Thanks for all the feedback guys, you don't know how much I appreciate it. I've replied to about half of you, and to the other half... I will try! Give me time! Hehe, and if I don't, it doesn't mean I appreciated your email any less, just that I have a tight schedule and I'm spending more of my free time writing the story than emails.
Special Thanks to Jaime, you're awesome! And to Nik, because you're a wonderful guy and I love ya to death.
I got a few complaints about the black on dark green color scheme... hopefully this black on light purplish-blue works well for everyone.
Okay, so I've now noticed I've been kind of haphazard in the way I've been writing the story... like with little inconsistencies here and there, some unrealistic moments, and in that last chapter I practically sounded like an entirely different writer... so let's get a few things straight.
The mood in the car on the ride to practice was light, though hardly a word was spoken. Gabe and I sat in the back seat, gazing out of our respective windows, once in a while glancing over at each other, wearing small smiles on our faces. I don't know about him, but it felt like a giant weight had been lifted from my chest. The immense burden of the secret I had carried for so long was nearly gone. I hadn't yet told him my feelings for him, but I still felt light as a feather.
The quiet ride to the pool gave me some thinking time, and I reflected on our little dramatic moment there in front of Gabe's house. I hadn't expected it to happen that way at all, but once I had started apologizing for my behavior, the words that had been so hard to say just slipped out along with the rest. And it had turned out quite well, I thought.
I smiled again to myself. The joking banter we exchanged on the front walk was so much more the norm for us than yesterday's gravity. Maybe that's why the words had come so painlessly this morning, because I didn't let myself think about saying them and work myself all up into a sweat about it. I good-naturedly cursed myself for being a fool about this whole thing.
But Gabe's own admission was very startling to me. I mean, I suppose I had some inkling, what with him never having a date, and this being junior year already, and the fact that he's so damn gorgeous.... I looked over at him again, at his perfect lightly tanned skin that looked so smooth and soft, at the clean line of his jaw as the morning light shadowed the side of his neck. I admired the veins and the small, nearly invisible hairs on his forearms, and the long, sexy fingers splayed across his thigh. The morning light shined across his mussed up brown hair, turning it to a glossy blonde almost like my own flaxen strands. I tore myself away finally from his supermodel profile and went back to staring out my own window.
I took slow breaths, but my heart was racing. It was amazing how just looking at him, fully clothed, could get me all horned up like that. It was then that I realized that the not-so-little organ in my sweats was making quite the bulge. I quickly crossed my forearm across my crotch to squash it down as best I could, trying to think of more serious, un-horny thoughts.
This happened all too frequently for me. The sexual prime of adolescence left me thinking not of girls every 5 seconds, but of Gabriel. I mean seriously, what's a gay boy to think about all the time but the hottest guy he knows? I still attempted to admonish myself for it, but it happened all too often. I remember one time during english, when I was staring across the room at the back of Gabe's head, imagining what I'd like to do with him (which you can probably guess, hehe) when I - you guessed it - realized I had a raging hardon in my all-too-tight jeans. I looked to my right (I was sitting at the far back left hand corner of the room) to see if Liz had noticed my predicament, praying she was oblivious. It was at that exact moment that she turned her head towards me. She glanced at my helpless expression, and then down below my desk where I was once again trying to squash and hide my erection. Her eyes went kinda wide, then she looked back up at my face and gave me a coy smile and a wink.
I smiled ruefully remembering how I had blushed furiously and tried very hard not to look at her for the rest of class. I'm sure she told all her good gal friends about how Jacob Lessing got all stiff-dicked while `staring' at her, since that's what I appeared to be doing. I had told Gabe all about it later that day, except for the part about how I actually got the boner of course. We've laughed about that one a few times since, and I have to admit it IS pretty damn funny.
Life was more complicated now, what with us just coming out to each other, but I thought (or hoped, actually) that it would get more complicated for the better.
"Bye Mum!" I said as the car pulled to a stop and we hopped out. "Mrs. Marc is picking us up, right?"
"Yes she is. You boys have a good practice. Work hard!" she said, smiling as she backed the car up.
I rolled my eyes at Gabe, with the implied "Like we won't work hard unless she tells us to, geez..." and he grinned. We walked side by side through the entranceway and into the locker room.
"Hey Jake, I think we should talk some more after practice. That was kinda quick out there on the lawn, and I don't know about you but there are more things I wanna talk about." He was being serious again.
I looked him straight in the eyes as I plunked my stuff down on a bench. "Yeah definitely," I agreed, "we should talk some more. But, you know, I think it's gonna be a lot easier now." We shared another private smile as the other guys from the men's team started to arrive. Whaddaya know, we were late and yet still the first arrivals.
I won't bore anyone with the details of me stealing glances at Gabe's naked body and the way his hot ass and package looked in his little red speedo before it was covered with the drag suit. I thought he might have been glancing at me now and again too, but that's probably just wishful thinking.
We walked out on deck together and glanced over the practice sheet. It looked like it would be another one of my favorites: distance free and a healthy IM and stroke set, with some sprinting at the end. I wasn't much of a sprinter, but I loved doing it. Sometimes I thought sprinters had it so easy, and really they did. Lots of rest with not a lot of swimming, that's my kind of workout.
I always love that first dive into the pool for warmup. The feel of the water rushing smooth along your body as you glide in... the water muffling sounds so all you hear is the churning of arms and legs... and the good feelings of practically every muscle in your body working in tandem to make yourself a fluid machine as you swim. Can you tell I love this sport?
Now I'd like to take this opportunity to explain some things about my relationship with Gabe, and to think a bit more. I know, I know, there's not enough action, you want sex... that comes later. First I need to clarify a few things. Gabe and I have shared beds for years, and I know that's a bit weird sounding to some people. But it's entirely true. There is an incredibly strong bond between us that was forged the first day we met. If ever there were two best friends who were soulmates, it would be us.
I think our parents recognized this in us at a young age. We were inseparable from the start, and the sleepovers became so constant that our parents decided we could share queen-sized beds as we grew bigger. Before we had just slept on the floor a lot, and on occasion we could be found sleeping together in a twin, but that got kinda tight, and rolling off onto the floor at night was a frequent and unpleasant occurrence.
So the rents, being the cool and understanding parents that they were, sprung for the larger beds and made our young lives happier. Both sets of parents doted on us constantly. I think they all secretly loved having two `sons' instead of a single child. And if not for the work ethic and commitment that swimming had instilled in us over the years, we'd probably both be spoiled rotten.
Boy can I ramble or what? Where was I?.... Oh, right, sleeping together. Well, as we got older and our bodies started to change, we both became curious. Up until the time we were about 13, we would compare our little dicks all the time, compare our erections, and even `fool around.' We actually did this quite a bit, until we learned what being gay was, and how undesirable it was to be that way. So we stopped playing around and stayed in our underwear. I missed the fun, but we didn't want to be thought of as "fags" now did we?
So anyway, later on we had a talk about sleeping in the same beds. That was when we were about 14. We both decided it wasn't really a gay thing to do, but that nevertheless we wouldn't tell anyone about it. Over the next couple years our cocks became more insistent at times and we both would jerk off in the bathroom quietly at times. We both knew what the other was doing, but we both understood and pretended we knew nothing of it. Tented boxers were also a common occurrence, and though as I figured out my sexuality I would be tempted to stare at Gabe in this state, we both were fairly nonchalant about it, friendly gay jokes notwithstanding.
Looking back, I really was blind not to see that he was gay just like myself. I mean, from about age 14 we had never once talked about chicks except in a half-hearted and uncomfortable manner. Mostly we just avoided the subject altogether. Come to think of it, our parents basically avoided mentioning girls too. I almost choked on a mouthful of pool water as I considered the implications of that thought. Maybe they suspected... hell, our mothers knew us better than we did ourselves, they've probably known for a while. Geez, this was a lot to think about. Gabe and I definitely needed to talk.
And if our mothers knew, how many other people could tell? I didn't think I acted flaming or anything, and I know for a fact Gabe doesn't, but still... I am kind of feminine in appearance. If I had long hair I could be mistaken for a girl, which is why I kept it really short. Gabriel had a thicker head of hair, but it definitely worked for him. He didn't have the girlish delicacy in his features that I did. Still, though, I ended up getting bunches of anonymous love letters and girls definitely weren't shying away from me, so it couldn't be THAT obvious. I wore clothes that were kinda gay, I suppose, since I liked stuff that was kind of fitted and clingy, and I wore those snug, hip-hugging jeans that are pre-faded, and I didn't shy from the tight tees. I just liked how I looked in those clothes, though, it wasn't me trying to be at the height of fashion or anything.
Then I wondered if any, or how many, of our close friends knew. And then another thought hit me: if they knew, did they think we were together? We had been called fags at the mall before, when we went shopping together, but it was always by those thuggish, boorish types that aren't worth listening to. Well, if they did think we were together, then I guess there was nothing we could do about it. Actually, come to think of it, I think the girls on my swim team think we're together. Not one of them that had been on the team for more than a week ever made a pass at either of us. I smiled to myself. Maybe totally coming out wouldn't be the shocker I imagined.
Practice that day went by quickly with those thoughts occupying my head. Sooner than I expected the sprint set was over and we were dragging ourselves from the pool, with the good weariness of a hard workout making our muscles protest quick movements.
"Nice practice guys," I said, including everyone in my statement. Echoes of my congratulations to our team for surviving another practice were repeated around the deck. "Hey Gabe, you have anything good to eat at your house?"
He laughed. "Why are you even asking? You've raided my fridge more times than I have! We'll find something decent."
"I volunteer you to make us pancakes!"
"You wish! Maybe my mom made us something anyway."
"Let's hope. I'm starved!"
"So what else is new? You eat enough yourself at one sitting to feed Ethiopia for a month!"
"Look who's talking! You beat me last month when we had our eating contest remember? How many sandwiches you finish off? Oh, that's right, thirteen!"
Gabe pretended he was highly offended by that. I nudged his sculpted abs. "Fatso!" I laughed.
"Look who's calling ME fat! What's this, huh?" he said, pinching the skin of my stomach.
"It's called SKIN," I said, my voice dripping condescension, and I gave him a playful swat upside the head for good measure. He just laughed and gave me a gentle shove in the shoulder. I noticed Chelsea smiling at the two of us as we picked up our equipment from the deck. You wouldn't think swimmers would need much outside of a speedo and goggles, but there's kick boards, pull buoys, fins, training snorkels, paddles, bands, and shoes (for drag).
I won't bore you with the details of our shower or changing in the locker room. No, the details of me staring at his perfect legs, the V shape and musculature of his chest and back, and the way his arm muscles bulged and rippled with every movement are a bore, so I will move onward. God, even his feet are sexy!
Mrs. Marc did indeed have breakfast waiting for us, and lo and behold it was a veritable mountain of pancakes! I gave her a big kiss and a hug in the way of thanks, and we dug in like we hadn't eaten for a week. After eating, we cleaned up and headed upstairs to Gabe's room; we both knew it was time to talk.
I sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed, facing the headboard, and Gabe sat opposite me. I occupied myself with smoothing tiny wrinkles from the bedspread, as I waited for him to say something first. We suffered through a few moments of silence before he got the message.
"So..." he started, "that was kinda sudden there this morning."
I looked up into his eyes and scanned around his face. He was so incredibly hott looking, even with his skin all dried out from three hours in chlorinated water. His face held a very grave expression, to tell me that it was time for a serious and adult conversation now, which I fully agreed with. "Yeah, I know. It just sorta came out when I was apologizing... I thought a lot about yesterday, and it made me realize that I didn't want to lose you as my best friend. You know, last night I was really afraid that was going to happen, and I decided that I would tell you... you know... that I was, well, gay."
He looked over to a corner of the room, then back into my eyes. "I thought a lot about everything, last night and also through practice this morning. You didn't have to tell me that, but I'm glad you did, because it made it so easy for me to tell you. Someone had to take the first step, and I am so glad you did. Although I really was ready to just let the whole thing drop. I didn't want to stop being best friends with you either."
"So, what now?" I asked. He just shrugged. "I mean, do we tell anyone? I was thinking a lot during practice too, and I bet our parents have already figured it out."
It didn't look like I'd surprised him by saying that. Hehe, best friends think alike. "Yeah, I think they might know. They don't ask about girls at all. If they do, though, do you think they think we're together?"
That was kind of new to me, and it must have showed on my face. I hadn't really thought about that possibility until now. "I don't know," I said, shaking my head slowly. "Do you think James or Katelyn or Lauren or people on the team have any idea? I actually think a lot of people think we might be together. When we were joking around after practice this morning I noticed Chels sorta smiling at us in this weird kind of way. Do you think it'd be safe to ask her?"
He scrunched up his face in that oh-so-cute way he has. "Yeah, probably she'd tell us the truth. Chels is like that. I dunno about the other three, though. Do you think we should come out? Our friends are pretty cool, I don't think it would be a problem." Still, he looked a little apprehensive.
"Eh, I dunno. Let's slow down a little bit, okay? I mean, we don't have to figure out EVERYTHING right now."
"Yeah, you're right. You know, I don't think I care a whole lot what other people think. The ones who really care about us won't care, and the others aren't worth it."
"I agree with that, but let's just take this one step at a time. Parents should probably come first."
He nodded. "Yeah, I think we should tell them together, too, like for moral support ya know?"
"Okay... do you wanna do this right away?" I asked, a little hesitation in my voice. Much as it helped to talk things out like this, I was finding it going pretty fast for my taste.
Gabe focused on picking a thread on the blanket under him, collecting his thoughts I presumed. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm kind of sick of hiding it. Now that I've told you, it's like I want to tell everyone. Well, not just go up and tell everyone, but just not be afraid about it anymore. And I've been keeping this a secret for a couple years now, I just want to let go, you know?"
In truth, I felt the same way he did about the whole thing. "I know. So, tonight is as good a night as any, right?"
"Yeah, it is. We'll tell my parents first?"
"Sure, then we'll go tell mine."
We lapsed into silence for a while, both of us lost with our own thought. I didn't know quite what to do with my hands, so I was idly toying with the bedspread. Gabriel was too. I wrestled with my thoughts, trying to decided if I should tell him about my feelings for him. Our whole conversation had been pretty neutral so far as our gay feelings went, based solely as it was on coming out and building our support group. I wondered again if he could be feeling the same way about me as I was about him. Maybe I could find out.
"So..." I began, drawing the word out. I smiled slyly at him. "You have your eye on any guy in particular?"
He blushed. "Wouldn't you just love to know!"
This was fun. All that time wasted not prying into each other's love lives, and we could've been talking about boys all along. "Yeah, I would! Is it a swimmer? A guy from school? Or is it someone I don't even know? Maybe a celebrity crush?"
He considered for a minute. "Well Jacob, if you must know, I think Louie Anderson's pretty damn sexy."
I almost died laughing. Gabe was struggling not to smile; he knew it was a good joke. "Yeah!" I said in between laughs, "the whole bald, fat, gap-toothed look is hot!"
He started chuckling too, and it took a bit before we returned to being serious. "No, really," I said, "I wanna know. If you tell me I'll tell you." I crossed my fingers, hoping he would say what I hoped he would say...
He paused. "Okay. Just, whoever I say, promise not to freak or anything? Please?"
"Dude don't worry, I won't freak. Swear to God."
He looked me straight in the eye. My heart started to race again. Please please please please please please please say me............... I held my breath.
I let my breath out, and I didn't even laugh. "Dude, I thought we were being serious. Umm, and aren't you supposed to be gay? Just tell me damnit!"
"Dude, your mom is totally hot. I can't help it if she attracts me." He was smiling and I was finding it hard to be mad at him for prolonging this.
I rolled my eyes and put on a disgusted look. "You're gross. Now tell me before I have to kick your ass."
"You couldn't kick my ass if you tried, blondie. But fine, I'll be serious." He paused again. "I'm still holding you to your promise of not freaking out, okay?"
"Okay okay, just get on with it."
I again waited with bated breath. He looked down at the bedspread, then back up into my eyes. "You," he said softly.
My heart soared and my breath came out in a whoosh like someone had hit me in the gut. This perfect guy, who meant more to me than anyone in the world (except my parents, of course), was telling me he liked me! It was a dream come true! I allowed myself to float on cloud 9 for a bit, enjoying this moment.
"Dude, say something!" Gabe said, worry clearly showing in his eyes. I guess my moment of joy lasted a bit too long for him.
"That's... AWESOME!" I exclaimed. I'm sure my eyes were shining and I know I had a huge smile plastered to my face. "You have no idea how long I've had a crush on you!"
"Has it been about a year and a half?" he chuckled, clearly relieved and looking very pleased also.
"Damn we are waaay too much alike," I laughed. I shifted my position until I was sitting right up in front of him. I felt invigorated, bold and daring and I decided to take this farther. I took one of his hands in each of my own, reveling in that simple contact. "Well, if we're both gay, and we both like each other... what do you suggest?"
He actually seemed a little pensive, though he did smile at our clasped hands. "Well, I don't want to ruin our friendship by, you know, trying to be more. What we have is so great already... but I don't know if I could stand being around you like this without being able to hold you, and touch you..." he paused. "I want to try being boyfriends, too."
I didn't say a word. I just leaned forward, closed my eyes, and kissed him softly. My heart was filled with love, and hope, and a happiness I had not felt in a long, long time. As his soft, warm lips responded sweetly to mine, I couldn't help but think this was the beginning of something truly wonderful.
Aaaah finally I got soem time to write! That was fun, but unfortunately school starts again the day after tomorrow so I don't know when I'll have more time next... sorry to keep y'all waiting, but these two sure are gonna have some great sex later on. Isn't true love wonderful? Hehe
Send me all the criticism you want at email@example.com. Flames will be ignored. I did some editing on this one cuz I don't think the unedited last chapter worked out all that well. Thanks for reading!
FYI: YES my name is really Jacob. YES I really do live in New Hampshire. YES the other characters in my story are based upon real people. I just turned seventeen, so I am 16 no longer. Want to know more? Just ask me =D
Oh yes, and I retain all rights to this story, as it is MY story. Copyright © 2002-2003. HAPPY NEW YEAR!