Date: Wed, 28 Nov 2012 12:35:17 -0800 From: Douglas DD DD Subject: The Big Time Chapter 53 Greetings and welcome to another chapter of "The Big Time". This chapter is all about the seventh grade story line as I phase out the high school line. It is about Marty learning to step out of himself and trust somebody. If you know a teen with a drinking problem, go to AA.org and click on the Young People icon. The usual keeps applying, especially the part about donating to Nifty. Douglas thehakaanen@hotmail.com CHAPTER 53 MARTY OPENS UP "I wish I'd been there," Noah said to the baseball group at the lunch table. "I would have been one of his guards for sure." Noah was referring to Marty masturbating in the Titan dugout before his crucial at-bat in the varsity's opening game the day before. Noah was at Kentburg that day, starting at second for the Titan JV team in an 8-5 win over the Bulldogs. "It didn't really happen," Bobby said. "It's all an April Fool's joke. No way that happened, not even with Marty." He looked down the table at Marty who gave him a big grin and a thumbs up. "Oh, it happened all right," Eric said. "But did you actually see it?" Bobby asked. "I heard you were at bat and then on the bases." "I saw it," Kevin said. "It was as real as real could be." "Boner rally," Marty said. "It worked." "I still don't believe it. I think you're all giving us JV guys a bunch of crap. But it's not April Fool's Day today, so you can give it to us straight." "We are," Lars said. "No reason to lie about it now. Maybe we should have taken pictures." "Yeah," Kraig said, "and then posted them on Facebook." "Oh sure, and then get nailed for posting kiddy porn." "No you wouldn't," Noah said. "You'd have to be able to see Marty's dick for that to be porn and it wouldn't be big enough to see online." That brought a roar of laughter to the table. "Come on, little boy, come meet me in the bathroom," Marty said. "We can do a comparison test." "Oh, darn—it's almost time for the bell." Marty made clucking sounds and the table broke up again. The Titan baseball boys were in a good mood after their big win of the day before. The next day saw the Titans on the road against the Meadow Park Lions. The Lions had defeated Chinook 7-6 in their first game and the Lions usually fielded a decent team. Eric was the starting pitcher and went five innings, giving up five hits and two runs as the Titans won 6-3. Vince relieved Eric and Rich pitched the last inning to pick up a save. While Marty didn't jerk off this time, he did pull out his dick in the top of the seventh. "It's my save boner," he said. Hunter, who was the JV call-up for the game, stared wide-eyed. He was now convinced of the truth of the already mythical boner rally. "It would be nice if somebody was ready to play third with his head in the game," Rich said. He acted like he was not amused by Marty's antics, when in reality he wished he could be a part of them. But the distance between the two boys remained a wide one. Marty could see Rich's point when he had to try to get his dick inside of his cup. He ended up having to play third without his cup, and when he had to use his body to knock down a bounding ball that grazed his nuts, he decided that maybe a "save boner" was not one of his better ideas— at least not without jerking it off first so he could fit it back into his cup. He did jerk off in the back of the bus on the ride home from the game, leaving his wad on the floor. Maybe some first grader will like it in the morning, he thought. Marty had gone to a meeting with Mr. B, hiding in the back of the room and saying nothing, as usual. But he did listen to some of the sharing, which was more than he'd done before going to rehab. When they returned to Mayfield, Mrs. B invited Marty to stay for dinner. Marty eagerly accepted the invitation. Jeffrey was excited about Marty staying to eat. "Are you going to spend the night?" Jeffrey asked. Marty knew what would happen if he spent the night and he wasn't sure if that was what he wanted. Maybe it would be more accurate to say he wasn't sure that was what he should do—he knew it was what he wanted. "Not this time, J.J." "Oh man, that's no fair." "Jeffrey, Marty will be staying again. Let him have his own space." "He does have his own space, right in my bed. Pleeeeease, Marty." "I'll stay again, don't worry," Marty said. "Next week?" "We'll see." "Promise you'll stay!" This time his dad cut in. "Jeffrey. Marty will stay when he's ready to stay, so let's cease with the pestering." "But..." "Now!" Jeffrey's face turned dark with a sullen look and he turned to leave the room. Marty instinctively stepped in. "Hey, J.J." "What?" Jeffrey said with a surly tone. "I hear you've been having some problems in school...talking too much in class and shi...stuff like that." "So?" "So, I got the same problem sometimes." Mr. B astutely avoided correcting Marty's grammar. "I'll tell you what. I promise I'll be good in school until spring break if you promise to do the same thing." Jeffrey's expression didn't change as the little seven year old stood with his head down and the same sullen look still on his face. "And if your dad doesn't get a single complaint from your teachers, I promise to spend a night during spring break." Jeffrey's eyes lit up and the look on his face changed dramatically. "For real?" "Totally for real." Jeffery held out his fist like he saw the big kids do and Marty gave him a fist bump. "That makes it signed and sealed," Marty told him. Jeffrey wrapped his arms around his fourteen year old friend and gave him a big squeeze, then reached up and pulled on Marty's head. Marty leaned down and Jeffrey gave him three kisses on his right cheek and a quick peck on his lips. "I love you, Marty." "I love you, too, J.J. Now go play with Sammy so your dad and I can talk." "Okay. I can't wait until you stay." Jeffrey scooted out of the room with a skip to his step. "Nice move," Mr. B. said. "I hope you appreciate how much J.J. loves and respects you. You're like a big brother to him." "He's like my little brother and I love him, too." "I totally trust you to do the right thing by him." "Okay," was all Marty could think of saying as guilty thoughts of having had Jeff's little cock in his mouth raced through his head. That part of the conversation led right into the topic he and Mr. B were going to discuss. "They were talking about secrets in the meeting," Marty said to his mentor. "About how we're as sick as the secrets we keep." Like the fact I've had sex with your seven year old son, Marty thought to himself. "It's often true. It's a good adage to live by." "I've got stuff I've never told anybody." "Not even in rehab?" "No. I told them a lot, like about how I fucked things up, and about some of my bad thoughts about people. You know, the whole taking inventory thing. I mean I know now it wasn't Rich's fault that I drank all the time and I know what an asshole I've been to him. Now I just gotta figure out how to tell him that." "Telling him will happen in its own time," Mr. B said. "And I told about how I hurt other people I gotta make amends to. Even you, but I guess I've kind of talked about that with you." "Yes you have. But, back to the secrets. I have a person who knows all of mine; a person I trust implicitly. If a person like that should enter your life you will be amazed about how good it makes you feel to be able to tell those secrets." "Does it have to be my sponsor?" Marty asked, referring to Mr. B himself. "No it doesn't. It could be somebody like Donald. But we've talked about this before." "I don't know him good enough. But I do know somebody I trust totally. I just don't know if I should tell him some of the shit that happened to me." "If you trust him totally, he might be the person." "Yeah, maybe. But the thing is, he's only twelve." "And as I said to you before, it will be up to you to decide if you think he is ready to listen to what you have to say. I'd advise you to find somebody older, but in the end it is totally your decision." The Titans had an easy 13-1 win over Clark Pass. Scott started and pitched all five innings of the game that was shortened by the 10 run rule. The only inning in which the Eagles got any men on base was the second as Scott mowed them down 1-2-3 in the other four innings. There was no need for any kind of boners and nobody even talked about it. On the bus ride home Marty sat next to Eric. "I need to talk to you about something serious," he said without fanfare. "Now?" "No. Maybe on Saturday." "I guess." Eric had no idea what was on Marty's mind, but he could see that this was Marty the serious boy talking to him, not Marty the crazy boner-rally boy. "I have to help with the fundraising stuff in the morning, but the afternoon is cool." "Thanks. I'll see you at the warehouse in the morning to help." The Mayfield Feed Mart had some extra storage space, which they let the group use to store the items they collected from the community. "Super. I'll tell mom you'll come home with me for lunch after we work." The Go to State Team was busily collecting new and used "stuff" for a booth they were going to set up at the big Spring Fling in Centralia. The event included a flea market and the team was going to have their booth there. Eric was on the collection and organizing committee. There was also a committee to build and decorate their booth and tables. Connor was the head of it, but was mostly concerned with the building part. His uncle was a carpenter and volunteered to help them make a first class display area. Rodney, who was very artistic, took charge of the decorating end, enlisting some of his harem to help with their decorating skills. The Titan baseball team filled two tables at lunch time. Even some of the straight boys, who usually sat with their girl friends, were at the table. It was another game day and there was lots of baseball to talk about. They would be playing the Chinook Totems at home. Chinook had a good team that was 1-1, with a 7-6 loss to Meadow Park and an 11-0 win over Clark Pass. Because Spring Break was next week and because their bye would be coming up right after that, this was going to be their last game for over two weeks. "It's almost like baseball is ending after we barely got started," Noah said. "We gotta be sure to get a lot of throwing and stuff in at the park," Eric said. "Some of us will be gone," Rich told them. His family was going to California for the week. "But Mikey and I are taking a couple of baseballs and our gloves, so we'll at least get some throwing in." Mikey was Rich's eleven year old brother. "Make sure you take a lot of lube, too," Vince said. "Mikey's ass isn't that big." "And I bet it's really tight," Kevin chimed in. Rich flipped them both off, mumbling things about the dirty minds on this team. While he didn't advertise the fact, it was suspected by some that Rich was pounding his little brother's ass. Rich justified it to himself by saying since his girlfriend, Trish, wasn't putting out, he had to get it from somewhere. "At least he isn't getting it double like your little brother is," Vince told Kevin, coming to the aid of his friend. "You've got two brothers," Marty said. "Don't tell me nothing goes on in your house." "Wouldn't you just love to know?" Vince said. "You probably have the hots for Blake or you wouldn't even think those thoughts." Blake was Vince's nine year old brother. He also had a brother, Brad, who was eighteen and a senior. "Are you gonna do a boner rally today?" Gavin asked Marty. "Only if we need it," Marty said. "If we just go out and kick ass we won't need it. I can tell you this—there ain't gonna be a save rally after what happened when I tried that." "Let's just go kick ass, guys," Eric said. "It would be nice to go into vacation undefeated." "I second that," Noah said. The afternoon was 65 and sunny, a great day for playing baseball. Rodney was the starter and he got right to work pitching a good game. Unfortunately, the Titan bats were silent. The Totems scored a run in the fourth and another in the sixth, with the Titans sandwiching in a run in the bottom of the fifth. Going into the bottom of the sixth the Mayfield Titans trailed 2-1. Since Marty had been the second to last batter in the fifth, he most likely wouldn't be hitting in the sixth. He'd singled to knock in the Titan's only run in that at bat. "Okay, guys, no use waiting for the seventh. Let's score now, hold them, and then be undefeated over vacation," Marty said. "What are you going to do about it?" Vince asked. "You know exactly what." Marty unbuttoned his baseball pants and pulled out his cup. "But I need some cover." Chandler and Korey, their ten year old bat boys, looked awestruck at Marty. They had missed the first home game because their class was away on a field trip that didn't have them back until after five. Because the elementary schools were out later than the middle school at the end of the day, the boys couldn't go on the road trips. So, they had missed the boner rally in the first game. Korey, of course, had heard all about the rally from his twin brothers. Chandler looked at Korey and Korey pointed to the dugout. "Go for it," he said. "I'll take care of the bats." Both boys were dressed in jeans, a Mayfield Middle School t-shirt, and batting helmets, which were mandatory when the boys were on the field. Chandler walked over to the corner of the dugout and stood in front of Marty who pulled his hardening cock out as soon as Coach Ecklund jogged over to the third base coach's box. Marty was pleased when Lars, who had pinch hit the last inning and wasn't eligible to re-enter the game, sat next to him and popped open his pants. "Double the cums and double the runs," Lars said as he wiggled his still flaccid cock out of his jock. Rich looked at the two of them in the corner and felt his dick stir in his cup. He wanted badly to get involved, but knew he couldn't for two reasons. The big reason was that he was going to walk to the bullpen area with Vince to warm- up. Vince was getting his gear on to catch him and Adrian would go with them as protection against batted balls. The other reason was that he wasn't going to do anything that would give Marty satisfaction. Marty and Lars started on their cocks. Marty's was pushing six inches and had a nice little nest of pubic hair. Lars had a bald five inch cock that looked longer because of its thinness. "Too bad you can't suck it here, that would rally us for sure," Kraig told Lars. Kraig was helping Chandler at blocking the view from the outside. Kraig was rock hard and Chandler's little three inch ten year old cock was pushing against his briefs and jeans. Scott led off the inning with a single. Connor than followed with a soft single to right that sent Scott all the way to third. Marty and Lars picked up the pace of their masturbation, but were not going at it with a lot of urgency. Kevin made the first out by popping up to shortstop and Scott wasn't able to score. Kraig had to go out on deck and Kevin had no problem taking his brother's position as a view blocker. Eric and Gavin, who was the JV call-up for the game, also stood in front of the two boner rallyers. Rodney struck out and now there were two down. Marty and Lars really picked up the pace, their fists pounding on their cocks furiously. Kraig took a strike as the two hands were pistoning up and down the young adolescent cocks. Kraig took ball one and then fouled off the next pitch. The rally was down to its last strike. "Oh, fuck here I cum," Marty announced as his teen cum fired up into the air, the first spurts landing on Chandler's jeans and the rest landing on the floor of the dugout until the last weak spurts dribbled down his cock. The pitcher went into his stretch just as Marty had his orgasm and threw his pitch. Kraig caught all of it and as the hard hit ball sailed into the left field gap Lars shot his much lighter cum, getting most on the floor, but also shooting on the left leg of his uniform pants. The ball landed between the outfielders as the two literal jerk-offs caught their breaths. The end result was a two run double and a 3-2 lead for the Titans. Jerome followed up with a run scoring single, and then Jin, batting for Eric, grounded out to short. The Titans went into the seventh and last inning leading 4-2. Marty and Lars quickly stuffed their cups back into their jocks, closed up their pants and tucked in their shirts. Marty hustled out to play third, satisfied that another boner rally had been successful. Rich came in to close the game. He got all three batters out for an easy 1- 2-3 inning and the Titans would be going into spring break undefeated. The legend of the boner rally now had another chapter as the double cums led to another game winning rally. Chandler looked at the cum Marty had shot on his pants and decided not to wipe it off. He and Korey agreed that next time it would be Korey's turn to block off the view. Every boy on the team had an orgasm sometime after the game and before bed. Lars and Marty jerking their cocks in the dugout had been a huge turn-on even for the straight boys. Danny got off by having Carl, who played in the JV game, fuck him. Rich fucked his little brother, Mikey, Eric and Scott dry-humped, Vince let his nine year old brother jerk him off, Connor jerked himself off, as did Jin. Kevin fucked his twin brother, Kraig, and then Kraig fucked their little brother Korey. Fourteen year old Jerome jerked off, as did ten year old Chandler. Chandler wondered what his dad would do if he knew what was going on in the dugout. Rodney made a few phone calls to try to find himself a girl to lay, but couldn't find one who didn't have her parents around, and finally had to jerk himself off. For those who had sex together, the topic was Lars and Marty. And for the ones jerking off, the fantasy was Lars and Marty, even for Connor, Vince, and Rodney, who saw themselves as the straightest of straight boys. After helping Sylvia Moore, who was in charge of their fundraising, the volunteer parents, and other members of the Go to State Team at the warehouse, Marty and Eric rode to Eric's house with Eric's mom, who was one of the volunteers. Marty was carrying a big box with him, which obviously wasn't very heavy. Eric was quite curious about what was in the box. Eric's mother fixed up some sandwiches, and they munched down a lunch, topped by milk and some crisp Granny Smith apples. "Do you really like those apples?" Marty asked. "I do. They're nice and tart and make my mouth pucker a little. Why, don't you like them?" "I like sweet apples, like Delicious, better. But I like donuts the best." Eric opened up a cookie jar and pulled out some chocolate chip cookies. "Will these do instead?" he asked. Marty grinned and they each took a handful off cookies up to Eric's room. It was the first time Marty had ever been in Eric's room. "Damn, you and Rich," he said. "What about me and Rich?" "You're both neat freaks." "So is Noah." "That is too freaky. I gotta have my mess or I don't feel like I'm at home." "I could empty my trash can on the floor if it makes you feel more comfortable. Or toss my apple core in the corner." "It's cool, dude. Really, I'll survive it in here. If not, I'll undress and throw my clothes on the floor, and then it will totally look like home." "And then you could jerk off and it will feel just like our dugout. I can't believe you've done it twice, now." "It worked both times. And Lars joined me last time. You should join me next." "With my luck that's the time we'd get caught and I'd go to jail for being a perv or something." Marty looked hurt. "Are you calling me a perv?" "No way. Sorry if you thought so. I'm just saying what other people think. Me and Scott got totally off on what you guys did. I mean I was lucky my dick went down going out on the field, because it was totally hurting inside my cup. I probably should have just taken my cup out of my pants—like I really need it at second." "After having that ball almost flatten my nuts, I can tell you that I will never be out on the field without a cup again," Marty said. "I don't care if I'm just out there to rake up the rocks." The boys talked a bit more about the boner rally, both of them sporting hard-ons inside their shorts. "But, I don't think you wanted to talk to me about jerking off in the dugout during games," Eric said. Marty's demeanor changed and his face took on a grave look. "Can we sit together...like on your bed maybe. Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything." Eric patted his bed and Marty moved from the desk chair to the bed. He took the box he brought and sat it next to the bed. "And if you did do something, I doubt I'd have a problem with it. I mean it's not like it would be the first time." "I know," Marty said, "but that's not why I'm here." "Okay." There was a long silence as Eric waited patiently for Marty to continue. "You know I got this problem with alcohol, right?" "It hasn't been a secret, and I've seen you really drunk." "Well, everybody knows I was gone to rehab, but it's like nobody says anything to me about why I was gone." "I guess they don't know what to say. I know I don't. I'm just glad you're not drinking all the time and you're back to being cool again." "Well, one thing I keep being told is that rehab isn't enough. You know, it's like a beginning and I've gotta keep working on shit or I'll drink again." "Can't you maybe learn just to drink a little bit instead of getting wasted?" "I guess I'm an alcoholic and I can't just drink a little. I've been drinking to get a buzz and get drunk since I was ten, and then it got to where that was all I wanted to do. Last year was the total shits; I just wanted to be drunk 24/7." Eric was feeling a little uncomfortable as he wondered why Marty was telling him all of this. He knew there had to be other people he could tell this stuff to. However, he could tell this was important for Marty, so he decided to just keep his mouth shut and listen. "But, I'm not even going to talk about that." Marty bent forward, opened the box and pulled something brown out. It took Eric a moment to realize it was the ragged old Teddy bear he'd seen on the shelf in Marty's bedroom. "I'm going to talk about this." "Your Teddy bear?" Eric had thought it was strange for a teenager to have a Teddy bear when he first saw it, and seeing Marty, now almost a year older, with the bear in his hands didn't change his opinion. Eric had quietly put his away when he was nine or ten. Marty set the bear on the bed between him and Eric. "You're going to talk about your Teddy bear?" Marty blushed and tried not to show his frustration. He was wondering if he had made a mistake in picking Eric as his confidant. Yes, he trusted Eric, and yes, Eric had shown incredible maturity in getting the Go to State Team started, and yes, Eric was a leader on the baseball field, and yes, Eric had been a friend to him through rough times, but, in the end he was still only twelve years old. For the fourteen year old Marty the gap between their ages never loomed larger. For his part, Eric was mad at himself for breaking his promise to keep his mouth shut just seconds after having made the promise. He could see Marty's frustration and decided to try to defuse the tension in the room. He picked up Mortimer and placed it on his lap. "Sorry, Marty. I was just surprised by what was in the box, is all. Go ahead, I won't interrupt any more, I promise." Eric's words helped soothe Marty's aggravation, and seeing Mortimer perched on Eric's lap helped to relax him even more. That gesture alone told Marty that Eric wouldn't laugh at him. "I guess I want to tell you why I still have that worn out old bear. That's Mortimer you've got on your lap and I got him back when I was little, before I even started school. My mom has patched him together once, but he might need some more TLC soon. J.J.'s mom told me she'd give him a complete going over." "Who's J.J?" Eric asked, as he quickly forgot his promise again. "A little kid I know. I'll tell you later." "Oh. Sorry for interrupting." Marty went on without commenting on the interruption. He talked about Mortimer and how he slept with him as a little kid. He talked about being lonely and not having a lot of friends in school. He talked about his dad's drinking and yelling at him a lot. "But he never hit me," Marty said. "At least not until that time you saw me. I guess I deserved it." Eric wanted to tell Marty that nobody ever deserved a bruised face, but he remembered to keep his mouth shut this time. "When I was nine, my brother John got really sick; appendicitis or something. My mom got a girl who lived a couple of houses away to babysit me while they went to the hospital in Centralia. She was like sixteen or something. Anyway, she had weed and got stoned with me watching and she let me smoke some, too. I thought it was nasty but I did get a little high on the two or three puffs I took and I liked that." Damn, Eric thought, he got high when he was only nine...that is so wrong. "Then she got naked and had me get naked and had me touch her in places. I even got on top of her and stuck my little pee pee inside her. My little thing was really hard, I remember. I kinda remember pumping her a few times and then she made me stop. She told me my thing was too small and wasn't making her feel good, so I got off her. We took another hit and that's all I remember until the next morning when I woke up in my bed all naked." Eric wondered what that story had to do with the bear, but again he kept quiet. "I had quit sleeping with Mortimer because I thought I was too old for a Teddy bear, but after that I had him in my bed with me, because the feeling I got from that night was that I wasn't any good, which my dad kept telling me anyway, and I figured Mortimer would think I was good. Funny, that's about as close as I've been to fucking a girl." Marty then went on to tell about being on a recreation baseball team the next year. He told how the coach, who was in his late teens, befriended him. He told Eric how he went to the coach's house for snacks and to watch movies and how eventually he would sit on the couch with him while they were only wearing their underpants. Soon, they wore nothing at all, and finally the coach showed Marty how to suck his dick. Marty was ten when he stared sucking the coach's cock. "Crazy thing was, I liked sucking his dick. I seriously liked it. And right about the same time, my brother John showed me about jacking off and I learned that my pecker could feel good, too. I asked the coach if he could suck me. You know what he told me?" Eric shook his head, no. "He said I was just a little kid and didn't know about sex and having feelings. That he was the coach and I was supposed to make him feel good until I got older. He pretty much said I wasn't a good enough person for him to get off. I mean he didn't say that, but to me that's what he meant. After that, I didn't like going to his house as much. I mean I still liked sucking him, but I wanted something back, even if I didn't know what it was. All he was doing was using me." There was a long pause and Eric waited for Marty to continue. "After that I slept with Mortimer every night. I talked to him and I thought I could hear him tell me I was an okay person. I even humped him with my little wiener a few sometimes. And at school I started doing the crazy sex things everybody knows me for. "The other thing was dad let me have a beer at night and a couple on the weekends. But I'd sneak an extra or two, because I liked the feeling it gave me. When I got buzzed I felt like I was a way better guy. When I got drunk I didn't even care about the bad stuff going on. Before I was done with fifth grade I went to a middle school kegger with Steve, who was in sixth and got totally wasted for the first time. And I totally loved it. And by sixth grade I was smoking weed, too." Eric stayed quiet as Marty gathered his thoughts. Marty went on to tell about his failures with girls, starting as a sixth grader, and how he really liked boys better, but couldn't admit it. He talked about his relationship with Rich and how nasty he ended up being to his then best friend. He talked about blaming everybody for his problems, for his gay thoughts, for everything he did wrong. And he talked about how getting drunk buried all of those problems until getting drunk was all he wanted to do. Marty went on about meeting George Bednarzyck in the park, and about his struggle to stop drinking. "I'm an alcoholic," he said simply. "I'm a gay, teenage, alcoholic. How's that for a combo?" Eric saw the question as an opening to say something. "It's a combo that makes you my friend." He didn't say anything about Marty's confession to being gay. He hoped he'd said the right thing, because he was somewhat confused about why Marty was making this long confession to him. "One of the things I gotta do is make amends to people for the bad things I did to them when I was a drinker. I treated you like shit, not like a friend. I quit on you when you let me and the eighth graders into the Go to State thingie. I'm really sorry for that, and for treating you so bad when you tried to be my friend." Eric wasn't sure what to say, so he simply put his hand over Marty's larger hand and squeezed. "So, you see why I love that friggen bear. He's always been there for me, and you never outgrow that. He don't care if I'm gay or straight, drunk or sober, in a good mood or a shitty mood. He just knows that when I hug him I feel better, because he'll never let me down." He looked into Eric's eyes and said, "You're a good friend. A really good friend. I hope I didn't freak you out too much with what I said." While Eric did feel a little freaked out, it also felt good to have been trusted as much as Marty trusted him. "Not a problem. Everything you said to me is safe. I won't tell anybody, ever." Eric's hand had somehow ended up on Marty's thigh and Marty placed his hand on top of it. "Thanks," he said. "Now I gotta go make amends. Making them to Rich will be the hardest. I mean we don't even talk to each other." "You know, you were able to tell me your story," Eric said. "I know that had to be hard. If you can do that, then you can talk to Rich." "I know. But I hurt him so bad, and I think I loved him. I think I still love him. But my sponsor says some things happen slowly and gotta happen in their own time. I'm scared he'll not want to talk to me or won't accept me after I apologize. But, I guess if that happens everything will still be okay." The two boys talked some more, their joined hands not moving. Eric lifted Mortimer off his lap with his other hand and placed the bear back between them. "I think he misses you," Eric said. "Don't worry, I cleaned all the cum stains off a long time ago." The glint had returned to Marty's eye, letting Eric know that the serious part of the visit was almost over. "I'm glad I trusted you," Marty said. "I wasn't sure at first, but now I'm glad I did. You and Mr. B are the only ones who know I'm gay. Well, Mortimer does, too." What Marty didn't say was that he hadn't told all of his secrets. It would be four more years before he could tell Eric about the key to his dad's gun box. He understood instinctively that at fourteen he was too young to confess what he had thought about doing to himself, and at twelve Eric was too young to know what the key was all about. He also didn't tell Eric about his sexual relationship with Jeffrey, but he didn't see that as a total secret. He suspected that Mr. B. knew he did more than read and sleep when he was in Jeffrey's bed. "Can I kiss you?" Marty asked. Eric nodded and the two engaged in a sudden and deep kiss, their lips locked and their tongues enjoined. They kept their hands together and kissed over what was an immeasurable amount of time, stopping only because they needed the air. "Thanks. You're one of the sexiest dudes I know," Marty said. Both boys were hard and excited. Eric was certain that something was about to happen between the two on his bed. But Marty let go of Eric's hand and stood up. He picked Mortimer up and lovingly set him into the cardboard box. Then Marty showed some of the new maturity he was gaining thanks to over three months of sobriety. "Thanks for the kiss. It was one of the most special kisses ever. But I gotta go before we do more." "You don't want to do more?" "Yeah, I do want to. I got a chub that won't quit. But this isn't the right time. It wouldn't feel right. But, hey, that don't mean I won't want you some other time. I'm always gonna want you, kid." Marty picked up his box and Eric opened the bedroom door. Marty freed a hand and quickly groped Eric's junk. "That's just to let you know I'm not dead or nothing." He started down the stairs and stopped. "Thanks again, kid." Eric told his mom that Marty was ready to go home. Eric and Marty sat in the backseat, their fingers touching until they got to Marty's house. Eric watched Marty carry the box with its precious cargo up the sidewalk to his porch. What he saw was a boy who was a little less lonely than he'd been that morning, and a boy who was a lot less lonely than he had been in a very long time. He remained in the backseat as the car pulled away. He might only be twelve, but he now understood better than anyone why a fourteen year old boy still kept a Teddy bear in an honored place in his room. Next: Commitments