Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 02:04:51 GMT
From: Lucky Redwood <wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com>
Subject: Time Will Tell - Chapter 17

How could Conner have cheated on Danny like that? You ready to find out?
Don't worry, I won't keep you long, just remember to keep on writing to me,
tellin' me what ya think and all! wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com Have
fun. Stay cool and all that jazz. See ya soon.

Time Will Tell
Chapter 17 - All You Need Is Love

"What the fuck just happened Sean? What's wrong with Danny?"

"I, err, I was, oh shit, I don't know Trix."

"I think you do Sean, you were what?"

"I can't say, I can't tell you."

"WHY NOT?"

"What the fuck is going on? Why is everyone shouting?" Conner had emerged
from Sean's room fully dressed now.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out Conner."

"Look, I'm sorry but I can't tell you right now. Can we just try and find
Danny please, he can't have gone far. I need to talk to him before anyone
else."

"I am getting really pissed off with all this Sean." Trix was beginning to
lose his temper with Sean's irritating vagueness.

"Where is he? What do you mean find him? What happened Sean?" Conner's
worry was growing.

"He got upset and ran away."

"Upset? What about? What's happened?"

"Find him, then we can worry about what happened."

"Sean TELL ME"

"Trix, NO. First we find him, I need to talk about it with him first."

"Look we're not getting anywhere with this, Trix. He's not going to tell
us.  Us two will go and look for him, you can start cleaning up here and
wait till he or us two get back. I don't like this though Sean, why can't
you tell me what's upset him?  Where did he go Trix?"

"He came out of Sean's room crying his eyes out, bumped into me, we both
fell to the floor and he got up and ran off outside. I have no idea where
he could have gone though. Sean just tell me what fucking happened!"

"We have to find him now Trix. We'll find that out later. FUCK! Where are
we going to find him? Where could he fucking BE?" Conner had started to
panic.

*****

	Feeling elated was not an accurate enough description for my
present state of mind. Sitting on my little bench alone with dusk
falling. I felt euphoric, so in love with Conner knowing that he was coming
to meet me any minute. I kept checking the path to see if he had rounded
the corner yet. Still no sign.

	I sat back and spread out comfortably on the bench and smiled at
nobody and nothing. Just the goodness of life. For no reason I found my
head turning to one side in perfect time to see Conner walking round the
corner finally. DAMN he looked fine! Gorgeous, right through to the bone. I
stood up as he approached me smiling, I returned his smile and wet my lips
in anticipation of our kiss in this secret meeting spot. He finally made
his way up to me, walking with his sexy little spring all the way. He
stopped in front of me and said nothing, he didn't need to. I reached out
and took his hand, looking down at it's perfect shape.

	As I lifted his hand in my own I felt a sting as my head was jolted
to the side. I quickly let go of Conner's hand and grabbed the now burning
cheek. I looked up shocked to Conner who stared angrily at me.

"You're dumped!" and he turned round and walked back in the direction he
had come walking towards Sean who was waiting and laughing at the end of
the path. I stood cold, alone and shaking.

"NO!" I shouted sitting up. I jumped as I saw an elderly lady bending over
next to me.  My reaction startled her and she looked thankful after the
initial shock on her face subsided.

"Sorry to wake you son. I saw you asleep here earlier this afternoon and
again just now. I wanted to check that you were OK? It's getting dark now
and you've been sleeping here for at least two hours! Aren't you cold?" She
looked concerned. My head finally realigned with reality having had one of
the most upsetting nightmares of my life, and I smiled, assured her I was
OK and thanked her for her concern.  She headed off with a little Yorkshire
Terrier that I had just noticed and I just sat there.

	My stomach felt empty but I was also feeling sick. I had cried
myself to sleep in broad daylight. I had cried so much that I felt sick and
had serious stomach pains.  My body convulsed from the early January bitter
coldness. Only wearing a jumper I was freezing, I couldn't feel my face,
toes or fingers because of the cold.  It was amazing that I had managed to
sleep in such unforgiving temperatures.

I sat and thought about the nightmare that I had just been woken from. It
was truly awful. My heart was broken and I began to cry again as the
realisation that it wasn't so much a nightmare that I had had but more a
reality. I wouldn't have thought that there was any liquid left in me to
cry out anymore after having drank heavily the night before and not having
had anything to drink today so far. I didn't want to move though, I was too
drained. I felt poisoned, my stomach ached from the constant convulsions
that my sobs had caused. I looked to my watch and found that it was nearing
five o'clock, no wonder it was getting so dark. A pang of fear crept into
my mind. I shouldn't be here, it's not safe. You get all the druggies and
alcoholics in the woods at night. It was quite dangerous really.

"Fuck it!" I said out loud to myself. Hell I was the only one to hear
anyway. "It wouldn't bother me if someone slit my throat to take my wallet
anyway."

	I had surprised myself. I was talking to myself and I never did
that. I sat back still shaking violently in the freezing air, so I decided
to lie back down on the bench and roll myself into as close as I could get
to a ball. It didn't make me feel any warmer but I did stop shaking quite
as badly. I thought about my situation for the millionth time that
day. Sean, my brother, loved Conner, my boyfriend.  Conner had been very
drunk last night, so had Sean. This morning they were holding each other
very lovingly on Sean's bed and Conner was only wearing boxers. I tried so
hard to think that they hadn't done anything sexual, thinking of endless
other explanations.  None struck me as being obviously true.

	I had lost. My brother had won, he had stolen my trophy, the most
important thing in my life. The only thing that I cared about. He had
stolen my lover.  My own brother had stolen my lover. I tried to hate Sean
for what he had done, but I was too upset at having lost Conner. I lay
there and made a conscious decision. I was going to stay where I was and
die, I couldn't eat as empty and weak as I felt, I was too upset. I
couldn't move to find a warm place to stay, I was too upset. I couldn't
live, I was too upset. The only reason that I would move would be to find
an easier and quicker method to kill myself, but I couldn't do that because
I was too upset.

*****

"Where the FUCK is he Sean?" Conner's worry was growing to hideous levels.

"I don't know."

"Why did he get upset, did he see us together in bed? Did he think that we
did something together. You're his brother and he KNOWS that I love
him. You're not even gay." Sean looked to his feet as guilt played on his
worries even more.

"He won't have thought that anyway surely, there must be something else
that had upset him Conner. Any ideas Sean?" Luke was trying his best to
calm the situation despite how worried he was himself. Sean was saved from
having to lie by the doorbell ringing. Conner shot to answer it like a bolt
of lightning.

"Has he come back yet?"

"No Scott." Scott walked in and followed Conner back to the lounge.

"Scott, I need to talk to you in private." Sean leapt out of his chair and
ran to the kitchen where Scott soon joined him. Sean closed the door after
him.

"Sean, what's going on?" His concerns grew, only now for Sean who had burst
into tears.

"Scott man, this is seriously fucked up!"

"Sean what is it? What do you know?"

"I, err, I, kind of, I told Danny that I was in love with Conner."

"You're in love with WHO?"

"Then this morning he saw us in bed together hugging and Conner was only
wearing boxers."

"You cheated with your brothers boyfriend?!?"

"NO, never. I couldn't do that to him, but that'll be what he's
thinking. He loves Conner so much, I'm terrified that he's going to do
something stupid!"

"Well since that's a serious concern, we have to ring the police it's
getting late."

"I have done, they want me to ring back tomorrow if he hasn't come back.
There's nothing they can do until then."

"Then ring your aunt. He might have gone there."

"I told her that he might be popping in some time today and that if he does
then she should get him to ring me urgently."

"Jesus Christ Sean! You told him you loved his boyfriend? What possessed
you?  Telling him that is like challenging him."

"I couldn't help it, I don't know why I did it. I wish I wouldn't have but
he would have guessed in the end otherwise."

"Ohh, look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you, this isn't helping
anything.  You know, you should consider telling Conner the truth, he'll be
blaming himself for this mess."

"Oh, fuck no. I can't do that Scott. He'll hate me, I can't take that."

"Did you do anything with Conner last night? I won't say anything to anyone
no matter what the answer."

"No. I couldn't, he wouldn't for a start I know that for a fact. He loves
Danny too much. It was hard for me though last night, I wanted him, needed
him but I kept my hands to myself. I was asleep in bed when he came in. I
woke up in the middle of the night and he was there sleeping next to me and
shivering so I hugged him to keep him warm and I fell asleep like
that. Somehow the quilt worked its way onto the floor in the night and
Danny found us like that this morning."

"OK Sean, we'll go out and look for him again. Come on let's go back
through, we'll organise places to search and stuff with the others."

*****

"Get some sleep? Get some SLEEP? How the FUCK do you think I'm going to get
to sleep. What if he's dead? He needs me, I need him. He could be hurt, he
could have been kidnapped or anything. NO, no I'm not going to calm down!
Oh FUCK!  Where is he? What did I do? What did I say to him?"

"CONNER! Don't you DARE blame yourself for this, do you hear me?" Trace had
tried her best to calm him down but Conner was having none of it.

"Where is he? I can't take this anymore."

	The front door opened and Trix and Luke came back in the
house. They were the last of group who were out searching for Danny to come
back in.

"No news?"

"None. He doesn't want us to find him. He'll be hiding somewhere. What
happened to him? What could have upset him so much?" Trace's concern was
beginning to show as well now.

	The group had been searching for Danny for most of the
day. Conner's fear had grown steadily into terror. He had been crying for
some time now. Nobody except Sean and Scott knew the real reasons for
Danny's departure. Everybody else had given up guessing and were getting
increasingly worried and tired, they had been walking all over Parkway all
day nearly to no avail.

	The group sat around at Danny's house for some time hoping that he
would return before they had to go to their homes. One by one they left the
house.  Conner had fallen asleep on the sofa and was meant to be staying
over that night anyway.  Sean decided it best to leave Conner there for the
night, he placed a blanket over him to keep him warm and retired to his own
bed. Sean, Conner and Danny had all cried themselves to sleep that night.

*****

"What? Conner? Mum?"

"Are you OK son? You did you sleep here last night, didn't you go home? You
must have pneumonia by now!"

"Later! He's gone now. I need to sleep here now."

"Don't move I'll calling an ambulance right away."

	I didn't respond I simply laid my head down again and fell back to
sleep instantly. I had woken up seeing things. I could hardly move or feel
my body and I felt like I should be dead. It had been my intention all
night. It didn't compute that I was going to hospital. It didn't compute
when I was there either. I don't remember the ride in the ambulance. The
last thing that I remembered was looking at the white ceiling and thinking
it was snow for some reason. Then I went to sleep again and woke up late
that same afternoon. I looked around me trying to work out where I was.  It
was familiar territory. Hospital!

	I felt strange, light headed. I sat up and pushed the 'call nurse'
button behind me. Within a minute a nurse was in the room.

"Hello Daniel. How are you feeling?"

"It's Danny. Uh fine. I guess. A little woozy."

"I'm not surprised, you were massively dehydrated when you came in and you
hadn't eaten for a couple of days at least so you're still quite weak but
the drip has been helping you. You'll be ready to go later today hopefully,
that's Dr. Lewis' decision in the end though. He says that he remembers
you, he'll be here in a minute or so. I've already sent him a message
saying that you're up."

"OK."

"Do you mind if I ask why you were living on a park bench in only a thin
jumper in the middle of winter?" Her question brought memories of hideous
grief flooding back into my head. It took every ounce of will power in me
to hold back the tears that were beginning to sting my eyes.

"Oh!" I sighed out loud, "I had an argument with my brother and couldn't
face going home and I fell asleep there." My voice had become husky as I
replied because of the crying that was begging to happen. I cleared my
throat and looked down to my feet avoiding eye contact.

"It's OK if you don't want to tell me."

"I just did." I said confused still struggling with my emotional state.

"You haven't told me everything, you haven't drunk or eaten anything for at
least two days so you were at that bench or somewhere else for some
time. I'm sorry, it's none of my business but if you want to talk to
someone, ask for Sarah."

"Thank you." As she was leaving Dr. Lewis arrived. I had hoped to have a
good cry once she left, I was finding it difficult to prevent it now and I
was in for another long chat I thought.

"Well, well, well! We really must meeting like this Danny." I sniffed a
laugh at him.  "Why did you run away from home Danny? You have no idea how
upset your brother was to hear that you were in hospital again. He's on his
way, said he was catching a bus, that was fifteen minutes ago though, so he
shouldn't be long." I did my best to hide the torment that even the mention
of my brother caused me. "He asked me to tell you that he loves you if you
woke up before he get here." I made no reaction for some time, he was
waiting for me to say something. The silence continued. He was determined
for me to respond.

"Dr. Lewis will I be able to go home with my brother today?"

"Yes, I can't see why not. You'll have to eat a big dinner and drink as
much plain water as you can without keeping yourself awake peeing all
night!"

"I'm sorry, do you think I could have a couple of minutes to myself?"

"Certainly. First I think I'll take this drip out though, it's finished
now.  OK look away."

"OW." I hated needles, especially when they were pushed into or pulled out
of my skin! Even by a trained doctor.

"There you go. OK, I'll be back when your brother arrives." Dr. Lewis left
the room and I took a look around me to see what I could find. I continued
to hold back my tears as I prepared myself for the inevitable.

*****

"Dr. Lewis, hi. I'm here for Danny."

"Ah yes, OK. Come with me, hello again Conner."

"Hi." He was taken aback by the fact that he had remembered his name after
almost three months, he must see a lot of patients and their families. He
was too upset to keep on thinking anything of it though and he just
followed quickly in tow as the doctor lead him to his ill Danny.

"He's in here boys. I'll leave you with him for a short while I get his
discharge papers."

"Thank you. Conner, can I see him alone first, just for a minute?"

"No, I have to see him now Sean. I have to see that he's OK."

"Conner please, this is really important or I wouldn't ask."

"No." With that Conner slipped past Sean and opened the door walking into
the room.

"Danny? Hello?"

"Where is he?"

"He's not in the toilet, let's check the patient lounge." The pair walked
out of the room, Conner clearly annoyed with Sean's strange behaviour of
late and Sean visibly shaking from his fear of his reunion with his brother
and the way that Conner had began to treat him. They searched the ward to
no avail. Finding Dr. Lewis they asked where he might be.

"Let's check his room again boys." Conner was walking with the strangest
look on his face, a cross between anger and terror. "His clothes are gone!
I don't believe this! I'm going to phone security and try to get them to
stop him going out of the building."  With that the doctor ran out of the
room, Conner and Sean stood in absolute silence.  After about ten minutes
the doctor came back into the room.

"I think he's long gone boys. I've phoned the police, they're keeping an
eye out for him again. His body is week. He has to be found and taken
somewhere warm or he'll be susceptible to a lot more serious problems, his
immune system is low right now and he has to be taken to a warm bed."

"Thank you doctor." Sean didn't sound at all surprised. Conner stormed his
way out without saying a word, the tears in his eyes wouldn't have allowed
him to anyway.  Not without crying. Sean followed quickly.

"He won't have gone far Conner. We can find him now. Conner? You want to
find him don't you?"

"OF COURSE I WANT TO FUCKING FIND HIM! Just fuck off Sean! I want to know
why he's so upset and what I've done to hurt him so much. You KNOW, you
fucking KNOW and won't TELL me! So just fuck off and leave me alone, you
don't really want to help me." Conner continued walking out of the
building, leaving Sean with a look of shock and pain on his face. Sean
continued down the road in hope of finding Danny, a difficult feat since he
couldn't see more than two meters in front of him from being blinded by
tears.

"Conner!" Sean had ran in front of him and stopped him from moving. "I'll
tell you why. I'll tell you why he's upset."

"Now! You'll tell me now." Conner didn't feel any sympathy for Sean who was
crying himself now, he was just as cruel in his treatment of him.

"He's upset because he'll have reason to think that we had been doing stuff
together the other night. I told him that, I told him, I told him that I
love you Conner. Because I do, that's why I couldn't tell you. I didn't
want to confuse you by telling you and I could see just how happy you are
with Danny. I'm sorry Conner, I should have told you, I'm really
sorry. Please forgive me."

"You love me?"

"With all my heart, I know how it sounds, but I just can't help it. I'm
sorry."

"You love me?" Silence other than passers-by, cars and Sean's tears. "You
love me.  And so he thinks that we had had sex or something by the way he
found us. He thinks I've cheated on him? With his own brother, this must be
killing him. I could never cheat on Danny, he should know that by now. I
love him too much. I'm sorry Sean but you're going to have to deal with
your own emotions I'm afraid, I have to find Danny." Conner once again left
Sean standing where he was.

"Conner! Wait, I want to help you."

"No, you can't. Imagine what he would think if he saw us walking around
together, he'd think we were TOGETHER and that we were rubbing his nose in
it or something. Go home. Or look for him on your own."

"Conner I'm sorry. Don't hate me please."

"Yeah! 'Sorry', so you said. That hasn't helped in bringing Danny home
safely YET has it?"

*****

I rounded the corner on to the estate. I approached the door that I had
visited only once before. I wiped away the tears that I had managed to
subdue once again, I wiped my nose on my sleeve once again since it was
dripping from the evilly cold evening. I knocked wimpishly feeling cold,
feeble, hungry and thirsty. Not to mention destitute, crestfallen, suicidal
and so on. The exact person that I wanted to speak to opened the door. She
looked shocked to see me, almost nervous.

"Hi. I'm really sorry to drop in you like this at this time of night. I
hope I won't have woken anybody."

"No, it's no that late really. Hi anyway, come in."

"OK, not for long though. I just need to ask you a favour. I'm really sorry
to be this rude Hannah, but I was hoping that you might have a jacket I
could borrow for tonight, it's just I was meant to be getting a taxi home
but I've lost my wallet and my friend whose house I was at just now has
locked up and gone to bed. I was passing and saw the lights on, I thought I
might ask at least."

"Urrrmmm, yeah. Danny, just wait here a minute I'll go and get one for
you."  She ran up her stairs to her room. She had looked worried to see
me. Almost scared.  It confused me a bit. I heard her calling from upstairs
a minute or so later.

"Danny, come up here for a minute will you? I'll be with you in a second."
I didn't refuse and made my way up the stairs. I saw a door open at the end
of the hall and assumed that it was her bedroom since it was the only room
that had light pouring through the door. I made my way in and was surprised
to say the least. The door was closed suddenly behind me by somebody I
hadn't realised was in the room. I spun round shocked by the sound of the
door closing and the key turning in the lock.

"Where the fuck have you been?" A question asked surprisingly casually.

"Shit!" I muttered to myself as my head dropped to look at my feet, stunned
by who was in the house and that I'd been caught, found at least. "Why are
you here Trix?"

"I wanted to ask Hannah if she'd heard from you. Do you know how much
trouble you've caused? Do you know how much Conner has been crying? How
he's been screaming at Sean to tell him what happened to you? Everybody
else screaming at Sean too, trying to find out what the fuck was wrong with
you. Then the hospital rings Danny. You're missing for two fucking days and
the hospital rings. Then Conner rings crying his eyes out saying you've run
away from the fucking hospital too. He starts blurting stuff down the
phone, 'I found out why he's so upset, he must hate me.  You have to help
me find him Trix' that's what he said, crying his eyes out all the
time. Then Sean rings crying HIS eyes out, shouting down the phone 'I hate
myself, I'm going to end it all now'. He wanted to kill himself Danny, it
took me half an hour on the phone to calm him down enough to persuade him
to come home. He still hasn't told me what's wrong with you. The police are
looking for you, you're lucky that your mum or your aunt haven't found out,
then you would be in seriously deep shit.  Now you come here asking to
borrow a jacket, lying to your friend about why.  Where were you going to
go this time huh? Where were you last night? Where did you sleep, a fucking
park bench wasn't it? What the hell is going on Danny? Answer me.  I
deserve that at least don't I?"

"Conner said what on the phone?" My head was spinning. A mixture of
whirling thoughts, and my having run away from the hospital when I was
still too weak.

"He said that you must hate him."

"No something about finding out."

"He said that he had finally found out why you were so upset and that you
must hate him. You've crushed him Danny, he loves you and you ran away from
him, twice now. He thinks you hate him, do you? He loves you so much, you
should have at least the backbone to tell him if you don't want to see him
anymore which I doubt."

"NO, no. I love him that's why I had been so upset. Oh shit what have I
done? Oh no.  They didn't do anything. He didn't know about Sean." I
suddenly felt so angry with myself. Conner couldn't have done anything with
Sean, he didn't know why I was upset. He would have realised if he'd have
done anything with Sean.

"Danny tell me what's going on."

"Oh, Trix I can't. I'm sorry, it's not my place to."

"Oh no, no, no, no, no. Don't you start on that as well. I want to know
what the fuck is going on, why everybody has gone fucking insane all of a
sudden and are all hiding something from me."

"All I can tell you is that I made the biggest fucking wrong assumption in
the history of wrong assumptions. It's not my place to tell you what it was
though. I'm sorry that you've gone through all this because of my stupid,
stupid mistake Trix, I really am but I can't tell you why it happened. I'm
sorry."

"I give up, if it's this shitty a secret then I don't fucking want to know.
Danny you're coming with me back to yours NOW. Hannah, thank you for
letting us use your room to help Danny realise something and to confuse me
even more."

"I'm sorry that I nearly dragged you into this Hannah."

"Don't worry about it. Go home and get some rest Danny, it sounds as if you
need it."

*****

"Oh shit Tristan! What do I say to them?" I panicked we were outside my
front door and I didn't know what to say to my brother. I wasn't sure if
Conner was there or not by now. I knew that I had to worry about what to
say to my brother though, and now.

"I have no idea, I don't know what the problem is remember? Hint hint!" He
grinned, he didn't realise how serious I saw my problem as being. "Sorry,
not a good time for jokes then?"

"Not really! Oh damn here goes."

"Before you go in, don't call me Tristan, I have an image to keep up you
know?" He smiled again.

"We already discussed the joke situation Trix." I smiled at him. He seemed
to like that, he liked people to acknowledge his jokes. Even though I
didn't feel like smiling, I managed it though. He was being great about the
whole situation, taking charge as usual. It was good that somebody had
done.

"Come on man, let's get you sorted with Sean."

	I went into the house, Kate was sitting in the lounge. She turned
her head round when she heard the door open to see who it was. She looked
really worried, making me feel even more guilty than before. She got up and
ran towards me flying into my arms and hugging me tightly.

"Danny, what happened to you?" She was in tears. "Do you have any idea how
worried we've all been about you?" I rested my face against her neck,
crying myself through guilt and upset that I had caused so much worry.

"I'm sorry Kate, I'm really sorry." I lifted my head so as to take a breath
and saw Sean standing on the step from the lounge to the hallway. He looked
scared and his eyes were watering. The sight made me shrivel up inside, I
felt so small and worthless to know that I had made such an awful mistake
in my judgement of him.

	I stepped back from Kate's hug not taking my eyes off Sean, he was
looking at me, breathing hard and tears rolling down his face, not sobbing
just tears.  I walked towards him, with my first step he took one
backwards, not sure of what my reaction would be. He didn't know that his
name had been cleared.

"I'm so, so sorry Sean." With that he ran to me and hugged me tightly,
crying fully now. "I am so sorry, I know I made a wrong assumption and it
was so wrong of me to doubt you. I really am sorry, I should have trusted
you. I know that now.  Please say something Sean?"

"I missed you Danny. I'm sorry I put you in this position."

"No, you shouldn't be. It was my mistake, I jumped to conclusions I should
have trusted you. I should have known that you would never do anything like
that to me.  I'm so sorry."

"We've been so worried."

"I know and it makes me feel like shit knowing that my mistake has caused
everyone all this trouble. Please forgive me, I'm sorry Sean."

"You don't need to apologise for anything, I would have jumped to the same
conclusions if I was in your situation. I'm sorry that it happened."

	We stayed hugging like that for a while. We managed to quell our
tears and pulled apart from each other. I looked at my brother and was so
relieved that he hadn't blamed me for my reactions. I was so lucky that he
hadn't blamed me.  I couldn't believe it.

"We've had our fair share of this making up with each other recently
haven't we?" I joked. He took it well laughed a little whilst wiping the
last of his tears away.

"Tell me about it."

"Danny? I think you should phone Conner. Let him know you're here."

	Kate didn't need to say it again. I went straight to the phone and
dialled his mobile number from memory, the others left me on my own while I
made the call.  The phone rang twice only and then I heard Conner's
voice. It hit me then just how much I had missed hearing that, two days and
a lot of self convincing that I would never hear it again made an impact
suddenly, I automatically breathed out a sigh of relief from hearing it.

"Hello?" He sounded worried, it was to be expected mind.

"Conner, it's me."

"Danny? Oh thank God! Where are you?"

"I'm at home."

"I'm on my way." With that he hung up. I was a little surprised to be
honest, I thought that he would have said more than he did but he was on
his way round and that was all that mattered to me right now. I was going
to see the guy I love again after a two day deprivation of him. From the
way it had felt, it may as well have been two years though. I hadn't seen
him, touched him, smelt him or heard his voice and it felt that I was
itching, almost burning inside to have him near me again. I went back into
the lounge wearing a smile for what seemed like the first genuine one in
months.

"Danny what happened? What upset you so much?" Kate asked me with her
worried expression still strong. I looked to Sean who looked worried.

"Is it important that you know? I don't mean to sound callous or ungrateful
but I just, I think it better that nobody knows who doesn't have to, it's
one of those things. It's really private, you know?"

"What's important is that you're safe, I don't have to know. I won't ask
again, I'm sorry. Next time, though, don't just run away from everything,
you should talk to us, we're your friends and I'd like to think that we can
talk about anything together, you know?"

"I know and I'm sorry Kate. It really is all sorted now."

	Before anything else could be said the doorbell rang, I went to the
door and opened it to almost everyone else. Trace, Scott, Robbie, Claire
and Luke.  Only Conner wasn't there. They all looked stunned to see me. I
looked back at them.

"What's wrong with you lot? You look like you've seen a ghost or
something."  I smiled at them all.

"Where the fuck have you been you little prick!" Uh oh! Luke wasn't that
amused at my joke.

"I'm sorry guys, really I am. I never meant to cause this much upset and
trouble. I needed to get away, that's all. I've had some pretty big things
to think about, I'm sorry that you all got dragged into it though, really I
am."

"What the hell happened to you Danny?" Trace had a little more concern in
her voice than Luke had done.

"I'm sorry, about all this I really am, and I know how concerned and
curious you must be, but I really can't tell you what happened. It's been
sorted but it's too personal to tell even you guys, I'm sorry." Nobody
seemed particularly happy with my answer but they could see that they
weren't going to get any information out of me, not yet at least. They all
came in and sat down.

	We all struck up a conversation and sat around in the lounge
talking for some time. We were having a laugh, it felt good to be back with
everyone, I felt at home again. I did keep on checking my watch to see what
time it was, wondering how long Conner would be. Trix was in the middle of
a joke, everyone was looking at him and listening intently as his joke
became more and more complicated, we were waiting for the punch line for a
while. The finale was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening
and being slammed shut. Conner appeared in the entrance to the lounge and
looked round the room. His eyes finally came to rest on me and I gazed
dreamily back at him instantly doped up merely by the sight of my
boyfriend.

"Come here!" It was then that I realised his look had been one of
anger. His chest heaving as though he had run around the block a few
times. He turned and made his way into the kitchen. I took a panicked look
around at everyone else in the room, they were all either looking at the
ground or at me with worried eyes. I slowly raised myself up and walked to
the kitchen, afraid of what his reaction had been.

"Why didn't you trust me?" Ow! He looked angry and upset, his eyes were red
and puffy, he'd been crying. His face was pale as well, probably from the
cold air outside.

"Oh, Conner. It isn't that I didn't trust you-" He interrupted me.

"You thought that I shagged your brother, I think that counts as not
trusting me. Why did you doubt me huh? Why do you think I would do that?
You think I'm a slag or something?"

"Conner, no!" I was getting upset and desperate now. "I never thought
that."

"You must have done, we were going out weren't we? We were boyfriends
weren't we? And you think that I slept with your brother which would make
me an unfaithful slag."

"No, it wasn't like that."

"Then WHAT WAS IT LIKE Danny?"

"I, I, I thought, it just seemed like, it seemed."

"Seemed like what?"

"I couldn't bare the thought of losing you Conner, I couldn't. Sean told me
he loved you and then I saw you with him practically naked on his bed and I
jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"So you DIDN'T trust me?"

"No, I mean YES, I mean I do now."

"But you didn't trust me then!"

"I did, I just didn't trust myself."

"What? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I looked to the floor, I
had never seen Conner angry before. Ever. It was an awful experience and I
hated being on the receiving end.

"It sounds pathetic I know. I just can't understand what you see in me. I
can feel that you love me, it's just I can't help but think that you might
want somebody, anybody better than me. God knows that you deserve them." I
was crying now, I hated Conner being angry with me, it was a new
experience.

"Danny, I love you. I don't want anyone else. If Leonardo DiCaprio knocked
on my door, one night and asked me if I wanted a shag, I'd kick him flying!
It's you I want. I only want you Danny, nobody else. You should know
that. And what is with this self- worthless thing too? You're gorgeous
Danny, you're perfect in every way. I wouldn't change you for anyone or
anything. I love you so much and I wish that you didn't doubt my love for
you."

"I don't doubt it. I just couldn't help but think what I did, it looked so
awful. I couldn't bear seeing you so contented, comfy and happy to be
cuddled up with someone other than me. It was a mistake, I know that
now. I'm so sorry Conner. I'm so sorry that I doubted you, it was wrong of
me and I hated every minute of it."

"I never want you to doubt me again Danny. Please! You mean so much to me
that it hurts me when I think you don't realise just how much I do." He had
his arms around me now, his anger had diminished quickly when I had started
crying. He was beginning to cry himself a bit. I felt so complete standing
there in his arms, I knew he loved me, I always had done but now it shone
through. His love warmed my body, it warmed my very soul and I loved him so
much too, and he knew it. I could tell, I didn't need to open my mouth to
tell him, he could just feel it.

"Conner, I'm sorry. You have to believe me when I say that I DO trust
you. I need you so much, I've been in hell these last two days. I wanted to
die out there, if that old lady hadn't have rung an ambulance for me then I
would have died. I can't live without you. The thought that I couldn't,
made me feel so worthless, I couldn't face life without you next to me,
with me. I need you so bad, you're like an extra body organ, if you're
taken away from me I'll just die."

"Danny, you shouldn't feel that you might lose me, I felt exactly the same
about you.  I was terrified over these two days just as much as you were. I
lived in fear that every time the phone rang it was going to be someone
saying that you'd been found dead. I was crushed when Sean told me that you
were in hospital. I love you Danny, don't do this ever again OK?"

"Never. I can't deal with not thinking you love me back. It's so strange,
before we started going out I wasn't bothered about you returning your
love, but now that I've had, now I've had a taste I can't ever let go of
it." Conner didn't say anything more, we just stood there in the kitchen
holding each other. He gently kissed my forehead and we stood in silence,
just being together. Loving each other and comforting each other having
finally managed to sort out the whole ordeal as best we could expect to.
We stood revelling in our deep love and affection.


All friends again. Everything seems to be in order. Here's your orange
sherbet (if you don't get it, don't ask). Sean's still alone, Scott and
Robbie seem to be getting on well enough. Nobody's at war with anybody else
in the group. Things change! Will they for the gang? Who knows. Time will
tell. wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com