Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2011 03:18:08 +0000 From: Ryan Westmen Subject: There is no love 4 Usual disclaimers apply, all copyright goes to me `the author' and may not be used without my consent, you know the drill Email me at: ryan93111@hotmail.com ALSO!!!! I haven't said this before but THANK YOU SO MUCH to my amazing editor Lisa :) you're great and this story would be unreadable without her :) p.s. this ---oOo--- means a flashback and when you see it again it means the end of the flashback, so back to the present, got it? Good Here we go ------ Oh man, where do I start, I'm so sorry this took so long to get out, but you know life and shit gets in the way. Thank you too all who have written me, it means a lot. Plus I really appreciate all the support from you guys and I promise the next chapters will get out quicker for my readers. Thnaks again and keep the emails and support coming :) ------ Kai's P.O.V.: ------ Love is what you feel when you have no emotions left to hate. I can tell you right now, I have a lot of hate left for Mike; who the fuck does he think he is? 'Kai, I'm sorry', if he was sorry, he wouldn't have slept with Aaron in the first place. Fuck, how dare he even try to apologize, it's been what a month since I found out about Aaron and him and he's already trying to slither his way back into my heart? Mike was my best friend, hell he was my first crush, and he goes and does a fucked up thing like this. I'm just glad I got out of there when I did or, or I don't know, I probably would have punched the fuck out of him. He's bigger but I wouldn't have gone down without a fight. I need to get away, have a break from all of this shit; from my life. Sometimes I wish I could just move away, start fresh or swap places with someone around the world, like Australia! Rachel seems nice, she comes from there, and maybe I can swap places and go live with her family. Maybe over there they won't go behind their best friend's back and steal the two best things in their life. Once outside of the suffocating bustle of the mall, I ran, ran as fast as I could. I had to get away from Mike, away from that part of my life that just keeps getting opened up. My lungs filled with air as my feet rhythmically plodded along to the sounds of my breathing. One, two, three, breathe, that's it; it's okay. It's okay? What am I thinking? Is there a rule that says it's okay to sleep with your best friend's boyfriend? It's okay to sleep with ANYONE, other than your partner in a committed relationship? FUCK! I just kept running and my chest grew tight, due to the cool air and the speed of my run; I was running, forcing away the remnants of my shithole of a life. The life I was so naive to accept with good graces. I continued running until I reached a small park; not just a park, but 'the' park; the park where Aaron and I had our first kiss; my first kiss ever. ---oOo--- "Hey, come on, no one is here, and I've been dying to get a taste of you since we met." Aaron's voice was soft and husky. My cheeks were burning six shades of red; this is the first time anyone has ever wanted me, ever shown an interest. "Aaron what if someone comes, I don't think people want to see two teen...." He cut me off with his soft, angelic lips molding around mine, spreading their warmth through my body. His lips were softly caressing mine, sharing a piece of his heart with me. His warm, wet tongue snaked out glazing my bottom lip with his, and a soft whimper escaped my lips. As my lips parted, my mouth was penetrated by Aaron. I knew then I loved this angelic boy sitting here on the swing set, kissing me, ME! Of all people, me! He slowly pulled back, the cool air penetrating my lips, missing his closeness already. "How was that Kaiden?" "Ugh...." He chuckled softly, "that good eh?" His golden, silk eyes were on me, calming my nerves. "Wow," was the only thing my hazy mind could think to say. ---oOo--- A small smile graced my lips with the sudden memory of how great my life was, before all the drama, before all the lies and the cover-ups, before I saw that fucking video! I sat quietly, still on the same swing, the same swing where my heart was unexpectantly taken away to be held hostage. `Aaron, why did you do it? I don't understand; I never understand you; you were always the great mystery of my life. Leaving clues to be unraveled, only to fully detach yourself from our story, leaving me alone. You were selfish, you weren't worthy of my heart, but I gave it away like a piece of gum.' One soft tear escaped the recess of my eyes, melting down my soft cheek. `I need to get my life back, I need to forget you, I need to move on. I need a lot of things but it's just too painful.' A vibrating sensation in my leg dragged me away from my thoughts; away from my self-pity. I unlocked my phone, One New Message: Tyler, ugh, I don't feel like acting all happy and normal again, he can wait, twenty minutes won't kill him. One month of being hit with the realization of my fairytale and I'm still kicking. It vibrated again Two New Messages: Tyler. Okay maybe I should check what they're about. Tyler: Hey, where are you? You k? Not like u to miss class :( Tyler: Hey, you k? You need a friend? :| No, what I need is my boyfriend back and my best friend. What I need is for this shit to be gone and my old life to come back. I'll reply so he will stop panicking, jeez I'm a mess and I'm still putting other people ahead of me. Kaiden: hey, I'm fine, out at the 'park' just thinking Not three seconds after I sent it he replied. Man he is still just as good a friend, after I practically ignored his entire existence, I wish I ended up with someone like him; Tyler would never hurt me. Tyler: k, be there in ten Ahhh, no man, oh well, no reason trying to stop him, it will just make him get here faster. Fuck, he's a great guy. Ten minutes; that's enough to get out of here, but knowing him he will track me down like a wolf. Wait, he has class too, man now I'm going to be in more shit if we get caught. I'll blame it on Rachel; it was her idea anyway. What must have been ten minutes later, a large shadow covered my body: Tyler. "Hey, you alright?" His voice was thick with concern over me. What is it? I'm not good enough to have real friends so I get fake emotions, from fake people. "Yeah, I'm fine. Okay maybe fine isn't the right word. I'm terrible, why is my life such a fucking mess?" Tears were threatening to make an appearance on my clear face. Why is it still so hard; I mean one month isn't a long time, but still shouldn't it be getting easier every single day? "Hey, it's okay; your life isn't a mess. You have just had a bit of... a rough patch, that's all." Tyler stated. I looked up into his face. His storming, grey eyes were swirling the emotion around my body. His mouth was outlined with a strong smile; perfect white teeth beaming his happiness at seeing me. If only I could return the favor. "A rough patch? That's a fucking understatement! Rough is nice compared to what I'm feeling right now. Mike didn't make it any easier about twenty minutes ago." Tyler's body visibly tightened; his fists clenched tight, his jaw clenched. "What did he do?" He asked through gritted teeth. Oh no, what happened between them now? Man, my life is just drama, drama and a bit more drama, just for laughs you know? "He didn't do anything other than ruin my life. I guess sitting here just brings up bad memories. You know what this place is, right? This is where Aaron and I first..." "Yeah I know; it's okay. It must bring up a lot of emotions for you." He replied. Fuck why he is so nice, he's so nice and so caring. Why couldn't I have picked him instead of Aaron? "Yeah, you know sitting here it just makes me think of how great Aaron seemed at the time, then only to find out he's banging Mike," my face completely drained of all emotion. Fuck; again I just had to think of that. ---oOo--- Ugh! School; why is it so fucking boring? Whoever invented it, I'm going to kill em, again. I suppose it's not all bad. I mean, I recently realized I'm gay, and I noticed that walking around the halls of school is the one place where all your fantasies can go wild. Hot, drop dead gorgeous guys walking around, wearing tight clothes showing of their packages. I mean what's not to like? Shit, got to calm down; don't want to pop a boner right here; that could be social suicide. But look at all the guys! Oh, that one has wicked guns, oh he has amazing eyes, awww, he has an incredible body; shit I'm drooling. BAM! Argh, fuck my head, what the fuck? Who swings a door out when someone is walking past? Fucking asshole. Lucky the floor is holding me back, or he would have been effed up. "Oh shit, are you okay?" the masculine, husky voice drew me from my pain, making my eyes lock on to the figure before me. Perfection. He stood around 5'10", his light blonde hair, swaying to the side, with small curls dancing on the tips, highlighting his boyish face. His full pink lips curled up into a smile, and his golden, silky brown eyes showing concern for me. He outstretched his toned arm, and I just stared at it. Oh My God his arm is fucking hot! The hard muscle was highlighted by one single vein, running down the tanned mound of flesh. "You sure you're okay?" his voice softened remarkably. This kid has to be my age. "C'mon, get up dude. I was listening to this song for music; gotta learn the lyrics to sing it and I didn't see you, sure your okay?" "Uhh... Y-y-yeah I-I'm fine," I smiled shyly. Wow this couldn't get any more awkward, but damn he's just so fucking hot. "I'm Aaron." ---oOo--- "Wait, Mike fucked Aaron?!?!" Tyler's voice ripped me from my blissful state, the seething anger dripped off his words like a vicious animal. Wait, he didn't know? I thought everyone knew; what has Mike been telling people? "Wait, huh? You didn't know?" my voice came out a whisper; this just got a whole lot harder. "No, of course I didn't fucking know! Seriously Kai, I'm gonna kill him! How could he do this to you? To my Kai?" his eyes filled with a passionate rage. I have to calm him soon. Whoa, he just called me, 'my Kai'; what does that mean? "Tyler? What do you mean 'my Kai'?" my soft voice instantly quelled his raging fury. Just as the last word left my mouth all the color from his handsome face left, his mouth hung agape; he didn't even know he said it. Oh God. ------ Mike's P.O.V.: ------ Oh FUCK! What is wrong with me? Of course he would never want to take me back! I ruined his life for him, for my Kai. Even with all this shit happening, he still keeps dragging the pieces of my heart everywhere he goes. If he told me to fly to the moon, I would find a way. My shirt was still cold from where he cried; the cold, stained tears were keeping me warm, knowing that they came from Kai. That's all I need, all I need is a little piece of him and then, then he will be mine. I can't give up on him, on us. I just need to dig a little further and make him listen, and then everything will be great, just great. I wiped the remnants of my tears on the back of my hand; soon I'll be there to wipe your tears Kai. I stood up from the table with newfound determination. Kai is going to be mine, and I promise I will never let him go. "Oh, where did Kai go?" Rachel's shrieking voice knocked me out of my confident state. Kai, he left, he told me to let him go. I can't do that, not now, not ever. I love him too much. My eyes focused on hers, her eyes were filled with rage. Oh shit. "Ahhh, he left." "Why did he leave? WHAT DID YOU DO?" her voice raised to a shout. A few people at the surrounding tables turned our way. I don't have time for this; I need to go find Kai, tell him I love him, and kiss away his tears. "I didn't do anything." My voice was a soft whisper, my lip quivering. I need to get to him. "Look, I know what you did to him; I'm not a big fan of yours. You're the biggest fucking dickhead I have ever met; what would make you do something like that?" her eyes glazed over with hate, towards me and what I did to Kai. "I-I-I... I did it coz I love him... if he found out what Aaron did he would dump him, then we could be together." The pressure behind my eyes was rising. "Something's wrong with your plan asshole; you're the one Aaron cheated with. You're worse than Aaron was; you were his best friend since you were what, five? And you go and fuck him over like this?" "It's not like that; if he found out how many people Aaron cheated with, then he would realize he should be with me. I thought he would realize how much I need him." Two tears made their escape, cascading down my face. "So you show him what? You and his boyfriend; the guy he loved, FUCKING! What is wrong with you?" Rachel snapped. "No, I wasn't supposed to be in the video; my face was meant to be off the screen." Three more tears escaped my eyes. "OH THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH BETTER! You still did it! It was you! You're the reason he is hurting, and you excuse is, `I wasn't meant to be on the screen'?" she shouted. "NO! It would have been fine if Kai realized what Aaron was doing before; I just needed him to see for himself." I tried to explain. "And you had to be the one to show him? You pretty much fucked up his entire life; he is broken and torn. You couldn't have just told him how you feel? I'm sure he would have handled that a hell of a lot better," her eyes softened; she was feeling sorry for me, how? How could anyone feel sorry for me? After what I did to Kai; no one should have to go through what I put him through, ME! "Look, I hate you! And I don't hate many people! What you did was the worst thing you could do, really. You filmed yourself fucking his boyfriend; oh that wouldn't hurt him, would it? You are pathetic; you're a poor excuse for a person, but I can tell Kai means everything to you. You're falling apart without him. I can see the way your eyes light up, hell you could light up a room as soon as he walks in. Mate, you need to get your shit in gear and fucking apologize to him; at least let him know why you did it. He's not gonna forgive you, he probably never will, but at least give him a reason to hate you." "I-I have to go, sorry." I said. "Don't apologize, but if you make it worse, I WILL bash the shit outta you!" With that I made my quick escape from the crazy bitch. I need to find Kai. My eyes were flowing with tears, tears of pain and what I did to Kai. Rachel's right; I am a poor excuse for a person. He could be anywhere by now, shit, where would he go when he is upset? Man it's been so long, I don't even know the first place to start looking. I started walking back to school; places we went when we were kids were swirling around my cluttered mind. All the memories of us, me and him smiling having fun, being normal, playing in the water, sharing a room. When he was sad you could see his eyes quiver; now they're just lifeless; glazed over by his worn out emotions. I need to find him, he needs space but I need him; he is my oxygen. Maybe Tyler knows where he is. I fucking hate the guy, but if he helps me find Kai I can put that behind me, for awhile anyway. I pulled out my phone. WAIT I know where he would have gone; the `park'. Of course! It's the one place he always goes; it protects him, takes him back to a better time in his life. Takes him back to a time before I went and fucked it all up, before I killed Kai, leaving behind an emotionless shell of the beautiful boy I used to know, and used to adore. I started running as fast as I could; the sooner I get there the quicker I can get my Kai back. My chest was expanding and compressing as I dodged through random people on the streets. I was crossing streets without even looking. Getting hit by a car wouldn't even stop me, not today, not when my Kai is waiting for me. My breathing staggered as I kept sprinting, kept powering to where I knew my Kai was hiding, alone with no one to love him. When I get there I am not letting him go; once I catch him he's mine forever. The park was just coming into view. As I slowed to a steady jog I was thinking of what I will say to Kai to make him understand what I did to him and why. `Hey Kai I love you', `I know I hurt you, but it was because I love you'. Fuck, apology speeches are hard. I kept my solid pace, closing the never ending gap between me and the park, between me and Kai, my Kai. I slowly eased off into a walk. I don't know what to say, my chest tightened at the thought of Kai rejecting me again. My lungs pushed all the air out, my throat scratchy from the stress of what I was about to do; I was about to tell Kai I was in love with him. I reached the edge of the park and stopped dead in my tracks. Kai was sitting on a swing looking down at the bark covered ground, and next to him was Tyler. My fists clenched, my body tightened. I'm going to kill him if he hurt Kai anymore, I will rip his fucking face off, see how many girls he gets then. My teeth clenched shut between the weights of my jaw, my breathing staggered from the run to the park, combined with the anger of seeing Tyler so close to Kai, my Kai. I kept my pace towards them, my fists clenching tighter the closer I got to the two of them. He's fucking dead. As I got closer, Tyler looked over his shoulder towards me, and his face completely turned into a vision of anger; his jaw tightened and his shoulders rose. An intense death stare was shared between us as I kept proceeding forward. "You motherfucker, Imma kill you," his venom word shot out like daggers. Oh, it's on now brother; you're mine. ------ Authors Note: Comments, thoughts, criticism, anything emails it too: ryan93111@hotmail.com Peace out :P