'hey big kid, (my nickname for her since I was ten)

i'm great. no worries. summer's awesome. how's todd? (Todd is Denise's boyfriend. They started dating about a month ago)

yeah, you could have called too. don't give me shit! so just call whenever!

her name is sophie, but i don't like her back.

i'll call tonight or something' is what I replied to Denise.

I was clipping my toe nails when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THIS SOPHIE!?" my aunt Denise squealed into the phone.

"God, Denise! I think I've gone deaf! Hello!"

"Ty--"

"Denise? Hello?"

"Stop th--"

"Denise! You there?"

"OKAY! I'm sorry for the... volume! SO why don't you like this girl?"

"I don't know," I responded sheepishly.

"C'mon, Ty. It's me."

"Don't freak out! Or scream! Just stay calm!"

"Okay. Just tell me."

"I'm... in... love with... someone else."

There was an abnormally long pause.

"Aunt Denise?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just freaking out. Inside."

Another long pause.

"Wow," Denise whispered. "Who is it?"

"I'm… not telling. Not even Lenny knows."

"But you tell Lenny everything!"

"That is how big it is."

Just then, there was a knock at my bedroom door. My mom came inside.

"Dinner's ready," she informed me. "Who is that?" she asked seeing me on the phone.

"Denise" I mouthed.

"Oooh, you should tell her!" my mom encouraged.

"I'd rather tell in her in person," I complained.

"Tell me what?" Denise demanded.

"Nothing. I gotta go, dinner's ready," I said into the phone.

We were in the middle of the meal when my dad kicked my chair. I looked at him, silently asking what he wanted.

"Your brother doesn't know," my dad said, hinting I should tell my brother my big secret.

"What don't I know?" Curtis asked, full of curiosity.

I grabbed my glass and gulped half the amount of juice it contained. "I'm gay."

"NO SHIT!" Curtis yelped.

"You knew!?" I asked alarmed.

"No. I meant that more like 'are you serious' than 'oh I know'," my brother said with some unknown tone in his voice.

Remember, Curtis is homophobic. He's never done anything bad to them. But he avoids Martin and Vince.

So that evening, Lenny picked me up at six-thirty and we walked to the basketball game Quentin told Lenny about. When we got there, there was about seven or eight boys on the basketball court waiting for more players. There were also a few other teenagers of both genders on the sidelines waiting to watch a game. Lenny and I both decided to play defense. But, Lenny and I were on opposing teams.

The game went on about an hour and a half. My team won 58 to 49, according to a couple boys on the benches.

I was sweating profusely. It probably wasn't a good idea to wear jeans while playing. I honestly didn't expect to play that long. I thought I'd get a couple minutes here and there. Not a whole game.

It's been a week since I told my whole family about my sexuality. My parents haven't changed to me, they still love and care for me, but you could feel the slightest bit of tension. Curtis... is a different story. He doesn't avoid me and we try to communicate. But he's reserved. To me, he feels betrayed. We were so close, tight-knit. We loved and cared for each other unconditionally and irrevocably. But now our conversations are minimal, we don't banter each other. Nothing. I've cried myself to sleep once. But whatever. I should not let my brother bring me down because of his diseased mind.

Denise and Byron came to the house with Curtis. I was in the kitchen pouring myself a glass of water. Denise and Byron came into the kitchen and smiled big at me. I guess nobody told them. For that, I was thankful. I wanted to be the one to tell them.

"Hey," Byron greeted with a friendly punch to the shoulder.

"Hey, how's it goin'?" Denise asked. "Now what was it you wanted to tell me in person?"

"The only people I told are my parents and Curtis," I said cautiously, "so this stays between us. Understand?"

Denise and Byron nodded their head looking serious. Denise looked concerned or worried.

"I'm... gay."

The silence was unbearably loud.

"You're... attracted to..." Byron trailed.

"Yeah."

Denise's head snapped to Curtis.

"Is this why you've been so weird?" she asked Curtis angrily.

Everyone stood in a awkward soundlessness. Curtis looked ashamed, he had his head down.

Denise walked up to Curtis and stared at him. But Curtis was still staring at the floor.

"Look at me," Denise whispered.

Curtis slowly looked into the face of our aunt Denise. His eyes searching her face. Denise slapped his face. That was totally unexpected. Byron and I gasped in shock at the ordeal. Curtis didn't move a muscle after the assault. He looked hurt.

"HE IS YOUR BROTHER!" Denise screamed at Curtis venomously. "Byron, let's go," she didn't yell but her voice was seething.

Just as Denise and Byron exited the kitchen, my parents entered the front door.

"Hey, guys. What's wrong? Why do you look so angry, Denise?" my mom asked worriedly.

"I just hit your son!" Denise said in frustration as they still made their way out the door.

My mom rushed into the kitchen and went to me first. She thought Denise had slapped me instead of Curtis.

"Oh, my baby. Why did my sister hit you? Oh, don't cry."

I didn't even realize tears had been falling from my eyes, soaking my cheeks.

"She... didn't." I said, my voice breaking.

My mom now looked confused. But it quickly turned to realization. She turned her attention to Curtis. She examined his face, which was now donned with a red mark of a hand. Curtis still looked shocked and ashamed.

"Son, why did your aunt hit you?" my dad asked now examining Curtis' face as well.

"She... hit me because... I'm a prick," Curtis replied on the verge of tears. Curtis glanced at me for a split second. In that split second, he looked haunted. But he quickly made his out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

My mom pulled me into a loving, tight hug. "I know it must be hard to be without your brother."

"Mom, let me go," I sadly whispered.

My was making my way upstairs when our phone rang. My dad answered it and he told me it was Lenny. I told my dad I didn't want to talk to anybody.

That evening at dinner, Curtis didn't come down. My mom said he never left his room since the fiasco with Denise.

After dinner, I went out my bedroom window and just sat on the roof of the house. I did this on rare occasion to think.

I don't know how long I sat on the roof when Lenny went out his bedroom window and sat on his roof.

"Is everything alright?" Lenny asked softly.

"Yeah. Drama with my brother," I replied meekly.

"Oh. What happened?"

"Can... we not--"

"We don't have to talk about it. Can I come over?"

I just nodded my head in response to Lenny.

Lenny jumped onto the tree between our two houses and climbed the branches up. Once high enough, Lenny started swaying the tree back and forth. When he was confident, Lenny leapt from the tree onto my roof.

"BOYS! I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT! YOU'RE BOTH GROUNDED!" my mom bellowed from downstairs.

Lenny and I were told millions of times not to jump onto the other person's roof via the tree. But we never listen.

Our parents also have an understanding that once we do this, either set of parents can ground the both of us without any interference from the other set.

"I've been calling you all day. Then I call the landline and you don't wanna talk to me?" Lenny asked softly.

"Don't take it personal, buddy," I said softly, not offending him, "I didn't wanna talk to anyone."

Lenny and I didn't move from our spots beside each other for a very long time. For all I knew, there was no time. We sat in each other's comfortable silent company.

That night, I was lying in bed thinking about how much I've ruined, being gay. My parents didn't want a gay kid. My brother was angry at me and probably feared my company. If my brother could act this way, what's to stop my friends from acting the exact same way, if not worse?

I began feeling...

I was wiping a stray tear from my eye when my bedroom slowly opened.

"You awake?" Curtis asked in a whisper. His voice was ragged. It was clear he had been crying.

I didn't answer him. I just grudgingly turned over in bed with a huff. I heard the door click closed and was relieved my brother had the decency to go when he's not wanted. But I heard his feet briskly walking to my bed. I began fearing what he'd do to me, a gay kid. But I felt him climbing into my bed. My fear turned into anger in a flash.

"Ty, I--"

"Get out," I whispered.

"But let me--"

"I said GET OUT!" I screamed as I pushed him off my bed.

Curtis got up off the floor and stood up. "Ty! I'm--"

I jumped out of bed and began pounding on Curtis' chest, fighting the tears back, screaming "GET OUT!"

I was still pounding on my brother's chest, but now freely sobbing, when I heard my parents running out of their bedroom. Curtis grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. My arms folded between our bodies, trapping them there. I had noticed Curtis was naked apart from his briefs. My bedroom door flew open, but my parents stopped in their tracks at the sight of me being held to Curtis, bawling like crazy.

"I HATE YOU! YOU MADE ME FEEL UNWANTED! YOU MADE ME FEEL DISGUSTING! LIKE AN OBSCENITY! A MONSTROSITY! I FELT MYSELF BREAKING! I WAS SO CLOSE TO WALKING INTO THE KITCHEN AND GRABBING A FUCKING KNIFE AND JUST ENDING IT! I HATE YOU! YOU WERE MY BROTHER! WE WERE ALWAYS CLOSE! WE WERE ALWAYS FRIENDS! YOU HAD MY BACK! I HAD YOURS! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY! THE SECOND YOU FIND OUT, I'M FUCKING NOTHING TO YOU" I screamed full of tears and sorrow. It was a sorrow so much more than I could ever comprehend. I was sobbing with a vengeance.

I felt wetness falling onto my head. Curtis was crying silently. I then felt my mom wrapping her arms around the both of us. She rested her cheek on shoulder. It was wet with tears also. I felt another set of arms embracing us. It was my dad.

I don't know how long we stayed in that embrace, but I started to feel dizzy. It was nothing to do with the embrace that I was feeling unsteady. It might have been from all the commotion of the day. I fought with the embrace, trying to escape it. My parents got the hint and released. Curtis, however, did not. I pushed my folded arms harder. When I was finally free from Curtis' hold, I slugged him across the face. Curtis fell to the floor.

"Tyler!" my mom shouted as I made my way to my bed."Apologize to your brother!"

I laid in bed and pulled the blanket over myself. "Good night," I said with a yawn.

Then I was gone.

I awoke the next day because I heard my bedroom door shut. I opened my eyes and found Curtis lying next to me, facing me. His left eye had a purple bruise from my blow. I began to feel the tingling pain in the bones of my hand. Mainly my knuckles. Trying to forget about the pain, I looked around my room. The sunlight was different. It was orange instead of its usual bright yellow when I wake up.

"You're awake," Curtis whispered.

I looked back to him. I didn't know what to feel when I saw him. I didn't know how to think about him. I began to feel the familiar sting of tears forming in my eyes.

"What time is it?" I asked trying to distract myself.

"It's just after five. You've been sleeping over seventeen hours," Curtis said just above a whisper. "Mom's been coming in here to wake you up. But I begged her to let you sleep."

"Curt--" I began, but I couldn't finish from Curtis interrupting me.

"I love you!" Curtis said abruptly.

"What?"

"I'm sorry and I love you!" Curtis said as tears pooled in his red eyes. "But I can't expect you to forgive me so."

"That was too much damage. I didn't know I could hurt that much," I confessed.

"I promise I'm gonna change."

I suddenly remembered beating on Curtis' chest the night before. I lifted the blanket off his body. His chest had multiple bruises that were a darker purple than his eye.

"I deserve so much worse," Curtis said softly and sincerely.

"I thought I heard my baby's voice!" my mom squealed as she came through the door.

"Hey mom," I greeted her stoically.

"'Hey mom'? You go into another coma and all I get is a 'hey mom'?" my mom asked incredulously.

"I went into another coma!?" I shouted.

"NO!" Curtis exclaimed looking at our mom annoyed. "You just slept a little long."

"A litt--"

"Mom, can I have a minute alone with this boy?" I asked apathetically, talking about Curtis.

My mom quickly left my room and closed the door behind her.

"So what happened last night?" I asked worriedly. "The last thing I remember is hitting you then mom telling me to apologize, but all I said was good night."

"That's pretty much it. You said good night and were out like a light." Curtis replied. "After a minute of watching you sleep, mom and dad went to their room while I climbed into your bed."

Curtis and I were still lying face to face in my bed, still staring at each other.

"Were you serious last night?" Curtis asked with distress, uneasiness.

"Serious about what?"

"About... grabbing a... knife."

"The thought crossed my mind..." I answered contritely. "Then it lingered there."

I literally saw Curtis' eyes redden and swell before my eyes as he was about to cry.

"Tyler," Curtis scolded me in a whisper. "Now I feel like shit."

"I've been feeling much lower than that for a few days now," I declared.

If it were possible, Curtis' eyes got even more sad at my declaration. He pulled me to him and held me.

"I swear to you, my brother, I'm changing. We are gonna be close again. But this time, even closer than before. We are gonna be sick of each other. I swear to you," Curtis rambled fighting the tears. "It took our loving aunt to slap me for me to realize what an ass I really am."

"Don't talk about Denise like that," I scolded in a whisper.

"I meant it. She really is loving. I've been their best friend all our lives and she had no problem choosing the right side, which is your side."

"We are so gay!" I shouted with laughter.

"What?" Curtis chuckled.

"We are hugging, naked, in bed, and confessing our feelings. Crying no less."

We both roared in laughter wiping tears from earlier. After a while, the laughter subsided and Curtis and I just laid in my bed. The tingling pain picked up a bit in the hand I hit Curtis with.

"I should probably wrap this up," I said as I massaged my hand.

"I guess I should apologize to mom and dad's friends, huh?" Curtis asked sounding ashamed.

"Who?"

"I don't remember their names. The... uhh... the male... the couple."

"Martin and Vince?"

"YEAH! Martin and Vince. The next time I see them, I'll apologize."

"Mmm," was all my response to that.

"And Ty? You can't think about... that... ever again!"

All I did was nod my head up and down.

"No matter what anyone says or does! That cannot be an option! Now we should get something to eat. A warning though, dad probably remembers you saying 'that' last night. Mom definitely remembers."

Mom had waffles waiting at the counter when Curtis and made our way to the kitchen. There was also a carton of fresh berries with the plate of waffles.

"So... Ty," my mom said casually as I stuffed a piece of waffle in my mouth, "I called Dr. Remon this afternoon and made an appointment for you."

"I expected as much," I replied after swallowing.

"So, you can talk to him about anything that is bothering you. But, you will certainly talk to him about your sexuality, how you feel about it, how you feel about us knowing, the ordeal last night, and possibly coming out to close family and friends. I'm not saying I'm forcing you to come out. But I also don't want you growing up miserably in the closet. So if you don't comply, you are grounded for six weeks and no allowance for two months!" my mom said.

I grudgingly dropped my fork onto my plate, making it cling and clang on the ceramic.

"FINE!" I said heatedly. "When is the damn appointment?"

"Tomorrow afternoon at four."

"Hmm. That's odd." I said as innocently as I could.

"What is it?" my dad asked.

"I'm suddenly not hungry anymore." I replied slyly.

When I have a disagreement or a dispute with my parents and they win, I tell them I'm not hungry. They used to try to force me to eat, but I told them forcing me to do something was a form of abuse.

"You finish your meal or you're grounded!" my mom threatened.

"Nuh-uh," I said back slowly, "As long as I ate half I'm good!"

My mom smiled and shook her head in disbelief. She resentfully took my plate and trashed the rest of the food.

About a year ago, my dad said that I can't not eat. So we made an agreement that I had to eat at least half the serving and I could be excused.

I was watching TV when there was an urgent knocking at the front door. My mom went to answer and I went along with her. She opened the door and there stood Wes dressed in nothing but basketball shorts. He was panting, fighting to catch his breath. He had run here from his house nineteen blocks from mine. My mom led him inside and into the living room.

"Is everything alright, sweetie?" my mom asked in a motherly tone.

"Can I talk with you and Mr. Bernison alone?" Wes.

My mom told me to go to my room and she called my dad.

I made my way upstairs and closed my bedroom door. But I didn't go inside. I sat at the top of the stairs listening to the conversation.

"Can I spend the night here?" Wes asked reluctantly.

"Sure, honey. But is everything okay?" my mom asked.

"No!" Wes began crying. "My dad yelled at me and sent me to my room!"

"Did he hurt you?" my dad asked worriedly.

"No."

"Then what's the matter?" my mom asked.

"I got scared!"

"Do you think he could hurt you?" my dad asked.

"I don't know! He found out I'm gay!" Wes cried uncontrollably.

To Be Continued...

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Questions, comments, and critiques are welcome, whether good or bad, and can be sent to

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Tyler Christopher