This is the last of my
already finished chapters! Now I have to get writing! Enjoy.
thoroughly revived from my grueling week at school. Part of that was
because of my mind-blowing weekend with Ryan. My parents said that I
finally looked alive. Specifically, My dad wanted to interview me on
how I could sleep so much since I'd actually slept in till one in the
afternoon and skipped school. He said it was for a future reference
for a character. I thought he was mocking me and just rolled my eyes
at him and ate my breakfast...lunch...whatever.
I read a
little and just lazed around for the next couple of hours until Josh
called and asked me to come over. I agreed and told him I'd be there
in a little bit.
I called out as I stepped into the living room. “ I'm going
over to Josh's for the day.”
go ahead.” He replied absentmindedly. “Don't bother me. I
just had a brain wave.” In dad's language that meant he'd
gotten the answer to his writer's block and had just gotten an idea
out of no where.
I hope you get this stupid project done so you can move on.”
here, son. I've already got ideas for the next one.”
I said as I shrugged on my jacket. “Like what?”
I'm thinking about writing a novel featuring a gay character.”
He looked up from the screen at me.
movements ceased as I knelt over to do my laces. “What?
that doesn't bother you does it? I mean, I don't write bad stuff son.
It's not going to be about a bunch of effeminate gay guys. Rather, I
was thinking of writing about a regular gay teen growing up in a
community that isn't very accepting to gays. I can't imagine what
that would be like, but all these stories I've been hearing about
gay-bashing lately, make me want to voice my thoughts on the matter.”
I said. “No it doesn't bother me. Not at all.” This would
be the perfect moment just to come out to my dad, but I couldn't
right now. My parents have a habit about wanting to know every detail
about something. “Listen Dad, I gotta leave right now; See you
son, bye.” He waved me out, glad to get back to his work. He
was pretty passionate about writing.
to Josh's house since he lived right near me. When I arrived at
Josh's house, I knocked on the door. No one answered even after the
third knock. I turned the knob and discovered that the door was open.
I went in and called out, “hello? Anyone there?”
sweetie, is that you?” Josh's mom's voice came forth. Judy
Caudally (she'd refused to change her last name to something as weird
sounding as Kirk), was such a nice lady and she'd always adored and
coddled me. Something Josh never let me forget, constantly making fun
of me for letting his mom baby me.
it's me, Judy.” I called. She always insisted I call her that.
into the kitchen. I just baked you some cookies and cinnamon rolls.
Take them down with you.”
I said and went in there. She handed me a tray filled with three
glasses of milk, and two plates filled with all kinds of baked goods.
After being hugged and coddled, she ushered me out, saying her and
Mr. Kirk had to be somewhere for the night.
As I went
down the stairs to the basement, I wondered who the third glass of
milk was for. Josh hadn't mentioned anyone else would be there. I
suppose he'd forgotten.
to my question was given to me as I rounded the last stair and turned
to see two boys sprawled on the ground playing a video game. I can't
honestly say what they were playing since I'm not much of a gamer. As
I approached, the bright eyes looked up at me and a smirk played on
his lips. Ryan. My breath hitched as I remembered the events of
He called out, “You weren't in school today, but from the looks
of things you aren't sick.”
me?” I raised an eyebrow and bit back a smile.
Kyle. Not this again, guys. No fighting because I don't have the
brain power as of right now to even withstand ten minutes of it.”
smirked at Ryan and plopped into a chair. The two of them played for
a while and I just watched and cheered Josh on. I don't think I even
bothered to see what they were playing, I just munched on goodies and
pretended to care. After a while, Ryan dropped his controller and
beat.” He said on a yawn. “No more.” His arms
flexed, the muscles working and I wanted to be wrapped up in those
strong arms. He then reached out grabbed a glass of the milk,
swallowing it in three big gulps. When he looked up and saw me
watching him, he shrugged. “I really like milk.”
“Really? Never would have guessed it. It's okay I guess.”
is great! It's good for your bones and teeth.” He flashed a
white smile, then frowned, “why would it seem like I don't like
dunno, I just figured you more for the hard stuff.”
I love my milk. You know what they say, a glass of milk keeps the
out laughing, “dude it's an apple a day keeps the doctor
looked at the both of us and frowned. “What's up, guys? You're
being nice to each other. You even spent Friday night hanging out.”
instantly turned to him, “what do you mean?” I asked
I mean, is that one day you're being bitches and hating on each other
and now you're amiable?” Josh looked bewildered. “It's
almost as if...you've grown up!”
mind.” Josh said with a laugh. He reached for a cinnamon roll
and tore apart a piece with his fingers. “I myself, prefer
booze, but still, milk ain't too bad.”
have to agree, but I don't like milk.”
why you're so skinny.” Ryan gestured to me, patting my stomach.
His hand lingered for a second and my eyes briefly shut, savoring the
sensation, wanting more.
am not skinny.” I spat.
exactly, but you're not very bulky either.”
lifted weights but I cant' really bulk up. I'll always be lean and on
the thin side. It's in my genes. My dad's in his forties but he's
still lean as hell. I'll probably always be lean.”
not too bad,” Ryan murmured, looking me up and down.
you guys wanna go out?” Josh asked, stretching as well,
completely oblivious of the dynamic between Ryan and I. Goodness,
sometimes these straight guys really were blind and deaf.
Ryan and I both said in unison.
so what do you want to do then?” As soon as the words left
Josh's lips, Ryan and I both shrugged.
one of you want to do anything?”
I'm tired. Can we just relax and hang out and just watch a movie or
not.” Josh yawned, got up and then added, “I'll be back
are you going?” I asked.
you wanna come with me?” Josh said, rolling his eyes.
thanks, eww.” I protested, and saw Ryan laugh out of the corner
of my eye.
left, Ryan looked at me and I looked at him. “So,” I
said, “how have you been?” I reached a hand out and
placed it on his chest, my fingers grazing his nipple.
been better.” He replied, eyes following the movement of my
Aren't you going to ask me how I've been?” I asked, getting
closer to murmur into his ear, pressing against his tight body.
was thinking about it.” Ryan stated, breathing in deeply.
I said simply, smiling.
later, I was on top of him as he lay on the ground. My thighs
straddled his hips. “Hi again,” I whispered.
will be back soon.” He murmured.
know,” I said, my hands shifted his shirt up as I ran my hands
across his warm skin.
He made a
sound in his throat, “Stop.” He moved my hands.
I told him, continuing my stroking.
my lips to his and he gave up protesting as his hands reached up and
ground me to him. My lips opened and his tongue swept in, stroking,
reaching, sucking. His beautiful lips, his roving hands, and tongue.
I felt so desirable in his arms and I succumbed to his hunger,
letting him feel me, drink from my mouth. He wouldn't stop, couldn't
almost, as his hand angled my face at a better angle and he
penetrated my mouth with his tongue
insatiable in his need for me as he thrust up, “Ryan,” I
moaned out his name as his hand gripped my ass and squeezed.
Kyle, you have the tightest, roundest bubble butt I have ever laid
eyes on. I want to shove my cock up it so bad. I want to hear you
scream my name out and beg me to fuck you.”
but I loved it when he talked dirty to me. It made me so damn horny.
Josh's voice from the top of the stairs brought us up for air, “I'm
gonna go look for a good movie, okay?”
Ryan yelled out, his voice calm and steady. When the footsteps
receded, he brought my head down again, content to have me lay on top
of him. His tongue lazily licked across my bottom lip.
I said, “he'll be back soon. We should stop.”
way,” he licked and nibbled at my ear and I gasped, not
realizing I was so sensitive there. “You started this, bitch.”
He grinned to let me know he was joking.
me you don't want this.” his middle finger rubbed my ass-hole,
lightly then with added pressure. I moaned and my eyes were dazed.
“Yeah, baby,” he whispered in my ear, “do you want
me to shove my finger up this tight hole and fuck you with it? You
do, don't you?”
I gave up.
me off him, a teasing glint in his bright eyes. “you're right,
he'll be here soon.”
I wiped my
forehead, and said, “you're an a-” but my cell phone went
off and I took it out to look at the screen. Nathan.
it open, “Hey, Nathan.”
man. What are you doing?”
hanging out at Josh's. What's up?”
I looked over to where he sat, “yeah, he is.”
This was awkward now. “So...what did you want to say?”
Ryan chose this particular moment to get up, come over to where I
sat, and look at me. He smirked as his hand reached out and trailed
up my thigh slowly. My breath hitched.
wrong?” Nathan asked. “Nothing,” I replied too
quickly. Ryan lifted up my shirt, exposing my abdomen and nipples.
His hand stroked upwards, lightly and when he reached my nipples, he
and tried to cover my reaction. “Listen—I'll call you
wait, I wanted to ask you if you're going to be at school tomorrow.”
I said, “I will be.” Ryan pulled lightly on the other
one. His head came down and his tongue licked across the sensitive
bud like a lazy cat, slow and sweet.
well you're busy. I really wanted to hang out but we'll do it some
other time. How about Friday?”
good.” I told him, not thinking as Ryan chewed and nibbled my
nipple. “Friday,” Ryan whispered in my ear as his hand
cupped my cock through my jeans, “is not good, because you'll
be spending it with me, under me, over me, any way you can imagine.”
shivered. “Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow,” and then I
hung up. Ryan continued to lick my chest, kissing and stroking my
skin. He seemed to really enjoy it and I didn't want to tell him to
stop because it felt too good.
could do this all day. You're skin is so smooth and firm and your
nipples are sensitive little buds.” I moved him away and shoved
my shirt down. “I want to fuck you again.”
you better stop now because Josh will be down soon.” I
silent, stoic almost, and his physical beauty seemed enhanced in the
dim lighting. “You're not going to see Nathan on Friday.”
the fuck? Yeah, I am.”
you're not. I don't want you hanging out with him. I don't like him.”
Ryan was adamant.
the hell did he ever do to you?”
you're not going to see him Friday. He's not a good friend for you.”
when do you make my decisions?”
when, Ryan? Tell me, since you fucked me?” I crossed my arms
across my chest.
the hell, Kyle? I'm your friend, just respect my advice.”
Nathan is one of my best friends. I'm not going to shun him just
because you order me to.” I exclaimed.
you're probably going to blab all about what—what we did today
to him.” Ryan said.
I saw red.
“Nathan doesn't care about...us.”
Ryan's voice was furious and his eyes were equally so.
fucking told Nathan about us!”
he guessed that something was going on. I had to tell him.”
could have denied it! Why didn't you?” He demanded.
do you care if people know?”
don't want people talking about me. This is all just an experiment to
you keep telling me.” I said.
that supposed to mean.”
you aren't gay like you keep saying. If you're just experimenting
then why the hell do you want to fuck me so much. Why can't you keep
your hands off of me?”
was a low blow, Kyle, even for you.” Ryan said viciously.
can't believe that you would—you probably told the entire
world!” He interrupted me
He got up.
“Kyle, who else did you fucking tell about us?”
was almost mute, “Just Laura...”
I'm back.” The sound of Josh's voice halted Ryan. He glared at
me, literally seeing red. I think he would have murdered me given the
chance. When Josh walked in and he saw the tense atmosphere, I know
he noticed but chose not to respond. Ryan just sat down in the couch
and froze up completely. I too sat down silently.
the movie in complete silence, Josh being the only one commenting
occasionally. When the movie finished, Ryan got up, said bye to Josh
and went home. Giving me a death glare as he left.
turned to me and asked, “What the hell is
up with him?”
maybe I should have thought twice before telling Laura and Nathan
about Ryan and I. Maybe I should have but I didn't and now it was too
late to think about it. I knew I could trust them and they knew I was
gay. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh with Ryan but I had been
and it was too late to rectify that mistake. I'd known that whatever
I had with Ryan wasn't anything real. I'd known that and I told
myself I didn't care but I did care.
he ignored me and I did likewise. It was worse then before. Now it
was as if I didn't exist, as if he didn't exist. At least then, we'd
acknowledged each other even if in an undignified way.
When I saw
him, something tore at my gut.
knowledge that I gave a damn about him. That I'd allowed myself to
care. Damn it, I'd known it was temporary. He'd never told me
otherwise. He'd been honest. Now he was angry at me and we hadn't
even given each other a chance. Things had changed though. We'd
become friends and we'd agreed to stay friends even after our little
tryst ran cold. It tore at me to know that things had to end this
way, that we couldn't even be friends now. We'd agreed to stay
friends even after our rendezvous ended, but things had to end this
liked him as person. In a short while he'd become an essential part
of my life. I found myself just sitting around waiting for something
to happen. I knew nothing was going to happen though.
last week now things had been this way and Nathan knew about my
dilemma. So did Laura. When I was spending the evening with Laura and
Nathan at Laura's house, they were trying to cheer me up.
told you he was an ass.” Nathan kept saying. “You let
yourself fall for him.” We were in Laura's room. Laura was on
the computer, doing a million things at once. A skill only Laura
could pull off properly.
the millionth time, Nathan,” I gritted my teeth, “I did
not fall for him. I let myself care about him, but I don't love him
get over him,” Laura put in.
not that easy.” I insisted. “I care
about him. And
things ended in a bad way. We
became friends, Nathan. He was a really good friend and we were going
to stay that way.”
to him then.” Laura said simply. Gosh I don't get girls...
“Talking to him won't solve anything right now.” I told
Nathan said quickly. “Don't talk to him, Kyle. He's not good
enough for you. Just forget him and move on. Like you said, you
weren't even in a relationship, so it won't be hard.”
would you know? You aren't me!” I exclaimed.
Nathan began, “I'm your friend and I understand what you're
going through. I want to help you, not fight with you.”
don't understand why the two of you hate each other so much. Ryan
hates your guts and you hate his. I don't think you've barely spoken
a nice word to each or even tried to get to know each other. Both of
you tell me to stay away from the other.” I thought out loud.
he's telling you to avoid me?”
like you tell me to avoid him,” I pointed out.
intimidated by me,” Nathan said.
an eyebrow. “You aren't serious?”
being macho, my young friends and do something useful and go get me
food.” Laura demanded in a booming cartoon voice.
my eyes, “good thing you're a lesbian, because I feel sorry for
the guy who would have got stuck with you.”
bitch.” Laura said, evoking laughter from me and lightening my
talk to him.” Nathan whispered.
off.” I whispered back.
Both of us said at once and then laughed.
Ryan was behaving made me want to punch his face. He flirted with all
the girls and smiled his charming one thousand watt smile every
second of the day. He didn't even glare at me today as he walked into
class. He didn't even look...didn't care...anymore. Back to the old
Ryan that didn't know Kyle Moore even existed. The armor was up, the
mask on, and Ryan became the royal pain in the ass again. I knew what
was behind that steel armor though, I knew what kind of a person he
was. Wounded, but unable to admit it.
a girl. Brandi what's-her-name.. Rumor was that he was seeing her
now. I saw them together but I didn't believe they were dating until
I saw them holding hands.
he ate with his regular crew but today there was no silent glances or
winks or even secret smiles that were only for me. It wasn't like he
normally displayed any emotion besides what was normal at school, but
still during that little time we'd had, it'd been nice. My heart hurt
and I wanted to block out his uncaring, cold attitude. I didn't want
to feel anything, damn it! I wanted to be like him: uncaring,
insensitive. I was burdened with guilt and regret though and I wanted
to hit something.
Melbourne was a bastard.
today I was sorry that I'd told Laura and Nathan, that I'd ruined our
chances...pshh....chances at what? An experiment? Now I didn't care.
I made myself stone like, and unfeeling. I hated him. I hated him. I
hated him. Who cares if we became friends?
the fuck did it still hurt? Why the fuck did I still care? Why was I
away from Ryan's beautiful profile and shoved my food away.
thing is, the weather was just getting nice again and I didn't want
to feel crappy like this. Most of the snow had melted early and the
ground was beginning to dry. Perfect weather. Slightly breezy but
sunny and warm.
like a chance for a fresh start.
He was the
one who'd ruined our chance at friendship.
heart didn't agree. The traitor, it whispered things into my mind,
filling me with doubt.
finally melted entirely, with no chance of it piling up again this
time, since the sun stayed up. Nathan was so ecstatic and even
admitted that he'd been sick of the snow. I just laughed at him and
assured him I wasn't going to make him eat those peaches.
night, I called Nathan and he picked me up. It was Friday and there
was nice weather. Of course there was local party down at someone's
cottage. I wanted to get so damned drunk. I just drank and drank
until I couldn't feel anything anymore, until I just felt a hazy
glow. Alcohol really did make you feel as if you were forgetting your
problems, made you feel as if you were, but truthfully made you more
was honestly a great night.
getting drunk, Nathan and I went out to the secluded beach and lay in
the sand. I remember staring up at the sky and noticing the bright
stars, the full moon, and the beautiful water. The air was salty and
yet sweet and it assaulted my senses, making me feel alive. The
breeze was slight. The sand beneath my toes and under my back felt
like soft silk and I wanted to lay there forever. I wanted to leave
all my problems there.
it was easy to forget Ryan.
could stay here forever,” I found myself saying to Nathan in a
He replied. His eyes were closed.
Melbourne, I would forget him. I would move on to the next fish in
the sea. I don't even
care anymore, I
told myself as neutrality claimed me once more.
soothed us. The sounds of nature inspired us even in our alcohol
muddled state, and we were silent once more. Listening, feeling,
touching, enjoying. I took everything in, wanting to remember this
feeling my entire life. A bird flew by and I could almost hear the
sound of it's feathers swishing.
sand shifting and I was aware once more.
well, look who it is.” A slightly familiar voice said. I didn't
look over. I didn't want to see and interrupt my happiness. “Kyle,
is it?” The guy persisted amiably.
away,” I muttered.
if I don't?”
say anything and just sat up, looking far into the ocean. The guy sat
down beside me on the sand and I felt his presence overcrowd my
senses. He smelled earthy and potent, male.
my head on my knee, facing away from him. He commented on my move,
“I'm not gonna hurt you.”
away,” I slurred.
drunk are you?”
are drunk, you're just a drunk that doesn't talk like a drunk. You're
a drunk that is actually slightly aware of what you're doing.”
I'm not. It's just wearing off. You realize that's probably the most
times someone's used the word drunk in a sentence.”
that a question?”
it was merely a statement.” I replied
I be worried?” He asked.
don't think so.”
at me.” Before I could think, I turned to look at him and was
surprised to see Jeremy. I couldn't remember his last name, or even
if he'd mentioned it. Goodness he was cute.
How are you doing?” My mood was lifted immediately. What a
you? What brings you out here?”
away my problems. You?”
enjoying the party. Ahh...boy problems?”
there any other kind? Yeah, this guy that I'd been fooling around
with and he wasn't really out. I told two of my friends what was
going on between us and eventually he found out that I'd done that.
He wasn't happy, he went ballistic and hasn't spoken to me since. He
acts as if I don't exist and even has a girl friend. You know what
the funny thing is?” I asked.
He urged. “You're really straight?”
“Very funny, but no. I knew it was only temporary. He told me
not to care for him no to fall for him. But I do!”
him, you mean?”
I care for
him. I don't want to though! We became friends and were going to
remain that way, but no...”
it feel like?” He asked quietly. “Caring for someone.”
hurts sometimes. Like now. But it can be nice too.”
never felt that before. I've never loved anyone, cared for anyone.”
just saying that. What about your mom and dad?”
have any. I was abandoned as a baby and have been to ten different
foster homes. Right now, my new “mom” is pretty cool,
better then any of the others I've had. I don't care for her though.
As for my sexuality I mainly fuck guys, but sometimes girls too. I
don't love anyone though, and never had. I don't think I'm capable of
silent. I wasn't going to tell him how to live his life or assure him
that he'd find love, that he was capable of it. I wasn't going to do
that; I couldn't do that.
your car?” I asked him, remembering how I'd sat in it, soaking
in perfect condition. I love my car.” He said, laughingly.
I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly.
feel sorry for yourself. You'll find happiness, you'll get your
share. There's no one that doesn't like you I bet, besides that
douche-bag. Don't let him hurt you again.”
you believe that?”
try.” I assured him, meaning it. I looked at him then and saw
someone special. He was a lost soul, this boy with the silver-grey
eyes. Yet he continued to move forward. Here I was complaining and
feeling bad about my life when this guy had been through so much. I
had a feeling that what he'd told me wasn't the half of it, that he'd
been through so much more. He looked at me then, and I saw the
hollowness in his eyes, the emptiness and loneliness.
what you see?” His eyes sparked to life, losing the moment of
darkness, and he became that jovial, happy boy that I'm sure everyone
loved when he wanted to show them that side of him. He tossed his
head back, his dark brown hair gleaming in the pale light of the moon
and stared at him before saying, “Not bad, but I'm honestly not
“That's too bad. I feel like there would have been something
between us if maybe I wasn't me and you weren't you. There's a...”
A connection. I don't think I'm attracted to you, but I feel
a—glimmer of something. Maybe in another lifetime, when we're
silence was tangible, but not awkward at all. I stared straight
ahead, becoming sober by the --now cool-- breeze. I heard him sigh
and then say, “O.K. I hope you feel better. I'm gonna head back
I called out to his retreating figure. “We should hang out
or else why would I ask? Besides, I think I want to get to know you
only think?” He teased. I told him to shut up and he grinned.
We talked for a bit more before he had to leave.
a good life, Kyle Moore.”
see you again.” I assured.
but you could die tomorrow or maybe I could. There's no way to know
for sure. Just keep walking.”
to myself. He was a mystery; He was an interesting guy. I shook
Nathan awake. “Time to head in.”
was back to school and back to reality.
feedback is the only pay I get.