Starting Over

by tim

This story is © 2004 by tim and is protected by copyright law. Please do not copy, or post this story to other sites without the author's permission. This is a fictional story. Any similarities between actual people or events are purely coincidental. This story will eventually contain sexual situations between teen males. If this subject offends you or you should not be reading this type of story, you assume all responsibility for continuing. This story also deals with the subject of teen suicide. The author hopes to show that this is not an acceptable option. Please send all comments to: . I will list the hotmail address again when they resolve their problems. Thanks and enjoy the story.

Stories by tim the story guy on Nifty:

Starting Over* - in the no-sex section (last update 10/11/04)

Training Day - in the adult/youth section (completed 9/17/04)

What A Gas! - in the adult/youth section (last update 10/13/04)

Sweet Sixteen - in the sci-fi/fantasy section (last update 10/14/04)

Allen & Allen 2 - in the high school section (last update 10/14/04)

No One Else - in the high school section (last update 10/13/04)

Fate - in the high school section (completed 5/21/04)

*Although Starting Over has been listed in the no-sex section of the archive, there will eventually be sexual situations between teen males.

Starting Over - by tim

Chapter 5

Over the next few weeks Wayne and Carter talked a lot about Carter's friendship with Travis. A lot of the time Wayne wanted to know more about the sexual situations that the two boys had been involved in. Wayne would often have to comfort Carter during their sessions, as it wasn't easy for Carter to talk about Travis. Sometimes it would hurt to the point where Carter would end up in tears, and Wayne would always stop for the day. Wayne was starting to get the very strong impression that Travis was actually in love with Carter too, but the boy could not accept himself as being gay. Wayne was beginning to wish that he had been there sooner for both boys, but there was no way for him to know. Wayne's concern now was for Carter.

Then one day Wayne got a phone call from Carter's parents. Travis's parents had come across a journal that Travis had been keeping. On the cover Travis had wrote that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted Carter to read and keep the journal. If what Wayne thought was in the journal was there, this might be the best way to approach things with Carter. Wayne felt that it would be much better if Carter came to the conclusion on his own that Travis was in love with him. If Travis had admitted to that in the journal, then Wayne would lead Carter to that conclusion and let the journal prove it to Carter. Whatever happened, Carter had to know the truth.

The day before the journal arrived was very tough on Carter. He couldn't help but to miss Travis. Although the grieving for Travis had gotten better, it still hurt that he had been in love with Travis but Travis was now gone forever. After Carter stopped crying, he told Wayne that he wanted to go for a walk on the beach by himself. Wayne made Carter promise that he wouldn't do anything to himself, even though Carter had not thought of suicide for a few weeks. Wayne only let Carter go when he was convinced that the boy would be okay.

As Carter walked along the beach he wondered several things. What if he had never revealed to Travis how he really felt? Would he have even be able to live with such a lie? What if Travis had accepted the love that he had offered? As much as Carter thought about these questions though, he could not come up with any answers. Even though Carter did not want to die now, he couldn't think of what it might take to make life seem worthwhile again. Then Carter noticed something in the sand, which turned out to be turtle tracks. They were very tiny turtle tracks. Carter followed them back to an empty sea turtle nest. Then he followed them toward the ocean. Just before reaching the high tide line, Carter found a baby sea turtle that was struggling to make it to the ocean. The poor little turtle seemed to have gone about as far as he could go, but he still kept struggling to reach the life that the ocean offered him. Carter picked the turtle up and looked into his face.

"Poor little dude." said Carter. "All you want is a chance to live, and there's no one to help you. You don't even know what's out there but you still want to find out, don't you? You may go on to be a very happy turtle if someone would just help you. Let's take you home little dude." Carter took the turtle down to the moonlit water and waded out a few feet from the shore. Then Carter leaned down and set the turtle into the water.

As soon as Carter's hand was underwater he said, "There you go little dude, grow up to be a big, strong, happy turtle. It's time to get on with your life." Then Carter looked up with tears forming in his eyes and said, "I'll always love you Travis, but I have to be like that little turtle. I have to find a way to go on."

Carter waded back to the shore, then cried all the way back to Wayne's house. Before going inside, Carter finally got himself to stop crying.

"How was the walk son?" asked Wayne when Carter came in.

"I think I really needed it." replied Carter. "I'm going to go on to bed now, it's kinda late."

The next morning Travis's journal had arrived. Wayne was not going to read the whole thing, he just wanted to see if there was any reference in the journal about how Travis felt. The page that Wayne turned to turned out to be so steamy that it made Wayne blush. Not only was Travis in love with Carter, the boy had a vivid imagination as well. There was also a passage that said that he could not cope with those feelings though, and he didn't know what would happen if his feelings did not change. Today was the day to get to work.

After Carter woke up and had breakfast, Wayne wanted to get the boy relaxed before getting to work. Wayne suggested a game of beach badminton. After setting up the net and explaining the rules to Carter, the two became embroiled in a heated match. Carter was a little wobbly at first, but caught on quickly. Wayne and Carter had a great time playing the game. When it was over, Carter had come from behind to slightly nudge Wayne out. Before going inside, Wayne showed Carter where the outside shower was. Both of them were covered in sand, and Wayne did not want to track it inside. Wayne and Carter rinsed the sand off their bodies, then Wayne lifted the front and back of his shorts out to wash the sand out of them as well. He then had Carter do the same thing. Carter was amazed at how much sand got down in his shorts. Once they were free of sand, Wayne and Carter went inside. After drying off, Wayne directed Carter to the living room.

"We're going to do some more work now Carter." said Wayne. "I want you to go ahead and lay back on the sofa, and relax as much as you can."

"Geez doc, you make it sound pretty serious." said Carter. Then Carter went ahead and did as Wayne had asked.

"I want you to really think about everything we discuss today Carter." said Wayne. "I know we've covered the subject of Travis over and over, but there are some things that I'm hoping you'll realize today."

"Okay doc," said Carter, "go ahead."

"Here we go then." said Wayne. "Remember to really think about what I say to you or ask you. The time when you masturbated Travis, how did he look as you had your hand wrapped around his penis."

"Like I said," replied Carter, "he really liked it."

"But was there any other kind of look in his face while you were masturbating him?" asked Wayne. "Please think really hard about it Carter."

"He did have this one expression that I couldn't quite figure out." replied Carter. "It was kinda like the expression on your face right now."

"The reason I have that expression on my face right now is because there is something that I really want to tell you, but I can't." said Wayne. "I have to let you figure it out on your own."

"You mean there was something that Travis wanted to tell me but he couldn't?" asked Carter. "Travis always told me everything Wayne."

"Nobody ever tells anyone everything Carter." said Wayne. "It's human nature to hold certain things back."

"Travis wouldn't have done that if it were something important though." said Carter.

"Then why didn't he tell you he was going to kill himself?" asked Wayne. "That sounds pretty important to me."

"Because he knew I would never let him do it." replied Carter. "That's different though. People who are going to kill themselves don't tell anyone."

"It happens on suicide hotlines all the time." said Wayne. 'But let's say that Travis did tell you everything. Did you look into his eyes just before he had his orgasm?"

"Yes, I did." replied Carter.

"What did you see in his eyes Carter?" asked Wayne. When Carter didn't answer after a few moments, Wayne said, "Carter???"

"It was love." replied Carter softly. "It was the most intense love that I had ever seen, but it didn't make any sense. Travis wasn't gay, was he? Was Travis in love with me Wayne?"

"What do you think?" asked Wayne.

"Wouldn't he have said something if he were?" asked Carter. "I'm sure he could tell that I was in love with him."

"Maybe he wouldn't have Carter." replied Wayne. "There are reasons for holding that kind of information back."

"But I was in love with him!" exclaimed Carter. "If he would have said something, we could have figured out something together! Why wouldn't he just tell me?"

"How did he look the instant after you kissed him?" asked Wayne.

Carter though about the question for a few minutes, then answered, "He, ...he, ...he kinda looked the same way I looked when I felt like I couldn't live with the way I was feeling. Did Travis kill himself because he was gay too, and he couldn't live with it?"

"That happens way too often in our society Carter." replied Wayne. "The suicide rate for gay teens is the highest that there is. Instead of telling our children that we love them no matter who they are, a lot of people drive it into their child's head that they can't be a certain way. If I had one wish right now, it would be for all kids out there to know that there's nothing wrong with being gay. They shouldn't persecute another child who happens to be gay, and they shouldn't persecute themselves if they're gay themselves. I wish I would have known Travis before so I could have told him that there isn't anything wrong with being gay, because someone had already convinced him that there was."

"I guess there's no way we'll ever know for sure, huh Wayne?" asked Carter.

Wayne then pulled out Travis's journal and said, "Travis's parents sent this to your parents. Travis wanted you to see what is in it. The poor boy didn't want you to hate him or yourself."

"Did you read it?" asked Carter.

"I opened it up to one page, to see if my suspicions were true." said Wayne. "It wasn't meant for me to read the whole thing, that's something that Travis only wanted you to do."

"Thanks Wayne." said Carter, as he took the journal from Wayne.

Carter began reading the journal right there. It wasn't long before tears began filling Carter's eyes, and Wayne was there to offer whatever comfort the boy needed. Carter read and cried, as Wayne hugged the boy and patted him on the back. When Carter finally finished reading, he sat there quietly for a long time.

Finally Carter said, "He had to know the truth Wayne. I knew in my heart that he suspected I was in love with him, but he had to know the truth. If I had known how he felt though, things would have been different."

"I know son." said Wayne. "You were doing what you knew you had to do. You had no way of knowing that his mind had been so poisoned though. You're a victim here too Carter because someone put you in the wrong place at the wrong time without your knowledge. Whoever poisoned Travis's mind is the one who did that to you too."

"Why would his own parents do that to him?" asked Carter.

"We don't want to jump to any conclusions before we know who is responsible Carter." said Wayne. "That won't do anyone any good."

"I just know it was them though." said Carter. "I'd be willing to bet on it."

"It may very well have been," replied Wayne, "but it might also have been friends or other family members. Please don't jump to any conclusions before we know for sure."

"We?" asked Carter.

"I'm with you all the way Carter." replied Wayne.

"I'm so happy to have a friend like you Wayne." said Carter. "It seems like we've known each other a lot longer than we have."

"Thanks Carter," replied Wayne, "I'm flattered, and happy to have you as a friend too."

"Why doc?" asked Carter. "I'm just a kid."

"You're more than just a kid Carter." said Wayne. "There was a time not too long ago that I had lost faith in myself. I did everything to get over one of the worst periods in my life, but nothing worked. Then, one of the most wonderful people I have ever met needed me. He needed me as much as I needed him. Carter, you helped me believe in myself again when I didn't think it would be possible."

Wayne and Carter sat there and hugged, as they wept onto each other's shoulder for almost an hour. When they finally parted they smiled a silly smile at each other, then began laughing lightly together.

"Let's go out on the boat Wayne!" said Carter.

"You got it son!" replied Wayne.

Wayne packed a light picnic lunch, then they headed to the marina. After they were on board, Wayne guided the boat out to the ocean. Wayne then turned the wheel over completely to Carter. Carter had a blast navigating the boat down the coastline, then he saw something that caught his eye. Carter slowed down and maneuvered the boat closer to shore, but not too close. He couldn't believe how many naked people he saw on the shore as he looked over the nude beach. It must have been some kind of paradise to Carter as he witnessed men openly holding hands on the beach, wearing nothing but smiles. When one of the younger couples on the beach noticed the boat, they began waving to the occupants. Carter eagerly returned the wave, then turned to Wayne.

"I know, I know." chuckled Wayne. "I did sort of promise you, didn't I?"

"When?" Carter almost shouted.

"Slow down tiger!" chuckled Wayne. "How about we try it tomorrow?"

"Thanks dude, that's so cool!" said Carter. "So, do you think this would be a good spot for lunch?"

"I guess so." chuckled Wayne. "I take it you like the scenery?"

"Hey," replied Carter, "I"m still just a horny kid, ain't I?"

When Wayne stopped laughing, him and Carter had their lunch. When they were finally finished with lunch and ready to leave, Carter gave another wave toward the shore. This time several more people on the shore waved back, which made Carter grin. Carter and Wayne finally took off and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon on the boat. Wayne knew that the real Carter was now on his way back, and he couldn't wait to meet the boy.

Please send all comments to: . See you again in Chapter 6.