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Chapter 8

Something Missing


"I want to keep this private," I heard Pristine telling her team of lawyers, "I don't want the media to know that my son who ran away at a young age all of a sudden showed back up."

"How do we explain the fact that he's been gone for years?" Mr. Hill asked Pristine.

She shook her head, "He was away...boarding school. That's it...boarding school."

The lawyers shook their heads, "Everything is going to be fine Mrs. Hill. We have the psychiatrists examining him now. They are going to access...the damage..."


Mr. Hill hugged Pristine at that moment. They actually looked worried. Were they worried about Jonah or about something that Jonah knew? Something had crippled them in fear.

I walked back to where everyone else was in the waiting room of the hospital after grabbing them a few sodas. They had been examining Jonah for hours now. Jackie was sitting in the waiting room. Aaryn was with him, straddling onto his arm and right next to her was Adrian crossing his arms. Adrian's eyes darted to me as soon as I came into the room.

I went over and handed Jackie a can of soda ignoring the other two.

"Thanks," he stated grabbing the soda out of my hand.

Aaryn just looked at me. I couldn't believe she was all over Jackie again after I caught her sucking Adrian off. I had every intention of letting Jackie know but now this had happened. Jackie had so much on his mind. Right now wasn't the right time.

"Are you ok?" I asked Jackie.

"My twin brother came back after 7 years of being missing," he stated, "I'm kind of in shock to tell you the truth."

Aaryn smiled at him, "It's going to be ok baby. He looked really good."

"How are you holding up Quashie?" Adrian asked me.

He was looking at me as though I was really concerned.

"I think Jackie and the Hills should be the focus right now...not me," I said rudely as I could possibly muster.

I didn't want him talking to me. I didn't want him asking me anything. I felt bad about his secret coming out but I still felt so damn betrayed by all he had done.

Jackie shook his head, "You are a part of this family too Quashie. It's so weird. You reminded me so much of Jonah and now that he's back I'm sure you two will get along."

Adrian rolled his eyes, "Anyone think he's kind of unstable? I heard them talking about how he was hiding in the walls..."

"He's not unstable," I said immediately, "He's just different..."

Adrian sighed, "Look all I'm saying is normal people don't run away from their families and hide in a mansion. They don't do that for 7 years. That is strange behavior. And if I was Mr. Hill I probably wouldn't want my family around someone like that until they underwent extreme mental evaluation. A few hours isn't going to cut it."

Aaryn nodded, "I have to admit you're right."

"You would agree with him huh?" I said to Aaryn.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Aaryn asked.

I couldn't stand even looking at her. She backstabbed Jackie and was now on his case. She was clearly betrayed Adrian already as well by telling Pristine about what was going on with his family. You couldn't trust people like her.

I rolled my eyes, "It doesn't matter. Jackie I just want to let you know I'm here for you and the other Hills. Jonah seems like a good guy."

"Thanks man, but why now...why would he come back now?" Jackie asked.


"Have you seen your sister?" I asked Jackie.

"Fuck her," Jackie stated, "If she can't be around for her family then fuck her. No one wants her around anyway."

At that moment I saw Lauren in the background. Shit. She had heard what Jackie had said. She started to walk away almost immediately.


I followed Lauren down the hallway. It was clear she was leaving again. I made my way after her down through twisting hallways until I finally caught back up to her.


She turned around her eyes darting into me with this anger that I couldn't really understand, "What?"

"Lauren , I just want to talk...your brother is back. You've been missing. Jackie didn't he said back there. He was just emotional."

"He did mean it."

I couldn't argue with her. Jackie was always an asshole. Now he was just an asshole who happened to be kind of nice to me now.

"This isn't about Jackie anyway. This is about Jonah. Please come back. He is going to want to see you after the psychiatrist is done interviewing him."

"Fuck Jonah," she stated, "Who gives a fuck about the kid hiding around? This isn't flowers in the attic. He's a loser."

She was so damn cold and hard to get through. For Jonah's sake I was putting up with this but she was SUCH a bitch. She was shitting on him right now and he's done nothing but worry about her as long as I knew him. It was hard putting up with her. Everything about her pissed me off. She was just so ungrateful.

"So what you just going to leave?" I asked.

What was the point of her coming to the hospital in the first place then?

"Exactly," she stated with this coldness that I'd never seen before, "I'm not an ass kisser like you."

"Ass kisser?"

"I actually thought you were different. Look at you now. You are fitting right in with them! You and Jackie are best friends now! You part of that crew. Did you remember all the fucked up things they did to you? Oh no...you don't remember do you? All the times they called you a nigger. All the times they called you a faggot. Now you are best friends with them!"

She was loud...obviously angry. I

"Lauren calm down. I'm not best friends with anyone. I'm trying to start over with Jackie. I still hate Aaryn. I'm still the same Quashie...nothing has changed. I wouldn't be here trying to get through to you right now if I had changed."

"Fuck you! Fuck them! Fuck you...you fucking sellout."

She ran away at that point...very similar to Jonah. Like brother like sister I guess. What was up with these Hills and running away. As she ran away she almost knocked over a nurse and then Ozzie as he walked through the door.

Ozzie rolled his eyes as he walked up to me, "What is eating her now?"

"She thinks I'm a sellout," I said shaking my head.

"Just because we don't want to be losers anymore does not mean we are sellouts," Ozzie stated, "I am riding your coattails into the popular crew. I refuse to spend my high school years being an introvert like Lauren."

"I'm not a sellout Ozzie," I stated.

"Ok, ok...relax. I'm just saying it's not the worst thing in the world. So how is your angel?"

"Let's go see."



When we got back I saw that Jonah was out. Pristine, Jackie and Mr. Hill were all surrounding him. The lawyers, Aaryn and Adrian were hanging back a little bit letting the family get to him. I could tell this was a really big deal to them. I was surprised by there were all smiles. I hung back with Adrian as well watching Jackie still fitted in his angel costume but without the mask this time. They seemed to be asking him a million questions.

His eyes wandered over to me as they were talking to him and I saw him send me a wink.

Pristine and Jackie were the most excited by Jonah being back and rode in the car to the mansion with him as well as the others.

Mr. Hill drove Ozzie and I back to the mansion.


"How's he doing Mr. Hill?" Ozzie had asked in the car.

"He seems well," Mr. Hill stated looking in the rear view mirror at us, "Thank God he's back."

"Did he ever tell the doctors what made him run away in the first place?"

"Supposedly he doesn't want to talk about it," Mr. Hill stated, "We aren't going to press him about it either. Jonah has always been fragile...we wouldn't want him to disappear again. I think now it's up to us to make him feel at home as much as possible."

Jonah wasn't telling anyone. I wasn't surprised about it. I was not surprised that the Hills weren't really pushing it either. They all seemed to hide it away.

I crossed my arms, "Pristine seemed excited."

Mr. Hill nodded, "Yeah she was. I did have a question for you Quashie."


"Did you know he was around? I could have sworn I saw two angels dancing in the middle of the dance floor at the party."

"I'd seen him around but I didn't know who he was exactly. I thought he was just like a pool boy or something," I lied.

"Really...I remember you asking about a Jonah," Mr. Hill stated.

His eyes were digging into me. He wasn't believing a fucking word I was saying and it felt like the nice Mr. Hill was all of a sudden an interrogator. Had Jonah told him anything? I doubted it.

"I knew his name was Jonah, Mr. Hill. I just didn't know it was your son."

"I supposed that makes sense," Mr. Hill said in a low voice. He wasn't entirely convinced.

"Did he tell you anything...anything about his past that seemed a little weird?" Mr. Hill asked.

I shook my head, "No...nothing at all."
Mr. Hill nodded, "I hope I can trust you Quashie. I hope I can trust that if he does tell you anything that you will come tell me or your godmother before you talk to anyone else. Can I trust you Quashie?"

He was PRESSING me.

It made me wonder more. What the FUCK had happened in the past? What were the Hills trying to hide? What were ALL the Hills trying to hide about the story of Jonah disappearing.

"Of course," I lied, "You can trust me."



Pristine had finally given Jonah room to breathe late that night and now it was Jackie and staring at him eat like he was the most amazing thing in the world. His beautiful eyes lifted and saw the two of us looking at him eat ice cream as though it was the best thing in the world. Jackie found it funny how he was eating the ice cream. I found it fucking adorable.

"What?" he asked.

"You like that don't you?" I asked.

"I haven't had it in 7 years," he stated and laughed.

"Preston can you bring my brother some more ice cream," Jackie stated, "It's like crack to him obviously."

Preston brought over more ice cream and I saw Jonah's face light up.

"How was it...to be you..." Jackie asked out of no where.

The question seemed very random but I could tell it was something he had been thinking about.

Jonah's face was still in the bowl of ice cream when he answered, "It was lonely. It was lonely but it was eye opening. It took forever to find what I was looking for."

Jackie crossed his arms, "What were you looking for?"

"Myself. I guess I had to lose myself to find myself," he said.

Jackie looked over at me, "What? Do you get that?"

"Jonah you have to be the most cryptic person I've ever met," I laughed.

Jackie and I exchanged laughs. Jonah had a way of talking that made it seem like he always had some huge deeper meaning. Jonah didn't seem to find it funny. Half his mind wasn't even paying attention to us. He was just looking down at his ice cream.

"I'm glad you are back," Jackie stated, "Hell I'm glad you are ok. It's getting late. Tomorrow Pristine is having a private dinner at the Remedies restaurant to celebrate you coming back. You'll like it."

"Ice cream going to be there?" Jonah asked.

"Yeah. Ice cream will be there," Jackie stated, "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

I told Jackie good night and sat on the stool right next to Jonah. As soon as Jackie left Jonah turned to me and smiled. It was the only time that we had any time to be alone. Those beautiful eyes were looking into me.

"Taste this..."

"I know what ice cream tastes like."

He put his head down, "Oh..."

"Fine. I'll taste it," I gave in.

It was hard to deny Jonah anything. I tried to reach for the spoon but he wouldn't let it go. He grabbed his spoon licked it clean and then grabbed a scoop of the ice cream. Then almost like he was feeding a child he gently scooped the ice cream into my mouth. There was something SO PERFECT about this moment.

Jonah Hill feeding me ice cream!

My heart was bouncing off thewalls.

"How is it?" he asked me in his low, innocent and sexy voice.

"It's better than sex," I stated.

I wasn't really thinking. I was actually joking but the idea of sex seemed to be a little nervous for Jonah.

He looked down at his bowl and licked the spoon he just stuck in my mouth clean. It was hilarious that he didn't want to waste any of it.

"I keep forgetting you had sex with Adrian," he stated, "Multiple times right?"

Embarrassing topic to bring up.

"I'm done with that part of my life."

"You say that now," he told me.

"He was getting oral sex from Jackie's girlfriend. I'm very done."

"Did you tell Jackie?"

I shook my head, "Timing isn't right."

"For who...you or Jackie?"

I didn't know what he meant by that but us talking about Adrian was something that I did NOT want to do.

"Listen all that is pointless. You are here now...for good. That's all that matters."
"Quashie, I never said I was staying..."


"I never said I was staying. I am here because Lauren is going through a lot," he explained, "As soon as I'm comfortable with where my little sister is in life I'm leaving again..."

"Fuck this."

I had walked away.

I expected Jonah to chase me down or ask me what was wrong but he didn't. He let me walk away. That seemed to hurt even more that he didn't chase me down like Adrian would.

I went to bed that night feeling like shit. Jonah was going to leave again just when I got happy with the fact that he had come back in the house. Why did this hurt so much? I had to admit it to myself. I had to admit why I was in my studio staring at an abstract painting.

I was in love with Jonah Hill.


Jonah...I have feelings for you.

Jonah, I'm attracted to you.

Jonah, I love you.

It was an early Saturday when I made my way down the steps and I saw Pristine in the kitchen. She was standing with one of her country club friends having coffee. Immediately I could see hear what she was talking about. She wasn't even trying to hide it. She was talking about the McCoys.

"He's a queer," she stated, "Do you believe that their son is SO uncomfortable that he is staying with us? Could you imagine the McCoy household right now? I could just DIE! I guess that happily ever after isn't exactly what they expected.

She had no sense of emotion.

What was worse was that I went into the next room and I could see Adrian standing against the wall. He was eavesdropping. He was listening to everything. When we exchanged looked he turned around and started to walk away.

"Are you ok?" I asked him.

He sighed deeply, "Besides a joke...I don't mind."

"Are you going running?" I asked, noticing what he was wearing, "Can I come?"

"You want to come? Um...yeah sure...sure..."


I followed close behind the trail that Adrian was running. He was leading on a trail up a mountain or something. I stayed close watching his body as he ran. Before I knew it he was taking off his shirt and tying it around his waist. Adrian had a sexy body. The only person I'd ever met with a body even close was Jackie and that was Jackie on a good day.

He looked stressed but I realized by the time we had gotten past the trail in back of the Hill mountain we were all downhill.

I saw him stopping and waiting for me to catch up and sooner or later he had to stop all together.

It was embarrassing.

"You ok?" he asked as he watched me huffing and puffing. Mind you Adrian wasn't even breathing hard while I was finding it hard to still stand.

"You do this everyday?" I asked.

"Pretty much. It helps to burn the stress. We can walk if you want."

I didn't even want to do that but I decided I had embarrassed myself enough. I walked next to Adrian and took my time.

"What kind of stress you talking about?" I asked.

"You know damn well what kind of stress," he said shaking his head, "I'm dreading going back to school. I can't believe Aaryn let everything out the way she did."
"What did you expect?"

He crossed his arms, "An easy life. Maybe a life where my dad wasn't a fucking sissy...damn no offense."

"You didn't offend me," I rolled my eyes.

"Can you believe that he is planning on leaving my mother to be with a man?" Adrian asked shaking his head, "I don't get that."

"You can't help who you love."

"Yes you can. You can control yourself. Look at what he's doing. My father is destroying my life. He is destroying my mother's life."

I couldn't understand how Adrian could be so upset at time like this. I was getting kind of worried about him. I could tell he had a lot on his mind. He just had this facial expression that said it all.

"Love is different. You should talk to Jonah," I stated crossing my arms, "He has an outlook on life and love. It's like he gets it you know. "

Adrian looked annoyed, "Gets what?"

"Love and life?"

"I'm not fucking talking to your boyfriend about love," Adrian stated, "He can kiss my ass and NOT in the literal sense."

"My boyfriend?"

Adrian rolled his eyes, "Oh please I'm not an idiot. I was watching you two. I saw how you danced like nothing was the matter. All of a sudden he comes around and you lose interest in me. I don't exist to you. You had no issues with what we were doing until he came around."

Adrian looked annoyed.

"He's not my boyfriend."
"So why did you look at him like that."

"Like what?"

"Like my DAD looks at this faggot he's in love with." Adrian asked.

I could tell he was getting pissed. Was this even about me anymore? Was this about his dad? I knew that he was upset. I knew it would be just a matter of time before he confronted me about my friendship with Jonah.

"What if I did have feelings for him?" I asked all of a sudden trying to be honest.

"You're joking me?"

"Why do you even care?" I asked.

"What is this?" Adrian asked, "Is this some weird plan to get me to realize something or to get back at me. This guy could be a lunatic for all you know. Do you even have any idea why he disappeared in the first place."

"Does it matter...he's here now and I think I like him. What more is I think I'm going to tell him how I feel about him."

I studied Adrian's face looking for something...anything.

"You realize you'll be closing the door on anything me and you could possibly have had?" Adrian asked, "You choose now. Is it me or is it him?"

"Are you giving me an ultimatum?"

He nodded, "Yes."

On one side I had a guy obviously attracted to me who didn't believe in gay love and on the other side I had a guy who did believe in love but I had no idea how he felt romantically about me.

"I choose him."