Date: Mon, 14 May 2001 20:12:27 -0400 From: Justin Subject: Through My Eyes, Chapter 15 (Category: Gay/High School) Through My Eyes Chapter 15 After I talked to my Mom, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It was still a little overwhelming, having so many people knowing, but at least they were all cool with it. I thought about James and how he would take it, but shook my head of those thoughts. He'd definitely never understand or accept it. He'd probably move out or kick my ass. I sighed as I gently swung in the hammock. The day had warmed up quite nicely and I wore only a white tank top and a pair of jeans. I basked in the warm glow of the setting sun and let the cool breeze wash over me. I loved days like this. Not too hot, not too cold, clear sky, light breeze. It was perfect. I was just about to drift off into a little cat nap when I heard the phone ring from inside. Dad was working late and Mom had gone to pick up James from school because he stayed after to serve detention. Reluctantly, I climbed out of the hammock and jogged inside to the phone, picking it up. "Hello?" "JC! Hey, kid, how's it goin?" "Dr. Ryan!" "What did I tell you about that!" "Sorry.." I blushed, "Noel." "Much better! So how's things?" He asked. "Boy have I got a lot to tell you!" "Oh yea?" I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Yea." "Well, I'm free this weekend if you want to get together or something." "That would be great! How bout Saturday afternoon?" I asked. "Sounds good to me!" "Alright, I guess come pick me up at around noonish or so." "Cool. See ya then!" He hung up as did I and I went back outside, plopping back down into the hammock. I stared up at the crystal blue sky and smiled contently. Things were definitely going better than expected. I sighed and put my hands behind my head, relaxing once again. That Saturday, I woke up early and went jogging on the beach. The breeze was cool, but the climate balanced it out, making it the perfect weather for jogging. The beach was pretty much desolate except for a few people either walking their dogs or just walking. I slowed to a stop as I reached my car once again. I convinced my Mom to let me take the car just to go jogging and promised I'd call when I got there and when I finished running. Paranoid much? At any rate, I relented. I wiped the sweat from my face and approached my car, opening the door and pulling out my water bottle. I took a long gulp of it and continued walking around, winding down. After I'd cooled down and caught my breath, I called my mom to tell her I was on my way back home. I got in the car and closed the door, starting up the engine. It made a funny noise as I put my foot on the break to shift gears, but it didn't sound too ominous, so I headed home. When I arrived back at home, Dr. Ryan's car was already in the driveway. I looked at the clock. I wasn't late, he was early. An hour and a half early. I shrugged and got out of the car, making my way into the house. When I closed the door behind me, I went into the kitchen where Dr. Ryan sat with my Mom and Dad at the kitchen table. I waved to them. "Your early." I noted, looking to Dr. Ryan. "Yea, I wanted to come by and chat with your folks since we haven't had a chance to talk since your little visit to the hospital." "Ok." I replied, looking at both my parents before turning and heading upstairs. "I'll be ready soon." I called over my shoulder as I ascended the stairs to my room. I got in and closed the door, peeling my wet shirt off of me. I threw it in the hamper with the dirty clothes and then lowered my shorts, stepping out of them. I grabbed a towel and went into the bathroom. As I stepped out of the shower, I grabbed the towel, dried off, and wrapped it around my waist. I opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom, the cool air shocking me out of the warm, steamy atmosphere I was just in. I heard scrambling and looked around my room. "What the hell are you doing in here?" I demanded as James whirled around from the door out to the hallway. He looked awfully guilty and his brain seemed to be processing, trying to make up an excuse. Poor thing, his brain didn't know how to work that fast. Then again, he wasn't used to getting caught in the act of whatever he was doing. "Well!" I urged him, crossing my arms over my chest. "Uh.m-mom told me to come up here and get your dirty clothes so she can wash them." He fumbled for his words, spitting them out almost nervously. I eyed him suspiciously. "Mom knows I wash my own clothes and so do you. What's going on?" I continued giving him a glare, but he seemed to relax and stood tall. I still held my glare, but he just turned and walked out of my room. I stood there, my blood boiling in my veins. Mental note: lock my door when I leave. I shook my head in disgust and continued to go through the motions of getting ready. After I had gotten dressed, brushed my teeth, and ran some gel through my hair, I headed out, locking the door to my room on the way out. I headed down the stairs and went into the living room where Dr. Ryan and my parents sat, chatting about nothing in particular. Dr. Ryan looked up at me as I entered the room. "Ready?" he inquired, standing up. "Yep, let's go." "Where are you off to?" My Dad asked. Dr. Ryan looked at me and I looked at him, shrugging. "We'll probably just go get a bite to eat and hang out for a while." He decided for us. I nodded and looked at my mom who seemed unsure for some reason. Nevertheless, she nodded. "Have a good time," they both said as we walked out the front door. Half an hour later, I found myself sitting on the patio section of a restaurant. I watched as the tourists and market shoppers walked by as well as the horse-drawn carriages full of people with the driver calling out historical facts about certain buildings. The sun shone brightly overhead, warming everything nicely. "So, how have you been lately?" Dr. Ryan interrupted my people watching, taking a sip of his beer. I looked at him and shrugged. "So-so I guess." He nodded, but didn't seem satisfied with my answer. "So, what's been going on?" he asked, elaborating his question to get a better answer out of me. I smiled and took a sip of my water, sitting back in my chair. I had to prepare myself for this longwinded story. "Well, if you really want to know.." He nodded, so I proceeded to tell him the entire story of how I'd driven to Charlotte because I was in love with Cody and how Jessy and my mom had found out about me. He sat and listened to me very interestedly. I hated talking about myself so much. It made me feel like some spoiled little brat blowing all his problems out of proportion, but Dr. Ryan kept assuring me that my problems were important. He put me at ease like no one else could do. I felt completely comfortable around him and he seemed to enjoy my company, too. I know what you're thinking, but I never fell in love with him. At least, not in the way people would think. Dr. Ryan became my best friend of sorts. I loved him very much for giving me the chance to get my "problems" out and put things into perspective. By listening and seeming interested, he gave me more than anyone could have given me. As we sat and people-watched for the rest of the time we were there, it just felt nice to have some comfortable silence; to just sit there and know that I wasn't being judged or looked down upon. I made a mental note to thank Dr. Ryan for all he'd done for me someday. After about an hour of just chatting about nothing, eating and whatnot, we paid and started strolling around the market. "Hey, Doc?" I asked softly. He smiled. "Doc.. I like that. What is it, Jack?" "Can I ask you something?" "Anything. That's what I'm here for," He assured me. "Do you think it's too soon for me to be seeing someone. you know. a guy? I mean, do you think I'm rushing into things? After all, I'm still coming to grips with the fact that I'm, well, you know.. Am I being hasty with all of this?" He didn't say anything for a few moments, as if thinking hard about the right answer. Finally, he looked over at me. "Jack, you have to do whatever feels right for you. I can tell you what I think, but that doesn't apply to your life. I do what I think is right for me. You do what you think is right for you. I know that may not help much, but it's the best advice I can give." He shrugged. I took his words in. He was right, they didn't help in the since that I had intended for him to, but then again, it was the best advice I'd heard in a while. I just had to sort out my own feelings. Did I love Cody? Do I even know what love is? I loved Jessy, though, right? The truth was, I didn't really know any of the answers to these questions. I knocked on the door to my Mom's office at home later that night. "Come in." Came the voice from inside. I opened the door and peeked my head in. She looked up and smiled. "Jack! What can I do for you?" She asked cheerfully. I smiled weakly and stepped in, closing the door behind me. She shot me a perturbed look. "Something wrong?" "No.. well, sort of. I wanted to ask you something.. a favor." I spat out, stuttering. She removed her glasses and set them on the table, leaning in. "Yes?" I looked down, and then back up at her guiltily. "I was wondering if you might let me ride up to Charlotte to see Cody next weekend." I watched her as she sighed and sat back in her chair. "Absolutely not." Was her reply. I bit my lip. "Mom, its not what you think. I need to see about something." "And what is that exactly?" She asked, intrigued all of a sudden. "I just need to make sure that I'm doing the right thing by being with Cody. I was talking to Dr. Ryan today and I have all these uncertainties about my feelings and I think the only way to clear up these confusions is to see Cody to make sure what I'm feeling is more than just something brought up because I needed someone who was going through the same thing as me to make myself feel better." I rambled, trying to make as many reasons up as I could so she would have more to think about when making her decision. I looked back up at her as she seemed to calculate it all in her head. She looked over at me and sighed. "I don't know, Jack." "Mom, I'm asking you this time. I'm sorry about all that stuff before but I was having a hard time. I wasn't thinking. I need this right now. I need to figure all this out before I jump into something that I might not be ready for. Please." She pursed her lips and tapped her finger on the surface of her desk. Finally, she looked up at me. "Alright, Jack. But you must call me when you get there and keep the cell phone with you at all times! I'm trusting you, Jack." With the last sentence, I knew that was her way of pressuring me to be good through guilt. I couldn't break her trust and she knew it. My conscience is a bitch. I smiled at her and jumped up, hugging her tight. "Thank you, Mom. I love you." "I love you, too, son." With that, I turned and left, rushing to my room to call Cody.