The New Yorker
Chapter 2 : Dreamer, Desperation and Destination

" Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing, 'Outbrook Jock.' " He turned around at me and smiled.

It was Brian! I couldn't believe it! This supposed stalker was Brian!
" Me? Oh, I'm, um..." I wasn't sure what to tell him. He called me Outbrook Jock, which means he knew about me being on the football team! What could he think I was doing here?
"..I'm watching a friend of mine. Yeah, a friend." I was very close to getting caught!
" Really.. I thought you'd be at Brad's party by now, with the rest of the bashers..."
" Hey! That's not fair, you're the one who's all George Michael to everyone. How'd you think they were going to act?"
" You wouldn't understand!" He yelled at me. Some of the people were staring at us now.
Neither of us said anything for a while. Brian turned around with he back on the seat.
" You know, my father used to play in a symphony," He said to me. " Was a great trumpet player. Also liked jazz too. He was so happy back then.. We were all happy back then...."
I couldn't say anything. He was so happy in school around everyone else, even though alot of people hated him and didn't know who he was at all, but by himself in a place where things like that don't even matter, he seemed very insecure... Irony was the thought that came to mind, when suddenly hands were placed on both of my shoulders.
" Hey, Darien, now that you know the stalker a little too well-" Chris said
" Stalker?!" Brian yelped.
"-we have to get going, it's almost time to play soon," Paula noted, standing behind me.
" Play? You're in the Symphony, Darien?" Brian asked.
" Um..well...yeah." I gave up. There was no point in denying it now...
" Come on, let's go!" Chris shoved me backstage, into the "practice room," as I had called it. This was the room where we wound tune our instruments to see if they were ready. However, we were only going to spend a minute inside before we went on stage to practice our new music.
I took out my violin and plucked some of my strings. It was slightly out of tune. As I pulled the fine tuners, I thought about what Brian would do to me once we went back to school. I already knew that he wasn't too friendly with Garrett, as he regarded him as one of the "bashers" that would be at the party. And he probably was insulted when I made that George Michael comment as well. So all he had to do was to tell one person about me being in the symphony, and that was that. It wouldn't take long for a rumor to go around a small town like that, much less a rumor in a high school about the football star. What would my friends say? What would my father say?
I was going to have to do something I would never have thought of doing ever in my life : beg. I would have to apologize to Brian, and somehow make him keep this a secret from the school by begging to him.

" What are you doing, Darien?" Mr. Keller, our conductor, asked me.
The symphony was going onto the stage to start playing. However, the concert master is always the last one to go onto the stage, and to play the first note before we start playing anything. However, if I went on stage then, Brian would instantly know that not only did I play the violin, of all instruments, but that I was the concert master, of all people! That would be more for him to tell everyone. So I tried to get on stage with everyone else, but Mr. Keller caught me and held me back after everyone else.
" Hey, even though this is a practice, you still go on after everyone else. Or maybe you're anxious to try some new music, hmm?"
" Uh, yeah." I gave him a nervous smile so not to arouse his suspicions. As soon as he took his place on stage, he told me to go on.
All right, now. No reason to be nervous now, I told myself. And as hesitant as I was, I walked on stage and took my place.
And I glanced at him, and his mouth hung open like a screen door. And as odd as it was, I smiled and took some satisfaction in this. My anxiety was gone, and the only thought on my mind was, Who's an Outbrook Jock now? It was so strange...

Well, I don't want to bore you with my silly details about the practice, after all, we were playing classical music ( nice to play, but very boring stuff to listen to) However, I think Brian was getting a kick out of this. No, I think he was getting a kick out of seeing me play something other than football. Then the thought came to me, What if he likes me? What if he's looking at me a little more than he should be? I wondered about it, and the thing was, it didn't bother me that much.
I'm more open minded about things like this than my friends at Outbrook. However, I didn't like guys. I liked girls and much as the next heterosexual. Or lesbian...
The thought of that just sended me into chuckles in mid-playing, but a sharp glance from Mr. Keller ended that one right quickly.. And then I turned to Brian, and he winked at me. What a second! What does a whink mean?-- Or am I looking into this too much for my own good? I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just wanted to clear things up with Brian, and go home to sleep.
He really didn't seem like such a bad guy. Usually on TV, a gay person is descibed as a flirt with a high-pitched voice and tight leather pants. Easily notable as gay. But Brian..would I have even known he was gay if he didn't say it himself? That's a question.

By the time I knew it, practice was over. We had 4 very hard songs that we had to practice, and we had to be back next friday. As soon as I was packed up, I went to go talk to Brian. I was nevous about it. He, on the other hand, was hysteric.
" I can't believe it! Not only do you play the violin, but you're the Concert Master! Of all people..."
Sigh. I had heard all of this from my peers around me. You're such a good can you play so well...he plays so well... He wasn't going to make this any easier on me...
"..wait till I tell the girls about this!"
" Um, listen. There's something I need to tell you-"
" What? That you're not gay?"
" No, that's not-"
" Yeah, right, that's not it, I'm sure. Just keep a 50 ft. distance from your ass?"
" No, Brian-"
" What kind of person do you think I am?Do you think I hit on every guy that walks by me? That I'm some kind of gay slut?" I could see the tears building up in his eyes. I felt guilty about this now. I never liked seeing people in pain. Well, not mental pain, anyway...
" Brian! Look, I don't care if you're gay or not. That's not my business. That's not what I wanted to talk about, ok?"
He looked at me, and then started to calm down.
His voice and become so was sad. The suffering some people have to go through just for being the way they are.. I could feel the pain he had went through...
" Hey, how did you get here, anyway?"
" My mom dropped me off here."
" You need a ride?"
" Sure..."

On the ride back, We were able to start up a conversation . The tension between us was mysteriously gone. I told him about myself, and why he couldn't tell anyone about his new "secret."
" So that's why you got nervous back there! You were afraid that I would tell people about the symphony!"
" Yeah... normally, no one from Outbrook would bother with stuff like that. Besides, now that I think about it, if you told someone anyway, they'd think you were on drugs or something."
" That's all this town needs : A gay crackhead."
We both laughed at the joke , and then became silent again. We hadn't talked about him being gay since the end of the practice. I was afraid he would go on the defensive again ( I wonder how much of my ordinary thoughts are incorperated with football?) and that he wouldn't let me talk to him. But the thing was, I actually wanted to talk to him. I wanted to about him, since I practically told him my whole life story. I didn't know how to ask him, though. Hey, I wanna know, like, how'd you become gay? I wouldn't be suprised if he started walking out of the car.
Well, I had to say something. "So.."
He turned to me. "So.."
Silence. There was no way of getting around this. I had to ask, he wasn't a mind reader. But of couse, that's when my jock instinct came over me, to make me say the first thing on my mind :
" Do you think I'm cute?"
" What?" He looked at me for a second, then burst out laughing.
" Oh man, look, I'm sorry for being so stupid-"
" No, no , that's ok. I mean, you must feel kinda awkward here, some guy you don't know in your car, and he's gay too?"
" Well... I guess, but I really dosen't matter, though."
" Really? Hey Darien, can I turn on the radio?"
" Yeah, but be careful, sometimes it dosen't work.."
" Ok, thanks." He flipped some stations, till he found a Top 40 station. The song was Sugar Ray's " Someday"
" Oh my God! I love this song!" And then he started to sing the lyrics with the song. He was actually a good singer, too. He had a nice alto voice that came from his voice, I guess, from the little I knew about singing.
" were always there for me.. hey Darien, why don't you sing along with me?"
" Me? Um, well, I don't sing that well-"
And then he reached over and put he left hand on top of my right hand, which was on my right leg...
" Hey, don't wreck the mood here man- oh-"
I guess he didn't realize where his hand was going.
We just looked at each other, he hand was still on top of mine. Then he removed his hand started looking out of the window and said,
" I'm sorry."
Another silent moment. No one talked for the next couple of minutes.
" You better watch the road," Brian said.
"Dosen't matter. No one around here goes out after 9 in this time of the year. It's 9:30.
" We'll be home soon. You live on the same steet, right?"
" Yeah..."
I can see he wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. Strange, this silence. It reminded me of all those times when you and your girlfriend both know that you're going to make out, and the reason why you're going to that " Lookout Point" is just so you can make out somewhere. And both of you are thinking the same thing. And you know what the other person is thinking, and vice versa.
Well, take that atmosphere and multiply it by 10. I was bugging out, but I was trying to keep my composure in all of this. The thing was, it didn't feel any different from a girl touching me. There was no difference at all. And of course, I could guess how Brian was feeling. He probably thought I would beat him up unless he kept his mouth shut for the rest of the ride. He probably felt so ashamed...

I decided to drop Brian off first, even though I would have to turn around to go to my house anyway.
" Thank you," he told me, and started to go in my house. I was starting to feel guilty myself, even though none of this was my fault anyway. But I decided it was best for me not to do anything right now. I watched him go into his house, and turn around and close the front door. I just sort of stood in my car, puzzled. The night was over. I turned around and parked the car in the garage.

That night I couldn't sleep. I had a question that was leering inside of me. If I didn't feel any difference from a guy's touch than from a girl's, did that make me Bisexual? I knew that he didn't mean to do it, I know I didn't want him to do it -- Or did I?
Looks like I'm going to have to talk to him after all, I thougtht. Tomorrow was saturday, so I should really try to get some sleep. Pretty soon I dozed off.

That night I had an odd dream, one that I couldn't belive I imagined...
I was walking up to Brian on the street and I told him that I thought I was Bisexual.
Well, would you ever want to have sex with a guy?
Well maybe...
Well, do you want to have sex with me?

And after that we were in his house, and he put his tongue in my mouth. We were...exchanging fluids! Me and another guy! And I was enjoying this! Then we moved to his couch, and he took my shirt off. I was on top of him now, my hands wrapped around him, my lips pressed against his,our hard nipples rubbing each other, my crotch on top of his.. then he asked me,
Do you want to go further, Elanea?
And without hesitation, I said,
Do you think you can take me further?
And then I woke up from my dream. I was in utter shock of what just happened. My parents were home now, it was midnight. I got up and went to the bathroom. I turned on the lights.
I stared at myself in the mirror.
What was going on with me?
I was deterimend to understand the feeling that were raging inside of me.
I was going to figure this out, whether it was going to take me all night...

Well well well, this chapter didn't take as long as I expected. I think I packed enough stuff in here to make you wonder what will happen next, hmm? I tried to make the story larger, but this story is just about the size of the other one, sorry...At least I can get the stories to ya'll quicker! :) Anyway, I love the email you guys have been sending, thanks and keep sending more! I will try to get the third chapter finished so this cliffhanger can stop..well, hanging you! ~_^ email me at . Well, that's it for now, c-ya'll later.