Disclaimer: This is a true story, as well as my 1st for Nifty. Hope u like it. Any comments, suggestions, or mail can be sent to larenzaprince@yahoo.com Enjoy. X
WHAT ABOUT NOW?
It was the year 2007, one of the best in my young life. All my life I wanted to have someone that would love me, just the way that I am, with no alterior motives and secret reasons that I would be so stupid to believe and find out later, when it would hurt the most.
I was 17 years old and it was way to hot for that time of the year. If you are anything like me, and can't get up in the morning...well you know what I mean lol. Anyway I was busy getting dressed as I saw this truck standing outside in the street, at the house across ours, and they were making a big noise in offloading furniture and stuff. I was curious as to find out who our new neighbours would be, so I said goodbye to my mom and left the house. (My father is a complete bastard, so he won't be mentioned a lot in this story.)
As I was walking outside, squinting my eyes against the sun and watching the new guys, there was a man, a woman and a boy...who looked like he could be my age. My heart jumped. No, not gonna be another Christian, no not gonna allow that. Christian...God I loved him so much.
Christian was my 1st official gay love. We grew up as young kids, playing hide and seek as well as sharing our bikes and our lunch. When we went to Highschool, everything changed. Suddenly I started to see him in another way. A way which for a long time I believed was a massive sin. It just wasn't natural, I believed at that time, to be in love with your best friend, a guy. Well we were close and I didn't want to end our friendship and be alone once more.
One day we were in the changing rooms, we were both on the soccer team and I couldn't wait to see his body again...if you knew Christian you wouldn't have either as he was beautiful. Six pack abs, blond hair and dazzling blue eyes, O.M.W what was I thinking? I was so fucking tired of hiding these feelings that I was having and so irritated of having to hide it from him. Don't you ever find it tough that staight people can freely admit their feelings to one another but when a gay person wants to, (s) he can't find the courage?
Well that day was going to be different and I decided to tell him what I was feeling. "Hey Chris, can I talk to you just for a minute?" I asked. He looked at me strangely. "Sure dude, what's with the asking?" Shit, great way to start this. "You know that people, like, fall inlove and, sort of, like each other and then, okay how will I say this...oh you know, relationships and stuff?" If I knew what the look on his face would look like, I would never have asked him this. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean, but why..." Suddenly his face lighted up. "Dude! Larenza, have you met a girl? Is that why you're acting so weird today? No shit, dude! What's she like, what's her name?"
I should have expected this. I know it. But I still weren't prepaired for this intervention. Of course he would think it to be a girl, u asshole. He has no idea you're into him. Should I tell him? God, why was this so difficult? I had two choices, I could tell him, and take a massive chance that our friendship that lasted nearly 10 years would be over. On the other hand, by some miracle, he could be a lot more accepting than I thought he would be.
"No Christian. Yes, there is someone, but it's not a girl, buddy. It's..."
"You mean it's a woman? Shit, man I always thought you were made to be some lady's toyboy! So...yeah answer my question. Who is it, do I know her perhaps?"
Okay, I loved him, but really how dumb can one person be? This was getting harder and harder.
"God, Christian, it's you! You! I love you, Christian Jansen, I love you! You still don't get it?"
He got alright. Oh yeah. He looked at me as if he wanted to see through me, as if to look into my being if I was lying or telling the truth. I had no reason to lie to him, that he knew.
"Me?" he said so softly I could barely make it out. "Me?" he whispered again.
"Look Chris, im sorry. I tried to hide my feelings for you, but I can't. As you know we're only 14 so having this kind of burden on me just isn't fair. Sorry I had to tell you like this, but yeah now you know. Shit, buddy don't just look at me like that, shit dude, say something, say anything! Don't just keep quiet, fuck I can't handle this."
I started to walk towards the door and he made absolutely no effort to do anything, any movement or sound to make me stop. That day I didn't know that I was walking away from him for the very last time. The next day at school he was no where to be seen. That afternoon everything got too much for me and I decided to go over to his house and talk this thing through. If we couldn't be more than lovers then I wanted my old friend of 10 years back at least if that was at all possible.
To my surprise the door was open. What was going on? Immediately I thought somebody had broken in, but nothing looked to be weird around the house. I went up to his room to look for him. The room was empty, no one there. Where could he be? This was getting realld weird and scary, ths wasn't like Christian. Then I saw it. The one and only thing I still have to remind me that there ever was a friend called Christian Jansen in my life. A letter on the counter, next to the Pokemon PS2 game I gave to him for his birthday. It was written to me. I tore it open...
Dear Larenza
This is the most difficult thing I ever had to write, and that includes the time we had to write letters to our teachers pretending we were our parents so that we could play hooky. You shocked me to my core yesterday and I don't know if I can live with what you told me. Larenza, you are my best friend and for you, my best friend, to tell me that, was just so unexpected and strange. Did I do something to make you feel this way? Guess I will never know. I'm going away. Please don't look for me, I beg you. I'm not sure if I want anyone in my life right now.
I will always, always be your friend, Larenza
Christian
That night I cried my eyes out for Christian, the guy I loved with my whole heart. And he was gone. One afternoon was all it took to destroy a friendship of almost 10 years with one sentence. Fuck, my chest burned in guilt of causing all of this, not only for me, but for his parents as well. They still hope to this day that Christian will return. In the 3 years that past until this day I have never heard of him again. His parents were blaming me for their only child's dissapearance and I was blaming myself as well. From that day on I vowed never to be in that kind of situation again. Never again will I fall in love with a guy I concider to be a friend.
With that thought firmly in mind I walked over in the blazing sun to see if I could help out new neighbours with anything. As I stopped at the pavement, the boy I saw, looked up and saw me standing there.
"Hi, I'm Larenza. I live across the street. Can I help with anything?"
He looked at me and for a minute like he had just been hit with a waterfall of ice cubes, God I just net the guuy 5 secondes ago, why on Earth cold he be giving me that look? I thought he was going to ignore me out flat and wanted to tell him to fuck off but then he smiled and came over to me, extending his hand.
"Hey there, I'm Henry Westerfield."
That's it for the 1st chapter. Should I write a chapter 2? Hope u like and enjoy it. Any comments, suggestions and mail can be sent to larenzaprince@yahoo.com
Larenza
J