Author's Note: It's interesting to watch Ricky in action now. He has changed. I will say no more on that. Watch him in action.

This chapter also has the sad parting from Joshua. It was inevitable; we knew that. The question is: Will their love endure? Is their connection like most friendships in this sad world — merely a matter of proximity and convenience?

Awakens, The Sleeping Giant

That night, of course, Joshua fucked Ricky good.

It was late before they were alone together again in Joshua's tent on the deck over the river behind his cabin, hunched before the glow of Joshua's computer screen, and fascinatedly watching their captured images.

Ricky was astonished at how he looked on camera, and he hardly recognized his own voice.

"I did not know it was so high," he said, displeased.

"You have a nice voice, very soothing and musical. Listen to me! I sound like a little kid!"

"No you don't! You sound bright! Your voice is beautiful! I didn't tell you this, Josh Darling, but I heard you before I saw you that first day, the day you and your mom first came to the beach, and your voice was like a song that called to me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You have this quality, like, your voice has changed, but you are a tenor, like me. It's a pretty voice! Quit fucking knocking yourself all the time, man! Seriously!"

Joshua grinned at Ricky. "You can say the nicest things, dude."

But Joshua was generally displeased with the sound quality. The microphone of his camera was not the best. Horrible, really, he was thinking then. But he was generally happy with the visuals. He kept up a constant chatter about technical things.

"You sound like my dad. I don't even know what you're saying. It looks great."

Joshua still disagreed. "Well, I gotta pull the sound tracks and re-mix them. I gotta tune the exposures. I'll need some filters here and there, and I gotta piece it all together into a stream."

"Uh, Josh? That reminds me."

"Yeah?"

"You know how I said, 'You owe me?' You know? For filming me in secret?"

Joshua looked nervous. "Yeah?"

"Well, I'm thinking, I want this video. I don't want it out there. It's too risky. Like what if I go into politics? What if you get famous? We can't risk it! I want these videos. You have to give them to me. I must have the only copy!"

"Fuck, dude! This is the best shit I've done. You're a fucking star! You come into the scene, and bam! My dick comes up! I mean, just today, you got me to bottom for you right on camera! You changed me! We got it in the can, man! I took your virginity in front a camera, man! You sucked your first dick on tape! This is epic porn! I mean, seriously good shit!"

"Josh, that's not the point. I know you are proud, but what you just said proves my point! It can't get out there! But I get that it's 'raw' in a beautiful way. I'm not trying to steal your work!"

Joshua sighed. "Speaking of 'raw' that's the kind of file these are. You don't even know what that means! You don't even have a fucking computer! I need this, Ricky! You can not deny me my work! Fuck. I gotta convert 'em 'cause I know you won't have the software. So there'll be another set of files in the folder! Fuck! Already we are forking copies! NO! You have to trust me! I'm the one who knows how to secure the files! I'm the one who must have the originals. You won't even be able to watch them. I'll have to burn them to a DVD or a thumb drive! Shit! Even more copies. I'm sorry, Ricky. You are wrong! I need to keep the originals."

"That's not a good idea," Ricky said. "I trust you. I just don't trust the guy who steals your computer."

"As opposed to the guy who steals your DVD or thumb drive? Besides, I'll keep the files encrypted."

"But what if someone hacks the files?"

"That only happens in movies. There are ordinary, consumer encryption methods that no one can crack. Even if they use every supercomputer in the world. See? Again! You don't know shit, Ricky. I'm sorry, but you don't. I do. The files are safer with me, not you."

Joshua knew that what he said was not precisely true. Theoretically, it was possible to crack a passphrase by using a "brute force" combination of every letter, symbol, or word combination, but that was practically remote, and certainly, no one was going to bother with two teenage boys having sex.

Joshua added another powerful argument. "And shit! I don't have time to do all that burning anyway! I'm leaving like tomorrow! It takes time to edit! It's a lot of work! Do you want to sit here while I do that, or do you want to take advantage of our last chance to be together?"

That got him. "OK, Josh. You win. I will trust you."

Joshua had got himself worked up. Without acknowledging his victory, he said, "Most people don't realize that a film really happens in the editing room, not on set. You have to trust me. I'll be careful. I'll encrypt everything. Let me do my thing, man! And then, when I have the final, I'll send you a secure copy. I'll teach you how to read the file and do a secure delete."

"'Secure delete?'"

"Dude, you really gotta learn computers! Yeah. It's, uh, technical, but basically it means you overwrite the place where the file was so it can't be recovered with, like, data recovery techniques."

"OK, I'll take your word for it. I told you I would. You don't have to keep explaining! All right! I want to preserve your art. I get that. I won't see it destroyed. Fine. You keep the files. You work on them. Anyway, I'll see if I can get my dad to get me a computer."

Joshua sighed. Ricky had certain "non-negotiables." He had learned to recognize when he hit one. He thought that had been one, but Ricky really had capitulated. Joshua changed the subject. "So you go by your name on Facebook?"

"Facebook? I don't have a Facebook account."

"Dude. You are fucking shitting me!"

"No. My step-dad never let us do stuff like that. Facebook and stuff like that are blocked on our PC at home."

"Gawd. What a cunt! Well, let's set you up with one."

"What good would it do? I can't access it."

"Oh, I'll bet you could talk your mom into it now that he's out of the picture."

Ricky thought about that. He thought Joshua was right. Then too, Dad would be cool with that. Shit, he'd help me!

Joshua laughed, "I'll bet if I set up an account for 'Jordan DuBois' you'd have, like, seven hundred friends in, like, seven minutes!"

"Let's not, Josh. I'll set up my own account. I'm tired of posing. I'm tired of lying. Playing Jordan was fun for a minute, but I'm me! I don't want a fake Facebook account. No. I veto that idea. Besides, if what you are saying is true? Then who needs friends like those? Those are not friends.

"In fact," Ricky added, "I think I've changed. I think you changed me.

Joshua looked at him for a long time, then in a small, small voice, he said, "I love you, Ricky Boone."

"I love you too, Joshua Morgan."

Joshua sighed again. "I am so fucking sad I have to leave tomorrow. I keep sighing all the time!"

Ricky had avoided the topic. It filled him with sadness too. It was always this way every summer. He made a friend and lost a friend, over and over.

Then he said, "Well, my dad will let make a Facebook account. He'll be here in couple weeks. And he'll get me a cell phone too. We'll stay connected!"

"OK," Joshua said, "so it's not so bad. We can Skype, too! When you get a computer! We will be back in touch again then. Great. Cool. I don't feel so sad now."

"Skype?"

"Fuck, dude. You need to get out more! Yeah. It's like a video phone, computer to computer!"

"So I could see you and you could see me?"

"Uh, duh?"

"When did they invent that?"

"Dude! Are you fucking serious? Like twenty fucking years ago!" Joshua had no idea exactly when video conferencing was actually made viable. He did know it was not recent technology. He had made his point. Ricky amazed him sometimes. He was like someone from another time and place.

Ricky took no offense. He nodded his head. "So yeah, it's better you keep the files. You understand the technology. You say you'll keep it encrypted? And you'll teach me how to install the software to read the files when I have a computer?"

"Of course. I'll email them to you."

"Well, I will need to set up an email account."

Joshua decided to not give Ricky any more shit about his lack of knowledge or connectedness. Knowing Ricky, he'd become expert in a matter of weeks anyway, once he had a computer of his own.

Joshua changed the subject again. He leaned backed with his hands behind his head. He said, "I wasn't expecting this."

Ricky knew what he was talking about. He agreed, "I wasn't either. How did it even happen?"

"I know, right? Good question! But it did, and now that I think of it, we should talk about something else."

"Why? What's wrong with talking about us?"

"No, Ricky!" Joshua said, realizing Ricky had misconstrued his meaning. "I am talking about 'us!' But what I wanted to say is this; see, you are a fuck hot guy! And now that you know you're gay, and now that you know you can score, you're gonna be hunting, and you're gonna wanna, and you're gonna score, and I'm just saying, it's cool."

Joshua looked at Ricky. He said, "Yeah. You haven't thought about that. You are very wise, Ricky. Really you are, but you are also very naïve."

Ricky nodded. "I was just thinking that."

Joshua was laughing at him.

"What?" Ricky said, "What's so funny?"

Joshua shook his head. "It's just that you said the exact words I was thinking you would say. That's what's funny!"

"Yeah. That is funny, so we are at the, 'Reading each other's mind's stage, huh?'"

"I dunno. Can you read my mind, Ricky?"

"Sometimes. I figured out you had been raped before you told me."

"Did you?"

"Uh huh. And I figured out you didn't like to be man handled."

"Yeah. But I like it when you do it."

"Sometimes you do," Ricky said.

"Yeah. Sometimes," Joshua agreed.

Then Ricky surprised Joshua, disproving everything, for he would never have predicted what Ricky said next: "I think I'm gonna come out to my mom."

"Wow!" Joshua said, deciding not to say that Ricky had just proved that they really could not read each other's minds. "Why? What makes you say that?"

"Well, I told you my dad was gay, right?"

"Yeah."

"So I know my mom's attitude. She actually doesn't care about that. What she cares about is that he deceived her and he deceived himself. She said that it was a shitty thing to do, what he did, lying to the world, pretending to be straight, marrying her, having kids, and she said that she knew that the torment of the 'fiction' as she called it made him crazy, and he drank, and it fucked him up, so I know she'll be cool...

"Actually," Ricky added, "she'll probably be too cool, just to show me how cool she is."

Joshua mused, "Well, I'll bet you could handle that."

"Yeah. I'll just tell her not to make a big deal of it. I'll tell her that she needs to just...

"Uh, I'll have to think about that. But yeah. I can deal with it."

Joshua said, "I know my mom and I started getting close after I started being honest with her. She was the first one I told my deep secret."

"Your 'deep secret?'"

Joshua turned from the computer. It was busy encrypting the large, raw files. He wanted to look at Ricky. "Yes. So, well, I told you she retrieved me from Mexico, and she immediately got me into therapy, and everyone was saying, 'It's not your fault! It's not your fault!' And I kept saying, 'Well, actually, it is my fault!' And they kept trying to tell me I was wrong, and finally my mom understood what I was saying. I told her that I often liked it. I was into it. I looked forward to new guys, and I loved to play act in front of the camera, and finally someone believed me! So she helped me break it apart: There was my part, and there was other people's part.

"Then I saw that my part was not such a big part. But I did have a responsibility. It is the difference between 'fault' and 'responsibility.' Do you see?"

"Totally. That's great. You are lucky to have such a cool mom."

"I have a cool therapist too — the one I have now. Not the first. The first, like, she watched too much Oprah or something!"

"But here's the other thing, Ricky, and this is the thing that my mom and I really connected on because I had a lot of sadness about how she had allowed it to happen, and when I told her, she confessed to me too. My dad could really manipulate people! She was one of his victims too! He could really fool you! So we bonded over that. We decided to help each other instead of guilt trip and cast blame.

"And the thing is, she — and this was where I was going — she already knew I was gay, and I'll bet your mom does too."

"You think so?"

"Moms know more than they say. I know that. When are you gonna tell her?"

"Tomorrow, after you leave."

"She'll ask about me."

Ricky got a worried expression.

"It's cool, Ricky. Tell her. Tell her to call my mom, if she wants. Tell her we had sex, if you want. I bet she won't ask details, but she might want a hint of how it is for you, and if she does, just say you have a right to privacy, and you can't talk about me because that's not fair to me."

Ricky nodded.

That chat, as good as it was, had sidetracked Joshua. He remembered what he had wanted to talk about. He said, "So. You remember I was saying how now that you're out, you're gonna be scoring?"

"I haven't been thinking about that."

"I know you said that, Ricky, but you will, and I'm just saying, that's cool. It's not like we're married, you know."

"What are you saying?"

Joshua thought about how to put it. He didn't want to hurt Ricky's feelings, but he didn't want to be sneaky about it either. So he just came out with it.

"I'm saying that the next stage of the Joshua and Ricky story is where we fuck other guys."

"I don't want to fuck any other guys."

Joshua snorted. He thought, Best not to be silly! But he said, "You say that now, but you will! And what? You think I'm gonna just hang out in my room and jerk off and pine for you forever?"

"No. I guess not," Ricky admitted.

Joshua said, "But here's the good part; see, listen! You and me? We are an item! Just because you find other hot guys to mess with means nothing! I'd love to hear you tell me about them! It's hot! You and me? We're friends! We can stay friends! Once you get a computer, we can can Skype. We can talk dirty and jack off in front of each other!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Besides. I'm the guy who took your virginity. You'll remember me forever, and believe me, dude, I'll remember you!"

Ricky lay down next to him. He wanted to get all snugly. He was such a snuggle bunny! He said, "I know you're not a snuggler, Josh, but I need it."

He made Joshua laugh. He said, "You're the best fuck I ever had."

"I suppose you mean that as a compliment?"

"The best."

Waiting for the mother to retire, they lay there quietly and chatted pleasantly. Joshua talked about film; Ricky talked about music.

They talked about those things then, back and forth, equally curious.

Artistic types can do that with each other forever.

Finally, needing to ramp things up, Joshua asked, "Hey Ricky?"

"Yeah?"

"How's your butthole feeling?"

"It hasn't been bothering me since this afternoon. Seems kinda sensitive to the touch though."

"So you've been touching it?"

"Of course. I've been using Bag Balm all day. That shit works!"

You wanna hot tub? It'll feel good on your hole. Besides, I wanna check it out."

"You fucking fucked the shit out of me last night man!"

"I know. I'd say I was sorry, but I'm not, and neither are you."

Ricky laughed. "You're right. I'm not sorry at all."

They were silent for a time, laying together in that period before the parent went to her room.

Ricky, always one to break a romantic moment with clinical details, added, "My farts are loud and strong again. That's a relief!"

Joshua, after he ceased laughing, commented, "I noticed! Say, let's hit the tub, huh?"

The light of Joshua's mother's bedroom was near the hot tub. By that illumination, with Ricky propped up by his arms at the edge, Joshua got a good look at Ricky's anus.

"Shit, dude!" he chortled. All that fucking whining? All Goddamned day? Over that? What a pussy! Your ass is fine!"

Joshua gave Ricky's butt a hard slap.

He had discovered that could hit Ricky anywhere, anytime, and Ricky would — if he even noticed it — laugh. He did not fake being tough. He was tough.

Ricky laughed. He laughed as he spun around and slipped into the tub next to his favorite fuckbuddy. "Really? It feels kinda puffy. Like it's sticking out!"

"Yeah, it is, but that's normal. It's fine. I've seen worse, way worse, and felt worse, way worse, and I was OK the next day... uh, well, no. The next week, but that was way worse!

"That's not reassuring."

"I'm just saying even the worst case is not bad, and you're not fucking hurt, Ricky. But since I'm going away tomorrow, we won't have another chance, man, so puffy and a little sore or not..."

Ricky interrupted, "I've read that if the tissue tears there, and you get shit on it, you can get poisoned and even die, Josh!"

Joshua sighed. "Yeah. That's true. I had to have stitches one time. It was not done by a doctor! But fuck that, Ricky! You are not torn or cut! Seriously. You're exaggerating."

Joshua said this as he moved in. He had that look. The look that said, "I am going to fuck you."

Ricky let himself be led.

Joshua's slender young body belied the smooth, confident assurance with which he took command. He slipped up alongside him in the swirling water and slid an arm across Ricky's strong torso, rubbing his hand gently along Ricky's far side. He lifted his pretty face to Ricky and looked at him in that way that said, "Kiss me!"

Ricky kissed him.

Joshua had figured it out: The Key to Ricky.

"The Key to Ricky," was a kiss. Not just any kiss. It had to be a good one with tongues.

Yes!

Ricky was unlocked. He was down for anything.

From the light of his mother's bedroom window to the left as he sat sidesaddle on Ricky's iron thighs with his arms around his neck, Joshua kissed Ricky luxuriously. He wanted to enjoy this, but his eyes, always attracted to effects of light and dark, noticed the shadow of his mother pass across the curtains of her window.

Joshua knew that they could be seen if they remained in that corner of the hot tub, so he suggested, "Let's move to the dark corner, huh?"

"Yeah."

Ricky just loved Joshua's big cock. He was ever enthralled by it. In the showers at the end of gym class, he had plenty of opportunities to check out plenty of dicks. He had never seen anything like Josh's cock. He had seen some monster dongs, but never one so large relative to the size of the body.

It was bliss to sit there in the tub with the cutest possible naked boy on his lap, kissing him wetly with his awesome dick bobbing against his chest.

Joshua insisted that it was only just over seven inches according to "correct measuring technique," but it always looked and felt larger to Ricky. Joshua had also said that Ricky's dick was "genuinely big" even if not quite seven inches. Really, it was just over six and a half inches.

In the hot water, Ricky's "genuinely big" dick was just then coming up between Joshua's smooth thighs and prodding up alongside Joshua's big balls. All the while, Ricky strong hands caressed his younger friend's slender back and sides.

And of course, they kissed the whole while. It was a sweet interlude.

They return to the tent. Joshua has dropped a red handkerchief over his small desk lamp, lighting their shelter with a dim red glow.

On the futon, Joshua has Ricky just the way he wants him. He leans back on a cushion, nude, up on an elbow, one knee up. He's quite stiff above those meaty balls of his. The look on his face is so peaceful. He has a gentle smile. His eyes are soft.

Liking this pose of Ricky's and not wanting to disturb it, rather than snapping his fingers and having Ricky blow him like a cheap whore, he hops forward and gives Ricky a face dance before letting him suck.

"You love this, huh, Ricky? Me, slapping your face with my big cock? Rubbing my balls in your eyes? Wiping my taint on your lips?"

"You smell good, Josh."

It comes out like a sigh. Ricky is falling back onto the pillows. He is almost too relaxed.

"I take that as a 'Yes,' then?"

Time to get Ricky moving.

Joshua flopped over on his back nearest the wall of the tent beside Ricky. He looked over into his eyes, unreadable in shadow, but the lamp caught on Joshua's long cock as he flicked it around, and that caught Ricky's eye.

Ricky had the cutest giggle. He sounded like a silly twelve year-old. He giggled as he wetly licked his cock, and he giggled as he sloppily slurped the tip.

He did a nice job varying the rhythm from slow to fast.

He's got this new rotational thing he's doing!

Not a cheap whore!

This giggling thing is really cute. What?

Is he humming?

Joshua holds himself up by the elbows so he can watch Ricky blow him. He chuckles, "I just love it when a boy sings such gay, happy songs while he blows me! You really like to suck dick, huh, Ricky? "

Ricky just smiles with his eyes up at Joshua. He continues to suck him beautifully.

In the hot tub, Josh had explained to him how he was going to fuck him. "The trick," he said, "is to not thrust in and out too much.

"See, that's what chafed your virgin rectum raw."

"The trick," he repeated, "is to get up in you, then stay up in you, not moving in and out a bunch, but still, really fucking!"

Ricky was down for that. "I like that feeling of feeling fucked."

Then, after the hot tub, the drying off part. They already have a system: Each wraps his own big towel around his back; they move in together, pressing their naked fronts wetly; they dry each other's backs, with or without kissing; then, they dry each other's fronts. The last involves a lot of tickling.

In the tent, Josh wants him to just lay there so he can look at him. He strokes that big dick of his, staring.

Ricky lets him. Josh swears he is not filming. Ricky believes him.

Joshua's big cock is in his face now.

The pale thickness of that juicy tube on the underside of that long cock brushing heavily across his lips makes Ricky's cock, already hard, rise up to another tower of rigid. The orangey smell of that sweet spot behind Joshua's beautiful balls, wherein hide delicate whorls of fine blonde hairs, teases Ricky's nose.

Ricky sighs sweetly and falls back. He is ready to be fucked.

Now Joshua is off him and beside him.

Captain Morgan wants a blow job!

Ricky grins, he feels himself get all silly inside. He keeps laughing and humming while he blows his best friend, and then, suddenly, bam! Josh has shoved him away, and he's pushing him sideways.

He has picked up the lube. He hands the tube to Ricky. "You do it," he says.

While Ricky busies himself with getting his ring properly slippery and loose, Joshua slips up next to his studly, sun-bronzed, wild, warrior, sex god and kisses him more. He does this with gentle fingers on Ricky's cock, but uses strong fingers on his balls. He likes it that way sometimes.

Like now, and Joshua knows it because he feels Ricky's cock thicken and straighten even more.

He thinks of something funny. "You know what some guys call the 'missionary position?'"

"Mmm."

"'Sissy fucking.' Because that's how sissies like to fuck each other. 'Cause sissies like to kiss each other, right?"

"Mm hmm. I like sissy fucking. I'm a sissy."

"Unlike real men who always fuck boys from behind!"

"Uh huh. I like to fuck that way too. I'm a real man."

"Also, that way, I can kiss you while you warm up, huh?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Plus, I wanna rub my belly against your dick. You like that huh?"

"Uh huh! I learned that from you."

"So I wanna sissy fuck you."

"Sissy fuck me, Josh."

"How many fingers you got in there now?"

"Three."

"That's good enough."

Joshua hands Ricky his rag so he could wipe his fingers.

Later, when Ricky would think about Joshua when he jacked off, he would remember how Joshua looked that very moment, that moment he leaned forward between Ricky's legs, one hand on his giant prick, the other on the futon at Ricky's side.

The look in his eyes! That look that said, Yeah, man. I'm gonna fuck you!

It was almost a sneer, but he laughed happily.

It really didn't hurt at all when Josh slipped his thick cock up in him, driving it all the way in one smooth plunge.

Ricky just threw himself back and let himself get fucked. It felt wonderful to simply receive him.

Once in him, Josh falls over on top of Ricky with his full weight, which is nothing. As Ricky relaxes underneath him, Joshua relaxes on top of him. Ricky squeezes Joshua's cock with his ring. He runs his hands all over Joshua's smooth back.

Soon, Ricky is lifting his legs and reaching down to grab Joshua's butt cheeks. Once he has a good grip, he starts using Joshua's whole body like a giant toy, fucking himself with Joshua's dick.

Joshua takes that as a green light, for he reaches back and removes Ricky's hands from his ass, wraps his arms around Ricky's chest, and takes control of the fuck motions. Thrusting in slowly, he kisses Ricky. He kisses him again. He kisses him again and again as he fucks Ricky in slow motion, using short strokes, staying deep in him, keeping Ricky's cock pressed between their bellies, rocking a little from side to side.

They fuck like that for a long, long time. Perhaps a half an hour. Not speaking, just kissing and fucking.

During this time, there arises in Ricky a new sensation. It begins when his ass goes to another level of relaxed. He is truly loving getting fucked. This orgasmic sensation then starts welling up in him like a tickle from his lower core, and soon he finds himself moaning.

He is surprised to be making these sounds.

He tries to keep from making those effeminate noises, but the delicate weight of Joshua's slender body on top of him, the way he kisses him, not sweet and friendly now, but fiercely, intensely, and the way he drives his big cock in and out of Ricky is so manly!

Ricky feels he is truly being fucked now. He is transported to another side of fucking he did not know.

He cries out loudly!

Joshua has to reach up and cover his mouth with a hand. He is panting a little as he fucks him in that awesome way and says, "Uh huh. You get it now, huh?"

Pulling Joshua's hand away, Ricky commands, "Fuck me, Josh."

Thereafter, he manages to keep the noise down.

Joshua has him flip over onto his knees with his face on the pillow, but he has Ricky spread his legs wide so his groin is lower. He is able to get over the top of his back then and fuck down into his ass. Ricky arches his back and bites the pillow to keep from screeching as Josh hits the spot.

It is all Ricky can do to keep from hopping around!

Then, he can not keep from hopping around.

This causes Joshua's dick to keep popping out.

So Josh has Ricky straddle him, facing him.

They fuck that way for what seemed like a long, long, time but probably wasn't.

Ricky loves the feeling of sitting on Joshua's fat cock and rocking and rolling his hips with out going up and down much. He loves the feeling of the way Joshua's cock slid out a little as he rolled forward to kiss him.

He loves the feeling of Joshua fucking up into him from below, using, it seemes to Ricky, all his strength.

He feels like he is ready to come, like, he has won!

He slips off of Josh and flops over on his back next to him. Turning his head to the side, he says, "Come in me, Josh."

Joshua requires no further direction. Ricky throws back his arms as Joshua hops over on top and kneels between Ricky's thighs. Ricky raises up his hips as Josh reached down to lift.

And then...

Joshua is fucking Ricky the way he wants to fuck him — roughly, quickly, and powerfully.

Josh enjoys himself. He sighs in the happiest way. He keeps up an excited patter of dirty talk, whispering huskily, "Yeah, you like that cock in you? You like it? I like it in you. I like fucking you. Hoo-yah!"

He punctuates this with occasional hard-banging long-cocking. It makes slapping sounds!

And then he has his knees tucked up under Ricky, and he's pulling on Ricky's back just above his hips, so Ricky arches his back and lifts up. Joshua's hands are on Ricky's ass as he bends his head down to suck Ricky's cock with his dick still in him.

Ricky uses his tired ring to squeeze the head of Joshua's cock while Joshua gently sucks Ricky.

It is an intermission.

The moment is brief.

For now Joshua is is fucking Ricky on the top, his face near Ricky's. He is doing a new thing. He has Ricky's legs pushed up and back, and his arms are underneath them. Joshua holds himself up by his arms. Ricky's back is arched, and his butt is lifted up. Joshua's hot breath smells of eucalyptus! He has a wild, feral look.

Joshua looks so tough and butch!

He is not kissing Ricky. This is exciting. There is a hint of a cruel edge.

Ricky's orgasm surges up like that wave he had sensed before, but this one is much stronger, deeper, and longer. It rises in increasing intensity until Ricky is sure he will faint, just faint dead away!

"Dude! Are you OK?"

"Huh?" Ricky looks around. He is laying there where he was. He is on the opening side of the tent. Josh is on the wall side.

"I think I fainted," he tells Josh. There are some moments missing from his memory.

"It was like you were hiccuping and twitching, man! You didn't even budge when I wiped you off."

Ricky sits up and looks out the opening. It is not so dark that cannot see the trees along the river whispering in the breeze.

The world, evidently, continued on, indifferently.

Mamma's Boy

Ricky knew how to handle his mother.

It was easy. He loved her. All else followed.

Ricky knew he was special to her. He knew that of all the males in the world, including even his younger brother, he, Ricky, was her one special one. He was her first. He was her oldest. She was only nineteen when he was born. In the pictures, there he is staring at the photographer — his father, always taking pictures — with his big, baby eyes, and there was his mother, grinning happily, hardly older than he was now!

They had the same smile, she and him.

She was still pretty.

Ricky sat next to her on the beach at the swimming hole. He wasn't sitting on the rocks with his cousins and the whole gang of new teenagers who had come up.

Ricky looked at her long legs. He looked at his own legs. Sometimes, he felt like the male version of her. He had much the same look. He had his father's soft and pretty eyes, but he had a physique he had inherited from her and her father, his grandfather.

His mother had pretty legs.

She knew how to display them, and she was doing it then.

He understood. She had just lost her man. Already, she was looking for another. There was nothing to forgive. She was doing what he was doing.

They were the same that way.

He had cried and cried when Joshua left.

Joshua had managed to keep his cool as he was readying to leave. He had kept it together right up to the very last second as he was getting ready to board his mother in the van waiting with the engine running.

Joshua had hugged him. He had whispered in his ear. He said, "I love you, Ricky."

Joshua had cried then.

Ricky had wandered back. He had thrown himself down in his gazebo and had a good cry.

He felt a little better.

They had not had time to do all the things they wanted. Joshua had wanted to take stills so he could show Ricky off on his own Facebook page. Ricky never got to show off his piano playing to Josh. They had talked about putting together music for their strange, dark, film, and Ricky had wanted to work on that with Joshua.

No time.

They wanted to make love again, in the morning.

No time.

It was a long drive to L.A. His mom wanted to leave early. They left too early.

Time.

Time the great healer?

Fuck that.

Time, the Great Betrayer!

Ricky sighed.

His mother was sitting in a low beach chair. He sat beside her. He leaned against her. Her arm was so soft and so warm against his cheek.

He supposed it was a nice enough day. The sun was out. There was a breeze. The river still ran. Children still played.

But to Ricky the world was gray and silent.

Alone. Alone again.

His mother turned her head and looked down at him as his tears flowed down her arm.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?"

"I miss him," he said.

"Joshua?"

Ricky nodded his head. "It's making me crazy."

His mother grew silent. She said, "So he was a good friend to you. You did spend a lot of time together."

"And," Ricky added, "I'm sad for you. I know you tried to make it work."

She sighed, even as she kept a smile for the rest of the world.

They were surrounded by people.

She reached to adjust her broad brimmed straw hat, the very hat he had loaned Joshua the day before, and as she did so, Ricky said in a very quiet, very small voice that only she could hear, "Mother? I'm gay."

Her hand stopped. It hung motionless in the air.

The leaves stopped rustling. The river stopped sparkling.

Time, the Great Betrayer, stopped to listen.

But even as the world returned to its usual pace, his mother's hand remained poised in the air.

Then, instead of reaching for her hat, her hand found her the head of her beloved son, and it stroked his soft, golden hair.

"Ricky," she said, smiling sunnily for the crowd, "you might have chosen a better time to tell me."

"It couldn't wait. Every second I said nothing was a lie."

She said nothing at all. She petted his hair in that way of hers, that way that could sooth a hurricane. It made him shiver all over.

Sure. He could handle her. But she could also handle him.

He said nothing at all, but he noticed it was a very, very magnificent day!

The sun was shining beautifully; the wind rustled the green leaves of the trees, making them shimmer; the sparkling waters of the river rushed by; happy children played on the beach and in the shallow water with their musical, excited voices.

Into the beauty of the day, his mother's lovely voice said, "You make me so proud, sometimes, Darling. Thank you for telling me."

He looked at her. He had a strange, new perception of her. He was seeing how she might appear to another man: His mother was hot! He saw her then, that way, for the first time.

It was a revelation. Wild!

Ricky knew they would talk more. They would talk and talk until Ricky was ready to vomit from too much talking, and she would still want to talk!

He knew how to handle his mother.

By telling her then, at the beach, in public, he denied her the chatter. She would have to think.

Good!

He told her, "I'm gonna go sit with the teenagers, now. Later, when you want, I will be there for you." He got up on his knees and kissed her.

Ricky never outgrew kissing his mother. He would do it public, any time. She loved that about him, he knew. She always accepted his love no matter how upset she might be with the world or with him, and he knew he had been a trial for her. Sometimes.

At the rocks, Ricky already felt the change.

Before, when he saw the girls, he would be suppressing internal resentment. They would, he thought, expecting him to be all solicitous, and this gave them power, and he... he was surprised at the revelation! He hated them for it!

Well, he noticed, only just then, I used to hate them!/

What a stupid boy he had been!

He didn't hate them! Look at them! What was there to hate? Look how lovely they were! Listen to their pretty voices and their clever conversation! Who could possibly hate girls?

As he strode over the rocks, balancing on his toes along the rounded ridge, worn by a century and a-half of teenager's feet, maybe more! I bet the Indians used this swimming hole too. It's the best one in a hundred miles!

He looked for a spot to sit. All the good spots were taken. One had to get there early to get the best spots.

He did not care. He would stand if he had to.

There was Susie, a year younger, surrounded by boys. No wonder. She was cute! She wore a skimpy bikini, and Ricky noted, her breasts had really come in in the last year. She had always been a bit of a bitch to him.

It was nothing.

And there was Jackie. Two years younger. Skinny, but Ricky knew she was strong. She was the tomboy. A total jock, and Ricky thought then, maybe even a les. That would be so cool!

Ricky made a point of smiling and waving to her. For a second, only a second, Jackie looked surprised, and, then, suddenly, her smile was sweet and kind. She was not surrounded by boys. They are fools, Ricky thought. Jackie is the good one!

And there was big fat Danny, a year older. Always bossy. A total know-it-all of the most irritating kind, for he was just, just, not bright. Big, always big, but, Ricky saw, really rather soft, like an overripe peach. Ricky thought to himself, I bet I could kick his fat ass.

He thought about how to do it. He could taunt him till he finally took a swing at him. He'd dance around, avoiding the punches, not letting Danny grapple with him, until he got Danny huffing and puffing. Then he'd start tagging him with little punches getting Danny furious. Danny would then try and hit him with wild, swinging windmill punches. Ricky could dance to the side and pummel his ribs with death blows.

Any even if Danny grappled, trying to use his weight and size to advantage, well, two years of wrestling had taught Ricky some moves.

Ricky chuckled to himself. He was not afraid of Danny. Fuck Danny! Give me a challenge!

There were many other girls, not a dog among them. Ricky looked them all over as he flicked across the rocks. He saw them look back. He saw then, for the first time really, that they thought he was a great looking guy.

But he was beyond that. He was Olympic. He strode as a god among mortals. He was out of their reach. He was the prize! Not them!

He realized this for the first time.

He could have shouted at the sky, so exultant he was.

And he checked out the guys. Ah! There was one. A brown eyed boy. His hair longish, thin. Younger? About Susie's age? He is very pretty! He was nearest to Susie, and Susie, he could already see, had picked him.

Ricky smiled. He saw the boy look at him, and, for a split second, bang, that flash!

Uh huh, Ricky thought. Yeah. That's right!

He went to the diving block. He would show off. He would dive in and swim beautifully. Who was on the swimming team? Who was the boy who could strut around in a Speedo in front of a crowd? Who was the one who could back flip off the high dive?

He back flipped off the block, and when he emerged, Jackie, bless her heart, said, "Ricky, you have got to teach me how to do that!"

"It's actually pretty easy," he said. "It only looks hard. Really, you have to overcome your fear that you're gonna bang your head."

"Will you do it again?"

"Yeah. Get down here. I want you to see how far out I actually get. OK?"

"OK."

He showed her again. When he got out, she was all excited. "I think I can do it!"

"OK. Well, your mom would freak and hate me forever if you hurt yourself, so let me stand on the rocks in front of the block. I'll raise up my arms. That way, you cannot possibly hit the block with your head, and, if you are that close that you might crash into the rocks, I can push you. So you can not get hurt. No matter what!"

"I think I can do it. You don't have to. I don't need it."

"I believe you, but I want to be safe. Will you please just let me make sure? I would be very sad if you got hurt, Jackie, and I would be in so much trouble! You dad would beat my ass. Please?"

"OK."

Jackie surpassed Ricky's already high expectations. She did a perfect back flip!

She was ecstatic. "Oh, that was so fun! I want to do it again!"

Ricky had succeeded in drawing a crowd. The other teenagers had gathered around the block. Ricky saw Danny trying to attract attention by starting to wrestle with one of the guys, but it wasn't working. The dude was shrugging him off with a scowl. Ricky and Jackie then demonstrated the new sport.

And there was that beautiful brown haired boy. Beautifully skinny and shorter than Ricky. He had that kind of skin that was born tan. Cute! He had big, brown eyes with long, long lashes! He looked really friendly. Not stuck up at all! When Ricky met his eyes and smiled, the boy smiled right back instantly. Excellent!

Then, suddenly as Ricky was getting ready to do the dive again, clearing his mind, getting "pure" as he though of it, he felt big, strong hands on his shoulders. He heard a man's voice. It was his uncle Dan. "That's enough, Ricky. You are making me nervous."

Ricky turned and looked up. His uncle Dan was a giant of a man. He had a broad, hairy chest and short curly hair.

Ricky protested, "It's perfectly safe if you do it right."

His uncle Dan said, "I'm sure it is. I have no doubt. But can you guarantee everyone will 'do it right?'"

Ricky admitted he could not. He said, "But did you see Jackie? She was perfect! Even the first time!"

"I did! Impressive! But even so, cool it, will you?"

Ricky had always liked his Uncle. "OK," he said.

Ricky saw Susie looking at him with a sneer. Ricky understood. He had drawn attention away from her and onto him and her sister. This was a change. She was used to being the center of attention.

Ricky almost laughed out loud at her.

But his wiser part knew there was no sense in making an enemy.

He sat down with Jackie. She was happy for the company. Ricky knew why. The cutest boy in the whole place... well, except for the brown haired boy, was giving her attention. Her stock would rise.

To Jackie, he said, "I have a confession."

"What?" She asked.

"Do you remember when we were kids, and your dad was teaching us how to swim in the rapids?"

"Not really. It seems like I've always done it."

"Well, I remember the very first time you dove in the rapids!"

"You do?"

"Yeah. You were six! I was eight! And you did it before me! I was so jealous! You shamed me! I couldn't stand it! So you can believe I fucking dove in!"

Jackie grinned. She said, "Ricky, you've changed!"

Ricky smiled. He said, "I don't know if you heard this, but my mom and my step-dad had a huge fight, and he left."

"I heard. Are they getting a divorce?"

"I think so, so that means I have to... uh, well..."

"Be a man?"

"Yeah."

"Good," she said, "it's about time."

Ricky was pleased. He had at least one ally.

The brown haired boy turned out to be named "River." As gay as his name was, River was not gay. Ricky figured this out quickly. Ricky also figured out that though River was fifteen, he had almost no experience with girls.

But he sure liked them!

Ricky saw this by the way his eyes constantly darted after any girl he saw, how he pestered Ricky for advice about how to handle Susie, and how he commented on the forms and features of any female who caught his eye.

River also talked about a lot of boyish stuff: rock fights, building tree forts, making model cars and airplanes, and playing video games. He was gorgeous, truly, nice and skinny but hard bodied and strong. Ricky was realizing this was a particularly attractive "type" for him. Ricky also liked River's happy, boyish, exuberance immensely. Then too, the younger guy just seemed to have somehow attached himself to Ricky in that cute way younger guys will do with older guys when the younger one looks up to the older one. He was following Ricky everywhere, not obsequious, not clingy, just in that way guys do to show friendship.

Ricky understood that. In the wordless way of males, they fell into an instinctual hierarchy. Ricky was the leader. That meant he had to help River in return for his loyalty.

That kind of relationship was not new for Ricky. What was new was that he really wanted to suck his beta's cock.

But the alpha doesn't do that.

It was an interesting problem for Ricky.

And he had an insight into Susie. She picked River because he was the cutest guy, but, also because he was naturally sweet, not bossy, and therefore not a threat.

Ricky threatened her. He threatened her, he could see, just being there.

He was amazed that he was ever intimidated by such a weak person.

For the next few days, Ricky did only the same things he always did every summer. He spent a lot of time with people his own age and as little time as possible with adults. He would make time for small children because that was what good big brothers did, but there were limits to that. He swam a lot. He sat on the rocks and browned himself. He went inner tubing with slender, pretty River, who liked the sport greatly.

He also did some things new. He pondered how he could hit on River without losing him as a friend, and he fully intended to carry his thoughts into action. There was no more jacking off, wistfully pining for some unrequited love.

No.

He was going for it.

He was different.

Bolder. Calmer.

For example, a few days after he met River, and Ricky was showing off diving and swimming techniques again, and he had once again gathered a circle of observers, his cousin Susie made some comment about he thought he was "all that" in front of the others, he just looked her and said, "Wow, Susie. That was really immature."

He had stared her down in a circle of silence.

Jackie told him later that she had cried.

But Susie never came to him. She never apologized. She never reached out to him.

River, who was there, commented quietly to Ricky, "Funny she says that because she's the one who thinks she's 'all that.'"

River essentially dumped her then, and he was thereafter almost permanently attached to Ricky. His explanation was, "She's kind of a bitch. I mean, she's hot, but I don't need a boss."

Secretly, Ricky thought that River was a bit intimidated by hot chicks. Ricky understood that. He used to be that way.

Susie, Ricky knew, was an OK person. She and Ricky, growing up together, often visiting, had many fun times. She could be very sweet. She made the best tuna sandwiches, and sometimes, she liked to wait on everyone, playing the thoughtful hostess. She could, Ricky knew, really get a party started.

But that summer a new, cruel, and bitchy facet had emerged in her personality. Ricky did not understand it, but he was not interested in a battle with her.

Of course, Ricky and his mother talked and talked.

She wanted him to confess more than was needed. Always this endless bullshit about "feelings." Ricky was in touch with his feelings. He needed no advice on that. He cut that off by saying, "I understand you want to help me, but if you really want to help me, then you need to stop seeing this as an opportunity to show how cool you are!"

This upset his mother who protested that was not so.

Ricky held his ground. He said, "I already know you're cool. You're the coolest mom on the whole planet!"

Then, in a flash of inspiration he said something that his mom would remember forever. She would tell her friends. She would brag about it.

Ricky did not know that when he said it.

It just came out.

He said, "Mom? Even if you were not my mom, and we met? We would be friends! I love you!"

She always thereafter referred to this as a favorite Ricky quote, adding, "It is one of the most beautiful things anyone ever said to me."

Ricky made her promise she could not "out" him. He had to explain the concept. But he knew that she would need to talk to someone so he told her to call Joshua's mom. He said that Joshua had suggested it. He was out with his mom, and — Ricky told a white lie here — it was Joshua who had suggested that Ricky come out to his mom because when Joshua had done it, he and his mom had become close.

He knew this would endear his mom to Joshua; also, the lie was not far from the truth.

Later, Ricky heard that his mom had called Joshua's mom, who, interestingly enough, was hoping for the call. They bonded. Ricky was delighted. His mom also bought Ricky some rubbers.

She was a cool mom, after all.

He often called Joshua and told him all the gossip. Joshua was strange and distant though, and this made Ricky fret, but after a few calls he got that Joshua was just not a phone person. He felt awkward on the phone. He wasn't himself. Joshua kept asking, "When are you going to get internet? When are you going to get a computer? We need to text, man!"

Joshua only opened up in his willingness to talk on the phone when Ricky told him about River.

He agreed with Ricky's assessment that River was straight, but added coyly, "See? I told you this would happen! You were all saying you were just gonna solo it after me? And here you are tryin' to figure out how to hit on this straight boy? Hah!"

Ricky remembered how Joshua had explained "gaydar" to Ricky one night.

"You'll know it when the right 'kind' comes along. Did I ever tell you about 'gaydar'?"

"Gay 'dar'?"

"Yeah, you know, like, Gay Radar?"

"No, but I think I know what you mean."

"Well, this is an example. You see a hot dude. You wish he was down, but you just don't get the signals!"

"Like seeing him check you out, and the little compliments?"

"Yeah. Like that. Like, you and me? We started flirting from the first, right?"

"Yep."

Ricky sighed. It was not easy being gay. But then, I bet it's not easy being straight either.

After flashing on that memory, and laughing over Joshua's comment about this new sexual aggressiveness, Ricky asked Josh if he had any ideas about how to play it with a straight guy like River.

"So, like how do you do it, Josh?"

"What? Trick with a straight guy?"

"Uh?, 'trick?' No, I don't think. I mean, you know, get him to let you turn him on."

"Yeah. Trick. Anyhow, basically? Besides gettin' 'em drunk? You are gonna have to show bone."

"'Show bone?'"

"That's what I call it. At some point you are going to have to let him know that you think he's hot, and you are willing to do something about it."

"'Show bone!'" Ricky repeated. He understood. He would have to out himself. It was that simple, if not that easy.

"Yeah, so, anyhow. My ear is tired, you know? Ricky?"

Ricky knew he was not likely to get any further explanation or advice from Josh.

They said their goodbyes, and Ricky went off to sleep. He was doing an experiment in non-masturbation. The idea was to see if his horniness would embolden him to hit on River more aggressively.

And then came Ryan.