Tales from another broken home.

Chapter 21: A Change of View: Jake

Authors Note: All chapters with "A Change of View:" involve the story being told from a third persons point of view but focusing on someone other then Riley in this case Jake. These chapters are used to tell the reader things that the character don't want to reveal to Riley and since everything is told through Riley the point of view needs to be changed to give you a little insight into the other characters world.
All comments to lovinthatsheckler@gmail.com I'm interested to hear your views on this type of chapter.

Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This road I've been given

I sit and talk to God.
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language,
I don’t understand.

I just want to feel real love fill the home that I live in.
Cuz I've got to much love flowing through my veins going to waste.

From "Feel" By Robbie Williams

Jake sat up in bed. It was another day and he knew what was coming. It was only 7am but his parents had left an hour previous for work having only arrived home after midnight the night before. Jake yawned and stretched his arms out preparing himself for what was to come.

He walked down to the kitchen and poured himself what was becoming his usual morning drink, a shot of tequila. As the alcohol took effect the sense of loneliness that haunted Jake subsided. He went into the bathroom and put fresh bandages on his tattoo and admired it in the mirror. He felt better about himself with every new piercing and this tattoo really gave him a sense of control over his own body. He hid behind his piercings masking the hurt and pain that came with his life.

Jake had problems and he knew they were taking over his life. He smoked weed and drank to forget about them for as long as possible. His parents had been absent from his life for sometime except for the habit his Father developed around Jake's 13th birthday. His Father up until that point had largely ignored Jake but after his 13th birthday his Father began to touch him. This developed into a habit and Jake was rewarded with toys and money if he was a good boy and let his Daddy do what he needed to do. Jake began to see sex as a currency. His mother knew what was going on but she ignored it hoping it would stop. She preferred to be blissfully ignorant then confront her husband and face the pain that it would bring.

Jake had turned to drugs to block this out and now he had a new reason Riley had rejected him. Jake didn't know how to deal with rejection and normally smoked his body into oblivion to block out the pain. The strange thing about Jake was that he wasn't gay nor was he straight or even bisexual. He was just looking for love. Love that he had never gotten as a child and that he desperately craved whether it came from a man a woman or a child.

Jake pulled on a jacket and took the bus back to his old neighbourhood. As the bus drove through his old haunts he remembered wild times with wild friends. He had been part of a gang of kids that sold drugs in all the local schools. He had done things he was ashamed of beaten kids up really badly, stolen from people, and worst of all created and supplied habits.

Jake made his way to Haviers and gave his usual knock. Jake had taken to offering Havier a different form of payment over the last few weeks. Jake had payed cash at first but when the majority of his gang were arrested and his parents moved his cash flow became a lot lower then usual. He had no cash but he still craved the piercings that he felt let him change his body to something he was in control of.

Jake walked with Hav into his back room and Hav dropped his pants.

"You know what to do Jakey." Hav laughed.

Jake felt weak and ashamed as he dropped to his knees and pleasured Hav. Every time he did this he promised himself it was the last but deep down he knew he wouldn't be satisfied till he had changed his entire body to something he could be in control of. Other people had taken his sense of control and his efforts to reclaim it were only messing him up more.

Havier groaned as Jake pleasured him and Jake pulled away as Hav shot his load. The thought of swallowing Hav's cum disgusted Jake.

"If it was Riley's I'd have no problem" he thought to himself.

Jake "payed" for his tattoo and even scored some blow for his troubles. He snorted a thin line off Hav's kitchen counter and left. He felt his body relax and he began to enjoy the short time he had free of the thoughts that haunted him everyday. Jake was always tired because he wouldn't allow himself to sleep for fear of the nightmares and flashbacks that haunted him. He would stay awake all night downing coffee in his room but eventually he had to give in to temptation and sleep only to see what he wanted to forget replayed in his mind.

After these nightmares Jake usually went to the bathroom for some self-modification with a razor blade. He had been cutting himself for quite a while he couldn't remember exactly when it started but it was shortly after his Dad began taking advantage of him. He loved the rush he got when he saw the blood flow a mixture of fear and euphoria that shook his decrepit little world.

Jake's high ended as the bus pulled up at his stop and he felt a wave of misery hit him. He ran home with tears forming in his eyes. As he came onto his street he hid behind a wall and watched Riley help his Mam bring groceries into the house. He thought that he loved Riley but in reality he loved no one he just loved the love they could provide him with. He waited until Riley closed his front door before heading for his own house.

When Jake got in he headed straight for his stash and took a hit of speed with a half bottle of vodka and knocked himself out. He awoke hours later in a pile of his own urine and vomit. This had become a regular thing for Jake. Whenever he couldn't face reality he went into self-destruct mode and got himself so wasted that he'd pass out and forget everything.

Jake spent the next while cleaning up. The last thing he needed was for his Dad to come home and see this. The last time Jake had made a mess like this he had forgotten to clean it up in his drunken stupor. When his Dad got home he dragged him from his bed and whipped him with his belt.

Jake's father was a driven career man who had gotten the wrong girl pregnant and ended up being stuck with her. He tolerated his wife because she could earn a good income, which helped him stay in the lifestyle he had worked to have. He couldn't even think about having sex with his wife and prostitutes disgusted him so his innocent son provided his sexual release. Jake's father always felt ashamed of what he was doing but he used work as a barrier for all his problems.

Jake was an unwanted child. Resented by his mother as she felt he was the reason she was stuck with this man in a loveless, sexless marriage. Resented by his Father because he hated the feeling of weakness he got whenever he used his son to relieve his sexual needs. Jake was unwanted, unloved, and through this had become a neurotic, psychological mess, who unsuccessfully relied on drugs and alcohol to balance out his life.