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"You got to be kidding me..."
I opened my eyes to see Ozzie over my bed.
I jumped up and immediately I felt my headache kill me. What the fuck? I felt like someone had taken a shovel and wacked me over the head. I had never felt a hangover like this. I felt so thirsty.
That wasn't what got to me though. There was something even weirder. Something on my body. My ass...it was...in pain.
"Damn what time is it?" I asked, "Are we late for school?"
"Um...it's 4 pm. You completely missed school," Ozzie stated, "I came over because I was worried. Please tell me you didn't just wake up."
I sighed heavily, "Food...drink...now..."
I found myself in the kitchen cooking. Ms. Simons hated when people cooked themselves but I didn't have time to wait for her. I found myself cooking eggs and eating them before they were even done. I couldn't believe what the hell I had just done. Ozzie was just staring at me the entire time with his mouth wide open.
"Am I missing something? Did you go to a party last night?"
I shook my head, "Ozzie last night I was drinking...with Adrian."
"Adrian? He wasn't in school either."
"God. He probably didn't make it. We were drinking pretty heavily. We were just chatting but it was late. It was like the middle of the night. And oh god...fuck, Ozzie I did something so embarrassing."
I put down the food.
I wanted to puke at the thought of how badly I had just embarrassed myself.
Ozzie couldn't stop smiling, "This is juicy don't stop."
"I fucking came onto him."
Ozzie slapped his head in the EXACT way that Adrian had slapped his forehead the day before right before I kissed him.
did not," Ozzie stated, "You did NOT come onto him. I think you are lying."
"Talk about liquid courage," Ozzie laughed.
"This isn't funny."
"It kind of is. You have to admit," Ozzie stated, "How did he respond? Did he punch you in the face."
"I don't remember..."
At that moment the worst thing ever that could possibly ever happen to me happened. Jackie and Adrian walked into the room. Adrian didn't look as hung over as I did. He must have gotten up earlier. He comfortably sat on the stool that was sitting in one of the islands. Jackie walked over to the fridge where Ozzie and I was standing and pushed past without saying excuse me.
I looked away from Adrian towards the wall.
"Ozzie you want to go eat in my room?" I asked clearly wanting to escape this situation.
you know damn well by the way you are eating you'll want some more in a
minute," Ozzie stated, "We might as well just hang out over here."
Either he didn't get my hint or he was ignoring it.
Jackie gave me a hard look as he walked past, "Blackass you look like shit. I mean I know you're skin is the color of shit but you actually look like shit today."
"You always say the nicest things Jackie," I sighed.
"I try...I try..."
"Good morning Jackie," Ozzie said running up to him.
"Yeah good morning. Um...can you back up a little bit?" Jackie asked.
Ozzie backed up. It was so embarrassing how extra he was with him. It was like he was in some sort of crazy trance by Jackie. How was it possible for him to look past Jackie's horrible personality and still like him. As physically attractive as Jackie was his personality made him one of the ugliest people that I'd ever met.
Ozzie stated, "I'm sorry. I was going to make some bacon. Did you want any?"
"No stuff like that kills you," Jackie replied and quickly turned to Adrian, "You ready to go running?"
"Um...you go ahead I'm not feeling good."
"What you going to stay here?" Jackie asked giving him a suspicious look.
Adrian shrugged, "Yeah, I'll meet you when you get back."
Jackie left and the awkwardness was unbearable. The only thing that made a noise was Ozzie. He was tapping his hands on the table over and over. The tapping was annoying as hell. I saw his eyes moving rapidly from Adrian back to me. He kept doing it over and over. He was enjoying this! He had to be fucking enjoying this. I couldn't believe it.
After what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence Ozzie finally spoke, "So how about those Yankees?"
Adrian interrupted his thought, "Hey Quashie, can I get at you for a minute?"
I nodded, "Yeah lets go outside."
I could see Ozzie look annoyed as we walked away. Adrian followed a little behind me as we made our way to the back of the house through this long winding pathway outside. The back of the house was beautiful. There were a few gardens and then this massive woodland that seemed to stretch out for an eternity.
The weather was really cold lately. It had been getting colder and colder. What was even more cold and distance was Adrian's eyes. I was ready to get chewed out. I didn't think Adrian would tell anyone. He wasn't that type of guy but I was so sure he was going to let me know he was straight and didn't have feelings for me.
He laughed a little to himself without saying anything. It was even more awkward then what we already had going on.
"So..." I stated.
"So..." he said and paused for a few seconds, "Last night..."
He was looking around. It was clear he was embarrassed. I couldn't believe that I had come onto him so hard like that.
"Yeah," I said shaking my head. I was dreading this moment, "I wanted to apologize. I don't know what I was thinking. I literally just jumped your bones. I can't lie and tell you that how I felt was a lie because it wasn't. I have been attracted for a while now. I didn't know how to tell you. I honestly---"
I couldn't finish my thought.
I wanted to but literally couldn't talk.
Adrian's tongue was down my throat! His soft wet tongue was reaching for mine. His mouth was pulling me in. He wanted me.
I was shocked about it. Made sense why he was looking around nervously now. He was checking to see if anyone was around! I hadn't expected him kissing me. It wasn't just a peck either. He was slobbering me down. Like I hadn't started kissing him back until he finally grabbed onto my ass and pulled me closer. He squeezed so hard onto my ass cheeks cupping them and rubbing his crotch against my own.
"Whoa," I said when he finally stopped kissing me, "Was not expecting that."
"I can't stop myself," he stated smiling with his amiable smile, "Last night was fucking amazing. Like no one's ever put it down on me like that. Oh my god for hours. I don't know how you are still walking..."
"Put it down on you?"
My mouth hung open in shock.
"You don't remember? We had sex yesterday in the pantry."
"You are joking. I remember kissing you. I don't remember much after that "
"It was amazing," he said laughing all of a sudden, "I mean at first I didn't want to but you kept throwing yourself on me. You kept like kissing me. I was thought you were joking at first but you kept going. Like even when I got serious and hit you, you didn't back down. You damn near held me down and TOOK the dick. You like raped me. I didn't know you had it in you."
"I forced sex on you?"
It was 20X crazier that what I had expected.
"Yes and I am so glad you did."
"I ... I'm not like that," I stated trying to defend myself, "I—I—"
I was a goddamn slut. My body was giving me away. The throbbing pain in my ass was telling the story. Yeah I had most definitely lost my virginity to this guy and he had no idea. I hadn't even remembered it. That was the worst part.
"Please tell me we can do that again," he said, "God I want to do it now..."
He came up to me and kissed me hard again. I couldn't control how attracted I was.
"Wait no...I didn't want this..."
"Then why are you hard?" he asked.
He looked down. Again my body was giving me away. I looked down to see my throbbing penis through my pants. It wasn't even trying to hide at all. It was saluting him. Adrian was SO fucking hot and he knew he was. He laughed at me as I struggled to hide my wood with my hands at that moment.
I shook my head though. I didn't want him. I wanted him SO bad.
"I mean I didn't want it like this. I like you I just didn't want to sleep with you already. Look I'm looking for something...more..."
He sighed, "The sentimental stuff..."
"Uh yeah...the sentimental stuff. I'm just not going to sleep around with no strings attached."
"We talked about this yesterday," he stated shaking his head, "I told you that I wasn't gay man. I may be curious. Hell I may even be bisexual but I want to be with a woman. I just don't know if I can you know...be in a relationship with a guy. That's weird as hell."
"But you can stick your dick in me?" I asked.
I was being blunt. I was being really blunt now but I knew that I was irritated. I had never been irritated like that before.
"I'm not doing it," I repeated, "I won't be used."
make me into the bad guy here."
I thought about it. He was right. I was the one who had come onto him. Hell I even agreed to whatever stupid terms he gave me when I was drunk.
"I'm not trying to make you look like anything," I stated and stopped pausing, "I just want you to not try to make me look like anything too...I'm not a slut. I'm not easy. I had a moment of weakness and I feel like I came across as something that I wasn't."
"Damn so what does this mean?"
"What you think?"
Adrian grabbed his crotch in the most sexual way I had ever seen him do it. He was sexy as hell. I could see he was clearly excited too. His dick was stuffing his palm through his pants. He held onto it for a short second giving it a few strokes.
His body was calling me and his mouth was tempting me, "You sure?"
I wasn't sure.
"Yeah I am."
I couldn't stop jacking off for about two days after that. I didn't tell Ozzie about the fact that Adrian was actually very much so physically attracted to me. I just knew he would be all for me throwing myself at Adrian at the last thing that I needed was anymore encouragement. I was already having the mind state to do it anyway.
I actually didn't even see him until gym class.
I had spent the day running around the track with Ozzie when I saw him on the field. I had actually been running around to burn off all the tension I'd been feeling from Adrian. My entire body was on fire at the thought of him.
Adrian's eyes had glanced over at me and he completely stopped playing. Was he watching me? I tried to avoid contact and think about something else though. ANYTHING else.
"Have you heard from Jonah?" Ozzie had asked as we continued to run.
Jesus. Anything else but that.
"Jonah completely disappeared on me again," I stated shaking my head, "I honestly don't know if he is even in the mansion anymore. Hell he probably disappeared again."
"Maybe that's a good thing huh?"
I shrugged, "Maybe."
"Is that Lauren?" Ozzie asked all of a sudden.
It was Lauren. We were outside on the hot day and she was under the bleachers of the football field stadium. She had been talking to a shady man and I watched as he passed her something. Drugs? I looked over at Ozzie and he must have been thinking the same thing as he stopped running almost completely and was staring. She passed the creepy looking guy something else and the guy walked away suspiciously. Lauren remained under the bleachers for a while standing there sulking in silence.
I'll catch up with you later."
"Gym is over, we should shower and just get out of here."
just want to talk to her for a second."
"You can't help getting involved can you?" he asked.
I ignored Ozzie as he went back in from gym class. I went out to the bleachers. The other girls were either playing softball, practicing cheerleading or gossiping. Why the hell was Lauren hiding under bleachers on a nice day like this.
As I approached her I realized it was a cool place under the bleachers away from the sun. I was sweating like a pig so it was actually a nice little break. She didn't seem to take kindly to me sneaking up on her at all though.
"What you following me now?"
"Relax," I stated shaking my head, "I just wanted to talk. I'm not trying to kill your vibe. I'm not trying to get in your business. If you want me to leave just say the word."
I had learned a lot from being pushy with Jonah. The Hills definitely didn't like that kind of pushy stuff. They seemed very sensitive.
shook her head, "You can stay I guess.
Just don't be a cornball."
She rolled her eyes at me. This was Lauren being nice believe it or not. I leaned back against the wall with her as she was clearly smoking a cigarette. In the corner of my eye I could see the bag that the guy had handed to her. Something was hanging out the side. It was definitely pills.
"You have anything you want to talk about?" I finally asked after a few minutes of just hanging out.
She looked back at me suspiciously, "Like what?"
"I don't know. I mean I don't care just making general convo," I stated just trying to keep Lauren talking. It was rare that we had a conversation and even though I basically grew up with her I knew so little about who Lauren actually was.
lot of weird shit has been going on in my mind," she stated and crossed her
arms, "Anything fucking weird happened in that house?"
"Besides your mother's usual drama shows no."
She rolled her eyes, "I'm not talking about that cunt."
This was how Lauren described her mother...as a cunt.
I raised my eyebrows a little stunned, "Oh...my...well, yeah I've been getting a weird feeling like I have been being watched."
"You too huh?" she asked.
"You felt that way?"
She nodded shaking her head, "It's just my imagination though. A part of me feels guilty. I mean I was kid but there were flashes and things that I remembered."
she talking about Jonah?
"What kind of things?" I asked.
She shook her head, "You wouldn't get it."
"Theoretically, what would you do if you remembered something about someone. What if you remembered something that happened to someone? What if it didn't in anyway effect your life now? Would you tell someone about it if there is a chance it could ruin someone else's life?"
What was she talking about?
A part of me thought she was tying Jonah into this somehow but I had no idea. Lauren was being extremely cryptic about what the hell she was telling me and it made me feel weird.
"Girl you lost me," I honestly stated.
She shook her head putting out her cigarette on the wall, "Nevermind it's not important. I think i'm just tripping lately. That cunt had me starting to see a psychiatrist and he's really fucking with my mind..."
if you ever did want to talk...about the past...about any issues you are having
right now I am here. Ok. I am always here to talk...about
I didn't know how else to say I wanted to talk about your drug problem.
She nodded to me.
"I'll think about it. You're ok Quashie," she said, "You're ok."
I wasn't sure what that meant but I was pretty sure that was the nicest thing that Lauren had ever said to anyone at any point in all the years that I had known her.
I found myself in the locker room changing. It was pretty late and I heard some talking. I recognized the voices immediately from a few isles down from me and even though I couldn't see their faces I knew exactly who they were. It was Jackie, Adrian and this guy they hung out with called Bucky who was just a wannabe. Bucky was ok muscular guy but not nearly as attractive as the other two which is probably why superficial Jackie didn't hang out with him all the time. \
Jackie started with the convo, "Adrian man, Rebecca's pissed at you. Supposedly she had been throwing the pussy at you and you were pretty much dodging it."
Adrian shook his head, "Is that what she told you?"
"That's what she's telling everyone."
was when Bucky's voice came in, "Maybe Adrian got tired of it. Hell I'd be bored fucking the same person
over and over. She doesn't even play
hard to get."
Adrian laughed, "It's not even that. It's just once you found something better you can't go back to something wack."
"Something better?" Bucky laughed.
"The best I ever had."
"Who is it?" Jackie asked.
"It's a secret. I'm not going to tell you who it is."
"Scared I'll steal her," Jackie asked.
laughed, "I don't think this person is your biggest fan Jackie. Just to be honest. I just don't want Rebecca and your crazy ass girlfriend
to start shit."
"Yeah they'd be LIVID. Never seen you all acting like this. Rebecca finds out you fell in love with another girl and she'd probably go straight crazy."
"That's why she's not going to find out and neither are you," Adrian stated, "And it's not love...it's one hell of a lust but it's not love and NEVER will be..."
He had continued the conversation but I had heard enough. Truth be told I was livid now. I found myself in the showers in the gym becoming more and more uneasy. He had to have been talking about me. He made sure to say that it would never be love. The anger in my mind just kept rolling over and over. He was attractive, charming and everything that I wanted in a boyfriend. Yet somehow he wasn't even willing to give me a shot.
I was surprised as I felt a warm body on my back. Before I turned around I knew who it was.
"There are other showers in here," I stated.
I turned back and looked over at him and I almost threw up at how sexy he was. Somehow he had already managed to get wet. I must have not been noticing him in the showers the whole time. Adrian's body was sculpted amazingly. He had soft stubbled hair that brushed over his chest and arms. His legs were completely smooth though. Then there was the very low patch of pubic hair that seemed to almost be classically presenting his large dick. The dick fell almost 7 inches soft under his legs. He smiled at me, naked as day with that perfect smile.
"I was hoping you'd changed your mind," he stated.
He didn't have to flex. His perfectly sculpted arms hung to his side just like his dick. Water was dripping down his body and on his face. He licked his lips. They were wet...pink and calling me over to him.
I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to suck his lips. I wanted to bend over and suck his dick until I tasted his nutt in my mouth. I wanted to swallow it. I wanted to be NASTY with this boy and I knew he would let me.
Then I felt my morals kick in.
"I was hoping you'd changed yours too. Then I overheard you in the lockerroom. It'd never be love. Just lust."
"You heard that?"
I knew exactly what who you meant."
"I can't just stay away from you. You don't understand how much I want you."
He was coming close to me. I shivered as his hands made contact with my face. His right had cuffed my ears. His other hand started to make its way slowly and softly down the left side of my body. He was SO fucking gentle only barely touching me and teasing my body to want him more and more. God. I needed him.
"How about I just give you something to think about," he stated.
"You are NOT fucking me."
At that moment he did something that I didn't expect at all. He got on his knees and looked up with me. We were standing in the shower and the stream soaked right on his face as he was on his knees in front of me. He didn't seem to mind. He looked so sexy down there on his knees in front of me. My body shook with anticipation as he took my dick into his hands.
"I didn't say I was going to," he stated, "I don't want you to make your decision now. I just want to give you something that you can think about."
I think I almost died as the warmth of his mouth surrounded my dick.
"Adrian...you aren't going to make this easy...."
He wasn't going to make this easy at all.