It comes down to this, thought Taran as he walked down the driveway to his friend's house. It was three years since he'd first made contact with his then best friend. Since then he had done a lot of soul searching. At first he just passed it off as experimentation. But as the years went on, and his little rendezvous' became more frequent, he came to realise it was a part of who he was. He was gay. And he had to tell someone or he'd just burst.
But who? He decided after much thought to tell Will first. The two 16 year old's had only become friends two years ago, but Taran considered Will to be one of his closest friends. He was certainly the most open-minded. Although many times, Taran had heard Will make gay-jokes, he was certain that was only because he wanted to make it clear that he definitely wasn't gay. Hell even Taran himself had made similar jokes.
It's not like he found an attraction for Will though. Or indeed any of his friends. In fact he found them all to be quite unattractive. Yet Will was one of those friends that he felt he could say anything to. He didn't seem to judge, and was a good listener.
Thinking back, Taran remembered how nervous he was with Layton on their first night. It was uncharted waters for both of them. Taran couldn't seem to remember what Layton said to get him to take his clothes off, but once they were at that stage, everything flowed so fast. The touching, the kissing, and of course the sucking and swallowing which followed. Looking back, Taran remembered how uncoordinated they were that first time. At the time, it felt like the greatest feelings ever. But now, with the experiences Taran had had since, it was just pretty lousy sex.
As nervous as Taran was back then, it was not a patch on how he felt now. With Layton and the two guys since, there had been reciprocation, and therefore a bond of trust was developed. If one of his lovers had have blabbed, then he could always give them the same treatment. It was sweet. With Will, all the risk was all on Taran's side. He could see how what he was about to do could ruin his life. Kids had been berated and victimised for lesser crimes, like sitting in the front seats in class. How would they tolerate news of a queer amongst them?
Yet Taran knew he must go through with it. There was just something in the air that told him, today would be a good day. Maybe it was intuition. Maybe it was his guardian angel speaking. Or maybe he'd smoked too many cones in the past week. Whatever it was, he would force himself to go through with it.
Taran got to the door and knocked. As he waited for his friend, he went over and over in his mind what he was about to do. So hard was he thinking that he didn't even notice the door swing open for him. Will stood there bare-footed, with a slice of toast in his hand. His long hair was tied up, but his few clothes were disheveled enough to tell Taran that they'd been slept in.
Taran was promptly greeted by his friend, and ushered inside. They headed downstairs like they always do, noting that as usual, Will's parents were away for the day. Getting downstairs, he was greeted with another hello. This time by James, who was sitting in one of the sofa's. Taran immediately returned the hello, but in his mind was cursing James. When making his plans he had not accounted for James.
James was perhaps the most attractive out of all Taran's friends. Not because of his looks. He just had this certain aura. He was extremely compelling. For some reason if James is in a room, you seem drawn to him. His average looks of blonde curly hair, and blue eyes somehow seemed to transfix whomever he talked to. He knew exactly how to dress. Yet it wasn't the normal brand-name, so called `cool clothes' that most kids wear. At the age of 17, James dressed like an avant-garde artist. Imagine John Lennon or Morrissey at the age of 17, and that was James. Except he can't sing for shit.
Taran was busy going over his plans again in his head. Adding James to the list would complicate things. James could be extremely immature sometimes. Taran wasn't sure if he could trust him with this news. But then he reasoned that he had plenty of goss on James as well. Perhaps if he took the news badly, he could blackmail him. At the thought of this, Taran made an evil smirk. Yeah, that was it. If he started cussing him, he'd simply threaten to tell his folks about the stash James has in his bedroom.
No, I could never do that to a friend, Taran thought to himself. At length, he decided that he'd just risk it and tell both of them. Will and James are such good friends that telling one is almost like telling both anyway. He'd just have to pick the right time, and Taran felt that now was not quite it.
"So, Taran, can I interest you in a cone?" Will immediately asks. This has been characteristic of Will and James of late. Taran was less enthusiastic about the whole thing, but enjoyed it in the company of his friends. Given the importance of today, he figured he could certainly use a loosener.
"Yeah, I wouldn't say no."
"That reminds me," Will paused, as he turned to James. "James man, chuck some music on." James did as suggested, and as the three of them made their way to the patio, they could hear the distinctive voice of Morrissey, and the jangle of Johnny Marr's guitar as "William, It Was Really Nothing" started to play.
Well that's one pro for me, Taran thought to himself. They can't be too adverse to the homosexual attitude if they like the Smiths. Then again, maybe they're too dense to understand what he's singing about.
Two cones later, and Taran was flying. He's always been a one or two cone boy, while Will and James have typically needed three, four or five each. The three friends find this weird, because Will and James stand at a mere 5'10" or maybe 6', while Taran has reached 6'4". But, as Will points out it doesn't follow the same body-weight rules that alcohol does, and like they know anything about how the mull works.
The trio made their way back inside to mellow out and play some Super NES or something. They actually decided on a game of Spacehulk (a strategy board-game, loosely modeled on the movie "Aliens"). As usual, Will wanted to control the Genestealers (the aliens), leaving James and Taran to control the Space Marines. The object of this mission was for the Space Marines to destroy two rooms with the flamers. Spacehulk was a common pass-time for the three friends of late. It gets especially interesting when you're stoned.
The game progressed. It seemed an imminent win for the Genestealers as one flamer had already been killed, and neither of the two rooms had been `cleansed'. Taran was always amazed at how Will could concentrate when he was stoned. All Taran usually wanted to do was blurt out stupid shit, and act like a complete dickhead. However today he had much on his mind, and wasn't in the mood for such frivolities. Will and James noticed his behaviour, or lack there-of.
"Hey man? Are you alright? You're being heaps quiet," James said with genuine concern.
It took Taran a couple of seconds to realise he was being spoken to. He had to physically shake himself before he could make a reply. "Huh? Yeah, I'm cool. Just... Got a bit on my mind."
James and Will appeared to accepted that answer. Though Taran could tell they wanted to know what was up. And Taran wanted so desperately to tell them, but didn't know how to start. It's like when he went abseiling the other week. He was all excited about it for the days leading up, but once he got to the edge, adrenaline took over and he felt genuinely scared.
After Will changed CD's, having noticed the silence which had existed for the last ten minutes or so, to the Pixies ("Doolittle"), the game progressed. But now, Taran's mind just wasn't on the game at all. James had to make all his moves for him. Taran just sat on the stool, and stared at nothing.
Taran knew the time had come where he needed to say something. He disparately wanted to. But everytime he tried to open his mouth, he hesitated. All that came out was a series of ah's and un's. Each time James or Will would look up expecting a sentence, but only getting grunts. This caused strange looks from James.
Eventually Will cut to the chase. "Taran, man, what the fuck is up with you today? Is there something you're trying to tell us?" Will looked at his friend willing him to speak.
"Yeah, Guys. There's something I want to tell you. And it'll probably change the way you think of me. So I'm not sure if I should. But it's really killing me to keep it a secret." Taran couldn't believe he was about to say it. He was so nervous, that he couldn't stop talking for fear he'd chicken out, but at the same time he was trying to give himself some comfort zone by warning them in advance.
After Taran said this, he became aware of James and Will smiling at each other. Taran saw it. It appeared to him like one of those smiles suggesting they know something you don't. "What are you smiling at!" Taran demanded.
"Taran, man, We already know that you're gay." Will just blankly said.