CÉLESTE

"Where is my mother," Célestine said in a hiss. I could tell that this whole thing was making him feel some type of way and that way was far from warm and fuzzy.

"That's just it, " the lovely Prince Nikko said morosely, "They took her."

"THE FUCK," I found myself shouting.

"Calm down, Gurl," Célestine said in my direction. "Did they have any demands," He said cooly as though he were talking about the weather.

"Yes," Prince Nikko said in a voice cold enough to freeze boiling water in two seconds flat.

"Umm," Sty said obviously struggling to find the words for what he was about to say. "They want you."

"THE FUCK," Célestine shouted. "Jasper could have just called if he wanted me."

"There has to be more to it than that," I said more to myslef than to the others.

"They want the both of you, " Prince Nikko stated flatly.

"WHAT," I shouted in a voice dripping with much aghast.

"Calm down," Célestine said as though he were talking to a child in need of consoling and he was at wits end.

"How can you say that when you know that this is Milan's means of finally getting his grubby little paws on me," I snapped back more hotly than I intended.

"Who's this Milan," Aunt Avie asked the question that I could tell Sty wanted to ask.

"Milan is My Jasper's Pack Master," Célestine said in a voice that would have sounded terse on anyone else. "He's 19. The tall, dark, and brooding type with a bit of a short fuse and a thing for V-Card carriers."

"Short fuse, my arse," Sty said. "That's the understament of the f-ing century from what I've just seen."

"He took out almost the whole Royal Guard by himself," Prince Nikko said morosely. "And these are the ones who've trained for centuries to deal with such threats."

"I do have to say that if I were into dogs he'd deffinately make the top five," Sty said rather salaciously.

"Careful there, mate. You might make Prince Charming there jealous," I said in my best  impersonation of Tine.

"Don't be facetious, mon cher. It doesn't suit you," Célestine shot back.

"I think I can speak for myself, and I agree. Wolf boy is quite dashing, in the causeless rebel kind of way," Prince Nikko said without missing a beat.

"Guess I'm the odd man out in this," I said tritly.

"What, wolves not your thing," Sty said facetiously.

"I'm into the tall, dark, and incredibly ferine. He's more the rangy, wan, and  incredibly etiolate type," Célestine answered for me.

"Since you're obvi so well versed in English you can do your own work from now on," I said back.

"Oh, Hon, we've got to teach you how to give a proper come back," Aunt Avie said under her breath at me. I heard her and staired daggers at her; if looks could kill she'd be dead or at least mamed.

"And BTW, Your Highness, you're just his type. Care to make a punch in his v-card," Célestine said lewdly.

"Don't answer that my Prince.. err, Your Highness," I said to Prince Nikko before turning to Tine and all but shouted "What the hell is your fucking problem. You salacious, self-gratifying, libertine, persona non grata. Have you no filter on the cesspool you call a mouth? You can't just say whatever the hell pops into that fucking depraved little mind of yours whenever GD you feel like it. And in front of your own brother's fiace, no less."

"Ok, so, Come Back 101 is now canceled," Aunt Avie said with a slight smirk.

"It's ok," Sty said lightly as though addressing an inconsolable toddler.

"No it's not," I shot back.

"I think I might be able to clarify this matter," Prince Nikko interjected cooly. "I would love to get to know you that way, another time."

"Like I was saying. It's okay with me if you two do get to know each other in the bibical sence," Sty said.

"THE FUCK," I shouted.

"I though it would be obvi, Lestie," Célestine said to me. "The whole marriage thing is a sham."

"It's true," Sty said. "Nikko and I came up with this as a matter of convenince. I was tired of getting hit on by over zealous Vamps looking to advance their social status. I am, after all, the son of the King's Consort."

"And I was tried of every Thom, Dick, Harry, and Georgette trying to get with me," Prince Nikko said.

"So, I approached Nikko and came up with the idea of a fake ship," Sty continued.

"We should continue this another time," Aunt Avie said suddenly. "We need to regroup and figure out what we're going to do about this situation."

"I thought that's was what I was doing," Célestine said. "If the object of wolf boy's affection is no longer in his affection..."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Aunt Avie shouted. "Can you endeavor to transcend your pedantically base and mediocrely feral waste of a reproductive cycle for a nanosecond and attempt to contemplate, with your Head and not your head, actully saying something useful for once."

"Ouch. Use a dick, next time," Célestine said facetiously.

"Juno, I think your Jas has that on covered," Sty shot back.

"Speaking of the wolves, what are we going to do," Prince Nikko said.