Marco Deregibus entered the seminary because he strongly felt the vocation to devote himself to the more destitute of the earth. He studied with commitment, brightly passed all exams and his superiors thought very highly of him. But, approaching the moment of the ordination, he asked audience to the cardinal, because he felt he had to tell him about his heavy problem.
When he was alone with the cardinal, he knelt in front of him and asked him to hear his confession.
"Your Eminence, I have a heavy conscience problem."
"Tell me, my son."
"I... I entered the seminary because I want to put myself at our Lord service."
"Yes, sure. And you are one of the best seminarians we ever had."
"I thought I could take my chastity wow without problems. I never felt interested in sex or even attracted by the girls."
"I see and now, on the contrary, the girls..." the cardinal said with an understanding smile.
"No, not exactly. The problem is that, I noticed, just in this period in the seminary, I feel more and more attracted by some of my fellows students and the temptation seems to grow."
"Did you surrender to this temptation?"
"No, Eminence, not yet, but..."
"But you are afraid the day comes when you will be no more able to be faithful to the wows you took, right?"
"Yes, Eminence."
The cardinal nodded: "But do you continue to strongly feel the vocation to give yourself to the sons of God and to the more needy?"
"Yes, Eminence, I feel it, with force. But, I ask to myself, which of the two will be stronger?"
"And who can know that, my boy? Man is weak. But on the other side it would really be a pity to lose a so valid and precious element as you are. And honest as you are. If you asked me, I can relieve you from your wows and reduce you to the lay state. But... is that what you are really asking me?"
"I'm asking your advice, Eminence. I feel too confused to decide by myself."
The cardinal thought over, asked him some questions, than said: "My boy, carry on your way. I will ordain you as a Priest and I will pray to our Lord for you to give you strength. If one day you really couldn't resist any more, come to see me, talk with me with an open heart. I will try to help you in all I can. But we need good Priests and I know you will be one," he said and gave him the absolution.
So, when he was twenty-four, the Cardinal Perri ordained him a Priest. He went back to his home for his first Mass and after that said farewell to his parents and friends, went to see the cardinal to be assigned his first mission. The cardinal received him in his private studio.
"Don Marco, I need your help."
"Yes, Eminence, in what can I make myself useful?"
"Roccasella Parish Priest is old and not in good health. Don Sergio Caselli is a holy man, worth of all the respect and high esteem, but he is old. The situation is difficult. There is, in Roccasella the Saint Martin Abbey, whose Abbot is an ambitious, strong, able man. Then there is the castle, with Count Federico, he too an ambitious, difficult, powerful man. Moreover the place is covered by the outlaws who oppress the population that the Imperial soldiers are not able to protect. The Parish is at drift, the poor have no protection, the little ones left to themselves. We need you, your energy and your courage. Do you feel like taking this burden?"
"What your Eminence thinks to be right."
"Thank you. I hoped I could count on you. There, in Roccasella, lives a music maestro, a far relative of mine. You can rely upon him, trust him as he knows the village very well. Therefore, prepare yourself to go as soon as possible," the cardinal said and blessed him.
Don Marco, with a horse and little luggage, set out for Roccasella. He had, first, to introduce himself to the Parson, then to Dom Cesare, the Abbot, and last to the Count. It was Spring and the fields were in flower, the air sweet and light as he was going up to Roccasella. He first saw the Castle, ancient and severe, then the small Romanesque Abbey and lower, the village dominated by the Parish church.
Don Marco arrived in front of the church. He tied the horse up and asked to a passer-by where the entrance of the rectory was. The man pointed at a door. Don Marco pulled the rope and rung the small bell. After a while an aged woman came and opened the door,
"Reverend, are you the new vicar?"
"Yes. My name is Don Marco Deregibus. Is Don Sergio at home?"
"Sure, where can he be? He just moves for the Mass, poor old man. Thank goodness they decided to send somebody to help him!"
"Are you the housekeeper?"
"No, just a Parishioner trying to give him a hand. But now that you are here, I can at least take care of my family. This Parish has not enough money to pay for a housekeeper. Don Sergio, as soon as he has four coins, gives all to the poor!" the woman said with criticism.
Don Marco introduced himself to the old Parson.
The man welcomed him with a smile, "Blessed be God, the Cardinal had pity on this poor old man! At last the village would have a new Parson."
"No, the Parish Priest will always be you, I am just your vicar."
"Too kind, too kind. But practically, my boy, you will be the Parson. At this point I am just a hindrance."
"Hindrance? You? On the contrary, without you I will not know from where to begin. You have experience and moreover, you know the village."
"Well, that is right." the old man said with a good natured smile. "Sit here, then, I'll start to explain some things to you," he said pointing at a chair near him. "Well, in Roccasella there are 726 families that, being numerous, brings the population to 4653 souls. Beside the monks, who are 37 in number and the people at the castle, who between nobles, soldiers and servants are 231. The land belongs half to the Abbey and half to the Count. The part belonging to the Parish is very small and the revenue is barely sufficient to maintain the church in the dignity. Also the village house, a part of which belongs to the inhabitants, the other two thirds belongs to the Count and one third to the Abbey. The Parish has, besides the church and the rectory, two small houses in ruin. Once in one lived the sacristan, and in the other there was a small Parish school. Here the Count represents the judicial, military, revenue and civil power, assisted for that by the Imperial soldiers. The Count is a man of arms, strong, ambitious and he wants the control on all the land. The Abbot is a learned, skilled, resolute man and he too wants the control on all the land. They are so similar to each other, that they are irreducible enemies. Of course with all the formal reciprocal homage and smiles. Also the Abbot comes from a family of ancient aristocracy. What more can I tell you?"
"And the church? The liturgy?"
"In the old times... Nowadays just a few women and children still come. People loved the processions, but it is a few years that, I must confess it, not having any more the strength to do them... and then there is also the problem of the outlaws."
"The outlaws?"
"Yes. Here they don't do great damage. They are more of a problem for travellers. But when they are hungry they steal and pillage also some houses of common people. Especially those at the border of the village."
"But, doesn't the Count fight them?"
"Yes, sure, but they are more shrewd than foxes. Giannotto is their leader, a cunning man. He was a merchant, before."
"And why did he become an outlaw?"
"Bah, they say he suffered wrong, something that had to do with his commerce, a loan. I don't know exactly, the rumours are many."
"But what has the bandits got to do with the church activities?"
"Oh, the processions once held out of the village, down the fields. They started to attack, to disperse them, just to amuse themselves. Not to have people harmed and at the beginning I held them inside the village, but now, having lost my forces..."
The picture was depressing. But Don Marco simply thought that he had to roll up his sleeves,
"I have to go pay my respects to the Abbot and to the Count, then I have to meet his Eminence relative."
"Yes, Maestro Perri, a worthy person, probably the only man continuing to come to Mass. Well, at Easter and Christmas several other men come to the church."
Don Marco, after making sure the Parson didn't need his presence, went up to the Abbey. He was received by the Abbott, Dom Cesare, in his private study. A great and bright room in gothic style with a wide desk and a library at its shoulder. The prelate was a tall and skinny, wiry man, with an iron cross hanging from an iron chain, at his chest, faintly shining on his wide black habit.
"I was waiting you, Don...?"
"Marco Deregibus."
"Don Marco. I'm surprised that his Eminence is continuing to refuse our offer to take care of the Parish. And in such a difficult situation he chose a young and therefore inexperienced Priest, as you are. Anyway, I welcome you, Don Marco. Let's wait for the poor Don Sergio to die in peace, then... we will see."
"I hope he will live for a long time, now that I can take care of him. And that the Parish will retrieve its past splendour."
"Ha, its past splendour! And it will be you, perhaps, to bring it back to that?"
"With the Lord's help."
"Sure, with the Lord's help. Fine, Don Marco, may the Lord help you, then. I bless you," the Abbot said and the Priest understood that it was a dismissing statement.
He didn't get a good impression from the Abbot. From his eyes, cold like the iron of his cross. The man that didn't smile even once during their conversation. A face that, if it was more gentle, could be ascetic, but that so made more think of a marten having sniffed a poultry pen smell.
He went further up, to the castle. He introduced himself to the Count Federico, who received him in an elegant lounge,
"You are the new Parson of our village?"
"Not exactly, I am just the vicar."
"Ha, I know nothing about these quibbles. I'm not a church man and I've no time for these women's and children things. I'm busy enough to collect the taxes and to send the yearly quota to the Emperor."
"It is really a pity, Count, you have no time for your soul?"
"Eh? What? Ah, my soul. Right, you still believe in those things, it is your trade. Well, you do yours and I will do mine."
"Yours is also to administer justice, Count."
"Yes, sure."
"But there cannot be justice without love, Count. And love..."
"In the law codes the word love is not considered. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself? I believe more to the philosophy of the Homo homini lupus."
"Thomas Hobbes, poor man."
"You don't have a high esteem for philosophers."
"Not for all, certainly. I tend to rely on the Holy Scriptures, you know? You can call that a professional deformation."
The Count laughed, "At least you have humour. A gift that is lacking in the majority of the church men. Like in the Abbott. A man so learned that he presumes to be the only one to understand everything."
"A very common illness in our society. Also amongst laymen."
"Touché. But are you always so frank?"
"I have nothing to hide, nothing personal to defend."
"Then, you are a very dangerous man." the Count said. Don Marco shook his head but didn't answer. "Well, Don Marco, if you please, now I have things to sort out"
"Certainly. Sorry for disturbing you, Count."
"You will always be welcome, if you have some problems concerning the Imperial administration," the Count said standing up.
An elegant way to say, 'The less you show up here, the more I will be glad.' The young Priest went down to the village thinking about the two peculiar men he met.
He passed at the rectory to see if Don Sergio was all right and if he needed something, then went to visit Maestro Riccardo Perri. He lived in an old house not far from the church. Perri welcomed the young Priest with warmth and introduced to him his wife and son.
"So, his Eminence sends you here. Is he healthy?"
"Yes, thanking God. And he sends you his greetings. He said to me that I can rely on your kindness if I have problems - you know the village very well."
"I'm born here. I went away when just a kid, to study music. I came back about ten years ago, when I retired from my charge as master of chapel for the Prince Colonna. The village has changed. Until Don Sergio was yet a strong man, he did for this village all he could. He was the only one to really care."
"And the Count?"
"To the Count this village is just a cow to be milked. What he really cares is to collect more and more taxes. And to make his land produce. And succeed in taking the Abbey land. But he has in the Abbott a tenacious adversary. The Abbot in fact doesn't content himself with defending the Abbey land, he tries to obtain the Count's land. And in between the farmers, who have to pay for it."
"And the outlaws?"
"Ah, these. Giannotto is a poor devil. It is for sure not him to do harm to the common people, even if at times he pilfers a chicken or a wine barrel to whom has more of the necessity."
"A gentle outlaw, then?" Don Marco asked with a smile.
"A swashbuckler. Surviving together with some wanted men by the Imperial justice. Poor people who cannot pay taxes, who made too many debts, who have lost everything and steals to survive."
"Maestro Perri! You, a defender of outlaws?"
"I just try to understand and to justify the needs of the poor. It is not for me to judge. Where is good? Where is evil? Only God knows. Only He has the right to judge."
"Certainly so, but we have to judge the good and the evil deeds."
"Yes, but never mistake the man with his deeds."
"This is the Gospel lesson."
"Right, a really difficult lesson, but one we have to never forget. And even in judging the deeds, we have to proceed very cautiously."
"The Count would not agree with you."
"I think not, really. But, tell me, what are your plans?"
"I don't have any. I must understand the situation, then... may the Lord help me."
"He always helps and when less when we expect it. And at times also in a very different way of what we expect, to tell you the truth," the man concluded with a gentle smile.
Don Marco liked maestro Riccardo a lot. He was an intelligent and a good man, full of humanity and faith. He intended to meet him often and to ask his opinions, advises. The Cardinal had been right telling him to go to meet his relative. He felt that in the maestro he could have a valid support.
Don Marco left the maestro house and he looked for the two houses belonging to the Parish church. The sacristan house, just one floor, had just the walls still standing, the roof had collapsed and bushes and weeds had invaded the interior. The school a two floor building, was in slightly better conditions. All the frames were missing, but the roof seemed still sound a part some holes, and the stairs still steady even if part of the rails were missing.
Then he entered in the church, knelt on the last pew, looked at the great crucifix on the main altar and, inside himself, he said:
"Forgive me, Lord, if I came to visit You the last, but I know You are patient more than men, and that You don't make problems, so I profited of that. But I did that on purpose, You know? You are the most humble of the powerful and the most powerful of the humbles, therefore first I went to see the powerful and now, after greeting You, I can start to take care of humbles. Well, if this is not a well found excuse... Anyway, Lord, drive me, please. You know what's what, I really can't make head or tail of it. But now I have to go, Don Sergio could need me. In nomine Patris et Tui et Spiritui Sancti, Amen."
"Don Marco, today is Friday: would you please go to the church to hear the confessions? Normally, before I fell ill, Friday was the day. Three bell strokes to warn the people. I presume you will hear just the usual old gossip to confess their neighbour sins. You must be patient. But it is the occasion to say a good word, and so... And anyway it can give you the pulse of the situation."
"Sure, Don Sergio, I'll go straight away. Do you need something, before I go to the church?"
"Yes, please, would you bring me the seventh tome of the Summa Theologica? At least I'll pass a while reading something good and interesting."
"Sure, immediately." Don Marco said and together with the requested book, he brought to the man a water carafe, a wine decanter and a bred basked that put near the old man's arm chair. He took in the blanket around his legs, and went to the church.
"In nomine Patri et Filii et Spiritui Sancti."
"Amen."
"How long has it been since your last confession?"
"Eh, from when Don Sergio fell ill. He said that just the people with heavy sins could go to the rectory to confess and I, at my age, cannot do heavy sins."
"Oh, why, how old are you?"
"Sixty eight, reverend."
"Oh, I thought you were under ten, in fact after that age it is really difficult not to do mortal sins."
"Well, what can I do, I'm a widow, therefore..."
"Just the married woman can do mortal sins?" Don Marco asked trying to hide the irony of his question.
"Well, you know, sex sins."
"I see. And the sins of lack of love towards his neighbours?"
"That is? I don't understand, I didn't steal, I didn't say false testimony."
"Good, great. But you know that in the Gospel it is written: If you say 'may you die' to a person, will you be guilty of murder?"
"Come on, Reverend, don't exaggerate, now!" the woman said.
"No, no, it's not me to exaggerate, those are words of Our Lord, I can't help it. Did you ever think or said that to anybody?"
"Well, you know, at times they make me angry. Because I'm a good woman, but certain people I know... For instance, just last week, my brother's wife..."
"When your brother's wife will come to confess her sins she will tell me, I presume. Did you think something bad inside you, about her?"
"Well, you can't help it, at times. Or rather, quite often."
"I see. But also repenting to have had bad thoughts is a duty. Do you regret having thought evil of her?"
"No way!"
"I'm sorry, then, I cannot give you the absolution if there is not repentance."
"Eh? What? But you are here to give the absolution, differently, why are you here?" the woman asked, scandalised and aggressive.
"I could also pronounce the words, but I'm afraid Our Lord will give different advice. I'm here to give the absolution to whom repents for the mistakes he or she did. I cannot act in a different way. Therefore, do you know what I tell you? Think about that and if you feel ready, come back to confess. You can also come to the rectory, if you don't want to be seen coming to church to confess twice. With any excuse. I will be at your disposition, at any moment."
The other confessions were not so different from this one, even if often Don Marco, on the doubt of the good faith of the other, pronounced the absolution formula. When at last he went back to the rectory, Don Sergio welcomed him with an amused smile,
"You did stir up a hornets' nest. I received three visits while you were confessing. You know, three good Parishioners who come to ask about my health."
"Good." Don Marco said, studying the old Priest expression.
"Eh, they say you are too hard."
"I'm sorry."
"But I answered them that, possibly, I had been too soft and therefore they had to seriously think about what you said them, anything you could have said to them," Don Sergio said.
"I certainly cannot talk about what I heard in confession. But, tell me, Don Sergio, can I give the absolution to a person not recognising his or her sins? I mean, if for instance a person tells me: I have killed and I'm ready to do that again, because to kill some hideous persons is not a sin. Can I give to that person the absolution?"
"Certainly not!"
"Thank you, Don Sergio."
"Don't worry too much for the hornet's nests you can stir up, until it is for the souls' good. Did you yet decide the content of your homilies for the seven and ten 'o clock masses?"
"No, not yet."
"You can talk, then, of the forgiveness. God forgives who is able to forgive, or something similar, if you feel like."