Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2003 06:51:16 -0800 (PST) From: afterglow Subject: stay chapter 7 Stay Chapter 7 by afterglow Disclaimer: This is not wonderland. This is serious stuff. So if you feel that the tootsie fairy just whacked your butt in here, please read something else. This contains love/sexual desires between teenagers. Any similarities to certain persons are purely coincidental. And unless this kind of material offends you're crude mind, I suggest you sit back, relax and enjoy wonderland. *** Okay guys, I'm really sorry for this one! As I said in the last chapter, I've been doing schoolwork and well I've never found the time to write. So to make this up to you, I'll post the next one as soon as possible. I hope you all understand... *** Well, I guess I just hate parties. So here I am alone. Again. Outside. In the dark. Working up the courage to drink this so called wine in my hand. Urgh! Sometimes I just want to kill myself. Well, duh? As you can see by now the party is still running. Not that it's party or anything. Okay, look over there. See the banner that says "Matt and Michael forever". Yes, you guessed it right. It's a gay party. Well, not really. Jed's uncle is getting married to that man in the black suit. Jed never told me his uncle was gay, not that was any of my concern. It's just that he could have told me we're going to this kind of party. What am I doing? God! I'm blabbing again. And I'm not even drunk yet. It's just that, Urgh, I hate parties! "Hate parties?" Huh? Did I say that aloud? And then I felt someone sit beside me. "Yeah," I said as I faced him. And then it dawned me. This guy looks familiar. He must have sensed my confusion and spoke up, "I'm Jed's brother, Trent". He held out his hand and shook mine. Wow, they're almost alike. I mean the face and the built. But I guess Trent is much taller. "I'm Jed's friend, Edo." "So I finally met the Edo my brother's been talking about." Jed's been talking about me? "Well, if your wondering where he is, he's over there with some girl." I watched as Trent pointed out to the pool. Yup, it's Pat all right. They're both at the edge of the pool and it looks like they're in deep conversation. I watched as Pat's hands suddenly take Jed's. And at that moment, my heart kept beating so fast. What's wrong with me? "They look good together, don't you agree?" It took me awhile to answer that, "Uhhhh, yeah." I quickly looked the opposite way and just stared at the trees in front of me. That's it Edo, the trees. Concentrate on the trees. Damn trees! I felt my left hand stir and in one shot, I gulped down the wine I was holding. "So Edo, do you have someone special in your life right now?" Well, that question caught me off guard. "Uh... uhh... no... nope." "Well, good for you. To be honest, I've never been the fan of something like that. I've never really felt, you know, that thing." "Love?" I blurted out. "Yeah, the big L. Look, it's not that I'm afraid of it or anything, but you'd agree with me if I said that it sucks, right?" Huh? "Uh... I don't know." "Well, believe it or not pretty boy, someday, sometime you're going to meet someone that you really, I mean really fell bad for. Then you start believing that that person feels the same way. But then you wake up, with a slap from reality that says 'it's over, get on with your life, that person loves somebody else'. So you see, I've given up that big L along time ago. And look what it did to me. I never again felt rejection or pain or the hopes of being madly falling. I've learn to accept who I am and be myself without restrictions..." And he goes on and on. Wow, suddenly a light bulb appeared in my head. As all the words kept sinking in, I felt that he's right. He's so right. I mean there's no point in falling in love with Jed. Nor falling in love is ever an option. Because... because well, I'm gay. And whenever I'll fall over a guy, I'll think that what's best for him isn't me but somebody else. Somebody straight. And when I was about to say something, I felt his head fall on my shoulder. I looked at him and saw his eyes closed. Oh gee, I thought he was for real. I guess the alcohol just set him off. Maybe I should leave now before I doze off too. I carefully slip my arms around Trent to straighten him out. And then as I was about to stand up, I heard footsteps from behind us. "Oh, how romantic, look at those two by the garden. Aren't they cute?" *** I'm glad that was over. I spent half the time dodging everyone in the party and saying goodbye to Jed's uncle. Well, Jed was still with Pat and I didn't want to disturb them. So here I am at the front door of grams' house. And just when I thought the night wouldn't end, grams greeted me with a worried face. "Grams what's wrong?" I asked her. "It's Jarrod. He's been sitting at the lake for hours. He came here early to talk to you and I said you were at a party. I'm worried Edo, he looks so depressed." "Grams, it's alright. I'll go talk to him now." So I pushed the door to our backyard to and went by the lake. And soon I saw a silhouette sitting at the edge of our log, I knew it was Jarrod. I smiled when I remembered how Jarrod used to come here whenever he wants to see me at night. He'll then sneak up to me while I keep on looking for him. And when I turn around, he'll be pinning me down and tickling me until I say 'Jarrod is the most pretty boy I've ever met'. Well, I usually give up every time he does that but I can't understand why he keeps on doing those things. Oh, how I miss those days. "Do you remember the times when we use to hang around this tree whenever it gets dark?" Jarrod asked. I looked at him point blank, "Jarrod, what are you doing here?" "And I'd come around and sneak up on you. You should have seen yourself laugh at those moments. It was so genuine and so priceless. And I'd tickle you to no end until you say..." "Jarrod is the most pretty boy I ever met," I cut him off. "You remember? We where like what? six? Eight?" "Seven. You started doing that on my seventh birthday. While I was busy hiding from the party, you come along and have this freakish idea to go skinny-dipping. And I refused and then you started that tickling session and I guess that's it." "Yeah. I guess that's it." And then for a second there, we just looked at the smooth curves of the water in front of us. "Jarrod..." I whispered. "Edo, I'm not here to fight. I... I came because... um, I want to talk to you about something." "I know, Pat's doing all right..." "This has nothing to do with Pat. It's about you." "Oh..." I said confused. "Look Edo, I know I have been a dip shit to you. And I know that every time you're around, I go angry and I start blaming you for everything." And he breathed, "This is so hard for me." Then for a second there, I smiled. "I know Jarrod. We've known each other way back. And I know that's it's so hard for you to say sorry. Well, Jarrod it's over. Some things are meant to be left behind. But you know what, I understand. I understand that the only constant thing in this world is change. And I'm just part of that change in your life. I'm just a phase, a time, a memory." "Is that what you think?" Then Jarrod laughed, "All my life, I've been searching for this person who could make me laugh, who could share my joys and moments of pain, who I could just feel connected to with every bit of my soul. And then you left and I realized, I was looking at the wrong direction." And at that moment I felt very irritated, "Look, Jarrod, why are you here? What's this all about? You want to say sorry, I accepted you apology. What more do you want from me?" Jarrod's eyes sparkled in the moonlight. He was looking straight at me as if trying to find some answers. "You really don't know, do you? Well... here." And at that time, I saw white letter that came out of his hand. "It's a letter from a boy who loves another boy, who's about to leave him behind. And you know, the funny thing is, it's not because he's gay but because he can't tell it straight to him." Then I felt my mouth begin to speak, "Well maybe because he's afraid." "Afraid that he will be rejected or afraid that the person he loves feels the same way?" "Both. Maybe for years he's been so confused with his emotions and now all he wants is for him to know that he loves him. Maybe he's afraid because he doesn't want to share his pain to another. Or maybe because he's just... afraid." "Are you afraid Edo?" This time my heart was beating so fast, "Every time." And then we stared again at the flowing water. "Edo, sometimes I wonder where our friendship will lead to. Sometimes I feel we're so alike and so connected. And then sometimes I feel that you're miles apart. I don't know where the boat will lead us but I guess every path has its end. I just came here because I want to tell you personally that I'm... that I'm leaving." Leaving? Who's leaving? He can't leave! NO! I felt like the world has turned upside down. And then it hit me. The signs. The time where Jed said the exact words Jarrod spoke. And the dreams I've been having! God! It wasn't about Jed. It was all about Jarrod. I was just too obsessed with Jed that I became blind to Jarrod. Urgh! "You can't leave. Um, you're whole life is here. You're family is here. You're friends are going to miss you. Pat and Jed are going to miss you. I... I'm going to miss you." Jarrod then held my hand, "Edo, my heart maybe here. But my life is somewhere else. I have been accepted for a football scholarship at Australia. You know I've always wanted to be on the field. They say if I do well enough I could play professional football. And well, this is my dream Edo, my chance. For the first time in my life, I've actually found something I could hold onto." Now I felt what's it like to be on the other side. How it feels like to be left behind. Why is this happening to me? What could I say? "I hate you." I said bluntly. "I know I've been there." "Are you doing this because..." "No, it was my decision. And I said it was my dream. I just want to say goodbye to you before I leave." And then he took my hand and said, "This is for you Edo. I know that when I'm gone, when I'm not around every time you're afraid, I want you to hold this tight and remember me. I want you to know that no matter what; I'll be always here to give you all the courage you need. So that someday, somehow, you can say to the person you love the most that you're not afraid to love them." I opened my hand and was surprised. It was a locket that has my initials on it. This time I was crying my heart out. And Jarrod just hugged me at that moment. He was telling me that it was going to be all right. But it isn't. Jarrod's gone. The first person I fell for is going to leave me. Suddenly I remembered what Trent said to me earlier. Love sucks. And now, I feel like I won't love anyone else anymore. *** Okay, people. Mushy ending there. But I need this part so I can wrap things up with Edo and Jarrod. I hope I didn't disappoint you! So again to all those who emailed me and said that they loved the story. Keep it coming guys! So stay cool ya al'! Peace! *afterglow Stay Chapter 7 by afterglow Disclaimer: This is not wonderland. This is serious stuff. So if you feel that the tootsie fairy just whacked your butt in here, please read something else. This contains love/sexual desires between teenagers. Any similarities to certain persons are purely coincidental. And unless this kind of material offends you're crude mind, I suggest you sit back, relax and enjoy wonderland. *** Okay guys, I'm really sorry for this one! As I said in the last chapter, I've been doing schoolwork and well I've never found the time to write. So to make this up to you, I'll post the next one as soon as possible. I hope you all understand... *** Well, I guess I just hate parties. So here I am alone. Again. Outside. In the dark. Working up the courage to drink this so called wine in my hand. Urgh! Sometimes I just want to kill myself. Well, duh? As you can see by now the party is still running. Not that it's party or anything. Okay, look over there. See the banner that says "Matt and Michael forever". Yes, you guessed it right. It's a gay party. Well, not really. Jed's uncle is getting married to that man in the black suit. Jed never told me his uncle was gay, not that was any of my concern. It's just that he could have told me we're going to this kind of party. What am I doing? God! I'm blabbing again. And I'm not even drunk yet. It's just that, Urgh, I hate parties! "Hate parties?" Huh? Did I say that aloud? And then I felt someone sit beside me. "Yeah," I said as I faced him. And then it dawned me. This guy looks familiar. He must have sensed my confusion and spoke up, "I'm Jed's brother, Trent". He held out his hand and shook mine. Wow, they're almost alike. I mean the face and the built. But I guess Trent is much taller. "I'm Jed's friend, Edo." "So I finally met the Edo my brother's been talking about." Jed's been talking about me? "Well, if your wondering where he is, he's over there with some girl." I watched as Trent pointed out to the pool. Yup, it's Pat all right. They're both at the edge of the pool and it looks like they're in deep conversation. I watched as Pat's hands suddenly take Jed's. And at that moment, my heart kept beating so fast. What's wrong with me? "They look good together, don't you agree?" It took me awhile to answer that, "Uhhhh, yeah." I quickly looked the opposite way and just stared at the trees in front of me. That's it Edo, the trees. Concentrate on the trees. Damn trees! I felt my left hand stir and in one shot, I gulped down the wine I was holding. "So Edo, do you have someone special in your life right now?" Well, that question caught me off guard. "Uh... uhh... no... nope." "Well, good for you. To be honest, I've never been the fan of something like that. I've never really felt, you know, that thing." "Love?" I blurted out. "Yeah, the big L. Look, it's not that I'm afraid of it or anything, but you'd agree with me if I said that it sucks, right?" Huh? "Uh... I don't know." "Well, believe it or not pretty boy, someday, sometime you're going to meet someone that you really, I mean really fell bad for. Then you start believing that that person feels the same way. But then you wake up, with a slap from reality that says 'it's over, get on with your life, that person loves somebody else'. So you see, I've given up that big L along time ago. And look what it did to me. I never again felt rejection or pain or the hopes of being madly falling. I've learn to accept who I am and be myself without restrictions..." And he goes on and on. Wow, suddenly a light bulb appeared in my head. As all the words kept sinking in, I felt that he's right. He's so right. I mean there's no point in falling in love with Jed. Nor falling in love is ever an option. Because... because well, I'm gay. And whenever I'll fall over a guy, I'll think that what's best for him isn't me but somebody else. Somebody straight. And when I was about to say something, I felt his head fall on my shoulder. I looked at him and saw his eyes closed. Oh gee, I thought he was for real. I guess the alcohol just set him off. Maybe I should leave now before I doze off too. I carefully slip my arms around Trent to straighten him out. And then as I was about to stand up, I heard footsteps from behind us. "Oh, how romantic, look at those two by the garden. Aren't they cute?" *** I'm glad that was over. I spent half the time dodging everyone in the party and saying goodbye to Jed's uncle. Well, Jed was still with Pat and I didn't want to disturb them. So here I am at the front door of grams' house. And just when I thought the night wouldn't end, grams greeted me with a worried face. "Grams what's wrong?" I asked her. "It's Jarrod. He's been sitting at the lake for hours. He came here early to talk to you and I said you were at a party. I'm worried Edo, he looks so depressed." "Grams, it's alright. I'll go talk to him now." So I pushed the door to our backyard to and went by the lake. And soon I saw a silhouette sitting at the edge of our log, I knew it was Jarrod. I smiled when I remembered how Jarrod used to come here whenever he wants to see me at night. He'll then sneak up to me while I keep on looking for him. And when I turn around, he'll be pinning me down and tickling me until I say 'Jarrod is the most pretty boy I've ever met'. Well, I usually give up every time he does that but I can't understand why he keeps on doing those things. Oh, how I miss those days. "Do you remember the times when we use to hang around this tree whenever it gets dark?" Jarrod asked. I looked at him point blank, "Jarrod, what are you doing here?" "And I'd come around and sneak up on you. You should have seen yourself laugh at those moments. It was so genuine and so priceless. And I'd tickle you to no end until you say..." "Jarrod is the most pretty boy I ever met," I cut him off. "You remember? We where like what? six? Eight?" "Seven. You started doing that on my seventh birthday. While I was busy hiding from the party, you come along and have this freakish idea to go skinny-dipping. And I refused and then you started that tickling session and I guess that's it." "Yeah. I guess that's it." And then for a second there, we just looked at the smooth curves of the water in front of us. "Jarrod..." I whispered. "Edo, I'm not here to fight. I... I came because... um, I want to talk to you about something." "I know, Pat's doing all right..." "This has nothing to do with Pat. It's about you." "Oh..." I said confused. "Look Edo, I know I have been a dip shit to you. And I know that every time you're around, I go angry and I start blaming you for everything." And he breathed, "This is so hard for me." Then for a second there, I smiled. "I know Jarrod. We've known each other way back. And I know that's it's so hard for you to say sorry. Well, Jarrod it's over. Some things are meant to be left behind. But you know what, I understand. I understand that the only constant thing in this world is change. And I'm just part of that change in your life. I'm just a phase, a time, a memory." "Is that what you think?" Then Jarrod laughed, "All my life, I've been searching for this person who could make me laugh, who could share my joys and moments of pain, who I could just feel connected to with every bit of my soul. And then you left and I realized, I was looking at the wrong direction." And at that moment I felt very irritated, "Look, Jarrod, why are you here? What's this all about? You want to say sorry, I accepted you apology. What more do you want from me?" Jarrod's eyes sparkled in the moonlight. He was looking straight at me as if trying to find some answers. "You really don't know, do you? Well... here." And at that time, I saw white letter that came out of his hand. "It's a letter from a boy who loves another boy, who's about to leave him behind. And you know, the funny thing is, it's not because he's gay but because he can't tell it straight to him." Then I felt my mouth begin to speak, "Well maybe because he's afraid." "Afraid that he will be rejected or afraid that the person he loves feels the same way?" "Both. Maybe for years he's been so confused with his emotions and now all he wants is for him to know that he loves him. Maybe he's afraid because he doesn't want to share his pain to another. Or maybe because he's just... afraid." "Are you afraid Edo?" This time my heart was beating so fast, "Every time." And then we stared again at the flowing water. "Edo, sometimes I wonder where our friendship will lead to. Sometimes I feel we're so alike and so connected. And then sometimes I feel that you're miles apart. I don't know where the boat will lead us but I guess every path has its end. I just came here because I want to tell you personally that I'm... that I'm leaving." Leaving? Who's leaving? He can't leave! NO! I felt like the world has turned upside down. And then it hit me. The signs. The time where Jed said the exact words Jarrod spoke. And the dreams I've been having! God! It wasn't about Jed. It was all about Jarrod. I was just too obsessed with Jed that I became blind to Jarrod. Urgh! "You can't leave. Um, you're whole life is here. You're family is here. You're friends are going to miss you. Pat and Jed are going to miss you. I... I'm going to miss you." Jarrod then held my hand, "Edo, my heart maybe here. But my life is somewhere else. I have been accepted for a football scholarship at Australia. You know I've always wanted to be on the field. They say if I do well enough I could play professional football. And well, this is my dream Edo, my chance. For the first time in my life, I've actually found something I could hold onto." Now I felt what's it like to be on the other side. How it feels like to be left behind. Why is this happening to me? What could I say? "I hate you." I said bluntly. "I know I've been there." "Are you doing this because..." "No, it was my decision. And I said it was my dream. I just want to say goodbye to you before I leave." And then he took my hand and said, "This is for you Edo. I know that when I'm gone, when I'm not around every time you're afraid, I want you to hold this tight and remember me. I want you to know that no matter what; I'll be always here to give you all the courage you need. So that someday, somehow, you can say to the person you love the most that you're not afraid to love them." I opened my hand and was surprised. It was a locket that has my initials on it. This time I was crying my heart out. And Jarrod just hugged me at that moment. He was telling me that it was going to be all right. But it isn't. Jarrod's gone. The first person I fell for is going to leave me. Suddenly I remembered what Trent said to me earlier. Love sucks. And now, I feel like I won't love anyone else anymore. *** Okay, people. Mushy ending there. But I need this part so I can wrap things up with Edo and Jarrod. I hope I didn't disappoint you! So again to all those who emailed me and said that they loved the story. Keep it coming guys! So stay cool ya al'! Peace! *afterglow