Date: Thu, 19 Apr 2012 23:42:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: Joey Young <untitledlovestory23@yahoo.com>
Subject: Untitled Love Story, Chapter 23

Usual Disclaimers Apply

Author's Note:

To all my fans, new and old. This chapter is for you. For your continued
support. Your continued love. And your continued devotion. You make this
story what it really is, a journey of love and entertainment. For that, I
thank you.

Much Love,

-Joey Young

Untitled Love Story

Chapter 23

"Dante?!"

I rummaged through my collection of CD's. I was in a hurry and had no time
to chat with my mom. Still I heard her light tread from the living room,
even before she materialized at my door. I kicked a pair of sneakers that
were in my way and pulled open a drawer. A neat row of plastic cases were
lined up against the back and I immediately began to thumb through them. I
could feel my mom's gaze on me as

I rushed around the room. I tried to ignore her, but she remained silent
and observant. Finally after finding the CD Caleb wanted I looked up.

"Yeah, what?" I asked.

I reached for my backpack and hurriedly stuffed the CD's inside, along with
an extra set of clothes and my school books. I had been staying with Caleb
every night since he had come back from the hospital. I hardly ever
returned home, unless it was necessary or I needed to update my parents on
anything. But it wasn't like I was being callous on purpose. And for a long
time, before Caleb, it had been this exact way. My solitude and their
blatant disregard for my whereabouts.

But now that Caleb had appeared in the picture I was different. Protective
if, you will.

"How's Caleb?" she asked.

"He's better. Been put on bed rest for the next few weeks, but he can stand
on his own now. He'll be able to get his cast taken off next week."

She nodded kindly.

"I got a letter from Berkeley," she whispered softly, her eyes a gentle
green. "I haven't opened it. I've kept it for you, so we can open it
together. If you're not busy, which. . . . ."

She looked at my backpack and sighed despondently. I swallowed loudly. I
didn't think my absence affected my parents at this level, but it seemed as
if my family was as much invested in Caleb's life as I was. I sighed and
dropped my bag on the bed. With a smile I gestured my mom forward and sat
on the bed. From behind her she pulled a manila envelope out and placed it
on my lap.

I grinned, "A letter, huh? More like a packet."

She laughed lightly, "A letter has more of an easing ring to it. Where a
packet sounds like bad news."

I chuckled, "Okay, let's see what they sent."

With a flick of my wrist I ripped the ledger open. The packet itself was
pretty hefty and thick. I peered inside and smiled. It was a stack
consisting of a large brochure, an acceptance letter, the scholarship
announcement, and a thick pamphlet of what I needed for the new semester. I
flipped through the many papers, reading through the kind words of welcome
and the experiences ahead of me. Instantly the thought of Caleb popped into
my head.

"What a lovely campus," my mom breathed. "Oh and the scholarship. They
really want you, honey. Look at the personal letter from the Dean of
Students. Very formal, and friendly."

I stood up, as my mom was still running her hands over the glassy pictures.

"What?" she asked in alarm. "You don't have to accept the scholarship if
you don't want too. It's more of a reflection on your academic success than
anything. Your father and I will be more than happy to pay for your
tuition. Dante?"

"Mom," I hissed. "Mom just stop, okay?"

"Honey?"

"It's not about the scholarship or the tuition. Or even the school for that
matter."

"Well, what is it about?"

I shook my head and reached for my bag. I had no time for this. Caleb was
waiting for me. I hooked the bag on my arm and headed for the door. But
before I could even enter the hallway, I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"It's Caleb, isn't it?"

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth.

"Dante. . . ."

"I don't want to hear it, mom. So, please just stop."

"Dante, he's sick. And I know that you love him-we all love him. But
. . . ."

I turned and glared at her lividly.

"But, what? I should drop my losses and leave him? I have my future to
think about, is that it? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

She sighed sadly and let go of my shoulder.

"You know, I love Caleb as much as I love you, but be practical here
son. This opportunity won't be here within the next few months. It's now or
never." I ground my teeth in frustration. I so badly wanted to

yell at her and shake her for saying these things. "Your father and I love
Caleb, but since the accident and the problem with the other boy, we just
can't help but think you're making an awful decision."

That was it. That was all I needed to hear. I turned and stormed out of the
room. My anger was my only motivation right now, to get away from this
place, from these thoughts.

"Dante, honey!" my mom called. "I'm just looking out for your
well-being. . . . I'm sorry!"

I threw up my hand with a wave and kicked the garage door open without
another look back.

				~*~

Dante's hands held mine on the edge of his lap. His fingers rhythmically
squeezing mine every few seconds. We sat silently together in
Dr. Nathanson's office. The warm oak interior was comfortable; inviting. My
mother was sitting next to me, her hand patting my shoulder. Dr. Nathanson
fiddled with a stack of papers on his desk, his glasses gliding down his
long angular nose.

I glanced at Dante and saw something in his features that hinted at the
brink of an emotional eruption. He continually clenched his jaw, straining
his cheek with the effort. His eyes were solid flints of green, no gold to
lighten his features. His hands were kind, but his face was a hard mask,
keeping my concerns at bay. Suddenly Dr. Nathanson spoke, interrupting my
thoughts.

"So, every month or so, you'll be required to come in for standard pet
scans," he said as he opened a manila folder. "It's nothing drastic, just
to test the rate of your cancer's progression. See if it is growing or
shrinking."

I gulped.

"What happens if it does shrink. . . ." I gulped again. "Or grow?"

He looked up from his folder and adjusted his glasses.

"Caleb, you are living with cancer," he stated so medically it had no
effect on me. "It's an amazing feat to see that you've made it this far."

Dante's hands tightened reflexively.

"From here we just watch it and monitor it, making sure we can stop it
before it consumes you entirely.

For most cancer patients, this is good news."

"Good news?!" Dante exclaimed his hand, releasing me.

He stood at once and reached for his coat on the back of his chair. Excuse
me was all he said before he left. I looked to my mother and saw the same
pain in his eyes mirrored in hers. Go, she mouthed. I just nodded and got
up. The moment I closed the door, I heard my mom speaking softly to
Dr. Nathanson.

I scanned the hallways and empty rooms for Dante, nearing the
elevators. Then I saw the emergency staircase propped open. An empty
clipboard had been placed in the doorway, keeping it from closing. Gently I
pushed the door open and heard it. The dull metallic clank of something
hitting the steel banister. Clank, clank, clank. Then silence. I tiptoed to
the edge of the staircase and peered down. A whole floor below me is Dante,
his jacket thrown to the floor and his foot resting on the metal
banister. His head hanging in his large hands.

"Dante?" I breathed, my voice quivering.

"No!" he yelled. "Caleb, go! I don't want you to see me this way. Please."

I silently descended the stairs, my hand gliding along the green metal
banister. It took me a good thirty seconds to reach him and even then he
wouldn't look at me. I tried to touch his arm, but he flinched so severely
that I dropped my hand.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "Is it what Dr. Nathanson said?"

He growled and stared at me openly.

"It's much more than that," he answered. "It's the stress, the
fear. . . .You died right in front of me! You died, Caleb and-and it scares
the crap out of me."

"What does?" I prodded.

He still wouldn't let me touch him.

"The thought of you dying," he stated, his voice cracking at the end. "It
scares the hell out of my, Caleb. It does."

He looked up at me and I could see the tears forming in his eyes. His face
crumpled momentarily and I took that chance of vulnerability to move into
his arms. Immediately he grabbed me and held me against his chest, the
emotions of the day washing over us. His strong arms just cradled me to his
chest, unwilling to let go, to release this small moment between us.

"I'm right, here," I whispered into his neck. "Does that count for
anything?"

He sniffed lightly, "Of course it does, baby. Of course."

"Good," I growled. "Cuz, I plan on staying here for a long time."

He didn't chuckle like I thought he did. I pulled back and stared at his
face. His eyes were cast downward, like he was trying to hide something
from me. I raised a hand and softly caressed his jaw, which was shaved
smooth. His arms tightened reflexively. This was the closest thing to
intimacy we had achieved, since I had come back from the hospital and still
it was marred by his melancholy disposition.

"What is it?" I traced the line of his jaw and the curve of his lips, but
still he stared at the far wall. "Dante?"

He sighed lightly and moved his right hand under my shirt, to the exposed
skin there. He rubbed it warmly and finally looked into my eyes. I smiled
encouragingly, which did amazing things to his eyes. The hard glass of
green melted slightly to a soft consistency, but the hard mask was still
there. Lurking in the background.

Very slowly he leaned in and parted my lips. I shivered slightly.

"Dante-"

"Shhhh," he breathed. His breath sweet and intoxicating. "Just shut up and
kiss me."

I grinned widely and kissed him.

				~*~

Stacey kicked her legs back, rocking us forward with the strength of her
action. The porch swing creaked softly as it supported our weight, along
with the pendulum motion of each swing. A thick afghan was wrapped around
our shoulders. I leaned heavily into her side as we stared emptily at the
boys working on Justin's car. Their heads were deep in contemplation over
the engine. Dark oil laced their forearms and t-shirts. They had been at it
the whole morning.

"We're planning on visiting Berkeley, within the next week," Stacey stated,
continuing the conversation, which lagged after a brief moment of
silence. "We found this cute apartment near the campus. Hardwood floors and
everything. A fireplace too."

She laughed delicately, "Justin likes it. And after they fix his car, he
can use it to work."

I smiled fragilely, "You have it all figured out."

"Yeah," she breathed, her shoulders moving with the gesture. "It just
seemed inevitable, you know?

Justin and I, I mean. It's like we co-exist, one completes the other."

Again she sighed affectionately, and I knew she was thinking of Justin. In
an intimate way.

"Well, of course you know," she stated. "You and Dante practically live
that emotion every day."

I frowned, "Yeah, we do."

"It's great that we found them, don't you think?" she asked, oblivious to
my frown. "We couldn't have found better guys."

I watched as Justin handed Dante a tool, their biceps bulging under their
oil stained shirts. The sheer fabric clung tightly to Dante's chest, adding
definition to his physique. His face was sharp and angular, and slightly
covered in a sheen of dirt. His teeth gleamed beneath his pink lips, but
the small change did nothing to my heart rate like it usually did. I just
felt a calm regard for his handsome features.

For the past few weeks I had been feeling this way, hoping the passion
would return. But since the accident it hadn't happened. Dante was just my
fianc , and the spark between us seemed to have dimmed. But to tell someone
what I felt was unthinkable. I kept this secret to myself, hoarding it away
in the deepest recesses of my mind, willing my feelings of love to return.

"Cale?"

I blinked, "What? Sorry."

Stacey laughed, "Kinda spaced out there for a moment. I asked if you needed
to adjust your leg."

"No, thanks. I'm fine. Just thinking is all."

"Then you probably didn't catch a word I said, didn't you."

I grinned sheepishly, "Sorry."

She shrugged softly, her hair slipping out of her casual bun. It spilled
silently down her right shoulder and rested in the crook of her arm. Her
beautiful face just regarded my expression, probably trying to decipher my
thoughts. Sure enough she spoke.

"Are you okay, Cale?" she asked stoically. "Cuz ever since the accident
you've been different. Quieter. Last week it took you all of 3 minutes to
focus on a single task and now you constantly sit alone in reflection. Is
it the IL2's?"

I gulped. I didn't know I was that obvious. But I took the life line when
she offered it.

"Yeah, the chemo takes a lot out of me. My mind has been off for the past
few days." I laughed. "I can't seem to concentrate on anything."

This only darkened her expression.

"How many sessions are they having you take?"

I shrugged, "Chemotherapy every Tuesday and Thursday for about four hours
and radiation therapy every month."

Her eyes widened slightly, but she reigned it in a bit.

"What does Trudy think?"

"She's worried, of course. Says I'm overloading myself, but Dr. Nathanson
and Cater think I have the strength to handle it. And I agree with them."

"What about Dante? Does he know how much it's taking out of you?"

I smiled grimly, "Last night when we were sleeping I woke up and ran to the
bathroom. I threw up his dad's tuna casserole all over his bathroom and he
held me the whole time. Gave me a shower afterward and laid with me all
night, while I shivered uncontrollably. . . .I'm pretty sure he
understands."

"And his parents?"

"Have been brought up to speed on my case," I answered. "His parents are
actually the ones who made sure Dr. Nathanson remained on my service. They
even offered to pay for my hospital expenses. . . .But our insurance
covered it. So, they're supportive."

"Interesting," she commented.

With a slight tug, she pulled the blanket covering us tighter, making it
rub loudly against my cast, with a rough friction sound. She tapped my cast
with her free hand. It was a smaller cast than the one I had earlier, but
still it consumed the whole lower part of my knee. It ran from my heel and
ankle to the upper part of my femur, where it partially immobilized me.

"When do you get this thing off?"

"Tomorrow, after my next chemotherapy session. Dante's pretty excited."

I laughed halfheartedly at the comment, and looked down.

"I bet," Stacey added, her voice still conversational. "Cuz of prom,
right?"

I smiled, "Right."

"He sounds like he's got something planned. I wonder what it is."

"Stace, don't."

"Don't, what?"

She stared at me with a sly grin.

"Don't goad, me. I don't deserve it."

She sighed, "Cale are you still berating yourself for what happened two
months ago?"

I shrugged.

"Well stop will you. It's not your fault. Besides, we've already said
there's nothing to feel bad about. It was an accident."

I stared out at the lawn, my thoughts roaming to other things. I thought of
school and the constant deluge of news I provided for them. I had become
the talk of the school and even Drew's name had come up. Not for obvious
reasons of course, but more as the other vehicle in the accident. I sighed.

Drew.

I hadn't seen him in months. Not since that night. My family wouldn't even
allow him to visit me in the hospital, which was for the best I
suppose. And now as the last school year wound down, it became harder and
harder to find time in my brain for Drew. Even now, when Dante was so
content with what he thought our life was. But it was the best part of me
that kept up this illusion, for his sake.

"Oh, did I tell you about last night," Stacey whispered, her eyes darting
across my face.

I forced a smile for her benefit and shook my head.

"No, what?"

Again she looked around as if someone might over hear our conversation.

"Justin and I did it. . . ." I just stared at her
blankly. ". . . .again. Cale, come on. This is news for me."

Internally I felt like breaking down and crying, because although Stacey
had found one person to love and cherish, I had found two. And the loving
and cherishing was reeking havoc on my emotions. I was one emotional
breakdown from a full on commitment to a psychiatric ward. But I slammed
that door shut and muffled it into silence, burying it deep into my heart
where it belonged. And at a good time too.

I sat up and feigned attention, "You're right. I was just being a
martyr. Okay. Justin. Sex. You. How was it?"

She frowned slightly and shook her head. I stared at her for a moment,
before sighing internally.

"Stace," I whispered impatiently. "You had sex. It's okay to say, sex. I
mean its Justin, not Alex from Biology."

"I know," she replied sheepishly. "But it's just that. It's Justin we're
talking about, and it's kinda weird, don't you think?"

I shrugged, "Not really. Unless you wanna make it weird."

"No, I don't. . . . But still it's Justin we're talking about. We
practically grew up together. We used to swim in his pool when we were
kids. I saw him just in his trunks and now I've seen him naked. It's just a
weird evolution of our childhood. I knew him long before I ever met you and
it's just strange to be dating him now."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"NO! No. Nothing like that."

"Okay."

"It's nothing, never mind."

I laughed, "Stace, it's okay to enjoy spending time with Justin. It's
normal to want to spend a lot of time with your boyfriend."

She sighed, "Well of course you know that. You're practically marrying
yours."

I remained silent, the statement hung in the air, until we noticed the boys
approaching the porch.

"The guys are coming," Stacey whispered.

I nodded.

"What are you two up too, over here?" Justin called from the steps of the
porch.

He and Dante bounded up the wooden planks, two at a time. They were all
sweaty from the heat of the engine, and splotches of oil lined their
muscular forearms. Dante's damp shirt clung tightly to his pecs and lean
waist. He strolled to my side and leaned heavily against the armrest of the
swing. It creaked with his weight, while his oil stained hand found mine. I
hesitantly wrapped my fingers with his and smiled faintly at his warm
expression.

"Sorry I'm dirty, baby," Dante whispered, his voice exhausted. "We managed
to at least fix the oil filter and the fan belt, but it still needs a lot
of work."

"It's okay," I replied. "Besides I hardly know what any of those things
do."

He chuckled lightly, "Which is why I love you so much."

I flinched internally at his words. Was it okay to feel this way, even if I
didn't want too? I felt guilty for feeling any other feelings for Dante but
love. He deserved much more than my fickle feelings. I convinced myself
that it was just today. The feeling of utter emptiness would pass. Tomorrow
would be better.

So I just smiled at Dante and left my palm in his. The world charging ahead
without me.

       ~*~

The bright fluorescent lights of the school's hallway blinded me as I
stared up at the ceiling. A cold chill coursed across my skin as I walked
to the counselor's office. I had barely gotten my cast taken off a few days
ago and the slightest change of temperature still gave my legs goose
bumps. Especially now when I had to attend a meeting with my guidance
counselor.

I grabbed the door's handle and yanked lazily. I was supposed to be
attending weekly sessions, but the last few weeks had been so busy, what
with the emergence of prom, the removal of my cast, and the planning of my
wedding. I gulped loudly at the thought of my wedding. God, my wedding.

"Hello, Caleb," Mrs. Burgess' warm voice stated as I entered. "I'm glad you
didn't cancel today. Please take a seat."

I nodded and stepped toward the soft leather chair placed in front of her
large oak desk. The office had dark green blinds, with wood paneled walls
and soft green wallpaper. The blinds were open, revealing her view of the
school courtyard. A large display of encyclopedia's and old leather bound
books lined one side of the wall, while an array of diplomas and awards
lined the other. The room had a peculiar smell, like freesia and pine
wood. Very welcoming.

"Would you like some water?"

"Sure."

She smiled warmly and stood up. She walked lithely across the carpeted
floor and grabbed the clear glass pitcher of iced water. She was a middle
aged woman, very petite and thin. Her hair was a small crown of loose
curls, bronze in there color. She wore very earthy toned clothes. Beige
cardigan, brown khakis, and olive green blouse. Her face was kind and
quizzical, but very open.

"So, how have you been, lately?"

"Fine, fine."

She poured me a glass of water, her eyes remained on the glass.

"And your family?"

"Fine. Thank you."

I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. I hated gazing into her eyes, feeling
like she saw through me almost immediately.

"And Dante?"

I smiled, "He's fine, too. Very busy. You know, he was accepted to
Berkeley. Early admission."

"That's fantastic," she replied. "Here's your water."

"Oh, thank you. Yeah it is. His family is very proud. . . I'm very proud."

"Is that all you feel?"

I rubbed the glass nervously. Here we go. The light conversation had turned
into a cross examination.

"Yeah," I lied. "Immense pride is all I feel."

I didn't look up, knowing she saw through my lie.

"You say "immense pride". Tell me, why do you add that extra adjective?"

Instantly the sound of her pen clicking to life resounded in the dense
space between us. I sighed. And it begins. But I decided to evade her
questions.

"You know, most people in wedding magazines are smiling women. Their all
happy. Smiling cuz they're in love." I looked up and smiled dimly. "But you
never see same sex couples in the magazine. Never. . . .I wonder why that
is. . . .I mean people constantly push for equality, but the slightest
difference of normality is never seen."

I placed the untouched glass of water on her desk, pushing the offer of
kindness away from me.

"It's sad, really," I continued. "And I pity those women."

I laughed and stared at my bare knuckles. My wedding band winking jealously
at me.

"How are the plans going, then?" she asked, her voice soft, almost a
murmur.

I smiled again, "Plans are going fine. Our moms are excited. . . . Dante
and mine, I mean. Very excited."

"Are you excited?"

"Oh, of course," I answered with a wide smile. I stared over her shoulder
as I said this. "It's what I've always wanted. Who wouldn't be excited?"

"Well, Drew wouldn't be, I suppose," she replied. Instantly my eyes
traveled to hers. She saw the recognition in my expression and I could see
it in hers. "You once said that he was the reason you felt

any reluctance," she continued. "Do you still feel that way?"

"Dante's mom offered the beach as our wedding chapel," I said, ignoring her
goading questions. "It's quite lovely actually. A summer wedding. Most
girls would kill for that location and I have it without even knowing to
ask for it."

I smiled dumbly at my hands.

"Dante says that our wedding will be beautiful. But how does one know that?
I mean, it's months away. A lot can change in that time."

"Do you want them to change?"

"A lot can change," I repeated. "Two months is like two years for me. But
not for everyone else. Two months for them is like next week."

I laughed again, this time bizarrely.

"I've died. Did you know that?" Her eyes widened. "Yeah, for exactly one
minute my heart stopped. And that was the only time I felt free. Isn't that
weird. . . .Or sad."

I twirled my ring around my finger and watched as the little bird in flight
twisted beautifully.

"So, I shouldn't be feeling any reluctance, right?"

"I don't know, Caleb. You tell me."

I looked up at her. Her eyes were a soft green. Nothing like Dante's but
still lovely in the right light.

"I mean, I should be happy. I have a boy who loves me. A wedding to prepare
for. A family that cares immensely about me. . . .But somehow I can't be in
the moment. I can't feel the joy I should feel. Not

since. . . ."

"Since the accident?" she finished.

I shrugged.

"You know, you come here whenever the time best fits you, Caleb. But you
seem to never tell me anything. Why is that?"

I chuckled darkly, "I don't know. You tell me."

"You know, I can't do that. You're the one who has the key to all your
answers."

I sighed, "Well we'll never get anywhere."

She chuckled lightly, "I enjoy our sessions together. I haven't met a
challenge like you in a while. It's refreshing."

I smiled, despite the jab at my mental capabilities.

"Who was the other patient?" I asked, my attempt at changing the subject
was half-hearted, but she took the bait.

"My daughter," she answered.

I glanced up at her and for the first time since I had started attending
our sessions, she wasn't looking at me. Instead she was staring at the far
wall.

"What happened?"

"She was a very troubled girl. But for all the training I had, I couldn't
help her." she continued to stare blankly at the wall, her thoughts
elsewhere. "She killed herself, on her 15 birthday. And that was the only
case I ever had where I lost a patient. . . . I was only thirty-five years
old."

"How long ago was that?"

"Ten years ago," she breathed.

"I was diagnosed with cancer ten years ago," I whispered.

Her eyes instantly found mine. And in that moment we were both two people
who had experienced the most atrocious amount of grief. In that moment, we
were both flawed and both vulnerable.

"I think now is the perfect time to end our session," she whispered, her
eyes starting to water. "Shall we set up another appointment?"

"Same time next week?"

She softly opened a thick leather bound book and scribbled something in the
ledger. With a gentle sigh she looked up and smiled faintly at me.

"Good bye, Caleb. See you again next week."

I got up and headed to the door. I grabbed the doorknob and turned once
more.

"I am sorry," I replied. "For your loss. Would you believe me if I told
you, I know how it feels?"

She sniffed, "Yes, I believe I do."

"I know how it feels," I said, with as much sympathy as I could muster.

"Thank you," she replied. "And I'm sorry too."

I nodded and left.

       ~*~

After my meeting with my therapist, I headed to my English teacher's
office. I needed to square away my thesis for the final. I found him
speaking to another student, so I waited patiently in the hallway.

After 15 minutes of waiting and thirty minutes of discussion, I was finally
free of any academic plans for the day. My head throbbed with hunger as I
fished my keys from my bag.

I had parked in the rear parking lot near the athletic fields, and the
auditorium. My mom's grey ford Taurus looked lonely in the empty parking
lot. The distant sounds of children playing, and a coach shouting added to
the still air. It was nearly 4 in the afternoon and the clouds were
sparsely filtering the sun's rays as they beat down on me. I reached my car
and saw my reflection in the glass of the window. I moved to open the door,
when I heard my name.

"Caleb?"

I dropped my car keys at the sound of his voice. Heat warmed my cheeks, and
my heart crumbling in pain at the casual tone. Immediately a flood of
memories ran through my mind. A hundred stolen kisses, loving sighs, and
soft murmurs of my name, forever branding his presence in my life. All pain
and pleasure, both mingled into one disastrous mess. I looked up from the
door handle and stared ahead at the empty campus, before I gradually turned
around.

"I was just leaving," I responded stupidly.

I avoided his gaze by staring at his still body, but God was he
beautiful. His hair had gotten longer and needed a cut. Curly golden hair
hung in small tendrils around his head, which he ran through with his long
lean fingers. He wore a red and white baseball tee, which clung tightly to
his toned waist. My eyes ran along his lean arm, tracing his thick veins,
to his fingers, which held a gym bag. I didn't want to look at his face,
knowing it would only make things worse.

"Me too," he replied and gestured to the bag like he was offering it to
me. "Just got through practice."

I smiled timidly, "That's right. Football?"

He chuckled, "Baseball. But it was just for a small team."

I frowned, "Small team?"

"Yeah," he breathed. "Right, now for the community college, here in
town. Staying close to home this summer."

Just one glance, I told myself.

I looked up, and stiffened with unknown emotions. His face had healed
perfectly. His sharp angular nose was straight and intact. His smooth
forehead, wrinkled in concentration, a gesture he was hardly aware of. His
square jaw was cocked nervously, which made his full lips slightly uneven,
but in an endearing way. A Drew way, if that made sense.

But his eyes. Oh, his eyes. If anything they told me everything I wanted to
know. They told me he was in pain. That he was hopeful. That he was still
in love. And they told me that he was searching. Searching

for the same thing in mine. But I couldn't even tell myself what I felt,
much less him.

"--I've been"

"--You know"

We had both started at the same time.

"Sorry, go ahead," I whispered.

He smiled kindly, "No, you go."

I chuckled nervously.

"I was just going to say that I've been cast free for about two days now."
I gestured to my leg. "Very liberating."

He laughed sadly, "Yeah, I've noticed. . . .I got mine removed about a week
ago. Was just a minor break. My arm."

"I remember," I replied, my eyes glancing at his muscular arm.

There was a lull in the conversation that left a surge of something in the
air between us. Not awkwardness, no. More akin to desire. Or at least a
need to say our peace.

"I haven't seen you around lately," he breathed, his vivid blue eyes
watching me. "Even in class I don't see you. It's strange. . . . Not having
you in my life, I mean."

I cast my gaze upward toward the sky. You will not cry, you will not cry.

"I've been busy," I contested. "Finals and all that."

I could feel his gaze on me, but I didn't dare return it.

"Drew I've go-"

"-Caleb, you don't have to ignore me, for him. And I've been meaning to
talk to you." He stepped forward, but I put a hand out to stop him. I
didn't trust myself enough to offer any more space between us then what was
allowed. He sighed. "This again?"

"Yes," I whispered shakily. "Don't do this. Please."

"Do, what?" he whispered urgently. His blue eyes widened in
frustration. "Tell you to choose me? Tell you to run away with me? Tell you
that you're making a mistake? What, Cale? What should I say instead?"

"Tell me you're happy for me," I answered. "Give me your blessing. It's all
I ask."

His blue eyes watered and his lower lip quivered, "You know I can't do
that."

I sniffed, "For me, even?"

A small tear escaped his blue eyes and it took all of my will power not to
run into his arms and hug him fiercely.

"I can't," he breathed brokenly, his voice strained. "Not when it means,
I'll lose you forever. You're all there is for me, Caleb Pierce. You're my
undoing."

I whimpered.

"So, choose me," he continued, his blue eyes blazing with passion. "Love
me. And I will be forever faithful."

I sniffed, "I thought I told you, I cant."

His face crumpled and I saw for the first time his true despair. He was
burning internally and I couldn't do anything about it. I just stood there
while the flames of his unrequited love consumed him.

"Just tell me one thing," he replied. "Tell me one thing and I'll believe
you."

"What?" I croaked.

"Tell-tell me you don't-don't love me," his voice broke and he hiccupped
from crying.

He was literally crying. Right in front of me and in broad daylight, which
only made me feel worse.

"I-I . . . ." but I couldn't.

He stared at me beseechingly, waiting for me to say anything. I moved to
open my door, but he was there; always faster than I was. His arms in a
wild twist that only belonged to him, found me. Their strong capable
muscles enclosed me, drawing me to his chest. My hands folding together
against his broad chest, pinning me in a vice. In that moment the
atmosphere changed, charged with an electric, exhilarating anticipation.

And then we were kissing.

It happened instantaneously, like we were two magnets physically drawn
together. One moment I felt his weight upon me, the next I was matching his
strength with my own. Hands were everywhere. Roaming each other. Fingers
clutching fingers. Twin trails of tears smearing our lips. And it was
invigorating.

His hands were rough and dirty, as they pushed mine against the side of the
car. My right knee moved up between his thighs, while the other hitched up
against his waist. He reached for the one on his hip and squeezed it
lightly, while he pressed my back against the side of the car with those
same hips. I gasped at the pure magnetism of his touch. It seemed to reach
to the core of my bones, making them wilt like a fragile leaf.

In this moment, I was his. To do as he pleased. And I embraced that feeling
of total abandon.

My lips were on fire as they shaped themselves to his. He had a light
dusting of fine golden hair, that tickled the corners of my mouth, making
the nerve endings in my lips react erratically. I hardly came up for air,
only when it was absolutely necessary. Even then I could still taste his
flavor on my tongue and he tasted amazing. Like sunshine and honey. Both
warm and sweet.

Slowly, his hands released mine and traveled to the hem of my shirt, just
above the lip of my pants. His course fingers ran along my skin, making me
shiver in pain and longing. He growled as our tongues rolled around in each
other's mouths. My tongue tentatively stroked his. His hips moved in a
smooth grinding motion set to the beat of our hearts, while his large hands
cupped my chin, holding me in place.

I could feel his erection against my belly, which did amazing things to my
stomach. He moaned at the friction between us, before he hefted me up
against the side of the window. I gasped, my feet lifted from the ground
and my neck fell back with a slow guttural moan. He moved from my lips and
trailed a blistering heat of kisses down to my neck. I clung to his hair
and groaned animalistic as he nuzzled my sensitive skin.

"You. Are. So. Sweet," he murmured.

Suddenly I broke away.

I hissed as my elbow struck the side mirror and the realization of the
moment hit me.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed and ripped out of his arms.

"What?" he asked, his face flushed. "Did I hurt you?"

"Yes!" I screamed, making him flinch. "We shouldn't be doing this. Oh,
god."

"Caleb, wait."

"NO!"

He released me and I landed on my feet. I instantly turned and opened my
car door, clumsily finding my keys and getting in.

"Caleb!" he yelled through the glass. "You don't have to run. Just stay
with me. Please, baby, stay with me."

I started to weep at his words. My hands slid across the steering wheel
into my lap.

"You know as well as I do, that you don't love him."

I shook my head vigorously.

"You don't know anything!" I yelled back, fresh tears streaming down my
face.

"I know you!" he said as clear as day.

I stopped and stared at the steering wheel. I blinked, he was still
standing there. He leaned against the glass and seemed to caress the air
around it. His eyes were tender and sympathetic. His face softened. I
started the ignition and glanced at him through the window. His blue eyes
clear and piercing.

"I know you," he said through the glass.

I frowned, "This was a mistake."

I shifted the car in gear and drove away, leaving him staring after me.

       ~*~

"What do you think?" Dante asked as he pulled his cufflinks out a bit. "I
could pull it off, right?"

I laughed, "Definitely."

"Dude, why does yours fit better than mine?" Justin asked as Stacey
adjusted his tux. "They must've gotten our orders mixed up."

Dante laughed and clapped him on the back.

"Just get it tailored a bit, bro. You'll be good. Stace, take his
measurements again, and then give them to Mills."

Mills was the wedding tailor for the boys. We were in the bridal store
getting our fittings and picking our clothes for the wedding. Stace and I
were helping the boys first. They had to leave early to go to a pep rally
being thrown in their honor, down town. So that left Stacey and I plenty of
time to get ours done without Dante seeing my outfit.

"Are you sure, man?" Justin sighed. "It's probably my body that screws with
the tux. I have weird dimensions."

Again Dante laughed, "What?"

"Nah, seriously," Justin answered. "Tell him Stace."

Stacey smiled, "Just your shoulders. Slightly lopsided."

I lounged in one of the small loveseats placed randomly around the
parlor. The place was small and intimate with hoards of dressing attire
lining the walls. From dresses to suits to tuxedos. Everything you needed
to wear for a wedding was here at Mill's Wedding Apparel. I glanced around
the room as Stacey softly swatted Justin's arms in an attempt at getting
his measurements.

"How you doing?" Dante asked.

He stood near me, not wanting to sit, probably to keep from wrinkling his
Tux.

"Fine," I lied, throwing in a smile for his benefit.

"No nausea?"

"Nope."

He smiled, "Good. When was the last time you ate anything?"

It was always like this with Dante now. Whenever I was in a mood, he became
clinical and nothing like my fianc . It was always, did you take your
medicine, did you eat, when was the last time you felt sick. He hardly ever
held me anymore. And it didn't help that every night I had to leave him
alone in bed to throw up in the bathroom.

"This afternoon, before I went to my session."

"Oh," he breathed. He liked the idea of me seeing a therapist as much as I
did. "How was it?"

"It was fine. Made some progress, I think. . . .I hope."

He stepped closer, "Anything you wanna talk about?"

I moved to respond, but Justin called to him.

"Dude, its 4:30, we're going to be late."

Dante's face hardened, "Go start the ride. I'll be there in a sec."

Immediately Justin started to take off his clothes, while Stacey led him to
the dressing room. Dante's face softened when we were alone.

"Damn these school functions," he chuckled. "They bug the hell out of me."

I smiled, "It's okay. Go. I'll get something to eat with Stace."

He looked at me and reached down. Very softly he caressed my face, his long
fingers felt cool on my warm skin.

"You're heating up, love. Are you sure you're okay?"

I grabbed his hand mid-air and kissed the inside of his palm.

"I have another IL2 treatment this evening. I always get like this the day
of. Don't worry."

His face only became more troubled.

"I can stay with you. I don't have to go to the stupid pep rally."

I sighed, "Babe, don't. Go. Have fun. I'll be with Stace. We'll meet
later."

He groaned roughly, "I hate it when you try to downplay everything. I mean
it, I can cancel."

"I'm fine, Dante. Besides when was the last time you got to hang with your
friends? A month ago?"

He rolled his eyes, "You are an exception to my friends."

I laughed, "I love you. . . .Now go."

Again he reached for my forehead and felt the temperature. He frowned.

"I shouldn't," he breathed.

"Stace!" I called, as I stared into his gold green eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Tell Justin to come get Dante. He's being overprotective again."

I heard Stacey's tinkling laughter and saw Dante smile in consent.

"Fine, alright, I'll go. But wait for me at the hospital. I wanna go to
treatment with you."

I nodded, "Okay."

Very softly he leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. A soft brush of
his lips.

"Stace," he called. "Make sure you watch Cale. And get him something to
eat."

"Alright," she replied. "Will do."

"I'll see you later, babe," he whispered as he shrugged off his jacket.

He winked once and headed to the dressing room.

"Bye," I croaked, as he disappeared behind the nearest wall.

I waited a full three seconds, before I bolted to the bathroom. I yanked
the door open and fell to my knees. I barely lifted the toilet bowl lid,
before spewing white vomit all over the rim. My body shook once as I
discharged violently. Then it was over. It all happened in under thirty
seconds. I gasped at the sheer force of it and leaned against the tiled
wall.

"Caleb?" Stacey called from the other side of the door.

"Come in," I breathed.

The door opened and Stacey's thin silhouette stepped in.

"Oh, Cale."

"Just get me to the hospital," I whispered.

       ~*~

"How you doing, honey?" my mom asked, her face tensed with concern.

"It's working," I replied. "The nausea is going down. And I think I can eat
something now."

"Oh, you should let your stomach settle first. Maybe after you can keep a
glass of water down for an hour."

I smiled sheepishly, "Okay."

"Are Dante and Justin at that school thing?"

"Yeah," Stacey answered. "They left just before we got here. But I haven't
told them yet."

"There's nothing to tell," I groaned. "It's just a few minor
symptoms. Besides Dante will be here in a few hours when I start my
treatment."

My mom sighed, "You stubborn, stubborn boy."

I grinned wider, "Yeah, yeah."

"So, Trudy, how are the wedding plans going?" Stacey asked, changing the
subject.

My mom brightened at the mention of wedding plans. I just groaned
internally and plastered a smile upon my face.

"They're getting along great. Belle and I have been working to the bone,
trying to get it done by the end of the school year. The florist is already
booked, the guest list is finalized, thank god. And we're working on
getting a minister that will conduct the ceremony for same sex
marriages. It'll be hard, but we're scouring the city non-stop."

"A minister?" I asked.

"Of course, honey. Dante's parents insisted."

"Oh," I breathed. "What if you don't find one."

My mom chuckled, "I'm pretty sure one of us can get a license in no
time. Don't worry, dear. Leave it up to us, we can handle all the
problems."

"What about Caleb's clothes?" Stacey pressed. "We still haven't decided
what he's going to wear."

This time I groaned aloud.

"Can't I just wear a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. People wouldn't mind,
would they?"

"Caleb!" my mom exclaimed in horror. "Honestly, what has gotten into you. I
thought you'd be happy you're getting married."

"I am!" I answered. "I just wish it was a lot simpler. I'm fine with going
to the justice of peace and signing a marriage license. As long as it's
legally binding."

Stacey rolled her eyes, "You know this is what Dante wants."

"Of course, I know. And you're right, I suppose. Why does he insist on the
whole big production?"

"Oh, Caleb."

I waved a hand dismissively, "Never mind. So, what else do we have
planned?"

And for the next two hours or so we talked about the wedding. The theme at
least was simple enough to agree upon. A summer wedding set for June was
something I could feel confident about. The beach would be the chapel, our
friends and family would provide the witnesses, and Dante would be my
future. It was already decided.

But I couldn't help but feel a small pang of apprehension.

Eventually Dante showed up to alleviate some of the tension I felt. He was
with Justin, and they were both wearing the school colors. Their faces were
painted in different shades of the various colors, and their jerseys were
askew with written goodbyes. His hair was slightly messy from the
festivities, while Justin's was fully pulled away from his face. They both
smiled as they entered the room.

"Well look at you two," my mom said with an air of teasing. "What with all
your school colors and silly grins."

They boys laughed and pulled up a pair of chairs. They grinned at each
other and placed themselves next my mom.

"How was it?" Stacey asked. "Horrible? Fascist? Peppy?"

Justin chuckled, "Very peppy. With a little fascism thrown in for fun."

I smiled, "Did they at least give the seniors a proper farewell?"

"Oh yeah," Dante replied. "The seniors got their last hurrah. Silly string,
school song, and cheers all around."

"Good. I wouldn't have wanted it any less."

He looked at me and brushed a lock of my hair back. For a moment I saw the
intensity of his love like the flicker of a brilliant flame, its glow equal
to the sun. I traced the line of his brow with my eyes, before looking into
his amazingly gold-green eyes. They shimmered a deep gold, within a sea of
green. Total sincerity.

"Let's get out of here," he breathed as the others spoke softly to each
other, oblivious to us. "What do you say?"

"Let's go," I agreed.

       ~*~

I awoke with a start, drowsiness slowly clouding my perception. I felt
around the thick confines of my blankets. In the darkness I found his
arms. Instantly I curled up in them and started to weep softly. His arms
tightened reflexively and his fingers sleepily found purchase on my bare
skin. My own hands clung tightly to his bare abdomen, hoping his presence
would chase away the dreams I just had.

I wanted nothing more in that moment than to merge with him and become one;
to lose myself entirely. To forget about my problems. To no longer feel the
unnecessary anxiety associated with his presence. I wanted him to hold me
and never let go. To not feel guilty when he obeyed my every wish. To feel
pleasure when he held me like this.

Very gently I felt his fingers glide across my forearm. They trailed the
inner skin of my arm, making their way to my palm, where he flattened out
my fingers. Then he twined his fingers with mine, locking them in a
comfortable vice. They were rough and calloused, familiar with their touch.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

His long sinewy arms held me close, bulging with the wide muscles he had
there.

"It was just a dream," I sniffed. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

He breathed softly, "Caleb it's alright if you wake me. I would rather you
woke me, then go on suffering in silence."

I moved my head into the crook of his arm and gazed into his eyes. Piercing
blue disks blazed in the faint moonlight. His golden hair created a glowing
halo around his handsome face. He smiled widely and grazed my cheek with
the index of his left finger. His smile still made my heart sputter with
its effect. I smiled in return.

"Til' death do us part," I stated quietly.

He chuckled, "And in sickness and health."

I sighed, "I love you, Drew Caldwell."

Instantly his angelic features light up and his smile brightened to an
exuberant grin.

"As I love you, Caleb Caldwell."

He brought our twined fingers to his lips and kissed my ring finger, which
was encased in a silver wedding band. I was his. . . . Suddenly I awoke
with a gasp. I sat up in bed and stared around my room. The night was
silent with sleep. The arm encircling my waist moved at my sudden
start. The figure next to me groggily sat up and rested against the
headboard, his broad caramel shoulders sagging with slumber.

"Caleb?" the wrong voice spoke. "What is it?"

Even his question was wrong. This was not my dream. This was reality. And
that realization crushed me. Immediately I began to weep
uncontrollably. Dante instantly became alert and slid to my side, his hand
moving to my waist. He brushed a lock of hair from my face and tried to
make me look at him.

Instead I tore away from his grip and clapped my hand over my mouth, trying
to stifle the hitching sobs that escaped my mouth. His voice rose in alarm
at my sudden meltdown. He tried to calm me with his touch, but it only
brought on another form of hysterics. He was at a loss for words and
soothing gestures.

"I'm sorry," I wailed as he gently patted my back.

"For what?" he asked, his voice controlled and kind. "Caleb, what's wrong?"

Still I continued to cry, heedless to his words. Eventually he just held me
against him and waited for me to cry myself out. My hands over my mouth
hardly did anything to hide the agony in my cries. To hide the
gut-wrenching anguish I felt, when I craved another's arms instead of the
ones holding me. But this only added to my grief and brought on more tears,
so I just cried.

It took me nearly half the night to stop crying and even then I still
sobbed incessantly.

"Is it the wedding?" Dante finally asked after my sobs had turned to
whimpers.

I didn't answer. I honestly did not know if it was the wedding that brought
this on or the unjustifiable need to keep Drew in my life. What I did know,
was that my life was moving blindingly fast for someone who didn't even
have one a month ago. So instead of answering I shrugged my shoulders.

"Cuz if it is the wedding, I know I can help," he continued after I
shrugged. "I know my family and I are asking a lot of you. And I know that
I'm asking a lot of you, especially now, when you're going through these
treatments and preparing for graduation."

I just stared into his green eyes and listened.

"I know that," he restated, evenly. "But I also know for certain that I
love you. Not as a high school sweetheart love, but as a full on adult
relationship, will wait for you until the end of time kind of love. An
all-consuming love. And for me that's the best there is."

I watched as he cast his eyes downward, but let him continue.

"So, when you breakdown like this, with no explanation, I have to assume
it's the wedding. Because to be honest Caleb, I don't feel any reservations
when it comes to our matrimony. I am in this one hundred percent. I'd
rather have you in my life forever through legal documents, then have you
feeling uncomfortable with a wedding."

My face blanched in surprise, which he saw.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What I mean, is that if we have too, we can just go to the justice of the
peace, sign some papers and get married that way."

"I wouldn't want-"

He smiled warmly, "I don't need any of that ceremonial stuff, love.  I just
need you, forever and always."

"Really?"

"Of course. It was never about the wedding, anyways. It was always about
you. . . . But I did think you had wanted a wedding. You know, for your
mom."

I frowned softly, "Oh, Dante. I was doing the whole wedding thing for
you. I thought you wanted it for your family."

He grinned widely, "Are you serious?"

I smiled sheepishly, "Yeah. Well it was just assumed, since your parents
offered. And I didn't want to disappoint you. I was only trying to make you
happy."

He shook his head lightly, before looking at me beneath his dark lashes.

"Do you have any idea how that makes me feel as your future husband?"

I softly shook my head, making him chuckle at my expression.

"Oh, Caleb," he breathes. "You have the most beautiful heart. So caring. So
flawless."

He put his arms around me and hauled me against his body, squeezing me
lightly. One hand found the back of my hair, the other traveled down my
spine to my waist. His hand flexed over my backside and squeezed gently. He
pulled me against his hips, and I felt his erection, which he languidly
pushed into me.

I took a small breathe and found his lips in the dark. Gripping his upper
arms, I felt his biceps. Gradually I moved my hands up to his face and into
his hair. It's so soft, unruly. I roamed it freely, as he eased me onto the
mattress, my head hitting the pillows. Without taking his eyes off mine,
his hands moved to the front of my pajama pants and untied the small knot
there. His hands glided effortlessly around the waistband, releasing me
from its bindings.

I kicked it toward the bottom of the bed, as he stopped and licked his lips
ever so gently. He leaned forward and slowly ran his nose against my jaw,
my cheek, my nose.

"You smell so good," he whispered and closed his eyes.

A look of pure pleasure passed across his soft expression, making me feel a
warmth in the pit of my stomach. In the dark, he started to take off his
own clothes, while still maintaining his sensual eye contact. Once he
finished, he leaned over me and gently spread my legs apart. He hovered
over me and grinned broadly.

"Keep still, kay, baby?"

I nodded tenderly.

His eyes twinkled with my gesture as he placed his hands on either side of
my head. He positioned himself above me as I wrapped my legs around his
lean waist. I pulled my legs up and felt his erection at the entrance of my
hole.

Very gently he started to enter me, making me grunt passionately. It felt
weird to have him fully inside me after so long. A low pinching sensation
fizzled through me, as he buried himself deeper in me. It was like he was
taking my virginity again.

He gazed down at me, his eyes bright with ecstatic pleasure. His mouth is
opened slightly and he is breathing harshly. He groaned as he pulled out an
inch.

"You okay?"

I nodded, my eyes wide, my hands on his forearms. I felt so full. He waited
a moment to allow me to get used to the sheer size of him. A small bead of
sweat formed on his head, just above his thick brow. I bit my lip and
smiled faintly at him.

"I'm going to move, baby," he breathed after a moment, his voice soft.

Slowly he eased back with exquisite care. He closed his eyes and groaned
heavily, before thrusting in again. I moaned loudly, making him laugh
quietly.

"Shhh, Cale. Your mom."

I smiled dreamily, "It just feels so good."

He chuckled, "More?"

"Please," I breathed.

He did it again, this time stopping and becoming still. I just groaned into
his forearm, trying to stifle my outburst of ecstasy. Gradually he began to
move in and out of me at a steady pace. He shifted his weight to his
elbows, while he lowered his hips weight to keep me still. Eventually I
become accustomed to his slow rhythm and start to match it with my own. He
speeds up at this realization, which only makes me moan more.

Still he maintained his quick deliberate pace. His voice huffed with each
thrust, before he started to pick up the pace. But I managed to keep pace
with his relentless rhythm. He grasped my head between his hands and kissed
me tenderly, his teeth pulling on my lower lip. He shifted slightly, and I
felt something build up deep inside me. I started to stiffen as his thrusts
became deeper.

My body quivered and bowed; a sheen of sweat formed over my whole body. My
thoughts became scattered and I felt a sudden wave of pleasure wash over
me. He grunted softly and that little lapse in control unraveled me. I
gasped and exploded under him, my body splintering into a million
pieces. His pace quickened at my orgasm, before he gasped my name and came
inside of me.

A volley of warmth spread throughout me, warming my insides. Again he
shoved in once more and becomes still. I panted quietly as his body
convulsed with his release. I gazed at him softly as he leaned down and
placed his forehead against mine. His eyes are closed and his breathing is
ragged. I watched as his breathing slowed and his muscular chest moved in a
slow rhythm. His eyes flickered open and he gazed down at me. I could still
feel him inside me as he gently leaned down and kissed my temple. Very
slowly he pulled out of me, making me gasp with the renewed feeling.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked as he lied down next to me.

His hand moved to my forehead and brushed a stray lock from my eyes. I
grinned widely.

"Of course not," I replied, my voice gentle. "It's just been awhile,
since...."

"Since we made love," he finished.

I blushed deeply and turned on my back. He caressed my cheek with his free
hand. My skin reacted to the casual touch. Instantly a flutter of thoughts
come flying into my consciousness. The hidden desires.

The neglected doubts. And the kiss. Oh, god the kiss. I threw my arms
across my face, knocking his hand away.

"Caleb, what?"

I shook my head. I hated this feeling of guilt associated with Drew. I
shouldn't have let him get to me like that, earlier. I should've walked
away when he grabbed me. Now I had to pay the price and tell Dante, before
the guilt destroyed me.

"Love, please tell me. If I've hurt you, I'd like to know."

Here I go again, running the moment.

"I did something terrible," I whispered. "Something I shouldn't have."

He chuckled nervously, "I'm sure it's not that bad. Caleb?"

I removed my arms from my face and looked up at him. His gold-green eyes
are fathomless with their forgiveness, which I didn't deserve. He smiled
gently and trailed a finger across my lips. I could feel the heat of his
body next to me and I felt it. The love I had doubted before, sprung up out
of our passion and formed in my heart again. I loved this boy.

"I kissed....Drew."



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