Disclaimer: Same rules as always apply. Contains adult content and strong language.
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Stay With Me
Time has never been on my side. I didn't really understand how much I really needed it until now. I needed it like it needed air. It was that important. But, like every other disappointment in my life, it just wasn't possible. So I fell. Into the darkness. And I never really recovered. I realized at a young age, far to young for anyone, how cruel the world could really be. It was at that age, I stopped believing...and I stopped being a child.
-Noah 10.12.07~8:00 PM
I ran down the hallway ignoring Trey's rants. I had to get to Brandon before he left the apartment completely. He needed to see someone about his hand. That was only half the truth.
I turned around and gave Trey a look, telling him to shut up. He ignored it.
"You choosin that nigga over me?" He yelled.
"I ain't choosin nobody, he's my friend and he's hurt and I'm not gonna let him just keep hittin shit. He could hurt himself!!" I yelled back at Trey.
He just huffed. "Are you dumb or what?"
"Excuse me?" I asked quickly getting offended.
"He fuckin likes you. Why the hell else you think he actin like this? Hittin shit after seein us bout to fuck." Trey said smirking over at Brandon.
I let a smile spread across my face. So Brandon liked me? With that thought in mind, I ran faster towards my destination. Towards Brandon.
I finally reached the bottom of the stairwell and still no sign on Brandon. I felt defeated. I glanced outside the window and saw someone standing near the entrance gate. The guys back was turned and I couldn't see his face, but I could tell that he was smoking. My heart began to beat a little faster with anxiety. The guy suddenly turned around and his eyes slowly made contact with mine.
Our eyes remained locked on each other. It almost hurt too much to look at him, the pain in his eyes, and to know that I caused that pain. It hurt. I opened the door, moving slowly so that I didn't upset him again. He just stood there looking at me with the same blank stare, as I got closer and closer to him.
"Stop." He mumbled. I stopped instantly, as if his words had power over me. He turned his back and for a second I thought he was going to leave. "Why did you follow me? I thought you wanted to continue what you were doing before I got there."
"I-I was worried." I said trying to get closer to him. "About you."
He laughed coldly. So unlike him. "Really, YOU worried about ME?" He asked sarcastically, `That's funny."
Guilt. But where was it coming from?
"That's not fair, and you know it!" I yelled at him getting pissed all over again.
"Fair?" He asked again mocking me, "You wanna talk bout fair and shit. You know nothing-"
"I know how you feel bout me..." I interrupted, "And I think I know how I feel bout you now."
The anger subsided from his face and for a moment everything seemed like it was normal. Like before all this happened. He moved closer to me standing only centimeters away from me. If I reached out, I could touch his face.
"Why.." My voice was cracking. It was getting harder to force myself not to cry. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
He reached out to caress my face with his hand and I leaned into the touch.
It was warm.
It was sincere.
It was tender. Like he was trying to pour out all his emotions in a single touch.
"I did...you were just too blind to see it." He whispered before leaning down to kiss my lips softly. The kiss was so light that I wasn't even sure if our lips had touched. I wanted more. He pulled back far too soon. I wanted to reach out and grab him. Kiss him. Hold him. But I couldn't.
He was smiling when I opened my eyes. It's been a long time since I saw him smile at me. Genuinely. I wish I could smile like that. Act as if I hadn't a care in the world...when really my world was slowly crumbling around me and I was powerless to stop it. I reached out to grab his hand and mine and saw his face wince in pain. That's when I remembered that he had injured it.
"I'm sorry...god Brandon I forgot." I said quickly letting go of his hand. "We need to get you to a hospital. Somebody needs to look at that."
He gave a nervous laugh. "Yeah its hurts like a bitch."
We both laughed a little which helped to ease the tension, but it quickly returned and silence fell between us again.
"Then...why did you do it?" I asked knowing the answer to my own question. I just needed to hear it from his lips.
He looked at me like I was crazy. "You know exactly why I hit that wall. He doesn't fuckin deserve you and you know that shit. That's what trips me up bout you. You always walk around here talkin bout you had a hard life and how nobody takes you seriously, but if you would just give somebody a chance, a real man, then you wouldn't have to walk around feelin like that anymore."
Okay so maybe I wasn't expecting that. For some reason I felt offended. Maybe it was because he was right. And the truth hurt. It hurt like hell.
"Like I said we better get this checked." I said ignoring his little `confession'.
"So that's it?" He asked.
"That's it." I replied walking towards the hospital.
Janice never really cared about me. I guess in a way that was a good thing. I didn't need the kind of love that only a crack head could give. I was 10 years old when I found out that she wasn't my real mother. That was a blessing and for the first and only time in my life. I got on my knees and thanked God for the blessing that he had given me. It was also at the age of ten that I got my first taste of how real (cruel) the world could be. I was just a kid. I didn't know what sex was or how it was supposed to happen. One of the neighborhood police officers, imagine the irony, introduced me to the world of sex. I remember the day clearly. It was raining, and I was late getting home not that I had a curfew. Some thugs were giving me a hard time, saying how cute and young I was. Just the right age to start to learn about the pleasure of pleasing others. I denied them. They beat me. Slapped me around. Kicked me a couple of times. When I was weak enough they tried to make me submit to them. Then I heard police sirens, and the thugs ran off. The officer ran to my rescue. He was no older than 30 and was pretty fit. That's all I remember about him. He picked me up in his arms and put me in his car. I thought he was going to take me to the hospital, but I was surprised when he passed the hospital and we were headed out of town. He stopped at this house a few miles from the city. It was the only house for miles and it looked somewhat abandoned. I looked around confused. He reassured me telling me he just wanted to take care of me. I didn't understand what he meant by `take care'. When we got inside he left the room and returned with a first aid kit. I relaxed a little. Its funny how easily trust can be gained when you are a child. He told me to remove my shirt so that he could better address my wounds. Naïve. I did as I was told. I felt him wrapping a bandage around my chest, but it didn't stop even after the bandage was secured. He kept rubbing my chest and making sounds to go along with it. Moaning. Groaning. I didn't know any better. I...I was just a child. And he took advantage of that. I tried to resist him. Tell him that I felt better. He insisted. And when I refused he handcuffed me. I screamed. I yelled. I even begged him to stop. He didn't. It wasn't until I felt the burning sensation in my ass did I cease all noise. My screams turned to silence. But the tears never stopped.
~Noah 10.13.07 2:00AM
Getting Brandon's hand checked out at the hospital took longer than expected. We were there for five hours. Apparently his hand was insignificant compared to all the other patients who were in need.
Reason number four why I hate hospitals.
I don't know why I waited that long. I could've left. He didn't need me anymore. But a part of me couldn't just walk away and that part took over. What was I expecting? For me and Brandon to be together and every doubt and care that I've ever had would just melt away and we would live happily ever after?
There's no such thing as happy endings.
Regardless I stayed.
His hand was broken in three places and had to be wrapped up in a cast. He came out smiling like nothing happened. He walked up to me after talking to the doctor, something about release papers. I just stared at him. His smile seemed to disappear the closer he got to me.
"Are you ready to leave?" I asked.
He shook his head no. "The doctor says he wants to write me a prescription and sign a few papers before I leave."
I rolled my eyes. "Okay then I'm leavin. Ain't no point in me stayin anyway." I turned to leave but he stopped me by grabbing my hand. I didn't turn around but allowed him to still hold my hand.
"Please just stay a little longer. I don't want you walking home by yourself. Let me walk you." He said sounding sincere. I just sighed and shrugged my shoulders.
"Whatever." I said removing my hand from his and walking to the chair to sit down. He frowned then turned and walked towards the front desk to fill out the paper work.
Finally at 3:35AM we were leaving the hospital and I was beyond tired. Brandon walked me home as promised and he even went as far as putting his arm around me and placing my head on his chest. I was too tired to protest, I don't think I wanted to anyway. Being with him like this felt right and it felt good. But it was all just a dream deferred. Maybe it would never come true. I was okay with that, just as long as I could live right now.
We arrived at my apartment too soon. I wanted to be with Brandon a little longer. I didn't want to go back to the reality that was behind those doors. I wanted to stay with him, in my dream. But like every other dream...I had to wake up.
"Thank you." I whispered still in his arms. We were hugging now and he held me close, not wanting to let go. That was fine by me.
I felt him reach into his pocket and I didn't know what to expect. He reached down to my hand and intertwined it with his own slipping something to me in the process. I broke away from him to look down at what he had given me.
The look on my face must have displayed my confusion, because he quickly spoke up.
"I want you to be the first...and the only one to sign it." He whispered holding out his broken hand. I looked up into his hazel eyes and saw that he was serious. Then suddenly he reached out with his other hand and grabbed my shirt pulling me into him and our lips together. I moaned out of shock or because it felt good, either way he took the opportunity to push is tongue past my lips and into my mouth. That did surprise me but I opened my mouth to receive his tongue. I felt myself being pushed against the entrance gate and Brandon's hand sliding over my bare chest. I moaned again and felt him smile into the kiss. My hands began to roam his body running over his smooth abs and chest. I wanted him. Just as the kiss was heating up I felt a light shining on us. We broke away from the kiss to see a security guard holding a flashlight and looking at us from the other side of the gate.
"Is there a problem officer?" Brandon asked a little annoyed.
"Yeah." The guard stated. "As a matter of fact it is. I had complaints about a noise coming from the front gate."
"'We'll keep it down." Brandon replied waving the guard off.
"How about you move it along or I arrest you." The guard replied back.
Brandon was about to say something back, but I stopped him. "I live here and he was um..." I looked back at Brandon. "He was just leaving."
The guard seemed okay with that answer. "Okay then." He gave Brandon a look before walking off.
I turned back to Brandon and gazed at me seductively. He was biting his lower lips and his eyes were low and squinting a little. This was gonna be harder then I thought.
"Now where were we?" He asked leaning down to kiss me again. I turned my head to the side and he gave me a confused look.
"I was about to sign your cast." I said reaching for his hand. He held it steady and I wrote on it.
Noah Alexzander Bennett
He looked at me. "You've never told me your whole name before."
I gave the marker back to him. "Consider yourself lucky." I said before walking through the gate and towards my apartment. I heard him yell my name. I turned around. He was pressed against the gate.
"Goodnight Noah Alexzander Bennett."
I smiled. A real smile. "Goodnight Brandon James Scott." I whispered before disappearing into the apartment.
I took my time going up the stairs feeling like my world was spinning but in a good way. For the first time in my life I felt...happy. And it showed. I liked this feeling. As I got closer and closer to my apartment the happy feeling began to fade as realization set in. I was going back to my life...back to reality. I turned the corner to my apartment and saw someone standing against the wall. Instantly I realized the figure to be none other than Trey. He actually waited for me to come back? Why?
"So how is lover boy?" Trey asked not really caring how Brandon was. I don't have time for this. I rolled my eyes and walked past him to my door. He grabbed me by the arm and turned me around to face him. I jerked my arm away from him and looked him in the eyes. The next thing I knew we were kissing. Hard. He pushed me up against the opposite wall and I wrapped my legs around his waist for support. I felt his hard dick pressing against my ass. I gyrated my hips rocking back and forth on his dick. He let out a loud moan and moved his lips to my neck sucking and biting. I moaned.
"You want daddy dick?" He whispered in my ear. His voice husky and deep. All I could do was nod my head yes. I didn't just want his dick, I needed it. While still holding me up he undid his pants and they dropped to the floor along with his boxers freeing his dick. I felt him tug at my pants and I lifted my hips so that he could slide them down a little exposing my ass. My whole body was shaking with anticipation.
"You ready for this dick, baby?" He moaned into my ear.
"Please Trey fuck me." I pleaded.
That's all he needed. He just wanted to hear me say it. Men. I felt the head of his dick at the entrance of my ass and my body shivered one last time before I felt the head of his dick pushing into my ass. His precum was lube enough and soon he was pushing all of his big dick into me. I gasped at the feeling I was experiencing. I just felt complete. I gyrated my hips on his dick letting him know I wanted him to fuck me now. He laughed a little and pulled his dick almost all the way out and slammed it back into me. I yelled out in ecstasy as he was slowly fucking me against the wall of our apartment in the hallway.
"You love this dick baby?" His deep voice sounded.
I moaned out a yes.
"You fuck that nigga?"
I didn't answer him right away and he pulled his dick out and slammed it hard into me. I yelled out again in ecstasy. I love it when he does that. He kept repeating that motion and I could feel my eyes rolling in the back of my head. The pleasure was overwhelming. He asked the question again. And I answered him immediately.
"NO!" I screamed out a little to loud but I didn't care. The things he was doing to my body. I didn't even care that some people had come outside to see what all the noise was. Most of them had looks of disgust and returned to their rooms slamming the door shut. But a few stayed and watched. Fine by me. I was getting mine.
"Good cus this ass is mine...Is the ass mine?"
"Oh yes its yours Trey...its all yours." I moaned out.
His speed began to increase and I could tell he was getting close. I grabbed my dick and began pumping it to the motion of our fucking. I could feel myself getting close. I was gonna blow at any moment.
"Awwww...shit...I'm bout to...fuuuuccckk!" He screamed out. I felt his dick throb inside me and then the hot sensation of his cum filling me up. My own dick erupted a few minutes later spraying cum all over my chest and Trey's stomach. He was still fucking me slowly his dick was still very hard. I felt myself sliding down the wall and he fell to his knees with his dick still deep in my ass. I moaned and shivered one last time. My eyes were slowly closing. After a fuck like that I was more than exhausted. Trey leaned forward and kissed me deeply again slipping his tongue into my mouth briefly. Then he said something that I wasn't sure if I heard right. Maybe I dreamt he said it.
"I'm only this way cus you make me...cus I love you."
After that my world went dark as I drifted off into sleep in the hallway after the most intense sex of my life.
I guess I don't deserve to be happy. What is happiness anyway? A temporary emotion that causes a feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy. Its only temporary. Happiness doesn't last. So why do so many people spend their lives trying to attain something that's only momentary? After that incident happened my whole attitude changed. I no longer ran around the naïve little child I was before. I was forced to grow up. Forced to realize that I was noting more than just a slave to sex. I craved it. I needed it. And I did any and everything to feed that craving. Which is how I got involved with Trey. He was a drug dealer, and I was at rock bottom. He offered me a pill. I took it and all my problems faded. But everything has its price. My payment. Was my body. I gave myself to Trey anytime and anywhere he wanted, no questions asked. Then slowly over time the drugs became an excuse for Trey to fuck me. I didn't really care for the drugs, I wasn't addicted. Just when life got to be tough. I popped a pill and things were good again. But I was addicted to something. Trey. At that time I was 12 and he was 18.
~Noah 10.13.07 10:36AM
When I woke up it was morning and I was in my bed. No I was in someone else's bed. I sat up looking around the room and taking in my surroundings. I glanced to my left and saw Trey sleeping. He had brought me back to his room. I sat in his bed collecting my thoughts mostly, as memories of last night entered my mind. At first I had thought of Brandon and how he made me feel last night. Then...I thought of Trey and what happened last night in the hallway. But what kept popping up in my head was what he said.
"I'm only this way cus you make me...cus I love you."
Maybe I imagined it...
Maybe I wanted him to say those words. Admittedly I did want to hear him say those words. Deep down somewhere where I still believed in love. I wanted him to not only say it...but mean it too.
I shook my head trying not to wake him up in the process. This was so stupid. I was being naïve again. And I would be damn if I go back to that again. I didn't need love. Not from Brandon and definitely not from Trey. All I needed was me myself and I.
Love Is For Fools.
Love is more than a feeling, it is also a decision, and I decide not to fall in love. It only brings happiness and happiness is only temporary. After that's gone all there is left is pain and heartache.
I got off the bed as softly as I could. I didn't want to wake him up; then I would never get out of here. I quickly located my shirt and pants and put them on silently. I grabbed my shoes, not bothering to put them on since it was just a few steps to my room. I made it to the door opened it and closed it behind me without waking him up. Once outside the door I breathed as sigh of relief and walked to my apartment.
I unlocked the door to my apartment. Janice wasn't there and for that I was thankful. I stripped my clothes off in the front and walked towards the bathroom. I turned on the water and stepped inside. The water was hot, but the heat felt good on my body.
I turned the shower off and let the water run in the tub. I laid down and let the water fill in around me. I let out a sigh of relief as the hot water soothed my body. It felt so good. I used my foot to turn the water off and just sat back and relaxed. I felt myself getting sleepy, but I didn't want to leave the bathroom. So I just settled for falling asleep in the bathroom.
I can't breathe.
What's happening to me?
Is this a dream?
No. I'm really drowning.
Not by accident either...someone was trying to kill me!