Author's Note: Ricky gets a taste of some of the pain and suffering that goes with being gay. He does not take it like a bitch. Things get real. You have been warned about Ricky's "mean streak."

In addition to the introduction of one of the main characters, we have a bit of steamy hetero sex. This is not the only time boys and girls fuck in this story either. Sorry, but I'm not sorry.

Part Three: Collin

The Balrog

Before Ricky had all the fine times with his father and brother, he had been frustrated by all the secrets and mystery surrounding the divorce, his father's alienation, and the "lost years," as Ricky thought of them. He decided to have it out with his dad. It was time for "the talk."

He did that the first evening of the first day his father had arrived.

First, he came out to his dad.

It was just Ricky and his father; Patrick was still sequestered. They were eating steaks, mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob — one of his father's favorite meals.

Ricky had cooked. His dad liked his steaks far too well done, in Ricky's snobby opinion, but he still knew how to make them just the way his dad liked. Ricky obliged even unto making sure there was A1 sauce, which disgusted Ricky. His dad even put ketchup on his potatoes! Blech!

He personally liked his steaks so rare they mooed. But this also disgusted his father, yet their mutual disgust for each other's taste amused them both. It was like that with his dad. Their disagreements with each other were a source of amusement. This was the way of strong, self-confident personas.

As they were finishing, Ricky told him he had made a pie.

"A pie? Nice! My! You have become quite the cook, Ricky Boy."

"Uh huh! With wild apples I picked myself. I learned this summer. Earlier, I had a friend named Joshua. His mom showed me. And, may I add, had you been a part of my life, you would know all sorts of great things about me."

Ricky said the last cheerfully and entirely without rancor. It was, in his opinion, merely a fact.

"Oh damn," his father said wryly. "Here we go."

"No Dad. It's not like that," Ricky told him as he served them both a couple of slices. "Anyway, it's a 'peasant' pie. You wrap the crust all around. No pie dish! Not really pretty. Mine, anyway. Hers? I don't know how she does it, but you'll like it!"

His dad was mollified. He joked, "You'll make a good wife some day, Ricky!"

"Well Dad," Ricky transitioned with, to his perception, an unexpected calm, "it's funny you say that, and I don't know if you've already figured this out, but I'm gay."

His father did not miss his next bite, but his eyes narrowed. He looked at Ricky to see if he was kidding. Ricky kidded with him all the time.

Then his dad said, "You're fucking shitting me!"

Ricky's father did not eschew profanity around him. He was a navy man, and sailors swear.

"No, Dad. I'm not kidding."

He took a bite and chewed.

He sat down and rested his elbow on the table — against the rules, and he rested his chin in the palm of his hand, and he stared at his father. Except for the eyes, they did not look much alike. It was Patrick who had his look.

His dad chewed. He stared back.

Finally he said, "Have you told your mother?"

"Yes. She knows she can't out me just to show how cool she is because she loves her gay son."

His father laughed. He knew his ex-wife.

Then he nodded. He said, "I have a lot of questions, Ricky. I bet you can guess them. I'll bet you have thought of that. I'll bet you have planned what you will say, or want to say, little Mister Encyclopedia Boy, so how about I shut up and you talk?"

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Ricky."

He waited.

Ricky said, "Well, I did not think you would say, 'You're fucking shitting me!' So before I talk, could you resolve this mystery?"

His father smiled.

"Yes?"

"No. You talk. Dad. You talk!"

"OK then, honestly? I just never figured you for gay. You were just all boy. Tough. Physical. Full of action. Not passive. Aggressive. And even when you were little, you drove the girls crazy, and you obviously enjoyed them."

"Huh," Ricky grunted. "OK. Fair enough. But Mom knew."

"Did she?".

"Yeah. So she says. It may have been only a strong suspicion, but anyway; I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. She said something interesting. She said she remembered an argument I had with her when I was four or five or something. You and her were still together. I remember this, actually. We were sitting at the kitchen table at our house on Arthur Lane. You were at work, I guess. It was the middle of the day. I had just had lunch, and I was pondering the difference between the words 'beautiful' and 'handsome.' You know how kids try to make sense of these things, these nuances of meaning?"

"Yes. Some kids more than others, but go on."

"So I was wondering why we said girls were 'beautiful' and boys were 'handsome,' and she said, basically, that they were the same words, one for boys and one for girls, and I disagreed. I remember this very, very clearly, for it seemed to me that 'beautiful' was a much more powerful word than 'handsome.'

"And I was right, wasn't I?"

"Yes. You were right."

"So I said to her, 'Well I think boys can be beautiful too!'"

"What did she say?"

"She said that was OK for me to think that, but... uh, I'm trying to remember how she suggested that I use 'handsome' for boys and 'beautiful' for girls. I don't remember! Oh! Yes I do! She said that was how other people used the words, and I got the message.

"After that I was saying, 'He's a handsome boy!' when I saw a boy I liked, but in my mind I meant 'beautiful.' And I would intone the word 'handsome' in, well, a gay way!

"So? See? She had a pretty strong hint!"

"Yes. She did. Interesting. So? Go on?"

"But honestly, Dad? In my child's mind I never made any connection between the beauty of boys, and, later, older boys, and, later quite grown up boys, and sex!

"It was more like a light I was drawn to. I liked the color is all. It was innocent. It was pure."

"Yes, Kiddo, I do understand."

Ricky saw that his father was mesmerized.

He rushed on to the edgy next part, but it had to be done. He said, "So I suppose that answers the question: 'Are you sure?' And maybe answers the question of: 'How do you know?' And I don't think you were, or... are asking those question in your mind, so I'll just get to the next part: Yes. I have had sex. I have had totally gay sex. Anal. Oral. All that. With three guys er, four, and, in case you are wondering, one guy, the second guy, who was older and pretty experienced? He said I was a 'versatile.' He said that was a word that gay guys understood."

His dad had looked a bit uncomfortable then. He said, "Actually, I was not going to prod you about that, but now that you've told me, I suppose I should thank you for trusting me."

"I never told Mom all that last. Only you."

"But then, I'm gay."

"Yeah, dad. You're gay. And we have our little code between us, huh?"

Ricky had just stared at his father, who said, "You're forgetting another, obvious question."

Ricky cast his mind about, but he was so purged, he could no longer think, so he said, "I'm used up, Dad. My mind is fried. What?"

"Did you use protection?"

"Oh! Well, uh, not so much with the first, and then with the second? Always. Except I hear that there's not much risk in fellatio, but he even shined a flashlight in my mouth to check for open sores or cuts!"

"Good for him!" his father said.

Then his father sighed. "This is all a bit much, Ricky."

"Yeah. I know. But?"

"But OK. I'm happy for you. Now you can live with the truth instead of hide in a lie."

"Exactly. That is my feeling, but since you bring it up?"

"Yes, Ricky. You are wondering why did I marry your mom?"

"Yes, Dad."

"I wanted to be married. I wanted to have a family. I wanted to have children. I wanted those things more than anything. That is the truth, Ricky. Can you understand that?"

"Yes, Dad. I can understand that. But having a wife, a woman, with your children, and fooling around with guys, in secret, on the side, was... uh, A SHITTY FUCKING THING TO DO! I am very angry with you, you know. This has been burning inside me for a long time. It has been way past time I confronted you, and now, you must account for yourself."

His father was silent for a long time, but finally, he said, "Yes, my beautiful boy, it was a 'shitty fucking thing to do.' But in my own defense, may I say, that was another time, and things were different, to be gay was to be worse than dead, and you, my magnificent son, benefit from the victories of the battles we fought?"

"Sure. OK. But I still don't understand why you just dropped out of our lives. I would never do that with any son of mine."

"There was a restraining order, Ricky. You know that."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Everyone says it's because it was because how you got arrested for drunk driving when I was with you right after the divorce."

"Yes. I did ninety days over that, and one of the conditions of my probation was AA and treatment, but of course I fucked that up."

His father was matter-of-fact about all this.

"I don't understand why you say, 'of course.'"

"You remember when we read The Little Prince together?"

"Yes. I was so happy to show you how I could read it."

"You remember one of the characters? The 'Tipler?'"

"Yeah. I had to ask you what that meant. You said it meant a guy who drank and could not stop. In the story, he drinks to forget he is drinking. He is a pathetic character."

"Well, there you have it, Ricky. It's not rational. But I can tell you that part of my program is to make up the damage I have caused others."

Ricky bit his lower lip. The tears came into his eyes. He said, "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Ricky."

They did not hug. His dad was not the huggy type.

Later though, when Ricky was readying to leave for bed, he said, "Dad?"

"Yes Ricky?"

His father was standing in the doorway to his bedroom. Ricky walked to him. He did not really hug him; he leaned into him, standing close, his head on his shoulder. His father reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, it was a sweet gesture, right at the edge of sensual, but not overly so. OK for a father to touch a son that way.

Ricky then slipped his arms around his father's waist.

"Good night Dad. I'll see you tomorrow," Ricky said, moving off.

As the next few days went by, Ricky and his dad unfolded before each other more and more, little by little.

Ricky got his cell phone. His dad had found a deal on a refurbished iPhone, very cool! And Ricky got an unlimited plan with it. Ricky also talked his dad into getting a Game Boy for Patrick.

Ricky was finally able to text Joshua and Ryan. He was also able to make a Facebook page.

Josh was quite proud of the number of "friends" he had, and he helped Ricky with that.

But Ricky started calling them "phrends." That was his code word for "phony friends." Even the people he did know, from high school, hardly talked to him at school. But there were a couple, here and there, who actually seemed to be pretty cool.

He was starting to get a little computer savvy. His dad helped him too, for his dad used computers a lot in his work. Ricky also got another camera. His dad was very hip to that stuff. Even his old cameras were wicked cool, but this was not an old camera and was excellent. His father needed cameras with built-in wifi, saying "he made money that way by being able to upload straight from his camera in the field." So he gave Ricky one of his older ones that did not have that.

The first night he had his laptop, he texted Josh who immediately got him to install secure v-chat software. Already, Josh was "way past Skype." Josh was then going on about "free software" and "non-proprietary protocols." Ricky did not understand what Josh was talking about, but he liked Joshua's passion about it, and he promised to do the things his friend said. It was tremendous fun to finally be able to see his best buddy. They laughed and talked and laughed and talked far into the night like a couple of kids giddy with their first sleepover.

Thus, there were many happy things in Ricky's life. However, the idyll with his father and brother came to an abrupt end with the arrival of his father's boyfriend, James. With James came his son Jason, hardly more than a walking sneer, and with James, also, came Collin.

Patrick, who had been being a pretty cool little brother for a change, reverted to his old self, whining and complaining about his Game Boy. Jason had told him how much it sucked and how there was some other Ziptendo Gee Whiz Thingy that was so much better, and Patrick, typical Patrick, "lost" his Game Boy one day.

Also, finally, Ricky's mom had gone home. Patrick had started staying in the Boone cabin in the boy's tent with Jason in the back.

Ricky had no interest in the communal thing. He persuaded his father to let him stay in the gazebo by simply explaining that is he had to spend a single night with the 'brats,' they would be getting their snotty asses repeatedly kicked. He could not stand to room with that little shit Jason obsessively playing with some electronic device half the night and his grotesquely snoring brother.

Also, It was Jason who instigated the fight between Ricky and Collin.

That happened in a roundabout way, and it took a while to manifest.

Jason's father, James, was a big, tall Scandinavian looking guy. His curly blonde hair was short, and his skin was very tan. He had kind, smiling eyes. Ricky liked him fine. He thought he was hot, actually. He even told him so, saying, "My dad scored with you, man!"

He supposed that James was trying to be nice to Ricky and to ingratiate himself with him, but after that comment, he and James were buddies.

Jason was thirteen, but he looked younger. He was skinny with shortish pale hair. Ricky supposed he was rather cute, but his constant pouty resentment made him instantly unlikable. The kid, as far as Ricky could hear, never, ever, ever talked about anything but video games!

He did not want to go swimming. He did not want to see the river. He did not want to lay out in the sun. He did want to meet other kids unless he suspected they had better gaming systems and faster internet at their cabin.

He and Ricky had argued the first day. James had brought up one of his dad's older MacBooks for Ricky. It looked brand new to Ricky, but his dad was a tech junky, so Ricky had gotten it because his dad had a newer, lighter, smaller, faster model. Jason had wanted to use Ricky's computer to get online to play some game, and Ricky had told him that he was not, ever, under any conditions to use his computer. It was off limits. Period!

He said this right in front of the two men.

Jason had then proceeded to have a tantrum, whining to his dad, saying, "You said there was internet. You said they had an XBox 360 and a Playstation III. You said they had lots of games, but it's just an old XBox and Playstation II, and he won't let me get on the internet. You promised. This vacation is terrible!"

Jason had then played with another of his game devices. It was a Game Boy, Ricky thought, but when Ricky used the term "Game Boy", Jason had rolled his eyes like Ricky was an idiot and sneered something about a "Whackadoodle B52H" something or other. They were all the same thing to Ricky, a stupid waste of time for feeble-bodied, weak-minded, fools.

On the other hand, Jason was very neat. He made his bed. He showered regularly. He kept his clothes neat. He was also fairly nice to Patrick who even started making his bed!

So Jason was not all bad.

But...

Collin. Fucking Collin.

It had long been pre-arranged. James lived not far from Collin who had moved somewhat distantly away from Ricky the previous year.

Collin had changed!

The terrible thing for Ricky was that he and Collin had been such good friends!

When they had met, in seventh grade, Collin had been a small guy. He had been made fun of by the other kids because he had written "Jesus" and some scripture on his b-ball shoes with a felt tip marker.

Collin was a spectacularly beautiful boy then. He looked, to Ricky, like a little angel with his soft. golden hair with the prettiest light brown, long-lashed eyes and sensual, pouty lips. He was smaller than Ricky, and he remained smaller. But he was physically strong and muscular.

He had only grown more ravishing as he matured. He drove Ricky wild with his beauty. One truly rare feature was that Collin had golden brown eyes, but he was, like Ricky, a natural blond. In the showers at the end of PE, Ricky saw, Collin was in a similar state of development, or, rather, lack of it.

Collin had a tiny little dick at that age. Circumcised, it looked like an acorn. But it was on the thick side. Not skinny. Ricky actually thought Collin's dick was pretty, even then.

He was small, but he had a studly physique.

Ricky had first got Collin talking by asking him about his shoes. Collin had looked at them and smiled. He was proud of his shoes. He didn't care if the other guys gave him shit about loving Jesus.

This impressed Ricky. Collin was brave. Collin had dignity. Ricky told him that he was a Christian too, and he offered to walk home with him.

They had become instant friends.

Collin, like Ricky, was also the total outdoorsy type. For this reason, they remained friends. Ricky also liked Collin's parents, particularly his mom who, in her turn, liked Ricky.

Collin, like Ricky, was also into guns.

At first, it was just BB guns. They spent a lot of time in the fields around their houses where they lived, at the edge of town where the orchards began. Ricky had his own BB gun, but he kept it at Collin's house so Patrick couldn't get at it. Together, they murdered many of God's creatures.

City people did not understand that all those pretty little song birds were hated by fruit growers, whose very fruit artificially inflated the population. Farmers in Ricky's home town did not mind if boys went into their fields to shoot songbirds. Older boys had 22s, and they shot rabbits, squirrels, rats, and mice. These were all enemies of farmers. Older kids had more powerful weapons, and if they raised livestock, they shot coyotes.

Hawks were absolutely off limits. Hawks were the farmer's allies, and they were considered good luck while shooting them was, conversely, bad luck.

All that aside, in winter time, they would dress up in heavy jackets and pants with long underwear underneath, wearing gloves, hats, and a scarf around their faces. Armored thus, they had BB gun wars with the other kids. Ricky and Collin both had extremely fierce natures. They also shared this characteristic.

The parents hated the BB gun wars, so naturally, they lied about that part of their lives. There was always the story about the kid who got shot in the eye, and the BB rolled around in there still. Ricky wore safety glasses. He rarely got shot, but he often shot the shit out of others. He liked to aim for the legs because it would really sting, and, best of all, the butt when they ran away. Not only did nail them good in an embarrassing way, the wound was doubly shameful for it could only be received by a retreating foe.

Ricky and Collin often camped together in forts they made, spending weekends away from home, on their own. They were tough, country kids. The kind, who when they grew up, adapt to soldiery and war very easily.

Collin and Ricky were two of a kind. Best friends. Almost inseparable. There was never a trace of anything hinky between them. Ricky never tried to get Collin naked like he did with his other friends, for example. He just knew Collin would not go for it.

Collin even liked to read books, like Ricky. He was smart, and he was philosophic. He thought about the meaning of life and death. They would talk and talk into the night as they stayed at each other's houses.

Then, just before the first year of high school, Collin's dad had started a new business, and they had moved. Ricky would still visit, spending a couple of nights. They still did the things they liked, but Collin was even then starting to change. He had started espousing very conservative politics, supporting politicians who Ricky thought were complete dicks. He had gotten another close friend, who, along with Collin, was quite interested in girls. Both he and Collin would often drop sneering references to "fags," "queers," and "homos."

Ricky's intuition should have warned him, but he still loved Collin, and Collin still made him laugh and showed kindness, so Ricky had tried to maintain the friendship. He had invited Collin up to the cabin a long, long time before.

However, until the day he arrived, Ricky had not seen Collin in nine months.

First, Ricky was stunned by the change in Collin's appearance when he stepped out of James's car. He had grown! He was still not as tall as Ricky, and probably never would be, but he had put on a lot of muscle. He always had a wrestler's sturdy body, and he was lean enough to be a gymnast, but he had really gotten shapely in the nine months Ricky had not seen him. His voice had changed too. He'd gone from pubescent to adolescent, and Ricky was slain by his new beauty, far outshining any previous cuteness.

Collin had been wearing a tank top when he arrived. He had, it seemed to Ricky, purposely scratched his head to show that he had armpit hair. His eyebrows were much darker too. His hair was still golden, but judging by his eyebrows, it would probably turn much darker. And those eyes!

Collin's light, golden brown eyes were surmounted by the longest lashes. His jaw had grown crisp. But his lips still had that same, lush, poutyness without being fem.

Ricky was devastated by Collin's new glory. River was grouped in with Ricky's "type," but Collin was it! He was "the kind."

Collin had greeted Ricky in a friendly enough way. Ricky had shown him around the place, telling him they could stay in the back area where Patrick and Jason always were or in the gazebo.

Ricky had fixed the place up, he had his computer, and, because his dad had set up a "repeater," he even had wifi!

Collin liked the gazebo.

But Collin immediately wanted to know where the girls were. That was almost the first thing he asked about. Even as they were unloading the van, he said, "So how do you meet the girls here? I saw some on the road by the bridge. You say you know everyone?"

"Sure. I'll introduce you," Ricky said. There was no avoiding it, after all.

"We all hang out at the beach. There's rocks there that the teenagers hang out on away from the adults and the little kids, and theirs lots and lots of pretty girls in bikinis. And yes, I know them all."

"So who's your girlfriend?"

"I don't have one. Me and Debbie broke up, and my friend Diane left weeks ago. She wasn't really my girlfriend but we hung out a lot. She's eighteen and so fucking beautiful! Really nice ones!" Ricky said this as he hefted imaginary boobs.

Collin grinned happily. He accepted this information.

Ricky said, "I was really looking forward to going hunting with you. There's lots of squirrels and coyotes on the mountain behind us, and it's Forest Service land. Safe and legal and all that. You did bring your 22, right?"

"Of course! Yeah. Let's do that. But how about we get in our swimsuits and go to the beach, huh?"

"Sure."

Collin, Ricky saw, seemed to make a point of changing in front of him. He had changed that way as well. Collin would rarely change his clothes in front of Ricky. In the showers, at school, he had to, but given a choice, he would not. Even camping, Collin would be shy about that.

But there he was, fully naked, not even rushing, holding up his long trunks, frowning, and saying, "I should have cut-off the tags. I hate the way they rub against me."

He sure had pubic hair! It was a nice patch, and dark brown, and his dick was quite grown. Gone was the little acorn. In its place was a rather thick if not very long young man's cock above a pair of solid balls.

His physique was gorgeous. Collin had been a pretty little boy, but now, he was a beautiful young man.

Ricky, like pretty much all gay boys, had early learned the art of checking dudes out without being obvious.

"Yeah, Collin," Ricky said, "I have my Swiss Army knife. It has scissors."

Ricky dug into his backpack where he kept it.

When he handed the knife to Collin, his friend said, "You know, for a second there, it looked like you were checking me out."

Ricky smiled benignly, he said, "I was checking you out. You never used to change in front of me. Nice to see you're not a fucking coward about showing you wee wee, and nice to see your balls have finally dropped."

Collin laughed, "That was really fucking faggy of you to say."

There was just a hint of sneer in Collin's tone, so Ricky flashed back, "Well, I see that hasn't changed, still dreadfully anxious to prove you're straight. I guess you still do have some maturing to do." Ricky undressed himself, getting into his swim shorts.

Collin ignoring the slight, returned, "What's with the little shorts?"

Ricky retorted, "What's with going around in giant pajama bottoms like a circus clown?"

Ryan had told Ricky that the reason guys did all the razzing about sexuality was because they themselves were unsure of it. The best course of action was to just make snappy comebacks and ride out the period. It only lasted a few years; that is, unless they grew up in denial, or crazy.

But Ricky was pissed. He had learned that he did not have to take shit from anyone, and he was not about to take any from Collin. Better Collin got the message sooner than later. Yet Collin had already started in on what what was to be an incessant stream of "queer this," or "fag that."

Ricky did not wait for him. Walking off, he said, "The beach is this way."

This is a disaster! Why did I invite this asshole up here?

He laughed when Collin hopped and skipped on the gravel going, "Ow! Shit! You didn't tell me I'd need sandals!"

Ricky wasn't wearing any. He smiled evilly and said, "You don't."

He turned and walked away. Collin was silent behind him.

Collin became quite animated when he saw the girls.

Ricky did know them all. He wasn't lying about that. He introduced Collin, and Collin had an instant circle around him. If Ricky had not been so jealous, he would have thought it was funny, and he would have been happy for Collin.

Had Ricky been interested in girls the same way Collin was, they would have probably continued to remain friends.

As it was, Ricky's rage turned to sadness

There he was, but Ricky may as well have been alone. Ricky dove into the water. He swam around and around the swimming hole. He swam and swam. He swam until he was breathless and aching.

When he emerged, the pack of girls around Collin had dispersed somewhat, for Collin had made his choice: his cousin Susie.

Score one for Susie, minus one for Collin. The fool.

Ricky knew her moves. She had made her choice too. Susie always got the best looking boys. She was, after all, stunningly beautiful, and she could be quite charming.

After River, Susie had been withdrawn. She had found herself ostracized. He began to see her not as a bitch, but as a weak person. Cowardly. Yet, he remembered that day he had left his clothes in the washer, forgotten, after enduring her snotty insults. He had expected to find his clothes in a wet pile on the concrete. She had not really said anything to suggest that she was in a forgiving mood, but when Ricky had gone to retrieve his laundry, he had found his clothes very neatly sorted and folded.

He was so touched, his eyes had watered. This was Susie's way of saying, "Apology accepted." There was a genuinely nice girl hiding inside of her. Ricky was certain of that.

Seeing her with Collin, however, was not helping Ricky's good intentions.

On the second day, in the afternoon, Ricky was reading in his gazebo. His dad was working on the computer. James had driven somewhere, shopping, Ricky supposed. He had taken Patrick and Jason. Ricky was a little sunburned, so he was taking a day off and just lazing around. He had no idea where Collin was, and he didn't care. He regretted inviting him yet again. He was hating Collin. Growing hair around his dick had not turned him into a man; it had turned him into a prick.

The night before, all his bragging about how he was going to "bang" Susie had just sickened him. He had nothing positive to say about any qualities she may have had other than she looked like she had a "tight pussy" and "hot tits."

Ricky retreated into his tasks.

First, he texted Joshua, but Joshua did not respond. He had many questions about setting up the encryption software Josh wanted him to use. He had immediately set up an email account that allowed "end-to-end encryption," as Josh said, and Josh had already sent him a video he'd put together. It was the one mix he had put together — a crazy melange of short scenes from their many longer sessions. Joshua had made it to show off his editing skills, and he wanted Ricky to come up with some "really grungy, thumping music" for it. Ricky wanted to set everything up the way his friend suggested, but he was out of his depth.

He decided to read, but he could not concentrate. He played his guitar, but that made him sad because Collin was not interested in hearing him play. He pulled out a comic. The bright images and intense actions did help, but not much. He put on his headphones and listened to some of the moody Rachmaninoff piano concertos he loved. He had just learned how to put music on his phone. Music always worked. In this way he enjoyed the peace and beauty of Sweetwater Falls. Laying back, he studied the interlocking patterns of the maple leaves above and to the side, like a million hands.

Still, he felt dark and lonely. He brightened when he saw Jackie coming up the path. This was good. She and he had become good buddies. So there was that. He could have some pleasant company. He turned off his music and took off his headphones. She asked if she could hang out with him.

"Sure. You wanna read comics?"

"Yeah. We could do that," she said, but not enthusiastically.

Ricky thought he might have read her mood, so he took a stab at it. "Something on your mind?"

She sighed. She looked at Ricky in a sad way. She said, "It's Susie. She worries me sometimes. She's a... She's a bit of a tramp!"

Jackie then elaborated that Susie had had a lot more sex than she had let on before. No one knew this but Jackie, for Susie was clever about hiding it from her parents. Jackie was not easy to fool, so Susie had gotten her cooperation. By this means, Ricky surmised, she earned a lot of favors and perks from Susie.

Ricky was concerned that Jackie had crossed a line by telling Ricky all this. He told her so.

Jackie sighed. "I know. But you won't tell, will you?"

"No."

She added, "And I just hate having to lie for her. I'm tired of covering for her."

"Me too. But what are we to do sometimes?"

Jackie sighed. She said, "Susie asked me to leave her and Collin alone. She's with him right now. He seems to be ignoring you. I thought you should know."

Try as he might, Ricky could not manage the jealousy that pierced him.

"Right now?" He asked, heart thudding.

"Yes. Right now," she answered, her face sad.

"They're doing it?" Ricky asked, shaking.

"Probably," she answered, looking concerned.

"Your face!" She exclaimed. "What's happening to you?"

Ricky did not answer that question; instead, he said, "I'm finding out!"

"You can't go in there, Ricky!"

"I won't Jackie. They won't see me. I know a way. Follow me. Let's spy on them! You wanna?"

He made Jackie giggle. She was down.

Ricky leapt into action, Jackie followed. He led her up the hill to a secret path he had made long ago.

He was always doing that. As a child, he would imagine they were being attacked by some enemy, or there was a fire, or a flood, and he had to lead the children to safety. Years before, he had made a path between the two cabins high on the hill, quite hidden and not obvious from either end.

The old cabin, the big one, was dug into the steep hill. The downstairs walls were all of stone, though plastered on the inside, and it was always cool there in the summer but fairly warm in the winter.

There were many windows on the front, but the side had less. The slope of the hill covered the lower part of the wall. Above this was a triangular shaped area, and inset in that wall were many small panes of glass. There was a great deal of firewood stored there. This was the green wood which would be used the following year.

The downstairs area was shaded all around by the wide deck. Ricky had discovered that due to the darkness of the side, the smallness of the windows, and the odd openings in the woodpile, he could look into this room without being observed. He had discovered this by accident, not meaning to spy, but he had seen one of Susie's friends undressing and was astonished that she had so much pubic hair.

He had never spied again.

But he had kept the method in mind.

Today, he would use his secret knowledge. He would spy on Susie and Collin.

Jackie was giggling as Ricky made his way down the bank near the side of the great cabin. He shushed her, and with a hand, bid her to wait.

Carefully, catlike, in little pounces, he made his way to the uppermost part of the triangle.

Ricky knew that the sides of the eyes are attracted by motion, so he assumed a stable position below the wood pile and slowly, slowly eased his head up.

He had a perfect view of the big bed.

Collin was fucking Susie on her back. He was on top, between her legs. They were both completely nude. Susie had her legs up, and Collin was holding himself up by his arms, looking down at her.

His dazzling ass clenched and unclenched as he slammed her hard and fast! He made her bounce around. He could just barely hear Collin's throaty laugh, but he could easily hear her excited giggles and squeals.

They were having very intense sex!

Ricky felt faint. He felt crazed with lust for Collin, and he was enraged with jealousy. His eyes watered, and his cock grew stiff. He could not tear his eyes away.

Then, suddenly, Collin was off her. He moved to the side. Ricky clearly saw his splendid erection, nice and thick, not as long as Ricky's, and not quite as fat as Ryan's. To Ricky it was perfect! It was an elegant penis.

The shapely head was flaming pink and wet with pussy juice. Ricky had to lick his lips. Behind him, Jackie was whispering, "What? What are they doing?"

Ricky was too hypnotized to answer. He watched Collin lift her up and get behind her. They were both on their knees. They had turned sideways a bit on the bed. Was he going to fuck her ass?

No! Her eyes closed, she arched her back and reached down between her legs to guide him into her pussy. She had a hairy cunt! Her breasts were beautiful, and she had big nipples.

He watched Collin's gorgeous cock plunge in and out in short, excited strokes as he reached forward with one hand to play with her pussy. This, evidently drove her wild, for she hopped up and down in frenzy.

Collin was kissing her neck.

Ricky knew a good lover when he saw one. Collin was quite the lover!

He saw Collin's dick pop out, and both he and Susie laughed.

Then Collin pushed her forward. She landed on her hands and threw her head around, her long hair flying wildly.

Collin then pounded her so hard Ricky could hear the wet sounds. He had his head back and his eyes closed. He reminded Ricky of Joshua when he was really, really enjoying the fucking he was doing. Collin was trying to come.

And when he did, he jerked spasmodically, making Susie cry out.

Collin slipped out and flopped back. He raised and arm and covered his forehead with the back of his forearm. Susie, as she crossed over him, leaned down to kiss him. He heard her say something, but he could not tell what she said. Collin kissed her perfunctorily back. His whole mien was, "Yeah. That's right. I'm good."

She flounced over to the bathroom. Collin had one leg up then, the one away from Ricky. Collin's cock, still long and fat, flopped wetly across the other thigh.

Ricky had seen enough.

He lowered his head. He snuck back up the hill. Jackie was only a few feet away. He held a finger to his lips. He tossed his head, indicating they should return the way they came.

When they were far enough away, Jackie asked, "What did you see?"

"They were definitely fucking," Ricky confided.

Jackie laughed conspiratorially. She looked down at Ricky's crotch and laughed.

Ricky blushed. He admitted, "It was some pretty hot, porn, Jackie! Have mercy!"

Jackie grinned.

Yeah. She's cool.

"And you know, Jackie?" he added, "It's not really any of our business. I'm not gonna say anything. This should just stay between us?"

"Yeah. Do you feel guilty for spying?"

"Yes. I feel kinda sick," Ricky answered, truthfully.

"Do you wish you hadn't?" She asked.

"Not really," Ricky admitted.

"See, Ricky? I knew you were a bad boy," she chided.

"Hey, Jackie," Ricky said, changing the subject, "Maybe your dad will let us go shoot 22s together, seeing as how my best buddy's not interested in hanging out with me."

"Oh that would be fun! I'll ask!"

Ricky was curious to see if Collin would brag about fucking Ricky's cousin, but he did not.

Ricky asked, "So you and Susie seem to be getting along well?"

Collin, evidently, was playing it cool. He was done bragging. He said, nonchalantly, "Yeah. She's cute. We're kinda goin' steady. It's a summer thing. We talked about that. Are you OK with that?"

Ricky made a mental note: Bragging Collin equals "full of shit"; quiet Collin equals "don't ask, don't tell."

"That's between you and her, man. But I'm glad you found someone you liked. I told you? Didn't I?"

"You did. And thanks. I know we haven't been hanging out much, but I'm kinda girl crazy. Why don't you hit on Camille? She's haaawwt! And she likes you."

The way he said it — "hawt". That was such a Collin expression. It was done with a Jersey accent. Ricky could not quite imitate it. "I'm not really interested in Camille. She's too young."

"She's fifteen, dude!"

"Like I said."

Ricky really wanted to come out to Collin. Just so he wouldn't have to fake it any more, but Collin, he knew, was seriously homophobic. Collin, though he had really gotten off the Jesus Freak thing of his earlier innocence, had been raised in Fundamentalist churches, just like Ricky.

Collin made no secret of it.

He hated fags.

For this reason, that night, things blew up.

It was Collin's comment about Ricky's dad that drove Ricky insane.

They were settling down to bed. Collin was laying on his side on top of his sleeping bag on the bench. Typically, he was wearing only his tight, white jockey shorts. This pretty much drove Ricky mad, for Collin looked super-model hot in them. He had such nice, hefty balls, and that thick prick, even when soft made such a lovely shape as it lay flicked to the side. Collin, beautiful in so many ways, also had possibly the most exquisitely shapely legs a guy could have.

Ricky had taken the floor so he could access the other bench within which were his books and computer. He had a book in his lap. This hid the near constant erection that Collin gave him.

Collin said, suddenly, "You never told me your dad was a fag."

Ricky thought he heard the sound of battle drums, but it was only the blood crashing in his ears.

He knew Collin's opinion, but he was very disappointed that Collin could be so insensitive ad so rude as to insult the father of one who had been a good and loyal friend.

Collin had not just crossed a line. He had leapt over it and pissed on the other side!

Ricky, with eerie calml, said, "Where'd you hear that?"

"Jason told me. He said your dad and his dad were boy friends. That is so fucking gross! How can you stand it?"

Ricky had a name for the Burning Dark One who lived in his soul. He called him The Balrog.

The Balrog was very dangerous.

He had no sense of consequence and no mercy.

Ricky, when he thought about, had a secret. A part of him liked this raging aspect of himself. The Balrog knew neither fear nor pain.

But it was not his other personality who said, coldly, "I can't believe you just said that, Collin."

The Balrog had not spoken. But He was listening. He had awoken. Collin had been warned.

Collin, evidently, did not sense the danger he was in, for he said, "Well, he is, isn't he?"

Keeping his voice level, Ricky said, "Dude. You just called my dad a fag."

Collin lay back and lazily said, looking up at the roof of the gazebo, "Fag, queer, homo, fudge packer, rump ranger, ass cowboy, cock sucker, dick smoker, whatever! It's all the same!"

The Balrog shook off the chains of darkness which bound him. As black smoke, he roiled up and around Ricky. Fifteen feet tall, his eyes were red coals. He was not at the stage where he breathed fire, but his talons emerged.

The Balrog had awoken, and He was coalescing.

Collin did not know that his very life was in danger.

"Collin," Ricky hissed, "You have crossed a dangerous line. You must NOT speak ill of my father that way!"

Ricky breathed deep. He was not really trying to rein in the beast any more; rather, he was getting oxygen into his muscles.

He was getting ready to attack.

His wrath was coursing through him like beautiful fire. His hands and feet grew hot. He had an erection. It was a rage erection. He got those. Anyone who has had one understands. Those who have not, cannot know.

Ricky moved to his knees. He lifted up one leg to place a foot on the floor. He braced his other foot against the side of the bench. His shoulders, rolled. His hands formed claws, poised. But he did this casually, like he was merely shifting position.

He warned Collin.

Honor required this.

He whispered, "I will give you One. Last. Chance. To take it back, Collin. One chance."

Ricky could almost feel flames from his nostrils. This ignited his corona of deadly fire.

Collin rolled his head to the side and contemptuously snorted. He said, "Oh, what'cha gonna do Ricky?"

Taunting him? Now?

There was yet one last vestige of civility left in Ricky. No longer quite polite, but it gave Collin one last chance to recognize the severity of his offense. Ricky hissed, "I swear to you, Collin, upon our friendship, you will apologize, or I will severely fuck you up."

"Oh," Collin snorted contemptuously, "I'd like to see you try that!"

The Balrog spoke His first Word, and that Word was was enunciated without a sound.

From a distance, Ricky saw himself slam into Collin so hard, Collin was slammed into the slats of the railing.

Ricky saw himself pick Collin up and throw him over the railing.

He followed this by a fast hop over the railing, landing on Collin with his knees, making him oomph with the outward rush of air.

Ricky watched The Balrog beat Collin severely in the face. His fists pounded into the other boy like a rock crusher. But this was done with calculated precision. He punched each eye, individually. He smashed his nose, and He busted his lips. He stopped short of breaking Collin's jaw. And seeing the splendor of his Creation, He knew it was Good.

Collin, though unable to breath by the blow to the solar plexus from Ricky's knees, tried to defend himself. He raised his arms. He tried to roll away. But the demon who possessed Ricky held him with his legs and smashed through his defense, hitting Collin's hands and arms so hard that they smacked his face. Collin was beaten by his own arms and hands, as useless for protection as they would have been in were he hit by a train.

Ricky came back into his body when Collin stopped moving. Collin lay there, hiccuping in little gasps. His face was a pulverized, bloody, mess.

Ricky noticed that his own nose was dripping. He was still astraddle Collin. He reached up thinking to wipe a bit of snot away, but it was blood. Ricky had no idea how he had got a nose bleed. But he almost always got one when he fought. It was the excitement, Ricky presumed.

And then, just as suddenly as the inferno had poured forth over the land, it was contained.

He was concerned for Collin. He looked badly hurt. Ricky felt not the slightest regret or sorrow. He felt peaceful. He felt purged and cleansed. But his concern was genuine. It was like he had arrived at the scene of an accident, and someone had been injured by someone else.

Ricky could not tell if he was conscious or not. He gently picked him up in his arms and carried him back into the gazebo. Carefully, he laid him down on the bench.

Ricky pulled out his first aid kit.

Then, ever so gently, he lifted Collin's head and laid a towel down. It was Ricky's come towel. This made Ricky smile at the dark irony. Then, with his first aid gauze, he dabbed Collin's face. His lips were bleeding. His nose was bleeding. His eyes were already beginning to puff up. He would not be a pretty sight tomorrow.

Then, Ricky did feel his first pang of regret. He was reminded of the character played by Jared Leto in Fight Club after the schizophrenic played by Edward Norton had beaten his face to a similar state. He did not feel sorry for Collin.

Fuck Collin!

No, Ricky felt tears well up because he had destroyed a thing of beauty.

He kissed Collin's bloody lips then. He tasted his blood on his lips with his tongue.

He looked down at Collin's beautiful body. If he wanted, he could touch him. He could touch him wherever he wanted.

But he did not, of course. If Collin was not to give himself to him, freely, of his own free will, he would not touch him. He saw that Collin's breathing became slow and regular. He was going to be OK.

Ricky was holding a rolled up bit of gauze to Collin's lips and nose when Collin's eyes fluttered open. Their expression first showed shock, then, in an instant, hurt!

Collin reached up to grab the gauze, and for a flickering instant, their hands touched.

Ricky sat back on his haunches. He was a little bit sorry then, but he would not show it.

Collin looked at him. The hurt in his eyes was not physical.

"Dude!" he said.

"Take it back, Collin. Take it back!" It was a whisper.

Collin's voice was small and faraway. "OK! I take it back!"

He had not hesitated. He said it immediately.

But he was not cringing. He did not speak out of fear.

Ricky had been right about him the first time. Collin had dignity. Collin was brave.

Ricky said, "I think you broke my nose."

Collin said, "I don't remember that."

"I have some Vicodin in my kit. It'll help you stay relaxed in your sleep."

"I could use some Vicodin."

"You could use some Neosporin too. On you lips. It'll keep you from licking them. And a cold, damp towel on your eyes will help with the swelling. Will you let me help you? If you want to hate me forever, that is your right."

"No, man. We're cool. I called your dad a fag. I shoulda' known better. God damn! You sure fucking warned me!"

Ricky breathed deep. This was the moment. If he didn't tell him now, he never would.

"Well, the thing is, Collin, I'm gay too."

Collin's voice was almost musing when he said, "I always wondered that about you."

Ricky told him, "I thought you were beautiful from the first second I laid eyes on you, and have I never thought otherwise. You make me crazy. You are so beautiful. I am so very sorry I messed up your pretty face, but I am extremely angry with you."

Collin only said, "I'm not gay, Ricky."

"I know, Collin. I know. Oh, how I know."

Ricky smiled then. He added, "And just so you know? Collin? If you out me, I will kick your ass again. You hear me? I will do it every day you speak one ill word about me or my family. That is a cold, hard fact. Do you doubt me?"

Collin actually laughed. He was no coward. "Dude! Give it a break, will you?"

Ricky played nurse, then, and Collin let him.

Later, when Collin was almost passed out from the Vicodin, Ricky confessed, "I kissed you, Collin, when you were passed out. I kissed your bloody lips. I am in love with you. That is why I hated you so much when you spoke those cruel words."

Collin chuckled. He said. "I know. That surprised me."

"You were awake?"

"That's what woke me up, or, maybe I was half awake, sort of. But, anyway, OK, Ricky. I admit it."

"Admit what?"

Collin sighed. It was a long, painful sigh, almost a groan. Ricky waited.

Quietly, Collin said. "You're pretty bad ass for a fag, ya' know?"

Ricky laughed darkly. Leave it to Collin to never give up. He'd get his digs in, and Ricky would let him. Collin knew who the alpha male in their duo was.

When he knew, however, that Collin slept, he stared at him in the dark and wept.