Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2003 21:15:31 -0400 From: Jeff Wilson Subject: W.A.R. Part IV - Chapter 6 Two choices: Billy can either get mad like he has before and confront Brett, or he can accept that Brett made a mistake and forgive him. Which one will he chose? W.A.R. Part IV - Rehabilitation Chapter Six: Billy's Choice by Jeff Wilson I sat there on the floor for a long time. My head hurt. My whole arm felt like it was on fire. My chest ached. I basically ached all over. It really felt like my whole world had just collapsed. My two best friends, my brothers, had both betrayed me. Brett had taken my heart, my very soul, and trampled on it just so he could beat Dustin in a meaningless argument. He treated me like shit without even thinking about the consequences. He was supposed to be better than that. That was something I would do. Not him. Then after that, Dustin had really let me have it. My arm was throbbing with pain because of him. I had never seen him lose his temper like that. He had always seemed so in control. He had come close to losing it a few times over the years. But that was the first time that he had just totally lost it. I didn't know how I was ever going to make things right with either of them. But as I sat there on my knees on the floor, I knew that I wanted to fix things. I figured the place to start was with Brett. Why did he have to hate Dustin so much? If they could just get along, then none of this would have happened. I had never really looked at him the way Dustin did before. I looked at Brett and I saw a great friend and ally. A brother who would stick with me to the end, no matter what. There was just something about him that I couldn't put my finger on. There was a confidence in him that I didn't have in myself. He was strong in the areas that I was weak in. But Dustin saw a different picture. He saw a spoiled brat. He saw a boy who wanted to control me. He saw a boy who was mean to him for reasons that he couldn't understand. He saw someone who had more money, who had more things, a better life, and someone who had stolen his best friend and then had sex with him. Now sure, we hadn't had sex, but that was what Dustin thought. Looking at it that way, I could finally see why Dustin hated Brett. The confidence that Brett had in himself was real. Dustin's confidence was just a front. Behind Dustin's confidence was a sad, scared little boy. Brett had the life that Dustin wanted. So in a way, Brett was right about him. Dustin was jealous. But still, it didn't mean Brett had to beat him over the head with it. Why did Brett have to tell Dustin about us? He was so determined to rub his face in it. He wanted to show Dustin that he had won. He wanted to hurt Dustin just because he could do it. He didn't even think about the consequences. What if I hadn't stopped Dustin from telling people about us? Our lives would have been ruined. Maybe Brett could deal with everybody knowing about us, but I wasn't ready for that yet. My dad had said that he would love me no matter what, but what if he found out and hated me because of it? I didn't want to think about that. And he had said that mom was already suspicious about Brett and me. What would she do if she found out it was true? So, Brett had made me destroy my friendship with Dustin, because it saved my life from being ruined forever. I stood up, but pain blasted up through my arm again. It knocked me right back down. I stood back up though, and decided that I was going to have to deal with Brett. I wasn't going to sit back and let my life fall apart again. I had been down that path before, and the cast on my arm was a reminder of just how dangerous that road can be. It was time to stop being a victim in all of this and just deal with it. I put picked up the picture of me and my dad and put it on the dresser. I'd buy a new frame someday. The scratches would serve as a reminder to me of just how much anger can hurt. I locked the door to the house and re-hid the key, this time under the potted plant on the porch. Then I started walking back to Brett's house. I passed the stump where Dustin would sometimes sit. I was almost hoping that he'd be sitting there when I got there, but the stump was empty. I walked past the stump and walked down the path to Brett's house. I didn't bother knocking. I'd been there for the whole week and it seemed as much my home as my own house. I searched the house for Brett, but he didn't seem to be there. I looked all over the house, in every room, but it was quite empty. Not even a note. So I decided to hang out in Brett's room for a while. I sat down in Brett's computer chair and looked around. The computer was still turned on from when Brett had gone to answer the door. It was running a screen saver where these animals fall from the top of the screen and splatter on the bottom and turn into hamburgers, hotdogs, and steaks. Brett had an odd sense of humor sometimes. Above the computer was a shelf that held Brett's trophy collection. There weren't a lot of them, in fact, Dustin had more than him. But there they were, a few bowling trophies and a box that held a few trinkets. I glanced over at the nightstand next to his bed. There was a cool picture of him and his mom on it that I liked. It was the two of them at the top of the Empire State Building. Brett's mom stood behind him with her arms around him and the look on Brett's face was priceless. He looked scared to death, but he was trying to smile anyway. I had made fun of him a few times about it and he insisted that he wasn't scared, but I knew better. There was also a smaller picture of me stuck in the corner of the frame of the picture. It was my seventh grade yearbook picture that I had given him last year. It was strange to see a picture of myself smiling without braces. I looked a lot younger. My hair was mostly blond and my face still had a lot of baby fat. I always thought I looked like a great big squirrel with the way my front teeth looked. In one corner of the room was a big bookshelf. His mom had put it in Brett's room just to get it out of the way, but Brett's stuff had taken it over. On the bottom shelf were a couple of hand held weights that Brett had been using lately. He wanted to put on a little bit more muscle. It was working, too. His arms were actually beginning to thicken. He could make a muscle, and you could actually see a muscle... sort of. He was still pretty scrawny though. On the highest shelf were some pictures in frames. I had seen those pictures up there every time I was in this room, but I never really looked at them. I got up and walked over to take a closer look at them. The first picture had two older people with a brown-haired little boy about three years old. I figured out right away that the boy in the picture was Brett. The old people must have been his grandparents. They had died before I ever met Brett. Brett never really talked about them or the car accident that killed them. I did notice that Brett's grandma looked a lot like his mom. Another picture was one that I recognized right away. It was me and Brett at Kennywood Park a few years ago. I remembered that picture well, because my grandma was the one who took it. We were standing in front of the Steel Phantom, which Brett refused to ride. Brett had a Steelers cap on so you couldn't really see his face very well. I still looked even more like a blond headed squirrel back then. The next picture had Brett's mom. She looked really young. She was sitting on a chair and there was some guy standing behind her with his arms around her in almost an identical pose as the one of Brett and his mom. I didn't recognize the guy in the picture at all. There was something familiar about him, but I was quite sure I'd never seen him before in my life. I didn't think Brett's mom had any brothers. I started looking at some of the books on the shelf. I was quite sure that Brett read them all, because I could remember seeing him reading them at various points through the years. There were classics like "Treasure Island," a few Stephen King books, and the "Harry Potter" books were there too. There were also a few notebooks on the shelf that seemed out of place up there. I got curious and pulled one out and opened it up to the first page. ************************************************************************* March 23 – My birthday This is the first page of my new journal. Be sure to see my other works entitled "My Journal Age 10," "My Journal Age 11", and my best seller, "My Journal Age 12" Ha ha! Anyway, this is the continuation of my journal and this will be my fourth year for doing this since my mom basically forced me to start back on my 10th birthday. She said I'd look back on it someday as something great. Sure. Anyway, this is March 23 and it is my 13th birthday. Yahoo. My best friend is still Billy Roberts. My mom is still Jen Reilly. I'm still Brett Reilly. My dog, Lucky, wasn't very lucky and managed to become street pizza. Dumb dog. I really liked that dog, too. Billy came over after school for fun. I feel bad for him. His grandma's still in the hospital. I can tell he's bummed out about it. He doesn't laugh as much anymore. He still thinks it's his fault about what happened... **************************************************************************** I thought about looking at a few other pages, but I felt really guilty about it. I felt like I was spying on him. But I never realized that he kept a journal. He kept track of the weather and stuff too. There were many dates that I wanted to open up to and see what Brett thought on those days. That would have been really neat to get his perspective on things. But I would have felt like I was stealing something from him by looking. Still, the temptation was great. I heard the door open downstairs. Then I heard Brett yell my name and ask if I was in the house. I didn't answer, but I hurried and put the journal back up on the shelf and sat back on the computer chair. Brett walked into the room just as I got my self into the chair. "Oh! Thank god!! There you are! I was looking all over town for you. Where did you go?" "We need to talk." I said. "Oh... Billy, listen to me. I'm sorry. Okay? It was stupid for me to say what I said. Please don't be mad at me." "You won." I said softly. "Huh?" Brett looked at me, confused. "Dustin hates me now. Congratulations." "Billy, I didn't mean to..." "Well aren't you proud? You got what you wanted." "I'm sorry..." He said, but I cut him off. "No. I don't want to hear any apologies. There's no need for you to feel sorry about what happened. You got everything you were hoping for. Dustin hates me and you got to flaunt me like you used to flaunt Lucky." "Lucky? That old dog? Why would you bring that up? Lucky died two years ago..." "I trusted you, Brett. I gave you something that I can never get back. I gave you my heart, my soul. I gave it to you, and you used it. You used me like your fucking dog, just to win an argument. You took my love for you, and you threw it in Dustin's face. Didn't you even stop to think what that would do to me? Didn't you think for one second that you were hurting me?" Brett stared at my feet. "I gave you everything, Brett. I love you so much that I'd die for you. You knew that! There's nothing that I wouldn't do for you. And you were willing to throw it all away, for what? To win a fight with somebody who you didn't even have to compete with! You don't trust me enough to let me decide who I want to be friends with and who I don't? You don't think enough of me to let me be who I want to be?" Brett sat down on his bed and managed to look up at my chest, but couldn't look me in the eyes. "Billy, I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry! I know I acted like a jerk. But Dustin..." "FUCK DUSTIN!!!" I shouted. Brett looked up at me. "Do you think I give a damn about Dustin any more?!?! You were so busy looking at how you thought Dustin was so jealous. You never stopped to realize just how jealous you are of him! You couldn't stand to see that the two of us were friends, and that we were friends even though you didn't want us to be. For months now, you've been picking away, and picking away. Well you won! Dustin hates me now. Dustin hates me because of you! He was one of my best friends, and because of you, he hates my guts! Does that make you happy? Does it? Brett wins! Brett beat Dustin! Let's all throw a big fucking party for Brett Reilly." Brett's eyes welled up during my tirade. He didn't seem to notice that the tears were starting to escape, but I did. I couldn't believe it... I made him cry. I never thought I would do that. He sat very similar to that time on the bus when Mrs. Smith yelled at him, hunched over with his hands on his head and his elbows on his knees. He looked up at me. "I never meant for that to happen, Billy. Well, maybe I wanted you to stop being friends with him... But I never meant to hurt you." "Well you did. You used me and hurt me and you didn't even care." "I do care! I didn't want to hurt you! I didn't mean it. I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry too! Sorry that I thought I could trust you." "Does this mean we're gonna break up?" Brett sniffled as more tears escaped. It was so weird to see him crying. He never cried unless he was really hurt. "No. That's the last thing I want to happen. I don't hate you, Brett. I could never ever hate you. I'm mad at you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. Like my dad said, just because you do something stupid doesn't mean you have to give up on somebody... or something like that. I think it hurts even more because I love you so much. I've put my trust in you and you took advantage of it." "Billy, I really am sorry about everything. I'm such an asshole." "No you're not! Brett, just think before you speak next time, okay..." Then I stopped. "Oh my god, I've become my mother." Brett laughed a little. "What?" I laughed too. "That's exactly what she told me the other day, "William Aaron, you need to think before you speak." I can't believe I'm actually telling someone else to do it." "Well it's good advice, for both of us. Billy, do you know why I love you so much? Because you're who you are. You're the most honest person I know. You're not afraid to just tell it like it is, even to me. You might lose your temper sometimes, but you're also quick to say you're sorry. And you don't say it unless you really mean it. You're always trying to make other people feel better. You always try to help people when you can. You're so much nicer than I am to people. You're friendly just to be friendly. No wonder everybody likes you." "No they don't." I laughed a little self-consciously. "Didn't you notice how everybody was worried about your dad? Or how everybody was worried about your hand? I know they were, because they asked me about you, too. They wanted to help you feel better, because you've done it so many times for other people. You've gotten so focused on the things that you don't like about yourself, you've forgotten the things that make you special. I helped Mrs. Fox for money this week. You helped her to be nice. You've helped my mom with dinner every night. You even helped me with my homework. And you think that because you've had a rough time and lost your cool that people think any less of you? I think I love you more because of it!" "There's only one problem with you saying all this." I said. "What's that?" Brett asked. "How am I supposed to stay mad at you when you're saying all this nice stuff about me?" "That was the plan." Brett smiled mischievously. "So I guess I'll forgive you for being an insensitive prick." I said. "Well, thanks! Ummm... So, what happened with Dustin? I guess he found you. I went looking down at the park. Where did you go?" I filled him in on everything that happened. My angry reaction to their fight. My temper getting the best of me in my room. Dustin showing up. Our bargain, and his kick. "He kicked you?!?!?!" Brett said angrily. "That lousy no good mother fucker! I'm gonna kill him! I wish I would have been there, I'd have broken both his arms!" "No Brett!" I said. "It's okay. I know why he did it. He was angry. It's not like I've never done something bad in anger. And you hit me on my birthday! Remember? At least I got him to not tell the whole town about us. That's the important thing. Besides, my arm already feels better." "Well maybe you can forgive him, but I can't! I can't believe he kicked you on your broken arm. That just proves that I was right about him, Billy. He's dangerous. I think that you should do just what he said and stay away from him. We don't need him." "As long as he keeps his end of the deal, we'll be okay. But if you go over there and stir things up again, we're screwed. If my parents find out about us, I'm dead. Let's just leave it alone, okay?" Brett didn't like it, but he agreed. So that by the end of the day, we had managed to repair the damage that had been done to our relationship. It sure worked out a lot better than if I'd have lost my temper and gotten all worked up over everything. I guess my mom and dad and Dr. Reilly were right about that. Brett and I spent the afternoon and evening doing exactly what we had planned to do, absolutely nothing. It was good to just have time to relax and spend the day together. There would be time later to worry about Dustin. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Time for my trademark closer... Heh heh! I wouldn't have to do these if I had my own website. Oh who am I kidding, I'd still do them! Okay, so now we have Billy and Brett still together. Billy could have gone either way. I think that if he hadn't been through so much with his dad, he probably would have done things differently. He probably would have gone back to that house and let Brett have it, thrown in a few insults, and then walked out with things worse than they were before. But Billy is beginning to mature a bit. He's learning that sometimes you have to take a step back and let the other person talk. Will he be able to do the same thing with Dustin? We'll see... As you can see, things are changing in W.A.R.. No, this isn't an all-new Billy. In fact, this is something of the old Billy, before his grandmother got sick. I can't stress enough just how much that devistated Billy. It's been a year, and it still is having an effect on his behavior. I hope the journal is formatted the right way. I've never had to do anything like it before. The next chapter will be quite a trip. Literally. Billy's heading to a place he's never been to before. We'll also find out more about those pictures on the shelf. Send those emails!! Summer is here and I just cleaned out my mailbox! I need you to fill it back up! Has this story gone on for too long? What do you want to see? Let me know! vicioussquirrel@hotmail.com See you next time!