Date: Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:28:17 EDT
From: HnstSkr4@aol.com
Subject: The Mirror and Nothing More - Chapters 1 - 4

Warning:  This story doesn't contain any sex.  It's  the story of gay teens.

None of the characters are based on real  people nor are they meant to
resemble any living or dead people.

Let  me know what you think of the story by emailing me at _Hnstskr4@aol.com_

I own all rights to this story.  Chuck B.


I'm Alex, and I'm eighteen. I'm also gay, and today just might be the day,
that I tell my parents that. Fear has held me tightly and kept me from
telling them. Luckily, I have my full length mirror and the guy who sits
just behind the glass. Together, my reflection and me spend time together
talking about how I should let them know. Sadly, my words never sound just
right, so I postpone my speech. What makes it worse, is that I've not
dropped any clues.  For some guys, telling their parents has been easy.
Bravery must be their mild names. For me, it's a combination of fear and
not wanting to rock the boat. It's my senior year in school, and I want to
finish the year without any drama. I've played on the football team and
wrestled all through school.  Being at a small school, my coming out would
spread like wild fire. Gossip travels faster than any email around my
school. I don't visit gay chat rooms. I don't have any caches of porn or
shirtless pictures of hunks lurking around my computer or my room. I do
have some fitness magazines, but I also work out. It's pretty common
knowledge that I've even had a girlfriend or two, even though I know there
isn't any sexual attraction. I don't even have anyone to spill my guys too,
only my mirror.

I can literally throw my soul into that mirror and it will never leak my
words. I do have a journal but I don't entirely trust my family not to read
it, so anything about me and being gay stays between my mirror and me. My
feelings stay between my mirror, my reflection, and me. It would be nice to
talk to a live person, but that would mean dropping my guard. When it comes
to dropping my guard, well I'm not too good at doing that, so we will just
have to see what happens. By the way, it's too late now to say anything
today so, my parents won't know about me till another day.

Chapter 2

I'm in the halls between classes, when I hear "Hey fag!".  I thought
perhaps someone was using the word as a joke between pals. Sadly, I thought
wrong. I turned my head to see one of my team-mates with girlfriend in
tow. He was belittling an openly gay kid, much smaller than him. I stood
there in a brain freeze unable to think.

"Should I step in or just move on?" I thought to myself as I watched.  I
decided to move on when I saw witnessed the girlfriend hand the kid a
book. I thought maybe it was over since the kid had a smile, but then with
a shove, my team-mate walked away from the kid. He stumbled and dropped his
books to the floor, and then somehow he too dropped down to the ground. I
had to do something; I couldn't just see that and not help out. I used my
strength, which didn't take much to lift this kid up from off the ground. I
then knelt down and picked up his books. It was great to see the smile on
his face.  "Hi, I'm Alex!", "I'm Jeff.", we exchanged names and gave a
quick handshake before walking away. Did I just break my vow to stay inside
my closet till after graduation? Did anyone see my outstretched hands?  It
really doesn't matter, if they did, because it felt right helping him
out. I should have done more for him. I should have told my friend to back
off.  What's wrong with me?  I know this much, it won't happen again,
because it just was not fair. How would I feel if someone called me a fag
to my face?

Chapter  3

I was in school the other day, when my current events teacher mentioned a
name.  The name stuck out in my mind all day. I couldn't shake it, it just
wouldn't leave. I pondered all day on this name, and just why he was
mentioned in a current events class. None of my friends seemed troubled by
this guy's name, so why must I be troubled all day.

After school, I went home and entered his name into a search, what came up
made me a bit sick. I read about the attack and how he was left. Now I knew
why his name was brought up in a discussion on hate and on hate crimes. My
teacher said, she'll never forget Matthew Shepherd, and now I'm sure, that
he'll reside in my memory for a very long time.

I spoke to my teacher after class the next day. We spoke of Matthew, and
questioned anyone could do, what was done to Matthew. I thought for a
second, that she might burst into tears. I asked her why she got so upset,
and shelooked me right in the eyes, and she stared for a second or two
before she asked me why I cared so much. I told her that I was gay like
Matthew. She said okay, and then she smiled and spoke again,

"Me too!"

Chapter  4

Hey Mirror, it's Alex again. I've finally reached a point in my life, where
I'm ready to tell my parents. I don't know why, the time just feels right
to tell my parents. Right now in this minute, this hour, my parents will
know their son a little bit more. I want them to see me just as I am. Even
if, I can't control their reaction to my words, I hope hate is not forced
upon me. I'll gather myself up and head into the furnace.

They're sitting in the living room, one reading and one doing a puzzle. My
heart is thumping, so hard that it might tear right out of my chest. I can
feel my courage slipping as my feet move towards their location. I want to
climb back up the stairs and leave it for another day. Maybe today, I am
just too weak to speak my mind. I think, they smell the fear in my chest
and I know they can see the sweat as it pours down my face. Even now I am
trying to be perfectly calm as I ready myself to open my mind and speak
out. A sound echoes in my throat and catches their attention. Four eyes
lock on me as if to aim a missile my way. I don't believe that I can just
take back my appearance into the room. Mom's book is laid down upon her
lap, and dad's pencil is placed in the hold of his book.  My voice trembles
ever so slightly as my mouth says "Mom, dad, I think you need to know, that
I'm gay." Waves of fear sweep out across this room. I wait. Mom and dad
come on just speak.

Please mom and dad say a word, please don't just stare. Dad stands up and
reaches out his hands to me. I find myself enclosed in his arms as he
speaks "We already knew Alex. Mom heard you one night as you spoke in your
room. We spent that night talking about how much we loved you, and agreed
between us that nothing would change between you and us." They already know
my struggles to speak my mind. Why did I fear their love would be rejected
from me?" Mom is smiling as she looks up into my eyes "You worked so hard
on what you would say. You had to be ready to tell us yourself, up to know
you were not prepared." Now I'm smiling for the first time today. Now, I'm
not sure what to say to my folks. "I love you guys!" is all I can muster
before my eyes eject glad tears. They each embrace me in a hold that is
warm with love.