Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2012 10:45:56 +0530 From: muana pachuau Subject: tears and happiness part 1 Email me at muana17pachuau@gmail.com or muanaliannghawr@gmail.com Note: The following is a story containing homosexual interactions and explicit contents. If it is illegal in your area or you are below 18 years, do not read. All character and places in the story is fictional. Well, I'm a bit nervous in writing a story. Since I don't think I am actually a good writer. But what the hell! I have to get out of my shell and experience new things. Nifty have been apart of my life for so long. I have to do this. Okay, first of all, I would like to hear from the readers about- anything, good or bad, suggestions etc. all sort of that things. Well please let me introduce you to my first ever nifty story? shaking, like seriously shaking. Here it goes. TEARS AND HAPPINESS: 1 Bitter sweet and sour OMG! Hurry up hurry up! No!............. Noooooo! BHAM!( well, that's me! Late again, uugghh! Why did this always happens to me? I hate my life. If only I could be as fast as the other kids) the school bus took off. Just like that. (without me, hmmm! AGAIN! I was pretty sure I set my alarm this morning. Still, it took off. I hate my life. Now I'll get punished. Yet AGAIN! Like this has to go on forever) I stood at the bus stop silently. Thinking! (why am I always this late? I'm such a looser) I turn to my right and walked in slow motion. Two streets to cross and I'm looking at that black top road unwillingly. (this is such bul*****. But why doesn't it ever stop. Well, I'm a looser so I guess being locked out is appropriate for me. Locked out of class rooms, cafeteria and now even the bus. This is such crap! I hate everyone else. How can my life wnt from being number one to being number DUMB)???? I felt my tears drawing near. Why is everyone so mean to me? I hate how people look at me, like I'm some sort of a disease, trying to infect them with an incurable virus. I hate how I'm watched at school. I could hear them whispering. Look here he comes? Even now as I'm making my way to the school by foot like when I'm only 2 blocks away. Still I could feel my veins and heartbeat getting stiff from the incredible loud sound that keep banging up in my head. I hate it. I tried with my best effort to imagine other things, you know, things that had made me happy or used to. And that's when it hit me? "WHAT"? it seems like I'm out of happy moments too. Except for? Wait! "I'm not gonna think about that! Not! Not ever! No! Not in a million years". Why should I even dream about him? The one person who had made my life the loveliest and then tore my heart to pieces, that person who had ruined my life. With my hand in my pocket and tears pouring down, I walk at a slow pace. Sorry, about me um! My name is Jason Alexander Hudson Jr. and I'm 17 years old. You maybe surprised but to tell you the truth I'm pretty much a solid muscle boy with 5:10 feet. And sort of attractive. My mother having Spanish backgrounds and my dad being a French-latin mixed blood. I live with my parents in a small town at the north end of Chicago called Old Fairmount valley. We used to be close, us, our family. I used to be the popular kid, the Jock, the quarterback at 'Old Fairmont high school' until my junior high. Then, everything changed. Halfway through my Junior year, darkness falls on me like a moonless night. My little brother was diagnosed with cancer. The doctor said it was brain cancer. I missed Jared. We were so close, together, making plans for the future. He was two years younger than me. He was 13 when his battle with cancer came to an end. And just like that fate took him from me, us. My dad Jason Alexander Hudson was torn to pieces. My mom Amelia Carrie Hudson almost lost herself. At that particular time, around two months before Jared passed away I found out I was gay. You know the whole, shit why am I always sneaking at guys inside the school gym locker rooms, in the showers and other places. I also have this deep connection with my long time friend and only best friend Joshua Matthews, and we started to like/ love each other in more than just a friendship type. Or so I thought that was what we have. Love! I told Jared about my feelings for Josh and the fact that I was gay. He was so understanding, hugged me and gave me his blessings. Josh being my best friend since middle school, I was a bit happy through the worst days. Then, it all fall apart. Just in a blink of an eye. Just a second and the walls came scrambling down on me. Some kid saw me and Josh kissing at the back of the market, josh's was facing me and the wall, maybe that's why the kid, whoever he or she maybe did not see his face. But me, I was known, and like any typical high school? things turn UGLY. It was Monday. As usual I packed my stuff and lunch. Hate that cafeteria food! Mom and Dad had gone with jared at the hospital to check him in again like for the 7th time. I prayed silently for Jared on the bus. I was so buried deep in my thoughts I did not even bothered the commotion that had been going on since I jumped on the bus. We stop at josh's street. I was so eager to see him again. Saturday was so great. I had so much fun. He said he love me. Wow! There he is. He's looking at me. Hmmm! Looks like he is in serious thoughts. He's coming closer, I scooped myself near the window and left a space near me for my Boyfriend to si?. Shit what's going on? He passed me? I turned at the back. "Josh"? (confused? definitely) Josh! Come here!... he turned at me. (THEN SUDDENLY) Hey Alex! We voted you off the team. ( that's Harry Jones sounding pissed off) "What? Harry you jerk". I laughed out loud! Chuckling. " please stop making jokes especially on Monday cuz it's su? THAT WAS NO JOKE YOU BOY KISSING COCK SUCKING FAGGOT? The whole bus turned towards me and faces grew cold. Oh oh! What's this new commotion about? They are obviously looking at our direction. (STOP?. Harry said what? WHAT?) Harry? Please Alex don't even bother getting back on the team. I'm the quarterback now. What did you say me being a Fag?( I choked at the word) Look at this. We have proof. (it was me, someone snapshot our kiss and Josh? O God! Josh? I look at Josh. He didn't look at me, then harry started to speak again.) Is that a whore boy you're kissing! Alex. Hey Josh! I can't believe we hang out with a fag. Specially you. Dude seriously you have to choose between the team and this fag. (what was he saying? The whole time I looked at the picture on Harry's cell phone. I could see why no one knew that the boy was Josh. He was facing the wall. There were like three images of us. All in all, to my surprise Josh faced the wall. A hug snapshot. A hug snapshot with me blushing like a TOTAL FREAK and a kiss photo taken from behind josh? but anyone could actually know it was a boy on boy kiss. Even just in one short glance.) Everything STOP. I COULD FEEL MY SWEAT DROOLING LIKE A BOILING WATER. I turned toward Josh. (is it fear of being outed? Is it desperation for a support from the love of my life? Faces look disgusted! Everyone now glaring at me? shaking in my pants? shaking) "Josh?"? "Josh"? (a few seconds of silence fell. Tears trickle down my face. He didn't bother to look at me. Instead he put his earphone on and listened to his mp3. What is he doing?) ?. "JOSH?" Can't you see Alex. He chosed our side. Even the coach says that,"faggots and football can't get along", haha! Yep. You screwed big time. fAG. (I looked at harry and just at that moment?) BHAM! I PUNCHED HIS FACE. The other football players jumped in and held me. You know the most annoying thing. Josh stayed quiet and calm. Looking at his friends or my once upon a time friends molest me inside the Bus. HEY! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE ALL GOING BY FOOT (Karlos our school bus driver yelled with anger) You're gonna get it right after we step out. Harry said with an anger tone. I on the other hand was so angry at Josh that I didn't even bother anyone else. (how could this be the Josh I've known who told me his love obsession for me? Moreover, how could he ever claim himself a best friend?? Look at him. Sitting calm like not acknowledging anything happen at all. H?e?heart hurts, is it something else? No, my heart definitely hurts. A lot! Where did it came from? Stop it. Please) tears formed in my eyes, as I look at Josh who still did not eyed at me one time. Yeah cry You fag.( harry again) soon the other jocks laughed at me joining him as I desperately search for josh's eyes to met mine. If only he did, he would know my hurt. "Awwww, pee wee cock sucker's crying. You know I actually can't believe we used to call you our Hero once. Now it all makes sense , why you never dated a girl long enough. Haha", said Kevin delunga. ( the laughter continued) The bus pulled stop. And the other players drag me out. I on the other hand just let them drag me. ( I was certain I could kick all of their ass. But that didn't matter. Anymore! Josh didn't fight for me. Josh didn't see me. I'll be okay if he only gave at least a pity look even if he was afraid to come out. But he didn't. no nothing. That break my heart right there. I have no strength in me anymore.) BHAM. (I could see him kissing me, making me laugh) WHAM (I could recollect his soft voice telling me he love me) BANG (I could see that night, that first night, we were there, I told him I was gay, without another word I turned around and try to walk away) CLAM( it was a full moon, and he? he? took my hand quickly and pushed me around, our faces met) BHAM BHAM (he planted a kiss on my lips) KRACK ( I could see that night we finally made love. He inside me, I inside him, lost in love, filled with lust, his eyes sparkling, his heart beating against mine, with mine at the same sweet pace) I was bleeding from my right eyelids. He didn't look at me? there he goes! I could barely talk. Silently I whispered for help towards him? josssshhh! He's gone. BACK TO PRESENT?.. All of these was going back and forth in my head. The one boy I didn't want to think about. Here I am, walking all alone, missing the bus, senior student ex-quarterback, ex-eye candy for guys,girls, teachers, ex-most popular kid? well technically I'm still popular? in a many negative ways. I walk slowly toward that prison, that prison I once ruled over. I was the chief back there. Tears filled my eyes and my face was now completely drained by flood. Then, I think back to my little brother's funeral? well, a little further? his last day on earth, his last word for me and dad. DAD! Alex is who he is. And you can't change that. (he coughed abit and his dry lips look like they can barely speak anymore?) pl..please? love him like nothing can hurt him. (tears filled his eyes, my little brother, so strong, being strong, hanging on for dear life? hanging on much much more for his brother and his dad to reconnect, mom was there trying with her eyes at me and dad? sobbing. Pain in her eyes, love in her heart) DAD PLEASE? ! he shout as loud as his throat allows him?. Dad ran out of the room? DAAAAD! He was crying when he saw the disappointment of our father. He looked at me. The V.I.P room at the hospital was filled with heartache? "Alex? Don't give up on dad, let him come around. He'll? unde? underst..and? he could barely speak? Jarsy, I cried?. I squeeze toward him? so does mom and we held in a group hug? crying?. Love was there? "Jarsy bro! don't speak like it's the end? you'll be okay? and? and dad will be happy? please try harder? bro?I love you, please don't say stuff like this? like you're going away. Yes dear don't. I will talk to your dad. Everything will be fine?( she could barely speak, she looked at us, her two boys and hugged us both) After awhile jared said he was a bit tired and he need a rest. He gave mom a quick kiss on her cheek then me? I love you guys? and I love dad? everything will be okay. He closed his eyes? then the monitor went of?. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEpppppppp. PRESENT?. Everything came back up in my head?. My dad rushing into the room? my mom crying? me clinging to my heart in pain and hurt?. The nurses trying to force us out of the room. The oxygen mass everything? the doctors? trying to give everything they got?. Everything.! I walk upto the school? I cleared my eyes. I am sure everyone's going to see my red swollen eyes. Football star turned fag most fag star ever to live, sort of the things that will have their attention. But what the heck. Only three more months and I'm leaving? this town, everyone? my dad for sure( he still doesn't talk to me? now for like one and a half year) my mom, whom I'll always love(if ever I come back here I will only come back for mom) everyone else can suck my COCK! Though I'm now negatively popular as the DRAG queen! Seriously? Whatever. ? my pain and suffering translated itself in the academic process? surprisingly, though teacher's hated me for being a fag? they are wowed by my academic performances. And soon enough all of them? most of them now think I'm a charm?. Huh! Well that's based on moods they usually carry mr. Summers my math teacher is the best. He heartedly feels sorry for me? maybe too sorry to get recognized by other students, that one time not long ago like three weeks ago, started rumoring about Mr. summers and I having illegal teacher student relationship. (he's as straight as they come to tell the truth, but has a gay son, he didn't care much about rumors even when Principal Harrington talk to him about the rumors, but for me though it was nice of him to act in my defence, sometimes I feel too overprotected? no wonder rumors of me going behind and under his desk in class and sucking him off while we studied equations. HUH! As if? Well, he stood in front of Coach Raynold once, back when I was outed. Coach was handing me my belonging and trying to punch me for being a fag. Mr. summers was there just in time. They should give him a gold medal for being everyone's favorite teacher? he really is everyone's favorite. How else could student even start a rumor about him involving in illegal teacher student sexual encounter ? he just laugh it off?) Anyways, math was first period Monday, and I'm sure Mr. Summers probaply knows by now why I'm not in his class. The school bus had it's way of missing me? specially on Mondays. With all the past haunting me yet again? I look at the Prison again. I took a deep breath, then walk in the school's main hall? No one said anything to me during recess and lunch?. In fact I have no friends anymore. On the other hand it was nice? harry and the football team including Josh didn't bother me anymore? even if I was gay I think they know all the muscle power was still there in me, and I keep a good shape of myself actually, jogging and gym. Even took a taekwondo class and now seriously having the gut to watch my own back? no one infact actually dared to bully me (or so I thought?) I was just by myself? never talk to anyone? infact awkwardly but truly speaking? even the nerds and the emo outcast are way on the 'IN' than me? I was lonely though! Though I never quiet know why I'm always tearing apart inside? I think that's got to be a fact. Lonely. Definitely. But what I didn't know back then was that my life was about to change? seriously. End of chapter one? Please write your comments? send me mails and all? feel free. This is my first so, I know im still bad at writing.