to moan. He just gives me his wicked little smile. "Babe, we can't do this." I whisper in between kisses. "Why can't we I want this." He whimpers back. I stop kissing him and remove my hand from his shorts, "Babe...I know you're not and neither am I. I like you so much but I don't want our first time to be well like this, I want it to be great!" He removes his hands from my shorts, "Your right babe. I just got so caught up kissing you kind of let go." "Well I would love to keep kissing, but I need to get to work in about fifteen minutes." I tell him kissing him and getting up. "FINE!" he says and smiles at me. He lies back on my bed as I look around for a shirt I want to wear, as I am digging through my closet, I hear his phone go off. "Hey..." he says Even though I cannot hear the voice on the other end of the line, I see his face grow worried, and he hangs up quick. "What's wrong babe?" I ask. "I have got to go, that was my dad he said I needed to come home ASAP, there's an emergency." He says getting up looking pale already. I walk over to him and put my arms around him, "Babe I will drive you home ok? Don't stress just yet we don't know what it is. It could be minor emergency." I tell him. He nods his head and I kiss his forehead. I throw on some deodorant and sandals. "Let's go." I tell him leading down the stairs from my room. I can tell he is worried so I don't think twice about speeding to his house, so that he can find out what is going on with his family. We arrive faster than I think, plus I need to book it and get to work I have like five minutes before my shift starts. I hug him and kiss him, "Babe let me know ok?" I tell him. He nods back and gets out of the car. I watch as he walks towards the door. He looks back at me and gives me a very forced smile. He opens the door and heads in, I sit there watching, I don't know why but I felt that something bad just happened and he doesn't really need that right now. I pulled out of the drive way so I could start heading to work. My mind is reeling from everything that has went down today even though the make out session and grabbing session was so hot. ~Chasen POV~ It felt like my lungs were failing on me as I was opening the door to my house, I didn't know what was going on. Fact is with all the nightmares I didn't really what to know what is happening. I walked in and it was quiet, that right there didn't make me feel and better, "Dad?" I holler out. "In here in the dining room son." I hear him say. It wasn't his normal cheerful voice. I started to walk towards the dining room, everything in my head shouted not to go into that dining room, that nothing there would be good. But me being me I didn't listen I walked into the dining room. They were all sitting at the table; Dad, Caroline, Ryan, Lexie, and even Kyle. The problem was that they all had sad expression on their face like they didn't believe what had happened. "Dad, what's going on?" I ask getting even more nervous. "Son, I think you need to take a seat." My dad said pointing to one that was left open for me right next to him. "No I am fine what is going on what's the emergency?" I asked getting irritated. "Chasen I really wished you would sit down." He tells me again. "Just tell me already what the huge emergency is!" I say getting more upset. My dad sighs and looks over at Caroline, who just nods her head as if to say just tell him. "Chasen it's about Tanner..." I shift uncomfortably I don't like talking about him with family, "What about him." "Son, he was killed in a car wreck last night..." he says very slowly. "Everything in my brain just exploded, I couldn't believe what I just heard, "What did you just say?" I ask him looking at him. "Tanner died late last night early this morning from a car wreck, someone ran a red light, and hit him on the driver's side, they had him in the ICU unit but his body had suffered too much trauma." My dad says getting up out of his seat. I stared at him blankly, I couldn't even feel anything in my body it was like, I had been hit in the stomach. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.....Tanner my Tanner dead? "Dad..my...Tan..." is all I could manage to get out, and my knees gave out and I fell to the floor, before I knew it I was crying so hard. My dad runs over to me and kneels and wraps me in his arms and holds me, he tries to consol me and soothe me, but it's not doing any good. I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I couldn't even think straight. Everything was blurring I couldn't breathe. I kept hearing multiple voices but I couldn't tell them apart. I couldn't stop myself from crying... ----------------------------------------------------------- I open my eyes, my head feels like it's about to explode there is pain behind my eyes, I reach up to hold my head and I feel a body next to me. I look over and it's Tanner. I look around we are in his room but it's not quite his room, it looks fake, I don't understand it, but I don't care at the moment. I smile, as he looks up at me, "You're alive!" I whisper smiling to him. He just smiles at me, "only inside of you now Chasen..." My smile falters, "You mean this is just a dream isn't it?" He nods his head, "Yeah, I am just something you made up because you know we'll never see one another again and wanted to see me, I guess one last time." "I don't believe that your gone, it isn't supposed to be like this...I still love you just I am with Braiden now." I tell him as a tear leaks from my eyes. He gives me that smile that used to make my knees weak, "I know you are, and I am sorry for everything I did to you, I am proud of you. You are such a great person Chasen..." "I am going to miss you." I tell him... "Don't do that you, have got a good boyfriend, hey I had my chance. I am going to miss you too..." he says smiling. "Yeah Braiden is pretty amazing to me, I wished we could have talked when you were here. There's so much I needed to say." I tell him. He smiles, "its water under the bridge bud, my times up I have to go." "So soon?" I ask. He nods his head and leans in and kisses me on my cheek, "Look after Aaron ok? You know you and I were the only ones he clinged too." I just nod as he starts to walk away, I start to tear up again...I watch him as he fades till I cannot see him anymore and I know he is gone... "Chasen! Chasen! Wake up, wake up!" I hear someone screaming. ----------------------------------------------------------- I slowly open my eyes, my dad is leaning over me, "Buddy you ok?" I just nod and grab my head, "Dad..." I say before I choke up and the tears come back again. He sits with me and holds me, I can't help it I just cry and I don't know what to do, I feel as if I have lost something so important to who I am now, that I don't know how I am supposed to go on... "It's ok Chosen, it's going to be ok..." my dad whispers to me. While he rocks back and forth with me. I don't know at this point I don't think I can feel anything I feel numb to everything, I don't know how he expects me to think it's going to be ok for me when my first love is dead, he is dead lying on some cold metal table in a freezer dead... "Why couldn't it be that bitch of a mother of mine that died instead of him!" I scream out. My shock the hell out of my father, with that outburst. I can't do this...I can't just sit here on the floor. I shove away from my dad...and run blindly up to my room. As I am running up the stairs, I hear my dad call after me. He tries to come after me as I look back I see Caroline stop him, I am glad she does. I don't think I can be around him right now or anyone... I run to my room and slam the door... I slide down and sit with my back to the door. I wrap my arms around my knees, I can't stop crying I just don't understand why it had to be Tanner... I loved him, maybe not the same type of love I once did but he was the that saved me. I remember when he first talked to me, I was walking home from work it was storming but I didn't care it was better than being at home and he pulled over and made me let him give me a ride home... I remember our first kiss... it was so great, I remember us touching each other, the bracelet he gave me. The smile he gave me when I said I would go out with him. I hear a knock at my door, "Chasen, can I come in?" Lexie asks. "Please just go away! I don't want to talk to anyone." I tell her in between catching my breath from crying. I can't, talk to her I don't want to be hugged or anything I just I don't know what I want.....I just feel so numb except for this gaping hole in my heart...yes that's what is making me numb. I guess after about ten minutes after Lexie leaves there is another knock on my door. "Go away!" I shout. "Chasen get the hell out of the way and let me in." Ryan says. It doesn't register with me that this wasn't him asking that he was telling actually me to move, I scoot out from in front of the door and open it. He walks in and he doesn't even stop. He walks right over to me and pulls me off the floor and embraces me with a hug. "You have to stop pushing us away... We are your family. Damn it I am almost your twin! You can't handle this on your own Chasen I don't care how strong you think you are." I just let him hug me, I don't try to fight him, I know he is right......just I've never had family be there for me when something has happened to me before, my mother didn't give a fuck about me. "Dad is on the phone to the airlines, I am going with you." He tells me still hugging me. "Going where?" I manage to choke out. "Florida, to his funeral..." he says. I try to push away. "I can't go! I won't!" He holds me out, I can't help but look back at him, "yes you are. If you don't go Chasen you will regret it and I am not going to have that happen. I may not have thought much of him when he was here, but I am going to support you and his family is amazing. I know how happy you are now Chasen, if you don't go it will eat at you and you won't forgive yourself..." I give up trying to fight against him, I know he is right and I don't want to regret if I didn't go, "your right..." He smiles at me, "I know I am. I am older than you." I smile back and there is a knock on the door frame we both turn and look. It's Braiden. "I will let you to talk." Ryan says and he leaves. Braiden rushes over to me and hugs me, "You ok babe?" I just shrug, "I don't know..." I tell him. He just hugs me, "Chasen, I care so much about you, I hate that you're in pain... but Ryan is right you need to go." I look at him, "You're not going to be mad?" "No babe, you loved him! I could never be mad at you for going to say good bye... plus Aaron is going to need you, I will be here when you get back waiting for you." Braiden tells me then kisses me on the lips. ----------------------------------------------------------- Well that is Chapter 7! Please don't hate me for the huge twist in the story! Thank you guys for sticking with me through all this! The move is not going to happen I touched on an explanation on the yahoo group just some of the things I found out did not settle with me so I am staying that way I know everyone can have access to it, remember join the yahoo group to keep updated on everything! Chapter 8, will be the funeral and the return home, and maybe even the start of school we will see how Chasen acts after the funeral and maybe we will see Aaron again. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ssos_isosg/?yguid=467044529 KD KD, You fucking prick lol you are one evil egh !!!! I don't know about anybody else but I sure as hell didn't see that coming. I bet KD is just laughing his ass off at my reaction. I guess when he says a twist it's a TWIST! lol. I'm speechless ........ Sorry guys I was late emailing this back to KD, hope you guys aren't too upset, I know KD was :( *puppy dog look* KD: Yet I still have to correct your comments......