This story is a work of FICTION. The events described have only occurred in my mind. Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly coincidental.


This is my first attempt at producing a story like this and any advice or comments you have would be most welcome. Send them to Rob at

© 2011 Robert Kelly, all rights reserved

Troubled Minds

Chapter Nine

"A Dirty Little Secret"

Chris stared at his friend for what seemed like an eternity. Maybe he was ignorant, maybe he was naïve, or maybe he was just plain stupid, but Chris had not seen this coming. Nathan, his closest, best friend in the world ever, had just kissed him. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do, he didn't even know how that made him feel, it was just pure shock, especially after everything that had happened previously in the day and the way he had treated him.

In reality the pause had lasted ten seconds tops, but to Chris and Nathan it could have been all day, they couldn't quite tell. Nathan took this eerie atmosphere as a sure sign that this wasn't going to go well.

Nathan spun around and bolted up the stairs in embarrassment with a whole mixture of emotions ranging from fear to love coursing through him with every stride. He had just reached the door when Chris shouted.

"Wait! Don't go!"

Nathan froze on the spot, unsure whether to listen or to keep running. In his mind the keep-running idea sounded the most appealing, to keep running forever and ever and get as far away from Blackpool, as far away from Chris as his legs could carry him, but still he stood where he was. Part of him wanted to be shouted at; part of him wanted Chris to hate him, to get it over with. In that moment he felt so stupid. How could he let himself fall in love with his best friend?

"Where did that come from?" Chris asked.

Still with his back to Chris, Nathan replied, "I don't know, it was stupid, I'm sorry."

"More lies!" Nathan thought to himself. Of course he knew where it came from. He was in love with him, wanted him more than anything else in the world and inside he knew that when he kissed Chris, he felt more excited than he had ever felt in his life. Why was he lying?

"Just be fucking honest." he thought. He turned to face Chris.

"That's not true, I‘m lying." He took a deep breath and continued, "I kissed you because I'm... I'm... Oh for fuck sake!.. I'm in love with you. Happy now? I‘ve said it, I‘ve fucking said it, so now you can start hating me"

"Hating you? Don't be bloody stupid, I could never hate you."

Completely ignoring his friend's comment Nathan started working himself up into a panicked frenzy, spurting out words without thinking.

"Then what happens now then? Do we fall out? Do we stop being friends, cause if that's what you want? Then I'll go, I'd understand if you..."

"I don't want to fall out with you." Chris cut in.

"Then what do you want?"

"I don't know. This can't happen, we can't happen, you know that don't you? I'm with David, I love him, I couldn't."

"What if you weren't with David?"

"Are you asking me to split up with him?" Chris asked appalled.

"No, no, I didn‘t mean it like that, I just mean, what would happen if you weren't with David?"

"But I am with David! This is crazy, why now? How long have you felt like this?"

"You really want to know?"


"A while I guess. Well longer than a while, oh I don't know, I can't be sure, it feels like forever."

"So why now? Why wait till I'm with someone?"

"Well you giving me the third degree about honesty was a part of it, then there's the fact I didn't know you were that way inclined until you got with David, and if I'm being truthful, I was terrified. I kept lying to myself hoping, praying that my feelings might go away, but they didn't and it got to much to keep in anymore. It was killing me, and then we met Ant today, and he started getting suspicious, so I told the truth.

"Fucking hell I can't stop telling the truth and it seems to be getting me into more trouble than anything else. Look, I don't expect us to get together, and my intentions aren't to split you and David up, I just needed to get it off my chest, and let you know how I feel."

Chris simply stared at Nathan a few moments, struggling to absorb what he'd heard. Finally, "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For being honest with me. I still want to be your friend, Nathan. This doesn‘t matter to me, it shouldn‘t change anything, so long as you know that as long as I‘m with David, nothing can ever happen between us. I would never cheat on him."

"I know that, but will you at least answer my question, I need to know. If you were single would I have a chance?"

"I don't see the point in answering, but yes, you probably would. You're a nice guy, you're good looking, you're already my best friend, so yes, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted."

"Thanks," Nathan sighed with a smile. "I needed the ego boost. Friends?" Nathan put out his hand for a hand shake. Instead Chris pulled him into a tight hug.

"I think we've been past the handshake level for a while," Chris said as he held his friend close.

"No more secrets," Nathan stated once they had pulled apart.

"I agree." Chris nodded.


Steven finished ejaculating inside David's mouth and stepped back from him.

"Swallow it, every last drop, you piece of shit!

David was now lying in a heap on the floor trying not to be physically sick. He did what he was told through fear, but gradually the thought of Steven's knife ending his life right there and then was becoming more appealing by the second

"See, that wasn't so bad was it? I bet you fucking loved it, didn't you?"

Steven surveyed this devastating, defeated heap lying on the floor and a part of him relished in it. He enjoyed seeing David like this, enjoyed the control, the domination, making him hurt, and in Steven's perverted homophobic mind he thought David deserved it, that he was doing the world a favour.

He stepped closer to David again, and took his now flaccid dick in his hand pointing it at David on the floor. He started pissing on him over his back and head. David started to silently cry, but did nothing. He lay there and let himself be abused. There was nothing he could do, but wait till it was over.

Steven shook the last few drips off the end of his cock before replacing it in his boxers. He zipped and buttoned up his jeans.

"Get up! Get fucking up now! I want you to look at me when I say this."

David slowly and shakily got to his feet. Steven's piss was still visibly trickling down from David's hair on to his neck and shoulder then running down his chest and back.

"Listen close, faggot, I'll be coming back for more when I'm ready, and if you can behave yourself like you have today, then you won't get hurt. Remember this, though, if you tell anyone what has happened here or what I've done, I will fucking kill you, and not just you. I'll kill your friends, too, got it? I asked you a fucking question, do you understand?"

"YES! Yes I understand," sobbed David in response.

"Good, now go and get fucking cleaned up, faggot, you're fucking disgusting."

Stephen vacated the room leaving David alone where he then crumbled back to the floor in tears. He stayed there and cried for a while, until he found the strength from somewhere to get back on his feet.

He took a fresh towel from a pile by his bed and left for the bathroom without wrapping it round himself. He staggered most of the way, his legs chafing from where the piss had trickled down his legs. As he got nearer to the bathroom the feeling of nausea took over and he had to run to make it to the toilet bowl.


David sat under the shower still in his boxers, completely alone, metaphorically and physically. Moments ago he had been violently ill in the toilet opposite. He hoped the water would not only wash away the smell of stale urine, but the problems that came with it. All the good in his life seemed to have vanished again and he felt like he had regressed into the sad pathetic scared little boy his father had made him into, instead of the happy, proud young man Chris had.

What if Chris finds out? He would hate me for doing what I've done. He would confront Steven, oh my god he would get hurt. Not Chris, no I can't let him hurt Chris, I can't let him hurt Chris, I can't let him hurt Chris.

David was slowly but surely losing his mind as his life past, present and future flashed before him, image after image, his father, his mother, Steven, Chris. A flurry of words and images from his past were haunting him, taunting him, torturing him into insanity.

I'll show you what it's like to be a piece of filthy, Faggot, scum! You're fucking disgusting! I'll fucking stab you. If you want to be a faggot then it's time you started acting like one. GET DOWN ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES!

"ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!" With his right hand, David started punching the tiled wall beside him repeatedly, again and again, each time harder than the last. Layers of skin were stripped off his knuckles as he continued punching. The pain felt like a release, it let the anger and the hate out of him, he continued punching. Overcome with emotion he sobbed as he punched. His knuckles were now bleeding and seeing the blood-tinged pink water trickling down the white tiled wall brought him back to his senses and to the cruel heartless reality in which he now felt he belonged.

He hated himself just as much as Steven, just as much as his father, he wanted to die, to end it. But to leave Chris behind would be the greatest sin of all. He stopped punching.

His hand ached from the punishment he had put it through, but the pain felt good, he felt he deserved it. After all it seems wherever he went there was always someone there who believed he should be punished for what he is, for who he loves.

He spent a few more minutes in recovery, and then stood up, still letting the warm water rain down upon him. He removed his sodden underwear throwing them to the shower floor. He then washed himself, got out the shower, tied a towel around his waist, grimacing at the pain this caused to his damaged hand, grabbed his boxers and went back to his room.

He would live, and he would do what Steven said. He would tell no one, and when Chris inevitably saw through his disguise of feinted happiness, he would lie and tell him he was fine. He would do all this, because he was in love, and that was the only thing left in David's life keeping him alive, giving him purpose. He would stay alive for Chris, But how long can a person keep a secret like that buried? How long does it take for the body and mind to give in to such torture? David was already unstable, one more push could send him over the edge.


Nathan and Chris walked back up the front steps of St Paul's, with their friendship rekindled, their slates wiped clean and a new found sense of freedom. There were no more secrets between them and they were as close as two friends could be, whilst still remaining just friends.

Chris was in a happy relationship with David, and had the support he needed from Nathan to get through the troubled life of a gay teenager. Nathan, too, was feeling at ease. So what if he wasn't with Chris the way he might prefer? He knew that wasn't going to happen anyway, but what he did have was a clear conscience and a reliable trustworthy friend. Plus if he played his cards right, and his right hook hadn't dented Ant's pride too much, then there could be an opportunity to have some more fun there, and gain a little more experience. All in all, life was looking better. How were Chris and Nathan meant to know that David was upstairs going through one of the most traumatic experiences of life?

The boys entered the grand building and came to a halt in the hall. "I'm going upstairs to see what Dave's up to, and to tell him we've made up," said Chris with genuine happiness.

"OK, mate, I'll see you at dinner then in a bit."


They went their separate ways, Chris going right toward the stairs and Nathan turning left to sit in the lounge and wait for dinner. Chris passed Steven on his way up and the both acknowledged each other with a nod. Nothing was said between them.

Chris eventually reached his and David's room. When he opened the door, he was greeted by the scent of freshly sprayed deodorant, which unbeknown to Chris, had been used to mask the smell of urine that still lingered in the air.

David, who had been sitting on the edge of Chris's bed, (the furthest from the door) sprang up sharply, terrified that his attacker had returned. Noticing it was Chris, he practically knocked him off his feet, as he greeted him with the tightest, hugest hug ever.

"Whoa, what's got into you?" asked Chris taken aback.

"I'm just happy to see you."

"But it's only been like an hour since we spoke outside."

"Well it felt like forever to me." He continued hugging Chris even tighter than before. "You know I love you?" asked David.

"Of course I do, and I love you too, but I don't know how long I'll be able to keep loving you if you insist on cutting off my circulation like this."

David released Chris and sat back down on the bed. He kept his right hand by his side, out of view of Chris.

"Seriously though, what's up, you're acting a bit weird?" asked Chris suspiciously.

"Nothing's up, just got a headache that's all. How did you and Nathan get on?" asked David eager to change the subject.

"Good," Chris said with a smile. "We sorted it all out."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it."

"You coming down to dinner?"

The colour drained out of David's face as the thought of eating brought on the nauseous feelings from before.

"I think I'll give it a miss tonight, I'm not feeling to good. Think I might get an early night."

"Then I'll skip tea too and I'll sit up here with you. An early night sounds nice," said Chris with a cheeky grin.

"Nah, don't be stupid, what's the point in that? One you will go hungry, two I'm going to be sleeping so it wouldn't be much fun for you."

"I suppose," sighed Chris disheartened. Looking closer, his horny feelings for David changed to concern as he noticed his awful complexion.

"You sure you don't want me to stay up here with you? You don‘t look too good, maybe it would be best to have someone watch over you."

"You're sweet, it's OK, though, I‘ll be fine. If I'm being honest, when I feel sick I prefer to be on my own in bed."

Chris eyed him up unsure. Something wasn't right to him, but he couldn't quite work out what.

"OK, if you're sure." Chris walked over to David, bent down and kissed him. "I love you so much. You better get well soon."

"I love you too, and I will, I just need a sleep and I'll be fine. It's all the excitement today that's done it."

Chris got up and made his way to leave, but before he shut the door, he turned round and being very suggestive, with his most comedic sexy face said.

"I'll see you later, and if your still not better, I'll have to find some way to nurse you back to health."

"God, how cheesy. Goodbye doctor."

Chris laughed as he shut the door behind him.

Once alone, David's face immediately fell into a miserable expression. He had done it, but it wasn't easy. It was probably the hardest lie he had ever had to tell in his life. He wasn't alright at all, he was a wreck. He really was tired, though. Already dry now, he let his towel fall to the floor and slipped into bed.

However, David chose Chris's bed instead of his own. He wanted to be able to smell Chris as he drifted off. Chris was the only thing that made him feel the least bit safe at the moment,although he preferred the pleasant lingering odour over the actual person. He didn't know if he could lie next to Chris again after what he had done with Steven. He may have been forced to do what he had done but, somehow, to David it still felt as if he had cheated on Chris.

He lay there, breathing in the familiar scent of his boyfriend and felt so guilty for being so weak. How could he ever touch Chris again knowing what he had done with Steven? He felt worthless.

It was getting dimmer outside as the sun began to set and in an hour or two it would be completely dark. He closed his eyes to the orange glow and tried to think of nothing. He was unsuccessful. Of course he thought of Chris and Steven, but the person foremost in his mind was his mother.

At this moment in time David felt he had no one to turn to. He had Chris, but he couldn't tell him what happened, and he wasn't close enough with anyone else in the home. The person he wanted, the person he needed was the one person that he would never be able to see again. One last hug, one last kiss from his mother, could make this all go away. There is nothing like the love between mother and child, and David new that better than anyone. Did this boy know anything but pain?


Tea time was weird for Chris. He knew something was wrong with David, but he couldn't work out what. He thought that maybe it was Ant getting with Nathan that had done it, but then David didn't seem to be jealous. Another strange thing was that Trish had asked in a very formal manner if she could speak to Chris after the meal privately. Now that was definitely weird.

Chris hadn't spoken to her for a while and realised just how much things had changed since David had arrived on the scene. Before David had come to live at St Paul's, Chris regularly had chats with Trish. They weren't formal or serious, they were just nice little friendly conversations. They were very close and Trish had helped Chris deal with a lot of problems and settle in here. He loved her, and felt she was the closest thing to family he had. Suddenly he felt a sudden twinge of guilt for neglecting her so much.

As he followed Trish to her office after dinner, he felt like a little schoolboy sent to the head master's office for doing something wrong in class.

"Take a seat," said Trish, indicating one of the two vacant chairs as she continued round her desk and took her own seat.

She was a friendly looking woman, middle aged, a little on the plump side and had a cheery, smiley face that made you want to smile with her.

Chris did what he was told, looking a little lost, which was strange considering how many times he had sat in this office before.

"What's wrong with you Chris? Anyone would think you were scared of me," said Trish, eyeing him with amusement.

"Nothing." was his reply.

"I've got something I need to talk to you about, and I think you probably know what?"

Shit, thought Chris. It finally dawned on him what this must be about. She knew about him and David. She new they were together, and like Nathan said, they were going to be separated.

"I don't have a clue what you mean," Chris offered, as convincingly as he could. Unfortunately, lying wasn't his strong point.

"Come on Chris. I'm not stupid. You haven't come to see me in a month. Now either I have upset you, which I'm sure I haven't, or something else has you preoccupied."

Chris said nothing.

"Look Chris, I care about you a lot, and I have grown attached to you since you've came here, and you must know by now, that it's pretty hard to hide things from me in this place. I see how you and David are together."

There, she said it. She knows exactly what's going on, and everything is ruined. She'll send one of us away, and we'll never see each other ever again. Chris felt devastated, and didn't know what to do. "Please Trish, you can't split us up, I love him, I don't want him to go, I can't be without him, I would find him, I would run away and I'd find him," splurged out Chris at a frantic pace.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about you two being split up? Neither of you are leaving. You should know by now,Chris, in this job you have to be very understanding. I'm not against homosexuality in any way, shape or form, and after the improvement David has made since he has met you, I would consider it stupid to separate the two of you. You are both of the age of consent and have the right to have relations with whoever you deem worthy.

"However, don't think I'm giving you permission to have sex in here. You know the rules, and If you two are stupid enough to let me catch you, then in my professional capacity, I would be obligated to take action. So if anyone asks, I didn't tell you two to use protection, OK?"

Chris let out a nervous laugh at the last comment, more out of surprise than anything else. He was utterly flabbergasted at what Trish had just said to him and was also very embarrassed, which was evident due to his very red face. "How did you know?" he asked sheepishly.

"It took me a while if I'm being honest, I mean I was a little surprised to find that you were that way inclined, You just never had any of the signs". But if someone watches you two close enough, they can see there is something in the way you look at each other. I already knew about David of course, and like I said, you've barely spoke to me since David has arrived, so it wasn‘t rocket science really."

"Sorry, It's just been so crazy. I didn't even have a clue I was gay till he showed up. It's been very confusing."

"Well you know my door is always open, if you need to talk. That's what I'm here for. You shouldn‘t have kept that bottled up, it‘s not healthy."

"Actually, Nathan knows now. It's sort of complicated. But he's been great, I would have been a bit lost without him."

"Well that's good to hear. What about David, is he alright? I noticed that he wasn't a tea."

Chris frowned. "He's not feeling very well, he's in bed, I'm not sure what's going on, he seems weird tonight."

"How do you mean?"

"I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter, I'm sure it's nothing. I'm sorry for not telling you, Trish, but I was afraid that you would send us to different places, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost him now. He just makes me feel so happy, like nothing else matters."

"You're very sweet, Chris, and I'm happy for you. God I wish I was your age again, those where the days. Are you sure you're OK then?"

"Yes, thank you."

"And you're going to start coming to see me again?"

Chris' face finally broke into a full smile. "Of course."

"Good, I'm glad to here it. Just so you know, I'll be having the same conversation with David. I need to make sure he understands the rules too."

"OK, I'll let him know."

Chris got up to leave. "See you Trish"


Nathan sat alone in the T.V. room waiting for Chris to come out of Trish's office. He wasn't paying much attention until a story on the news made him prick up his ears:

"A warning has been issued to the general public today as Lancashire police announced the escape of James Henderson from a mental facility for the criminally insane located somewhere in Preston. Henderson, 39, eluded security and nursing staff, yesterday, by attacking an orderly and acquiring his security badge allowing him to exit the hospital unnoticed. Using a fire exit to flee the hospital he set off alarms, which further aided his escape by causing confusion and panic throughout the building. Charged with the sexual assault on his teenage son who, for legal reasons cannot be named, Henderson is thought dangerous and not of sound mind. Police urge anyone who spots James Henderson not approach him under any circumstances and to contact emergency services immediately."

"What was that about?" asked Chris who had come into the room toward the end of the report.

"Some mad guy who abused his son has escaped from a nut house in Preston." replied Nathan.

"What was his name?" asked Chris concerned, instantly connecting the story with David and his father.

"James I think."

"No, his surname. What was his last name?"

"Oh, I think it was something like, ermm, Anderson, I don't know, something like that."


"Yeah, that's it. What's up?" asked Nathan looking at his friends reaction. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Chris's complexion had completely drained of colour and there was no hiding the horrified look on his face.

"David's surname is Henderson. I think that guy who's escaped might be David's dad."


After explaining to Nathan that David had told him certain things in confidence that he couldn't share, Chris made his way upstairs to get an early night and to talk to David

Chris didn't know if he should tell David straight away. He knew that David felt pretty ill as it was, and didn't want to add to his problems by notifying him that his rapist father had escaped from the hospital and was probably coming after him, but at the same time, he felt David would probably want to know sooner rather than later. Chris turned the handle and opened his bedroom door, to be greeted by darkness.

Chris entered the darkened room and noticed straight away from the light that entered from the hall that David had fallen asleep in his bed rather than his own. At first he thought it was cute, then he thought maybe it was an invitation that something exciting may be in store for him tonight after all.

He quietly closed the door behind him and made his way over to the peaceful mound of covers that was gently moving up and down in time with David's breathing.

Although he was feeling particularly horny at the thought of having fun with his boyfriend, looking at him so deep in sleep, Chris decided it might be best not to awaken David, but rather, wait until morning to tell him about news report. Chris leant over and kissed David gently on the forehead. But even this was enough to rouse David from his slumbers and throw him into panic.

In his half-awake state David imagined it was Steven returning to assault him again, and he lashed out in the dark at the shadowy figure leaning over him in the dark, punching him right in the face and knocking him to the floor. This caused just as much pain to him as it did to Chris due to the injuries he had sustained earlier in the shower.

"Whoa! Dave it's me!" cried Chris from underneath David who was ready to punch again.

Now fully awake David instantly backed off. "I'm so sorry, I thought...I thought you were someone else."

Chris, whose eye was watering from the impact of David's fist, got up from the floor and found the light switch on the side of the wall.

"Who the fuck else would it be?" asked Chris in angry tones that rattled David. He had never been spoken to by Chris like this before.

David stood there in the middle of the room, completely naked and obviously very shaken up. "I...I... It must have been a bad dream, I'm sorry."

Chris looked at David and how sad he was about the situation and Chris immediately felt sad and guilty himself for getting so angry.

"I'm sorry, Dave, I didn't mean to shout, but fucking hell you've hurt my eye."

"Let me look at it," said David with his arm outstretched.

It was then that Chris noticed the marks on David's hand, and before David could get anywhere near his face, Chris took hold of his wrist to look closer. Immediately regretting the revealing of his secret, David quickly snatched his hand away. Too late!

"What have you done to your hand?" asked Chris seriously.

"Nothing, It's fine."

"It doesn't look fine to me."

"Well it is, OK!" said David rather bluntly.

"What's up with you, you've been weird tonight? There's something you not telling me."

"Please, Chris, just leave it."

"What do you mean just leave it? You're hurt."

"I'm fine."

"You're lying!"

David stood silently, his head down, staring at the floor. Chris waited a few moments for some reply, some reaction of any kind. But there was nothing, no words, no eye contact, just a naked boy standing motionless with his head down.

"Don't ignore me, David."

Continued silence

"Is this about your dad?" Chris asked, a soothing tone replacing his earlier anger.

David hadn't been expecting that one and didn't have a clue what Chris was talking about.

"Why would this have anything to do with my dad?" an obviously confused David asked, finally looking up at Chris again for an answer.

Now it was Chris's turn not to speak and David was suddenly filled with anxiety, no specifics, only general dread, but of what, he didn't know.

"What's happened, Chris? What do you know about my dad?

Now it was Chris' turn to wish he could avoid the truth, as he wrested with the decision of whether or not to tell what he knew.

"I don't want to worry you, Dave, I mean I'm not even sure myself, I mean it might not be."

"Just bloody say it."

"Alright! I saw this news report, well the end of it anyway and it was saying that there's a guy who's escaped from a mental ward on the loose. His name is James Henderson."

Something inside David's head snapped at that moment and he started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked Chris, totally confused by David's reaction.

"Oh nothing, it's just typical that's all. Anyway, I'm sorry about your eye. Turn the light off will you, Goodnight."

And with that David slipped into his own bed and pulled the covers over him, leaving Chris standing in the middle of the room, completely dumbfounded. Now it was Chris who began to get scared by the situation. Chris would have been the first to admit he was certainly no psychologist, but he instinctively knew there was something seriously wrong with David's reaction to the news report. Worried as he now was, Chris decided against pursuing the issue with David any further. He got undressed, turned the light off and got into his own bed without speaking. He lay there in the darkness staring at David, wondering what it must be like to be inside his head. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? Chris couldn't have known that, at this moment, David felt nothing. He was completely numb to all emotion. He was no longer David.