Chapter Two: The Test
I was in love. And that was the easy part! I should have seen it earlier, it was kind of obvious, but it was the first time I'd ever truly been in love. This was a lot more then the crushes I'd had on other guys I've drooled over, more then a cute face that gave me a hard on. This was a euphoric high, a light tingling sensation that filled my body and made my head lighter then air every time I whispered his name to myself. The sight of those sparkling blue eyes, his shy grin, and the cute way he almost blushed around me all made my heart melt like butter. There was the physical attraction, sure. I'd be crazy to not want his arms around me, or to kiss his smooth boyish face, or brush his brown hair away from his eyes, but the togetherness and tenderness in those acts were what excited me so much. I didn't need to be in his pants or have his hands on my ass to be happy, I just had to be with him and know that he wanted to be with me. That would be the hard part. At least now I knew why I was feeling this way, I just had to open him up and hope and pray that he might feel the same.
I was surprised that I'd woken up so easily that morning, especially since I laid awake most of the night filled with a strange mixture of excitement and nervous dread. There was a chance, a possibility, that Skyler might like guys, but there was a far greater chance he didn't. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin my shot at his friendship by scaring him away because I was gay.
As I stepped into the shower I suddenly remembered another problem I would have to face in school that day. We'd be having a full PE class, which meant showers! How was I going to manage showering with Skyler and not get hard? It was going to be a lot tougher then just thinking about baseball. Besides, who could think about baseball with a cute Australian boy standing naked next to them? Not me!
I did my best to clear my mind or think of anything un-sexy while quickly washing myself. If I could just hold off long enough to get washed and then back to my locker and dressed I might be OK. I rinsed my hair one last time, shut off the water and stepped out. Looking down I was disappointed to find my penis half hard and rising. It was better then having a raging boner but if I couldn't keep it down while I was alone in my own bathroom what was I gonna do after PE today? I was also a little bigger then average and knew it would be easy to notice any arousal. Ironic that having a nice sized penis would turn out to be a disadvantage.
But even assuming that I managed to survive the locker room showers I still had to find a way to get close to Skyler. I had to come up with a way to show him I was interested in him without pasting a sign to my forehead that said "FAG!".
He's shy, in a new country, he needs friends. If I can just get my foot in the door and become his bud I can make my move, I thought to myself as I combed my hair at the bathroom mirror. I combed it perfectly then brushed my fingers through it a few times so it wouldn't look too perfect, that "just messed enough to look cool" kind of look. I started buttoning my shirt and suddenly realized that my hands were shaking.
"Geez! Is being in love always like this? I don't get the shakes, I'm Nick Shafer."
I silently prayed that it wouldn't be too obvious at school. I wanted to be noticed by one particular boy, not by everyone else. I didn't need the whole school to know I was out of my head in love, and having them think I was some kind of clumsy, tongue tied idiot wouldn't have been much better. But if there was one person who would know right away that something was afoot it was my mom. Ya just can't hide some things from your mother, especially not mine. I decided it would be best to skip breakfast and avoid her as she got ready for work. I just needed to sneak out of the house unnoticed and have faith that the rest of the day wouldn't be a complete disaster.
"It won't be," I said to my reflection. "Everything will be cool, cause I'm Nick Shafer."
For some reason - for the first time in my life - my own eyes didn't reinforce my confidence.
"I'm leaving early, mom. No time for breakfast," I said quickly as I tried to rush past her in the kitchen.
"Not so fast surf boy," she said seizing me by my baggy Hawaiian shirt. She knew better then to mess my hair but I had to endure a goodbye kiss..
"Mom! I'm getting a little old for this," I said trying to keep up appearances. Truthfully I didn't mind so much. She just gave me a smile and wished me a good day as I hurried out the back door. A moment later I entered again, pulled on my shoes, tied them and left.
I might have been embarrassed about leaving the house without my shoes, if I was the kind of person to be embarrassed about much of anything. A lot had changed in a very short time and I was actually beginning to doubt myself. Anything was possible, both good and bad, so I took a deep breath and decided to take my chances with whatever fate handed me as I walked into Geometry.
I was still wondering if the homework she'd given us the day before was some kind of punishment for me and Skyler talking during class. Not that it mattered, I was willing to risk a lifetime of homework for him, my dream boy. I tensed a little as Skyler walked into the room, moving down the aisle towards his desk with that sexy stride of his, glancing over at me with a shy smile. He actually smiled at me! His eyes rivaled the dazzling blues of that morning's sunrise and filled me with warmth and comfort. More then ever I wanted to run my fingers through that thick curly hair of his. His face was shining and friendly but I could tell there was still something inside that had him unsettled. Maybe I held his gaze for a bit too long, maybe the classroom of noisy students made him uncomfortable again, but whatever the reason he slipped back into his shell just as easily as he slid into his seat next to me.
"Good morning," I said. That's good, I told myself, just start over like yesterday and be his friend.
"G'day," he replied. Oh man, I was gonna burst in my pants right there in the middle of class! Every tiny thing he did or said was soooo cute! I was almost scared that if he did open up completely I wouldn't be able to handle it. I might drop dead from one prolonged orgasm, so intense that my heart would explode. What a way to go!
"So, uh, can't believe we got homework last night." Oh I'm good, somebody give me an award!
"Yeah, wasn't much though," he said with a shrug.
"Ya think I can copy off you next time?" I joked. His eyes grew wide as if astounded that I'd ask such a thing. Oh man, those eyes! What does the world look like through them? What do I look like through them?
"I was...just...kidding, dude," I stuttered. Aaaaarrrrr here I am again, I can't even speak! It was probably for the best though, getting us in trouble for talking two days in a row would not be the best way to make points. I sat there the whole period, trying to concentrate on the teacher, trying not to think about what would happen next period when Skyler and I were in the shower together, and begging God above to let me stay in my seat where I could conceal the aching bulge in my shorts. Oh my God, he just brushed his thick curly hair back with his hand again!
"Now let's suppose," the teacher babbled, "that we have a cylinder six inches long."
I was most definitely being punished for something here. No amount of will power was going to save me, not with those brown curls and blue eyes sitting next to me and the teacher practically drawing a penis on the board! I had to get rid of this raging hard on before PE or else.
"And if we cut the cylinder down the middle like so--"
OK that did it, no more hard on. I just had to hope the same trick would work later. I wasn't sure that even the threat of having Mr. Wiggley carved up like a turkey would control me once I saw that boy naked.
The bell rang and the teacher announced tomorrow's homework assignment as everyone rushed for the door. I stayed in my seat just a minute longer making sure it was safe for me to stand. As always Skyler hurried out of the room without a word.
"Hey Skyler, wait up," I yelled down the hallway as I sprinted towards him. He stopped, allowing me to catch up, but remained silent.
"Did you catch what the homework was? I, uh, wasn't paying attention." I knew it made me sound like an idiot but it was better then blurting out `I was too busy lusting over you.'
"Yeah, right here," he said handing me a slip of paper. I scribbled the page numbers on the cover of my notebook next to a splotch of black scribbling that used to be a heart.
"Hey guys!" Luke said falling in alongside us.
"Hey Luke, this is Skyler, have you two met?"
"Nope, but I saw ya in class yesterday, how's it goin?" Luke asked.
"Not bad," Skyler answered quietly with a nod, as if trying to hide his accent.
"I hear we're playing volleyball today, should be cool!" Luke always had a certain enthusiasm about any kind of sport and I knew he'd be as brutally competitive as he was in basketball.
I continued trying to make small talk with Skyler, like an annoying spaz, as we walked into the locker room to pick out our lockers. Before I knew it I had taken a locker in the same row as him. I wasn't sure it was such a smart move though. On one hand I could talk to him and watch him undress everyday, on the other hand I'd be talking to him and watching him undress everyday. I tried to stay focused on anything else but Skyler had already begun yaking his clothes off. With his back turned I had more of a chance to study his body without being caught. His back and shoulders were just as tanned as his arms, becoming slimmer at his waist just above that cute little butt hidden inside a pair of tight boxers. His long legs were perfectly smooth and strong. He didn't seem to have a lot of muscle tone but it only added to his boyish charm. I sighed and kept thinking about Mrs. Crabtree slicing up that cylinder. A bulge in my gym shorts would have been easy to spot, still, I couldn't pry my gaze away from him!
We all assembled in the gym and the coach dragged us through the usual warm up routines before finally dividing us into teams and setting us loose to play volleyball. I was on one team with Skyler, Luke and most of his friends were on the other, assaulting the game with the same aggrsiveness I'd seen the day before. I was surprised to see Skyler in action though. He wasn't shy in the least about going after the ball, spiking or serving. He was good! No he was great! Not to mention sexy. I had some decent skills myself, when I wasn't drooling over him. I also couldn't help but notice the way Luke's shirt rode up, exposing his tight abs when he jumped to spike the ball.
The score was neck and neck the whole game with me and Skyler making most of the points for our team even though Luke and his friends put up a good defense. With the score tied Luke's next serve sailed right towards me. I slid across the floor on my knees making the save and sending the ball back over the net, directly into the only open spot on their side. The winning point! As the ball bounced to a stop a loud whistle shrieked leaving the gymnasium in startled silence.
"OK girls, hit the showers," the coach barked.
I took a deep breath and tried to relax. This was the big test, the moment of truth was at hand. Most of the guys hurried off to the locker room, anxious to wash the sweat of our game off and change into their clean clothes before the next bell rang, but I held back and took my time. Maybe if I was lucky I could shower last, and alone. Any such hopes were dashed, however, as I reached the locker room door at the exact same time as Skyler. Always the timid one, he was walking slowly as well, letting the others run ahead yelling obnoxiously. My plan had backfired.
Skyler sat on the bench facing his locker and pulled his damp gym shirt off. I tried not to look but I could still see the smooth tanned skin of his back and shoulders out the corner of my eye. I felt my penis begin to fill with blood and expand slightly but struggled hard and managed to resist the sexual thoughts running wild in my mind. I took a deep breath and removed my shorts and boxers in one swift movement, then immediately wrapped a towel around myself.
Does love always do this to you? I thought to myself. Here I was, Nick Shafer, always cool and confident, always willing, and wanting, to be noticed, but I was hiding behind a towel, scared that somebody would notice me, and just maybe, know the reason I was getting hard. But how could they know? Get a hold on yourself dude!
I closed up my locker and turned around, letting my towel hang loosely on my waist so I wouldn't look too nervous. But my fears were a little unfounded after all since Skyler was still sitting on the bench untying his shoes. He seemed really nervous, more then just a bit shy this time. As several of the other boys walked by naked I noticed him cautiously eyeing them. He swallowed hard and slowly put his shoes in his locker. Maybe he was as nervous as I was about this whole thing. The question was why?
"Better hurry up, man. Coach said he won't write any passes for people who don't get showered before the bell," I said. But really I knew this was my chance to get in there and finish before that beautiful boy got undressed. Just as I had practiced that morning I took a fast shower while trying to keep my thoughts on anything but him. The other boys weren't really a problem for me, cute or not. Seeing them under the flowing water washing their naked bodies didn't phase me too much. No matter what they looked like they just couldn't compare to my Aussie love. Still I was careful to keep my imagination under control since I was already struggling to keep the horse from rearing.
"Hey Nick, you were really good out there," Luke said as he took a spot beside me.
"Thanks, I got plenty of practice back home in Cali. Ya can't live near the beach and not play volleyball."
"Yeah dude, that's true. I like the way you almost dove for that ball, got the big save and the win. I'm jealous," he said with a cute grin.
Luke had a nice chest and arms as well and my eyes wanted to take a quick peek down at what he was packing, but I resisted.
"You kicked some ass yourself, bud."
"Thanks. So where's your friend?" he asked.
"The new kid."
"I am the new kid," I joked trying to keep any thoughts or visions of Skyler at bay.
"Whatever," he chuckled, "I'll talk to ya in lunch."
So far so good, I thought as I rinsed my hair. I returned to my locker and found Skyler there, already dressed and tying up his shoes. His hair didn't appear to be wet and I wondered if he had taken a shower at all.
"That was quick," I commented.
"Um, yeah," he agreed as he turned around to face me.
I was about to remove my towel and get dressed but almost immediately I began to stiffen. Why does your dick always have to get hard when you're nervous? You get nervous about getting hard and in turn you get hard, and more nervous, and harder -- it becomes a viscous cycle. I figured he would see me sooner or later and if I didn't get dressed quick my towel would be tenting out in no time. I dropped the towel and floundered in my locker trying to find my boxers before the inevitable happened. He wasn't staring out right but I noticed the way he looked me over a little, like most guys do in the locker room. but it didn't help my situation any. For a moment I imagined him licking his lips as his lustful eyes devoured my body. In reality my nakedness seemed to worry him even more. Why did it have to be so hard to read him? It would all be so easy if I only knew what he was thinking, if only he would talk to me, but he simply turned his head, biting his lip and taking a deep breath. I stepped into my boxers and pulled them up quickly, relieved to be covered again.
The bell rang as I was putting my socks on and as usual Skyler leapt to his feet and headed for the door.
"See ya tomorrow," I said with probably a little too much anticipation..
"Later," he replied with a slight smile, and was gone.
I sat on the bench in the now empty locker room as all my hopes of getting closer to him that day seemed to fall apart. I was making a real effort to make him feel welcome and be his friend, all to no avail. He was almost always silent, and even when he did speak it was a short and sometimes cryptic response. At his first chance he would flee and I'd be left alone again. Why did I have to be gay and fall in love with a boy? I was welling up with frustration on the inside, and with tears on the outside. What's wrong with me? I thought. I can't cry, I'm...Nick...Shafer.
"You're gonna be late for lunch, dude."
I thought I was alone and Luke's voice startled me. He leaned against the row of lockers looking down at me, probably wondering what kind of a fuck up I was. I wasn't crying, yet, but I knew my eyes must have been wet and maybe a little puffy.
"You OK?" he asked with a concerned tone.
"Yeah, of course, I'm fine," I answered with a confident smile as we walked out on our way to lunch. But I wasn't fine, and I'd probably never been less fine in my life.
I went through the rest of the afternoon in a stupor of confusion and misery. Day after day began to drag by, a new chance every morning to come closer to the boy of my dreams, only to be let down again and again. My frustration over his seemingly impenetrable wall of shyness turned into depression over my loneliness and my infatuation with this mysterious kid. Every day I would talk to him in class, follow him around in gym, get a few words or a smile out of him and then find myself alone. For the first time in years I cried myself to sleep then woke up feeling optimistic, only to repeat it all. I'd even thought of following him home from school to see where he lived and maybe just show up one day like the desperate loser I'd been reduced to, but I never saw him after school. Thursday, Friday, into the next week, all I could do was sink deeper and deeper as I fell in love with him more. Everything else in my life began to take a back seat to my fantasies of Skyler. Luke and I had been on our way to becoming fast friends and now I could barely talk to him. At lunch his voice would fade out as I daydreamed of Skyler or wondered why he wouldn't talk to me. Maybe he just didn't like me, not even as a friend. That thought hurt most of all.
"NICK!" Luke yelled, jarring me back to my senses.
"What?" I asked, almost surprised to find myself in the cafeteria.
"You're spacin out, dude. Didn't even hear me. Do you play roller hockey?"
"Never really tried, but I can skate, so I guess I could," I said. My eyes moved and focused behind him. I watched as a short blond kid exited the kitchen carrying his full lunch tray, balancing it carefully with one hand as he held books in the other. Three other boys who didn't seem any older but were certainly bigger walked past him. Suddenly one of the boys flung the kid's tray out of his hand scattering the food across the floor while another boy ripped his books from his other hand. The blond kid jumped back flinching as if expecting them to all start beating on him. The three boys, and most of the surrounding tables, laughed harshly at the poor kid but kept walking before the lunch room monitors had a chance to see what had happened.
"What the fuck was that all about?" I asked Luke in shock while the kid picked up his books strewn among the spilled food.
"He should have expected that," Luke said.
"What are you talking about? He didn't do anything!! How could they just attack him like that?" I asked outraged.
"That's Sean," Luke explained, "he gets that all the time. It's his own fault really, he's queer."
"Wha? His own fault!?!?" I asked, caught off guard by Luke's answer.
"He's a fag," Luke emphasized. "Little pillow biter tried to put the moves on some kid last year. Got his ass beat."
I don't know if I went pale or if my jaw dropped open or I starred or what, I just went numb. It was as if Luke's words hadn't even been real, as if it was some kind of dream, or nightmare. He used the words so freely, as if calling somebody a fag or a pillow biter was the most natural thing in the world. Not only that but he acted completely indifferent to the whole incident. How could these guys be so cold and unfeeling? I was floored! I was filled with sympathy for the poor kid. I wanted to go help him pick up his books or comfort him or just do something. Yet one thought ran through my mind: that could be me! Maybe I was being naïve, but the thought of physical violence hadn't really crossed my mind, and now I had just witnessed hate in action. What if I made a move on Skyler and everyone found out? What if he already knew and that's why he didn't want to be around me? With my will had weakened by a disappointment and the pain of love unreturned I came to one sad decision: I couldn't do anything about Skyler, I couldn't tell him I loved him or make a move on him, nothing. He probably doesn't even like me anyway.
It was all over, the romance, the feelings of lighter-then-air joy, the tingling sensation when I whispered his name. That first day of school I felt like I'd met Skyler, had a romance and had lost him, all in one period. It was nothing compared to the empty feeling that ate away at my insides that afternoon as I walked home alone. My eyes stung and I kept my face lowered to the ground, partly to hide from the bright desert sun but also in mourning for my shattered hopes and dreams and in shame for being gay, for wanting another boy.
I paid no attention to my dry throat or my skin, prickling from the searing heat, or even the sound of a skateboard approaching me from behind. That is until I heard a cool hazy voice with an unmistakable accent.
"Ya look like you've had too much sun there, mate."
Does it live up to the first chapter? Do you wanna see a third? Need to know how many licks it takes to get to Skyler's creamy center? Visit the website and/or email me. Thanks again! Laters =)