************************************************************************** * "NEW TO LOVE" * * (part 14) * * by Vince Water 3/04 * ************************************************************************** | Copyright 2002-2006 by Vince Water Corrected 3/06 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jesse touches my left cheek with his palm covering my mouth. Okay. No more talking. He brings his face to mine for a kiss. It's really nice. I'm expecting his next kiss but it doesn't come. It's my turn to kiss him back. I ask him something instead. "What first attracted me to you?" "What?" Jesse asks. I'm scolding myself. He was expecting my kiss instead of a dumb question. "It was your nose." "My nose?" I ask, surprised. I've looked at myself in the mirror and seen that straight on, my face looks fine but when turning sideways, my nose seems kinda long, like a witch without them warts of course. He likes my long nose? "Yours isn't that long, Mike. It's a cute white guy's nose." "That's what first attracted me to you? Really?" "Uh-huh. You were darting about the classroom helping students with their computers. I peeked at you when mom wasn't looking and that's what caught my attention. Your nose. Silly, isn't it?" Jesse's finger traces over my long nose. I've never liked the look of it and couldn't imagine that anyone would find it attractive. What about the rest of my face or other parts of my body? I have a slim figure from exploring Montana these past months with hiking, riding my motorcycle and on horseback. My butt looks great. Was he too shy to catch a glimpse of it in class? I tense up when Jesse feels over my backside. "You do have a nice one," says Jesse. "Yeah?" I breathe with a sudden nervousness. "Mike. I'm Sensing your reluctance to what you want me to do with you." "No... I want us to join our bodies like a real gay couple!" "That act doesn't make it so." "I want you to, Jesse." "Why?" I'm at a loss for words. My eyes close to hide myself from Jesse even though it's too dark for him to see my face. I expect that pulling sensation in my head when he'll Read how I'm feeling about this. "I'm not going to do that, Mike. I promised you. Besides, I don't think you know why it's necessary that I fuck you. That's only a joining of our bodies. I've enjoyed giving my butt knowing how good it felt for you. Your first time is going to hurt. I don't want to do that. We prove that we're a couple by how we feel for each other in our hearts. We are Joined in ways that few have experienced. A Sharing of our thoughts and feelings. Our spirits are as One. Love, we are life bonded. That is a joy for us because we are always going to be together." "Until death do us part," I recite from the marriage vow. "Mike. We'll go to the Above together. Grandfather said we would." I breathe in deeply then empty my lungs in a slow release. "Forgive me, Jesse. We have this night to be together and I'm ruining it." "You aren't. I understand you pretty well, Mike. That's why I've chosen to give my heart to you in this short time we've know each other. We're both new to love. It's a wonderful feeling. You complete me and I complete you. We need to get to know each other better in other ways. What you'd asked me a moment ago proves this." Jesse is wise. He says the right thing that in my hearing it, makes sense when I couldn't voice it myself. I'll be learning a lot from him. A whole lifetime together for me to do so. It'll make me a better person. I hear my lover release an impatient sigh. "Is there anything else you'd like to ask me?" His Indian accent is a real turn on. I kiss my lover instead. He pulls back from my face to ask me something. "What did you like about me when you first saw me that night in class?" I'm smiling in remembrance. "It was your long hair and how slim you looked sitting beside your mom." "She isn't that fat," scolds Jesse. "No. I mean your arms are really long. I watched you helping Winna on the computer. Every emotion that you were feeling was there on your face. You were unlike any of the other Indians that I've seen but so shy whenever I approached. That made me think you were just a kid." "I was shy because I was afraid of you." "Afraid of me?" I didn't know that. A sharp pang fills my stomach coming from this revelation. Jesse breathes in. He explains why he was. "I thought you'd get mad at my mom for bringing me along to class. Running Water couldn't pick me up after school that day so my mom had to. That made her late." I remember Winna apologizing to me afterwards about it. She introduced her son who was too shy to shake my hand yet he smiled back at me. That's when I felt the first stirrings of love in my heart. "Me too, Mike." I give Jesse a tight squeeze. He feels so good in my arms! The warmth of his slim body next to mine affirms everything that I've hoped for. He wants me in the same way that I want him. We are going to be together from now on without having to hide our true selves from his mom. Joy bursts in my heart. I'm given a hungry kiss from my mate. An excitement for love making is felt from our cocks pressing together yet I'm not ready to do it yet? "You're acting like the shy one now," teases Jesse. I release a sigh. "It's strange. We've made love a few times already. I know you so well from our being inside each other's heads yet I'm feeling the need to... well. I don't know. To get to know you better if you know what I mean?" "You can ask my teddy bear about me." I've forgotten that he's sitting between our pillows. I face the stuffed animal. "Teddy? Is it okay for me to take your place in bed and be with him?" No reply, but I wasn't expecting one from the bear. No squeaky voice from Jesse's lips either. I'm feeling silly. Teddy is only a child's toy. "Ik omah ksksi-siwa, nits sksin-iipa. Nita ahk-oom oh si Sah-kee-otokan." Jesse's softly spoken words to Teddy prove he doesn't think this is only a child's toy. "Eh, Ootsi mioh kiaa-yo?" So. That's the name Jesse has given his teddy bear. In the silence that follows, I imagine Brown Bear answering my lover. He's then reverently brought to Jesse's chest between us. I accept him into our embrace. "He doesn't think your nose is too long either," Jesse whispers. He starts trembling. I'm Sensing something odd from my lover. A return to that shy youth he was with the need to hold his teddy bear. Jesse has always been so strong when everything's been happening to us. I realize that the shield he bears to the world isn't without some vulnerable spots. I'm angry at myself. I should be there to support him instead of wallowing in my own doubts. I've chosen him as my mate. Anything I can do for him I will do. I Feel a Pulling through our Connection when he draws on me for strength. That makes me realize how much he needs me to stay out here in the real world. "Jes? It's okay. You can take anything from me that you need." "Do you realize how much I need you?" "Yeah. Part of me fills that place in you that's lacking. It makes you complete. More than from being loved, you're drawing on me to be normal." "I've just tried pulling away from you so that I can stand on my own two feet. I fell. Grandfather said that he'll soon be training me to be shaman. I hope that I'll also learn not to draw on you so much." "You will, my love. I've only helped bring you out here. The world isn't as scary as you've seen and things will get better. There's such beauty in you. A gentle spirit with much to give others. I offer any part of myself that you need." Jesse squeezes me in his arms. The Pulling sensation in my head grows stronger leaving me feeling a bit dazed. :Mike. You've done more than bring me out. I'm sustained by you in ways that I can't describe. Your love does that. I want to stay with you because you're a wonderful person. You are the man I love. We will grow together to become better human beings and in service of those who need us.: :You mean others who are gay,: I Ask. :Yes, love. We've been given a Power that will help bring others who are like us into the Light. No longer will they be in denial of their spirits, feeling wretched, lonely and in pain. From our example, they'll know how to fulfill themselves by finding happiness with others as we have.: I'm in awe of Jes-ee-ah. Where a moment ago he was that frightened kid, now he's thinking like a shaman. His strength comes from the need to help others that has him looking beyond himself. If only I could do that myself. :But you have done this, Short Hair.: I release a sharp breath through my nose. Maybe I have done some good for others like urging to keep the peace between my tribe and the police, finding that Power Bundle and helping Winna with her troubles but I did all that because of Jesse. My all consuming love for him. That's not a very noble reason to act for the sake of others as I have. :Mike. Your love for me is a noble thing. Now I can act for the good of our tribe and I will stay out here because of you. I'll follow in my grandfather's footsteps to serve the People.: I'm surprised to fear what he's just Said. He needs me for now. What about when he is shaman of the Blackfoot and can stand on his own? :My left hand is pledged to you, Short Hair. Now and for always! My right hand will serve the People.: Relief fills me. We know this is so from grandfather's vision. I'm shamed to be thinking only about myself and not of Jesse's need to grow into a whole person who can help others like us. :You are too hard on yourself, love.: My eyes shut tight and my nose pains me when preventing the tears. It has been so hard these past weeks! Finding love for the first time, not knowing if Jes will be allowed to be with me, those strange Indian things that were happening and having to deal with past selves. It goes on and on. Too much! I suppose that's why I'm not allowing myself to enjoy this night with him. Something soft presses against my face, startling me. :Brown Bear wants to give you a kiss.: I give him one. On his nose. Something breaks in me that releases all my anguish. Jesse's arms tighten around me. :Let it all out, Mike. He doesn't mind getting wet. I've cried with him lots of times.: I clutch the stuffed animal. There's no shame in me to do this. All my worries, pain and doubt come out of me. Only for a moment. Strength is given to me from my former self. He's only a kid but learned how to act as a man should in the eyes of his tribe. I'm glad that Chris is part of me now. Brown Bear is gently pulled from my face. He's set between the pillows at our heads. :We feel better now.: Embarrassment fills me. :I don't know why I'm always crying so much. It makes me seem like a sissy.: Jesse caresses the side of my face, Sending me his understanding for our weak display. My eyes widen. I know why from our wordless thoughts that explain it. Our spirits were Merged during grandfather's Passing Rite of that bundle's spirit into us. We've since returned to being two different persons yet strongly Connected. Different aspects of ourselves find release through one of us. Like crying. I was doing that for both of us, I'm realizing now. :Yes, love. You express the worry and pain that we both feel.: :While you take strength from me to remain out here.: Jesse gives me a tight squeeze. I feel his long arms around me but too, I Feel his thoughts melding with mine like a warm blanket. That's our connection. In spirit. We realize how close we are, as One with two bodies. It's our memories that differentiate who we are so he can be Jes-ee-ah while I remain Short Hair. :You're accepting who you are at last, love.: He means Chris. :Yeah. I'm realizing how much he is like me.: :He's you who lived from a different time.: :He's made me more than who I was. Man! As Mike, I was a real dumb guy.: :Don't think that,: Jesse Asks. :You're a young man with many years ahead of you to grow as a person.: :I'd felt a yearning for a change to where I was. That's why I came to vacation in Montana. My life as a computer person wasn't making me happy. I'm so lucky to have met you!: :I'm glad that we did, love.: A pause. :You realize that it was meant to be, don't you?: :Like fate?: Jesse is speaking of Indian magic. :Something like that. We were together in our former lives but yours was cut short by Evil. It was no coincidence that you came to Havre. You were looking for me. Grandfather had Seen this. Call it Indian magic but it did happen. We are together at last and we're going to be together for a lifetime as it was meant to be!: I Feel such happiness bursting in Jesse. I'm Sharing in that. He touches my nose. I hear him release a trembling breath of excitement for me. He wants us to make love now. We snuggle under the blanket. I breathe in the sweaty lime smell from my companion and feel a tingling in my loins. He presses himself closer to me. Our cocks rise together in warmth and sensual rubbing. It takes my breath away. I'm ready to make love with him now. A kiss. I'm quick to answer that with a hungry mouthing of Jesse's lips. He responds passionately. We rub over each other's backs, butts humping that mashes our swollen cocks together. Ahh. It feels so good! I reach my left hand down to Jesse's butt. I'm wanting it bad. He doesn't grab mine but keeps both his arms around my shoulders. We're tonguing. I pull away to take an urgent breath then return to our kissing. So wonderful! :I give myself completely to you, Short Hair.: With Jesse's Words in my head, I Sense his longing for me to fuck him. I'm gonna. :And don't heed what my mother said.: He means when Winna asked me to be gentle with her son. But what is Jes really asking me? I pull away from our kissing to take an urgent breath. "What do you have in mind?" I tease. "Conquer my butt with that big spear of yours." I'm getting the impression that Jes wants me to do him hard. Between gasps, "I don't want to... hurt you." "You won't. I'm used to getting penetrated so let yourself be the fierce warrior who vents his lust over the fallen enemy brave." I'm given images of something Jesse has learned about the Indian wars. Something really dark. When an enemy fell to the better warrior, his life was sometimes spared by submitting to a brutal rape. It was done to shame the weaker man. Death with honor was preferred but not always granted. The brave would return naked to his tribe with revealing bite marks over his cheeks. A filled butt too, usually from successive mountings by lusty warriors. That drove the shamed man to do battle with his enemies in an attempt to avenge himself. More rapes of men followed. All from that cycle of hatred. "Mike. Your act will be done from love. I want to Share in your joy of taking my butt, to feel your teeth marking me as your conquest and the swift long stabs of your cock going through my hole before its strong gush." "Uh-huh. Would me doing you like that be ah... fulfilling a fantasy?" Jesse turns shy. I Reach out to him so that I'll understand what he's asking of me. Oh. He does want me to rape him like that fallen brave on the battlefield. :You were peeking in my head, Mike.: I Sense Jesse's deep embarrassment. :Tell me. I promise not to laugh.: A moment later, he does. :I've read about the atrocities committed by warriors on their fallen enemies to shame them. I asked Ron if he's read that too. I'd seen him mount my uncle a few times. He explained how it was different, being an act of love between him and Running Water than an expression of hatred between enemies. I already knew that. What I'd seen them doing together gave me a longing to be that fallen brave submitting to rape. That the act gave him a woman's desire to fulfill a man's need both from venting that warrior's lust and revealing what was hiding in his heart. The sperm put in his butt made him gay. When next they met in battle, they didn't raise weapons in hatred but embraced love. I'd seen my uncle doing that with Ron. I finally experienced what that felt like when he stuck in mine. It was joyous. All that I'd imagined two men could be when their bodies are together. Ron wouldn't shoot in my butt though. I made him by reaching back to grip his butt near his ending. It became a struggle between us like doing battle yet I managed to win his sperm in me. That's when I was sure I was gay. He didn't make me so.: Jesse is sincere by how he feels and it explains why he submitted himself to Ron. Did he try to win that man's love too? I Sense my lover's shyness. :Maybe I did,: Jesse admits. :Yet every time we were in bed together, Ron told me that he loved Running Water. He felt guilty for having sex with me but I didn't. My body offered that man's needed release when he couldn't be with my uncle. In return, I learned what it meant to be gay. The joy of expressing my true self.: Ron helped him with that, not unlike how I was helped by Breechclout-boy to accept that my heart could love both Owopspec and him. I'm startled to be thinking like Chris but he is me. What he learned during his time with the Indians is the same thing I've experienced by loving Running Water and Jes. My spirit is in another cycle of life. Funny how the same challenges and events seem to repeat themselves. I'm gonna do better this time around. Jes gives me a shy kiss. I do love him so! My fierce kiss answers his, sending relief through my lover. Ron showed him how two men can join their bodies. We perform that act to express the love in our hearts as it should be done. "Yes. Make love to me now, Short Hair!" Jesse's soft Indian accent excites me. I'm kissing him again, pulling away for a breath. "Have you read that white guys raped Indians?" I ask. "No, but I imagine it has happened." A shy giggle. I'll indulge my lover's fantasy. It's also one of mine but instead of me being ravaged by a warrior, I take up the role of a farmer's son who catches a young Indian brave in his fields. I imagine us doing battle. The end of my hoe gives him a glancing blow and he falls. Jesse giggles with delight. The blanket is shoved down to our feet. I turn him onto his belly and rush on top. It's dark in our bedroom. That helps us fill in from our heads what our eyes cannot see from our shared fantasy. What a young Indian, I think to meself. He's still breathin' so my blow hasn't killed 'em. I'm relieved. My eyes are drawn to his backside. A yellow deerskin flap covers him so I pull it away for a look. A brown little butt. My hands feel over it with lust. It's moist from sweat, warm against my palms and so soft. I'm wantin' to try something that I've heard trappers do with each other when no women can be found to sate manly need. My mouth falls to this savage's backside. I'm kissing all over his butt and breathin' in its sweaty smell. That gets my cock hard. To be sure that he's not play acting gettin' knocked out, I bite his ass. No hollerin' from him. I'm kissing his cheeks some more and biting them. What I'm doing to this young brave is real naughty! :Would a farmer boy dare to rape an Indian?: Jesse Asks. :Maybe. If Chris caught one sneakin' around in his father's field, he'd sure give him a thrashing before sending him on his way.: :I hope you'll do more than thrash that brave's... my butt!: :Yeah. I'm a gonna rape it before sending you on your way!: Jes trembles under me. Not from being scared but wanting me to carrying out my threat. I mouth deeper through his ass until my nose fills with his musky scent. That enflames me. My tongue sticks into the savage's tight hole. Spit is put in him there. I hafta take a breath so I'm pulling back, giving this Indian some more bites to his brown cheeks. He'll return to his tribe covered in love marks along with a filled butt. :What if your father catches you tilling his field with a dripping stick?: Jesse Asks with a giggle. :He won't. He's gone with Ma into town so my tillin' in your butt won't be knowed.: I'm laughing. "Attack me, Pale Face. Use your manly spear instead of thunder-stick!" I'm grunting in response. Jes and I are coming up with a good story line to carry our fantasy along. "Okay, savage. No need to kill yea but you'll wish I had." My face returns to this Indian's butt. I bite over both his cheeks that try strugglin' out of me hands. My nose gets smarted. That enflames me to bite back harder that'll leave marks. He'll return to his tribe shamed by 'um and by me raping it good. My hands force the Indian's cheeks apart and I dive back in. My nose goes in deep. I'm breathin' in his man scent. Such an exciting smell! I tongue his hole. It's musky odor gets stronger and that sends a thrillin' surge through my cock. I'm gonna stick in this savage. After takin' a look around to be sure that we're alone in the field, I slip out of my overalls. Naked, my body presses down over his in warmth. My left hand directs me through his strugglin' cheeks until I'm finding his asshole. My cock sticks in. Deep. What a neat sensation! He groans out in pain. This savage has a tight butt. I'm fucking it hard, my hands pinning his down over the soft ground. Lightnin' thrills build up in me. I wanna prolong my joy of rapin' him but I worry that other Indians might come to his rescue and then it'll be my ass that's taken. That sure would shame me before Pa. Especially if I'm missin' some scalp hair. I better do this savage good and quick. A slapping sound comes from our fucking. I give this Indian lots of thrusts that to my surprise is answered by him backing his butt into me. Yeah... He likes it! I bury my face in his long hair. His eagle feather tickles my neck. "Oh, Mike!" I return to myself in a flash. This isn't a savage I'm raping but Jesse, my lover. I'm shaking my head violently. :Did I hurt you?!: My body tightens up like a wound spring. Unmoving. :No. I'm enjoying you so don't stop!: Breaths are racing through my mouth. I relax my knees to fully lay over Jesse's back. My thrusts continue in his ass but not in the brutal act of rape. I was really thinkin' this was a savage a moment ago, forgetting that we were only acting out a fantasy. :I did that,: Jesse admits. :Your former self first performed as a man in Owopspec's butt right after they escaped from the fort. I reshaped that strong memory in you to get you thinking I was a savage you wanted to take.: I'm left feeling unsettled by what Jesse did. He twisted my thoughts? :I didn't realize that was happening. Don't feel angry at me, love.: A sharp pain fills my stomach. :I'm not mad at you, Jes. Our fantasy just got out of hand, that's all. I'm not ever wanting to take you without there being love between us!: :I'm sorry. My fantasy can never be true where a soldier comes to love an Indian savage he's conquered.: The hurt in my stomach grows stronger. :Likely so, Jes. Yet you gave yourself to Ron in the hope that he'd come to love you.: :His heart had already been taken by my uncle.: :You have my heart!: I do feel love for Running Water, too. Maybe I shouldn't anymore.: :You cannot stop how you're feeling for him and I'm not against it. In a way, it's made our relationship stronger. He's showed you how to be gay like Ron did for me.: I'm not so sure. :Mike. Both those men accepted who they are. To be gay. They showed us that sex between guys is a good thing even if it's done out of bodily need like what Ron and me were doing. The act won't bring about a new life and that's the only thing separating us from a straight couple. Maybe it's a sad thing. No baby will come to us yet we can enjoy the trying whether it's done from mere lust or from love. Guys doing it together won't have to worry about the result. I'm not ashamed for having given myself to Ron. Don't you be ashamed for being with my uncle.: :I'm not, Jes. I've been with him because I do love him.: :Your heart is big enough for us both.: A long pause. :Ron's was.: My eyes widen from what Jesse has Said. I know that he didn't let that man capture his heart but did Ron fall in love with Jes? :I Saw into his heart,: Jesse explains. :Right before he died, he did.: I'm struggling with lots of conflicting emotions. Chris rescues me from them, reminding me about his love for Owopspec and Wind-go-through-his-hair. It's alright for us to love more than one person. The hurt in my stomach goes away. :Love! You're able to accept things now by listening to your former self. Chris was a smart kid. I'm glad to know who he was. Who you've become.: That's the change in me that I'd been dreading. But no more. I'm a better person for it, as Short Hair. In a whisper, "Make love to me?" My heart bursts to do so. I bring my arms around Jes and give a kiss to his long hair. My butt returns to its rhythmic flexing. I'll complete my act in his butt to fill it with all my love. Our hearts are already filled. :This is our expression of bodily love,: Jesse explains. :Don't feel reluctant to enjoy yourself completely. I want this, Mike!: I'm remembering how good it felt to stab in that brave's ass. A sense of power came from it. That's the dark side of love - utter lust. Jesse enjoyed getting raped as if I were that needing farmer's boy clinging to his back. It feels so good... Part of me worries that I'll return to our brutal fantasy. I don't want my cock hurting Jesse! I'm startled when a lamp is turned on over the night stand. A brown arm withdraws from it. :So you can see me.: I know what Jesse means. Brown Bear is looking at me from between the pillows. I don't want him to be angry. I'm lifting myself from my lover's back with my legs folding at his sides. He turns his head around to see what I'm doing. "I want to look at you while our bodies are joined." Jesse nods his head. He sticks his butt up from the bed to keep our bodies together. My hands reach down for his hips and pull over them. With a forward stab, my cock slips in deep until my groin hair presses against his brown cheeks. A sharp thrill comes from it. "That feels good," Jesse utters with a grunt. I push over his little butt with my palms. My cock nearly withdraws from his hole. I'm gasping with pleasure. Jes had tightened its inner muscles to squeeze me. Ahh! My fingers pull over his hips to slip back inside him. I make slow deep stabs through his butt. What a sensation! By squatting over his upper legs, I can watch how I'm fucking this Indian. A meeting of white to brown. Strangely, I don't feel embarrassed by it. What we're doing isn't anything like those two guys in that porn video. They were just having sex. My lover enjoys how my cock feels in his butt, slipping in and out. I'm hearing his moans. This is a wonderful way to show my love for him. We're connected in every way. :Yes, love. Our hearts, thoughts, spirits and with our bodies we are together! I want you to feel tremendous joy as I am.: There's a wet slapping sound coming from fucking Jes. I sure hope no one can hear it. My heated body is frenzied. The sweet thrills are building in my loins that will soon explode out of me. I'm performing as a man and this is a man below me who wants to be taken. He's mine. Oh, I love him so much! "I love you too!" gasps Jesse. My body falls over Jes with a meeting of blazing heat, his back against my chest. I reach for his shoulders that are drowning with his long hair. My hands surge. My dick sticks his butt good and hard. I hear him groaning out. My breath is held, released in a sharp grunt when a warning tingling comes from my balls. Ahh! I'm growling out like a bear when cumming in him. I've never felt such intense pleasure! Jesse cries out in his high-pitched voice. He can feel my strong gushing inside his little butt. Filling it up. My love going to him. We Share this joy... I return to myself. I'm panting against Jesse's back. My eyes open. That had felt tremendous! A kiss is given to my lover that fills my mouth with his hair so I lift myself to a sitting position. My cock is oozing over his left cheek. It's grown limp. How long was I... out of it? I remember how we Share so intensely during sex that I'm sometimes losing myself, usually before I release that denies me that pleasure. Not this time. We're learning how to control our bond much better now. Man! That felt good. :I couldn't help myself at the end.: Jes means how he Pulled me to him after I came. :That's okay. Do you lose yourself too when we're utterly Together?: :No. I didn't realize that was happening to you until after you told me about it. Remember our sitting embrace in your trailer? It was the first time that you could release forward without having your dick stuck down between your thighs. I Pulled you to me but that denied your pleasure when our rubbing dicks came out. I want you to enjoy it.: :I really did this time.: My breaths are returning to normal. I'm looking over Jesse's sweaty back. His hair is a mess. A long black strand of it is clinging to my chest. Looking lower, I find a few of my groin hairs over his cheeks. It's a strange feeling seeing that. How parts of our bodies went to each other during love making. :I'm in awe too, love. Leaving hair on each other isn't unlike how we've left parts of our being in each other.: Jes can really Say how things are. That's his shaman ability to recognize truth. I bring my hands to his little brown butt. I'm wantin' to see what I've left inside it. With careful pulling, his cheeks open to reveal a wet hole. A trembling breath comes out of me. I'm feeling so strongly at this moment for having seeded him out of love; kinda like proof of it. :Do you think that farmer's boy could love that Indian brave he found sneaking in his fields?: Jesse Asks. :Oh, yes. I think he would have. You can come back anytime to get stuck with my 'stick' and I'll gladly fall before your 'tomahawk'.: A surge goes through my butt. Jesse is gonna have his turn taking me for his pleasure. I'm ready for that. A big yawn comes from Jes. He wiggles his butt in a gesture for me to get off his legs. I'm turning onto my back. My lover comes to me, yawning some more. Okay. We'll rest first. I'm enjoying the afterglow of male relief. Jesse's soft head lays over my breast when he falls asleep. He didn't seek his own release - not in a belly rub or to take his turn in my butt. There was no need in him. I'm hoping that before morning comes, he'll complete our mating as a man. Any pain from it will be endured. Chris reminds me that there is also much joy from that act. He was often making love with Owopspec in the early morning. He'd leave their tipi afterwards to fill water skins from the river while neglecting to wear his rear flap. That way, everyone would see how much he was loved by his warrior. The fingers of my right hand tangle in Jesse's long hair. His eagle's feather tickles the back of my hand. This is a real Indian warrior in my arms. Jes is no longer that shy youth I'd met in class. He's mine now. My eyes close to let sleep come. The pleasant odor of burning wood fills my nose. I wiggle my muddy toes closer to the flames in a kind of daring. I'd seen young men prove their bravery by leaping through ceremonial fires while the warriors hooted in encouragement. A giggle escapes my lips. Horse-in-hand had scorched his breechclout when daring to jump through a hell storm of flames just the other night. His friends had put him up to it. That young brave wanted to prove himself and ended up badly singed. His rear flap was smoking. It was pulled away by his father who didn't want his son to burn his ass out of modesty or shame. My giggling ends. I've been named a brave of the Blackfoot. I'm finally recognized as one of them but my white skin (often burned red by the sun) still sets me apart from the People. Good-eyes was proud of me. I'd passed the initiation tests expected of young men yet why wasn't I given an Indian name by the tribal Elders? 'I think Owopspec wanted you to keep your white name out of fondness.' 'Yeah. Maybe. But it has always sounded so dead comin' from the lips of Indians when they addressed me - 'Krist-o-fer'. It don't mean anythin' in Siksika but is a corruption of my Christian name. At least you've been given a proper name, Short Hair.' I'm startled. I look around but only see myself sitting before the fire. A flap of deerskin covers the front of me but nothing for my butt. The dirt feels cool against it. My toes smart from the heat so I pull them back from the hungry flames. Don't wanna get 'em scorched. 'Where are we?' I ask. We both look around but can't place where we're sitting. There's only the fire. No rolling hills, trees, tipis or the river our tribe has settled at. 'What's happening to us?' 'Hmm. Dreamin', I suspect.' I remember falling asleep in bed with Jesse. 'He loves you a real lot.' 'I know.' Guilt fills me for some reason. 'Mike? Try lookin' beyond his brown slim form, Indian hair and that soft accent of his that's such a turn on. See him for what he is. And I don't mean his acting like a shaman with that wise talk of his about serving the People and all. Jesse is still just a kid. He has a wounded heart.' Chris means about Jesse's hurt over his dad. 'I know.' 'He's drawing on you a lot. I See the crafting of his Indian spell that sucks on your strength to keep him out in the real world and to keep him from possession.' Fear squeezes my heart. Chris is warning me about his lover, Owopspec. What Jesse's former self wants to do. A Merging. 'You and I did it. That's ended up to be okay 'cause we're both about the same age and all. Good-eyes was an old man when he died and now that he's Seen something from the Trickster. Well. That's why my lover needs to Merge with your lover but don't you let it happen. Just don't.' 'I don't want it to happen either. Eli Kie killed you. Owopspec is wanting to come out in Jesse to avenge your murder.' 'Maybe. Yet I live again through you.' 'Yeah. Isn't that strange? I am who you were.' 'We have become One so just try an' accept that.' 'I am!' 'Well. It's going to be okay for us. Just heed what I've said about Jesse 'cause he is someone special beyond being an Indian. Get to know him. He's more fragile than you suspect.' I'm awakened by a tickle from my chest. It's Jesse. He's fingering the soft hair around my left tit. A yawn comes out of my mouth that drives sleep from my head. I think I'd been dreaming about him. "Hi..." Jes gives me such a shy look. Before I can ask him about it, he turns his head to rest it over my chest. My right arm reaches around to hold him. I breathe in deeply, it's release blowing through my lover's hair. Someone said something about how I'm attracted to Jesse's hair. It being Indian. That's what attracts me to him - his long hair, slim brown body and his voice. Who told me that? Guilt fills me for some reason. I can't figure out where that comes from. Hmm. Is it because Jes still acts young in his head sometimes, that maybe I am taking advantage of him as if he were a kid? But I'm not. Those who don't understand what's happening between us will say that. Being gay in the tribe is gonna prove to be hard. I only have to look at what Ron and Running Water had to endure in hiding themselves from others. Everyone knew though. Anger fills me. I'm not going to repeat the mistakes Owopspec and Chris had made by hiding their love as if in shame from the Blackfoot. Jes and me are in love. I am not ashamed of that! The hell with what everyone else thinks! Jesse sighs. I clear my head of thoughts when remembering how we both promised to leave troubles outside our bedroom door so that we can have a place for ourselves to be happy. That includes me thinking so much. I'm surprised that Jes isn't scolding me about that. A sly grin comes to my face. I notice that my right hand has wandered down Jesse's back until I'm clutching his butt. It's moist and warm against my palm. I've filled it with love and wanting to get mine filled. "Jes? Are you sleepy?" I notice that the nightstand lamp was kept on while we slept. "No. I like you holding me." He wiggles his butt. My fingers clutch Jesse's bottom. It's so soft. A pleasant tingle goes through my dick when remembering how good it felt to fuck him. Now it's gonna be my turn. I lift my hand to Jesse's hair along his back. My fingers get tangled in its length that reminds me about something I dreamed. I remember now. Chris had spoken to me about trying to see who this person is beyond being an Indian. I Know Jes through our Connection. Hmm. Maybe not everything. "Are you feeling sleepy?" Jesse asks. "No. Not anymore, my love." I hope he'll take that as a hint. "Let me give you a massage." A sharp breath comes out of me. When Jesse lifts himself from my chest, I quickly turn over the bed without letting him see my eyes. I'm feeling a bit afraid of what's gonna happen after my massage. A heavy softness presses down over my butt. I cross my arms under the pillows that causes Brown Bear to fall against my elbow. Jes places the stuffed animal over a pillow, face down. He then begins rubbing over my back. "Why did you do that?" I ask, gesturing towards the stuffed animal. "He's going back to sleep." "Oh." I Sense embarrassment from Jesse. He doesn't want Brown Bear to see him fucking me. I try relaxing to the tending of my lover's hands. Jes palms over my shoulder blades, digging his thumbs into my spine. Not too hard. He slowly works his way down my back and moans come from my mouth. It feels real good. I'm wondering where he's learned to massage. "Ron did that for my uncle before... you know. To help relax him." I didn't know if Jesse was peeking in my head. Now I do. :Did Ron ever give you a massage?: I'm regretting thinking that. :Sometimes.: :It does feel good.: :I've never done this for anyone before,: Jesse admits. "Oh." That word was forced from my mouth. I recall that time in the hot tub with Running Water. He'd given me a massage and I gave that man his turn for pleasure with my hands. An equal thing was given me by exploring his smooth brown body. :They let me watch them being together so that I could see what it meant to be in love,: Jesse explains. :It was more than having sex. Ron showed how much he loved my uncle with massages, hugs, kissing and all that.: :Then they fucked.: Jesse doesn't Answer me. I'm Sensing his deep embarrassment again. At least Brown Bear won't be watching us. I breathe in deeply, enjoying the feel of my lover's hands. I'm hoping that Jes will be a long time at it before he does me. Part of me is scared. Part of me that comes from Chris is eager to get himself taken. A parade of images goes through my head. How Owopspec massaged his back with special tending to his butt, the kisses and love bites to both cheeks and the unbelievable sensation from getting rimmed before getting dicked. What Chris especially liked about 'Indian love' was getting his butt filled. A sly grin comes to my lips. I feel Jesse's soft butt wiggling over mine that has already gotten fucked. I'm gonna get mine taken in 'Indian love' and when Jesse seeds me, we'll both have wet butts coming from our love. I bury my face in a pillow, surrendering myself to Jesse's wonderful hands and what will follow. I awaken from my light sleep feeling totally relaxed. The heaviness is gone from my back. Jesse sits over my legs. He's handling my butt cheeks, leaning down to kiss them. I'm tensing up but force myself to relax. :You have a nice one, Mike.: I feel some conflicting emotions from what he's said. I'm glad he likes my ass. I just hope it isn't gonna hurt a lot when he... Jes opens me for a peek. A thrill shoots through my hole and a thought strikes me. Am I clean in there? :Don't worry, Mike. You took a shower right before dinner. Remember?: I gasp when feeling Jesse tongue through the crack of my ass. He swirls it closer to my hole. I'm trembling. My legs had tightened so I try relaxing them, spreading them over the bed so he can more easily rim me. He begins to. Ahhh! The sensation is hard to describe. It feels real good. A bit weird though since no one has ever done this to me before, not counting that time Running Water showed me that pleasure in the hot tub from the water shooting up my butt. Jesse straightens up over my legs. I hear his sharp breath. He pulls my cheeks apart and dives right back in. Ahhh! I'm really looking forward to when Jes sticks more than his tongue in there. As if reading my thoughts (he did of course), Jesse lowers himself over my back. I feel his hard dick slipping between my cheeks. My butt tightens. My shoulders are grasped with Jes' hands surging, a fucking motion from him beginning in my ass. No pain though. That's when I realize that he didn't stick in. :I want you to get used to this first,: Jesse explains. :What? Your weight over my back or something?: :Uh-huh. I remember Ron doing this for me. After giving me a massage, he laid over my back to rest. I don't think he intended to do anything but when I tightened my butt like you are doing now, he made that fucking motion with his cock between my tight cheeks. It felt good. Before I realized it, he was shooting. He cleaned me up afterwards with such embarrassment on his face.: A thought occurs to me. :Maybe Ron was testing to see if you were willing to get fucked.: :I don't know.: How can't Jesse know what Ron was thinking? He's told me that he has Sensed things in that man before. :I'm not lying to you, Mike. I was so excited by what he was doing in my butt that my thoughts weren't on him. Afterwards, Ron guarded himself. What he was thinking and besides, we weren't touching. I need to do that to pick up on what someone is feeling.: I remember Jes telling me about that. We can Share thoughts because that Power Bundle's spirit Passed into us. Even at a distance. :Does this feel good? What I'm doing to you?: I Sense the seriousness to Jesse's question. His dick sliding through my cheeks is exciting, almost as if he's really fucking me by the way his chest rubs over my back, the rhythmic surging to his hands over my shoulders and his panting to my neck. :Yeah. You did me real good before in that tire swing. Remember?: :Uh-huh. And we had our clothes on then.: :I'm butt naked now.: I lift myself from the bed so Jes can stick in me. His hands tighten around my shoulders. A small push is given to them when he scoots back a little, lifting himself a moment and dropping back down over my back. I feel a hard pressing against my hole. His knob sticks in. Pain! Jesse is already pulling from my butt. "Sorry!" "No," I rasp. "Don't be. Try it again..." After a long moment, Jesse lowers himself to my butt. I'm tensing up when his dick tries slipping in. It hurts something fierce yet I endure it. Jesse sticks me harder and that causes me to cry out. He pulls back. I Hear his thoughts in my head. :You're so tight, Mike. Maybe we should try this some other time.: I'm panting for breath. The pain in my ass isn't going away so I consider what he's said. Jesse squats over my legs. His hands come to my cheeks to try rubbing the pain away. :No. You need to get back on your horse.: I recall my instructor telling me that after I'd fallen off my horse in the practice ring. How afraid I'd been to get back on but she was right. If I didn't get back on my horse, that fear of falling could of kept me from coming to my next lesson and I'd never have learned how to ride a horse. :Okay, Mike. I could tongue your hole some more to get it slippery or try my finger in you first.: :Only your tongue. Alright?: I don't relish getting my hole cut by his fingernail. Jesse pulls my cheeks apart and rims me for a while. I'm slowly relaxing from that neat sensation of his tongue sticking through my hole. He seems to be able to get in me deep but we both know that his dick is another matter. Man! How does Jes manage to fit my big cock in him? :Are you ready?: :Yeah.: Not really. But if we don't try, I know that Jes will never mount me again for fear of hurting me. I'm spreading my legs over the bed. My toes press against something hard. Oh. I remember that it's Winna's fetish bundle. May it give me the strength to endure this. I want Jesse to act as a man with me! With slow careful aiming, Jes directs his dick through my cheeks until the knob of it presses onto my hole. He lifts his left hand to my shoulder. With a firm pull there, his dick enters my butt. It hurts. I grit my teeth when feeling my hole getting stretched open. There's such resistance from it. Ouch! :Stop a moment, Jes. Don't pull out though!: I'm hurting bad. My whole body is trembling and that leaves me feeling shamed. I'm wondering if it was this bad for Chris when he was taken by Owopspec for the first time. An image flashes inside my head of a thick white paste. I smell something sour in my nose. Oh, that's right. Owopspec had used buffalo fat to grease up the boy's asshole before fucking him. Once Chris became used to fucking, only some spit was needed before joining their bodies in Indian love. :Do you have some Vaseline?: I doubt Winna keeps lube in the house. :Will that work?: Jesse Asks. :There might be some in the medicine cabinet. I remember my mom using it on her face.: :I'll go look.: Jesse rolls off my back. I slowly turn in bed and set my feet on the floor. Man! My butt hurts. I block my thoughts from Jes and put on a plain face for him. He lowers his eyes from me when I glance his way. "Don't fall asleep," I scold. He looks down at his dick standing along his belly with shy grin. "It's not asleep." "Good." We both laugh. I'm running for the door when Jesse's thoughts chase after me. :Put some clothes on, Mike!: I rush back to bed and fetch a pair of underwear and my shirt from the floor. They're put on. Jes gives me shy eyes when I peer at him. I turn sideways, wiggling my ass and giving it a slap. :You're gonna to get back on this horse tonight. No matter what.: In the bathroom, I resist the temptation to sit on the pot. I'm not really needing to go as that discomfort I'm feeling comes from getting stuck. Afterwards, I want to keep what Jesse gives me so that we'll go to sleep with wet butts from our love. I look through the medicine cabinet. There's a small jar of Vaseline. The lid is popped off and I finger up a wad. I drop my underwear. Bending over, I reach between my cheeks to stick some on my hole. It's a cold sensation. The Vaseline soon warms up from my body heat and I daringly stick my finger in some. No pain. Oh. That's because it's only a little boy's size compared to the man waiting for me in the bedroom with a hard dick. The jar is returned to the medicine cabinet. I pull up my underwear. As a second thought, I stand before the toilet to take a piss. Muscles tighten in my butt that senses what I've put in it. I sure hope it'll work as well as the buffalo fat Chris used. A wooden floorboard creeks when I make my way down the hall towards the kitchen. I'm keeping my ears out for Winna. Don't want to run into her with only underwear and a shirt on. A grin comes to my lips. She's seen my butt when her husband's overalls I'd been wearing had fallen in the front room. And it's not like she hasn't seen a man naked before. Otherwise, Jesse wouldn't have been brought into the world. I pause between the two bedroom doors. From the right one, there's the faint sound of snoring coming from Winna's room so that assures me that she's asleep. I gently open Jesse's bedroom door. An excitement fills me. This is our bedroom now. I slip into the room. Jesse is sitting over his bed looking at me. Such shy eyes from him. I'm giving him love eyes when making my way towards him. He looks low on me, at my butt. :You found some to put in?: Jesse Asks. :Yeah.: He scoots over to give me a place on the bed. I look down into his lap and with disappointment, notice that his dick has withdrawn into its brown foreskin. He looks down at himself with sad eyes. :It's fallen asleep.: :Not for long,: I Answer. An idea comes to me. I'm getting on my knees to face Jesse. My hands grip his slim shoulders. We look at each other for a long moment. What is my lover seeing in me? I offer him a smile, full of love that I have for this young Indian man. He smiles. Shyly. That reminds me of the time of what would have been our first kiss but I blew it out of fear that he didn't want me to. So much has changed between us since then. I wet my lips, lean my face close to his and we kiss. :Mike! I love you so much that my heart bursts like a water balloon.: :Mine, too.: I pull back to take a breath. Jesse shows such longing on his face for me. It's not a kid's expression. I kiss his lips again to drink of our adult love. When I peer down at his groin, his dick is still limp. Something is going to need to be done about that. I lower my face from Jesse's to plant a kiss on his breast. I'm sucking on both his brown nipples that stiffen between my lips. I hear him moan with pleasure. My mouthing goes lower. His body smells good, a kind of sweaty lime smell that gets stronger in my nose from licking him. I kiss his tummy which tickles him, especially when my tongue darts into his navel. Against my chin, I feel his dick's swift rising. I get it to rub across my face. It leaves a wet trail over my nose, right cheek and my mouth finds the source of his oozing. I swallow his silky knob. Jes gasps. My left hand gently gathers up his balls. I go down further on his dick, enjoying its heated stiffness over my tongue and the sweet taste of it. My lover squirms over the bed. I know that sucking is too tickly a sensation for him to enjoy. I pull my face back. Jesse releases a trembling breath that comes from excitement. I'm looking up into his eyes a moment. Such passion in them! I know he wants me bad. My eyes return to his manhood. It's full of power that will find release inside me. The physical source comes from his balls in my hand. I lovingly kiss each orb. We're about to join ourselves that goes beyond bodily love. The Sharing of minds, hearts and spirits. Jesse gives me a place to lay down over the bed. I spy Brown Bear. His woolen tail is sticking towards me. I turn him around and set him down between the pillows so that he can watch. He's seen us making love earlier. "I'm ready for you, my love." Jesse sits over my butt. His hands go to my back in what I thought was another massage but instead, his kisses roam all over me. He mouths his way down to my butt. I suck in a sharp breath when he reaches it. It's a very tickly sensation to get kissed there. Jes even gives my cheeks some bites that has me squirming over the bed. :Naughty!: :I know you like that. You bit up mine good.: :And stabbed it good, too.: Jesse laughs. I heard the tension in his voice. :The Vaseline will help,: I assure him. :It's still going to hurt a lot.: :But it's going to be a good pain, my love. I want you to fully Join with me as you have given yourself to me. You asked me before why I want you to fuck me.: Jesse waits for me to continue. :I want you to express yourself as a man with me. You've told me that you're two spirited and all. I want to Share in your joy from that part of you that is male. Give your seed to me in this most intimate act of love that two men can perform. I want us to join like a man does to a woman. My butt performs a female role in our love even though I think I'm only one spirited - a man. Be with me with our bodies fitting together however or whatever that means. All I know is that I want this and I know you want this. Be with me this way!: Jes accepts what I've Said without comment. I Feel this. He lifts himself off me and positions his body over mine. They come together in warmth. I prepare myself to be taken by my lover. Brown Bear's legs are sticking towards me. They're grasped tightly when a pain fills my asshole. I'm looking into the stuffed animal's face for a sign that he is happy for Jesse. I am. A glint is seen in Brown Bear's black button eyes. I'm concentrating on them to keep my mind off the pain. :We're together, Mike!: :I know. Ah... Wait a moment so that I can get used to it.: Jesse remains still above me. There's a feeling of discomfort and fullness in my butt that comes from having a dick in it. I'm just barely able to handle the pain. I think about the joy this will bring to my lover. My former lover had such need to fulfill himself as a man with me that I never denied Owopspec. He was my bare butt brave who offered himself to any needing man. And to me. I alone allowed his male expression to come out as I'm doing now for this young Indian man who is of the same spirit of my lover in a former life. Jesse gives me a careful stab. I'm clenching my teeth so that I won't groan out. When he remains still over my back, I dig my knees into the bed to lift myself slightly. My cheeks press against his hairy groin and gets his dick sticking in me deep. There's a brief sense of relief when Jes pulls his dick back. I prevent him from slipping out by backing my ass against him. His hands tighten around my shoulders. Pain comes when he sticks through my asshole. He withdraws, waits a moment then stabs again. Man! It hurts! I'm fearing that I'll be asking him to stop because of the pain. :I can try something,: Jesse Sends, :so it won't hurt you so much.: :What is it?: I don't want him to pull out and only rub his dick through my cheeks. Jesse doesn't Answer me. I'm thinking he has pulled out because the pain from my hole goes away. There's a falling sensation like that comes from jumping from a height. I remember when I jumped off the roof of my garage and would have broken something if not for my hands grabbing hold of the branches to the apple tree that stood near it before I hit the ground. Only my hands were skinned from that stunt. Jesse is stabbing into my butt. I feel his rhythmic motion in my hole but it doesn't hurt much. My eyes are blinking. I can't see. Did he turn off the lamp or something? :No, love. I'm Pulling you to me a little like when we made love on the floor in your trailer.: I remember having lost myself in the ecstasy of Joining our spirits but it had left me without a memory of how I came out in Jesse's arms. :I'm learning how to control that.: :Is that why I can't see?: I'm also noticing how I've lost sensation in my hands. I'd been holding Brown Bear's legs but I can't feel him now. The Pulling sensation in my head lessens. Sight returns to my eyes. I see that I'm still holding the stuffed animal. A painful beat is felt in my ass. Not too bad though. :Is it better now?: Asks Jesse. I feel Jesse's weight over my back, his hands surging over my shoulders and his dick plowing my ass. Breaths heat my neck. I hear the bed creaking a little. :Yeah. It doesn't hurt anymore.: :Good. Remember what happened in my uncle's outhouse when I was sitting on you?: I think back to what Jesse is referring to. I'm startled from my thoughts when sharp thrills go through my dick. Each one coming in beat to each of Jesse's stabs through my butt. Oh. He's Sharing how he's feeling with me. His joy of fucking me. It's a familiar sensation to when I fucked his butt. :Oh, Mike!: I Sense what Jesse is feeling. His dick is getting really intense. I'm backing onto his forward stabs that gives me a little pain. I want to feel that. To know that my lover is really fucking me. :I didn't know it felt so good!: I'm smiling. There's a stiffening to his dick that becomes a real pain in my ass. In the next moment, I hear Jesse crying out. I'm Sharing in that pleasure as if I were coming out too. My ears fill with Jesse's loud breaths. His fingers are digging into my shoulders but they loosen when he realizes they were hurting me. A deep sense of male relief comes over us. I struggle to keep us separated so what happened at my trailer won't happen now. :It won't... Oh. Mike! I did it! I love you so much.: :I love you too, Jes.: He's Pulled himself back so I'm not Sensing anything from him. It was a real struggle for him to fuck me and perform that Sharing trick at the same time. I'm glad that he did it. There was a moment when I was going to beg him to stop doing me because of the pain. It's gonna get better once I'm used to it, I hope. :You will, Mike. Then your butt won't get enough of me!: I'm laughing. I know how much Running Water likes to get fucked that is only surpassed by Jes wanting his butt done. Both those Indians enjoyed Ron sticking them good. I'm surprised that I no longer think badly about that man having been with my lover. :Ron never experienced the joy of giving himself to another.: :Yeah. Maybe he was scared about the pain that comes from it.: I'm beginning to feel really uncomfortable back there. Jes notices. He lifts himself from my back to sit beside me. When I struggle up, he launches his arms around me and I'm brought into his lap for kisses. Lots of sweet ones. I have to pull away. "I've gotta go!" In a rush, I streak from bed and across the room. The bedroom door is flung open. I'm rushing to the bathroom while holding my bubbling butt. I just manage to sit over the pot when a violent release pushes out of me. It's hurts bad! The bathroom door opens. Fear squeezes my heart that it could be Winna. :It's only me.: Jesse switches on the light with a compassionate look on his face. He's in underwear and wears a shirt. Mine are being held in his brown hands. He comes to sit at my feet. "Don't push so hard, Mike." I'm trying not to but it feels like I gotta poop out. Nothing does though. I give Jes a strained grin. He grasps my right leg and rests his head against my knee. I'm a long time sitting on the toilet. Back in bed, we lie side by side while holding hands. The lamp has been switched off. My butt is only aching me a little now. :Thanks, Mike.: :For what?: Jesse doesn't mean about letting him fuck me. :I feel different somehow as if I've grown up after what we did.: I know what he means. :You wear a warrior's feather in your hair. That proves you were already a man for having battled with our enemies.: :Yes. That is so but long before the People came to honor such accomplishments, set an order amongst men by having chiefs or having boys undergo initiations for manhood, what made a man so was how he expressed his love for a mate like I do for you. We stand in that sacred circle of life where our completion comes as human beings through joining. You and me have done so.: I think back to the ceremony grandfather gave us during the drumming. He had asked our Father for His blessings upon our union. He pointed at our heads, our hearts and lastly, he gestured at our loins. :Grandfather knew that we were going to be together in every way even before we did.: :Do you think there are other things he has Seen about us?: I Ask. :I don't know. Visions are a very personal thing. They're not to be shared unless they are intended for others to know and then, the telling is only after the foreseen thing has occurred.: I grasp Jesse's hand real tight. :Yes, Short Hair. My left hand is pledged to you. I'll serve the People with my right hand and together, we'll help bring others who are like us into the Light.: I'm relieved. Jes is confirming that in spite of becoming shaman, I'll still have a part in his life but will the People accept that? :We'll bring them around. You and I are a couple no matter what. My mom and grandfather accept this of us so if we show others that being gay isn't any different than a regular couple when it comes to being in love, they will too.: Jesse slides closer to me with his head resting over my chest. I kiss his nose. :That spirit from the Power Bundle will help,: Jesse adds. :It's been Geased to open the eyes of the People to this truth. :Through some kind of power?: I Ask. :Yes. Inside us now that does more than connect our feelings and thoughts. We won't hide who we are from the others. It will be from our good example that acceptance will come. I want their hatred and fear to blow away like smoke in the wind. Those who share our spirit will also see that there's nothing wrong inside them so they'll be free to find love as we have.: :That's a lot for us to do.: :Yes. It will take a lifetime to accomplish.: :Jes? I hope that I'll not mess things up, if you know what I mean.: :Mind what grandfather has told you, love. Control your fierce emotions by not allowing them too easy a flight from your heart.: I know what he means. I'm quick to anger before considering how it will affect others. Indians don't like seeing strong emotions. That's why Chris was always seen as an outsider by the Blackfoot. Not only because of his white skin but how he acted badly in front of them by his facial displays and ill spoken words. I need to think first and consider others instead of wallowing in my own pain that often comes from me thinking wrong things about people. What had happened between Running Water and me comes to mind. I'm glad that we had a second chance this evening to settle things. :You have taken the next step in understanding my People.: :I want them to like me... like how they thought about Ron. The good things he did for your tribe. I want them to accept me, ah... us, too.: :One step at a time,: Jesse Asks. :Okay.: I'm given a goodnight kiss before Jes settles his head back over my chest. A yawn comes from my mouth. I awaken with a smile on my face. My butt hurts. That's why I'm smiling. A deep sense of completion comes from it. I understand why Jesse gives himself to me that way and why he let Ron... A sharp breath blows from my nose. I'm rubbing over its length in remembrance. That's the part of me Jes finds attractive though I don't think my nose is. A smile returns to my lips. We've joined in a way that other gay couples have to express their love for each other. I needed to see this done between us. To feel it. I want to give myself to my lover that's not through Indian magic with the Sharing of our thoughts or in spirit but to be with him like other normal people. Maybe that's a dumb thing to think but that's how I feel. I'm turning in bed to see if Jesse is awake. Did he Hear me? Two black button eyes peer back at me. Brown Bear is sitting in the place where Jesse was sleeping. I ask, "Where did my lover go?" He doesn't answer. Jesse isn't in the room. Our door is closed. He must have slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom. I'm gonna have to wait. I have a piss hard on and an aching from my butt. Jesse warned me about that last night, not to push too hard least I hurt more. Getting fucked does that. At least for the first few times until I get used to it. I lazily turn onto my stomach. My feet kick the blanket away to expose my butt. I'm no longer virgin back there. That makes me grin. I reach for my pillow and draw it into my arms. My cock begins to rub against the bed. It feels good. I get my cheeks to hump as if my lover is doing me again. My breaths tremble. I'm getting excited from both sides of me. A male expression from in front while a girlish longing comes from the back of my body. Is that what it means to be two spirited? I'm not a woman! I've given my butt to my lover because I'm a gay man. He enjoyed taking it. A lot of pain for me. I hope that in time I'll get used to feeling his dick up my ass. He likes me sticking into his and releasing all my love in him. Fucking is a wonderful act two guys can do together. I'm wantin' to enjoy receiving as much as he. My body flexes over the mattress. I have my face buried in the pillow that makes it hard to breathe, intensifying the sensations from both sides of me. Thrills come from my cock while my butt aches. It's a sweet pain. I'm gonna have to stop least I come out. The pillow is pushed away. Something soft falls against my arm. Oh. It's Brown Bear. I laugh. "You don't have to be embarrassed. I don't mind you watching me doin' it or when Jesse and I, ah... make love." I'm feeling a bit silly. He's only a stuffed animal. Breaths are racing through my mouth. I had been close to it. Now that I have a lover, I'm not needing to do it alone. My sperm can go to him. My cock is feeling intense. I really have to piss! My butt hurts, too. I'm sitting up in bed. Brown Bear is set back in his place between our pillows then I'm grabbing my pants from the floor. :Jesse? When are you getting out of the bathroom!: :I'm not in there.: Giggling. :Is your bottom hurting you a lot?: I Sense Jesse's concern for me. My pants are slipped on and I'm out the door in a run for the bathroom. :Don't push too hard!: Jesse warns. :I'm just needin' to take a piss.: That's a little white lie but Jes probably realizes this. I aim into the pot. A bubbling comes from my butt so I spin over my feet, sit down and push. Ouch! I wipe myself. As a second thought, I drop the toilet paper just under my balls into the pot. I'm carefully getting to my feet. My cock has grown limp, relieved. I turn around and look down. There's a strand of cum just beneath the surface of the water. A thrill shoots down my spine. My butt held more of Jesse's love put in me that didn't all get pushed out last night. I proudly reach back to grasp my cheeks. Mine is a fucked butt. I'm seeing the proof of that in the toilet. :Are you hurting a lot?: Jesse Sends. :No. You must have shot a lot in me.: I'm awe struck. Jesse knows what I mean through our Connection. The toilet is flushed. I watch the water swirling around while a burning comes from my face. :Mike?: :Yeah?: Intense emotions squeeze my heart when Jesse Shares in my awe of what we've done. :I really love you!: :I love you, too.: I'm pulling up my pants. Its coarseness against my butt reminds me that many more nights will be spent together to exchange our love. We truly are a gay couple now. I head back to our bedroom and close the door behind me. Jesse isn't in here. :Where are you?: :I'm with my mom.: A sharp pain stabs my stomach. :Is something wrong?: :No, love. I'll be with you in a few minutes. Wait for me.: I keep my pants on and sit over the bed. Winna's Indian fetish catches my eye. I'm about to reach down for it but stop myself. Jes will know if it's to remain there, be returned to his mom (I'm not thinking so) or put away. I won't mess with it. It's a pretty beaded pouch. Did Winna craft that herself to hold her son's umbilical cord inside? I don't recall the likes of this fetish in Christopher's time with the Indians. He'd seen ones made by the shaman for use in healing, protecting newborns from evil spirits and to Call upon the buffalo's return. I'm sure there's lots of other uses for them like the one in our bed. Chris was only amongst the Blackfoot for three years. He tried learning their ways and might have become accepted by them if his life hadn't been cut short. Eli Kie murdered him. I'm really wanting that man dead. I'm startled by a knock at the door. That can't be Jesse. Before I can Ask anything, he's coming into the room with his mom. I'm conscious of my lack of shirt. At least I have pants on. "Hi." I catch my lover's sly grin. There's something different about his appearance. His face is more open by having his hair pulled back behind him. When Jes turns around, I see that it's been braided in a single length down his back. His eagle's feather hangs from a green ribbon. Jesse isn't wearing a shirt either. My eyes fall low on him. What a nice butt. I remember that he's accompanied by his mom so I tear my eyes away from my lover in embarrassment. He returns to facing me. I notice that his tits are a lighter brown than the rest of his chest. A nice Indian color. I'm smiling when he gives me a big grin. So. That's the secret he'd hinted to me yesterday about me seeing a change in him. His mom braided his hair this morning. My eyes go to her lovingly. She's wearing good clothes. Does that mean she's getting ready to go to work? Ah, no. I remember that we'll be going into town today. "Good morning," says Winna. In Siksika: "Morning to you, mother." She Looks at me in an Indian way. The woman shyly comes to my bed. I'm looking to Jesse to see what's going on here. His mother sits down beside me. Winna takes a deep breath. "Mike. I don't regret announcing at the meeting that I consider you my son. You've helped bring Jes-ee-ah out of himself." Another deep breath. "Since then, the two of you endured danger to return a sacred bundle to the People. I have been told that its spirit has come into both of you, making a strong connection of your lives. This is proof of our Father's blessings on your union." The woman glances at her son. "I have seen the happiness that you've brought to Jes-ee-ah. It has made him whole. It hasn't been easy for me to accept this other thing going on between you. My son says that he... loves you. He says this as a man so I will not stand between you." The woman's voice grows stronger. "Mike. You will not block the path Jes-ee-ah is to walk behind our shaman. That path of Light. It is for the good of our People." I've been watching Winna's face whilst she was speaking. It's a very guarded face plain of emotion. Now, I see concern blaring there. She expects me to offer assurances. "Mother. We are to serve the People. Together. Your son's right hand will go out to them. His left hand, pledged..." I swallowed saying 'to me' since she already knows this. My eyes fall from hers after speaking grandfather's vision words. I notice the cut wound across my left tit that has closed. "It is healing well?" asks Winna. "Yes, mother." I look at the similar wound Jesse bears on his breast. "There are other wounds that are healing. Those inside us." My voice was very soft yet I know she's heard me when her eyes flare. "Grandfather has told me. I want you to know that I do consider you to be my son, Mike. I'm here for the both of you... and..." The woman's voice breaks up. I turn to give her a hug. A long one. "Go take a shower," Jesse gently asks. I peer up at my lover. :Will you join me?: :I've already showered this morning. So has my mom. Go take yours then we'll go into town.: I'm nodding my head in reply. Winna gets up from the bed and heads for the door. Before leaving the room, she looks back at me assuringly. Winna drives us into town. I was surprised to learn that I'd slept late this morning. I'm glancing at my watch. It's nearly eleven. Jesse squeezes my left hand so I turn to him with a grin. Our eyes meet. Love bursts in my heart to see the beauty of this young Indian both from outside of him and inside. We really are going to be together. His mother's approval has lifted a heavy burden from our shoulders. "Where should we go first?" Winna asks. She makes a right turn into the heart of town. "I need to go to the bank, buy some clothes from Wal-Mart and change my driver's license over to Montana." The woman nods slightly. "My title company is across from the bank." I'm Sensing something strong from Jesse after what his mother said. She isn't going to get his father into trouble; only ensure that he can't take more money out of their house. "Mom? What he did to us was wrong." Winna releases a harsh breath. "I'm going to find out if he only took out his half of the house's value," she explains. The rest of our ride is in silence. My thoughts are being guarded from Jesse. I don't want him to know how angry I am at his dad for doing what he did. He's not entitled to even half of the house since I doubt he's been paying child support to his wife since running away. I'm not Sensing anything from my lover. He's guarding himself too. My glances at him reveal nothing about how he's feeling. He sits like a stone. An Indian's stoic mask on his face with eyes forward. I can understand why. He's hiding the deep hurt inside him from his mom. Hmm. Someone told me how fragile Jesse is. Was it his grandfather? Winna turns into a shopping plaza and parks the truck. :Come with me to the bank. Okay?: I don't want Jes going with his mom to the title company. "Mom? We'll meet you back at the truck," Jesse asks. "Alright." Winna gets out and locks her door. Jesse pulls on the door handle when closing it to ensure that it'll remain locked. We watch the woman head across the parking lot. I look up at the clear blue sky. The sun is shining brightly on my face that proves Spring has finally come. It's very warm. I didn't need a jacket to wear and couldn't find mine in the house. It must have been left at my lawyer's. Oh. We're going to be seeing him today at two. I'm hoping we'll have enough time to shop and eat lunch before going to Chinook. We walk towards the bank side by side. I'm tempted to reach down for my lover's hand. A woman with two kids being pushed in a shopping cart stop behind a blue Toyota Corolla. The young boy (he couldn't be older then ten) yips out like an Indian. Jes gives a Siksika greeting with a grin yet the kid's mom scolds him, averting her eyes from us in embarrassment. :She didn't have to do that.: I turn to Jesse and shrug my shoulders in reply. We wait for a car to pass by then cross over to the sidewalk. I'm looking up at a sign: 'Northern Plaza Savings'. The bank looks rather small next to the 'Havre All-Star Video' store. More people are passing through its doors. After entering the bank, I ask a guard whom to see for new accounts. He sends us in the right direction. We sit at a desk where a woman greets us. Her name is Mrs. Wong. She appears to be Chinese. I explain to the woman that I want to transfer money from my bank in Indianapolis to a new account with this bank. I'm bringing out my check book but am unsure how much I have. I tell her this. "Will you be closing that account?" asks Mrs. Wong. "No... I have written some checks that need to clear." I'm remembering the $10,000 check I'd given to my lawyer and there's a VISA card bill that automatically deducts from my account each month. I'd purchased clothes and a vacuum cleaner using that credit card earlier this month. Then there's that air flight ticket I'd stupidly purchased on-line. "You can call your bank," suggests Mrs. Wong. "They'll give you your current balance that you can subtract from what you've paid out by checks." "Okay." Jesse sits like a stone in the chair next to me. I flash him a reassuring grin. The woman has a form for me to fill out. I'm listing Winna's address for my own. Employment: 'Computer programmer'. That's not true any more but I can't think of anything else to answer that question. Hmm. Maybe I should have put down that I'm a teacher. Maybe Miss Owens will let me teach more computer classes after this trouble blows away. After providing some other personal information such as my birth date and SSN#, I return the form to Mrs. Wong. "May I ask, Mr. Yager, if you plan on living in Montana?" "Huh? Ah, yes. I'm going to be living in Havre from now on." "Then may I suggest that you transfer most of your funds to our bank but maintain a balance with your old account to ensure that your outstanding checks will clear?" "That's what I'm gonna do." Mrs. Wong reaches for the phone. She dials an eleven digit number that has me realizing that she's calling long distance. After confirming that she's reached my bank in Indianapolis, I'm handed the phone. I explain that I'm needing my current balances for checking/savings. The bank's operator transfers me to an automated system. I enter my account number and password by pushing buttons on the phone. :They won't talk to you, Mike?: :No need to. Everything's automated these days. If my laptop was working, I could of used it to display my balances on the screen.: I'm handed a pad of paper and pen by Mrs. Wong and use it to write down two amounts. There's $4,613 in checking and $137,784 in savings. I'm realizing that I'd forgotten to transfer money from savings to cover that $10,000 check. My bank will automatically transfer necessary amounts from savings to cover my checks but I'll be charged a fee of five bucks for each one. I press more buttons on the phone. Done. Everything's in checking now. I hang up the phone. I'm staring down at the figures and come up with a nice rounded amount. "I want to open both a checking and savings account with your bank." Mrs. Wong nods. "Checking is free when you maintain at least $2,000 in that account. The minimum balance to open a new savings account is $100." "That sounds good." I'm writing a check out for $100,000 and hand it over to the woman. Her eyes flare for a moment. "I didn't know who to make the payable out to. Is it 'Northern Plaza Bank'?" "Yes. I have a stamp for that," she answers. "How much do you want to keep in checking?" "Hmm. Let's put $40,000 there and keep the rest in savings." I'm planning on buying a new pickup truck, a desktop computer for Jesse and money to help Winna with her mortgage payments. "Your savings account earns only 2.25% interest," hints Mrs. Wong. "How much is a CD paying now?" I ask. "With a minimum $10,000 balance, the rate is 2.8% for three months. It's higher for a longer term like a year - 3.1% fixed." I know that money put into a CD can't be removed least you lose all the interest earned on it as a penalty. Hmm. I'm not ready to decide how much money I can tuck away for half a year or more. The interest rate isn't that impressive either. Another thought strikes me. I look at Jesse. "I'd like to put him on the account where either of us can draw on it." "Okay. I would recommend that withdrawals require two signatures..." :No, Mike! I don't want to have your money.: :You're only being given access to it in case something happens to me.: "... on your friend's part," suggests Mrs. Wong. "I'll need his social security number." :I didn't bring my card with me. I don't know my social security number.: I'm releasing a loud huff. :Okay, Jesse. We'll talk about this later.: I face the woman. "Can I arrange this at a later time? And I'd want him to be able to make withdrawals without my signature. Could that be set up?" "Yes, it can. It's going to take up to ten business days for your money to become available to you anyway unless you need it now. We could arrange for a wire transfer to this bank." "No... I can still write checks on my old account." "Have you left enough money in your bank after opening this account?" I'm nodding my head. I've left more than $30,000 in checking. That amount can be transferred later to this bank after all my ties to Indiana have been broken. Wow. I really am gonna be living in Montana with Jesse and his mom. No more computer work from Dianne. I'm not regretting that but I'll miss seeing my friends and going over to my parent's house on the weekends. "I'll be right back, Mr. Yager." We watch the woman get up from her desk with my application and enter an office. Jesse peers at me. :It's enough that you'll be helping out my mom.: :We're a couple, now. I just wanted you to share in everything I have.: My eyes are pleading with him. :Mike. You've already given me everything that I want.: I'm given an air blown kiss from Jes. I look around. No one saw that so I return airmail my kiss to him. Mrs. Wong hasn't returned yet. I'm not ready to dismiss what we've been Talking about out of hand. I swallow nervously in my throat. :What if I'm sent to prison? I'd want you to have this money to help you and your mom out.: :Let me think about it, Mike.: Anger fills me. :That's what your mom says when she doesn't want to say 'no' even though she means that.: :I really need to think about it. Okay? That bank lady said you can put me on the account later.: Jesse gives me a pained expression. That's when I realize my face is burning from anger. I take a deep breath, release slowly to calm myself. :I am sorry, Jes. I shouldn't be telling you what to do.: :That's right. You shouldn't. We're a couple now but there are some things that should be kept separate. I don't want something stupid like money to cause trouble between us. It had, for my mom and dad.: I'm scolding myself. That's why Winna is at her title company and why I didn't want Jesse going with her because he'd be hurting over it. How much did his dad take out of the house? If it's a lot, would she be willing to take legal action against her husband? but that would hurt her son even more. :Maybe if she did, he'd return to Havre. I could see him.: My shoulders slump. I didn't hide my thoughts well enough from him. :Jesse? If your father was forced to come back, he'd be too shamed to wanna see you.: My lover drops his head to his chest. I see him shutting his eyes tight as if to prevent tears. I'm rushing to give him a hug. :I want to see him!: :I know, Jes. There must be some love left in his heart for his son that will bring him back. Be patient. He can't be forced to see you, otherwise...: Mrs. Wong has returned. I release Jesse and sit up straight in my chair to face the woman without shame. "Ah, Mr. Yager. Sign here, please." I'm handed a pen and the application form. The woman is beaming. We're waiting by the pickup truck for Winna. I notice Jesse's uneasiness when he looks towards the title company every so often. He's hoping that she isn't going to tell them what her husband did. Jesse's eagle feather dances along his back. I'm noticing again the green ribbon that it's tied to. Owopspec had worn green face paint and adorned his arms and legs with braided vines when he came to fetch me from the fort. I think that green ribbon is significant in the same way my Indian brave presented himself to me at the gate. Ah. To who I was in the past as Chris. Jesse is looking at me with a peculiar look his eyes. :My mom tied that eagle's feather to my hair. She chose that color from amongst the many spools of ribbon she keeps in her sewing basket.: :Does she realize the significants of that color?: I Ask. With my head nod, Jesse Pulls that memory of Owopspec wearing green from my head. That's how he pledged himself to Chris. And later, in the woods after they made love, that Indian brave unwrapped a braided green vine from his arm to wrap around my arm. He rubbed off some of his green face paint to draw lines over my face. I, ah... Chris felt bound to him in some Indian way from it. :I don't know if my mom chose that color on purpose.: Jesse turns from me when noticing my eyes looking past him at his mom. Winna strides to us with a large yellow envelope under her arm. Silently, she unlocks the door to her pickup and gets in. Our door is unlocked from the inside. I'm feeling tension coming from my lover. We get into the truck. Winna smiles assuringly at her son then hands the yellow envelope over to me. "Mike. I plan on making arrangements with the title company to put you on the deed to my house." My stomach hurts me. "No. You don't need to do that!" The woman nods in defiance to what I've said. "My husband... uhm. He cashed out nearly half of what our house is worth and he also signed something that deeded the property completely over to me." I'm shaking my head back and forth. Winna turns to her son. "Jes-ee-ah? It's alright. I don't like what your father has done without my knowledge but he did give me the house. There's no way he can take more money out of it. With Mike's help, we're not going to lose it." I'm sensing disappointment from Jes. Some fear, too. Winna looks at me. "Since you're going to be helping me with the payments, I want you to be on the deed..." "I'm not gonna let you do that." "Please listen, Mike. It's only fair that you be given part ownership of the house based on how much you pay into it. That's only fair." She looks at her son with concern. "We'll talk about this later." Winna's dark eyes come back to me. I realize that she isn't going to take 'no' for an answer. Well. I could tell her that 'I'll think about it'. Winna starts her truck. She peers at me for a moment to read my face. I'm still shaking my head. "Mike. I want you to consider this as an investment for you. The bank isn't going to pay you much interest on your money. The interest on my mortgage payments is much higher. Wouldn't it be smarter to put some of your savings into my house instead? They told me that I'm paying $76 in interest on my $980 monthly mortgage payment. That means only $904 is going towards the principle." What she's been telling me makes sense, almost surprising me by how business like she can be. I'm curious about something. "What is the remaining balance owed on your house?" Winna glances at her son for a moment. "It's nearly $86,000." A decision comes to me. I'm about to tell Winna when there's a sharp emotion coming from Jesse. He bursts into tears. "Jes-ee-ah?" the woman asks. "What's wrong?" I know what it is. I'm bringing Jes into my arms and hear him sobbing. Tears fill my eyes too. Winna looks at me with much begging in her eyes. "He doesn't think his dad will ever see him again." "Oh, Jes-ee-ah. Don't think that." Winna grasps her son's left arm. I'm given an impression of something the woman has discovered at the title company. My eyes widen with surprise. I breathe in noisily through my nose, face Winna and mention what I've learned from her. "We can try finding out where his dad is living through his attorney." The woman gasps with surprise. "Ah. That's true, Jes-ee-ah. He met with one to arrange the paperwork. We'll go see him. He may know where we can find your father." "But he... won't want to see... me!" :You don't know if that's so. Give your dad a chance, my love. He did the right thing by deeding the house over to your mom.: :But he had to do that because he took his half of the money out of it.: :No, Jes. He could still have kept his name on the title.: :Don't you see? That's my dad's way of saying that he's really left us. Permanently. I'm not ever going to see him again.: :Don't believe that! We'll find out where he is and... give him a chance.: Jesse isn't sobbing against my chest anymore but his tears continue to fall. My face is also wet. The grief my lover is feeling flows out of me too. "Maybe we should go home," asks Winna. I'm feeling sad about that. This was supposed to be a fun day for us. Jesse lifts his head up. Tears are swimming in his eyes but he's not fallen back into himself. "No. Your son is alright," I assure his mother. "He's not going to fall sick. Those are tears that are needing to come out. It's okay." "Jes-ee-ah?" asks Winna. "I'm okay, mom. Really." Jesse gives me a weak grin. I squeeze him in my arms and wipe his tears away. He runs his fingers down my face to dry it. Winna looks at me. I'm nodding my head to assure her that everything is alright now. Winna mouths her thanks to me. Our eyes meet with an understanding coming between us. Jes-ee-ah is her son but my role in his life is acknowledged. We're both going to take care of him. After exiting the plaza, Winna takes the main street through town. I spot railroad tracks on our right side. I remember reading about Havre being a major through fare for train freight in northern Montana. That's what had put it on the map. I'm turning to Jesse. There's a blank expression on his face and that's when I realize I've not been Feeling anything from him. :Jesse?: I Send. A sharpness comes to his eyes. I'm groaning out. He's Pulling strength from me but it's never been this strong, almost as if he's wrenched a tomahawk from my thong belt to fling at an enemy I've failed to see. I'm feeling faint. Tiny stars dance at the edge of my sight so I gulp in a breath of air. That helps clear my eyes. Jesse sits up straight next to me. There's a strange expression on his face I can't read but only for a moment. I'm Sensing his feelings again. One of calm. That doesn't explain what just happened so I Ask him. :I'm better now, love.: :You weren't falling back into yourself?: :No. Did it hurt you... what I took?: :It wasn't pain, Jes. You took a lot out of me that left me faint. I'm feeling better now.: "Do you know where you want to eat after we go shopping?" Winna asks. "Where do you suggest?" It's my treat. I want to take them to a place where they'll like the food. "Denny's is near Wal-Mart," suggests Jesse. "They have good eats." :'Good eats' Jes? You really want to go there?: :My dad took me there once. I liked the sandwich I ate. It had turkey, ham, tomatoes and bacon between layers of toasted bread.: :That's called a club sandwich. Would your mom like to eat there?: "Have you two decided yet?" asks Winna with a knowing look on her face. "Would you like go to Denny's?" I ask, "or you can suggest somewhere else to eat." Winna flinches. "Jes-ee-ah? When did you go to Denny's?" "Four years ago on my birthday." In a mere whisper, "Dad took me." Winna gently nods her head. She concentrates on driving and doesn't say anything more. We park at Wal-Mart. I'm surprised by all the cars in the lot. A glance at my watch tells me that it's only a little after noon time. Don't any of these people work? Then I'm noticing that it's mostly moms with their kids. Few men are seen. A smile comes to my lips. While husbands are earning the money, their wives are spending it here. It's too bad that I didn't buy stock in Wal-Mart some years ago. I'd be a millionaire right now. Winna gets a cart. Jesse walks close at my side and I'm finding it difficult not to hold hands with him. :But we are, love.: Yes. We are always together so there's no need for a physical assurance of our love yet I wish that guys like us could express our affection as straight couples do in public. :Mike. I feel your need to show everyone that we're a couple.: :Yeah. Is that so wrong?: We're passing the shoe department. My eyes fall upon two teenagers with the girl trying on some shoes. Her boyfriend is kneeled before her to help slip the left high heel onto her foot. The look in their eyes. Him smiling at her and the girl's happy glee. Anyone seeing them would know that they're a couple and accept their relationship. :That's what we're going to do,: Jesse Sends. :The movement towards accepting gay relationships has already begun in cities like San Francisco and New York. With you at my side, we're going to bring a truth to the People that what we feel for each other is the same as that teenaged couple. That there's no shame in guys like us to feel love and that there's nothing for anyone to be afraid about or to hate.: I notice Winna's eyes on us. "I need to get jeans and some shirts." Jesse looks around for the men's department. His mom gestures that she knows where to go and we follow her. Our shopping cart is getting filled. I'm purchasing three pairs of jeans (sized 28 that proves I've been losing weight likely due to all my worrying) along with five shirts. I still need to find a belt and get some underwear. I'd lost most of my clothes that were left in my trailer. Winna whispers something to Jesse that I didn't catch. The woman strides off leaving the cart with us. :She's going to the bathroom.: :Good. This is my chance to get some underwear without her fussing over which brand I should buy.: :She wouldn't have done that, Mike.: :My own mom would have if she were here even though I'm all grown up.: Jes grins. He knows what I'm talking about. Two packages of briefs are put into my shopping cart. Jes and I smile to each other from our fond memory concerning underwear. I'll have new ones to get 'wet' in. We begin searching the men's department to find belts but I don't wander too far from where Winna had left us. :I think there's some over there,: Sends Jesse. We're passing a rack of caps and bandannas when I hear someone call out to Jesse. It's a fat Indian wearing sunglasses and a red bandanna wrapped around his forehead. "Hi," answers Jesse. "How you doing?" the man asks in Siksika. "I'm hanging..." A wry grin crosses my lips. I study this Indian some more. He's about my height but sports a beer belly. I'm noticing the alcohol on his breath. He wears his hair in a long braid like Jes does. Turquoise is in evidence in silver rings worn on most of his fingers and in wrist bracelets like I've seen Running Water wear. "Who's your pale shadow?" the man asks in a low voice. "This is Mike Yager. He's staying at my mom's house." "He's the guy I heard tell Winna introduced at the last meeting?" I'm offering this man my right hand to shake when saying in Siksika, "That's me. You can call me Short Hair." "Whoa. You can talk the talk, eh?" I'm nodding my head. The man shakes my hand. "I didn't get your name." "Everyone calls me Mister Blazing Saddles from the way I tear up the road with my iron horse. Ha!" He rides a train? :No, silly. Bill Swimming-river rides a mean looking hog. That's a motorcycle in case you didn't know. He's part of a biker's club.: I'm smiling at my lover. :You sure are full of surprises, Jes. I never heard you talking this way when your mom's around or in my presence.: "Hey! You're the guy that all the protests were about. Right?" I'm nodding. "Man! You're a target in this town from what I'm hearing. The cops have it in for you." In a low voice. "Do you know who did that cop in the hospital? They say he was found with a flint blade stuck in his throat." I'm getting very uncomfortable by what this man is saying. I can't tell him anything even though Jes and I think it was Eli Kie who 'did' Danielson in the hospital. "Jes-ee-ah..." I turn to see Winna taking hold of her son. Her eyes flare at me in warning before leading Jesse away from this man. Bill chuckles knowingly. "She knows I'm bad news. Say, Mike. Is it true that you're going to be adopted into our tribe during the big meeting tonight?" "I hope so." "Don't get me wrong but... For a wanna be, at least you can talk like an Indian. You're pretty good. Who'd you learn from?" I'm grabbing hold of my cart and begin turning it around. "I have to go. It was nice meeting you." "Sure. Go chase after momma." I'm not sure what Bill meant by that. My cart is sped away in the direction Winna and Jes had gone. I find them waiting for me in the shoe department. The woman is shaking her head. "I am sorry about that. Bill Swimming-river is, well, part of a motorcycle gang. His kind gives the rest of us a bad name." "Oh." :Mister Blazing Saddles is a bad dude,: Jesse adds. :I think he's okay if it weren't for all the drinking and fighting he does.: :How do you know so much about him?: :Ron told my uncle about him early last year. Bill had brought it to his attention that there was a Native American skull on display in a bar that he and his friends were drinking at in Flatwillow. They threatened to tear up the place if that skull wasn't returned to the People for a proper burial. Ron was going to look into it.: I recall reading something about that in Ron's diary. "Mike. Are you ready to check out yet?" asks Winna. I can tell that she wants to leave the store. I'm nodding in reply even though I didn't get a belt. Winna finds a place to park at Denny's. A glance at my watch tells me that we'll just have time to eat before heading for Chinook to meet with my lawyer. I had hoped to get my driver's license transferred over to Montana but that will have to wait for another day. We settle into a rounded booth with Winna at one end and me at the other. Jesse is between us. The young woman who escorted us through the restaurant hands us menus. She introduces herself as Lynn. From her long black hair, dark skin and other Indian features, I think she's Blackfoot. :Actually, Mike. I think she's Cheyenne. You can tell by her nose.: I'm drawing on Christopher's memories that confirm this. Yup. She bears a strong resemblance to a young squaw by the name of Soft Walking Moccasins who'd been purchased into marriage by his tribe's chief. She was from a Cheyenne tribe they'd struck a peace treaty with. Lots of us white folk think that squaws were carried off from their tribes during war and forced into marriage by enemy warriors. Chris never heard about that. I get the impression from him that if a woman had been stolen away from her tribe, she'd try to escape her captors, likely cutting off her new husband's dick on their honeymoon before taking flight back to her tribe. Jes and I exchange sly grins. "Are you ready to order?" asks the waitress. I look at Winna but Jesse speaks right up. "I'll have a club sandwich, please." "With fries?" Lynn asks. :Go for it, Jes. You really need to put some meat on your bones.: "Okay. I'll have them." "Anything to drink with that. A Coke?" "Just water, please." Jesse sure uses that 'magic word' a lot. Winna is still studying her menu. I address our waitress. "The same for me, please but I'd like a glass of milk when the meal arrives." All eyes turn to Winna. In a low voice, "I can check back if you need more time." "No... no. I'm ready to order. Uhm. I'll take the chicken salad, please." Now I know where Jes gets his good manners from. "Anything to drink with your meal, Ma'am?" "Do you have iced tea?" "Yes, we do." Lynn waits a moment to see if there's anything else we'd like to order. She finishes writing on her order pad then takes off. I'm noticing how crowded Denny's is. Mostly older white folk. The waitresses darting about are a mix of white, black and Native American. All of them are young women. :She is rather pretty,: Jesse remarks. My eyes widen in surprise. I glare at my lover. :In a sisterly sort of way. What were you thinking I meant?: :As if you don't know!: We both laugh. "Please. We're about to eat a meal," Winna scolds. "I'm sorry, mom." "Me too, Winna. We also shouldn't be Talking past you with closed mouths." I'd said that in Siksika because it's a better way to apologize to her and in case someone overheard. Jesse's special ability must be kept a secret. Mine too now, I realize. We wait for our meal in silence. I know that if this were Winna's dinner table, there'd be no talk allowed until after the meal and then, it would be away from the dinning room. It's difficult to remain silent when the food hasn't been brought yet. I take turns glancing at Jesse, his mom and the waitresses that pass by. We're not close to a window for me to look out. I glance at my watch out of nervousness. "I'll drive you to Chinook right after we eat," assures Winna. I'm nodding my head in silent reply. I dread seeing Mr. Talbert because it means a return to all the trouble I'm in. I've been enjoying this time with Jesse. We've had what, two days together by hiding in his mom's house? I'm interrupted from my thoughts when Lynn approaches with our meal. Winna is given a chicken salad. Jes and I are given club sandwich plates heaping with French fries. I'm reaching for the bottle of ketchup. "I'll be right back with your drinks," says Lynn. Jes gestures for me to pour out some ketchup on his plate. I do so. Our waitress returns, setting down the iced tea, a glass of water and my milk on the table. "Thank you, sister." I'd uttered that to Lynn in Cheyenne by drawing on Christopher's memories. He'd learned some words to speak from Soft Walking Moccasins as they'd become friends in the tribe from their shared plight of being outsiders to the Blackfoot. "Uh. Thank you, sir." Lynn hurries away with a flushed face. Winna glares at me. Jesse does too so I Send him what I'd said to Lynn. Turning to his mom, "He was just thanking that woman in her language." "Ah. That was nice of you, Mike." I notice Winna's uneasiness in spite of making that 'nice' comment to me. "Mike? I know that you are new to this town so let me tell you how things are around here. Please don't take this the wrong way." Winna wets her lips. "We are proud of our Native heritage but it's not flaunted in places that are... well, white establishments such as this restaurant. We don't want to call attention to ourselves that we're not, ah. Not Americans." I stare at Winna, stunned by what she's said. My eyes fall on Jesse. "Isn't your son an American citizen. Aren't you?" "Yes," Winna whispers. I'm shrugging my shoulders. Jesse isn't Sending me anything but looks to his mom to explain what's going on here. "Mike. You are aware of the bad history between the U.S. Government and Native American Peoples. This was our land before they came and took much of it away from us. They tried to Americanize us. Our children were put into schools where it was forbidden for them to speak their Native languages and their parents were forbidden from practicing their religious beliefs or pursue the old ways. It was your, ah, the Government's attempt to wipe out our Native heritage." I'm sadly nodding my head in understanding. I recall my history of when Indians were forced onto Reservations. "All that's changed now. Hasn't it? Your land has been returned to you. Some of it anyway. You've returned to your proud heritage of having powwows, practicing your religion and beliefs and just being who you are. Your rights as people have been returned." Jesse stares down at his plate. Winna glances at her son a moment then fixes her dark eyes on me. I see much sadness in them. "It's hard to explain, Mike." I think Winna is trying to tell me that it's still Them versus Us. In a low voice, "I want to understand, mother. I know that there's a lot of bad history between us but aren't things changing for the better? White people like Ron Earlman helped your tribe to regain land that was stolen from them, have the remains of your ancestors and sacred belongs returned to them. Many of us feel bad for what happened to the Indians over a hundred years ago." "Still happening to us," Jesse mutters. I only have to look at the trouble I'm in to know what Jes means. There are still white folk such as Miss Thomas who stole parts of their culture by collecting Indian artifacts and using men like Officer Danielson to help her accomplish this. Our waitress returns to our table. "Is everything alright?" she asks. Winna, Jesse and me look down at our untouched plates. I nod at Lynn without meeting her eyes. She checks on her next table of patrons. I turn to Winna and speak in Siksika, "Mother. I now have my feet in both worlds. With much sincerity, humility and a full heart, I ask that you and Jes-ee-ah help keep me from falling." "We will do that, Short Hair." Winna smiles at me along with her son. I reach down for a French fry and bite down on it. The rest of our meal is in silence. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of file: NEWLUV14.TXT The story continues in: NEWLUV15.TXT