Date: Tue, 6 Feb 2001 17:20:55 -0500 From: Justin Subject: Through My Eyes, CHapter Four Hey People! Me again! I have a new email address now where you can all email me with comments and whatnot. Here's CHapter Four. I hope you all like this chapter and are liking the story as well. THANKS...and please don't hesitate to write! Through My Eyes Chapter 4 I stared out the window as the world rushed by me. It had sprinkled rain here and there the whole way to Myrtle Beach, but the skies seemed to be clearing up. Maybe I'd even get to the beach today. I sighed and my mind was once again drawn back to the events that had taken place the night before. Maybe I should have called Cody and told him it was ok. But was it ok? I mean, he kissed me for cryin out loud! And what's more..I liked it. Maybe I was angry with him. He's completely turned my life upside down and last night was when I hit the ground.hard. I was hoping it would have all been a dream, but was sadly disappointed when I awoke the next morning and it all came rushing back to me. I shook my head and continued to stare out the window. The sun had come out now and was shining down just about the time I saw the ocean. I smiled to myself. While I'm here, I'm not thinking about it. This is my time to be completely happy and have fun. No more stress! At least for the month I was staying there. At least for the month, I was going to forget about who I was and just be.. Someone else. "JC!!!" Jessy ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck. "Hey Baby! Careful, don't want to strangle me to death!" I joked as I hugged her back. She pulled back and smiled, placing a kiss on my lips. The sweet kiss slowly turned into a longer, lingering kiss that made me realize how much I'd missed Jessy. I had decided to stay for the whole summer instead of just a month. I had gotten a job with my Uncle at his country club and I was getting used to having the steady cashflow, but as they say.all good things must come to an end. I'd grown about 3 inches over the summer and stood at a respectable 5'6 as opposed to 5'3 which I'd hated. I'd also gotten a deep tan and my hair had turned so light it almost looked blonde. I looked like a surfer or something. Jessy took a step back and gave me a once over with her eye. She shook her head and bit her lower lip. "I was right!" She said, nodding her head and still eyeing me. "What?" I asked, my face turning red. "You look so sexy with a tan! And you've grown like a foot!" "3 Inches." "You look hot!" "Thanks," I blushed. I looked down at the ground and then away. I guess my old shyness was coming back to me. I'd gotten used to having no one know me. I felt completely free that way. I could be anybody I wanted at that beach! "Come on inside. I've got a surprise for you." Jessy took my arm and led me inside with a big grin on her face. I eyed her suspiciously and stepped up to the door. She opened it and it swung open. I was immediately then greeted by a huge outpour of.. "SURPRISE!" About 30 or 40 people stood all around my front door with big smiles on their face. Did I even have this many friends? I smiled and my eye caught a misfit.a non-smiler. Immediately, my face dropped. Cody looked at me shyly and then away. Oh God, not now. I mustered up some cheerfulness and plastered the smile back across my face again. "Oh my gosh! Thank you guys!" I exclaimed. "Thank Jessy..she planned it all out," my mother chimed in. I smiled and turned to Jessy who smiled up at me. I threw my arms around her and picked her up off the ground. "Thanks love." I set her down and placed a kiss on her cheek. I winked at her and then turned back to the guests. I glanced back at where Cody had been standing, but he disappeared. I shrugged and then followed Jessy into the living room where music played and people began dancing. About a fourth of the way through the party, I began feeling overwhelmingly guilty about the whole Cody situation and decided I needed to talk to him. Someone told me he hadn't left yet, so I decided to look for him. I stepped outside onto the deck into the warm summer evening. I looked around and then walked down the stairs to the pool area. Still no sign of him. I walked past the pool towards the dock and sure enough, there he was with his feet dangling off the dock into the water. He whirled around when he heard my footsteps on the wood. "You startled me." He said, turning back towards the water. I stepped behind him and sighed. "We need to talk." I said, not really wanting to. But I needed to get it out in the open before it drove me nuts. He looked down and began chewing on his lower lip. I took a seat beside him on the dock. His eyes didn't move. "Look, I feel like such a jerk for letting you run out like that before I left." "No, its not your fault. I shouldn't have told you. I don't blame you." "No, it is my fault. It wasn't fair to go off and leave you with this guilt. You haven't done anything wrong. It shocked me to no end! I just didn't know what to do. It freaked me out, I'll admit it. But I reacted the wrong way. It's totally ok, Cody." He looked up, surprised. He looked skeptical though. "I just thought.I don't know. I thought I sensed something." He said softly, looking back down. "I thought.." "You thought that I was gay too." I finished for him. He shook his head. "I just thought I felt something between us." He whispered. He sounded so weak. I put my hand on his shoulder, but he cowered under it and pulled away. I sighed. I could see tears beginning to stream down his face. "Cody, please don't cry.." I tried to comfort him, but he wouldn't let me touch him. "You're disgusted by me. You hate me." "No, no I don't!" "Yes you do! All of you people are the same! Shallow pieces of shit." Shallow? He thought I was shallow? And what exactly did he mean you people? "You people?" I asked, completely hurt and confused by his statement. "All of you rich kids with your cell phones and BMW's," he snapped. I stared at him wide-eyed. I wasn't anything like the people I hung out with. I don't even like most of them all that much. They are shallow, but I never considered myself one of them. Is this how people see me? "Cody, I'm not like that and you know it!" "Aren't you?" He snapped again. "No! Cody, I'm not disgusted by you and I don't hate you! This is no reason to hate someone! I don't judge like that, man!" I assured him. He glared at me, seemingly annoyed and cold. "Whatever. See ya 'round, JACK!" With that, he got up and stormed off. I slumped over and buried my head in my hands. My head pounded and I felt like I was going to throw up. "JC? What are you doing out here? People are starting to leave." Jessy's voice came from behind me. I turned and looked at her. She looked around and then back at me. "Have you been out here by yourself all this time?" She asked. I looked past her to where Cody had stomped off to and then back up at her. "Yea." She shot me a strange look as I got up and joined her. I put my arm around her and walked with her back inside, glancing back behind me once more. Over the next two weeks, I tried my best to get in touch with Cody. I got his number from a mutual friend and left countless messages on his answering machine. I even got his address and went over to his house, but no one would ever answer. I couldn't believe how he'd reacted at my welcome back party. Where did all that come from? I laid out on my hammock watching the sky turn it's various colors as the day progressed into night. Only a few more days until school starts back up. What a depressing thought that was. I'd been living in paradise all summer and I have to turn around and go back to hell? I sighed and tried to push that out of my mind. A knock on the balcony door interrupted my moment of peace and I looked towards it with an annoyed expression on my face. My mom stepped out onto the balcony. We had always been pretty close. Closer than my Dad and I. James and Dad clicked better. James was the athlete and I was.well, I didn't really know who I was. I didn't consider myself an artist really. I'd always had a talent for it and had been told I was very gifted, but art never really interested me. I liked to sing, but my voice had pretty much been shot since my voice changed. I liked to write, but I didn't have the patience, plus, you can't be guaranteed successful at any of those. There I go over-thinking again. "Hey Mom." "Hey Sweetie. I'll be home tomorrow at noon so we can head out." "Head out?" "You mean you've forgotten?" She asked somewhat surprised. "Forgotten what?" I looked at her, completely confused. "Your driver's test, Jack!" She laughed. "You've been waiting for this day since you turned 15..or so I thought." "Oh my gosh! I completely spaced. That's tomorrow?" She nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. "Man, I can't believe I forgot." She chuckled, shaking her head, and walked back inside. I laid back down on the hammock and drifted back into my peaceful state. Then the phone rang. "I give up!" I groaned as I got up and jogged inside to where the phone was. "Hello?" I answered, the frustration apparent in my voice. "JC?" "Cody! Where the hell have you been? I have been trying to get in touch with you for weeks!" "I know. Look, I'm sorry about the way I reacted. I guess I'm just a little sensitive about the whole thing you know. Not many people are real accepting, you know?" He sounded distant, but sincere. "You have nothing to be sorry about. It's completely understandable. I just wish you had called me sooner. I've been worried." "You have?" "Hell yea!" "That mouth of yours boy!" He laughed. I covered my mouth and smiled. "Sorry." "Just teasin, man. Can we just strike that whole deal on the dock from the record?" "You bet." "Thanks." "No Prob, Cody." We stayed quiet for a few moments. "Was there something else?" "Well, I'm leaving." "What do you mean?" "We're moving again." "Moving? Where? When?" "Yes, San Francisco, two days." He replied. "Oh my gosh. I can't believe this." "What? You're not actually going to miss me are you?" I blushed and stayed quiet. I guess he sensed it cause he laughed. "I'm just playin, man." "We'll have to get together before you go. You know, as a goodbye thing or something." "Can't. Tomorrow we're going to Columbia to get a few things we left there from the last move and then we're leaving at 1 the next day." He explained. "Well, I'll come see you to say goodbye." "Well, you sure are persistent. Sure you're not interested?" He teased. I got quiet once again. "I'm just playing, JC! Geez, man, take a joke." I mustered up a fake laugh and felt incredibly uncomfortable because the fact was, I would miss him. And maybe I was interested. I mean, why would I have all those dreams if I wasn't interested. Guess I'd never know, but then again, maybe it was for the best. One word..Jessy. "Well, I've got to go." He said after a few moments. "Ok, well I'll come by sometime around ten on Sunday. After church." "Sounds good. Bye, JC." "Bye Cody." I hung up the phone and suddenly felt so much better and so much worse at the same time. What if I was interested in Cody and what if I was...I can't even say the word. I'd never have a chance to find out. But again, it was probably for the best. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe it was just stress after all and God was taking Cody away to make me see that. Still, I was a little sad. Two days later, I walked the few blocks to Cody's house and knocked on his front door. A few minutes later, he answered the door and stepped aside for me to come in. I was still in my church clothes, but had loosened my tie and unbuttoned my shirt, revealing the tight-fitting tank top underneath. My sleeves were rolled up as well. I thought I caught him looking at me out of the corner of my eye, but ignored it. He led me to his room at the back of the house and I took a seat on the bed. He stood at the doorway awkwardly as if he didn't know what to do. I smiled reassuringly. "You can come sit on the bed, Cody. I'm not scared you'll hit on me or anything." I assured him, patting the seat next to me. "Yea, but I can't be sure I won't." I blushed all kinds of red and looked away. "Sorry, my mouth takes control sometimes." He apologized, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. I shook my head. "It's ok." He smiled at my blushing and then looked away. I felt extremely uncomfortable and decided to change the subject. "I can't believe you're leaving. I feel like we didn't get to know each other at all!" I exclaimed. He nodded and looked down. "Yea I know. But maybe it's better this way." "What do you mean?" I asked. He continued to look down, fidgeting with his fingers. "Because..JC.you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you." This caught me by complete surprise. I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. He then looked up at me and shrugged. "But it's ok, you know. It's not your fault." I still said nothing. "I mean, you're not gay, not like that's a bad thing. In fact, it's a very good thing when you think about it. Being this way is no bowl of cherries." He chuckled. I smiled slightly and looked down. Still I said nothing. "Well, anyway. I can see I'm making you very uncomfortable, so let's change the subject, shall we?" I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. "So." We both couldn't think of anything to say, which magnified the awkwardness in the room. "Oh, I got my restricted license!" I exclaimed. "Whoa! Awesome!" Cody smiled. I nodded and the moment of excitement was gone. After a few more moments of silence, I finally stood up. "I'm really sorry, but I should go. I told my Mom I wouldn't be long. We're having brunch with some friends of the family." Cody laughed and began speaking in a snooty accent. "At the country club, no doubt. Have some tea, chat about polo." He laughed and I blushed once again. "I'm joking. I'm glad you came over. It was nice meeting you, JC. And thanks for everything. You've been a good friend." "Please." "No really." I smiled and we walked to the front door. I stepped outside and he stood at the door. I turned and looked at him, wanting to say something, but not knowing what. I looked up at him. He was smiling at me. That smile. Maybe there is something there. "Is there something wrong?" Cody asked. I bit my lip and shook my head. He nodded and gave me a strange look. "Bye, JC." "Bye, Cody." I turned and began walking away. I could feel his eyes burning into my back as he watched me go. I knew he was hurt and was hiding it, but I couldn't tell him. I have Jessy and I can't possibly be..well, you know. I continued to walk home with my head down. I went straight up to my room and began getting dressed to leave for the brunch. As I did so, I began to feel more and more like something was bothering me. I knot was forming in the pit of my stomach. I do like Cody. I sighed. I love Jessy, though. But what if this is something more with Cody? I had to find out. I had to tell him. I slipped into my sandals and ran downstairs. "Mom, I'm taking the car for a few minutes down the street." Before I could get an answer I was in the car and driving down the roads to Cody's house. I parked in front of the house across the street and ran up to the front door. I knocked on it again and again and still no answer. I could hear a radio on, so I circled the house and went to the back door. I knocked on it as hard as I could, but still no one answered. I walked back around the house to see Cody getting into a van. "Cody!" He didn't hear me. I yelled it again and still he didn't hear me. I began jogging and then running as the can pulled into the road. "Wait!" I screamed. I reached the road, but it was too late. The van was already down the street and turning off of it. I jumped in my Mom's car and made a U-turn and peeled off down the road. I turned on the same road the van had turned on, but it was no where in sight. I looked all around, but finally gave up. He was gone. Stay Tuned......