Tales from another broken home.

Chapter 43: A Change of View: Ryan.

Is it dark yet outside?
I'm through hiding today.
Take from my rest your dirty waist.
Sleep with my curse and feel no shame.
No Shame.

Did I take you or not.
But you'll love me with time.
Take from my rest your dirty waist.
Sleep with my curse and feel no shame.
No Shame.

From "Shame" By Jimmy Eat World.

I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing. The colour screen on my cell was flashing. I opened the message.

"Riley waz seen makin out wit Aaron. He's a fag lol. Steve."

The words hit me like a brick. He was cheating on me. I knew it was coming I had my suspicions that he had done something with Jake but I wasn't sure. I felt tears slide down my face I loved him and he had betrayed me. I spent the next hour lying in my bed crying. I was too numb to be angry and too upset to even think about confronting him yet. I logged onto the internet to try and distract myself. I logged onto my favourite chatroom. I told the annonomous chatroom users my sad story and I got an instant message popup on my screen.

"GayGuidance22: You should check out the G.B.L.T group in San Diego they're meeting today.
ryry91: Where is it?
GayGuidance22: The community centre downtown."

I logged off and hopped on the next bus to the city. I saw the community centre and walked in. I found the room where the meeting was being held. When I walked in I was approached by a man in a brown polo shirt.

"Hey there. Is this your first time here?"

"Em Yeah."

"Well could you fill this out. Don't worry it's all private."

"Oh ok."

"Well what are you here for?"

"I kinda just got cheated on." I said as my lip began to tremble. I felt the tears begin to flow down my face.

"Aww honey it happens to the best of us. How bout you come talk to Will here."

A boy who must have been Will walked over to me and smiled.

"Hey I'm Will. I've been goin here for the last two years."

"Hey I'm Ryan. It's my first time."

Will introduced me to everyone and then brought me into a private room.

"So Dave said we should talk. Whats up?"

"I found out my boyfriends been cheating on me."

"Oh. That sucks man."

"Yeah I don't know what to think. Ever since we had a threesome with that guy I knew he was going to keep getting with him."

"What are you going to do?"

"I think it's over. I can't look at him the same anymore."

"I get what you mean."

I looked at Will. He was blond, tall and skinny. He was cute alright but I was too upset to think about that.

"So are you going to confront him?"


"I think it's a good idea man. You can't just let him away with it."

I nodded in agreement.

"I still love him."

"I know you do man but if he thinks it's ok to cheat he'll keep on doing it."

"I thought he was my soulmate."

"I know a cute guy like you will find someone else."

I smiled at Will.

"Look I gotta get going but here's my cell ok?"

"Oh thanks man."

I walked down to the recording studio but I couldn't go in. I didn't know who I wanted to see less Aaron or Ryan. I walked on to the bus stop and got a bus home. I spent the evening trying to distract myself. Eventually at seven I couldn't wait any longer. I walked down to Riley's place. I knocked on the door and he answered it smiling.

"Riley we need to talk."

"Why whats wrong?"

"There's rumor's going around that you've been doing things with Aaron."


"Some kids saw you fooling around after a show."


"So it's true then?"

"Em.....I didn't mean it man. You know I love you."

"I can't do this Riley. Come talk to me when you've made your mind up who you want to be with. I'm not going to be a part of some threesome just so you can get laid when you want. I thought we had more then that. Make your choice and then we can talk."

I walked off and it didn't take long for the tears to start flowing. When I got home my Mam caught me coming in the door.

"Ry what's wrong baby?"

"I just miss Dad today." I lied.

"Oh baby it's ok." She spent the evening comforting me and we both cried together. She hugged me and we both stayed up drinking cocoa under a blanket on the living room couch. The next day I rang Will pretty early.

"Hey Will it's me Ryan."

"Hey Ryan. Whats up man?"

"Well I was kinda hoping we could talk."

"Ok I'm just heading home but I can wait at the Bagel place by the skate shop and bring you back to my place."

"That would be great man."

"Ok see you soon."

I got a bus and within twenty minutes I was outside the bagel place.

"Hey man let's get something to eat."

I ordered a club bagel and a smoothie with peanut butter and bannana in it and sat down next to Will and his vegetarian bagel and orange smoothie.

"So have you talked to him."

"Yeah. I told him to choose who he wanted and then to talk to me."

"So you still want him back?"

"I'm not sure."

"I'm not here to tell you what you should do but consider what message taking him back sends."

"I know man."

We spent the evening in the bagel place and by the time we were finished talking it was almost closing time.

"My god man I was supposed to be home hours ago."

"I'm sorry Will. I kept you here listening to my bullshit all day."

"Nah it's ok. I enjoy your company." Will smiled and gave me a hug goodbye.

"Call me man."

When I got home I realised there was a message on my cell's answering machine. When I played it I could hear Riley crying and telling me how much he loved and needed me. I felt like running straight upto him and comforting but I knew I couldn't. He had betrayed me and now he was seeing the consequences. I texted Will about the message and he said to ignore it.

School came around pretty quickly and I managed to avoid Riley untill break time

"Ryan. Please talk to me."


"I'm sorry. I love you. I love you more then I've ever loved anyone else. Aaron was just lust."

"You cheated on me man. I showed you everything and you chose someone else."

"I quit the band. I'm not gonna see Aaron anymore. I want to make us work again." I said desperate to make him see how I felt.

"Riley I....." I turned my back on him and started walking. I wasn't ready to talk to him. Walking away from him was one of the hardest things I've ever done and it made me realised how much I still loved him. I called Mam and said I was feeling sick and she came and picked me up. I spent the evening on the phone to Will. We talked about everything.

"Will man. I'm starting to think your the perfect guy for me."

"Anyone can be the perfect rebound guy Ryan."

"No it's not like that man. We like the same music the same movies we can talk about anything."

"I suppose so Ry."

"You wanna go out?"

"I don't know if your ready Ryan."

"You'll never know unless you give me a try." I laughed, for the first time in days.

"Ok then we'll have a date. You can come to my place tommorow."

I was about to go watch some T.V when I heard a knock on the door. It was Riley I walked outside and closed the door after me.

"I love you."

"Riley it's not working out."

"I love you."

"You cheated on me."

"I love you."

"I've found someone else. Someone who won't go elsewhere someone who is happy to be with me, just me."

The words hit him like a brick and he fell to his knees crying.

"Riley I still love you but I can't be with you. It would be cool if we could be friends but we need some time apart."

He grabbed onto my waist and pulled me down to his level.

"Please. Please don't leave me."

"Riley you know it's for the best."

"My life is nothing without you."

"I can't do this Ri. I just can't."

I walked back into the house and closed the door on him. I walked upstairs and bawled my eyes out in my room for the next half hour. I was still in love with him but I had to force myself to move on. Riley was no good for me. I watched t.v. and played drums before going to bed for the night. When I woke up the next morning I went to school and avoided Riley. That evening I made plans to see Will. I arrived at his house an hour after our phonecall after following his directions and getting lost twice.

"Hey Ryan."

"Hey Man."

I walked in and we went straight upto his room. His room was small and painted pale blue. It was nice and we lay down on the bed and talked. As we were talking I leaned over and kissed him. He pulled away instantly.

"Ryan were not at that stage yet."

I kissed him again playfully.

"Ryan I'm serious."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't kiss on first dates."

"But technically this is like our third date."

"Cut out the joking man if you just want sex you should leave now."

"I dont just want sex but I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want to sleep with you."

"Ryan I think you should leave."

I left and spent the bus journey home wondering if it was my problem or his. All I knew was we weren't going to be talking again. On the way home I called into Riley's I needed to talk to him........