It's funny how just when I had thought life was getting good, the Big Man upstairs just whimsically decided to throw me a curve ball. My name is Jacob. I am 16, in real life and in this story. I live in New Hampshire, but for the sake of anonymity that is as much of this story that uses factual names and places. Sitting here in the grass outside my high school, munching on a bland-tasting Red Delicious apple, I thought back to a time two years ago when I had begun to think life was great.
I was 14 at the time. Puberty had finally decided to start kicking in, and my body was growing and developing in leaps and bounds. My little penis, which I had started to believe was going to stay 4 inches erect for the rest of my life, finally decided to expand itself. My short, slightly chubby little body lengthened, and I slimmed out. I had always been a competitive swimmer, since the time I was 5. Well, right around this time I began to lift weights, and I switched swim clubs to a new team that was more competitive and trained harder. With my newly developing muscles and added height I was becoming one of the fastest swimmers in the 13-14 age group in all of New England. And finally, I was being given some attention by the girls. That's where the problems started.
My whole life I have had brilliant light-blond hair, the only trait neither of my parents have. My rents are both fairly attractive people, and the combination of their genes gave me the best of both their features. I have my mom's beautiful, piercing green eyes; my dad's broad shoulders and narrow waist; my mother's small, delicate nose and high cheekbones; my dad's strong, not angular but almost aquiline, jawline and full lips; and a heart-shaped face that was a combination from them both.
So, as you may be starting to imagine, when I lost my baby fat and started getting serious with my training for swimming, I began to attract a LOT of looks from the girls my age. At first, I was very flattered, and to me, at that age, being flattered meant I was attracted to them. It seemed I had my pick of the litter, so over the next year I would go out with the prettiest of the girls who threw themselves at me. They were all brainless and shallow, but I guess I was too.
We kissed, we cuddled, one of them even gave me a blowjob (which felt fantastic, even though I discovered later that she was very unskilled), but none of it was satisfying for me. I was never fulfilled, and I never felt myself having any strong feelings towards the girls I dated. One day, I was home alone and as I often did I was cruising the net for free porn, when I was sent to a gay page by mistake. I still remember the name of it.... "Barely Legal Boys."
I totally freaked for some reason. I shut down the computer as fast as possible, and I sat there with my hand on my rapidly softening dick which I had been stroking only moments earlier. I realized I was breathing heavily, as if I'd run a long way. Remember, I was only almost 15, and I lived in a small, sheltered New Hampshire town for crying out loud. The only experience I had had with anything having to do with homosexuals was a lesbian couple who my parents were friends with. I had never seen a male in my life who I had any knowledge whatsoever was gay, I'd never seen a gay male couple, and I certainly wasn't prepared to see one boy who looked scarcely older than me fucking another boy up the ass on my computer screen.
I discontinued my wanking session for the day, but I couldn't get those images out of my mind. Over the next few days, whenever my brain wasn't occupied, I would go back to seeing those pictures. The opportunity came in a few more days, when I was home alone again after both my parents had gone out, and I went back online. Having remembered the name, it was easy to get back to the site I had seen before. This time I was prepared, and I just HAD to sate my curiosity.
I was fully dressed as the first image came up on screen. Looking back, I remember that it wasn't long before I was naked and nursing the strongest erection I'd ever had in my entire life. Just looking at the preview pictures, of those boys licking and sucking and fucking, was enough to bring me an incredibly powerful orgasm in a matter of minutes.
That was the beginning, the starting point of the realization that I was, indeed, gay. It took me a while, even after I realized it, to accept myself and tell my parents. I had always been raised to tolerate gay people (remember I said my parents were friends with a lesbian couple?) and actually my mother had told me a number of times when I was little that it would never matter to her if I was gay or straight, she and my dad would love me always.
Still, it was a hard thing to do, perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder even than the 200 meter butterfly, which was damn hard let me tell you. Now, a year later, I am 16. My parents and relatives accept me for who I am. Girls are still all over me, but I manage to stave them off, telling them I have to focus on my swimming and my studies. I tell my friends that I'll have time for girls after I get myself a scholarship to college. Which was quite believable, because my family is not well-off, so to speak.
So here I am two years later. I used to think life was great. Now, I'm not so sure. My swimming is going very well. I am close to getting 4 different national cut times in the Individual Medleys and distance freestyle events. My grades are top-notch (brains! another thing I thank my parents for giving me) and I am on my way to being valedictorian. Probably everyone reading this is thinking "He's gorgeous, he's a very talented swimmer, number one in his high school class, why wouldn't he be happy?"
Well I am happy. Actually, it would be better to say I am happy
with my accomplishments, and proud. But not happy, as in feeling
joyous and fulfilled and at peace with the world. I was anything but
happy. And that brings us to the important part of the story.
"Jacob.... Earth to Jacob....." said my best friend Gabriel. He was waving his hand in front of my face.
I came back to reality and smiled a bit as I swatted his hand away. "Sorry man, I guess I zoned out again. What were you saying?"
"Oh, only that a spider just crawled up inside the leg of your shorts."
"Ahhhhh!!! I hate spiders!!" I shrieked, jumping up and frantically clawing at the legs of my shorts. I was dancing all around on my toes, pulling up the khaki fabric and desperately brushing underneath..... when I suddenly noticed that the four friends I was eating lunch with were all laughing hysterically. Gabriel was on the ground, clutching his sides he was laughing so hard, and all the other students eating their lunches on the lawn were looking over at me, curiosity in their eyes and amused smiles on their lips.
I blushed furiously, and sat back down. I was very chagrined, but I just had to laugh....
"Oh my God you should have seen your face!" laughed Lauren, trying to stifle her giggles so she wouldn't spit out the bite of sandwich she had in her mouth. James and Katelyn just couldn't stop laughing.
"I'm gonna get you for that one, bucko, when you least expect it," I said with humorous menace to the still-laughing Gabriel. I chuckled again. It was pretty funny how I freaked out so badly about spiders. They're my one fear, and Gabriel knows it.
Gabriel and I have been best friends forever. Or since we were five and first started swimming together. He switched teams with me when we were both fourteen, and last year as freshman we had both joined the high school swim team. Of course, we only practiced with them the mandatory number of days a month (just a side note: there is NO high school swimming program that can do shit for you if you want to actually get good at the sport), and went to the meets. We had most of the same classes together in school, spent 3 hours a day with each other at practice after school, and basically lived with each other too. I mean, having been best friends for 11 years, and having parents who are best friends, we sleep over at each other's houses basically every night. It's strange, but I sleep better when we are together. On the rare occasions we sleep apart it's difficult to fall asleep.
We live 3 houses down the street from each other, and there is always a standing invitation to come over. We both like the arrangement, and both of us have an equal number of clothes at both houses. Actually, we basically don't separate our clothes but just share with each other. I am 5'11 and 165 pounds, and he's maybe 6' and 170. Our body types are so similar that we can trade everything. Our waists are even identical 29". If it wasn't for the fact that he has brown hair and brown eyes, we could be mistaken for brothers, or even twins. As it is, people have asked if we're related on more than one occasion.
"Oh boy that was a good one," Gabriel said, still grinning as he recovered from his laughing fit.
"Yeah, Ha Ha Ha," I said sarcastically, trying to keep a straight face but failing.
Oh, did I mention that we both have queen-sized beds with the express purpose being so that we could both sleep on the bed at night when we slept over with each other? And did I mention that Gabriel is hot as hell and has been the object of my desire for the last year?
"So, what were you actually asking me?" I queried, picking my half-eaten apple up off the grass. I made a little face and tossed it over into the trash can near us.
"Ummmm hold on, I forgot." He scrunched up his face in thought. God he looked so adorable.
"You were asking him if he was going to the semi-formal, and with who," supplied James.
"Oh yeah! So, do you have a date or what? Or are you gonna skip out on this one like you skipped out on last year's?"
I didn't answer for a second, but in my head I heaved a loud sigh. "Ummm, Nahh, I don't think I'm gonna go guys. It's a Friday night. We have practice until 7 that night, and then our first practice on Saturday starts at 6AM."
They all groaned. Gabe said, "It's one night! We'll only miss the last hour of practice on Friday, and the dance only goes until 12 so we can still get 4 hours of sleep! This is once a year man! And you haven't missed an hour of practice in, like, 2 years!"
"I know I know..." I muttered. "It's just..."
"I'm going!" Gabe interrupted me. "And I'm almost as dedicated to going to practice as you are! I mean, I'm only shooting for maybe one national cut by my senior year, while you could get 4 of `em any day now, but STILL I really think you need to get out and have some fun! If you're worried about not being able to get a date you shouldn't be, because you could have your pick of any girl in school, practically...."
His wheedling tone, coupled with his big brown eyes and sexy pleading look on his face made me want to do anything that he asked. I dropped my eyes and stared at the grass.
"C'mon Jake you know he's right," put in Katelyn. The others quickly voiced their agreement.
How was I to tell them that I would love to go, that I would love to have a date, but with Gabriel? I couldn't. I wasn't ready. My heart clenched with fear at the very thought of Gabriel finding out I was in love with him.
"It's just...." I started. "I... need to think about it. See you guys in class." I jumped up before anyone could say anything else and hurried away into the school, tossing the rest of my brown bag lunch in the trash as I passed it by. Lunch was near to over, so I decided to just head down to my locker until the bell rang. I had to get away. A million emotions swirled through my heart and up into my head as I walked quickly down the stairs. The hall where my locker was located was deserted. My head was filled to bursting with running thoughts, and my heart overloaded with fear. Fear and anger.
Sometimes I was so angry at the world I thought I could scream. If only there was more tolerance, less hate, maybe then I could come out without the fear of being scorned and rejected. If only. As it was, even thinking about coming out brought me so much pain and doubt. I wasn't ready to face the world yet, because I couldn't believe that the world was ready to accept me as I am. I leaned my forehead against the cool metal of my locker, biting my lower lip and fighting back the tears that had come so often of late.
"Jake?" came a soft voice, a voice I knew too well. My eyes darted up and to my right, where HE stood just at the end of the hallway, then back down quickly as I tried to hide my watering eyes from him. I don't know if it did any good... he could always tell what I was feeling far too easily. I pretended to busy myself with the locker combination as I heard his footsteps approach.
I can't let him see me crying, I thought to myself. "H-Hey," I managed, trying to keep my voice steady. I still hadn't looked up, when I felt his hand on my shoulder. Then I had to look up.
His eyes held all the warmth and kindness of the world in them, and as my green eyes locked onto those beautiful brown ones I knew I would love this boy forever, even if he could never return my love.
There were no secrets between us. Ever. Except one. He knew there was something I wasn't telling him.
He put his other hand on my other shoulder in a totally familiar way. "There's something you're not telling me Jake. I've felt it for a while now. You're keeping something from me. And the only reason you would do that would be if it concerns me. Come on, if you tell me about it you know it will make you feel better."
I DID want to tell him. With all my heart I wanted to scream "I LOVE YOU, GABRIEL MARC!" But my head rebelled. Fear fought the urgings of my heart and won by a landslide. I felt the tears coming again, and I dropped my head to stare somewhere around his chest area.
"I... I can't," I almost sobbed. His strong, delicate fingers found my chin, lifting it so I was again staring him in the eyes. I could feel my tears carving pathways down my cheeks. The skin-on-skin contact with the boy of my dreams was only adding new height to my emotion. Now, when I looked into his eyes, it was worry I saw, and maybe a little fear. I mean, what would make Jacob Lessing, who has everything a boy could ask for, break down and cry like a girl?
"Jake..." he started, but I was gone. I brushed his comforting hands away and fast-walked down the hall away from him, ignoring his calls. I had to get away.
My feet blindly carried me to English class as the tears coursed down my cheeks. The bell rang just as I got to the classroom door, so I hurried in before any of the students who would be coming from lunch could see me. The teacher glanced up from her desk, noticed my tears, and I think realized that I just needed to be left alone. I sat down at a desk in the back, put my head down on my arms, and dreaded the time, two hours from now, that I would have to face my dream boy again at swim practice.
That was it for chapters 1 & 2. In chapter 3 (that is if you folks liked this chapter) we get to see both Gabriel and Jacob in their speedos (YES!), and Jacob will finally be forced to confront Gabriel. How will it turn out???? Ooooh I love the suspense!! Haha... this is my first story on Nifty, so I definitely NEED INPUT! My email address is email@example.com....... PLEASE tell me what you think!!!
Oh, by the way, YES my name is really Jacob. YES I really do live in New Hampshire. YES the other characters in my story are based upon real people. YES I am really 16. Want to know more? Just ask me =D
Oh yes, and I retain all rights to this story, as it is MY story. Copyright © 2002.