Tales from another broken home.

Chapter 40: Recording what's left.

I can't imagine all the people that you know.
And the places that you go when the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen.
But I'm slipping inbetween, You and your big dreams.
It's always you and my big dreams.
And you tell me that it's over.
I wake up lieing in a patch of four leaf clover.
And your restless and I'm naked.
You gotta get out you can't stand to see me shaking.
No. You let me go. I didn't think so.
And you don't wanna be here in the future.
So you say the presents just a pleasent,
interupption to the past.
And you don't wanna look much closer.
cuz your afraid to find out all the smoke,
you had sent into the sky by now has crashed.
And it did. Because of me.
And then you bring me home.
Afraid to find out that your alone no.
And I'm sleeping in your living room.
We don't have much room.
To live.

From "Konstantine." By Something Corporate.

The days since Aaron had told me how he truly felt me had come and passed at a rapid pace. I had been seeing both Ryan and Aaron. Aaron knew I was seeing Ryan but I kept Ryan in the dark about my relationship with Aaron. I was making out with Ryan most days after school and then with Aaron during band practice. I felt guilty about this but lust was a powerful addiction.

I was with Aaron most of the week preparing for the recording session. We had all the songs ready the lyrics had been written and rewritten. All of us were ready to record that weekend. We took Friday off school and loaded the van up and drove into the city. We unloaded our gear and meet with our producer Bill Armstrong. He had worked with a number of local bands and was well known in the local scene.

"Hey guys I'm Bill. We ready to go?"

The band all introduced themselves and we lugged our gear into the large studio. Bill helped us setup and I laid down the first guitar track with Jay Jay on bass. Later Adam laid a little solo over it and then Aaron added drums before I sang it with Adam. This took nearly two hours. We had planned to do ten songs but we now knew we'd be lucky to get eight done. I spent the evening working on track two while Aaron and Bill worked on drum sounds. Bill had let me and Adam loose on his guitar cabinet for the recording session. Adam was playing a vintage red strat and I had a Les Paul with a bigsby tremolo. We hooked these up to various amps to get the right sounds. We finished Friday with one track completed and the basic setup for five others decided. When I got home my Mam was waiting to talk to me.

"How did it go kiddo?"

"It was hard work."

"Well anything worthwhile is."

I wolfed down a lasagna and lots of apple pie afterwards. Ryan called over while I was in the shower and when I got out he was waiting for me.

"Riley we need to talk."

"Why whats wrong?"

"There's rumor's going around that you've been doing things with Aaron."

"What."

"Some kids saw you fooling around after a show."

"Oh."

"So it's true then?"

"Em.....I didn't mean it man. You know I love you."

"I can't do this Riley. Come talk to me when you've made your mind up who you want to be with. I'm not going to be a part of some threesome just so you can get laid when you want. I thought we had more then that. Make your choice and then we can talk."

Ryan walked out and we both had tears in our eyes. I lay on my bed crying I knew we were finished. He was the kinda guy who wouldn't get over that kind of thing. I knew I had to try and save what we had. It was special I loved him more then I'd ever loved anyone before. I didn't sleep well that night and I was even more exhausted when I arrived at the studio the following morning. I had made my mind up on the way to the studio. Me and Aaron were over. When I arrived I walked straight over to him.

"Hey Aaron we need to talk man."

"Oh ok cool."

Aaron followed me outside.

"We're through. I love Ryan and I can't do this to him anymore."

"What you mean is he caught you."

"He just forced me to realize how I felt about him."

The rest of the days recording was difficult. Aaron wasn't talking to me and the band seemed to be in chaos. After we laid down four tracks I walked out. Mike picked me up and I headed home. I rang Ryan on his cell but it was busy I left a message telling him how much I loved him and managed to break into tears midway through. I loved him I couldn't even bear to think of a life without him anymore. I went to bed without any dinner, I was too heartbroken to think about eating. I lay there for hours waiting for Ryan to call back. Around 3 a.m. I fell asleep and my heartbreak faded to the background for a few hours. When I woke up I checked the messages immediately but there was nothing there from Ryan.

I went back to the recording studio finished up my parts as quickly as I could then went over to Aaron.

"I'm done."

"Whatever man. We'll talk about it before the next show."

"No man I'm done with the band. We can't work together anymore."

"Aww Riley come on man don't quit. We can work this out. I need you here man."

"I can't guarantee I'd be able to control myself around you Aaron so were done."

I walked away from Aaron for what could have been the last time. I walked to a café and lit up. I smoked ten cigarettes in a few minutes and then downed lots of coffee. I was buzzed from the coffee but it didn't even take the edge off the pain I felt. I got a bus home and an hour later I was in my room rolling a joint. I smoked it and every problem seemed to fade away. I felt normal, in control for the first time in days. I smoked the joint and rolled another one and then another one before passing out on my bed.

When I woke up my Mam was sitting on the chair opposite my bed.

"Care to explain this?" My Mam shouted throwing half a joint at me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Your grounded for a month. No going out, no shows, no fun."

I couldn't deal with this right now so I just rolled over and went back to sleep. My Mam wasn't happy and stormed off. My life was spiraling out of control and I didn't know what to do. My dreams were all about Ryan but all of them ended with us beind separated. I cried in my sleep and shook in despair beneath my blankets.