**************************************************************************** * "NEW TO TEACHING LOVE" * * (part 2) * * by Vince Water November 4, 2004 * **************************************************************************** | Copyright 2004-2006 by Vince Water Corrected 4/06 | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jes is rushing through the kitchen while I'm dragging my feet. My stomach hurts. I'm not looking forward to facing my parents again. My lover isn't either. He's forgiven my mom for what she said to him last night on the porch but I Sense his unease. Anger fills me. She had better be on good behavior or I'm gonna explode! :Mike! Please forget about last night. Your mom said she was sorry.: :Yeah... but those were only words she spoke. I don't think she's really sorry. Running Water told me that us white folk are always apologizing for something. He said that it's for the wrong thing and after it's too late to make it right.: :My uncle is such a sour puss,: Says Jesse. :Your mom was really upset last night. She's worried about you so I forgive her hasty words. You need to as well, love.: Jes squeezes my hand in assurance. He's pulling me towards the dining room and lets go when faces turn in our direction. Grandfather is sitting at the left end of the table. He looks tired, reminding me of his vigilance over us during the night. Winna is in her usual chair close to the kitchen. She's looking anxious. My parents are sitting between them with morning's light shining through a window behind them. I didn't notice there being a window there before. Mom's smiling face catches my attention. She's smiling? That doesn't put me at ease because it's in contrast to how she felt last night. I'm not Gleaning anything from her as much as I'd want at this moment. 'Sit,' gestures grandfather with the sweeping of his right hand. I've been standing like a stunned deer before a car's oncoming headlights. My chair is pulled back from the table and I drop down into it. Jes takes his seat on my right close to his mom. Six candles are lit in the center of our table. The flames set a somber mood for our gathering. Grandfather bows his head in prayer. Winna and Jesse do the same followed by my parents. I clasp my hands in my lap and pray. Not in words unto Him but an emotional plea that everything will work out today. Winna tears three fried breads in half and passes them around the table. I glance at mom. The cheery expression on her face doesn't seem right to me. I look at dad. His eyes are cast down at his plate. I'm struck again by how old he looks from when last I saw him. He's suffered a stroke. In spite of his assurances that he'll recover from it, I have my doubts. Mom said he has something important to tell me. He didn't get the chance last night so I expect to learn what that is today. Could he be dying? A large bowl is handed me from Jes. It's filled with a meaty gravy to top our bread with. I'm ladling some onto my plate. This is the same meal I was served that first night Winna had invited me over for dinner. It's what she'd prepared last night for my parents. A sly grin comes to my lips. My parents had rudely left last evening before she could serve it so we're eating this for breakfast. Her way to remind them of that? I have to rise from my chair to pass the bowel to grandfather. Our eyes meet. I see compassion in him mixed with weariness that comes from more than old age. I'm nodding my head in respect to this Elder. He's managed to escape death at the hands of those soldiers who attacked our camp. How much longer will his old bones remain on our Mother? No. That was Chris remembering Owopspec's grandfather who fell in battle. I'm falling back heavily into my chair. :What's wrong, love?: As I turn to him, I'm feeling out of place. We're sitting at a table? My eyes sweep over the faces of my parents who don't look right to me. The candles are flickering. I focus on my lover's face that appears too young. No. He's not Owopspec. This is Jes-ee-ah. :I Sense something odd from you, love. What is it? What's wrong?: I'm wetting my lips. Instead of words, I cast my thoughts at my lover. :It's nothing. Well. There are times when I'm losing my place in... time. My former self looks through my eyes and he doesn't recognize what's going on around him. Like my parents, for instance. We know, ah. I know they are my mom and dad but Chris doesn't. That happens sometimes. I'll be alright in a minute so please don't worry about me.: :I thought you had recovered from your Merging.: :Me too.: I'm lifting my fork and knife and try to eat. Everyone else is. Jes doesn't think anything more to me. I drink the last of my milk and set the glass down. My plate is empty. Everything around me has been a blur. I'm glad that my parents didn't speak during the meal. Or maybe they did but I hadn't notice. Man! I'm really out of it. My eyes close for a moment. There's the sense of a raging river flowing from me towards Jesse to satisfy his thirst. I'm Seeing how much he's depending on me to prevent himself from drowning, ah, from losing himself to his former self. :I know, love. I'm sorry! Ever since last night, I've been drawing on you even more than I have been. It's because of Owopspec. He's really trying to come up in me so we need to see Charms A Bird soon.: I give my lover a worried look. He casts his eyes down at his plate. I'm about to reach my right arm around him in assurance but stop myself. Why do we have to hide how we feel for each other? Everyone knows, don't they! I know why I've stopped myself. That makes me angry. :Don't feel that way, love. It's good that you're thinking about your parent's feelings by not putting on a display. You are holding me. In here.: :I know.: There's a warm feeling in my heart. I'm turning to look at Jes. :We are going through a lot. Take what you need from me so you'll remain who you are. Not get taken over by Him. I only wish I didn't have to deal with my parents today.: :Maybe they can help you, love.: :How?: Before Jesse can Answer me, everyone is getting up from the table. My parents are praising Winna for how much they liked her cooking. She asks her son to help with clearing off the table. I find mom at my side. She takes my arm, pulling me towards the front room while dad remains to speak with grandfather. We pass through the room, not going to sit on the couch as I was expected us to for a talk. I'm planting my feet when we reach the front hall. "Mike. Are you alright?" "Yeah, mom." I see the worried look in her eyes. Is she gonna be scolding me again? My pair of moccasins are seen near the front door. That reminds me. "I'll be needing to buy shoes today." "We can go out to get you some. Let's spend this day together, your father and I. We're returning home this evening so this will be our last chance to see you for a while." She doesn't want Jesse to come along. I'm nodding in surrender. My father appears at our side like a ghost. He's looking at his wife in a peculiar way that sends a shiver down my spine. I'm not Gleaning anything from either of them. That's strange. It's like I've lost that ability, probably because of the energy pouring out of me to sustain Jes. I cast my thoughts towards him. :My parents want to take me out and get some shoes.: :That's good. Grandfather wants me to stay close to him, in case...: I'm nodding in agreement. :We only have to endure two more days before seeing Charms A Bird on Tuesday. I know he'll be able to help you!: :I hope so, love. Try to enjoy your outing with your parents. They obviously miss you and you don't know when you'll be seeing them again.: :I know. It's just that, ah, I wish you were coming with us.: :I will be with you, love! For always.: I'm slipping into my moccasins. It seems strange that I'm wearing socks with them until I force that part of me who is Chris to settle back down. My head begins to clear. Mom is opening the door so I'm following her outside. Dad is taking up the rear. In the distance, I catch sight of Hawk Flying Over standing by his jeep. "Mike? Could you ah, ask that man not to follow us? He should watch over the house since your... friend is inside." "Sure, mom." My parents head for the car while I stride down the sidewalk to speak with Hawk Flying Over. He meets me at the gate. A smile comes to my lips to see his cowboy hat. A feather struck through it lends him an Indian appearance. He wears his hair short though. "Going out with your parents?" "Yeah. Could you keep watch over the house while we're out?" "Charlie can do that." He's turning to his right. I follow the man's eyes to where a pickup is parked in front of the neighbor's house. There's a white guy sitting in it. "Ah. I'd rather you keep watch over Jesse. Grandfather, too. Both you and Charlie should stay here." "If that's what you want, Mike." I'm slowly nodding my head. I hear the car being started and am about to turn for the driveway to join my parents when Hawk Flying Over grasps my shoulder. There's a serious look in his eyes. Is he gonna argue about this? "I want to thank you again for what you did for me." "What I did? Oh." We're distracted by my parent's rental car backing out of the driveway. I slip past the gate and wait for them to pick me up at the curb. Hawk Flying Over is standing at my side. "My balls have been hurting me." The man is looking down at himself with a grin. He's horny? "It has to hurt if it's to heal," explains Hawk Flying Over. "I hope that's what it is. Have you noticed a change in the way you... ah. Come out?" "I've not." He hasn't beat off or his sperm hasn't thickened. Which does he mean? Hawk Flying Over releases my arm so I can go to my parent's car. I'm glancing over my shoulder at the man. He has his right hand raised to me. I return his gesture, open the car door and get in. "Where should we go?" barks Michael. Hmm. Mom is up to something and my dad isn't happy about it. Me neither. I find my voice. "Head downtown. There's a Wal-Mart there so I can buy some shoes." I'm pushed back into my seat when the car speeds off down the road. We pass my trailer park. I've left a pair of dress shoes (worn when I'm teaching class) in my trailer but I don't want to go back there. My stuff has been hauled off by the park's manager for 'safe keeping' according to Mr. Augusten. He'd confronted Mr. Cavallero about it who claimed that he's cleaning out my trailer to get it rented. I'm paid through until May. I didn't tell the manager that I'm leaving or give him permission to clear out my belongings. Mom is peering back at me. I put on a grin for her while a sense of dread builds in me. She's up to something. I'm not needing to Glean that because I know her so well. I look out my window for the rest of the way. The shopping mall comes into sight. Dad parks in the nearly filled lot. We get out. I notice more men accompanying their wives and kids today. Oh, yeah. It's Sunday. I'm rushing through Wal-Mart to the shoe department. A pair of gym shoes are found in my size. I quickly try them on, return them to the box and head up front to pay for them. "Why are you in such a rush?" asks Linda. "Did you want to get something?" "No... Nothing. We'd like to enjoy spending this day with you before we return home." "What do you want to do today?" I really wanted to ask mom what she's planning. Dad looks grim. He knows. Mom shrugs her shoulders but from her smiling face, I know she has something particular in mind. We head for the parking lot. We're back in the car. I'm putting on my new gym shoes and place that pair of moccasins Goes-late-in-the-night had gifted me in their box. Dad hasn't started the car yet. He turns to his wife for where we're going next. "We've heard that Havre has some tourist sites. Do you know of any that you can recommend for us to see?" She means sites for white folks. I remember reading a brochure that told about 'Havre Beneath the Streets' when I'd come to this town. Tourist trap places like an old-time saloon where cowboys supposedly drank and gambled at, a bordello, an opium den (yuk!), Chinese laundry, barber shop, grocery store and of course restaurants. My interest in Indians drew me to the reservations. That had ended in disappointment though. After enduring a bumpy dirt road on my motorcycle, all I found were run-down shacks, trailers and ranches admits a desert wasteland. No tipis or half-naked Indians I'd been half expecting to find. The men I saw wouldn't even glance at me. Most of them were getting drunk in a bar. My mom is staring at me, reminding me of what she's asked. "I don't know what you'd like to see. There's some ol' Western shops." The tone of my voice lets her know I'm not interested in that. "Ah. There's a fort only a few miles from town that I've often passed." "Would you like to go?" "Sure. I saw trees there that's rather surprising to find in this part of Montana." Mom is nodding her head. "We can take a long walk," says Linda. "Wouldn't that be nice?" I'm clenching my teeth. Walking means having a talk without much chance to escape it. I don't think I'll be doing the talking. She will. I'm gonna get an earful from her about why I shouldn't stay in Montana but return home where I 'belong'. I've Gleaned this. My eyes widen in surprise. :Jes?: :I'm feeling better. Grandfather has performed a ritual for me. It's making me feel calm. At peace...: That explains why I don't Feel my lover sucking so much energy out of me. I'm about to tell Jesse that my folks are taking me to see a fort but I Sense that his thoughts are drifting. Sorta like falling into a light sleep. My dad is asking me something. "...to get there?" asks Michael. "Ah. Head south out of town. The fort is only a handful of miles away on route 87." Dad starts the car. "Let's find a grocery store first so I can make us a picnic lunch." Mom means to make a day out of it. I'm scolding myself for thinking badly of her. My wits have returned (since Jesse isn't draining me) so I feel up to the challenge of fending her off when she tries persuading me to return to Indiana. I know she means well. She's my mother. We're driving through Havre until dad spots a corner market. He parks in front of the store, mom gets out but I decide to remain in the car. I'm glancing at my father. He remains silent though. At least I'm not gonna get a scolding from him for being gay and choosing to be with Jesse. Mom has entered the grocery store. I lean forward to catch my father's eyes. He stares back. That has me noticing how he'd been avoiding eye contact with me all morning. I'm clearing my throat. "Does your lawyer know when you'll be going to court?" "No. A date hasn't been set yet. He's hoping that the D.A. will drop the charges against me." "When will you know?" I'm shrugging my shoulders in reply. My father looks haggard. Worn down. "Dad? Are you really alright?" He takes a deep breath and speaks in a slurred voice. "Mike. I don't want you worrying about me." My eyes flare in alarm. "I am recovering from my stroke. Otherwise, I wouldn't have taken this trip out to see you." "Then you don't have anything... serious to tell me. Mom said you did." "It doesn't matter now." That stung. "You came all this way to tell me, dad. What is it?" He meets my challenge by not dropping his eyes. It's difficult seeing disappointment in them. "Well. I had something to ask of you, as my son." Another deep breath. "I'm realizing that there are fewer years ahead for me than behind me." "You're gonna live for a long while yet!" Dad nods but not convincingly so. I'm realizing that he won't always be around for me. His mortality. That's a sobering thought. "Mike. I need to know that you'll carry on after me when I'm gone." "Dad. Don't talk like that!" His eyes flare and I'm lowering my head in shame when I realize what he meant. "I can't be what you want me to be." "I know. This is really hard for me. You're going to stay here with him in spite of what your mother wants." What does my father want? I look up at him like the little boy he still thinks I am. He clears his throat and speaks. "I've told you how proud my father was that I was the first in the family to graduate from college. Yet in his heart, I knew he had wanted me follow in his footsteps. He came to accept that I wouldn't be a farmer his father was before him. What gave him some peace was that I promised to keep the land they've worked so hard for in the family. That's what I'd come to ask you." "Not to farm it." Dad shakes his head. That had been stupid of me to say. He meant that I'll pass the land onto my son. We both know that's not gonna happen now. "Why not give the land to my sister?" My father looks away. He's keeping something from me that has to do with my sister. She and her husband have been trying for a child. None has come. Does dad know why? Is there something wrong with them? I glance out my window to look for mom. An awkward silence fills the car. I calm my thoughts to prevent Gleaning the secret he's keeping from me. If my dad wants me to know, he'll tell me. "Your mother wants to have grandchildren." Dad does too. I notice how he's looking past me as if saying there won't be any coming from me. That hurts my insides something fierce. "You're still too young to know what you want," he mutters. Anger blares in me. I know what I want - to be with Jesse! I'm no longer his little boy. I've taken a deep breath and release it through my nose. My father gives me a pained look. "I'm sorry, Mike. I shouldn't have said that." My lips are pressed tightly together. Dad looks past me again and I'm realizing he's looking out for mom. Then our talk will end. I know how difficult it is for him to be opening up to me. It's not what I want to hear but he needs to say it. I'm a disappointment for a son. "You've really helped them Indians from what I've heard." I'm startled by dad's change in subject. Is he proud of what I've done? "They need help," I mutter. "You know how it is. I'm doing what I can." "They're your mother's people. I didn't know that until last night but why is she so afraid?" I can't tell him. He wouldn't believe me if I did so I'm shrugging my shoulders and hoping he won't press me about it. "Is there a real chance that you could go to jail?" He's really worried about that. "I don't know. My lawyer says that those policemen are corrupt and we'll prove it. The Blackfoot are backing me all the way. It's because of what I've done for them. And more." "It seems that there's more going on than I can guess. I'd want you to tell me... Is there anything I can do for you, son?" Hearing my father's concern squeezes my heart. He still loves me. My nose pains me when I'm struggling to keep tears from filling my eyes. My mouth opens. I stop anything from coming out because I can't tell him! We're both startled when the passenger side door swings opens. It's mom. "I've bought lunchmeat," says Linda. "We'll have sandwiches, potato salad and an apple pie for desert. Don't worry. I remembered the milk, you two!" "Ah. Thanks, mom." I glance at dad who has faced forward, both his hands gripping the steering wheel in a death hold. She notices that something is going on. "Honey. Are you alright?" "Yes. I'm fine, dear." He starts the engine. We're leaving Havre behind without anyone saying a word. Mom probably thinks we've had words or something. "I want us to have a nice day together." "We're gonna, mom. Everything's okay. Really. Dad? The fort will be coming up on your right." I'm looking out my window at the landscape. Winter has finally broken its grip over the plains. Grass will start reachin' fer the sky and draw the buffalo herds. It'll be a happy time. To feel the sun over me back, to hear laughter again and smell them sweet odors of Spring. No more keepin' to our tipis... "I see the fort up ahead," says Linda. I'm lost in my sweet thoughts of yesteryear. An aching fills me heart. Oh, Owopspec! Where's yer smilin' face fer me? Your brown outstretchin' hand to help lift me over yer horse so we can race over'd the meadows? I'm missin' yer arms round me. Listenin' to me even if my words are foolish. The love showin' in your dark face filled with understanding fer me. Yer want to keep me happy... With effort, I return to the Now. As Mike. That's who I must be in front of my parents but with Jes-ee-ah, I'll be that complete person who is both Christopher and Mike whom he's named Short Hair. I wipe my face across my shirt sleeve. I've never felt Christopher's longing so intense in me. He knows that his lover is still with him, inside Jesse. At least in spirit. This is my life now. I'm sharing it with my former self but Owopspec mustn't do the same. We both know that. Chris misses his lover a lot and wishes things could return to where they were. I'm startled by a door slamming close. My eyes return to me, seeing mom peering in through my window. I fumble with opening my door and get out. Dad is looking around. I'm breathing in deeply. The sun is shining overhead and makes for a pleasant day. I'm glancing at mom who puts on an assuring grin for me. We walk over to join her husband in front of a glass enclosed sign. It's about the historical significants to this place. Fort Assinniboine. Formally established in May 1879, it became the largest military fort west of the Mississippi River. 104 buildings within a 40 mile long by 15 mile wide military reservation. Some of those buildings still stand. The fort was constructed, in part, after General Custard's defeat at Little Big Horn. Primary mission... to house a garrison preventing attacks from some 5,000 Lakota Sioux Indians led by Sitting Bull, and other chiefs who had fled to safety in Canada after the battle at the Little Big Horn. 600 infantry and cavalry troops were stationed here. Served as a base for patrols along the Canadian border to prevent smuggling, gun running and to protect settlers. Became the state's military headquarters responsible for maintaining control over the Blackfoot Confederacy and other northern Montana Indian Reservations. Never engaged in any major battles with Indians. The fort served to promote economic development of the region. An economic nucleus for establishment and development of Havre. Guided tours available from June to August originating at the Clark Museum at 306 3rd St. in Havre. The sign goes on to say that the fort closed in 1911. Congress gave the buildings and one section of land to Montana which bought an additional 2,000 acres. A big chunk of 30,000 acres was set aside for the Rocky Boy Indian Reservation. In 1914, the North Montana Branch Experiment Station was established to conduct agricultural research that continues to this day. A map shows the top end square of land south of where we're standing that is now an Indian reservation extending down to Box Elder and east to where Hawk Flying Over lives. A lot of wasteland as I recall. I'm taking a look around. There are tree stands, grass at our feet and brick buildings seen in the distance. It's a very pleasant place. Peaceful. Nothing like the cramped fort Christopher got himself trapped in. All the trees around Fort Union had been cut down for fuel. Chris chopped some of that wood himself. 300 steps in either direction found high fort walls blocking his freedom. Men looked out from high ramparts for Indians. Some Blackfoot were allowed in to have their portraits painted by Mr. Catlin. That's how I met a certain handsome bare butt brave. My life had awakened with Owopspec at my side! I came into my manhood because of his love for me. Our People fled west after the many battles with fort soldiers to hunt the buffalo in peace. That's why I recognize some of the features to One-white-horse's land: Buffalo Watch Hill and that ever flowing spring where grandfather's horses can drink from. Ours were a wide ranging band of Indians. Not stuck on bad land within a certain confines of the reservation the People occupy today. I notice my parents staring at me. They've been waiting for me to finish reading the sign. I have. I've been stuck in thought of long ago days. At my gesture, dad strides across the grass while mom keeps to my side with her arm coming around me. I'm feeling mixed emotions. My parents have come all this way to see me and I am glad they're here. I've been away from Indiana for three and half months. Away from friends too. And my computer job. All that seems like years ago with what's happened. I don't get the sense that Indiana is my home anymore. My roots have dug deep here in Montana both as Mike and my former self. We've both found happiness from finding love and living amongst a People unlike any others I have ever known. They're a good gentle folks once they let you inside. An aching fills my heart. I miss Jesse! "What's wrong, dear?" I glance at mom then turn away to wipe the tears filling my eyes. She feels my aching. We continue walking across the grass to catch up with dad. I'm bursting to tell her how much I love Jes so she'll understands why I can't go back to Indiana. That was my childhood home. This is where I've become a man with responsibilities to my People. I'll die here happy. We approach a tall brick building set behind some trees. It looks like a castle tower of all things. Set beside the door is a sign announcing that this is the Bachelor Officer's Quarters. My father tries going inside. The wooden door is locked. He turns to us with a shrugging of his shoulders. "I think everything's closed until June, dad." We walk around the building until another comes into view. Dad strides on ahead. Ah. To leave me alone with mom, I'm guessing. I avoid looking at her by lowering my eyes to the dirt road we're following. My gym shoes are chafing me. I'm shivering from a cool breeze that's coming from the north. "It's warmer in Gary," comments Linda. "We're near the Canadian border so it's no wonder you had a snow storm only last week." I pull from mom's arm and drop down to my haunches to loosen my shoe strings. My feet squirm around for some space in these new shoes. I'm slowly retying them. Mom takes my arm when we continue walking down the road. I'm looking for dad. He's stepping around the side of a really long building that's one story in height. Of brick. Lots of windows alternating in height. "The stables," says Michael. "It's locked up too." The green grass has disappeared. All around the building are low dry grasses that one finds after winter. Our shaman would direct the men to set fires in them to encourage new grass growth to draw the buffalo. This place looks bleak. Lifeless. I catch sight of a stand of trees in the distance. Mom sees what I'm looking at and sighs. "Don't you miss the trees back home?" Linda asks. "Only a few stands here at the fort and them houses in Havre! I could count with one hand the few trees to be found along a city block. Our house has, what, six trees?" "There's four trees in Winna's backyard with a bunch more of 'em beyond." Mom shrugs her shoulders. We follow the road to the next building. It's a guard house of brick that reminds me too much of the Havre Police Station. Dad remains silent but mom offers comments that soon turns to similar structures she's seen in Indiana. I've noticed the fort's use of bricks like we have in our houses back in Gary. Winna's home is made out of wood. During our walk, we pass the NCO Quarters. It's an example of what the married officers housing was like (two stories, its bricks have been painted white). We're coming to a building called the Hop Room. This oddly shaped building is made out of stone. I like the pine trees along one side. Dad points out an opening so we follow him to it. A workman walks out, startling us when we were about to enter there. He's black, nearly as tall as my dad but what catches me by surprise is his grin and friendly eyes. In Indiana, the black men I've chanced upon were cool and collect with a sharpness in their eyes for strangers. I'm probably being racists. Can't help it but this man appears unexpectedly nice. "How are you?" Michael blurts out. "Fine. It's a nice day after that storm," the workman answers. "Are you enjoying the fort?" Dad nods in reply with a feigned grin. He's wary of blacks. I notice a peculiar emblem on the man's work jacket. He's holding two empty white containers in his hands. Ah. They're for water, I Glean. He works for the agricultural research division set up in the old fort. "Are all the buildings closed?" asks Michael. "Yes. Until tours start up in June I'm afraid." "The buildings look sturdy," comments Linda. "Bricks and stone. From what we've seen on the outside but they're ah, nice. Does anyone occupy them?" "No. Not really," the man answers. "When they're opened to the public, all the original furnishings can be seen that date back to the early 1900's. It's like stepping back in time to the fort's hey days." "Uh, thank you." The man goes around the far side of the building with his water containers while dad leads us away. His exchange with that black man has me noticing this separation of races. We're far from Indiana where black people are treated by whites and how they expect us to treat them. None of that was in evidence by this workman. He was very pleasant to us. "Paul has asked about you." I glance at mom. He's a man who works with me at the company who's really good with coding. Short and fat, mom's mentioning him now after seeing that workman. They're both black. "How is he?" "Oh. He called up last week to ask if there's news about you." Uh-huh. I'm sure that Dianne had put Paul up to that. I've been ignoring her emails asking me to so some coding work while I'm on vacation. "What did you tell Paul?" "Nothing much. Not about the ah, trouble you're in of course. He said that Dianne can't wait until you're back working for her." I knew it. "Mom. That job has been killing me." She slows her pace. "Then find something else to do when you come back home. Mrs. Winnapah said that you're a fine teacher. I knew that. Your skill with computers can come out that way or in some other related profession. Indianapolis has many opportunities to offer you. I don't expect you'll find that around here." I'm letting that slide for now. I don't want a confrontation with her that'll ruin our day together. Dad has walked on ahead to the next building. "Do you miss your friends?" A different angle of attack from mom. "Some. But most of them work with me in the office. You've told me they're just a bunch of computer nerds like I was... before." Did she pick up on my hint? "Do you know when you'll be going to court?" "Not yet. My lawyer is trying to get the D.A. to drop their charges. I hope they do! It's been hard having this dark cloud hanging over my head." "I'm sure it'll all go away..." Mom tightens her arm around me as if never letting go. She worries about me going to jail. I am too! Then I'll be parted from those I love. My mom, dad and of course, Jesse. We'll still be Together in thought but that's not the same as being in his arms. A sense of dread comes over me. I'm hanging my head. "You could run away," whispers Linda. "Huh?" I turn to face my mother. "That won't solve anything. This isn't some local trouble that I can fly from by returning to Indiana." In a low voice. "If you think there's a chance you're going to jail, I'd rather you run away than chance it. Not back to Indiana. They'd look for you there. No. I mean Canada or you could hide out in Mexico or something. I've heard the horror stories of what happens to young men in prison!" "Mom. My lawyer says we're gonna beat those charges. Those were corrupt police officers making all that trouble for me. One is dead. The other is on the run for murdering him along with a woman they were working for." "Oh! I didn't know that," gasps Linda. "That's why Mrs. Winnapah's house is under guard." She looks around. "Would he come after you?" "No. He's on the run like I've said. We don't know who else is in league with him so that's why tribesmen are watching over Jesse's house." At the mention of my lover's name, pain is seen in mom's eyes. Not because I'm gay and have chosen to be with him so much as what Jesse represents. That 'loss' of myself to the Indians her mother had forewarned from Seeing that. It's already happened. It wasn't to the Blackfoot but my former self. Chris has Merged with me. I've told mom this last night. I'm not up to going over it again and upsetting her more than she already is. "I want you to know that your father and I will help you. No matter what happens or what you decide you should do if... things look bad. We know you don't deserve to go to jail. I'd rather you run from here than face that!" "I'm not going to jail, mom." Her eyes look deep into mine for a moment. In a whisper, "I won't be going back to Indiana afterwards either." Mom's face turns to stone. "What are you going to do about your car parked in our garage?" she asks. "You can have it or give it to my sister." "You've left all your belongings in your apartment." "My rent is paid through until June. I'll collect everything later or someone could put it all in storage for me." "But your life's back there!" gasps Linda. "You're just going to leave it all behind? Us with it?" "No, mom. You can come visit me here anytime you want or I'll come down to see you. As to my life 'back there', I'll only be leaving behind coworkers from a job that's burned me out. I'm tired of programming computers." "How will you support yourself here?" Linda asks in a firmer voice. "I've got money in the bank. I'm still being paid Royalties to those three computer programs selling in the stores." I don't mention how much of my savings will be going to pay off Winna's mortgage. "You've made this decision so suddenly! Your father and I didn't know until yesterday. We've raised you and want to help you decide what's best for your life!" "I can make decisions for myself. I'm a man now and not your little boy anymore. Please, mom! Accept that I'm gonna stay here with Jesse and help his tribe." "You... You've only known him for a short time. How can you make such an important decision based on that?" "Well. If I'm wrong, I'll leave Havre. But mom, I KNOW that this is the right thing for me to do. I love Jesse with all my heart! He loves me, needs me to be with him. All this trouble I'm in is because I was helping him and his tribe against some bad men. The Blackfoot Nation is behind me. They're my People now." "Then you have lost yourself to them. And I've lost my son." I gasp when my mother collapses to the ground. I'm quick to kneel at her side with my hands under her arms, lifting, but she won't get up. Dad is running towards us. I look at mom and see defeat in her eyes. Her sense of hopelessness and despair. It pains my heart to see her feeling this way. Dad comes to our side. He's helping me lift mom up from the ground. "Linda! Are you alright? Can you stand?" "Yes... I think so." Mom peers at me with a bit of hope in her eyes as if me seeing her so distressed will change my mind, that I'm a terrible son for not considering her feelings. I have to look away. Dad and I help mom walk back to the car. In silence. She's able to walk on her own after a while. With a gentle yet firm nudge, I'm pushed away. Dad continues holding her in his right arm while I walk at their side feeling dejected. Soft grass comes under our feet. The parking lot is just up ahead. Mom starts walking towards a picnic table and plops down. I won't meet her gaze. What I'm Gleaning from her is this fine act she's putting on. Even without my special ability, I'd recognize this in her from having done it in the past when she's tried to get her way. It's rather childish. I peer at dad who won't meet my eyes, well aware that he realizes this himself. "Shall I get the food from the car?" asks Michael. "I'm not hungry," Linda answers. "Not unless the two of you are." I sit down opposite of mom. Dad sits right beside her with his arm coming around her waist. They look at each other for a moment. "Are you feeling better, dear?" "A little." She glares at her son. "Linda. You have to let the boy go! He has his own life to live and we can't decide what that's going to be for him. He's going to do what he wants in spite of us. Look. I don't like having him so far away but that's that. It's not like we can't come to see him here. He'll come for visits with us." Dad looks at me. "He's right, mom. I've already told you that." "I think these people have brain washed you or something to work for them!" accuses Linda. I'm shocked by what she's said. I fear that she'll blurt out what I've told her last night on the porch in front of dad. In Siksika: "Mom. How can you raise a bad word against OUR People? Your mom was half Blackfoot. Was she a bad person? The Blackfoot do not have bad hearts! They need my help and I've given it though that's gotten me in trouble with my own people. Those guardians of the law had acted with evil in their hearts." "Yes. You've helped return a sacred belonging to the tribe. Why can't you return home after all this trouble blows like smoke up into the wind? "You know why. Would you deny me the happiness that I have found?" "Jesse is but a child," whispers Linda. "No. He is a man as I am and we've chosen each other. Winna has welcomed me to stay in her home to be with her son. Her heart is at peace about this thing. She is happy for us." "What. What's going on?" Michael asks. We both turn to him. "I'm sorry, dad. We should have spoken in English so you could understand." "You can speak Indian?" I'm nodding at my father. "It is my mother's tongue." "You see!" Linda shouts. "You're losing yourself to them. Speaking Siksika just proves that. They're making you work for them and see the trouble they've gotten you in? I want to take you away from that. Please. Come home with us. Let me save you before it's too late!" I've kept my eyes on dad and ignore what mom has said. He's growing wide in the eyes. "Mike. What does your mother mean?" I'm closing my eyes and take a deep breath. How much should he be told? I open my eyes and speak. "Mom is just upset. She wants me to return home." "Yes. I want that. But if you're facing going to jail, we'd want you to flee to Canada. Your father and I are in agreement about this." "I won't. A man faces his troubles or they'll just follow him." My father nods in agreement but he's still troubled. "Mike. What does your mother mean about saving you? She's talking about the Indians, isn't she?" Another deep breath is taken. "My grandmother told her something when I was born. A warning that..." Linda blurts out, "My mother had the Sight. She told me that my son would lose himself to Him. And it's happened! Michael. Haven't you heard how strangely your son talks? And I don't just mean about him being able to speak Siksika. He has changed before our eyes. The son we've raised is being taken over by Him. I want to save him from that. Help me get our son away from here!" "Who is this Him?" Michael asks. Mom is glaring at me. Dad expects an answer that's gonna have to come from my lips. "She's taking what her mother had told her the wrong way. Only a shaman who's been trained can interpret visions to known what they mean." "I don't understand," says Michael. "Who is this Him!" "My former self," I whisper. There. I've said it. "That's what upset me last night, Michael. I heard our son admit that he's been taken over by Him and we've seen this with our own eyes!" "How is our son being taken over?" Mom doesn't answer so he looks to me for an explanation. I can't find the right words to say. Dad will think I'm crazy and he will try to do as his wife's asked - take me away from here for 'my own sake'. That's what she was planning to do today. "Please tell me," Michael begs. I'm grinding my teeth together. A sharp pain is felt from my stomach because I'm feeling trapped. Anything I say will be used by mom to prove there's something wrong with me. I'm worried about my father. He's suffered a stroke and our arguing isn't helping that any. Crazy talk he couldn't possibly understand could drive him over the edge. I remain silent. Mom speaks up though. "Your son told me last night that he's been possessed by a former self. Someone called Christopher who'd lived in the 1800's." "He told you that?" laughs Michael. "It's not possession." Dad's mouth closes. He glares at me to say more. "I'm not gonn... going to repeat myself because mom has obviously taken it the wrong way. It will sound crazy. And I'm worried about you, dad. You've not recovered from your stroke yet." "I'm strong enough," Michael retorts. "If you told your mother something last night and she has it wrong, then tell me." "She's using it to try getting me back to Indiana," I say in defense. "I'll be the judge of that." I'm squirming over the bench. I'll try another approach. "You know that I'm gay. Jesse is too. His mom knows yet she's letting me stay in her house to be with him. We've helped the Blackfoot recover a sacred belonging those corrupt policeman tried taking away from Jes. That man who'd rented my trailer before me had hidden it under the floor boards in his bedroom before that same officer came to murder him. The tribe's shaman surrendered it to the police for safe keeping to prevent more people from being murdered over it. This bundle has been stolen from the police or it was given to that man. He's murdered that corrupt policeman I struck when he was running out of Winna's house with his gun pointed at Jesse. He murdered a collector in illegal Native artifacts to prevent her from getting him in trouble. That's why Jesse's house is being guarded but now he's on the run because the police know about what he's done. My lawyer will prove this so I won't go to jail. I'm gonna stay here with Jesse and his mom, help their tribe like I did when that old man's trailer was sinking in the mud. I've chosen this path in life to serve people. Do you think I've chosen badly?" My father is absorbing what I've said. Mom looks like she's going to get the subject back to me being possessed. I'm trying to catch my breath. "No... no," mutters Michael. "You are doing good for them folks. I don't like, ah. You know. You being with that Indian kid but his mom knows better than me and she seems okay with it. I'm needing to get over that you are. You're my son and... I love you no matter what. Please know that." "I do, dad. I love you too! This has all been a shock to you both I know. I'm not sorry for what I am. No one made me gay. I was born that way. Yet for the first time in my life I'm not hiding it. Jesse makes me very happy! I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life, not like what you hear about... gay guys." I'm looking at my father for his understanding. Maybe that's too much to expect. Can he just accept it? When I dare look at mom, the challenge in her eyes fades. She looks down at her hands folding in front of her over the picnic table. I'm feeling relieved. What I'd told her last night had been in confidence and she'd promised not to tell dad. Maybe she's remembering that now. Michael releases a tense breath. "There is more going on that I... your mother and I don't know about." I'm nodding. Mom knows some of it but I'm glad she's keeping silent. "Does that old man I met at Mrs. Winnapah's house know?" "Yes. He's Jesse's grandfather and shaman of the Blackfoot Nation. I've turned to him for guidance." "Well. I think that you're in good hands then but if you feel the need to talk with your old man... call me." I'm smiling. "I will, dad." Relief fills me now that that's settled. "Is anyone hungry?" asks Michael. We're driving through Havre. It's after four but I don't think any of us are up to seeing more tourist sights. I'm exhausted. Part of me feels bad that I won't be spending the rest of the day with my parents before they leave for Indiana tonight. I expect they'll drop me off at Winna's and return to their motel to rest before their flight. Hmm. Did they already check out of their room this morning? Dad pulls into the driveway. Hawk Flying Over's jeep is gone along with Charlie's pickup. I recognize Running Water's red truck parked at the curb. He's not inside it. My father shuts the engine off. I pause from opening my door. A thought strikes me. "Do you want to come inside for a while?" "I think we'd like that," answers Michael. My shoe box is tucked under my arm when we approach the front door. Dad is right behind me but mom is dragging her feet. She looks tired. I turn to her before going into the house. "Mom? If you'd like, go take a rest in our... Jesse's bedroom before your flight." No answer from her. I open the door and we come inside. Running Water rushes to meet us in the hall. "Mike! Ah. Jesse's grandfather and an Elder are talking with your lawyer in the front room." His eyes flare in warning. I turn to my parents. Dad nods that he understands. "Would the two of you like to rest in Jesse's room?" "Sure. Lead the way." I take my parents down the long hall, point out the bathroom that mom is eager to make use of. My father and I will wait for her just outside the kitchen. Winna is busy preparing dinner. When she notices us, I'm giving her a gesture to continue what she's doing without making a fuss over us. Jes comes from the dining room into the kitchen. His eyes glare at me to Think to him. I've been shutting myself off from him these past hours. Everything that I'm feeling bursts out of me. :Oh, love!: :Are you alright?: Asks Jesse. :Did it go well with your parents?: :No. Not really. But how about you? Did you rest after grandfather performed his ritual?: :I slept some.: Jesse glances back towards the dining room. :Grandfather, Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn and your lawyer are talking in front. Are your parents leaving or are they...: :I've offered to let them rest in your bedroom before their flight. That's okay with you, isn't it? I should have asked you first.: :It's your bedroom too, love. Sure. I can see that you're tired after your outing so they must be tired too. Let me run ahead to our bedroom to make it ready for them.: Jesse turns to his mom and whispers something. The woman glances at my father then she returns to the pot on her stove. :Jes. Can you take this shoe box from me? My moccasins are inside it.: I'm handing it over to my lover. He scurries off towards the back of the house. My father touches my shoulder. I turn to him and see puzzlement on his face. "He knows." "What?" I gasp. "Your friend is getting the bedroom ready for us." Michael hesitates to say more but he does. "I've seen that Look on both your faces before. It's an Indian way of speaking to each other. Isn't it?" He touches his head. I'm barely nodding my head. Dad's eyes widen. "Please! Don't tell anyone." Mom comes out of the bathroom. Dad leaves my side to relieve himself so I step into the kitchen for Winna's 'protection' against what my mother might say if we had remained in the hall. "Did you have a good time?" Winna asks. She's already thinking better for having asked that. Mom remains silent. "We went to that fort outside town. There are lots of old brick buildings and I liked seeing trees after being away from Indiana these past months." "Would you like to take dinner with us?" Winna asks. "Yes, thank you." Linda steps closer to the Indian woman. "Please forgive my conduct from last night. My heart was filled with woe and had me acting badly before a good host." Winna gasps. Mom had spoken to her in Siksika. She looks at me to read my face (I'm smiling) before she addresses my mother in like kind. "I understand. You are forgiven, mother of my son's... companion." Winna was about to say 'pairing' which would have been closer in Siksika to describe my relationship with Jesse. "It is difficult to know this thing between our sons," says Linda. "How did you get over it?" "I haven't. Yet my heart has managed to cast out the worry that comes from a mother's concern you must be feeling now." "It is a deep hurt to my heart." My mother glares at me but I don't flinch because I'm not to blame. This is becoming difficult. Do they expect me to say something? :Get your butt out of there and help me,: Jesse Sends. I have been acting stupid! I'm running from the two women to join my lover in our bedroom. :You need to let them talk, silly.: :Yeah. I'd have figured that out in a moment.: :Probably after saying something you shouldn't,: Jesse teases. :You're right about that.: In the space of a few heartbeats, I enter our bedroom and close the door behind me. Jes rushes into my arms. I'm safe again! It's the same warm feeling I have when returning to my mother's house after coming home from summer camp or getting beat up by a bully or... No. Being with Jesse is much more than that. I look deep into his eyes and know this is where I belong for the rest of my life. I'm wetting my lips and he kisses me. :Oh, Jesse!: I find myself panting for breath against his soft cheek. Our hands rub over each other's backs while below, we get tingling dicks. I'm looking towards our bed. :Later, love! Your parents will be coming to rest here soon. I've removed mom's fetish from under our blanket, put away Brown Bear and straightened out the sheets and blanket. Do you think it looks alright?: I reluctantly let my lover go. We walk up to the bed. Jesse has done a good job and I Tell him so. I'm looking around the room and cringe that my parents will see his posters on the wall, nightlight by the bed and other things that will confirm their thinking that Jes is only a kid. :We can't help what others think,: Says Jesse. I smile at my lover. :What matters is how we feel for each other.: We're looking towards the door to make sure it's still closed before we hug again. A long tight grinding one admits kisses, butt pulling and that utter mingling of our thoughts and emotions making us as One. Jesse and I are sitting over the coffee table. Grandfather and Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn have the couch. Mr. Talbert sits in a chair taken from the dining room. Running Water has returned to his truck on guard duty in front of the house. I didn't get the chance to even say 'hi' to him. He'd turned tail and fled the house after my parents came inside. They're resting in our bedroom. Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn is telling me that a strong presentation to the D.A. will be made tomorrow with statements he hopes will get the charges against me dropped. He reads from his yellow pad: Jesse's complaint statement will say that he was assaulted by Eli Kie outside Mike's trailer in his attempt to take the tribe's Power Bundle from him by force. He suffered head blows resulting in a black eye, dizziness and his hair was pulled. When Mike came out of the trailer in answer to his cries, Eli Kie pointed his gun at Mike. He did not identify himself as a police officer. Mr. Augusten came to their aid by holding his rifle on the man, getting him to release Jesse. When Officer Hawk-swooping-down arrived, he ordered Eli Kie to drop his gun and arrested him. Jesse and Mike were told to leave the scene for their safety and to get Jesse medical aid. Jesse's next statement describes how Lt. Danielson ran out of his mother's house with his gun pointed at him to shoot before Mike defended him. Jesse refutes Danielson's claim that he was the 'young man of Native American heritage' climbing out Mike's bedroom window on April 16th because he was in school at the time. Winna's complaint statement will say that five Havre Police Officers had forced their way into her uncle's house (Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains) on April 20th with an improper search warrant held to her face and after their fruitless search, threatened her that if Mike didn't give myself up that someone would get hurt. She's also complaining that her house had been entered by Lt. Danielson on April 19th without a warrant to remove items belonging to her guest (Mike) from the front hall. All the Blackfoot Tribal Elders will sign a complaint that their tribe's Power Bundle their shaman had surrendered to the Havre Police on April 21st for 'safe keeping' during its dispute of ownership (by Eli Kie) had been stolen from the police evidence room. Their statement describes what the Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee (elk skin bound mystery-man's medicine sacrifice) looks like, its contents, and that oral history tells of it last being in the arms of Shaman Good-eyes in his burial cave. The suggestion is that Eli Kie is a ghoul for having removed it. He has no legitimate claim. Their statement ends with a warning that dire consequences will result when their People learn that the police have 'lost' their tribe's Power Bundle, proving corruption in their ranks. Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains will sign a complaint that his house had been entered by five Havre police officers on April 19th without a warrant as witness by his niece, Mrs. Winnapah. Officer Hawk-swooping-down's statement will describe his part in what happened. It began when he was investigating Ron Earlman's murder and thought that a police officer had done it. He learned from Mike (translating Ron's diary zerox) that Miss Thomas had been caught with an illegal Native artifact and tried bribing Ron to remain silent. Failing that, she offered Ron information. The diary gives the names, addresses and illegal artifacts of collectors that she provided Ron to investigate. Eli Kie was one of those names Miss Thomas had given Ron. Hawk-swooping-down learned that Lt. Scott Danielson was 'on the pay' by collectors of illegal Native artifacts. He warned Mike about this corrupt police officer. On April 19th, he received a call from Mike saying that Jesse and him had figured out where Ron Earlman has hidden the tribe's Power Bundle. He asked them to wait outside Mrs. Winnapah's house for him (half hour's ride from where he was in Chinook) but they'd gone on ahead to Mike's trailer to get it without him. He went to the trailer park upon arrival in Havre and found Mr. Augusten holding a rifle on a man still wielding his hand gun. He was informed by Jesse and Mike that this man attacked them to steal the tribe's Power Bundle. Jesse suffered head blows and couldn't keep on his feet without Mike supporting him. Mr. Augusten informed the officer that he had seen the assault and came running to help. Though Eli Kie claimed he was an officer, he was not in uniform and his actions to 'reclaim his property' were done illegally. He arrested Eli Kie. Mike and Jesse were personally known to him and he recognized the bundle as that being sought by his tribe. He told them to leave the scene with it and for Jesse to seek medical aid. The Havre Police were on the way and he feared Lt. Danielson might be among them and try getting the tribe's Power Bundle taken as evidence that later would find its way back to Eli Kie. At no time did he observe Eli Kie use a phone to warn Lt. Danielson that Mike and Jesse had escaped his custody. (This refutes Danielson's statement that the reason he was as Jesse's house was because of that call to arrest Mike.) When the Havre Police arrived on the scene, they verified Eli Kie's identification as an undercover officer from Helena and release him over Hawk-swooping-down's objections. Mike called to tell him that Lt. Danielson had rushed out of Mrs. Winnapah's house with his gun pointed at Jesse and he defended his friend from getting shot. Mike asked that an ambulance be summoned for Lt. Danielson. I'm to sign a complaint that the Havre Police violated my civil rights on several occasions. I was placed in a padded cell without cause and taunted by my guard watching me from security cameras in that hell hole. The Elder jots down what my guard had said to me through a speaker when he saw me crying: "You're not so brave now, huh? We like to keep an eye on monsters. No place for you to run and hide." That guard then laughed at me. The next morning, Doctor Milestone found me delusional and suffering from dehydration before my arraignment hearing. The next civil rights violation occurred when Lt. John Danielson (brother to Lt. Scott Danielson) had me brought to the Havre Police station for questioning on April 22nd without my attorney present. I'll sign a statement about what took place on April 16th during Lt. Scott Danielson's visit with me at my trailer when he took Ron Earlman's diary from me, didn't place me under arrest and left. Another statement I'll sign describes what happened on April 19th when I saw Eli Kie attacking Jesse outside my trailer and pointed his gun at me when I was walking down the steps. I was unarmed. Eli Kie didn't identify himself as a police officer, didn't arrest me but was intent on stealing the Power Bundle from Jesse until my neighbor, Mr. Augusten came to our rescue by pointing his rifle at the man telling him to drop his hand gun. He refused to do so. Officer Hawk-swooping-down arrived and arrested Eli Kie. We were told to leave the scene for our own safety and to get my friend's injuries tended to. Yet another statement says that on April 19th, Lt. Danielson was seen in Mrs. Winnapah's house and came out running with his gun drawn to shoot Jesse running towards the street. I defended my friend from this corrupt police officer who wanted the tribe's Power Bundle. We'd just come from Eli Kie's assault back at my trailer. I called Officer Hawk-swooping-down to tell him what happened and asked for an ambulance for Lt. Danielson. His patrol car was found parked nine houses away so Jesse and I wouldn't know he'd been searching his mother's house. Later, the things Danielson had stolen from my laptop bag in Mrs. Winnapah's hallway were returned to me by Captain Ruston through my attorney because he agrees that his officer had removed them from the house without legal cause. Lt. Danielson feared my English translations from a zerox of Ron Earlman's diary would show that he was a 'dirty cop' for having helped Miss Thomas, a collector of illegal Native artifacts. Eli Kie is also mentioned in Ron's diary for dealing in stolen Native artifacts. Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn had read all this from his yellow pad and took notes to clarify points I'd given him. My attorney will draft statements for all of us to sign tomorrow and present them to the D.A. by representatives of the Blackfoot Nation. I look at Mr. Talbert. His face is grim so I can tell he's not happy about something. Oh. It's the statements. They weren't his idea? I ask my lawyer, "Do you think this will work?" "Well, Mike. It'll give the D.A. a clearer picture about the motives of Officers Eli Kie and Lt. Danielson when they acted under color of uniform to perform illegal acts. Your civil rights were violated by the Havre Police that in itself could release you from those charges if evidence can be found to back up your claims. It also looks bad that Shaman He-who-runs-up- mountains' house was searched without a warrant, the tribe's Power Bundle was lost from the police evidence room and Mrs. Winnapah's house was entered by Lt. Danielson to remove items without a warrant which were later returned to you by Captain Ruston. When Mr. Augusten's and Mr. Cavallero's statements given to the police combine with all of your statements, they'll refute most or in part the statements given by Officers Eli Kie and Lt. Danielson." "Then what troubles you?" I ask. "I think it's too much information to hand over to the D.A." Mr. Talbert glances at the Elder. "The prosecutor must know by now that Officer Eli Kie is a tainted witness for them. Mr. Augusten's statement refutes his and that officer is being sought for questioning to Lt. Danielson's and Miss Thomas' murders. Lt. Danielson's misconduct is still not well proven. Your statements and Jesse's refute his but obviously, they're self serving. At least Mr. Cavallero's statement refutes Lt. Danielson's claim that he'd arrested you on the 16th." This is the second time that my lawyer mentioned Mr. Cavallero. "Uhm. I didn't know that my park manager has made a statement." "Sorry, Mike. That's what brought me to your house. I'd suggested to Detective Peterson that he question Mr. Cavallero on the pretense of asking that man why he removed belongings from your trailer. He was brought in this morning to the police station. A theft complaint was used as a bluff to get that man to talk. Mr. Cavallero said that he told Lt. Danielson that you'd taken the Indian drum and Ron Earlman's little black book from him on the 15th. After Lt. Danielson visited you on the 16th, Mr. Augusten reported that your trailer door was left open to the park manager. Mr. Cavallero realized that you were gone. He called Lt. Danielson to ask if you'd been arrested. He told him no! Danielson said you'd been spooked by his visit and fled. That's why your park manager started clearing out your trailer so it could be rented. All of your stuff is in storage so you can get it from him any time you want to." "I'll do that tomorrow." Mr. Talbert has more to tell me. "Anyway, Mr. Cavallero went on to say that he called Lt. Danielson on the 19th to report seeing you and your Indian friend walking to your trailer. He didn't know that was Jesse or where he lives. Remember that piece of paper you found on Danielson? That officer was given Jesse's name and address from someone else. Maybe it was Eli Kie." "I knew Mr. Cavallero had seen Jesse and me walking to my trailer that Saturday morning. He called Lt. Danielson like I thought he would! Why did he go to Jesse's house? Not to wait for us there because according to Officer Hawk-swooping-down's statement, he didn't see Eli Kie calling Danielson to let him know we'd 'escaped' his custody at my trailer and to arrest us at the house." Mr. Talbert smiles grimly. "I think Lt. Danielson went to Jesse's house to get Ron's diary zerox and your laptop's hard drive where you kept the English renderings." He faces the Elders. "You must consider the possibility that someone in your council is leaking information. Who knew that Mike was working on translating Ron's diary from a zerox he'd made?" Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn and grandfather exchange worried glances. I'm going through the names of everyone who knew about that. There's Jesse, Running Water, Officer Hawk-swooping-down, Hawk Flying Over, Mr. Talbert and these two men. I can't believe any one of them told Lt. Danielson! "It was spoken of at council," says Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn. "None of the tribal Elders or chiefs would of spoken of this to anyone?" asks Mr. Talbert. "No," answers Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains firmly. "Hmm. Perhaps Lt. Danielson happened onto the diary zerox in the front hall and recognized it for what it was for having taken the original diary from Mike. He could of translated Ron's entries to learn that Miss Thomas was mentioned in it and feared his involvement with her would come to light." I hear the doubt in Mr. Talbert's voice. Why was Danielson in Jesse's house that morning? Did he see us leave and use that opportunity to search it? We'd left the front door unlocked because Jesse had forgotten to get his mother's key from her bedroom in our rush to get to my trailer. "It's possible that Lt. Danielson hoped to find your tribe's Power Bundle in the house and sell it to Miss Thomas," says Mr. Talbert. "We don't know why he was there. Only that when you and Jesse came back after your confrontation with Eli Kie, that officer ran out with his gun pointed at Jesse. The most serious charge against you is assault on a police officer. He was tripped off the porch and fell, breaking his hip. You punched him into unconsciousness. The D.A. is not going to easily dismiss that charge because, I'm sad to say, it was a brutal attack. The subsequent murder of that officer will generate a sympathy vote with the jury because you were the one who'd put him in the hospital, Mike." A hard lump forms in my throat. I try swallowing past it before asking, "Am I likely going to jail because of it? Danielson would have shot Jesse!" "Mike. We need to prove that Lt. Danielson was 'dirty' and that you were in fear of your life and that of your friend's to counter that charge against you. I think we're tipping the D.A. off to our defense strategy by giving him these statements. The prosecutor will be given time to 'correct' things to strengthen his case against you. These statements let him know that we know what's taken place. His witnesses are officers who must be shown to be corrupt in the eyes of the jury so they'll forgive your actions against Lt. Danielson when you attacked him. I just don't know." Grandfather speaks up. "If the charges are not to drop, I say my people that the police lost our Power Bundle. We to hold a protest outside the Havre Police station as before. Reporters come. They to be told what happen that change the D.A.'s heart not to go to court." "Would you be able to keep your demonstration peaceful?" asks Mr. Talbert. "If officers are hurt, that could lead to a war in this town. Nobody wants that to happen." "That why I not yet say my People that our Power Bundle was stolen. The D.A. should fear our wrath. Drop charges from Short Hair and peace be it." If this matter wasn't so serious, I'd be smiling at grandfather's broken English. His heart is set on doing this thing for me. Elder Quiet-before- the-dawn supports him along with the rest of the tribal chiefs. "Can I have a word with you, Mike? Alone." "Sure." No one objects so I follow Mr. Talbert outside to the front porch. We look towards the curb and see Running Water sitting inside his red pickup truck, too far to overhear us. "Mike. The Blackfoot Nation has hired me to be your attorney but I answer only to you. As my client, I'm trying to defend you against some serious charges. Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn surprised me today with his plan to present statements to the D.A. but he's not your attorney anymore. I am." "Okay. I hear you." "We've had an unprotected conversation in there. I shouldn't have allowed our defense strategies to be heard by the shaman or Jesse because the D.A. could bring them in for questioning and learn what was said." My eyes flare in alarm. Mr. Talbert holds up his hand in assurance. "I don't think the D.A. or the police will risk doing that. The situation is already pretty touching between them and the Blackfoot so they don't want to risk a war erupting in this town." "Do you advise me not to give my statements to the D.A.?" "Well. I wouldn't want to give them anything in writing that could be used against you in court." "All I'd be telling is the truth! I want to explain myself to them about what happened." "Mike. The D.A. and his prosecuting attorney couldn't give a rat's ass for the truth, only what they could use against you in court. It's the jury who must be convinced of your innocence." "But if our statements can convince the D.A. to drop their charges out of fear that corruption will be revealed in their ranks, it won't go to court." Mr. Talbert seems to be considering what I've said. When he's about to object I blurt out, "There's more going on than you know about." "Like what?" Now I've gone and done it! I'm wetting my lips while deciding how much I should say. "You have seen for yourself how dangerous Eli Kie is." My eyes flare. "To the Blackfoot, he is regarded not just as a bad man but someone who works for Evil. He has murdered people and tried stealing the tribe's Power Bundle. You've asked me why the shaman had surrendered it to the police. I'll tell you. Grandfather wanted to prevent more deaths from occurring by Eli Kie's lust to have it back no matter what. We knew that evil man would manage to take it from the evidence room. That didn't matter. The Power Bundle was dead when he got his hands on it." "I don't understand." "Just know that its value to Eli Kie was... removed from the bundle before the shaman surrendered it to the police. A Trickst... A man who serves Evil fears discovery and his Dark power over the People flees like a shadow under the bright Light of truth." "You're talking way over my head, Mike. I work with facts and present evidence in a court of law to make the truth known." "I am Short Hair. Mike thought as you do but I've seen things that would shake the very foundation of your beliefs." Mr. Talbert swallows nervously. "You've already given me a glimpse." Yeah. He knows about my former self and believes it after I'd translated some old Siksika text recording what Blackfoot Chief Gazes-up-at-the-mountain had said in 1892. "Just know that there is a truth beyond what you know. I've dared to tell you as much as I could. You are acting as my lawyer to defend me and I really appreciate it. The Blackfoot Elders are acting to thwart an evil man in their own way." "Is there anything they know that can help your defense?" I'm slowly shaking my head. "They've told you what they can. I understand that you can only work with facts and evidence. It doesn't do any good to tell you that I KNOW Eli Kie murdered Ron Earlman or that as Brave Eli Kie, he murdered my former self." "Mike!" "Now you see what I mean. Knowing is one thing but proving it is another matter all together. Yet the tribal Elders can protect their People with such knowledge and act in ways that would seem like, ah, Indian magic to you. I have seen this." My lips press tightly together. Jes has been following what I've told Mr. Talbert but he warns me to stop now. I can see that I've shaken this man up. In a low voice, "Don't press the Elders to explain any of what I've told you. They won't. You are my attorney and I respect that but so must I respect what Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn and the shaman have asked of us. Unless you are dead set against me giving statements to the D.A., let's go with them." Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn has left with Mr. Talbert. They're gonna iron out the details at my lawyer's house and get all the statements prepared for signing tomorrow. Grandfather is resting his eyes. Jesse has gone to sit beside him on the couch while I remain on the coffee table deep in thought. It's gotta work! The D.A. will realize the trouble they're in to uphold those charges against me by them corrupt officers. One of them is dead. But that's the real sticking point because my attack on Danielson had sent him to the hospital. I was so angry to see him running out of Winna's house with his gun pointed at Jes. My fists struck him again and again. I would have killed him if my lover didn't shout for me to stop. Maybe I do deserve to go to jail for attacking that police officer the way I did. :I'm worried for you, love!: I lift my head to peer over at Jesse. Damn! My thoughts were too loud and he's picked up on my fears. :I'm worried too.: There's no denying the truth when we're Mind Speaking. :If it looks like you are going to jail, I'd want you to flee to Canada like your parents suggested.: My eyes flare. Jes had been peeking inside my head during my outing this afternoon. I'd closed myself off from him or so I thought. :No, love. I couldn't Reach you then because I'd been asleep. You were thinking about that just now.: Maybe I was. So many thoughts have been flying around my head. I'm glad that we're finally explaining our side of the story. Maybe the D.A. will back off. Jesse is falling into a gloomy mood. I've Felt that from him before and fear what that can lead to! My arms lift towards my lover to coax him over to me. He slowly rises from the couch. I'm scooting back along the coffee table so he can sit beside me. Jes doesn't. Instead, he comes to sit in my lap with his long legs locking around my butt. We hold each other really tight. He feels so slim in my arms, like a boy, and trembling from being scared. His face presses into my neck. He's crying. "Shhhh, Jes. It's gonna be alright." :You can't give up hope!: :Me? I'm not. You're the one who's crying, my love but it's okay. You let them tears fall.: After a long moment, Jes peers at me. My heart aches to see sadness marring his cute brown face. :You shouldn't feel guilty for what you did to that police officer. He was a bad man.: :I can't help it. We don't really know if he was gonna shoot you. My lawyer thinks that Danielson might only have wanted to get away after taking my laptop's hard drive and diary zerox from your mother's house.: :He was working with Eli Kie. They wanted my tribe's Power Bundle!: :And you were brave to keep a hold of it after Eli Kie struck you. He's the one I'd want dead!: I'm sucking in air through my teeth after admitting that to Jes. :You cannot kill such a one. It's said that only the Trickster's body can be slain. His freed spirit would seek to avenge his death before falling into another willing victim.: I'm reminded that someone in the tribe is helping Eli Kie. But who is it? Jesse's eyes take on a far away look. I Sense a wavering to our Connection that leaves me gasping like a fish out of water. :Jesse!: :I'm here.: My lover's eyes grow sharp. The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck. :Did you See something?: :No. A Darkness hides that boy from me.: :A boy? Do you know who it is?!: Jesse shakes his head back and forth. :I only knew it was someone in our tribe. I'd thought it was a man, maybe one of the tribal Elders.: :It cannot be one of them,: Jesse explains. :They have sworn unto our Father to walk in the Light least their spirits be wingless to the Above when they die. Grandfather has my gift to See into others. He would have known if one of the Elders has been corrupted by evil. It is a boy.: :I'm sorry for saying it was an Elder.: :There is much you need to learn about my People. The leaders of yours seek power and offer their souls to the Darkness to get it. No oaths are sworn by them to remain true so they don't fear what happens when they die. They don't serve anyone but themselves.: :That's rather a harsh view of my people, Jes.: :Deep down, you know it's true. So does everyone and they give in to hopelessness. That's why few people vote. They think, what does it matter and you can't fight The Government. I say, get rid of it when the leaders no longer serve the People! Good returns to their lives, at least for a while.: :I didn't know that you were such an anarchist.: :A realist, love. How long have my People suffered at the hands of your Government when they lied to us, broke treaties, killed the People and put those who survived on bad land for their 'own safety'?: I'm squeezing my eyes tight as if to deny his charges but they're true. Even in this modern age, Native rights are still being trampled on. A few of us have helped them. Ron did, and I'm trying to. A kiss comes to my lips that surprises me, like I didn't deserve it at this moment. :You stood up with a raised fist against those who 'serve and protect'.: That's the policemen's motto. Lt. Danielson failed in his sworn duty to serve and protect the people of his community. He used his position to earn money from people like Miss Thomas who dealt in the trade of illegal Native artifacts. I notice that grandfather is watching us with anger smoldering in his eyes. That makes me feel very self conscious to be holding his grandson as I am. "Someone in my tribe is helping Eli Kie." Jesse turns himself around in my lap to face his angry grandfather. "It's a boy." "Eiiii! The Trickster intended to Pass the Power Bundle's Spirit into a willing youth. For what evil purpose, I cannot foresee." That Spirit has been Passed into Jesse and I. Powers we are given to bring a truth to the People. Would Eli Kie's boy have brought them lies? "The Trickster has fled," says grandfather. "We must find this youth Eli Kie used so that he may be brought back into the Light." Winna comes into the front room. My arms don't waver from holding her son close to me. She knows of our love. Accepts it with an understanding heart. If only my own parents could. :Give them time, love.: "Dinner is ready," Winna says softly. "I'll go tell my parents." I give my lover a squeeze but I'm not ready to get up from the coffee table yet. Jesse feels so good in my arms. I'm also not looking forward to facing my parents again. Winna sits down on the couch beside her uncle. This woman is older than I but when compared to Jesse's grandfather, she appears young as if only a granddaughter to the old man. "Mike. I can see how good you are for my son." Winna's smile becomes tinged with concern. "How long will you be with him?" "To the end of my days." I laugh. "As long as Jesse can put with me! I've found myself because of him. My humanity. He makes me very happy." Jesse rubs his soft head against my chin. I kiss him with my nose getting tickled by his long black hair rustling against me. Winna lowers her eyes from our loving display. A sharp pain stabs my stomach. Maybe she isn't ready to see us expressing it so openly. "Mike. What I meant is... what if you go to jail?" The fear that's been stabbing my stomach throws a blade up to my heart. My throat constricts. I can't get words out even if I could come up with some to assure her... of what? I'm not sure what Winna is asking of me. "Your mother thinks you decided things too soon. In a way, I agree with her, Mike. I'm worried for my son if things were to go badly..." "Mom! I won't fall apart if that should happen. Mike isn't going to jail! And I wasn't being rash by choosing Mike or him deciding to be with me. We Share a connection that distance won't sever." I'm glancing at grandfather. Will he not say something to assure Winna that her son won't get sick if I'm gone? He's resting his eyes again. Right when we need him to be awake! "My son needs more than to draw on your strength, Mike, if I understand what my uncle has told me about your special bond. He needs to be with you. If the worst happens and you do go to jail, could you let him go?" I've managed to swallow past the hard lump in my throat. "No. We are lifebonded. Jes and I were warned that this would happen right before grandfather performed his Passing rite of the Power Bundle's spirit. Yet we're given strength from the other, abilities such as me speaking in Siksika and for Jesse to overcome his autism." In a very soft voice Winna says, "No one asked me." We didn't, though I had given her that pouch hanging from my neck that contains our wedding rings before we even found that Blackfoot bundle that bound our spirits to it. Didn't her returning it to me mean she was allowing us to be together? Jesse agrees with me yet he warns me to remain silent. Allow his mother work this out on her own. I'm about to get up from the coffee table to fetch my parents for dinner. Jesse keeps my arms held to his chest. "The Canadian boarder is not that far to the north," whispers Winna. My eyes widen by what she's suggesting. "My parents asked me to run away if it looked like I was going to jail. I told them that a man has to face his troubles or they'll just follow him." "Even if that means going to prison?" Winna's nose pain her when she says, "I'd want... both of you to flee north." "Mom!" cries Jesse. "This is not the time to talk about such things," says grandfather in his booming voice. "Short Hair is right. He must be strong and face his troubles. He will not face them alone." I'm Gleaning that's what drafting all them statements are about. My lawyer doesn't think it'll work but grandfather will rally the People to my side in a show of force. We must try to win. Failing that, well. There will be time to consider fleeing but would I really take Jesse away from here? :Love! Mom worries more that I'll be taken away from you. She can let me go for my own sake. I can't believe she said that!: :Jes. What about your responsibilities to your People? Grandfather is to train you as their next shaman. Like you've said, distance won't sever our bond so you can keeping drawing what you need from me to function normally no matter where I end up.: :Like grandfather said, this is not the time to talk about such things. Go fetch your parents for dinner, love.: I give Jesse a tight squeeze, then I'm pushing back to get up from the coffee table. Winna's eyes chase after me. I offer her a reassuring grin though I'm not feeling very sure of myself inside. Dinner went well. My parents remained silent as is Winna's custom during a meal but I think that came from their emotional exhaustion no amount of rest in Jesse's bedroom could cure. My father has a lot to think about from watching that exchange between my mother and I at the picnic table. Her own concerns weren't satisfied, I'm sure, but she didn't give me bad eyes or reveal anything on her face to lead me to believe she's gonna make another display like she did last night on the porch. No fake smile either. Just dull weariness and my parents have a flight to take later tonight. At least they won't have to drive ninety miles south to Great Falls. They're taking an air bus out of Havre. Winna served us bighorn sheep stew like I had at Hawk Flying Over's house as one of her leftovers found in his refrigerator. We use chunks of bread to soak up the stew from our bowls and eat with our fingers. It has an unusual taste but it's not an unpleasant one. Just different. Mom and dad ate what was in their bowls. Grandfather had seconds. I think he misses grandmother's cooking. Jes finished his portion only after chiding for him to try. He's too thin! I wasn't all that hungry but managed to finish my stew. My glass was filled with milk. So was dad's after I mentioned to Winna that we share this ritual at our meals. Running Water is driving grandfather back to his house in Chinook. No need for him to sleep on the floor in our bedroom for a second night. Grandfather believes that the ritual he'd performed for Jesse this afternoon has calmed his former self enough until we meet with Charms A Bird this Tuesday. I sure hope that Omaha Shaman can help my lover deal with Good-eyes! Merging with Christopher still puts me off keel sometimes like what I'd experienced at breakfast. I don't want my lover to face that. He'd lose himself utterly to his former self. Jesse is helping his mother with clearing off the table. They're giving me time alone with my parents before they have to leave. We're sitting on the couch. I'm in the middle with mom on my right and dad on my left. Part of me is relieved that their visit is coming to an end but I have missed being with my parents. Back in Indiana, I'd spend Sunday afternoons with them and leave after dinner. My mom cooks well. My vacation to Montana had interrupted that ritual these past three months. We've had, what, barely two days to make up for all of that? And things are not gonna return to the way they were. I'm staying here in Montana. No wonder my mom's heart is broken. Dad doesn't show it but I'm sure he feels the same. I am too, a little. "You're going to be okay here." Dad said that mostly as a statement but I'll give him my assurance. "Yeah. I am happy here as I've never been before in my life in spite of all these troubles that I'm facing. They'll blow away. Really." "These are good folks. I like Jesse's grandpa a lot." He's had a chance to talk with grandfather? I'm nodding in reply. "Mom. Are you going to be okay with this?" "There's not much I can do about it," she whispers. "Mom. Please don't worry about me! It's not what you ah, fear happened. Jesse's grandfather has helped me a lot with it." My father gives me sharp eyes. He still isn't sure of what mom and I were arguing about this afternoon that started last night out on the porch. I'm not up to going over it again. Mother isn't either, tired as she is with a flight back home yet to endure. "You are different, son." My body tenses up. I hope dad isn't gonna press me to explain what's happened to me when mom seems to have given up arguing about it. "More grown up. And, well, you aren't acting so 'computerized' if that's the right word for it. I was hoping you'd outgrow that and live your life. I've seen what you mean about being happy. It's not for us to judge who you want to be with but that's gotta be hard for you and... Jesse." "We both realize that," I whisper. Mom snaps at me. "Do you, Mike? Even if you are that... way, any couple needs time to know if they're meant to be together! You've only known him for a few weeks." "Mom! I know he's the right person for me." I'd almost said 'guy' but kept myself from rubbing that in their faces. It's already hard for my parents to deal with that I'm gay. An uneasy silence passes. When mom grasps my hand, I'm nearly given in to tears. "You're going through a lot to help these people," says Linda. "When this trouble of yours blows away, and you find out that this has been a mistake, please return home! We aren't going to blame you because of it. Come home. If you're burnt out at your job, you can find something else to do for work. It doesn't even have to be in computers. Go back to college. I know that would please your father. This life you've fallen into here isn't..." "Mother. Stop this, please!" Silence. Mom hangs her head in defeat. Dad gives me the eye as if scolding me for hurting my mother but he doesn't long endure my challenge, lowering his eyes and releasing his breath in a huff. "If only you could know how strongly I feel for Jesse and how much he loves and needs me." "Needs you. I've heard you say that before but what do you mean by that? How you're helping his people?" I'm taking a deep breath before answering dad. "Jesse is autistic." Do my parents know what that means? I can see on their faces that they think it's something bad like a disease or something. "Is that why he seems younger than his real age?" asks Michael. "That's part of it. When I first met Jesse with his mother attending my class, he wouldn't speak to me or anyone like he's really shy. Being autistic had him hiding inside himself because he can't block what's coming into him by everything going on around him, what people are saying or even how they're feeling. It was too much for him to handle." "Sally is autistic," Linda whispers to her husband. I don't know who she is but obviously dad does by the way he becomes uncomfortable when talking about someone who's mentally retarded. "Sally is the daughter of one of my new church friends," explains Linda. "She's about your age, Mike." "That girl has an extreme case of it." I face my dad. "Does Sally not speak to anyone except her mother?" Both my parents nod. "Her eyes won't look at anyone directly?" Another nod. "Yet she shows intelligence in her activities and has a special gift or something you weren't expecting she could do?" "Sally plays the guitar like she were a professional musician," says Linda. "She won't sing but the music that comes from her playing! It's a God given gift. Her mother told me that she attends a special programs at school. She's the equivalent of a junior in High School. Gets good grades. Only her social skills are lacking." "What you're describing is what Jesse was like." "Mike. He can't be as severely autistic as Sally because I would have recognized that... problem with him. It isn't curable. Sally's mother will have to take care of her for the rest of her life." "Jesse's mom was thinking she'd have to take care of him for the rest of his life. He wasn't going to be able to follow in his grandfather's footsteps as shaman of their tribe but at last Thursday's meeting, it was announced that he would soon undergo training." "Are you saying that something happened to him to make him better?" "Yes, dad. This miracle for Jesse is also how I know that we're going to be together for the rest of our lives." My parents become skeptical. I've poured out my heart to them but they don't have faith in the teachings of our Lord. Miracles do happen, whether you call it 'Indian magic' or a blessing from our Father. "You said that he needs you," reminds Michael. I'm nodding. "Jesse and I Share a special bond where he takes what he needs from me to be normal and I'm able to speak Siksika from him amongst other things." "That... sounds, well. You believe this is happening, son?" "Yes, dad. Jesse and I recognize our Connection. His grandfather has been helping us with it because we'd been acting like one mind when it happened. We've returned to our separate selves yet always together." My parents are shaking their heads and I realize this has been too much for them to take in. I'm scolding myself for being so stupid! We sit together on the couch in silent. It becomes awkward. My thoughts race to come up with something to say, anything I need to tell them before they leave. "You should call Dianne," asks Linda. "She needs to know." "I'm still on vacation until June." Hope flares in my mother's eyes for a moment. "I won't be returning to my job but, I'm just not up to going into all that with Dianna yet." "Do you know what you're doing?" asks Michael. "Yeah, dad. I do. Even if you two can't accept it, I'm happy here with Jesse and his mom. It's not like I'll be alone here in Montana. We're taking care of each other like... a family." My head lowers when realizing how they're gonna take that. "She's a good woman." I give mom a grin. "She scolds me sometimes like you do." "Oh, Mike! I'm going to miss you so much!" I'm giving mom a side hug and dad grasps my shoulder. Tears fill my eyes because I know how much they're hurting over this. "I'm not trying to, you know, cause you anguish or push you away after all these years you've been raising me. It's just that I've grown up. My sister left you to be with her husband in Ohio. It's the same thing for me." "Jesse is a boy," says Michael. That stung. "He's a young man! A person whom I have given my love to with all my heart. We feel the same way for each other that Sarah feels for her husband. That's what I meant." "I didn't mean to, ah..." I'm turning to my father. "It's difficult knowing that I'm gay. I've known for a long time so that's why I buried myself in my work to hide who I was by being a 'computer person'. With Jes, I'm living my life now. I'm helping people that makes me feel good. Mom. The Blackfoot haven't brain washed me into working for them. I'm doing this of my own free will. They're your People, too. Think of it as your son who's returning to the tribe after your mother was long parted from them. My skin is white because I only share an eighth of Native blood but what matters is what's inside me. A lot of them have opened up to me after they've seen my heart. They're glad that I've brought Jes-ee-ah out of himself. He's talking and acting closer to his age. Jes needs me like I've said but he's been helping me find my true self." My words have struck my parents like a tomahawk. There's no denying the harsh blow it has caused. Dad is looking at the clock. Mom is rubbing her fingers together out of nervousness. I'm feeling trapped between them, unable to convince them of anything nor can I get up and run away. We need to talk about something else. "How's my sister?" "Oh. She's doing well. Her husband..." For a while, talking with my parents is like old times. I miss spending Sundays with them. Only the occasional pained look in their eyes, silent pauses and realizing that we're sitting in someone else's front room reminds us that this isn't home. Their home, anyway. I spot Jesse standing just within the dining room. :Am I intruding?: :No. What is it, my love?: :They're going to leave soon. Aren't they?: I glance at the clock that shows it's close to ten. My parent's flight is at 11:40pm. They still have to return their rental car but that's at the airport. The Havre terminal is small so they won't have trouble getting to their gate. They should be leaving soon to make sure they have enough time. :Can I meet them?: I'm puzzled. :But you already have.: Through our Connection, I get what Jesse means. My left hand reaches out for my lover. Dad looks towards the dining room where Jes has been standing. He shyly comes to sit down on the coffee table before us. No one says anything. I thought about reaching out to grasp my lover's hand but it's fallen back to my side. "Hello, Jesse." My lover smiles. It's a warm smile that makes my heart ache because we can't express how we feel for each other in front of my parents. This is his small way of doing so. Mom tightens her grip of my hand. "I hear that you'll be the tribe's next shaman," says Michael. "Yes. My grandfather was waiting until I was ready to be trained." Jesse peers at me. The expression on his face leaves no doubt that it's because of me. "I'm a better person because of Jes too. We need each other." My parents give me that Look. "I wanted to meet you," says Jesse. "To thank you. Your son has helped my People with a good, caring heart. And he's helped me a lot." "My son has gotten into a lot of trouble because of that." Mom's words stung. I'm about to blurt out that isn't Jesse's fault! until he Asks me to remain silent. "Yes. That is true," Jesse answers. "We did our best against those who bring harm to the People. It doesn't seem very fair. We're going to fight this injustice so Mike won't go to jail. He shouldn't. He won't!" Jesse's said that with such confidence. His high-pitched voice squeaked at the end betrayed by emotion. I glance at my parents for their reaction. Mom's face reveals that she's still very worried about me beyond what Jesse spoke about. Is she gonna say something bad? Dad looks at the wall clock. "We should be leaving if we're to catch our flight," says Michael. Jesse nods. "I'll get my mother so she can see you off." "Thank you." We're rising from the couch when Jesse runs to the kitchen. I suppose it was too much to expect that my parents would accept Jes as my lover. I'm hurting inside. I remember when they met my sister's boyfriend with happy faces, hand shakes and mom had hugged James. They hoped he would be the one. A year later, my sister married him. What would my parents think about me marrying Jesse? I cast that thought away because it's too painful for consideration. They can't even accept that we're boyfriends. Winna comes into the front room with her son. My father thanks her for having them over, adding that he's glad she's willing to put up with me while I'm staying at her house. Everyone knows dad meant that as a joke by smiling. Mom surprises me when she hugs Winna. She whispers something that's kept between them. Jesse shakes my dad's hand. He then avoids my mother's farewell (or lack thereof) by coming to stand at my side with the coffee table between them. She looks in our direction. I reach my hand over to my lover and clasp his hand. My parents don't bat an eye. They slowly head for the front hall with me following. Jesse Says that he'll remain in the front room with his mom. Our hands separate. It's dark outside broken only by the porch light. I'm feeling a twinge of sadness that my parents are leaving but too, there's relief. It's over with. At the driveway, dad turns to me for a hug. Then mom gets her turn. She takes a long time with her embrace saying how she's gonna miss me and that it's her job to worry and all because I'm her son. "I'll be alright, mom. Really! And take care of yourself, dad. Call me. Okay?" We look at each one last time. The porch light is shining on their faces while my features are likely hidden from them. There are tears in my eyes I'm glad they can't see. Mom walks around to the other side of their rental car while dad is already getting in. Two car doors slam shut. The engine is started. I'm waving goodbye to my parents as their car backs down the driveway, turns onto the street and then goes off into the distance. Jes walks from the house and holds me close from behind. I didn't see him. I Felt that he was gonna do this. His arms around me are what I need at this moment. :They're gone.: :For now, love. Don't be sad. You will see your parents again and more often you'll be talking with them on the phone.: :You always seem to have the right thing to say to me.: :I'm peeking in your head. That's how I know what to Say, silly!: I'm gently laughing to myself. :Yeah. I'm more often scolding you because of it, aren't I?: Jesse squeezes me so hard that my breath comes out of me. He releases me from his long arms and we return to the house hand in hand. I'm feeling light hearted. It's a good feeling to have my lover at my side, always Connected to me in thought and when we get back to our bedroom, we'll join ourselves in another way to express our love for each other. Winna is in her kitchen cleaning up. I give her a weak grin that mostly comes from relief. My parents have left yet there's still a mother looking after me. This is my home now. "Thanks for dinner," I blurt out. Winna is twisting a towel around her right hand and staring at me. "They seemed to like it. It's Jes-ee-ah's grandfather's favorite dish of mine. I wasn't expecting your parents to come back early from your outing otherwise I'd have made something else." "The stew was good. I've eaten that at Hawk Flying Over's house from your leftovers so I know my parents liked it too." I'm looking around her kitchen. "Is there anything we can do to help you finish up in here?" "No. You two get off to bed." I'm trying to hide my grin. Jesse tugs on my hand so I following him to the back of the house. We enter the room on our left. When the door is closed behind us, a great sense of relief comes over me. :Isn't it nice to have a place all our own?: :Yeah. Everything is shut out.: I glance at our bedroom door. Jes begins removing his shirt so I unbutton mine, tossing it in a growing pile of our clothes next to the bed. It feels a bit chilly in here so I'm keeping my underwear on. My lover goes to his dresser. The deep brown of his arms, back and legs catches my eyes. His eagle's feather dances in his long hair. So Indian looking. Christopher never got used to the way Indian folks looked. That dark color of their skin, slim bodies, black hair, black or brown eyes and big noses. The People were a daily reminder that he looked different by his pale skin even though he was often covering himself in clay to protect it from burning in the summer sun. No. What my former self and I notice most is how different these People are from the inside: gentle, honest spirits who thinks of others. Jesse looks down at something in his hands. It's his mother's fetish. He reverently brings it back to our bed. I'm looking around for Brown Bear. :He's sleeping in a drawer,: Says Jesse. I sit over the blanket and watch my lover fetch his bedtime companion. This stuffed animal is propped up between our pillows. Jesse turns to switch off the lamp. We're plunged into darkness. My head is feeling very heavy. This day! It's drained me a lot. With a weary sigh, I crawl along our bed to get under the blanket. Jesse helps me. It's pulled up to my chin. I feel the warmth of his body laying next to mine but we're not touching. That would lead to making love and sadly, I'm not feeling up to that. We'll have tomorrow together. Winna will be off to work so we'll have the whole day to ourselves. Then I remember Mr. Talbert. He'll be coming over to have us sign statements. I'm startled by a telephone ringing in the kitchen. Dread fills me. I turn onto my left side to await Winna's knock at our door. It doesn't come. Jesse snuggles up behind me. His warmth is felt against my back and his right arm around my chest helps put me at ease. I close my eyes but sleep won't come. :I can help you with that,: Says Jesse. I'm nodding. A Pulling sensation comes from my head. I sigh with relief. Author's Disclaimer: This series is a work of fiction. None of the events or persons portrayed are real, including my depiction of officers from the Havre, Chinook and Helena Police Departments or the District Attorney. No disrespect was intended for these fine men and women who serve and protect the public. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ End of file: TEACHLV2.TXT The story continues in: TEACHLV3.TXT