Date: Sun, 23 Jan 2005 22:45:30 EST
From: DomLuka@aol.com
Subject: The Log Way Chapter 16

If you are offended by male/male relationships, or male/male sexual
relationships, then you shouldn't be here in the first place. If this
conduct is illegal in your area, you must EXIT NOW.

This story is not to be copied or posted elsewhere without permission
from the author.

If you are interested in a story about gay teenage males, then please
take your time and enjoy. Feedback/comments/suggestions and even
complaints are welcome at DomLuka@aol.com <mailto:DomLuka@aol.com>

Chapter sixteen: Betrayal

I looked at Tony, questioning him with my eyes, wondering what I should
do now. I was trapped, pinned under Adam's scrutinizing gaze as he
glanced back and forth between Aiden and I.

Aiden had just noticed our unexpected visitor and he stopped in his
tracks, as uncertain as the rest of us, but looked at me with definite
concern. We both knew what this meant. Adam wasn't stupid, and there was
a very good chance that now Aiden wasn't the only one who had been
outed. And it scared the hell out of me.

But, despite my own concerns, when Adam frowned at Aiden, I found myself
protectively standing in front of my boyfriend, composing myself, and
facing the threat head on.

"What do you want, Adam?" I demanded.

Adam blinked, snapping out of his staring spell, and then it became
apparent that he was just as uncomfortable as the rest of us. He seemed
to stare at his shifting feet, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack.

"I wanted to talk to you..." he started, "I mean, I came over because
yesterday...um..." he lifted his eyes, staring at Aiden again.

"Hey." Tony interrupted, "I'm gonna go start breakfast, uh...Aiden, why
don't you..."

"Put on a shirt and come help you?" Aiden smirked, "Sure."

Tony nodded and retreated to the kitchen while Aiden moved for my room,
both of them giving me supportive looks first. When they were gone, Adam
and I were left to stare at each other.

"Uh, maybe we should go outside." I suggested.

Adam just nodded and followed me when I went to the front door, grabbing
my jacket on the way and shrugging it on over my bare shoulders as we
stepped out.

I silently motioned for Adam to go ahead of me, so he moved down the
stairs a few steps, and took a seat there. I remained on the top step
when I sat, wanting to keep a comfortable distance from him.

My head was spinning with questions. Why was Adam here? What was he
thinking? Was I about to be outed with Aiden? It was too early in the
morning to deal with shit like this. I wanted to go back to bed, back to
sleep, where it was safe.

"I didn't realize that Aiden was here." Adam's voice was quiet, but it
still made me jump when it broke the silence.

His voice was neutral and his back was to me, so I couldn't see his
face. I had absolutely no idea what he was thinking and that alone had me
unnerved. I wanted him to turn around. Maybe if I could just see his
eyes, I'd have an idea.

"What are you doing here?" I finally asked, after a few more moments of
silence.

I watched as Adam ran his fingers through his hair, but I still couldn't
see his face. From behind his body language seemed frustrated, and I
wondered if this conversation was going to end badly for a second time.

"You just walked away yesterday." He said.

"What did you expect, Adam?"

"I don't know." he retorted, slightly raising his voice, "What's Aiden
doing here anyways?" there was a hint of resentment in his voice that I
didn't like, and frankly, the question scared me. What was he getting at
anyways?

"If you don't have the guts to ask him that yourself then you don't
deserve to know the answer." I shot back. "And by the way, whatever Aiden
is doing here, he was invited. I don't exactly make a habit out of
inviting people over who aren't my friends, Adam, so why don't you just
say what you came to say and go. School starts in an hour and I'd like
to enjoy the rest of my morning before I have to be there."

I guess I was being rude. But, under the circumstances, being the
gracious host was out of the question. As of yesterday, Adam was no
longer my friend, as far as I was concerned. And, the anger I was feeling
towards him was very real. I mean, who did he think he was? He couldn't
just show up and demand to know why Aiden was there. It was none of his
damn business.

But, I guess Adam disagreed.

"We are friends Owen!" Adam frowned; finally turning his head back to
look at me.

"Friends?" I repeated, "For how long, Adam? Until you find out that
there's something about me you don't like? No thanks. If you treat all
of your friends the way that you're treating Aiden, you can keep your
friendship to yourself."

"Oh - that is so fucked up, Owen." Adam argued, "I wouldn't be here if I
wasn't your friend, and you were a total asshole yesterday."

"Me?" I demanded.

"Yeah, you. For walking away like you did! And I don't understand how
you could let a queer get so close to you, but I never said that I'd
hold it against you. You're the one with the problem, Owen. You're the
one who walked away because you didn't like what I had to say. Well, you
know what? I still want to be friends, even if you do have a fag sleeping
over at your house. You're the one who's pissed because you can't
change the way that I feel. You're the fucking asshole."

"You're right Adam, I can't change the way that you feel." I spat,
"And, as much as I hate it, I'm not even going to try. If you want to
see how wrong you are, go look it up. Homosexuality is not a disease, and
just because Aiden's gay doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve to be
treated like a human being. You found out that he was gay and now you're
treating him like he was never your friend in the first place! And yeah,
Adam, it pisses me off. But if you're gonna be a dumb-fuck, I can't do
a damn thing about it. What I can do is choose my friends, and I don't
want friends who think the way that you do."

"Owen..."

"No, Adam." I stood up, looking down the stairs at him as he did the same
thing. "You know, I thought that you were one of the coolest people I'd
ever met. I don't know, maybe you still are. And you were a good friend,
Adam...but, unless you do start thinking differently, and figure out that
your wrong...so wrong...we can't be friends."

I turned towards my door, disappointed. I had been terrified of Adam when
he had showed up, but I would be lying if I said that a part of me
hadn't been hoping that he had had a change of heart. And I was
disappointed that he hadn't.

"So is that in then?" Adam called after me, obvious anger laced in his
voice. "You can't be my friend anymore because I don't approve of
queers? Because I know that it's unnatural, not to mention just fucking
sick?...Maybe you don't think it's sick `cause you like faggots sucking
on your dick. Maybe that's why Aiden's sleeping at your place. Is that
what it is, Owen, are you a fag too?"

I paused at my door, but I didn't look back this time. I didn't care to
repeat yesterday's experience. I didn't want to see that look again,
not from Adam. I didn't want to see that disgust. As it was, walking
away from him for a second time hurt enough already.

"Think whatever you want Adam."

....................

"Are you sure you're alright?" Aiden asked.

We were parked in the student parking lot, ten minutes before school
started, but I had made no move to turn off the truck or to get out.

After Adam left, I hadn't told Tony or Aiden much of what was said, but
they both knew that it didn't go very well, and Aiden seemed to sense
that I was just about at the end of my stress level.

Today would be the day that everything changed for me, once again.
Perhaps the change wouldn't be as dramatic as I was making it out to be,
but there would be a change. I could feel it.

Today would be the first day that I wouldn't go to the oak tree at
lunch, and I wouldn't hear any of Adam and Shane's usual banter. And
when I saw Ryan in the halls, I would have a new appreciation for him,
knowing that he knew my secret.

And things would be different for Aiden too. He was starting his day with
one less best friend and a new enemy. He would be looking over his
shoulder every time someone said the word faggot in the hallways. He
would be the one waiting for the suspicious looks from his piers, and the
whispers and the judgment. He would be waiting for his entire social life
to change.

Aiden definitely had it worse than I did.

I looked in his direction and forced a smile.

"I'm okay." I nodded, "Are you?"

Aiden's lips curled up and he grinned at me, without even having to
force it. He was so much more confident than I was, and that was only
part of what attracted me to him. I hated that I had to fight off the
urge to lean over and kiss him. It suddenly didn't seem fair, that I
couldn't, just because we were different.

"I'm good." Aiden insisted, "So... are you ready to go in there?"

I let out a breath and turned off the truck, and together we made our way
into the school. I guess that nothing seemed different, except for the
fact that I kept looking around like a paranoid idiot, trying to read the
minds of everyone who happened to look in our direction.

Aiden noticed that I was nervous and nudged me with his shoulder,
flashing me a soft smile that I couldn't help but return, and when the
right side of his lip curled up into a smirk and he winked at me I think
I actually blushed. Aiden just chuckled and lifted his hand to give my
shoulder a squeeze.

"Stop worrying, Owen." He insisted. "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Yeah." I smiled.

I watched Aiden walk away, throwing me a smile over his shoulder as he
went. I had to plant my feet to keep from following after him. I didn't
want to leave him alone, not when I knew that Janie would likely be
causing trouble for him.

I guess I was feeling a little overprotective. Since Janie wanted to ruin
Aiden, and I couldn't stop her, I figured that the least I could do was
be there when it happened. But even that wouldn't be easy when Aiden and
I didn't share any of the same classes.

But, that didn't mean that I didn't try to be near him as much as
possible. After my first few classes I detoured my route to meet Aiden
and walk him to his classes. He, of course, thought that I was being
ridiculous, but the smiles I got from him told me that he didn't mind at
all.

Lunchtime was a new experience for me. I met Aiden, instead of going to
the oak tree. I watched as he inhaled a couple of sandwiches and then I
laughed as he rushed me through eating my lunch. When I was finished, I
followed him around the school, for the first time seeing how he normally
spent his lunch break.

Of course, he was taking pictures. He snapped shots of students and
teachers alike, anyone and everyone. Some people would strike a pose when
they saw him, others would pretend that they didn't notice that the
camera was there, and others ran away.

I didn't mind tagging along at all, even if every time that Aiden lifted
his camera he was completely preoccupied. At least I was with him. I
wondered if Janie was the one who usually walked around with Aiden while
he took his pictures, and stopped every once in a while to say hello to
someone.

That was something that I had noticed. People were generally friendly
towards Aiden. He seemed to know everyone's names, and they seemed to
know his. Of course, it was mostly girls. I will admit that I got jealous
a few times, watching a few of them flirt with him. But when I got the
same treatment, I found it amusing, the way that Aiden would decide that
it was time to excuse ourselves. I guess I wasn't the only one with a
jealous streak.

All and all, lunch was going well. Not that there weren't a few low
points. I did happen to look in Adam's direction at one point, and he
was looking right back at me. I couldn't really read his expression. It
was clear that he was angry with me, but I thought that there was
something else there too. Regret maybe. I'm not sure. Maybe my mind was
just making it up because I was still wishing that Adam and I could
eventually work things out.

But, I was hit with a sharp dose of reality when I noticed that Shane was
back in school, with Adam, and Shane was the one looking at me as if I
had just shit in his sandbox. I guess that meant that Adam had told him
what happened. Obviously, Adam wasn't the only one of my friends who I
had misjudged. I hadn't been as fond of Shane as I was of Adam, but the
angry look in his eyes still hurt.

Aiden caught me staring towards my former friends, and pulled my
attention back to him when he snapped my picture. I looked up and forced
a smile at the thoughtful expression on his face. When Aiden didn't
smile back, I let my fake one fade away and I let out a breath.

"Shane knows." I sighed. "Adam must have told him."

"So what?" he shrugged, "We expected this, Owen."

"From Janie, not from Adam." I frowned.

"If word's going to get out, it doesn't matter how it gets out." Aiden
insisted. "I'm really not worried about it, Owe. If I'm going to come
out, then I can accept that. And you shouldn't worry. Even if Adam
mentions that I was at your place this morning, he has no way of proving
that I was there because of you. If a rumor starts, I could always say
that I was having family problems. I stay over at your place all the time
for that reason anyways."

"No!" I stated, "Aiden, you have enough problems already. No one needs to
know about your mom...I know that it's something that you don't like to
talk about."

Aiden stared at me for a moment. He looked sad, and for a second I
wondered if it had been a mistake to mention his mother. But then he
flashed me a small smile and reached up to squeeze my shoulder.

"Thanks, Owen." He said softly.

I just smiled back at him and we just stared silently at each other for a
few minutes. I'm sure both of us were wishing that we were somewhere
else. Anywhere else; where we could show our affection for each in a more
meaningful way.

But for now, we were stuck with using small, innocent touches and
lingering looks. Not that it wasn't nice, it was. But, I wanted more.
Nothing compared to the way that Aiden felt in my arms, or the way his
lips felt on my mouth. Just thinking about it had me craving it.

I made a note to myself that I would have to get him alone for a few
minutes before I had to go to work later on. Maybe then I could talk him
into sleeping over again. After all, it wasn't like his mom was home
yet. I didn't want him to be all alone, and recently, the nights seemed
to be the only time that we were able to spend any time alone together.

As I stared at Aiden I wondered if he was thinking anything similar. His
hand was still on my shoulder, and I could practically see that he
didn't want to remove it. It seemed so hard not to just reach out and
hug him.

We were both snapped out of our thoughts when we heard loud laughter
coming from a group of girls. I looked in the direction and my eyes
immediately narrowed on Janie, who was among a group of six, all staring
in our direction with malicious glares. At least they seemed malicious to
me. Probably because Janie was with them, and I wouldn't trust her to
save her own mother's life.

Janie glared right back at me and I watched as a cruel smile crossed her
face. I swear I wished that I were enough of an asshole to go over there
and wipe it off. But, I felt Aiden's fingers around my arm and looked at
him as he began to pull me away. He was frowning, and had obviously
noticed Janie too.

"Come on." He insisted, "Let's get out of here."

So we did the only thing that we could do. We walked away.

...................

I walked out of Ryan's downstairs bathroom after my five-minute shower,
as I pulled on my shirt. We had had a good workout, and it had been a lot
better than attending gym class, at least for me. The only thing I
didn't like about it was leaving Aiden alone at school.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked Ryan as I walked past him, through his
living room, heading for the front door.

"Sure." Ryan shrugged, "But what's your hurry? We've got a good twenty
minutes before we have to be back in class."

"I want to meet Aiden when his class gets out." I explained.

Ryan laughed at me, causing me to turn around and glare at him.

"What?" I demanded.

"Nothing." He shrugged, "I guess I'm still getting used to the idea of
the two of you as a couple. That is what you are, right?"

I thought about that for a second and a goofy grin made its way onto my
face. Ryan just laughed again and shook his head.

"Shut up." I smirked, "Let's go."

"Fine." He rolled his eyes and followed me out to my truck. I glanced at
the clock, satisfied that I still had plenty of time to meet Aiden when
his next class got out.

"So, have you tried talking to Adam again?" Ryan asked.

I grimaced and gave a slight nod.

"He showed up at my house this morning." I explained, "It went even worse
than yesterday."

"But he showed up there, right? Maybe that means he wants to try to work
things out, you know?"

"Maybe that's what he wanted," I admitted, "But I don't think it's
something we can work out...Aiden was sort of there when Adam showed up."

"So?"

"Aiden spent the night." I explained. "That's why he was there. Adam saw
him coming out of my room. Aiden wasn't, um...wearing much."

"Ahh. I guess that didn't look so good."

"Probably not to Adam." I frowned. "Before he left, he sort of made a
comment, like he knows that there's something going on between me and
Aiden."

"Do you think he'll start talking?" Ryan asked, "I mean, about what he
saw? If people start talking about Aiden, they're going to be wondering
why he was sleeping at your place and coming out of your room."

"And it's none of their damn business." I frowned.

"True." Ryan smirked. "But what are you going to do if people start
talking about you too?"

"Deal with it, I guess." I shrugged. "I mean, I kind of expect it to
happen. When people start talking about Aiden, they'll probably start
talking about me too, since we've been seen together. And now that Janie
and Adam are both out of the picture, I'll probably be with Aiden a lot.
For now, I guess I'll just be glad that even if the rumors do start, no
one can prove that Aiden and I are anything more than friends."

"And is that what you'll tell people?" Ryan asked.

"For now." I nodded, "I'm not ready to come out, Ryan. I think I can
handle the rumors, but as soon as people know for sure..."

"Hey, no one's gonna know unless you tell them, Owen. And don't worry,
I'll keep an eye out for you guys too."

"Thanks Ryan."

Ryan reached over and playfully punched my shoulder as we pulled into the
student parking lot, and then we walked into the school together. The
halls were still empty, because class hadn't let out yet. Ryan continued
to walk with me, and we were half way to Aiden's class to meet him when
the bell rang and the halls quickly crowded.

I didn't usually run into Adam during school. Actually, the only time I
ever really saw him was at lunch because our classes were nowhere near
each other. So, I wasn't really expecting to have to face him again
until tomorrow, at least.

I never would have expected to see him walking through the halls,
laughing with Dennis Gordon's friend, Phil Clayton, as if they had
always been the best of friends.

Adam hated that guy. He hated all of Dennis's friends, and if I
remembered correctly, Phil had often made a point to target Adam for some
of his bullying in the past, just as Dennis did.

I, personally, had never really said much to Phil. The only time I had
ever seen him was when he was playing backup for Dennis. But the few
times I had encountered Phil Clayton were enough to convince me that I
didn't like him.

And now he was with Adam. It was like watching a train wreck. I didn't
want to look but something about the two of them seemed so incredibly out
of place that I couldn't take my eyes off the scene.

And then Adam saw me.

His smile faded and I think he paled at least three shades before his
cheeks turned red. Was he blushing? Maybe he was. I couldn't tell, but
to me, Adam looked almost, ashamed.

And then Phil spotted me. Unfortunately, they didn't keep walking;
instead Phil grabbed Adam's shoulder and pulled him in my direction.

"What the fuck is this?" Ryan muttered next to me. He was obviously
thinking the same thing that I was.

"Look who it is!" Phil sneered with a louder than normal ring to his
voice, looking at me. "Hey Adam, where do you suppose his boyfriend is?"

So Adam had been talking to Phil Clayton, huh? I glared at Adam,
obviously pissed off. For a guy who claimed that he wanted to be my
friend, just that morning, he certainly had an interesting way of showing
it. At least Adam had the decency to look embarrassed.

"What the fuck are you talking about Phil?" Ryan frowned, "And I don't
think I gave you permission to talk to my friend, so why don't you just
keep walking?"

I felt Ryan's hand on my shoulder, and somehow, just knowing that he was
there calmed me considerably. But, I was definitely upset. With Adam. I
couldn't even look at Phil. I could do little more than stare down my
former friend, while Adam looked everywhere but into my eyes.

"Shut up Sader." Phil retorted, "I'm not talking to you." And then he
moved in front of me, practically forcing me to look at him. "I'm
talking to you, Dovan. I've gotta question for ya."

I held my breath and forced myself to meet Phil Clayton's eyes. He was
using a loud voice, and I could sense people looking at us, lingering in
the hallways, pretending that they had something important to do there.

"So ask it." I said.

Phil smirked; looking like he had just beaten me at some game.

"I hear your buddy Aiden Knightly's a queer and dumped his girlfriend
because you were a better fuck. Is that true, Dovan? Are you a better
fuck? Is that why you have a queer sleeping in your bedroom?" he was
getting closer and my nose turned up at the foul smell of fish sticks on
his breath, left over from lunch. "Do you like shoving your dick up
Knightly's faggot ass, huh? Or is it the other way around? I bet he
really likes that. What do you think? Are you a better fuck, Dovan?"

"Jesus, Phil." I heard Ryan say, "Are you asking him out or something?
What's with the sudden fascination you have with Owen's dick and what
he does with it?"

"Shut up Sader!" Phil shouted.

I felt Ryan's hand leave my shoulder and sensed trouble when he took a
step forward. He was only a little taller than Phil, but when Phil had to
arch his neck to look into Ryan's eyes, he seemed to realize that he was
probably picking a fight that he couldn't win.

"Back off Phil." Ryan said. He used a normal, calm voice, but there was
something about it that told me that Ryan was anything but calm, and I
found myself reaching up and touching his shoulder.

"Forget this asshole, Ryan." I insisted, and then cut a sharp look at
Adam and added, "Both of them."

Adam lowered his eyes, but Phil backed off with a smirk.

"I should have known you were queer, Dovan." Phil laughed, "After all,
you're one of Sader's friends...come on Adam, let's get away from the
faggots before I get sick."

I was still glaring at Adam as he slowly followed Phil down the hall,
still unable to look at me. In that moment, I wasn't sure which one of
them I hated more.

And now I was uncomfortable. People were still looking. At me. And there
were whispers. I didn't like the attention, and suddenly I wished that I
could be invisible again. The rush of fear and paranoia rushing through
my chest made it difficult to breathe, and I couldn't seem to get any of
my thoughts straight.

What the hell had just happened? Was I out? Had I just been outed? By
Adam?

I didn't get much to time to think about it when Ryan suddenly moved
ahead of me with stiff shoulders and a determined look on his face.

"Adam!" Ryan shouted in his deep voice. He sounded angry. I don't think
I had ever really heard Ryan sounding angry before. I didn't really care
for it. Adam stopped and looked back nervously, along with everyone else
in the hall.

"Is that what I am?" Ryan asked Adam, "Is that what Owen is? Are we
faggots, Adam?"

While he spoke, Ryan advanced on Adam and I could see Adam visibly
shrinking before my eyes. He was terrified. I was torn between making
Ryan stop and joining him. As much as I couldn't stand Adam right now,
my heart at least, still thought of him as a friend. I didn't want to
see him hurt. Or scared.

When Phil turned around and got between Ryan and Adam, Ryan hardly
flinched as he reached out and shoved Phil away one-handedly. It seemed
like such an innocent gesture, but Phil's body flew back against a row
of lockers and he actually lost his balance and fell down, as every other
person in the hall seemed to gasp or take a step away from one pissed off
Ryan.

"I told you to back the fuck of Phil!" Ryan shouted before turning his
attention back to a cowering Adam. "Well Adam? Are you going to fucking
answer me? Am I a queer? Huh? Is Owen? Sounds like that's what you're
telling people. Why don't you say it to my face now?"

"I...I didn't say anything about you, Ryan, I swear." Adam insisted in a
small voice.

"But you did say something about Owen, didn't you?" Ryan demanded,
stopping just in front of Adam, towering over him. "Is that how you treat
your friends, Adam?"

"Ryan." I called, deciding to intervene. "Let's just..."

"Hey," Ryan glanced back at me, "Aren't you supposed to be meeting
someone?"

"Ryan." I frowned.

"Don't worry about it." Ryan insisted, grabbing hold of the collar of
Adam's shirt without even looking at him, while Adam took a defensive,
wide-eyed step back, "You go ahead Owen, I'm gonna teach this little
shit here how I treat people who fuck with my friends."

If Ryan hadn't winked at me I might have thought that he would actually
hurt Adam. But, if I had believed that Ryan was capable of doing
something like that, I wouldn't have just stood there while he dragged
Adam down the crowded hall, despite the younger boys protests.

I didn't stand there for long. People were still staring and I needed to
get away from it, but after taking two steps forward I realized that
there was a familiar face, blending in with the crowd, and I stopped
again.

Aiden caught my eyes and nodded his head, motioning for me to follow him,
so I quickly moved in his direction, ignoring the stares and the angry
glare that Phil Clayton shot me.

Aiden walked ahead of me, and I followed him down a hall and through a
classroom that I had never been to before, where he opened a door in the
back. I followed him inside, turning up my nose at the smell of chemicals
as he closed the door to the darkroom and flicked on the red light.

"Did you see that?" I asked before he even had the door closed. Aiden
turned to look at me under the dim light and nodded.

"Are you okay, Owen?"

"Uh-huh." I nodded.

"Don't worry about Adam, Ryan won't hurt him." Aiden insisted.

"I know." I nodded, looking around the room. I wasn't really interested
in anything in particular, I was just feeling nervous. But, when I felt
Aiden's hand on my shoulder I turned and forced myself to look at him,
trying to keep the deer-in-headlights look off my face.

"Owen, are you okay?" He asked again.

This time I shook my head slowly, and didn't stop shaking it until Aiden
wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. I dropped my
backpack so could hug him, burying my face in his neck and inhaling his
scent against the smell of the chemicals.

"Adam told Phil Clayton." I mumbled. "Phil Clayton! He might as well have
gone straight to Dennis fucking Gordon! Why would he do that, Aiden? Is
he trying to hurt me?"

"Maybe." Aiden sighed.

I pushed away from him a little to look at his face. Obviously, I had
been hoping for something a little more reassuring than `maybe.' The
right side of Aiden's lip curled up into a half smile at the look on my
face and he gave a small shrug.

"Well, you hurt him, Owen."

"I hurt him?" I demanded, letting go of Aiden altogether.

"Owen, the kid looks up to you. What did you expect? Adam's like Janie.
He doesn't understand homosexuality and he thinks you're choosing a
`fag' over him. To Adam that's a huge insult."

"It wouldn't be if he knew that I was a fag too." I spat, "Which, he
can't possibly know for sure, by the way. Not that not knowing stopped
him from telling people that I am."

"Yeah." Aiden nodded, "That was fucked up. But, I still say he did it
because he was hurt. And, we can deny what he said, Owen. All anyone
needs to know is that we're just friends, whether or not they think I'm
gay. If we're really careful, no one has to think that about you."

I closed my eyes and took in a breath. Damn it. Could I be any more
selfish? Aiden probably had it worse than I did, because he had admitted
being gay to Janie and people would probably believe her. He'd also been
friends with Janie a lot longer than I'd been with Adam, so if this was
hard on me then I'm sure that it felt disastrous for Aiden.

Yet, there he was, being the voice of reason and insisting that my secret
could still be safe. I had managed to make this situation all about me,
and Aiden was going right along with it, reminding me why he was so much
more than just a boyfriend.

"Shit." I muttered as I placed my hands on Aiden's hips and pulled him
back to me, leaning forward so that my cheek rested lightly against his.
"I'm sorry, Aiden. I'm being an asshole."

He wrapped an arm around my neck and tilted his head slightly to kiss my
forehead.

"No you're not, Owen. You're upset, and acting completely normal under
the circumstances."

"Then how are you acting?" I asked, holding onto him a little tighter.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think that you weren't upset about any
of this."

"Oh, I'm upset," he half chuckled, but his tone was serious. "In my last
class a guy I've known since kindergarten refused to sit in the seat
next to me, where he's been sitting all year borrowing pencils. He
wasn't a really good friend, but it still hurt Owen. It hurts worse
knowing that the reason for it is my best...that the reason is Janie."

"Wait." I frowned, "Then it's already started with you? People are
talking?"

"This is high school, Owen." Aiden smirked, "If a rumor's good enough,
people are going to latch onto it."

"Fuck." I cursed, "I'm sorry, Aiden."

"Hey," he smiled, "I was expecting it, remember? And it's not so bad.
I've still got my real friends. And you."

"And me." I nodded, forcing myself to return his small smile.

Aiden leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on my lips. I cupped the
back of his head, just holding him there a little longer until I was able
to take a step back and compose myself, locking my fingers with his as he
held my hand.

"I'm working until seven tonight." I said, "Am I going to see you? I
mean, I know you want to be home because your mom isn't there, but..."

"You'll see me." Aiden promised, pulling me in for another quick hug,
"But I'm working tonight, too. I won't be off until eight."

"You'll come by then?"

"I'll come by." He grinned, "Now, come on. We're already late for
class, and if we're trying to avoid rumors, we might not want to be seen
together leaving a darkroom."

"Shit." I laughed, grateful that at the moment that there was no
photography class in session.

..................

"Jesus Christ! Are you trying to kill me?"

"Just relax, baby, let it happen. You're all tight. Once I get you
loosened up it'll feel great, I promise."

"That's what you said the last time!"

"And you loved it the last time."

"If you think I loved not being able to walk straight for a week, then
you're sadly mistaken. Now get off of me before I need an emergency trip
to the chiropractor."

"It wouldn't be so bad if you'd stop moving so much, now just hold
still..."

"Ouch!"

Confused? Well, so was I when I reached my front door and heard this
conversation inside of my apartment. I had just gotten home from work and
as usual, I was tired, smelly, and covered in paint, and now voices I
didn't recognize were coming from my front door. And honestly, after
hearing the conversation I wasn't so sure that I wanted to go inside.

But, I found myself opening the front door anyways, and I wasn't sure if
I was more shocked or relieved to see Ben and Leo in the middle of the
living room floor. Leo was face down and stretched out while Ben was
straddling his legs, giving Leo what looked like a very painful massage.

When I walked through the door they both looked up and smiled. Well, I
think Leo was trying to smile. It looked more like a painful grimace.

"Owen!" Ben grinned, "Where've you been? I don't think I've seen you
since our party. And look at you!" he sat back, resting his butt on
Leo's ass and making himself comfortable as he tapped his chin with his
index finger, which I'm pretty sure was manicured, as he gave me the
once-over. "Did I ever mention that I love a man in uniform?"

I looked down at my paint covered blue jumpsuit, wondering if it
qualified as a uniform while Leo suddenly turned, forcing Ben off of him
and then sitting up.

"Ignore him, Owen." Leo smirked, "He's just trying to make you blush."

"It's working." I joked, as I closed the door and moved inside, "So what
are you guys doing here?"

"Waiting on Tony." Leo explained as he stood and then helped Ben to his
feet. "He went to pick up Jake at the club and then we're going out to
dinner. I hope you don't mind us invading your space for a little
while."

"No problem." I insisted, "Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"Oh, you are just too sweet." Ben smirked at me, "So polite."

"We're fine." Leo insisted as he wrapped his arm around Ben's waist and
pulled him up against his side like a piece of a puzzle. I couldn't help
noticing how well they seemed to fit together, even in small gestures.

When I realized that I was staring I forced myself to look away and
cleared my throat.

"Um, I'm gonna go get cleaned up." I said, "It was nice seeing you guys
again."

I went to take my shower, expecting Leo and Ben to be gone by the time I
came out. But, I couldn't help thinking about them while I washed the
day's grime from my skin.

I thought about the way that they were so openly affectionate with each
other, kissing, hugging, laughing, teasing, bickering. They acted like
any normal couple.

But they were a normal couple. I mean, why did it seem so strange to call
them normal just because they were two guys and not a guy and a girl?
They acted normal. They did normal couple things. They were normal.

I wondered if that was the benefit of being out of the closet. To able to
hold someone's hand, or give them a lingering hug, even a kiss on the
cheek; without worrying about whether or not someone saw you. I wondered
if that was something that I wanted with Aiden.

Of course it was.

Only, to have that with Aiden, we'd both have to be out of the closet,
and I was still trying to burry myself in it. I was still afraid of the
bad side of coming out. I'd been through the bad part before, and I
didn't care to repeat it. It was bad enough having Adam and Shane hating
me. I'm not sure I could deal with anyone else. Not that I really had
any other friends that mattered, but still.

I had accepted that I was gay, obviously. I had admitted it to myself a
long time ago. And since then, I'd grown. The list of people who knew my
secret was growing. The list of people I trusted was growing. Those were
good things.

But being honest with the rest of the world wasn't something that I felt
I was ready for. Not yet, and I kept telling myself not ever. But, seeing
Ben and Leo together made me think about what I really wanted. And what I
really wanted was the right to a normal relationship with Aiden, the same
right that straight couples had with their boyfriends and girlfriends. At
least, I didn't think it was too much to ask for.

When I finished with my shower, Leo and Ben were still there, but now, so
were Tony and Jake. When I first walked down the hall I noticed the two
couples on opposite sides of the sofa.

Leo had his arm around Ben again, and was lazily running his fingers
through Ben's hair. The two of them didn't seem to need to keep a
conversation going to be together, the closeness seemed like enough for
them. I don't think I could ever picture one of them without the other;
they seemed so very natural together.

On the opposite side of the sofa, there was Tony and Jake. Tony was on
the couch while Jake sat on the floor, his right arm lifted to hold
Tony's hand and his head resting against Tony's knee, as my brother
leaned forward, looking at Jake's face while they silently spoke to each
other. Their relationship seemed newer, like they were both still hanging
on to every word.

With both couples, comfortable in the living room, I realized that I
missed Aiden already. He had promised to come over and I hoped that it
would be soon. Between Jake and Tony, and Leo and Ben, I almost felt like
I was imposing on something, so I began to back down the hallway,
deciding to wait in my room. But, I wasn't fast enough and Tony spotted
me.

"Owen."

I turned back, smiling at my brother as I stood in the hall.

"Hey," I said, "I was just gonna go hang out in my room for a while..."

"Dude, get out here." Leo grinned.

"Yeah, no hiding allowed," Ben said, "we have an errand for you to run
anyways."

"Hey!" Leo scolded his boyfriend, tickling Ben's ribs and throwing him
into a fit of giggles as I moved into the living room and looked at Tony.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Actually," Tony said, "we've decided to eat in tonight. You interested
in running out real quick?"

"Sure." I shrugged, "Where to?"

"You're pick." Tony smiled at me, handing me a few folded bills.

"Nothing too spicy." Ben warned.

"Yeah," Leo laughed, "You'll be sorry later if you feed Ben anything
spicy." His remark earned him a jab in the ribs.

"I'll remember that." I smirked.

"Hey, Owen," Jake said, "I haven't seen Aiden in a while, are guys
still...hanging out?"

"Yeah." I smiled, "He said he'd stop by tonight, should be here soon,
actually."

"We'll make sure he waits for you if he shows up." Tony winked at me.

I nodded and then I was out the door, wondering where I could get
non-spicy, descent, yet quick food. I didn't want to be gone for an hour
when Aiden was supposed to be coming over. I ultimately decided that
everyone was going to have to be happy with burgers.

The guys were grateful for the food when I got back home, but Aiden
hadn't shown up yet and it was already eight thirty. He should have been
back from work by now, and I wondered where he was. I was just about to
go downstairs and knock on his door, when he showed up.

Ben was the one who answered the door, and he gave Aiden a big hug as he
came in. I think Aiden was surprised to find everyone there, but after
saying hello to everyone he seemed to adjust quickly, hanging his jacket
before he finally came over to me and made himself comfortable.

Actually, Aiden made himself really comfortable, surprising the hell out
of me. He walked over to the recliner I was sitting in and sat down half
on the arm of the chair and half on my lap, leaning in and kissing me
right on my stunned lips.

I hardly had time to respond before his tongue slipped into my mouth and
pressed lightly against mine. It wasn't that I didn't like it; I was
just surprised because I had never kissed anyone in front of so many
people before, at least not another boy.

But, the room was safe and I got over my hesitation quickly enough,
cupping the back of his head and gripping his ponytail, dragging him
closer as I kissed him back, wrapping an arm around him and guiding him
further into my lap.

"Hey." Aiden smiled when we finally separated. I know I was blushing.
That's probably why Aiden laughed at me. But, the rest of the room had
gone silent.

I forced myself to look around, finding that Jake and Tony were simply
smiling at us while Ben was full on grinning. Leo just gave us a nod and
winked at us before turning to drop a kiss on Ben's cheek.

"Hungry, Aiden?" Tony asked, tossing him a burger.

"Thanks." Aiden smiled, "What's everyone doing here?"

"We we're gonna go out." Jake explained, "But decided that it was just
easier to stay in."

"How did school go for you guys today?" Tony asked us.

"Oh yeah." Leo frowned, "Ryan mentioned that you were having trouble with
Janie, Aiden."

I frowned at the mention of Janie, and Aiden leaned closer against me.

"Yeah." Aiden nodded, "You could say that."

"Your trouble with Janie wouldn't have anything to do with Ryan
terrorizing her little brother at our place today, would it?" Leo asked.

I looked at Aiden and my eyes widened.

"Shit." I cursed. "I forgot about Adam."

"Don't worry." Aiden insisted, "Ryan wouldn't hurt him."

"No," Jake shook his head, "but there was a lot of yelling. What's going
on?"

I looked at Tony, and when he shrugged, I realized that besides Aiden and
I, Tony was the only one in the room who knew about the troubles that
Aiden and I were having at school. I wasn't sure that I wanted to get
into it either, but I still looked at Aiden, wondering what he wanted to
do, and after smiling at me, Aiden began to tell everyone what was going
on with Janie.

I was surprised that he was talking about it. Before, he had wanted to
keep things quiet, but I guess something had changed. As I listened to
Aiden talk, I began to realize that he really was upset over what was
happening.

Really upset.

I hadn't noticed before. Maybe I wasn't being observant about it, or
maybe he was just hiding it well. It seemed to be his talk with Janie
that had gotten to him the most.

"It was like everything she ever told me was a lie." He explained, "I
mean, I thought I knew her, and then...she said that she always thought I
was sick. Everything was a lie with her. It wasn't supposed to be that
way. I mean, I trusted her, and God...she knows everything about me. Now,
she's taking everything I told her and using it against me."

I squeezed Aiden's hand and looked at the three other sympathetic faces
around the room. Ben was just scowling.

"I always knew she was a bitch." Ben remarked.

"Ben." Leo scolded, pinching his boyfriend's side.

"What?" Ben demanded, "Jeeze, I'm just saying what everyone here's
thinking."

"Real sensitive." Leo frowned.

"It's okay." Aiden sighed, "It's true. I just wish I could have seen it
before."

"It's not your fault." I insisted, "She had you fooled Aiden, and look
at Adam, he had everyone fooled."

"Adam, that's the brother, right?" Jake asked.

"Yeah." I nodded, "He found out Aiden was gay and he didn't take it good
either."

Aiden started talking again, mentioning our day at school. He told
everyone how Janie had started the rumors, and then how Adam had done
some talking of his own, and how Adam ended up with Ryan.

By the end of it, I was feeling exhausted. Just hearing about it made me
sick to my stomach and wore me out. I didn't want to think about Janie,
I didn't want to think about Adam, and I definitely didn't want to
think about being outed at school.

But, I think talking about it helped Aiden. As he told the story he began
to relax against me, and I hoped that getting it out was helping him in
some way. When he was finally finished, Leo whistled and looked back and
forth between us.

"So what are you guys going to do?" Leo asked.

"Take it one day at a time." Aiden shrugged, "There's not much else we
can do. We'll deny that Owen is gay, and as long as no one can prove
otherwise, it should be fine."

"But what about you?" Jake asked, "Are you ready for this, Aiden?"

"I think I am." Aiden replied, but something in his voice seemed less
confident than normal, "I mean, I don't really have a choice in the
matter, you know? But, I've thought about coming out before...I think
I'm gonna be okay."

"Shit." Jake shook his head. "No way would I have ever come out in high
school if I could avoid it. I waited until after I graduated, then, I
just didn't care what people thought."

"I don't exactly have the option to wait." Aiden pointed out.

"Sorry," Jake smiled sheepishly, "I guess your situation's kinda tough."

"Ben didn't really have a choice either," Leo said. I noticed that he
and Ben looked at each other when they said it; Leo looked a little sad,
while Ben just looked annoyed.

"I never told anyone." Ben insisted, "The rumors just started, they just
happened to be true rumors, that's all. I have no idea how people found
out."

The serious tone in Ben's voice had a few of us trying to hold back our
smiles. Whether or not the rumors had been true, Ben was just like your
average stereotype. The fact that rumors had been started about him just
didn't surprise me, as sad as it was.

Leo just fondly smiled at Ben and squeezed his thigh.

"Babe, you know people found out because you were always looking at the
cute boys."

"Maybe a little." Ben admitted

Leo laughed and threw his arm over Ben's shoulder again before directing
his attention back to us.

"You guys are in a difficult situation." Leo nodded. "I'll give you
that. But, it's not just you, Aiden. I'm not trying to scare you Owen,
but all of that shit that Adam let slip today, true or not- people are
going to grab onto that. I mean, sure, you guys can deny it, but how long
are you going to keep that up for? It's going to get old, believe me it
will. Me and Ben, we denied that anything was going on between us for a
while, and I just got sick of it."

"We both did." Ben frowned.

"But then we got caught making out behind the gym by some guy." Leo
smirked. "I can't even remember who he was now, but we pretty much
figured out that as soon as he started talking it would all be over."

"What did you do?" I asked curiously, feeling a sense of familiarity in
Leo's story.

"I said fuck it." Leo shrugged, "What else could I do? I mean, I could
wait around for the rumors to get out of hand, or I could beat all of the
assholes to it. Before anyone really had a chance to out me, I outed
myself."

"I'll say." Ben smirked, "Instead of telling a few people and letting it
spread, Leo decided that the next time he made out with me, it would be
in a public place so anyone could see it- he did it right in the
courtyard the next day before school."

"Didn't that cause a lot of trouble for you?" I asked, both intrigued by
the idea and terrified of it.

"Some." Leo nodded thoughtfully, "But, then again, I was trouble for
anyone who wanted to start trouble with me...you see Owen, people are
going to talk, no matter what. It's the way you handle it that matters.
If you let them get to you, if you let them take away your ability to
walk through school with your head held up - then they win. If you let
them know that you don't give a fuck, that you are who you are and
anyone who has a problem with it can eat shit, then most people forget
about it pretty fast. I mean, I won't lie to you. I did get more trouble
than I would have if I hadn't come out, but I was also ready to fight
anyone who had a problem with me."

"He's not telling you to get into fights." Tony interrupted, cutting a
sharp look at Leo.

"I know." I smirked.

"Look," Leo sighed, "all I'm saying is, that you have options. If you
don't want to come out, then don't if you have that option. Who knows,
maybe you and Aiden will pull off just denying it. And you, Aiden, maybe
you can't stop Janie from outing you, and maybe you've already accepted
that it's going to happen, but you don't have to let her win. Let
everyone who starts bugging you know that you don't give a shit. You
can't hide from it, but maybe you can control some of it."

Aiden just stared at Leo, as he rested his head against mine. I still
didn't have any desire to come out. But, I guess Aiden and I both had a
few things to think about now.

There was no way that I would want to fight off everyone who did have a
problem with me if I came out. But, it would be nice, to walk down the
hall with my head held up, not caring what anyone, except for those who I
cared about, thought of me. It would at least be nice to hold Aiden's
hand whenever I wanted, without caring about what would happen if I did.

After that discussion, the conversation turned to lighter topics, and it
was past eleven by the time that Ben started yawning, and Leo announced
that they should get going.

Tony was looking at Jake, and I had a feeling that my brother wanted to
ask Jake to sleep over, but didn't want to ask in front of all of us.
That's when Aiden saved him the trouble.

"If everyone's tired, why not just stay here?" Aiden asked, "I mean,
I'm all alone downstairs...um, Owen could stay with me tonight. If
that's okay with you, Tony." Everyone laughed at his nonchalant
suggestion and Aiden blushed a little.

"That's a nice offer, Aiden," Tony smiled, "but you're asking the wrong
person."

Aiden looked at me and grinned so I just shrugged.

"Leo and Ben can take my room." I offered, "If no one feels like
driving."

"We'll keep the bed warm for you." Ben remarked, and I groaned.

And we all knew where Jake was going to sleep.

I had only been in Aiden's apartment once, and I wondered if it would
feel any different sleeping over there, instead of in my own bed. I guess
it didn't matter, as long as Aiden was with me. We would get our time
alone, and hopefully, get our minds off whatever drama we would be
dealing with tomorrow.

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