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They Could Never Have Yesterday


I've never told anyone but when I was younger a lot of weird things used to happen. Like I always felt like I was being watched. I know it sounds crazy but I don't know how else to explain it. Whoever it was watching me they never approached me, they just watched from a distance. I never saw who it was. Every time I turn to look they would disappear. I wasn't paranoid and I know that everyone gets that feeling that someone is watching them, but this was different. I felt like they were watching out for me...kind of like a guardian angel. Maybe it was my parents, but if that's the case why didn't they ever approach me...tell me who they were? Maybe it wasn't them. I don't know. Even now I still feel like I'm constantly being watched and weird things are happening. Like when I really needed money to eat or to pay a bill or two. It would always just appear in the mailbox. No return address, no name, just an envelope with my name and address. How else would a crack head and a teenager be able to live in an apartment? Crack heads don't spend their money on other people...they just support their habit. I guess maybe in a way God was watching out for me when everyone else had abandoned me. Either way, I didn't question a blessing. I just hoped that whoever it was that was watching out for me never went away.

~Noah 10.16.07 6:45am

I shifted a little in my sleep and slowly my eyes fluttered open. The first thing I saw was Trey's face. He was still sleeping, and for once he looked peaceful. Without all the worry and stress that each day brings upon him. I reached my hand out and gently ran my fingers over his cheek. It was kind of rough, the hair on his face, but I liked it. It made him more manly. I don't know what I feel for Trey, and laying here with him in my bed, without us having sex, I knew I felt something for him...even if I couldn't put it into words right now.

My mind began to wander and my thoughts kept going back to yesterday. The memories that I formed. The bonds that were strengthened.


Was it selfish to ask to return to that moment in time, or at least relive it all over again? Maybe...so call me selfish then.

I moved closer to Trey so that his lips were just a few inches away. I wanted to kiss him so bad. Where did this urge come from? I didn't know, but I've never been one to question why things happen...they just do. So I went with my urge. I leaned forward and placed my lips on his, softly sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. Almost instantly he began kissing me back, I don't know when he woke up, and stopped pretending to be sleep, but I knew that he was awake now. Clearly. We broke apart and I looked into his eyes. I felt it...he was going to say it again.

"You know I love you right?" He asked right on cue. It wasn't really a question, more of a statement.

I smiled. "Of course."

I knew he wanted me to say it, but I just couldn't bring myself to say it. The most I could give him was a strong liking. Maybe in time...who knows.

"I have to get ready for school." I said regrettably. I honestly didn't want to go. I wanted to stay in bed with Trey all day and just feel his body next to mine, but I had to go. We both knew that.

He looked down, as if pouting. I smiled...this was definitely a Trey I could get used to. "Do you have to go?" He asked softly.

I nodded my head `yes'. He gave me another sad look and for a moment I was tempted to just say fuck school, but work before pleasure as they say. No matter how much I despised it; school came first and I had to...no I wanted to complete it.

"I understand," he said after a while, "Go ahead...make daddy proud." Thing is he was dead serious. I guess that what made it funny because I couldn't stop laughing. He soon joined in, knowing that I wasn't making fun of him. Our laughter soon ended and silence followed. I was debating on whether or not to get up now. I sat up in the bed so that I was sitting on the edge. After a few more minutes he spoke again. "But forreal baby, go ahead I'll be fine."

I looked back at him and nodded. I got up and proceeded to get ready for hell...I mean school.

When I came back to the room, Trey was up and fully dressed and talking on his cell phone to someone. From the look of his body language the conversation wasn't going the way he wanted it to. He slammed the phone shut abruptly, most likely hanging up on the person he was talking to. I grabbed his hand in mine and he looked down at me, all traces of his previous anger gone.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

He smiled for a second before answering, "Yeah of course everything is coo."

Something told everything wasn't as `coo' as he made it seem. "Are you sure?"

He smiled more and reached out with his other hand to gently stroke my face. "Yes baby I'm sure. Don't worry so much okay. I'll be fine."

I was still unsure, but I decided to let it go. He would talk to me when he wanted to. I couldn't force him. "Okay baby, just be safe okay?" I leaned forward to kiss him quickly on the lips. I turned to walk away but he grabbed me and turned me back around. He was smiling.

"Now what kind of kiss was that?" He asked making a funny face. We both laughed. He pulled me close to him and we kissed again. "Now that's a kiss." He said letting me go.

"See you later?" I asked.

"You know it. Love you." He replied.

I walked out the door feeling that everything was going to be okay now.


I stood in the hallway with my arms folded across my chest. God how I really didn't want to be here. I would rather be back home with Trey. I sighed speak of the devil and he shall reveal himself...or in this case herself. Shawnice was strutting down the hallway like she owned it along with her group of hoes, I mean sluts, oh oh my bad bitches...yeah that fits.

"Oh look who it is, Noah!" One of the nameless bitches said in a `since we don't have any self esteem so to speak of, lets try and make ourselves feel better by talking about other people' tone.

Bitches. I really do hate them. "Do I know you? Oh wait let me answer that no, but I'm pretty sure the football team would remember you on your knees with your mouth wide open...am I about right?"

The stupid bitch was actually speechless, and to say she was pissed was an understatement. Serves her right, she should know her place. I just rolled my eyes and tried to walk past them but the same bitch blocked my way. I tired to go around her but she stepped in my way again blocking me.

I sighed and crossed my arms. I was not amused. "Okay I'm sensing that there's something you want to say so spit it out. I don't have time to deal with sluts this early in the morning, besides I don't wanna ruin my reputation by hanging around yall too long."

Her face wrinkled up in anger and she did that grinding thing with her teeth. She even had the nerve to put her finger in my face. My face!! "Look here nigga I don't kno who you think you is but I ain't bout to let you sit up here and talk to me like that. Do you know who I am?"

I was hoping that was a rhetorical question but when she actually paused, as if waiting for me to answer, I realized that she was being dead serious. Okay I'll play along. I was going to let it go but this bitch was asking for it.

I slapped her finger away from my face. "Listen here...I could give two fucks about who you are because as far as I'm concerned your just another bitch in this school who thinks just because she has `connections' and fucks everybody in sight, that you run this school. Look around, nobody cares about you. You fuck anybody with legs and then you walk around here wondering why no one respects you...if you ask me you're a pathetic worn out piece of scum that's not even worthy of being on the bottom of my shoe." Now if it were anybody else I would have wondered if I had gone to far, but the bitch was asking for it. I just gave it to her. She looked defeated, like she wanted to break down in tears but was holding it together for appearance sake. If she had cried...so what. She started it. I just finished it. I smirked, satisfied, and walked around her and away from them. No comeback...didn't think so.

"Noah!" Shawnice yelled from behind me.

I turned around and sighed. What now? After that display did she really want to bother me now?! "What?!"

She looked at me unaffected. "You know you wrong for that?"

I was quickly getting annoyed. Seriously why do people insist on pissing me off this early in the morning? "Really? Because I suggest you talk to your friend seeing as she was the one who started it." I said dryly before turning around.

"Well maybe if you didn't have that stick up yo ass then people would talk to you." She yelled in the hallway.

I couldn't just let that go...she basically called me out in front of everyone. I turned around so fast, you could have sworn I was walking on air. I walked up to her and stood in her face. "Excuse me?!" I shouted, "What did you say?"

She looked like she didn't want to repeat what she said. If she was smart, which I highly doubted, then she would keep her mouth shut.

"I said you need to take that stick out yo ass." She repeated. See...not smart at all.

I was silent for a minute. To be honest I was a little shocked that she would repeat herself. Some nigga must have installed some newfound confidence in her. Well allow me to break it again. "Okay Shawnice incase you didn't comprehend from your side hoe's earlier embarrassment at the hands of...me...I'm not in the mood to be fucked with...that is unless your bother is doing the fucking then I'm all for it," Everyone who had crowed around us began to whisper around us. It wasn't a secret that I was sleeping with Trey, but then again its not everyday that people hear about it either. I didn't care. Ain't no shame in my game. Shawince of course looked pissed, as she always did when I mentioned Trey. "So do me a favor and leave me the hell alone, or everyone will know just how big of a nasty hoe you really are." Yeah I had a secret on her. Trey told me it a while back. Its mainly why he stopped claiming her all together. I smirked. I dared her to try me. I wanted her to.

She seemed smarted then I gave her credit because she just gave me a dirty look before saying something about me not being worth her time and walking away with her army of hoes following closely behind her. I smirked...she should've known better. They never learn. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around slowly. Honestly what part of not wanting to be bothered didn't they understand? I was about to yell at the poor soul who dared to bother me after that public display, but stopped when I saw who it was.


"That my name." Was his smartass reply. I was happy to see him so happy that I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. I missed him, especially after everything that has happened. "Whoa take it easy there I do still have a broken hand here. I missed you too though." He replied wrapping his free arm around my waist. I let him go quickly I forgot his hand was broken. I looked down at the ground. I think I was blushing...damn it I'm sure I was blushing!


"Its okay I didn't mind the hug. It lets me know I'm still on your mind..." He stopped long enough to lean in to whisper the rest in my ear, "Like your still on mine." I would be lying if I said he voice didn't give me chills. I was weak for him, especially considering how our last encounter left us, but for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about Trey and all the things he said about dropping everything and everyone just to be with me, and only me.

"Yeah." I said nervously followed by and awkward laugh. I could be such a dork sometimes. It amazed even me.

His hand reached out to touch my forehead. "Are you okay...your acting a little weird, even for you." His hand continued to caress my skin and I didn't realize I was leaning into his touch. I quickly jumped back from his hand.

"Yeah...I'm like...fine."

"Are you sure...it just seems like you have a lot on your mind. I am a good listener you know." He smiled showing his perfectly white teeth. Damn it. Noah pull it together. It was a stupid kiss, your acting like...like...Shawnice. Okay that was enough to make me snap out of whatever it was I was in. He wasn't that far off. I did have a lot on my mind. I was debating on whether or not to tell him about the attack. I quickly decided against it though. He would just get pissed and start being all over protective and want to baby me 24/7. I didn't want that, besides who ever it was that attacked me caught me off guard and it won't happen again. And if I really needed him Trey was there.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Really Brandon I'm fine. Now would you stop worrying, you'll get wrinkles." I said touching his forehead. I laughed and he joined in too. I started to walk towards our first class leaving Brandon to follow or be left behind.

We made small talk all the way to class. He was catching me up on his life and I did the same while reminding myself to leave out the attack. I told him everything else, even the whole Trey situation. He didn't seem to buy Trey's change of heart but it really didn't matter considering he wasn't the one with Trey, I was.

"Hey do you remember...you know?" He asked me as we took our seats in the classroom. The teacher was running late as always.

Of course I knew what he was talking about but I wanted to string him along for a while. "What do you mean." I said trying my hardest to put on an innocent act. I guess it didn't work because he saw through it like I saw through his little attempt at being subtle.

He smiled again. "Okay I see you remember." He paused to lick his lips. Damn that was so sexy. He continued to talk but to be honest I wasn't even focusing on his words anymore, I was too busy looking at his lips. "So how about it?"

I shook my head and looked away from his lips. Damn it. I zoned out. "I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention. What?"

"See something you like?" He asked smugly.

I laughed. "Don't flatter yourself."

He rolled his eyes, "Oh I wouldn't dream of it."



"So what?"

"Do you want to do it again?" He asked all nonchalant like it was nothing. Hey I really enjoyed kissing you, by the way would you like to do it again sometime? Thankfully the teacher walked in the classroom and started class, saving me from answering his question but I knew Brandon and he wasn't going to just let it go.

Class was...boring. Since when has it not been? Brandon didn't let it go, in fact he even went as far as passing me a note. I opened the note again and looked at it. I couldn't help but smile at how lame it was.


Do you like me

Yes or No

Circle your answer

Brandon Scott (B.S)

I laughed so hard. BS Really? And the note itself was that of a fifth grade level. Surely he didn't expect an answer from that.

After class was over I quickly rushed out of the room to avoid Brandon and to my next class. I did this all day. Looking over my shoulder and talking the long way to my classes so that I could avoid him. I had to admit that it was kind of fun. But it all the fun was going to end because lunch was the one place that I couldn't avoid him. I could skip lunch, but my stomach grumbled in protest. I sighed and lowered my head. Better get this over with. I walked to the lunch room with my head down unaware of the students whispering around me.

As soon as I entered the cafeteria I half expected Brandon to run and tackle me to the floor and demand an answer, but I was surprised when one of the twins, my guess Jaden, came running up to me.

"Noah! God I've been looking for you!! Have you heard the news?" Jaden shouted at me.

"Wha-What are you talking about?" I asked his panic and this `news' he spoke of had me a little scared.

He looked shocked at first but quickly recovered. "Noah...you...there..."

Just as he was about to tell me his twin came running up beside him. "Jaden what are you...oh you found him! Have you--"

"No.." Jaden responded. That twin thing was creepy, now more then ever considering the situation.

I was getting pissed. What the hell was going on?! I looked around to see everyone in the cafeteria with their eyes on me or whispering amongst themselves. Whatever they were talking about, they seemed to not want me to know. "Okay I've had enough...just what the hell is going on here?!" I yelled.

No one answered and the twins looked between each other as if deciding who was going to tell me. I rolled my eyes and walked through them, pushing them out of my way. As I walked through the cafeteria the other students moved out of my way making a path for me to follow. This was definitely weird. I was starting to feel like a script out of an old Twilight Zone scene. As I reached the back of the cafeteria I saw Brandon, but he wasn't alone. In his arms was Shawnice and she was...crying...sobbing like she lost her best friend. But that can't be...who was her friend? Ha that was funny. Brandon looked up and his eyes met with mine. He looked stressed and worn out.

"Just what the hell is going on?" I yelled, "Why is everyone acting so weird?"

Shawnice stopped crying long enough to look at me. I wish she hadn't. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying so much. She had a look of regret, sorrow, and agony all rolled into one. For the first time I genuinely felt sorry for her. Regardless of how I feel about her, nobody should feel like that. Ever.

"Noah..." Shawnice spoke softly. "He's...dead..."

Who's dead? What is she talking about?

I think I knew all along.

"What are you talking about?! Who's dead?"

I just didn't want to accept it.

The café grew silent and all I could hear was the wind blowing wildly outside and the faint sound of thunder in the distance.

"Trey..." His name rolled so easily off her tongue. Softly.

It had to be a joke. She was lying.

One look at her face and I knew she was telling the truth.

I just didn't want to accept it.

So I ran. Ignored Brandon and the twins shouts. I just ran. As fast as I could.

I had to see for myself.

Thunder sounded from above and almost instantly afterwards rain began to pour from the sky. I ran faster.

He couldn't be...I wouldn't accept it.

My body felt like it wanted to give out on me, but I wasn't going to go down that easily. I pushed myself to the limit, pushing my body to run faster, harder, longer.

Just Yesterday...

I tripped..

He made so many promises...

I slammed my hands down on the ground. Damn it. Get up! Slowly I pushed myself up to my feet and took off again.

It was going to be just us...

I rounded the corner to our apartment complex and saw police cars...my heart sunk.

You promised me yesterday...

I tried to run past the yellow tape but the officer stopped me.

"You can't cross." He said in a stern commanding voice.

"I live here!!" I practically shouted at him.

"Be that as it may, I cannot let you cross there has been a murder and we can't allow anyone to contaminate the crime scene..." I'm sure the officer had said more but I wasn't listening anymore. A couple of paramedics came out of the building with someone on a stretcher and a sheet over their face.

I had to see for myself...

I ran past the officer who was still talking to me and headed straight for the paramedics. I heard the officer yell for me to stop, but I couldn't, I was to far gone. I reached the paramedics but hesitated.

I couldn't do it...I couldn't face the reality.

The cop caught up to me and grabbed me pulling me away from the paramedics.

"STOP!!" I yelled so loud that I could have sworn I heard an echo. The cop halted in his steps as did everyone else. Everything stood still.


I tried to speak but my throat felt like it had swollen shut. I reached my hand out to the body on the stretcher. My hand was shaking and I couldn't control it. I grasped the sheet with my hand...I wasn't prepared for the reality. Slowly and in a trance like state I removed the sheet.

It was him...

I was staring at his face...it was almost unrecognizable...it was bruised and swollen. I reached out to touch his face but flinched when I heard thunder sounding in the sky. I quickly retracted my hand like I had been burn and held it to my chest.


"Trey..." I whispered. "Why..." The officer and paramedics snapped out of their daze and quickly covered his body and rushed me away. It was okay now...I've seen all I needed to see. The officer sat me down on a nearby bench and offered me an umbrella and wrapped a blanket around me. I tossed the umbrella aside and wrapped myself in the blanket that was quickly becoming soaked too. My head was in my lap as the rain continued to fall around me. The rain ran down my face...or maybe it was tears now. I couldn't tell the difference anymore.

Was yesterday a dream? You told me you loved me and now...your...



I've seen people die before, living in the neighborhood I lived in you just kind of got used to it. But in the seventeen years that I have been alive I've never lost anyone close to me due to some kind of violence. Everyone just seemed to leave me, no one ever died. So I got used to them leaving. It was easier to accept the fact that they left and may have died later on, then to have them die when they are still a part of my life. Maybe that's a selfish way of looking at it but I don't care. I was one of those people who couldn't handle the death of people close to them. It would no doubt drive me insane. And if I felt it was my fault...well lets just say that I might not ever recover. Hopefully nothing like that happens...but that's just wishful thinking.

~Noah 10.16.07 12:02pm