The Smile is a story about gay teenagers who are discovering their sexuality. If sex between male teenagers is offensive to you, illegal for you to read or if you are underage then you should move on to something else.
The Smile is a work of pure fiction -- the characters and the events do not represent any person or situation. Copyright © 2003-2004 by Reader of Tales, all rights reserved. You may contact me by firstname.lastname@example.org. Note this is a new email address once again.
~Reader of Tales, Apr 28, 2004
The Smile - Chapter 8 - Things start to go right for a change
Ian's mom was not happy with what was going on. First she'd accepted that Ian was gay and in love with another boy. Now she'd done a complete turn around with seemingly no reason. Ian must really hate me right now, she thought.
She thought about the conversation she'd over heard at the grocery store this afternoon. Why did it bother her so much? Two older ladies were talking about some things that were happening in town when one said, "Well, it's just unnatural. And look at all those boys that go in and out of there."
She hadn't intended on eaves dropping like this but she couldn't help herself now. "Yes, I know," continued the other woman. "I've seem several go in together holding hands. I mean, if the good lord had intended for that kind of thing to happen he wouldn't have made them male and female, would he?"
"Well," interjected the first lady again, "you know the bible says that He made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. If their parents had any sense they get those kids into therapy."
She'd stopped listening at this point. She knew the religious line. It had been used for years against her brother-in-law. And no matter how many times she'd heard it, it never failed to anger her each and every time.
So, why had she reacted the way she had with Ian? He was a good kid and Kyle was a good influence on him. They actually studied when Kyle was here. Ian had never willingly done his homework before. And he was getting great grades in his tests so far.
Then she thought about the phone call from her neighbor, Mrs. Hendersol. She had seen Ian and Kyle walking home one day, walking hand in hand. She made some comment about how boys used to do that in her day when they were younger but not when they reached Ian's age.
"Anne," she'd said, "I would watch out for that one if I were you. Kids these days just don't value family like they did in my day."
After a couple more minutes Mrs. Hendersol told Anne that she'd also seen those two boys kissing through the window. She went on about what our society was coming to and about the breakdown of the traditional family.
So, what had happened is that Anne gave in to her worries about what her neighbors would think if they saw Ian and Kyle together. And especially if they were careless like that all the time.
She tried to justify it in her own mind that she was protecting them but when it came right down to it, she was more worried about what people thought of her as a mother.
This thought sickened her. How could she treat her own son this way? She was giving in to the peer pressure of her neighbors when she always found ways to warn Ian not to give in to such pressures.
It was then that she knew what she had to do.
Andy arrived home Wednesday after school to find a letter for him sitting on the kitchen counter. Next to it was a note from his mom.
Andy was suddenly very lonely. This almost never happened in this house. He'd found it difficult to get time alone with Dan here. At least at Dan's they'd been alone most of the time.
He put his dinner in the microwave for 3 minutes and then opened the letter. It was from Kyle.
This letter made Andy feel so much better. He wasn't sure what had happened with his friendship with Kyle up until now but somehow knew that being best friends suddenly meant putting that friendship on the line. He couldn't hide his relationship with Dan from Kyle any longer.
And so, once his dinner was done, he was going to call Kyle. Tonight, before he lost his nerve.
Kyle and Ian were walking home from school. Ian was telling Kyle what his mom had said. Kyle couldn't believe his ears. "Something must have scared her. I mean, you have a gay uncle - two gay uncles."
"You're probably right but what can I do about it?" Ian replied.
"I don't know. What I do know is that I have to be with you." Kyle countered. "Ian, I can't stop thinking about you. When I'm in bed, I lie awake and I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about you. In class I've been caught day dreaming about you. My mom's noticed that I get more homework done at your house than I do when I'm on my own.
"I need you Ian, more than ever. The thought of not being with you makes me all shaky inside and out."
Ian was stunned for a second. Kyle was sure he'd just stepped over the line they'd decided to draw themselves, to take it slow.
But Ian wasn't thinking about that. He was thinking just how much he really, really loved Kyle. Up until now he hurt inside thinking of not being able to be with Kyle. Suddenly though, he felt so empty without Kyle and realized how much needed Kyle too.
Kyle started to apologize, "Ian, I'm so sorry. I know I'm moving too fast. I'm pushing you away and I can't help myself..."
Ian interrupted him. "Kyle, no, that's not it. Please listen to me. I was just stunned for a second. I thought I was moving too fast for you. I've realized for the last couple of days how much I really need you too. My mom made me realize it even more.
"I've got to talk to her. She can't do this. I won't let her ruin our relationship."
Ian grabbed Kyle and pulled him into the trees off to the side of the road. Making sure no one was watching he planted the most passionate kiss he could on his boyfriend.
Kyle, took a couple of seconds to reacted to the sudden movement off the road and caught his balance just has Ian started kissing him. Of course, he responded just as passionately to Ian and held him tight in his arms, not wanting to let go for anything.
However, realizing where they were, they ended the kiss before either was really ready to and continued back down the road, secure in each other's love. What they failed to realize was that they were still holding hands after all that excitement and they were seen.
Dan and Sarah went out to the local family restaurant for dinner. They had decided that they'd do this at least once a week since this would be the only time they'd have together.
Sarah had been by the house and seen the mess. She'd just got through telling Dan what she'd found.
"And my room was the only room not touched?" Dan asked.
"Yes, and the garage and the basement. But the rest of the house is a complete shambles. Every wall has holes in them. The majority of the furniture is either damaged or destroyed. Fortunately my collectibles were still packed in the basement and he hadn't gotten that far."
"So, why do you think he stopped at my room?"
"Well, I suspect it had something to do with you being gay and something that happened to him as a kid. He was not himself on Monday."
"Where is he now?"
"I don't know, Dan. When I arrived there last night, the car was gone. I've checked around and the neighbors have told me he headed north. We never go north. There's nothing up there. The road that way dead-ends.
"I'm sure he just needed time alone. There have been many times when things weren't going well and he's take off for the weekend or for a couple of days and he'd come back relaxed and stronger once again.
"I'm sure time will make this all work out."
Dan sat there in silence, picking at his food. "I just wish I knew what made him so angry. He really scared me Sunday night."
"Me too, Dan. And even more so on Monday."
Andy was nervous. He hadn't talked to Kyle in so long he wasn't sure what to say. He knew the number by heart. They had been best friends for so long and had talked on the phone almost every day.
He dialed the number and then hung up. He couldn't do it. But he had to.
After calming himself down, he dialed again. It rang. Once. Twice. Three times. Four times. The next was voice mail, he just knew it.
But then someone answered. "Hello?" It was Kyle.
"Andy? Andy! Wow, it really is you."
"Yeah. I got your letter and I couldn't wait to send you my number to here I am."
"Wow, Andy. I'm so excited. You caught me off guard which is probably better anyway cuz I gotta tell you something and I don't know where to start and I'm not sure how you are gonna take."
"Kyle, I've got something to tell you too. How about that."
Stunned for a second, Kyle asked, "So who should go first?"
"Hmmm, rock, paper, scissors?"
"Over the phone? But how?"
Andy thought for a split second and said, "Instead of making the hand shape, we say it at the same time."
"Ok, sounds good to me. Ready? 1-2-3..."
And together they said, "Rock, paper, scissors, ..."
Kyle finished with "Rock" while Andy finished with "Scissors"
"Ok, you win, you want to go first?" Andy asked.
"Ok. Are you sitting down because this is not going to be easy to take."
Andy was getting worried now. "Sure, go ahead."
"Well, Andy, we've been best friends for a long time and I really hope this doesn't ruin our friendship. I'm not sure how to say it so I guess I'm just gonna say it and hope for the best."
He paused for what seemed an eternity to both boys. Then suddenly he blurted out, "I'm gay and in love with another boy."
Andy was stunned into silence now. He wasn't sure he'd heard correctly but he though he just heard his best friend say he was gay. If that was true, he'd just missed out on sharing love with the person he'd wanted to be with for so long. But then again, now he had Dan and he was truly happy. And Kyle had said he was in love with another boy.
"Andy, are you there? Are you Ok? You're not mad at me are you?"
"No Kyle, just a little stunned is all. You see, I am gay too. And I was, like, well not prepared for you to be gay also. I mean, all that time we were friends and we didn't know about the other."
"Andy, you mean, you're gay too? Wow, I can't believe it. All this time I was worried about how you would react. But just so you know, I didn't really know I was gay until you moved away. I mean I knew something was different but I didn't figure it out until you were gone. And when you left I was so depressed. That's why I stopped writing to you. I just couldn't take being away from you. It was terrible.
"And I still didn't understand what was happening to me until I met Ian. He's this wonderful boy from band. He just started grade 9 this year but it was love at first site for both of us. And he'd never thought about boys like that before me. It's so wonderful and exciting and scary all at the same time.
Kyle stopped himself realizing he'd been talking nonstop for the last couple of minutes. "Sorry, I get carried away when I start talking about Ian."
Andy laughed, "That's alright. I understand completely. You see I met this guy on the first day of school who saved me with a smile."
"Yeah, I was so depressed about not saying anything to you before I moved and then it was too late and you stopped writing and I just didn't see any reason to live anymore. But Dan smiled at me the first day of school and that was the day I was going to try to kill myself. His smile stopped me from making such a big mistake." Andy was in tears now.
Kyle sniffed on the other end of the phone, obviously also crying. "Andy, I am so sorry I stopped writing. I realized I shouldn't have. I am so glad this boy stopped you. So, are you too together?"
"Yes. It's great. He even lives with my family right now because his dad went crazy when he found out he was gay. It was really scary to hear from Dan what happened. He showed up at our door late last Sunday night."
"Do your parents know?"
"Yeah, we had a little help from Robert. He'd overheard Dan and I talking one night and you wouldn't believe what he did."
"He told on you?"
"Nope. He researched the whole thing and brought up the subject at dinner one night with details about how it's not a choice and how God doesn't hate gays and all that. It was so wonderful. And then when my folks asked about Robert being gay I came out to them. And you know, I was surprised. They accepted me and Dan right away. Dan was there at dinner with us at the time."
"Wow, I hope it goes that well with my mom. I've been afraid to tell her. My boyfriend, Ian, his mom found out and was so great about it and then a couple of days later she like totally changed her mind about it. He even has two uncles who are gay - well, they are a couple.
"So now I've determined not to tell her unless it becomes necessary. And with hearing yours and Dan's stories, I really don't know how it will go. And I'm not in a hurry to find out."
"Yeah, your probably best to wait. Just be careful. You know we weren't well liked last year and now that you have a boyfriend you are going to have to be careful."
"I know what you mean. I was beat up the first day of school. I missed you so much. But that was the only day I had a problem. And Ian and I are careful."
"We thought we were careful." Andy then told Kyle what his principal had said.
"Wow, I never thought about that. I guess if we don't want to be out before we're ready we really have to be more careful than I thought."
They talked for more than an hour. It was like no time had been lost. And now they had so much more to talk about than before. Andy told Kyle his parents had an unlimited long distance plan and they could talk whenever they wanted to. Also, they exchanged email addresses and vowed that Best Friends Forever meant forever.
When Ian arrived home, his mom was waiting for him. He wasn't sure what to make of this but he knew he wasn't ready to talk to her about the situation. He needed time to think, to prepare.
So, he walked past her quickly, heading to his room when she called to him.
"Ian, I'd like to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk mom, I'm tired," he lied.
"Ian, wait, I want to apologize."
Ian stopped. This wasn't what he'd expected. He'd expected more of the same about not seeing Kyle.
Ian turned around toward his mom to see tears in her eyes. She'd been crying, and not just recently. It looked like she'd been crying for some time.
When Ian didn't respond right away she continued, "I'm sorry for what I said about you and Kyle. I don't really want you to stop seeing him. I can see how much you care about him and how much he cares about you. I can see what a good influence you have on each other. You actually do homework when he's here.
"I have a confession to make, Ian. I did the very thing I always tell you not to do. I gave into peer pressure. I overheard a conversation in the grocery store that scared me and Mrs. Hendersol saw you and Kyle walking hand in hand and kissing each other. She gave me a hard time over it and instead of defending you I gave into the pressure.
"I'm so sorry Ian. Can you please forgive me? I was wrong to do what I did to you."
Ian now had tears in his eyes. Here was his mom confessing that she was human. How could he not accept her apology?
"Mom, I love you. Thank you. And yes, I forgive you. And I'm sorry we were careless." Ian embraced his mom. They hadn't hugged like this in years.
"Son, you don't have to be sorry. Years ago I saw what your uncles had to go through, how they had to hide. I don't want you to have to hide all the time. Just be careful because people can be cruel. But don't hide. Mrs. Hendersol has no business watching inside our windows anyway."
"Thanks mom. And we will be careful anyway. We don't want trouble. We know we will not be accepted by the majority of people out there."
"You're a great kid, Ian. I know you will be careful. And please apologize to Kyle for me. Better yet, make sure he sees me next time he's here."
"I will. Thanks again mom."
Dan was so happy to be where he was just now. He and Andy had just gotten under the covers and were snuggled together. The air outside had gotten quite cold and it was fairly cool in Andy's room as well.
Andy was just lying there in Dan's arms staring into his boyfriend's eyes. He too was happy to be where he was right now. Sure, he was a teen boy with hormones raging and sure, he'd like to be doing more but he could live with cuddling and kissing for the time being.
They had more than most gays their age. They could be together every night without any repercussions. And they had fallen asleep in one another's arms every night since Dan had arrived.
It was Dan who broke the silence. "Whatcha thinking, love?"
"About how lucky I am. I have you beside me every night. How many teen guys get to have their boyfriends sleep with them every night?"
Dan smiled at his boyfriend, "Well, how many teens guys actually have or want a boyfriend?"
Andy laughed, "You know what I mean." and started tickling Dan.
The tickle fight progressed quickly to two boys kissing, with a little tongue wrestling thrown in for good measure and ended with them kissing passionately for several minutes.
They finally broke their kiss when they could hardly breath anymore.
Andy spoke first this time. "I spoke to Kyle today. He's my best friend from my old school, remember? I told you about him a couple of times."
"Yeah, I remember him. Weren't you in love with him at one time?"
"Oh yeah. In fact I was in love with him when I met you. But it was too late for me to do anything about it. And I found out today that he's gay. Can you believe it?"
"You're kidding? You mean all that time you wanted to be like this with him and you could have been?"
"Umm, yeah. Kinda sad, isn't it?" Andy replied.
"Well, umm, how do you feel about all this now?"
Andy paused, "Well, I'm sort of disappointed that I only found out now. But to be honest, now that I have you, I realize that what I felt for Kyle was nothing like what I feel for you. So, I'm kinda glad things turned out the way they did."
Dan was choked up for a moment. "Well, I'm glad you are mine and that it's worked out this way. I suspect you would have held out for each other if you had gotten together before the move. That thought kinda scares me. It's almost like losing you."
"Well, you don't have to worry about that at all. Kyle has found someone new to replace what I could have been. He's got himself a boyfriend named Ian who didn't know he was bi-sexual until Kyle kissed him."
"What? You mean your best friend just kissed another guy without even finding out whether he wanted to or not?"
"Yeah. Kinda romantic, isn't it?"
"Um, well, stupid would have been the word I would have used. I mean, what if Ian didn't want to be kissed by a guy?"
"Hmmm, you have a point there. It did seem like Ian was going to end the friendship because of that but within the week he was such a wreck he decided to take a chance on my friend and apparently they are head over heals for each other, can't live without each other. Sound like anyone you know?"
"Ah... No. Can't think of anyone like that." Dan replied with a huge smile and proceeded to kiss his boyfriend delicately this time.
When he was done he laid his head on Andy's shoulder and sighed. "I hope they have less trouble than I've had. I have to admit I am happy how things are going but I'm worried about my dad."
"After what he did to you, you're worried about him?"
"Well, he's still my dad. And this is the first time he's ever done something like that to me. It's like something inside him just snapped. You could see it building all weekend.
"And you should hear what my mom found when she went to the house. He was gone. And the house is a complete disaster - well everything except my room. For some reason he stopped there.
"And get this, no one knows where he is. He just drove off and no one has seen him since." As Dan ended his story, he had tears sliding down his cheek.
Andy noticed this and gave Dan a loving embrace, pulling him closer to reassure him.
When Dan had had some time to recover himself Andy said, "I can only imagine how you are feeling. I know how I would feel if my dad had done the same thing and I'd be scared for him too. I'm sure he'll turn up sooner or later."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Thank you."
"For being here for me. For loving me. For being my boyfriend. For just being you. I love you Andy, so much," Dan said hugging Andy tightly.
"I love you too, Dan, more than words can tell," and Andy returned the hug.
Ian was sitting in the band room with Kyle eating his lunch. They were the only ones there today so they could talk freely. Ian had just told Kyle about his conversation with his mom the night before.
"Wow," Kyle said. "Your neighbor saw us? I guess we've gotta be more careful."
"I agree but my mom said she shouldn't have been looking anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if my mom would like us to stand right in at the window and make out just to give Mrs. Hendersol something to talk about. But I'm not sure that would be wise.
"I was thinking that we should be more careful for our parents sake. I mean, my mom is worried about us but I don't want her to have trouble because of our being gay."
"Yeah," Kyle said distractedly. "I guess you're right."
Ian noticing the sudden thoughtful look on his boyfriend figured something was up. "What's wrong?"
"Well, as much as I'm dreading it I think I need to tell my mom. I'd really rather her find out from me than from a neighbor or some other nosy person."
Ian was silent for a moment. "How do you think she'll react?"
"I have no idea. She's never talked about gays that I can remember. We don't know anyone gay and it's not like it's typical dinner conversation."
Ian took Kyle's hand in both of his and looked into Kyle's eyes, "Would you like me there when you tell her?"
Kyle brightened at this suggestion. "Yeah, that would be cool."
Ian gave Kyle a peck on the cheek to reassure him.
Kyle smiled and then decided to tell Ian about his conversation with Andy.
"You've got to be kidding. You mean he's been in love with you all this time? And you didn't know it?"
"Well, I didn't even understand that I liked guys. I just thought that I wasn't ready for girls. And Andy is my best friend so it wasn't like I was trying to get extra friendship time to tip me off that something was different.
"And it's not like he made any moves on me. I mean we jerked off together but that was it."
"Still, you'd think you might have noticed something but then again, you were probably confused enough about yourself without having to notice things about Andy."
"Yeah, you're probably right. I mean, look at you. You had no idea I was about to kiss you or was even thinking of you in that way."
"Well, yeah, I suppose so. When I think back though I see the signs now. I bet you probably can too."
Kyle thought back to that birthday party when Andy's dad put down gays. That was an awkward moment for Kyle. He'd gone to Andy's room to find him lying on his bed crying. His dad was truly at a loss for words and said he didn't mean anything by it.
After calming Andy down they'd had a strange conversation. Andy had said that he'd never had a friend like Kyle before. That he thought of him as closer than a brother and that he loved him. Now that he thought about it Andy was probably looking for an opening then to tell him.
"There was this one time that now becomes so clear. He tried to tell me about being gay I think. He did tell me he loved me but I thought he meant a friendship or brotherly love. Guess now I know what I missed that day."
Ian wasn't sure what to say. "What do you think would have happened if you had figured it out that day?"
Kyle looked at Ian, "I would probably have figured out about me sooner and been in love with Andy. But his leaving was hard enough without all that. I'm very glad it worked out this way. Andy has a boyfriend named Dan and I have a boyfriend named Ian. We are both really happy now and we would probably have tried to remain long distance boyfriends and I can't imagine that working out well."
"Well, I don't know about that. My parents dated long distance for over 3 years. They both have said it was the hardest thing to do to wait for each other but worth it because they really learned to talk to each other which is something that many couples don't learn to do. I guess that's why they are still together when most of their friends are divorced."
"Wow, I never thought about it that way. But I'm still glad I don't have to go through that. Andy and I will still be best friends but I'd rather have a boyfriend I can hold." And with that he hugged Ian tightly but they broke apart quickly when they realized where they were.
"We really are going to have to be careful. We are getting to be too comfortable with all this. One of these days we are going to mess up at the wrong time and it will be too late."
Kyle replied, "You are so right there. We've got to think before we do. Something my mom is constantly trying to get me to remember." At this they both laughed.
**** Please read this ****
In The Smile, both Andy and Kyle think about ending their own lives to solve the loneliness and despair that they feel. Fortunately for these two boys they are both still very much alive.
Although at times life may seem tough or even unbearable, please talk to somebody first before taking the irreversible step of taking your own life. There are many others around the world who are going through or have gone through the same things you are and they would be happy listen.
The two links below may offer you some help online. I know that for many of us this is our only contact with anyone in the gay community. The thought of actually talking to someone in person or even on the phone is intimidating. Please do the next best thing. Contact someone online.
The second link has many resources for those who are hurting inside. Don't keep it to yourself. Talk to someone.
If you want to know what Robert found about religion and homosexuality, there are a couple of books that I found at the library that have been quite useful:
The Church and the Homosexual by John J. McNeill
Now That You Know by Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward
I found the first book the most helpful.
Thank you for the opportunity to write this story for you, the reader. I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed it.
If you like The Smile and would like to see it continue, please send comments to:email@example.com. Note this is a new email address once again.
I am always interested in hearing what others have to say about my story. I also find it interesting to hear who your favorite character is and why, and perhaps even who you relate with the most. Are there things in my story that touch you in a specific or special way or that you can relate to most?
My goal for this story is to provide experiences from mine and other's pasts to help you, the readers, with situations in your own lives. Please let me know if I have done that for you.
All flames will be ignored.