Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2011 17:58:44 -0800 (PST) From: K Davids Subject: Some sense of security/In Search of Solid Ground Ch. 8 part 1 In Search of Solid Ground ch 8 part 1 This story is pure fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the reader. This story contains sexual contact between two underage males, if this is illegal to read where you live then please hit the back button now!! Everything in this story is fictional, the names and characters are created by me: they are not real; I did not base them off people I know! Please do not copy or paste this anywhere else, but please feel free to email me k.davids@ymail.com ----------------------------------------------------------- The Funeral-Part 1 ----------------------------------------------------------- heart of gold with a soul to match I never thought anything could hold me back I'm waiting, I'm always waiting I packed my bags, and never looked back I didn't know this would be the last I saw you I never called you ~Hawthorne Heights~ BOY ----------------------------------------------------------- Characters Chasen: Age 16 - Main Character Braiden: Age 16 - Chasen's boyfriend Ian: nearly a year old-Braiden's son Kevin: Chasen's Father Caroline: Chasen's Step Mother Ryan: Age 16 - Chasen's Brother Kyle: Age 15 - Chasen's Brother Lexie: Age 14 - Chasen's Sister ----------------------------------------------------------- (Chasen's POV) I haven't slept in two days nor have I ate anything. I can't... It's so hard to believe that I can't even bring myself to utter that... he's really gone. Everything over the last two days has been a blur. "Babe...you awake?" I hear Braiden ask. I just nod my head and fight back the tears that threaten to spill from my sleep deprived eyes. "You need to try and sleep a little bit." He says moving closer to me. "I can't." I mutter to him. I feel bad I haven't spoken a full sentence since the day I found out, how can I, it's as if no words will form. I have nothing to say, nothing that will come out that isn't a pain. I hear him sigh, "Chasen then you need to eat something. Babe this isn't good." I just look at him; I don't know what he expects me to say to him. I sit up and put my feet on the floor, my back facing Braiden now as he is lying on my bed. I just look over to my dresser, I just can't look him in the eye right now. I feel him move off the bed and he kneels in front of me and puts his chin on my knee, "Babe...I have to go, I have to go get Ian, and drop him off to my mom so I can go into work. I wished I could take you and Ryan to the airport." I just look at him, trying to fight back the tears, "it's ok." I whisper. He moves and kisses my on the forehead, "Please let me know when you land or something." He says with a pleading look. I nod and kiss him on his cheek, "I will..." I watch him start to walk away, and I know he feels bad. It's not his fault, I hope he knows that, "Braiden!" "Yes?" he says turning around to look at me. "I am sorry..." I say looking at him. He comes back and leans over me and kisses me softly on the lips, "none of this is your fault, I would be in the same condition if I was put in your position, please babe be careful." We hear someone clear their throat from the hallway, it's Ryan. He is dressed in jeans and an aero shirt. "You ready?" he asks looking at me. I bite my lip and look at Braiden and look back to Ryan, "I guess ready as I ever will be." Braiden, bent down and kissed my forehead again and ruffled my hair, "Text me soon ok." He said as he left the room. Ryan walks in farther and sits beside me, "So you and him really are together?" I just nod my head, "Let's go before I change my mind about this whole situation." I say getting up off the bed and reaching for my duffel bag that has my clothes in it, including the black suit I had to wear for the funeral. I look back as I walk out of my room, I just really don't want to face this yet. I know that things from this moment on will not be the same. I don't want to actually go and say goodbye, but Ryan is right if I don't I will regret this. Ryan takes my bag from me as I slowly walk down the stairs; I see Kyle and Lexie at the bottom of the stairs of course with Dad and Caroline. I try to fake the smallest smile but I can't even do that. "Can I hug you?" Kyle asks looking at me, afraid of the answer. Even though I don't feel like being touched at all not even from my dad, I do this, because it's the right thing to do. I know if I deny this he would take it personally and I don't think he can take rejection or I, the look of pain that I would cause. I just slowly nod my head and he moves over and hugs me. As Kyle is hugging me Lexie bursts out in tears, "I hate this!" she moans out. She moves to me and wraps her arms around my neck; I fight back the tears that are threatening to spill over my eyelids. "I wished you didn't have to go through any of this." Lexie says as she is hugging me. "Yall be careful!" I hear my dad say as he hugs Ryan and then me. He steps back and looks at both of us, it looks like he wants to cry but he's fighting it. "Let's go boys we need to get to the airport before yall miss your flight." Caroline says sniffling. We started to walk to the car; the sun had barely broken the dawn. Even the dew was still on the grass, and the air still had that crisp cool chill to it still. Goosebumps rose on my arm from the change of temperature. No one spoke on the way to the airport. It really wasn't necessary, there was nothing that could be said to get me out of this rut that I was slowly sinking in. I rest my head against the window, I am so tired my eyes are screaming for me to close them, but I can't do that though. If I close them I know I will see Tanner, but not my Tanner, it's a different one I see, a broken one. The one that will be lying in a casket and I don't want to see that one. I look at the buildings as they create a colorful blur as we speed by them; I mentally curse myself for having my thoughts turning to Tanner. I hate that I never got to say goodbye, to hug him once more. I see Ryan look at me from the corner of my eye, I feel horrible, Ryan has stepped up and hasn't left my side. He has spent every minute with me since I found out that Tanner died. He has barely slept at all, he wasn't looking his best but he hasn't complained at all. We pull into the airport, we asked Caroline not to park the car, that it would just be easier if she dropped us off, well Ryan suggested it. I think it was for more my sake then anything. He knows how hard this is hitting me lately and I just can't seem to take any more people feeling sorry for me. Caroline helped us with our bags, and kisses both of us on the cheek, "Now yall have your boarding passes, the money, and your phones?" "Yes mom." Ryan says. "Yes..."I say and hug her again. She hugs me again and kisses me on the cheek one more time, "Be safe boys." She tells us and gets back into the car. We watch her pull away and weave into the traffic. As we watched her taillights go Ryan put his arm around me. "Well little bro let's get through security, and I don't know about you but I need some sleep." ----------------------------------------------------------- (Aaron's POV) I throw the shirt that I thought would look decent on the floor, it just didn't fit right... today was a day that felt wrong to me, I woke up crying still from the death of Tanner. I still can't believe it. Not even the pain from my mouth caused by the stupid braces can distract my thoughts.. I peer into my closet again...I have so much stuff in it from both of my moms thinking that they could just buy my love since they are never around to get it freely. I try to calm myself down, but sadly it's not helping right now, both the emotionally and physical pain are too much for me to deal with. I have had to fight the urge to make myself throw up the last few weeks, but the will has begun to weaken. I stand looking in my closet and I just start to cry and I fall onto the floor. I hear a knock at my door, I just feel like shit so I don't even bother telling whoever it is to come in, but I already know it's my mom. She opens the door and walks in. "Aaron, get up off the floor." She tells me as she sits on the edge of my bed, "Come sit beside me." She says patting the space next to her. I slowly move over to her, she looks at me with the same colored eyes I have, greenish blue, I wish I could say that they showed sympathy in them but I didn't really see it in her eyes. If it was there she didn't show it. "Aaron I know you are sad, Pam and I have talked about this last night, you cannot let this get you down. I know this is sounding inconsiderate but you have a really big life changing things happening in the next few weeks and you need to be focused on moving on with your life, you have a script to memorize. This is just a little bump in the road." She tells me looking at me. I feel my heart just crack right then and there, how can she be more worried about this stupid movie when I just lost someone who cared and loved me more than they do! I just look back at her, "Yeah I know. Can you please close my door on your way out, I need to find my suit for the funeral tomorrow." I tell her with no emotion. "Ok, Aaron. Pam and I have a meeting in an hour, there are leftovers in the fridge for you to eat." She tells me getting up kissing my forehead. I watch her walk out of my room and I want to scream! I hate her! How can she not show anything for me at this point! I walk into the bathroom. I don't want to do this but I feel so sickened I lift the toilet seat up. I feel myself start to tremble, I take off my shirt and look at myself I feel gross, I take my cell phone out, I don't need to get it messy. I kneel down and this is how it starts, I don't want to do this but I can't help it. I force my finger into my mouth and down my throat, and I feel the bile start to rise. I puke for what seems forever and I slump back against the wall, I feel worse than before, I did it. I feel so exhausted I pull my knees up to my chest and I start to cry. I cry because I feel even more alone now when my parents are here. I keep crying thinking about how I wished Tanner would come in through the door and come sit by me and pull me close and make me feel safe like he did so many nights after Chasen left. He was trying to help me stop this. He had become my rock. I hear my cell phone go off, but I don't even care about it. Even though I know its Troy, I don't even know how he is handling this. Tanner was his actual brother not mine and I am breaking down because of this. I hear my phone go off again, I crawl over to where I placed it, and it's Troy like I knew it would be. I answer it, "Hello." I squeak out not really trusting my voice, because my throat is still burning. "Aaron are you ok?" Troy asks on the other line. "Yeah." I mumble. "Hey we are coming by to get you, I want you to go with us to pick up Chasen and Ryan from the airport." He tells me. "They're flying in?" I ask not believing this. "Yeah, they're coming down for the funeral and I guess to be here with everyone." Troy says sounding better than when I last talked to him. "Ok. I will be outside." I say kind of pissed off, no one told me anything about them coming. I am happy but really hurt that Chasen didn't tell me! I stagger against the wall, my head is hurting...I have to calm down, I can't keep doing this to myself; I fall to my knees and start to cough... I am coughing so hard it brings tears to my eyes, my throat is raw and I pull my hair I am so frustrated! I slowly stand back up and grab my discarded white t-shirt and throw it on grabbing my phone and wallet, I slip on some DC shoes and head down stairs. Of course my parents are already gone, I make sure I have my key and lock the door. I sit on the edge of the steps. I put my chin on my hands and wait, I don't know what to even say to the Garrets when I see them... I guess I don't have long to think about it because here they come pulling up in their SUV that they had just got a few weeks ago, I walk up and open the door. Margaret gives me a very small smile, and so does David. Troy has bloodshot eyes. He knuckle bumps me and we set off to pick up Chasen and Ryan. "Aaron, baby do you think you could get a hold of your mother, and ask if the boys can stay at the house for the night we just haven't had the time to prepare..." Margaret asks. I said ok, and I quickly sent a text to my mother, shortly explaining the situation, because I knew it would be the only way to get a hold of either one of them... About five minutes later I received text saying yes, the spare rooms are always ready, and not to wait up that the meeting might be awhile...so I told Margaret it was a go. (Chasen's POV) I felt a hand on my shoulder, and my eyes popped open. It was just Ryan, "Hey man, we are landing." He said. I tried to wipe the sleep from my face, I managed to sleep for a bit not that it was actually resting, I was in between the conscious state and sleep state it was very frustrating. "You ok? Did you get any sleep at all?" Ryan asks looking over at me concerned. "Not really I was more resting my eyes I guess." I tell him. My stomach churns due to the airplane and the altitude change, I think I hate the landing part more than anything, it is scary for me. I always fear that we will not land right and run straight into the airport. "So is there anything specific you want to do while we are here?" Ryan asks looking over at me as I try not to hyperventilate. "Not helping Ry." I say cutting my eyes at him. He gives me a little smirk and laughs, "I wished you could see your face it's kind of funny to me." I look over at him not smiling, "Really well wait till you see your face after I hit it with my fist." I tell him. His smile fades instantly, and I can see how he is moving to prepare if I do hit him. I start busting out laughing, "Now who looks funny?" He smiles again, "You are such an ass." "Takes one to know one!" I tell him. "Touch‚...You know I think this is the first time I have seen you smile in a while." Ryan says to me. "I guess it has been awhile huh?" I say looking back out to the window. Ryan put his hand on my shoulder, "Dude I can't sit here and act like I know what it feels like, because I honestly don't. But I am here for you, no matter what." "Thanks...you know I was pretty damn sure I wasn't going to like you at all when I first met you." I tell him smiling. He gives me that goofy grin, "What can I say I grew on you." We hear the pilot come on and say that we have landed, I look at Ryan with a confused look, "I didn't even notice we landed." "Cause you were distracted, it's a good technique Dad taught me when I was younger, I used to hate the landing part of the plane ride, I would freak out." Ryan says as he looks over. "Wait let me write this down you having a flaw?" I joke with him. "Har-har, yes I have a few just no one knows them much." He states. We sit and wait patiently as we are connected to the airport, this is the most annoying part is trying to get off the plane. I am glad we sat near the middle so it didn't take us to long to get off, but I was really irritated by the time I got off I hate being in cramped spaces with a lot of people. I follow Ryan out of the plane and I don't know why he even took the lead he doesn't even know where to go, but I don't say anything. We make our way down the stairs towards the baggage claim area. "Dude how freaking big is this airport?" Ryan asks. "Pretty big man, plus it's really easy to get turned around in this place." I tell him. "Chasen! Over here!" I hear my name being called out. I look in the direction and I see Margaret, David, Troy, and I think its Aaron. "Hey dude over here." I tell Ryan. We start to make our way over to where they are standing, weaving in and out of tons of people all going the opposite direction it seems. We finally reach them, and Margaret gives me a big hug. It shocks me at first, but I return the hug. I see David shaking hands with Ryan. I feel bad because they look really bad, David seems like he has aged ten years and he has more gray in his hair then when I last saw him. Margaret just didn't look healthy at all, and Troy had bloodshot eyes, I am sure he has been crying a lot I feel so bad for them. Aaron, was a different story he just looked sick, he looked really thin and not the good thin, if there was such a thing, he had really dark circles under his eyes. I made sure to hug everyone, but as I went to hug Aaron he didn't hug me back, he wouldn't even look me in the eye. "Well boys I am sure you have had a long flight, let's get your bags and go grab a bite to eat. We can talk over dinner." David announced. I looked over at Ryan and he nods in agreement and I did as well, it didn't take long for our bags to cycle through considering we wasted a few minutes saying hello and all. It was weird Troy took right up with Ryan talking his ear off, but Ryan didn't seem to mind at all. I guess he knew how Troy was feeling. I couldn't even imagine losing one of my brothers or my sister. David took my hand and started to lead us out to the car. I tried to talk to Aaron but he wouldn't say much just a bunch of shoulder shrugs and a short yes answers... When we finally reached the car it took no time to store our bags away and we all piled in the SUV. "So boys what are we hungry for?" Margaret asked. I know she's trying to be cheerful even though this wasn't really the situation to be cheerful in. "Chinese!" both Ryan and Troy shouted, and looked at each other and started to laugh, I smiled as Ryan put his arm around Troy in a brotherly hug. "I am down for whatever." I say nonchalantly. "I'm not hungry..." Aaron said very low. This cause me to look over at him in a sharp manner, but he wasn't returning the look at me, I know what this whole not eating thing was about and I was not going to let that happen. "Aaron you know the rules you are going to eat, you are too skinny!" Margaret says from the front seat. He just sinks lower into his seat I just give him a glare and he looks away...I don't know what his deal is but I cannot handle him right now, there is way too much going on I still can't even believe I am here in Florida again. We pull up to the Chinese restaurant, it didn't take us long to sit down and order our food. I ordered the General's Chicken, it is one of my favorite things to eat. There was an uncomfortable silence. "Well I guess we need to go over a few things..." David says looking up at each of us. Margaret looks sadden by the fast approaching conversation, my breathe catches in my chest. I don't know if I can handle this conversation right now. Ryan puts his hand on my arm, "just breathe man, this needs to be talked about." David clears his throat, "Boys all of you, especially you Chasen and Ryan would you both be pallbearers for Tanner tomorrow?" Without hesitation Ryan piped up, "Yes sir. I will do whatever you need me to." David and Margaret's eyes fell on me, I could feel the sadness reach out from them, it gripped me like iron clad shackles...I let out a low yes. Margaret grabs David's hand, "Thank you boys so much." I just give a small weak smile, I know this means a lot to them, but I don't know if I can mentally do this, I still think that any moment they will yell April fools and Tanner will come out, but I know better than that its only wishful thinking. We ate in silence there wasn't much to be discussed, ok maybe there was. But I don't think anyone could handle the seriousness right now. You could feel how tense everyone was, you could practically cut the tension with a knife and still not reach the source. I watched Aaron pick at his food and move it around his plate, to make it look like he was eating his food; I kicked him under the table and gave him a dirty look. He just looked up at me and cut his eyes; he looked right back down and continued to nibble on his food. I wasn't going to let this go, but Ry leaned close to me. "Dude I don't know what the deal is, but now is not the time!" he whispers to me. "I know, I will explain later." I whisper back. I watched as David and Margaret ate, anyone could tell that their thoughts weren't here at the table. I don't blame them hell my thoughts aren't even here at the table. I am glad that they aren't noticing the indifference between me and Aaron right now. Margaret looks up, "Chasen honey we have arranged for you and Ryan to stay at Aaron's for the night. I am so sorry just we haven't had time to prepare your old room...with everything going on." I give her a smile, "its fine, it's understandable, it has been a rough week. We don't mind staying with Aaron." She gives me a soft smile, "Thank you dear..." "Well boys if you are ready I say let's go ahead and head on out. We have a... a really big day ahead tomorrow." David says picking up the bill. Aaron walked in front of me so I couldn't question him at all, that was fine I was going to let it go for now but it was severely pissing me off. I can't deal with him and all this mess while I am here. The ride back to Aaron's house was full of uncomfortable silence; the only thing you could hear is the tires of the SUV on the road. I looked around and saw Troy leaning on Ryan, I flashed a little smile to Ryan and he let one slip back to me. It had to have affected Troy a lot losing Tanner, to be able to cling to anyone most of all Ryan. Troy wasn't the clingy type of person, that was mostly Aaron. I think that is why they are best friends, they leaned on each other, but I don't think either one of them thought they would ever be faced with this situation. "Mom...Dad... Do you think if it's ok with Aaron, could I possibly stay the night over there with everyone else? I don't really want to be alone tonight." Troy asked from the back seat. I watched as Margaret looked over at David, David gave a nod to Margaret. "Well honey that is up to Aaron." She said. "Please Aaron?" Troy asked Aaron pleadingly. He nodded, "Yeah I think that would be better for us." It wasn't long and we pulled up to Aaron's house, I forgot how big his house actually was. It was so long ago that I remember being with Tanner, pulling up and first meeting the skater kid that came out of that house with this bright smile. Thinking of that memory made me look over at Aaron and the last thing right now you would see on him was a smile. All four of us boys, got out of the SUV, Ryan and I fetched out our bags from the back of the vehicle. I made my way to the driver side window. "Thanks so much." I tell them meaning every word of it. "We are just happy you have come..." Margaret started to say, but was getting choked up. "We will be over at seven in the morning to come pick everyone up, the funeral is at eight." David said. "We will be ready." I told him. I started to walk away, but David grabbed my arm. I looked back at him and I saw tears in his eyes, "Son I am glad you are here with us." I try not to cry, but I can't help feel the emotion well up inside me like a hurricane, I just nod and head inside to the huge house. With each step I take I try and fight back the threatening tears that are about to spill over. As I enter the house I realize it was just as I expected it. Immaculate, it doesn't even look like anyone lives in here. I swear there isn't even a speck of dust in sight not even on the high ceiling fans. The floors are marble white with a bright shine to them. As I look around I can understand why Aaron was so needy at times, it feels like he lives in a museum, not a home. Ryan snaps me out of my trance, "hey man we are up here Aaron has showed us what rooms we are staying in, I believe you are right across from his, and mine is like one room over." "Cool, so looks like Troy is clinging to you pretty heavy tonight." I tell him. I see the emotions change in his face, "yeah I know, man I can't even imagine how he feels right now. It kind of makes me feel like a dick how I really don't pay attention to Kyle at home. I just never make time for him, but seeing him react with you also made me realize I am not being the best brother to him." He tells me. I walk over to him and hug him, "Dude you realized it, and admitted it. Just do something about it and I am sure he will get over it man. Kyle is a lot like Troy in so many ways." "Thanks man, that helps a lot. I thought I was supposed to be the one comforting you these next few days, not the other way around." He says giving me that damn smirk. "Well big bro, it goes both ways" I tell him and give him a smirk of my own. We both hear someone clear their throat and we turn around, and it's Troy. "Umm...Ryan...can I ask you a question?" "Yeah little man what's up?" Ryan asks moving closer to Troy. "Do you think...well...that maybe I could sleep with you tonight? I understand if you don't want me too...I know it seems babyish." He stumbles off. I look at Ryan and it looks like he is going to cry, He squats down so he is closer to eye level with Troy considering there is a bigger height difference, Troy hasn't yet hit his growth spurt, he isn't close to being near the height that Tanner was. "Little man that is fine with me." He tells Troy pulling him in for a hug, "It's perfectly ok Troy to miss your brother, I don't know how you being this strong about it all." I watch them interacting and it makes me a little sad how much Troy is hurting, I can see it in his eyes, he starts to cry as he is hugging Ryan. I watch as Ryan leads him upstairs, "I think we are going to go hit the bed Chase, it's going to be a long day tomorrow, I think you should too." Ryan says leading Troy up stairs beckoning me to follow. I know he is right and I slowly trudge up the steps as well, we make it up the stairs into a long hallway I look around and there is not one picture on the wall of Aaron or either of his mothers, the lonely feeling sinks deeper into my chest. Ryan points to my room and I nod, and walk into the room. Just as I expected there was a nice bed, but nothing that made it feel comfortable, it was like the room was made for show. I laid my bag on the floor I bent over and unpacked my suit for tomorrow making sure there wasn't any wrinkles, my gut drops as I see the suit and I know that this is something that I am not ready for but it is going to come no matter what. I sit on the bed looking around the room, I can't stand to be in here alone, plus I really need to talk to Aaron and see why the hell he is acting the way he is. I slowly tip toe across the hall to his room and knock lightly on the door. I knock a few more times and still no answer, I know he is still up cause the light is shining brightly under the door. I open the door slowly and I walk into the room taking it all in. It was like entering a different house altogether, it looked like a typical teen's room, clothes all over the floor, posters of skaters on the wall, TV, X-box, stereo. The whole works in the room. It makes me feel a little better that his room was well... normal, but there is a distinct sound that makes me sick all over again...the sound of someone throwing up. I walk to the bathroom that was on the far side of the room, I peer in not to be seen just yet, but what I do see breaks my heart even more. Little Aaron is heaving his guts out over the toilet. I see just how much everything has taken a toll on him. I can see how skinny he has gotten, because he has his shirt off and he is in just his boxers. I watch him finish puking, he still has no clue I am here. I watch him shakily flush the toilet and grab his stomach and start to cry, I can't help but make my presence known. "I thought you were going to stop." I say in a monotone voice. I know I scared him as he jumped looking up at me and I can see how pale he was, "Get out!" he screams at me. I walk into the bathroom ignoring his protest, "NO! Aaron you said you were going to stop this shit, but I see you haven't even began to stop have you? What happens if you tear your trachea up? You could do serious harm to yourself or one day choke on your own blood!" I yell at him. "You wouldn't understand! Tanner was helping me after YOU LEFT! But he is gone now too! This is all your fault! You're the reason TANNER IS DEAD! You had to run away like everyone else in my life!" he yells out at me. The words he is saying don't even hurt, it pisses me off though, I step closer to him, and he comes at me and starts to hit me, he makes one good connection with my ribs, but after that he grows weaker. As he tries to hit me more, I grab his hands. "Stop Aaron now. Listen and you listen well. I had to leave for my own sake whether or not that is selfish so be it. I am glad Tanner was helping you stop this, but he is gone! He isn't coming back, and how dare you even say that I killed him. I didn't kill him it was someone who ran a red light, drunk asshole was the one responsible." I tell him forcing him to listen. He tries to yank away from me, "I HATE YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR ME LIVING HERE ALL ALONE! I LOVED YOU LIKE A BIG BROTHER AND YOU LEFT ME, MY PARENTS DON'T EVEN LOVE ME! TANNER UNDERSTOOD ME, HE KNEW HOW IT WAS BECAUSE YOU LEFT HIM." I gripped harder on his wrist as he was still trying to break hold of my grasp, "Aaron, don't you blame this on me. Tanner was just as guilty as me, yes I left. I had to Aaron, to make sure that I moved on because if I would have stayed, I would have either ended up killing myself or did something that scares me more than the thought of death and that is becoming just like my mother. No your parents aren't here a lot, but they love you if not you wouldn't have this huge house, no matter how lonely it is here or all the things in your room. No they don't show the affection but anyone could see they love you. I never had that! Do you hear me, I was told everyday how I was hated by my own mother. So stop being a brat Aaron, you aren't the only one who is hurting. Take a look at Troy, he lost his big brother, we all lost someone who we love and will miss." I let go as he yanks away causing him to fall back on his ass. I just look at him and storm out of the bathroom and his room, I am making my way across the hall and I almost run into Ryan, "Dude everything ok? I heard yelling yall almost woke up Troy." I looked at him, "Yeah, everything is fine now. We both just needed to get it out, well I did and I made him hear what he needed to. Ryan not tomorrow but the next day we are going to go see my mother." I tell him. I start to walk to the room but he grabs my arm, "Chase, bro do you think that's a good idea?" I look back at him with intensity in my eyes, "I have unsettled business with her Ry, she is still controlling me even though she is in jail. It is time for me to start living my life and break the chains that she placed on me." "I have your back no matter what." He tells me and heads back to his room. I watch him close the door to his room, and I do the same. I strip the shirt and pants off and turn off the light and crawl into the bed. I get under the covers and I lay there looking at the ceiling. I am not even the least bit tired after the argument that Aaron and I just had. I know I am not ready for tomorrow, but this is something I cannot avoid. That's how I know it's time to face my mother. It has to be done. I hear a soft knock on my door, "come in." I say wondering if it's Ryan trying to make sure I am ok. I hear the door open, I don't look at who it is I am still staring blankly at the pitch black ceiling, "I'm sorry." I hear right by the side of my bed. "It's ok Aaron. You are upset and hurting, I understand." I say monotone. "I really am sorry, you were right about everything you said..." Aaron says between short breaths, I know he is crying. I don't say anything, because I don't know what to say to someone who admitted I was right. "Chasen..." I hear him whisper again. "Yeah, Aaron you can." I tell him lifting up the covers. He slides in and cuddles up to me, I shiver a little his body is colder than mine, I feel him hug me. I put an arm over him moving him closer to me. "I am sorry...are you ready for tomorrow." He asks me. "Not at all, but I know that it's time to face this, this is something I can't run from. The day after tomorrow I am going to face my mother." I tell him. "Are you scared?" he asks. "Yeah, I am terrified honestly, but I need to do this Aaron. To be free from her, that way I can finally be happy and be able to live my life and love someone." I tell him. I feel him move closer to me hugging me and he puts his head on my chest. "When I move to California I want to live close to you, cause I miss you and I want to stop this eating disorder." He says. I hug him tighter, "We will see what we can do, and we will stop it together. Let's get some sleep we have a huge day tomorrow..." I whisper to him and kiss him on the top of his head. ----------------------------------------------------------- This is part 1 of chapter 8. I am sorry for the delay this chapter was just very emotional to write and I felt like it shouldn't be rushed. That is why I am breaking it up to two parts. The second part will include the funeral and Chasen visiting his mother too face the demons in his life. I believe this is essential for Chasen to do this. Please email letting me know your thoughts on the story. Thanks KD Death changes us all, when we lose someone dear to us it's like a hole opens up inside of us, swallowing all that is good. We will all go through this eventually, Everybody sadly has a time. Just remember that you're not alone in life, that others walk beside you even if you don't see them. I hope that the change that falls onto Chase is for the better, to grow stronger. It is always devastating to lose someone, I just hope that it doesn't eat away at Chase. I can't wait to see the funeral, KD has me on the edge of my seat. All in all KD it was worth the wait just as much as I'm sure part two is. tY