At the beginning of July, thanks to Snot, Julien managed to send his brother a letter. He informed him what had happened, explained to him where he was hiding and asked his advice about what to do to try to free their parents and brother. The brother answered that he knew what had happened, that he was happy to know he was safe, and advised him to stay hidden. Meanwhile he was trying to do something at Court, but he had very little hope, because "even the King seems powerless".
Julien, who hoped for a less vague, more productive answer, plunged into a terrible sadness, barely tempered by Snot's affection. Snot didn't know what more he could do to bolster the morale of his lover.
August came, and the news that the King had been arrested on Danton's order spread. At once the Monarchy was abolished and at the same time a real man-hunt started. All who had shown their loyalty to the King were wanted. These were arrested and the processing and the condemnation to the guillotine started. Snot also heard that the elder brother of Julien, Charles, had been arrested, processed and guillotined, but decided not to tell his friend. It was a period of slaughter and terror. At times it was enough even for just an anonymous report to be arrested and processed, and the acquittals were but a very few number of the arrested people.
From time to time Snot went downtown to get news and to buy food. Once, suddenly, he felt somebody touching his shoulder and calling him by name. He turned back, ready to flee, when he recognized Etienne.
His former colleague, looking him straight in his eyes, said, "You seem scared. It is a while since you disappeared. Roland issued an order to look for you. What are you doing? Where did you hole up?"
Snot looked at him without answering, not knowing if he could trust him or not.
Then Etienne, taking his arm in a friendly manner, said, "Come have a drink in an inn. Don't be scared, I am not your enemy, I will not betray you. At least amongst us, we should not bite each other, right?"
"All right," Snot hesitantly answered, and followed him.
Sitting at a table, a mug of cheap but dearly paid for wine in front of each of them, Etienne asked him, "Why did you disappear so? What happened to you?"
"Is Roland mad with me?"
"Yes, he was counting on you. But in the confusion of these days, he doesn't know if you betrayed us or you are dead. Nothing bad really happened that was your fault. He ordered us to look around for you, but I think that if you don't use your name or if you don't meet him or one of his men who knows you, you will not be at risk. Do you have some... fake identification document on you?"
"Documents? No."
"There are controls almost everywhere, and if you don't have a document, or some well known person testifying for you, you can meet with problems."
"And how can one get a document?"
"You have to go to the Commissariat with two witnesses knowing you and known, or having their documents in order, declaring where you live and what work you do for a living, and they will issue your document."
"Besides you, there is nobody I know here. And for the moment I don't have any job."
"I always liked you, Jaquot. I could possibly help you get a document with another name..."
"Would you do it? In exchange for what?"
"For you. If you will become my lover."
"Your lover? I can't..."
"And yet it was good, you and me, together."
"Yes, sure, but I can't."
"Why?"
"I can't, that's all."
"With me you will be safe."
"Until you get tired of me. Or until they will get tired of you."
"I don't give a shit for tomorrow. I enjoy today."
"No."
Etienne looked him in his eyes. "Are you perhaps in love?"
Snot didn't answer.
"Then, it's a yes. That explains your fleeing. Well, best wishes. I lent you a hand. You refused it. You will have to manage by yourself. My wishes, Jaquot. But beware, next time we meet I'm not sure I will not report you..."
So having said, Etienne stood up and left. Snot remained at the table a little longer. Then, draining dry the wine left in the two jugs, he went to the door and checked the street in both directions. There was no trace of Etienne nor of anybody paying attention to him. So he began to leave Paris and go back home. For safety, he often looked back to be sure he was not being followed.
He was crossing a small square when he heard a big row - a stream of euphoric people, waving tricolour flags and wearing showy cockades, invaded the square. A stout woman pinned a cockade on Snot also.
The boy asked, "Is there a celebration, Mother?"
"Sure, Son. In one week we will be a Republic!"
"Republic? What's that?"
"Enough with kings, priests and lords! We, the people, will command! Bread and money for everybody. That's why we are celebrating. And you'll see, in one week, Paris will be crowded as never was seen before. They will come from all over France, to see the Republic."
"Can I have one more cockade, Mother?"
"Here, Son, I willingly give you one more. Is it for your girlfriend?"
"Yes," Snot said pocketing the second cockade and smiling. He had gotten an idea: if in one week Paris would be crowded with people coming from all over France, uniting with one of the groups could be enough to allow them to leave without being checked. For sure they could not control thousands of people, and anyway, not everybody would have documents with them. So, with his two cockades, he went rapidly back home and explained his project to Julien.
"It could work. But how long could we continue to hide without documents and, sooner or later, also without money?"
"Money, there is still more than enough. But we cannot remain here forever, we are too close to Paris. We have to find a quiet place, where nobody knows us. We have to look for a job..."
"As you decide, Luc, and you want. I don't know anymore what to do. I completely entrust myself to you. You are the only one really precious thing that remains to me."
"We can go South..."
"I don't think it would be convenient. To the south there is... all of France. We would probably be better to try fleeing toward the north-east, to Belgium."
"Good, to Belgium, then. What town is there, before Belgium?"
"Still in France? There is Lille, Douai, Valenciennes..."
"We can say we come from there. You will see, all will work smoothly, we will succeed."
"I hope you are right. But why not to go directly to Belgium from here? Why do we have to go through Paris?"
"If we join a group going back home, it will be more unlikely to be stopped and controlled along the road."
"I hope you are right..." Julien sadly repeated.
Snot held him in his arms, gently caressed him, and cuddled him. Even if he was just almost twenty years old and Julien was twenty-three, Snot felt he was his protector. He felt responsible for him, especially since Julien had entrusted himself to him. While he was holding him tight against himself, Snot was asking himself, "Is then this being in love? Who knows? But it's beautiful, it is so good having him with me!"
His hand glided long the arch of his lover's back, followed the hollow of his waist, the sound bend of his small buttocks. He loved feeling under his fingertips his warm and velvety skin. He liked to explore the sinuous curves of that tender, and yet manly body. But above all, he was filled with joy and excitation feeling pleasure blooming in his lover, making him quiver in the wait of more and more intimate caresses, making him melt in an embrace filled with passion, with power and with surrender at once. Making love, to Snot, was to overwhelm and be overwhelmed, to win and to surrender with the same gesture, with the same action. The flow of time seemed to stop and to become at once eternal and instantaneous. It was a marvellous melding of two beings stripping off their alien condition to wear a deep and mysterious singleness. All that Snot was feeling, even if in a rather confused way. He would not have been able to express all that in words, for sure, but he was stating it with all himself, all his body, soul and intellect. To Julien it was exactly the same - and for that they were quivering in unison, in perfect harmony... - and yet it was at once different.
For Julien, making love was also finally becoming himself in front of the other, thanks to the other. It was to recognize himself at the moment he let himself be known by the other. It was to completely disarm, entrust, surrender to the other, recognizing his own weakness, and therefore becoming strong as he never thought he could be. His virility was exalted and valorised from the other's virility. It was not only his virility, but also his sentiment, his intelligence, his body, his same life. Julien was grateful for all that to Snot, grateful and happy.
The same act to penetrate or to be penetrated, which in itself could be crude and a times even vulgar, became the true essence of life, of poetry. It was the tangible expression of their souls melding. It was a sublime, ineffable, sacred rite...
Finally, the day that they had decided to go to Paris to be then able to leave it undisturbed, came. They had carefully chosen the day - it was September 20th. The day after there would be the solemn rite of the Proclamation of the Republic. Paris swarmed with festive crowds. Streams, floods, hordes of populace invaded its squares, boulevards, streets and lanes. A continuous and confused yelling of a thousand dialects and intonations permeated the air. A thousand fashions and costumes from all parts of the country cheered up the sight. The two youths, side by side, in their peasant's clothes decorated with the showy tricolour cockades, plunged into the crowd wandering at random. Their plan was simple - they would wait for the day after looking for groups coming from the Lille area, they would join them and then, with the first group going back home they would leave Paris and travel with them to Lille. From there they would reach Belgium.
They were moving so, without a goal when, suddenly, a group of people coming from a side lane invaded the street they were walking. In a moment the two youths were divided. At once they both, struggling against that human current separating them, tried to cross that compact wall of moving bodies. Jumping and waving their arms and calling each other not to lose sight of the other, they tried to reunite. Several minutes elapsed and they were near joining again, when Julien saw appear before him a servant of his castle who, recognizing him at once in spite of his disguise, grasped him by his clothes.
While Julien wriggled and Snot, confusedly aware that something was happening to his Julien, worried himself trying to reach him, the servant exclaimed, "Ha, the young Jambville! This time you can't escape me!" and at once started to shout, asking for help from the people around them, denouncing him as an aristocrat.
Julien at once was seized by several hands and when at last Snot was near him, he was aware that he would not be able to free him by himself.
Somebody shouted, "Let's hang him!"
Then Snot shouted at his turn, "No! We will deliver him to the National Guard! We are not murderers. We just want justice!"
Fortunately the servant recognized him and at once adhered to his proposal. "Sure, I caught him! And I say, we will deliver him to the authority. Help me, Jaquot, and if there is a reward, I will split it with you."
Snot felt like dying, but seized Julien's arm and hoped that his hold was sufficient to make him understand he could do nothing else to try to rescue him, and had to pretend to be his enemy. However, while forcing their way through the crowd searching for the Guards, Snot was asking himself how he could really manage to rescue his lover. Possibly, seizing the right moment, they could free themselves from the other and run away together... Snot started to look around to decide the right place and moment to try to flee, when a squad of National Guards emerged in the crossroad not far away from them. The servant immediately started to call them aloud.
Snot then whispered to Julien, "Now. Flee! Fast!" and at his turn ran away. However at once he heard Julien yell and looking back, had just time to see that the guards had caught him. He stopped and was about to run again to his friend, when he realized that he could do nothing more, and that on the contrary, he risked being arrested, since by running he had betrayed himself. So he let the mass of people that was gathering around the squad to enjoy the scene of an aristocrat's arrest, swallow him, and transport him away. He was prey of a downheartedness pulling out from under him any strength, any energy, any ability to simply reflect.
He wandered in that state all night long, dazed with grief, and almost didn't notice the rising of the new day. He roamed also all the next day, and deep inside he almost hoped to be recognized, to be caught, in the illusion that in doing so he would be able to be once again near his Julien. That evening, while he was turning a street corner, he crashed into somebody. He mechanically apologized, while the other muttered something, and looked at his face.
"Blade! You are the Blade!"
The man looked at him from head to toe, frowning, then asked, "D'you know me? Who be you?"
"But, how, Blade, don't you remember me? It's me, Snot!"
The Blade looked at him more carefully, then burst in laughter and, giving a slap on the boy's shoulder, said, "Ha, my tender little ass! Fuckin' shit, you have became a young man now! An' you be beautiful. Let me feel... mmmhhh, always a great little ass, you got! What be you doin' here? Some good business?"
"And you, Blade?"
"Ah, at last I've been able t'leave the forest. The fact I killed an aristocrat nowadays not only be no longer a crime, but an heroic deed. So, I have come back t' the civilized world, after so many years. An' I got now an even better position than before."
"Do you work?"
"Workin', me? Who d' you think I be? I'm just able to milk. But not cows, no... I'm skilled in milkin' money from my fellow men, from the dolts. I d' business, I make bets, I d' the go- between... in all the senses. Now you can earn good money helping the aristocrats t' hide, t' communicate amongst 'em, t' flee. An' you can also earn good money arrangin' for 'em t' be caught. So, I enrich at the expenses of the late monarchy and of the baby republic."
"Do you help aristocrats flee away?"
"Yes an' no. Just some a' them. But I help 'em t' hide, yes, I do, at least as long as they pay. Then, if they don't pay no more, I report 'em an' pocket the reward."
The Blade laughed, amused at his own shrewdness. However, Snot, who in different conditions would have been sickened by that cynic and mean activity, now was just thinking that their encounter could possibly be providential.
"So, you must know lots of important people and have lots of useful friends, isn't it?"
"Eh, sure. For my activities t'is the minimum."
"And you also have many good hideouts..."
"Sure. But I never have 'em caught in one a' my hideouts. I would not have 'em burn it."
"But, you really helped some of them escape?"
"Some a' them, yes, but not too many. Let's say that I am... partial."
"But you will help me, Blade, right?"
"T' d' what?"
"I've a problem. Where can we talk safely?"
"Here, walking in the street, be the safest place. So, then, help you d' what?"
"I... a friend of mine has been caught by the National Guard. I must help him escape."
"Caught? For what? In these times just aristocrats and murders be caught. All the others be left quiet, includin' thieves an' swindlers. You aren't tryin' t' help an aristocrat, by chance?"
"He is my friend. I don't want evil happening to him."
"But you, what side be you? You a close friend with a noble man? What a bullshit... Unless you... You an' him?"
"Yes, sure. We are lovers."
"I hope at least t'is you that be buggerin' him."
"That doesn't matter. Will you help me, then?"
"Make him escape from prison? You ask little! An'... how much can I earn, if I help you? It must be a big sum, t' convince me t' try."
"I have little money..."
"Then, there be nothing to do."
"You have to help me, Blade!" the boy shout in a state half way between fury and desperation.
"Hey, hey, hey! But then you be really in love! With a male!"
"Also when you buggered me, I was a male."
"That were different. First, you were a kid, an' kids be almost like girls. Second, I were not in love with you. I just fucked you, period."
"Well, on the contrary I am in love with him. But that doesn't matter at all. Will you help me?"
"I told you - what's my advantage?"
"If you don't help me, you have to kill me."
"T' kill you? What nonsense be you talking? What meaning has that? Why I have t' help you or t' kill you?"
"Yes, because, if you don't help me, I'll kill you."
"Hey, hey, hey, the cockerel!"
They looked in each other eyes for a while, then the Blade said with a low voice, "I feel you would really try t' kill me. You be completely mad. But, at this point, you be right - I have t' help you or t' kill you."
"So, then?"
"So then? So come with me. We have t' talk about it more calmly. Perhaps I'll help you, perhaps I'll kill you."
Snot knew, on instinct, that also the Blade was speaking seriously. "Agreed, then. Let's go."
They went at a good pace, the Blade one pace before to guide, the boy back tailing him, plunged in his thoughts. The Blade entered a corridor, crossed a court yard, passed another corridor and arrived at another courtyard. On a side there was a door covered by a worn out cloth pretending to be a curtain. The Blade shifted it and waved Snot to enter. The room was half dark and a ruffled and wiry woman was busying herself at the stoves.
"Félicie, I brought a guest."
The woman mumbled something inaudible, then concluded in a clear voice, "... anyway it's yer money."
They sat at a table crammed with crusts of hard bread and a bazaar of various objects. The Blade bent close to Snot's ear. "Félicie be a wonderful pick pocket. The most skilled I ever met. She can also stop doing it with all the money I give her, but she likes it, she be an artist." Then talking with a normal voice, he said, "So, then, explain t' me everything."
Snot nodded toward the woman with an interrogative air but the Blade said, "I trust her even more than my mother. What I know, she knows, an' from that mouth not even a word slips out. You can talk without worry."
So Snot told the Blade what had happened. The man asked him some questions, while the woman seemed engrossed in what she was cooking on the stove. Snot answered all.
At the end, the Blade said, "I don't know, I can't yet decide. I don't say you a yes or a no. First I have to discover where they keep him, what he be accused of, and who will be his judge an' when, an' after knowing all that, I'll tell you if it be worth trying or not. But I never done anything for nothing an' you are not an exception. What will you give me in exchange?"
"Blade, all I have is a small two room house at the edge of the Bois de Boulogne, small and all, but secluded."
"It could be useful for my business..."
"Well I'll give it to you. The day I see Julien free, it will be yours."
"It be not said that if I don't succeed it will be my fault. An' then, I could need to pay somebody. You give me your house now, an' I'll try."
"And who tells me that you will instead try to cheat on me as you do with the people you hide?"
"Nobody, Snot, nobody. Either you trust me, or you don't."
"Trust you? After what you told me?"
"Well, we can do so - first, I gather information. If I think it possible, you give me your house an' I will busy myself. If not, friends like before."
"It must be possible!"
"Tomorrow I will see. For tonight... Eat something with us, you'll be my guest, right Félicie?"
"Sure! Do you have a place t' sleep, boy?"
"Not here in Paris..."
"Good, so you will sleep with us," the Blade said.
"Hey you! You sleep with me. He, we will put a pallet behind the closet. Don't try t' be too smart, with me. You be with me, now, you don't run any more after boys or whores, understand?"
The Blade laughed aloud, "But I would like to taste him again, now that he has ripened! Just to check the difference."
"No, eh! The boy, you don't try to touch him, understand?"
Snot listened to them. For the first time he could see Félicie's face and he liked the woman's expression. She had a decided and strong expression, a mouth and nose like an urchin, and a malicious light flickered inside her dark eyes.
The woman looked at the boy. "An' you, don't try t' be smart with my man, agreed? He will help you an' will not cheat on you, you got Félicie's word! But you, remain at your place, eh."
"Sure, Madame."
"Madame! Hahaha! The madames go t' the guillotine, in these times, my boy. But you, tell me, women, really they don't turn you on?"
"I don't know, I never did it with one. But with males, I love it so much, I don't feel like changing."
"Each one his own way, eh? And he, is he handsome?"
"Who, Julien? Wonderful. And then, I feel good with him. He has all to please me, how he talks, how he thinks, all..."
"And how happens you went with a noble, one like you? Did he put his hands on you?"
"No, it's me who started, when I understood he liked me. At first he didn't want to, but then... I liked him for a lot of years, since I was a little kid, since when the Blade was buggering me."
The woman slyly smiled. "The Blade, as you call him, be skilled. For real, he be very skilled with his tool, even if he uses it a little too much shamelessly with too many people."
The Blade intervened. "Hey, you two! Stop talkin' about me as if I was not here. All right, tomorrow I will see what I can do to help you, Snot."
"I don't like you calling him Snot. What's your name, boy?" Félicie said.
"I never had a name, or I have too many... Julien calls me Luc, now."
"Let it be Luc, then." the woman said, starting to distribute the meal.