Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2004 21:39:04 -0400 From: Jeff Wilson Subject: WAR Part 6, Chapter 4 W.A.R. Part Six - Commencement Chapter Four -- Past by Jeff Wilson "Hey, boy, can you give me a hand with this bag before you go?" Dad asked as I was heading to the door. I stopped and grumbled a little bit, but hurriedly grabbed my dad's overnight bag and walked with him out to his truck. "You sure you don't want to go along, boy?" He asked as I placed the bag in the back seat of the truck. "Nah..." I replied. "Brett and I are going to go out. Besides, it's never the same when Mr. Nicholson and Donnie go up there." "Billy... I just want to tell you... I love you." Dad said. "Of course you do." I laughed. "I'm a lovable guy. I'll see you later, dad." I quickly headed toward the backyard toward the path to Brett's house. "Goodbye, Billy." Dad said as he walked back toward the house. I stopped. I turned around and headed back to the house. "Dad!" I shouted. "Wait! I want to go with you!" But dad just kept walking toward the house as if he couldn't hear me. "Dad wait! Please! Don't go!!" I yelled, running to the door. The door closed behind him. "No!" I shouted. "Don't leave me! Please!!!" I opened the door to my house and ran inside... But when I ran through the door, I wasn't in my house. I turned back to where I had been, but there wasn't a door there. There was only a wall. "No..." I said, feeling frustrated and confused. "Please God... Don't do this to me." I turned away from the wall and found that I was standing in a hallway. It was a short, white hallway with a table and chairs under a picture of a farm. There were many doors. I walked down the hallway to a doorway, and I heard voices from inside. "You have to be strong for me Billy. I can't do this without you." I looked into the room and was surprised that I was looking into my bedroom. My mom was sitting on my bed, and I was laying on my side facing away from her. "You have to be brave for me. I know this is hard for you. But I need you." "I should have gone with him." I said. "There was nothing you could have done. He went in his sleep, Billy. He didn't feel any pain." "I could have done something... I could have helped him." Without warning, the door slammed shut. A door behind me opened. Reluctantly, I peeked inside. It was another short hallway. I stepped inside and walked a little bit. I came to another door. I opened the door and walked inside. It was a room filled with flowers and with lots of chairs. At the front of the room there was a coffin. My mom stood beside it, talking and laughing with her church friends. "There he is." One of the church ladies said. "Come here Billy." I realized that she was talking directly to me. I slowly walked toward her. "You have to be brave, Billy." The church lady said. "Yes!" said Pastor Carl. "Be brave, young William! For God is with you!" "Be brave, Billy! Be brave!" "Be brave! Be Brave Be brave be brave be brave be brave bebrave bebraveberavebebravebe" "Shut up!!!!" I yelled. I ran away as fast as I could back through the door. But the door just opened right back into the very same room that I had left! This time though, it was filled with people. Many of them turned to face me when I walked through the door. "Oh there he is! The poor boy!" said one old woman. "You're being so strong!" said another. "He's too young to lose his father like this." said an old man. I tried to get away, but my feet froze to the floor. Dr. Reilly walked up to me. "How are you holding up, kiddo?" She asked. "I don't know." I answered. "It's okay to grieve, you know. You don't always have to be strong." "Yes I do." I said. And then just like that, the room went black. I was a little scared, but then the lights came back on. The room I had been in was gone, replaced once more by that long white hallway. About halfway down the corridor there was an open door. I could hear a strong voice coming from the room. I recognized it as Pastor Carl's. I walked toward the door, entranced by that voice. "We are not stopped by death! What George is experiencing today, is just the first second of the first minute of the first day of a billion, trillion, uncountable eons of his eternity with the Lord! No longer will he be stopped by this dust! He continues on and on and on forever! The Lord opened his arms, and welcomed him home! "Now, I know that this is a sad day for you, Paula. And for all of us. We will miss this man's gentle spirit. We will miss his unbelievable knowledge. We will miss his understanding of the most difficult machines. I had many spirited discussions with him, and I was always amazed by his ability to debate me on the most complex issues. We didn't agree on many issues, but he always was willing to listen, and to share his thoughts on any issue. "We know that he had a difficult life. Sickness hounded him for almost all of his life. But who among us here ever heard him say a word in complaint? Who ever saw him curse his condition? There was a strength about this man that came from a place that we all wish that we could be. He knew his purpose in life was to serve others. And he served so many of us gathered here today. Every one of us could tell a story of a fixed machine, or of a fixed spirit. He was gifted with compassion, and a willingness to help all who came across his path. And as we commit his body to the ground today, we know that his spirit awaits that glorious day when he will return to reclaim this body, perfected by the grace of the Lord! Let us pray..." I sat there while he prayed, next to my mom. I don't even know how I ended up there. I just kind of looked around and there I was. But for the first time, I found comfort in the words of Pastor Carl. I didn't find comfort for long. It was time to say the last goodbyes. What a stupid ritual. Before they let the family go, they make them walk up to that casket one more time, in front of everybody. My mom, with my aunt and uncle on either side, walked to the front, with me following behind. We stood there for a minute, mom crying uncontrollably, me trying to be brave. "Brave brave brave." I said to myself. "Don't cry now. Be brave." My mom kissed my dad's hand and held it for a few seconds, and I felt my eyes start burning. Slowly, Aunt June and Uncle Bob helped my mom to walk away. But they forgot about me. I just stood there. I felt as if the room went completely black, leaving only me and the casket. I stood there, unable to move. I felt as if my legs were frozen to that spot. "Brave brave brave!" I thought. My eyes burning away. And with no one there to stop me, and no one to be brave for, I felt my guts twist and my lungs give way. I just stood there, even though I was supposed to be leaving. I just kept standing there with my eyes stinging and everything getting all blurry. I don't know how long I stood there, but finally, someone walked up next to me. I couldn't even recognize who it was because everything was dark and muffled and blurry. "It's okay. It's okay. You can cry all you want, Billy... I love you. It'll be alright." The darkness started to go away, and I could see that it was Brett who, in front of all of those people, come up to me and put his arm around me. I wiped my eyes, but it was useless at that point. "I can't leave him." I said to Brett. "I won't." "You have to. You have to at least try to eat something." Brett said. I blinked a few times and I suddenly found myself sitting on my old park bench by the river. The darkness was completely gone now, and I was surrounded by glorious sunlight. Boats and barges flowed happily down the river. Children played on the swings. "How did I get here?" I asked. "What?" Brett asked, looking at me quizzically. "I was just... You were... What the heck's going on?" Brett looked at me as if I had a big green alien on my head. "Billy, I think you might need some real serious help." "Oh... I'm just going to go to the bathroom." I said, totally frustrated and confused. I walked to the park restroom, leaving Brett wondering if I'd truly gone insane. The building was empty, and I was glad to have the place to myself. I walked up to one of the urinals, unbuckled my belt and then unzipped my pants. I flipped my underwear down and held my dick, ready to aim. Just as I was about to let my bladder release, I realized something... "Oh fuck! I'm still dreaming!" I said. I woke up just in time to stop myself from making a lake in Amanda's bed. That would have been the first time in four years. I had wet the bed once when Dustin stayed with me when I was like nine years old, and Dustin never let me forget it. He was the only person who knew that I ever had that problem. It was so embarrassing that I never even told Brett. But if I'd have done it that night, when I was almost eighteen, I don't think I'd have ever lived that down. As I walked through the dark to the bathroom next door, I tried to make sense of what I'd just dreamed. It was so weird, and already I was having trouble remembering what happened in the dream. I drained my bladder, flushed the toilet and then sat down on it. I just needed to think. What was wrong with me? I remembered standing up there in front of all those people. And there were hundreds of them. The place was so full of people that some had to stand. And even though there were so many people being so nice to me all through that time, I was absolutely miserable. I wasn't absolutely miserable anymore, but I was still pretty depressed about what happened. But while I sat there, I started to really think about things. Would my dad have wanted me to still be so upset about what happened? He always told me that he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I always denied it, but he was right. I didn't come to any grand conclusions that night. I simply got up and went back to bed. But I really had no trouble falling back to sleep after that. I knew I had some major changes coming up, and I was going to have to face my mom eventually. But I felt like there was nothing to be afraid of anymore. I knew that my dad was going to be with me, and hat he had always told me that he'd be proud of me, no matter what. I went to sleep with a peaceful feeling and hope for what was to come. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Well, I hope that wasn't too confusing. Obviously, dreams are a little weird, and Billy has been known to have some odd dreams in this story. But there are some important issues dealt with there, if only in Billy's head. Not much else to say this time. We'll get to deal with some other issues in the next chapter. For now, let's just do our business, which is: EMAIL!!!! vicioussquirrel@hotmail.com or jkwsquirrel@yahoo.com GROUP PAGE!!!!!!! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/squirrelwriter That is all. Next time, Brett goes nuts in school, Billy gets naked in school, and Dustin gets a big laugh in the first paragraph...