DAAL
I woke up: Amin was still asleep, still curled against my body. His
ruffled hair tickled my cheek. I moved away from him very slowly so as
not to awaken him, and carefully tucked the rug around his body. When I
had done this I stretched and did some physical exercises to find again
the full elasticity of my muscles. My Lord woke up and arose. He came to
stand near me and, in silence, copied my exercises.
I asked him: "Did you have a good sleep?"
"Enough. I had strange dreams. I need to wash, I feel dirty: there is no
water nearby?"
"It is possible, but probably it would be better if we remain a little
dirty - we will seem a little more genuine. And we also have to sell
this horse: it would seem strange that two mountain boys own such a
beautiful animal. We have to find two donkeys: in the mountains they are
more useful than a horse. I thought that we could go through the
mountains and look for a donkey breeders village. Possibly my village
also. But before we do, you have to learn to express yourself better as
a mountain boy..."
Amin nodded yes: "If we go to your village, people would not ask you who
I am? Your family would not be curious about me? What can we say?"
"Yes, they will certainly be curious. I was thinking, in fact, that I
should go on myself and exchange the horse for a couple of donkeys.
Probably my father would accept the exchange, but I do not know...
Anyway, I know well the area of my village and it would be easy for me
to hide you. For a while we can stop there and then move more east, or
north. We can go towards Baghdad to ask for protection from the
Khalifa..."
"I do not know if the Khalifa would grant me protection or instead hand
me over to Mussa's power... No, for the moment I just have to make
everybody forget my existence. I do not want, and can not undertake,
long term projects. For the moment let us live day by day and place our
trust in Allah's hands."
We left, going deeper into the mountains, heading more or less in the
direction of my village. I was not really sure about the way to follow,
but I hoped not to be too much mistaken. We passed a valley and here, at
evening, we met a shepherd with his few goats. I asked him if he knew
where my village was. He was not able to give me any indications, but he
said that deeper in the valley was his village and that probably the old
men there could show me the way. Being late evening, he invited us to
stop with him for the night. He lit a fire and offered us a share of his
food: a little fermented milk, boiled herbs and a piece of bread. We
thanked him and ate with him. Then we rested near the fire, talking.
When Amin left a moment to relieve himself, the shepherd, staring at me
with shining eyes, said:
"He is really a nice lad. Tonight it will be cold, I would like to offer
him to join me on my rug..."
"Why? He will sleep with me as always..." I answered a little
dumbfounded, without understanding.
He gave a ghost of a malicious smile: "You have him when you want. I've
nothing if not my goats, for my pleasure. Such a beautiful lad will be a
lot better, do you not think?"
I understood then what the man was aiming at and answered, curtly: "No,
the boy sleeps with me tonight."
"Come on! You can give up your boy for once, in exchange for the
hospitality I offered you. You want to be the only one to enjoy him?"
"He is my brother and not my boy. And I don't want him coming with you
or with anybody."
"Well, he is grown up enough, no? Why do you not leave the decision to
him? Possibly he doesn't at all dislike doing..."
"I forbid you to ask him: he yet knows nothing of those things..."
At that moment Amin came back. He had heard our last words and
understood that we were talking about him, so he wanted to know what was
about. I tried to lead the talk in a different direction but the
shepherd proposed to him, quite clearly, that Amin give himself to him
for the night. I was embarrassed and very angry at the same time. Amin
then answered, with great simplicity but determination:
"I will sleep with my brother, as always. Rather, since tomorrow morning
we want to leave early, it will be better to go to sleep immediately,
right Nadim?"
He prepared our rug, arranging it between our horse and the fire. He put
the haversack under the rug to form a kind of pillow and lay down waving
me to join him. Then he tidied the rug carefully and huddled against me.
The shepherd did not say another word. After a while he too laid his rug
at the other side of the fire and went to sleep. I found it hard to fall
asleep, I feared that during the night the man would try to approach -
actually I doubted he had renounced so easily his desire. But the night
went quietly, without problems. The following morning we thanked the
shepherd for his hospitality and we rode again on our way.
As soon as we were a little distance away, Amin said: "That shepherd
wanted to have sex with me..."
"Right..."
"It happens often for two males to have sex between them?"
"Sometimes, yes. Expecially between youths of similar ages. But at times
also between an adult and a boy."
"And how is it?"
"I have no idea: it never happened to me."
"Then why did you not want it to happen to me?"
"Because you are my Lord and I could not allow a rough shepherd to make
you subject to his sexual desires. Moreover, the Imam said to me that it
is something not to be done."
"He said that to you? He in person? And why?"
I told him of my conversation with the Imam. Then I related the
confidence made to me on that last night by Abdul about his relationship
with Khamel. Amin seemed struck by the fact that there had been a rumor
about his guards having sex between them, but then concluded:
"If it was true, and if it is a wrong thing as you were instructed, now
that they have shed their blood to protect me I am sure that Allah would
all the same welcome them to his paradise, do you not think?"
"Yes, I too believe that."
"Moreover... Abdul and Khamel and all the others, they were all splendid
boys: I do not believe they would have done anything bad or wrong...
especially if they loved each other." Amin concluded thoughtfully.
We talked about different matters until we arrived in view of the
village. Here, we asked for directions to my village. At last an aged
man said he knew where it was and showed me the way. We carried on: we
had to cross four more valleys. We could have moved down to the plain,
it would have cost us less time and less toil, but I preferred to avoid
the flatter ground, because there we would have been more likely to meet
people and perhaps also Mussa's men. I had noticed that in the village
they did not yet know what had happened in the capital and we preferred
to say nothing, not to say we had come from there.
In one of the valley we crossed was a flowing stream. As soon as Amin
saw it, he asked me to stop so he could wash. I willingly obeyed. While
I was tying the horse, he rapidly undressed and ran into the flowing
water, sitting in the middle of the stream so that only his shoulders
emerged.
He shouted to me: "Brrr, it is cold, but it is good! Come in, hurry up!
It is good!"
"I prefer rather to be on watch."
"But who can come here? Come in, come in!"
"No, you never know..."
I insisted on remaining near the horse, and also near the haversack with
the weapons. Amin splashed about for a while, vigorously rubbing all his
body. At times his carefree laughter resounded high over the murmur of
the flowing water. I liked to look at him being that way, finally happy.
I really felt as if I was looking at my little brother. When he came out
of the stream, dripping water, my eyes dropped to the level of his groin
and finally I saw the black clover between his groin fold and his liver.
Amin noticed my look and, coming near me, said: "You are looking at the
clover? The astrologer said that it is the mark of my luck... We will
see if it is true. I will need all my luck and more, to succeed in my
endeavours."
"You can always rely on me, my Lord, totally."
"I am Khaled, your younger brother, never forget it." he said smiling.
"Yes, sorry. But you remain always my sovereign."
"Even naked like this?" he joked.
"Always."
He laughed. He did not dress but lay down on the grass to dry under the
sun. Then said:
"You cannot be always on watch, you also have to live your life. Why you
do not go and bathe now?"
"I do not want to be far from you."
"When you need to relieve yourself, you go away, right? So, go, now!" he
insisted laughing.
Actually I too felt the need to clean up a little, so at last I
accepted. I undressed, putting my feet into the water and, cupping it
with my hands, carefully washed myself. Then went back towards Amin to
fetch my clothes. He looked carefully at me from head to feet, then
said:
"Your body is really nice to see. I have to do lot of exercise if I want
to grow like you. Why do we not do a little of it now?"
"Ok, let us get dressed, then we can train."
We ran a long while, then I cut two branches and we did a little
fighting, attacking and defending in turn, and finally he asked me to
teach him to climb trees. At the end we both were out of breath but
happy. We resumed our walk.
Along the way he asked me: "When we get to your village, I do not feel
like being hidden. But we can no longer say that I am your brother
Khaled..."
"Of course not. But I will continue to call you Khaled. I can say that
you are... a pageboy of Prince Amin... that you fled with me... No, I
cannot say that I fled, my family would chase me away from home."
"But your family knows that you are a Prince's Guard?"
"No, I do not think so... therefore we can say that we were both pupils
of the Imam at the Great Masjid and that we were sent away before the
fight, that we know nothing about... No, this is no good, either: with
this horse we would have arrived at the village long before..."
"Well, we can say that we stopped at my village, you know the one where
they showed us the road..."
"Yes, that is true. But why did they send we away? And how does it come
about that we have this horse? Two former students would not be so
wealthy..."
"It would not be more simple to just tell the truth?"
"No. If one day Mussa's men come to investigate at the village, somebody
could talk... it would be too dangerous. Perhaps if I went back alone it
would be more simple, but I do not like the idea of leaving you alone.
It is a big mess. And it is not beyond possibility that they have been
there already. It would be probably better to just not go to my
village..."
"No, I would like to meet the real Khaled and... Listen: we were not
sent away from the Masjid, but we fled when the Imam was slaughtered. We
stole the horse from a dead soldier of Mussa! I think that way
everything will fit together, right?"
I nodded. We settled the details and by the time we were in sight of my
village, we had agreed on everything.
RAA
Before we went to my father's home, we stopped at the local masjid where
we told our story for the first time. The mullah was deeply moved by the
news we gave him and really grieved for the Shaikh's and the Imam's
death. We said also that Prince Amin had been killed. While we were on
our way to my father's home, the mullah sent 'Omar to convene the
village seniors to inform them of the terrible news we had brought.
Arriving at my home, we were welcomed effusively by the whole family.
Here also we told our story, and it was accepted without problem.
At the end my father asked me: "What do you mean to do now? You want to
stay here in the village?"
"No, father. I would like, with my friend, to start again to be a donkey
breeder, but elsewhere. Therefore I thought to ask you to take the horse
and to give us in change two donkeys, a male and a female, so that he
and I can start to breed by ourselves, elsewhere."
My father shook his head: "What can I do with a horse? I never had
horses before. And this is a breeding horse... And I really cannot give
away a mare."
My elder brother came to my help: "Take the horse, we can sell it for
good money to the nomad tribe that will pass downhill in two months as
they do every year: the are always looking for beautiful animals. And
also, all considered, we have enough mares. You can give him one..."
My father seemed rather annoyed by my brother's intervention and reacted
touchily:
"Then do as you like: in any case in a short while all will be yours! If
you want to decide even before I'm dead..."
I regretted being cause of this quarrel, but my elder brother did not
answer him and said to me, quietly:
"You will stop for a few days?"
"Yes, with pleasure."
"Well. So we will have occasion to talk again of this. I will tell my
wife Laila to prepare a bed for you two."
Given that we were stopping there for some days, I asked my father to
entrust me with some donkeys to take to graze, both to pass the time and
to make myself useful. It was also a good chance to start teaching Amin
the donkey breeder's work. By this time the colder season was
approaching, so the donkeys were not led very far from the village and
each night they were brought back to the stable. My Lord took a great
interest in this work and this surprised me agreeably.
One day, I was searching for firewood and let Amin alone with five
donkeys, not far away. When I returned, Amin came towards me with a
worried expression:
"Nadim, a donkey escaped! I had untied him thinking to ride him and..."
I got angry and said to him: "I told you not to untie them! You deserve
to be spanked!"
I immediately regretted these words and apologized for the hard tone I
had used with him. He looked at me sadly, then said, seriously:
"You are right to scold me. I have not been able to carry out well my
duties. Now you have to spank me."
"Never in the world! I never could raise my hands to you! Rather,
forgive me, I beg you."
"No no, I deserve it and now you have to punish me."
"My lord, I pray you, do not pull my leg! I spoke recklessly, I was
wrong, forgive me..."
"No, it is me who is wrong, not you. Now you have to punish me exactly
as you would do with your little brother."
I was embarrassed, I continued to refuse to beat him but he was
unyielding and at last I had to give in. I sat on a stump, made him lay
over my legs and spanked him. When I was over, he stood up and thanked
me. I, more and more embarrassed, looked at him and noticed that he had
a tear shining in a corner of his eye:
"I hurt you, my Lord, forgive me." I said with a lump in my throat.
"No. Nobody punished me before. You did not hurt my body: it is my pride
that has been hurt. But, after all, I needed that. 'This torture is due
to their crimes; Allah, in fact, is not unjust with his servants'."
"Al Qur'an, VIII, 53." I said recognizing the verse, "But I am your
servant..." I whispered, and, by impulse, I embraced him and held him
tightly against me and he also embraced me fircely. Then I said gently:
"Let us go to look for him, Khaled: perhaps we can still find him, with
Allah's help."
We stood up and were going to search for the fled animal when a high
bray made us turn: the donkey had come back by himself and now was
looking at us with his big wet eyes, just waiting for us to tie him
again! I approached him and took him by the halter: the animal followed
me docilely and let me tie him in his place. Then I looked at Amin who
now was smiling, calm and relieved and he said:
"You know, I think that you are right when you say that donkeys do
understand: I would not be surprised if he did it on purpose, to make me
understand how stupid is my pride that made me believe that anything
comes to my mind is justified because I am a Shaikh... even if without a
territory and a people."
"But you have me!" I said impulsively.
"Yes, I have you. Allah is kind!"
Some days passed, then my elder brother told me that we could take a
couple of donkeys: he had succeeded in persuading our father. He also
gave me a goatskin for water and some tools that could be useful in our
travels. We decided to lead for a while a nomadic life, like our
ancestors. We left early one morning, farewelled by all my family and
especially by my brother Khaled who had become friends with Amin. Riding
the two donkeys we left the village. The mullah had presented me with a
map so that we could better plan our moves. We had decided to go back up
towards Tabuk, Al Bi'r, Ma'an, along the old road to Damascus and then
to go farther than the big town, even more north, so as to be completely
out of Mussa's and his possible allies territories. Avoiding the coast
road we had chosen the most difficult way but, I hoped, the most safe.
Since the incident when my Lord had ordered me to punish him, something
had subtly changed in our relationship, not so much on my part but on
his. Now, he had a more spontaneous attitude towards me, more simple and
direct, more open than before. His simplicity was conquering me and I
felt developing in me a new sentimentality towards him, deeper than
ever. If before I had for my Lord respect, devotion and fidelity, now I
had also admiration and love. Now he was for me more precious than the
most precious of goods. I was looking at him with new eyes and was more
and more conquered by him. Had he asked me, I would have thrown myself
on the fire for him. I was grateful to Allah that He had chosen me to
serve Amin in these difficult times. And I was happy...
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