I walked into the
office and looked at the sign on the door. James H. Garret this guy was
going to be my therapist and I knew Mike was paying for it cuz this place
looked like it had cost major bucks. I had been dropped at the front door
by Mike and my Mam 15 minutes early for my first appointment. The office
was intimidating with its stark white walls and black leather couches.
Everything was sterile and clinical and I felt like I was in a hospital
which I guess I kinda was. The receptionist stared and politely took my
name down telling me to take a seat. The office had 2 doors and one was
pushed open abruptly and a man walked out. At first I thought he must
have been a patient but he walked over to me shook my hand warmly and
"Hey Im Dr.Garret but you can call me Jimmy" he beamed. I took
a step back to size him up, he definitely wasn't what I had expected.
He had shaggy black hair down over his ears, green eyes and a muscular
build. He was wearing a white tshirt, brown chords, and a pair of green
converse shoes. He seemed to notice my staring "seriously dude Im
an actual therapist." he laughed. I couldnt help but laugh with him.
He put his hand on my shoulder and guided me through the open door.
As I got in I looked
around, the room was a chocolate brown colour and had framed pictures
of Jimmi Hendrix and Bob Dylan everywhere. There was a couch in the centre
of the room and a desk in the corner. The room was pretty cool and it
helped me relax. Jimmy came in and we both sat down on the couch. The
couch was huge and you pretty much sank into it. Jimmy hopped on and adopted
a strange cross legged meditation type pose. "Ok Im gonna tape or
session so I can take notes later. Is that ok?" Jimmy smiled. "yeah
sure" I muttered feeling very nervous as he turned on a tape recorder
behind the couch.
"Ok" he said "So were here today because........ well do
you wanna tell me or should I just go on what I've been told?". "I'll
tell you" I muttered slightly embarrassed. "I got stoned and
went to my friends house and told her dad all about how my mams ex-boyfriend
used to beat me up and thats pretty much it" Jimmy looked at me "your
pretty casual about it all little dude. Whys that?" This was the
type of question I hated, the kind where you had to think and couldn't
get out of it without giving a lot away about yourself. "I dont know,
my mams been talking to me about it non-stop and its just not such a big
deal anymore". Jimmy shrugged "ok then, Why did you take the
drugs in the first place do you think?" This one required thought
cuz I knew the answer I just wasn't sure if I wanted him to know it yet.
"I dont wanna talk about that" I said firmly. "Well maybe
you'd feel better if you talked to someone about it" I thought about
it yeah it would be good to tell someone everything but how could I be
sure he wouldn't use it against me? "If I tell you something can
you tell anyone else?" "nope we've got doctor patient confidentiality".
"Ok then here it goes" I thought.
"Well my boyfriend wouldn't come over and my parents were gone and
I felt alone so I just got out my stash and smoked some" Jimmy didnt
react like I had hoped he was totally unphased by the fact that I had
a boyfriend. "how long have you and your boyfriend been together?"asked
Jimmy."Like 2 weeks" I replied "and is this a sexual relationship"he
asked. "We only had sex once but it was painful so we've kept to
other stuff since" I was still kinda hoping to shock Jimmy but he
didnt even seem slightly surprised by my deceleration."How long have
you known you were gay?" he asked. "Since last year" I
quickly replied. "and does your Mam know your gay?". I didn't
have to think about this one. "Hell No."
"ok then, why wouldn't your boyfriend come over? Whats his name by
the way?" Jimmy questioned. "His names Ryan and he wouldn't
come over cuz he was being an ass." "In what way was he being
an ass?" "Well he wouldn't come over cuz his parents wouldn't
let him and I dont think he even argued with them about it" This
guys was beginning to piss me off with the constant questioning. "Did
you feel rejected when he wouldn't come over." "Not really"
I replied. "Well its strange that your so angry with him for not
coming over even when it wasnt his choice not to come over isnt it?"
I thought about it and I suppose it was. "So maybe you were just
a little sensitive about it and felt rejected." he questioned "Well.........I
suppose so" I said thinking about Ryan and I felt tears forming in
my eyes. Jimmy passed me a box of tissues with a comforting look. "I
know its hard to talk about your feelings sometimes but it will help you
deal with things."
"So could we agree that maybe Ryan didnt come over because he wasn't
allowed but did want to see you?" " I suppose so" I groaned.
"ok then, so you mentioned you were beaten up by your Mams ex-boyfriend?"
he had broken me with the questions on Ryan so I decided just to go with
it and answer his questions honestly. "Yeah". "How did
you feel when he did this to you?" Jimmy questioned. Well geez that
was a stupid question "Well I didnt understand why he hated me so
much ya know? I had tried to get him to like me but the more I tried the
more he seemed to hate me." Jimmy nodded "Do you think you deserved
the beatings?" I had to think about this one in someways I had irritated
Chris and I had stolen from him. "Well in some cases I suppose yeah."
Jimmy looked sadly at me. "Do you not think it was wrong for a grown
man to hit you no matter what the situation?" "I suppose so"
I replied. "Well then do you still think you deserved the beatings?"
"No" I almost shouted, Jimmy was right Chris should never have
hurt me and it wasn't my fault.
"So your Mam has a new boyfriend tell me about him". "Well
his names Mike, hes Irish, em hmm thats about all I know about him."
"How long have they be going out?" Jimmy added. "Well hmm
like a week and a bit but they're really close already". "How
do you feel about Mike?" asked Jimmy. "What do you mean?"
I questioned. "Well do you like him or do you trust him stuff like
that?". "He makes my Mam happy and he promised he'd never hurt
me and he even hugged me once" Jimmy seemed surprised"Is one
hug a big deal to you? How long has it been since you had a father figure?"
Jimmy shot questions at me from all sides I suddenly felt stupid for what
I had said. "Em it wasnt a big deal, and em I dont know probably
never cuz my Dad left before I was born." Jimmy looked at me "you
seemed happy when you said that Mike had hugged you once theres no need
to be embarrassed about anything around me Riley we can talk openly and
honestly and I wont tell anyone what you've said". "Ok then"
I groaned "it was just nice of him to hug me I haven't been hugged
by a guy since my Grandpa and he died 5 years ago."
"Ok Riley that us finished for today. I'm gonna give you my card
with my number on it and you can sit there for a minute and just relax
these sessions can take a lot out of people." I knew what he meant
I felt totally drained and it had only been half an hour. This guy was
good he had made me realize a few things and I knew I had to go and see
Ryan soon and make things up to him.