I lay in bed,
awake but unable to get up. I wanted to go back to sleep but my body protested
since I'd already gotten my full amount of it. The curtains on the windows were
drawn back and the warm rays of sunshine coming in felt nice against my bare
skin. The room was illuminated and felt bright although no lights were turned
A knock at my door. "Kyle, you awake? Come down for
breakfast." It was Dad.
A quick glance
at the alarm clock on the bedside table informed that it was 9:55 am. I had a
spare in the morning, but nonetheless I was already late for the second period.
Great. Everything in my life was just great.
I groaned and
got up, merely sitting and staring off into space for a few moments before I
gathered my wits. I rubbed a hand across my left eye sleepily and yawned, then
stretched out the fatigue in my bones. A shower was what I needed and it only
took about fifteen minutes. Afterwards, I dressed in jeans and a long sleeve
T-shirt, fatigue causing me to yawn about twice.
dad was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in hand and the newspaper. He
smiled at me as I sat down and grabbed a muffin. I mumbled a good morning and
picked at the muffin. My cell vibrated and I pulled it out. "Hello?"
"Hey, It's Jeremy."
how's it going?" I got up and told my dad I had to take the call. My dad just
grinned and shook his head, mumbling something about how I was too old to talk
in front of him.
not too bad. Are we going to that dance at your school today?"
"I'm going and
you're coming with me, Kyle, don't disagree with me." Jeremy was persistent.
what happened yesterday, with the Ryan and all, and then when we were in the
I thought you were too stoned to."
clearly, but I know I kissed you and I'm sorry about that."
"It's okay, I
kissed you back. Let's try not to repeat that though, okay? You're confused and
you like Ryan right now and it would mess up our relationship."
"Wow, was I
that repulsive?" I felt really awkward, the whole conversation was just weird
and I felt like hanging up.
"It's not about
that, Kyle. You already know we have some form of attraction to each other.
It's just that you're not sure about your feelings. Besides, we make good
agreed. "You're right. I guess I'll go to the dance."
guessing you're not at school because you just talked to your dad?"
going just now." I told him.
"I'll pick you
"Naah, it's okay." I assured him.
"No, I don't
want to go to class and I have lunch after anyway." Jeremy persisted.
told him finally.
"Okay, come out
I'm already here." Jeremy replied, laughing.
I walked over
to the front door, and peered through the glass beside the door. Indeed there
stood Jeremy leaning against his car door, phone pressed to his ear. He looked
up and flashed a quick wave and a breezy smile.
"Stalker!" I yelled into the phone, but
grabbed my backpack.
I hung up, said
a quick goodbye to my dad and rushed out. Seeing Jeremy made me forget all of
my troubles regarding Ryan. Everything was just washed away when I saw his
"Have you been
here the entire time?" I asked casually.
"I didn't even
eat my muffin.."
"Aww poor you." Jeremy replied sarcastically.
"How did you
even know I was home?" I wondered aloud.
"Well you were
almost passed out last night when I got you home, buddy."
"Oh...was I? I
feel fine now."
laughed at me.
We got into the
car and Jeremy pulled out of my driveway. All of a sudden his face lost all humour and was replaced with a serious look. He directed it
towards me and I raised an eyebrow. "What?"
fine, why?" Then all of a sudden the events of the previous day rushed into my
mind and I blanched. I looked down at my lap. "It doesn't matter Jeremy. I just
have to get over it and stop being stupid." Just then, when the road seemed
empty, Jeremy seemed to speed up and I had to clutch the side of the door to keep
my balance in the car.
stupid, Kyle. Maybe you like a person that isn't the best of people to be liking, especially since he isn't gay, but you can't
force your feelings to go away. Besides you've been keeping it all locked up
for so long that even your own stupid brain didn't comprehend what was going
"I have to get
over it. Period. Oh, and by the way you have speeding
Jeremy avoided my remark and went on.
I looked up in
surprise, then quickly looked out the window. "Yeah,
yeah it really does. I like him, Jeremy. Doesn't mean I want to be liking him but I do. What sucks more is that I know I
can't feel this way."
"No, you won't
"Yeah, because encouraging this feeling would be like committing suicide
when I'm about to die tomorrow anyway. Nothing good
can come out of it."
I've heard that one before." Jeremy replied cheekily. We'd pulled up into the
student parking lot and I got out of the car. I turned back and said, "Quote
me, I know you'll use it," And then I smiled and for a second everything was
for the dance was irritating as hell but I wasn't one to dress up. Besides it
wasn't one of those affairs. It was more laid back and casual. I just dressed
in jeans and a blue and white fitted T-shirt. I honestly felt nothing as I was
getting ready. Not nervous, nor excited, not even annoyed. Just
plain old nothing.
When we arrived
at the dance it was pretty much the same thing. People were getting warmed up
but not really too into the dancing yet. There were always exceptions, such as
those who'd gotten either really drunk or really high, or a bit of both before
the dance even started and somehow managed to make it in.
together, some in the center of the room, others in more secluded spots. Groups
of friends jumbled together in circles, with some kids trying to get in. The
lack of proper lighting was almost soothing. I couldn't explain it.
Ryan was a given. I knew it would happen, he knew it
would happen, it was a fact. That didn't make it any less nerve-wrecking when I
happened to catch sight of him, as my gaze was wandering around the room. His
eyes latched onto mine and his gaze hardened, became cold. I felt like
shuddering at its iciness. Beside me, Jeremy gripped my arm, looking in the
direction I was. He sort of stood in a protective stance. Ryan's gaze moved to
Jeremy, fell down to where Jeremy's hand clutched my arm, and moved back up to
my face again.
I looked away.
I looked back;
"Kyle, over here!" It was Laura's unmistakable voice.
I turned to see her waving us over, Nathan on her side. Jeremy let go of my arm
and we walked over.
I pasted on a
smile. "Hey, guys, meet Jeremy. Jeremy, this is Nathan and Laura." While Laura
greeted Jeremy with a warm smile and a few kind words, Nathan just sized him up
and glared at him, before saying a quick and very curt hello. Jeremy just
looked at me with a "what the hell?" look on his face.
Nathan," He smiled politely at Nathan who icily looked back and merely nodded.
I guess Nathan
wasn't in the best of moods. I looked over at Jeremy and Laura who were
chatting as if they hadn't just met. It was the complete opposite over with
Nathan. When I looked back to where Nathan should have been standing, he wasn't
there anymore. I turned around quickly, darting a glance here and there and
managed to see him stalking off outside. I walked after him immediately.
just kept walking. I jogged instead.
turned a corner and walked out into the courtyard. He stopped then, and just
I caught up.
"Hello...are you even listening to me?" I looked
around, spotted someone else outside and promptly felt like laughing. How
ironic that the one person who just had to be out here was Ryan. Fate was
really too cruel. I pushed him aside though, and focused my complete attention
on Nathan. I wasn't going to become all quiet and meek because Ryan was there.
As far as I was concerned he didn't exist at that moment.
"Yeah, yeah I
mad at me? I know yesterday we weren't on the best of terms, and I said some
things I maybe shouldn't have. However, you did too. I think we should just
apologize to each other and let it go, okay?"
"If you are
mad, it's okay, we can fix it. I just don't want to
fight with you for no reason." I knew it didn't make sense, but I said it
anyway. No response again. "Nathan?"
All of a sudden
he turned, "You just don't get it do you?" The desperation in his voice, the
sheer frustration, and the turmoil had me recoil in surprise. I took a step
back. Nathan just looked into my eyes one last time before he turned on his
heels and left me standing there, my mouth agape, my feathers ruffled.
What the hell
was wrong? Things were just going from bad to worse, and I was so confused. Why
did Nathan have to do that? I don't know what he was even getting at! Beside
me, I heard laughter. I felt rage boil up inside; Ryan was a bastard. Why the
fuck did I feel this way about him!
"Are you really
that dense, Kyle?" His voice couldn't make me look at him. If I looked at him,
the temporary blockade I'd built around myself would shatter to pieces simply
by gazing into his crystalline eyes. I had to sever any ties with Ryan,
anything that would make me feel even more vulnerable then I already did.
I simply turned
and walked back through the door. Nothing would make me change my mind. As I
walked back, Ryan's voice echoed in my mind. When I closed my eyes, his
beautiful profile would sneak its way into my brain. I shook it away and walked
Nathan?" Was the first thing Laura asked as I walked up to to
her and Jeremy.
"He's mad at me about something."
clearly into my eyes, "You have no idea what?"
"Oh," was the
only sound that escaped her perfect pink lips. "Anyway, I see a really hot
girl. I'm gonna go make small-talk. She seems drunk
enough to play along."
at me with concern in his eyes. "Everything okay, buddy?" He placed his hand on
"No, not at all. I want to beat the crap out of Ryan
and Nathan is being ridiculous. I don't know what's going on."
"Kyle, go grab
something to drink. Relax and don't spoil your evening."
spoil, but you're right I don't need to think about
this right now."
Jeremy smiled at me.
I grinned. "I'd
ask you to dance Jeremy, but that would shock even this very open minded
"Hmm? Yeah, okay. " Jeremy was
too busy checking some guy out, as he said only a few moments later, "Mmm."
and I looked over. I looked back at Jeremy, than back where he was pointing. My
mouth dropped open and I cleared my throat. "That's one of my best friends,
Jeremy. That's Josh, as in straight Josh."
"You sure? No chance at all he might be
"Nope, not a chance."
"Eww...he's like my brother."
"Hey who said
brothers are off limits?" His eyes twinkled with humour.
I wrinkled my
nose, "Yeah, you would."
All of a sudden
Laura came back, her eyes were really wide open. "Wow,
that girl was so not an innocent little straight girl."
serious? What happened?" I asked her.
say, my lips are bruised. All this from flirting innocently
and expecting nor awareness or a reaction. Let's just hope she doesn't
remember that tomorrow, when the hangover kicks in." She looked really worried.
I asked her.
"Kyle, the girl
"Yeah." We both looked at each other. "I
couldn't help it though, she was so hot, and I'm only human. We only made
out...but still. Like I knew who she was and I was only playing..."
"It's okay," I
reassured her, "Even if she does remember tomorrow, I'm sure it's not something
she'll want to spread around or try to pursue. Don't worry that you made things
a mess with her and..." I trailed off.
couldn't help it." Laura touched her lips.
"Man, I wish I was there."
There was an
awkward silence before Laura asked him."Aren't you
bi-sexual, Laura." I replied for him.
it, Laura." I pressed a finger to her lips and give her a hug. She hugged me
back. "You smell good."
"Oh, can I
Laura and I said.
"Aww," Jeremy Pouted.
Funny thing was, I hadn't told Laura that I actually admitted my feelings
for Ryan to myself. Then she would have known that inside a part of me was
slightly happy that things between Ashlynn and Ryan
might be bad. I felt like a complete and utterly pathetic jerk. The worst kind.
voices grew louder, then quietened and moonlight
filtered through the open windows. Couples left, hand in hand. Groups of
friends flocked to each other, for it was time to leave and that couldn't be
and I had had a decent time. Something big had happened but hopefully it
wouldn't grow to become an issue that had to be dealt with. Nathan was nowhere
to be seen and as we left, I felt my eyes searching for a glimpse of a
particular face. I didn't find it.
As I was
sitting in the car, I pressed my head back on to the back of the seat and
sighed. Jeremy touched my shoulder. It was comforting and I felt myself leaning
into the touch.
"Yeah," I told
him, "I'll be fine."
My eyes were
closing slightly, but all of a sudden Jeremy sped up and I woke right back up.
"Whoa, relax, buddy." I told him."
nothing." He replied, grinning.
stupid. I hate when people drive fast because they think it's cool."
"Naah, I don't do it because I think it's cool. I just like
"Too bad, I
don't. Slow the hell down."
only for you though," and he flashed me a grin that made me smile back at him
and forget that I'd even gotten annoyed. Jeremy was a great guy.
I told myself
that night, at that moment, that I would make myself happy. That
I'd forget Ryan for good. There were a lot of things I didn't know, but
the big thing was why I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Ryan. I wasn't
sure I wanted to know.
Although I'd tried to make myself forget, my heart was hurting. My head was hurting. I guess a lot of me was hurting.
I wanted this
day to end, I wanted school to end, and I wanted this year to end. I guess I
wanted a lot of things to end.
I'd get over
Let me know
what you thought! J
I know it was a
long wait and to be honest I wrote an original version of chapter 14 a while
ago, a long time ago but since then I've reformatted my computer 3 times and
even switched computers so it got lost somewhere and I assumed I'd deleted it.
It was difficult to get back up and writing the chapter again but I even did
that, however while searching my computer for something a while ago I came
across something titled 14. (2) And I eventually realized it was the original
chapter 14. I know it's a bit short for what you're expecting but be happy I
found it! Enjoy J I'll get cracking on 15.
By the way
guys, I am a girl not a guy. Hope that doesn't make you like my story any less.
Just clearing up some misconceptions people seem to be having which is