Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2010 13:03:16 +0100
From: Otto Tannenbaum <otto.tannenbaum@gmail.com>
Subject: A DAD'S DILEMMA

In a little over a month my son Kenny will be leavin' for college.  I'll be
drivin' him up there an' droppin' him off, sayin' goodbye knowin' that's
pretty much the last I'll see of him.  Oh, I dare say he'll come for
Thanksgiving and the holidays the first year but after that I don't expect
to see much of him.

Who can blame him when he's got an alcoholic mother an' a father who's so
snowed under with work nowadays I barely get time to see him.  What's to
keep Kenny from forgettin' he even has parents?  It worries me, it really
does, that I won't even get an occasional phone call from him lettin' me
know he's doin' OK once he's started on this new chapter in his life.

Bearing all this in mind I thought it'd be nice to do somethin' special
with my son before he went off an' started college life.  Somethin' he
could remember an' look back on with fond memories.  He's had precious few
of those growin' up with a mom who'd rather drink a bottle of vodka than
come watch her son play a game of football every once in a while.

She doesn't get up until after I've left for work an' she's either sprawled
out on the couch or already in bed dependin' on when I get home at night.

Early on I tried to involve myself as much as possible with my son's
interest in sport.  I encouraged Kenny as much as I could an' even managed
to coach him an' the team for one season.  That's not possible now but I do
make sure I find the time to go and cheer him on whenever he's playin'.

You know, I often wonder where the years have gone.  It doesn't seem that
long ago I used to have Kenny in the bath with me an' I can still remember
his first steps an' the first word he ever spoke: "Dada".  Not "Mama" but
"Dada".  That should tell you all you need to know about how long Betty's
been drinkin' an' the kind of interest she took raisin' our son.

Kenny's had it hard over the years but for all that he's grown up to be the
kind of son a father can be proud of.  He does most of the housework now,
makin' sure I have somethin' hot to eat when I get in at night.  An'
there's always a fresh uniform for work the next day.  He's a great kid an'
I'm lucky to have him for my son.  But everyone tells me he's only like
that 'cause I've been such a good father.

All the same, for the past few years I've been savin' like crazy to put
some money aside for Kenny's college fund.  I want him to devote as much of
his time to studyin' an' playin' football while he's in college instead of
havin' to work in order to save up money to buy books an' stuff.  Lord
knows he works hard enough at home not expectin' to be paid for it, so it's
good I'll finally be able to pay him back with a nice fat check for
everythin' he's done for me an' Betty over the years.

"Doug," I said to my deputy just last week while we were sittin' parked up
in the cruiser behind the billboard on the road leadin' into town. "You
know Kenny's off to college soon, I've been tryin' to rack my brains for
somethin' to do with him before he goes – somethin' special, somethin'
he can keep as a treasured memory of him an' his dad.  I'd appreciate it if
you could suggest somethin' 'cause I'm findin' it difficult to think
worryin' about what I should do about his mom an' everythin' else."

Doug's only been with the force for a few months now but in that time we've
really bonded.  He reminds me of Kenny in some ways so I've kinda taken him
under my wing – I know he's gonna make a good cop but I can't help
worryin' about him when I send him out each mornin' after we've finished
the briefing.

"Take care out there, Doug," I tell him.  There's some dangerous people out
there but it's mostly people's stupidity that can put our lives in peril.

Doug seems happy enough to work alongside me whenever I tell him we'll be
workin' together.  I feel like I should keep an eye on him - an' see how
he's progressin' mainly.  I know this is gonna sound stupid but I worry
about Doug as much as I worry about Kenny an' sometimes I'd just like to
give him a hug.

At 23 years old he's really not that much older than Kenny either.  He's
married already with one kid an' another on the way an' he tells me he's
real happy about it but I can see in his eyes he's putting on a front.
He's taken on too much at too early an age.  Why else would he choose to
spend so much time in the gym with me after work when he could be at home
with his wife decoratin' the nursery?

"Why don't you take him up to the lake for the weekend, Otto, just the two
of you?" Doug suggested.  "I know if you were my daddy I'd appreciate you
takin' the time to spend a couple of days with me, bearin' in mind how busy
you are with work an' all."

I thanked Doug for his suggestion an' told him I'd mention it to Kenny.
Maybe some time away together with my son would be good for both us –
somethin' I could look back on with fond memories as much as I hoped Kenny
would.

But when I mentioned it to him he wasn't too keen on it.  "We can go up to
the cabin anytime, Dad," he told me.  It felt like someone punched me in
the gut when Kenny said he didn't want to go with me.

I explained to him I wanted to do somethin' special with him before he
disappeared off to college an' he said he'd really like that an' he'd give
it some thought an' get back to me.

But then, just the other day somethin' happened – somethin' truly
special - which I've been givin' a lot of thought to.  In fact, I haven't
been able to think about much else since it happened.

It was Wednesday night, an' you know what Wednesdays are like.  They can be
the worst even at the best of times.  I didn't get home until after eleven,
exhausted.  Along with Doug an' the guys from the local fire department I'd
spent the last three hours cuttin' a couple of kids out of a car they'd
stolen an' taken for a joyride.  They crashed it into a tree an' wrote it
off after Doug an' me were in pursuit.  The two of us held their hands as
the firefighters tried to cut 'em free with their specialist cuttin'
equipment.

Doug was as upset as I was for those kids as, all cut up an' bawlin' for
their moms.  We tried to comfort them as best we could with our words,
tellin' 'em they'd soon be free an' everything'd be OK.  Anyway, after a
lot of careful work our buddies from the fire department eventually managed
to cut 'em free an' get 'em to the hospital.  Turned out they weren't much
older than Kenny an' if he didn't have such a good head on his shoulders I
knew one of those kids could just as easily have been my son lyin' there in
that wreck.

When I got home I saw Kenny'd left a note on the table tellin' me there was
some food keepin' warm in the oven for me an' a fresh uniform already laid
out for the mornin'.  Didn't I tell you he's a great kid?  I ate it quickly
grateful for the comfort havin' somethin' warm in my belly gave me an' then
I went an' had a shower.

I'd spent at least ten minutes under the powerful jet of water, lettin' the
heat an' the force of it wash away my aches an' pains when all of a sudden
I had this terrific urge to make sure Kenny was wrapped up safe in bed like
he should be.

After dryin' myself off I tied the towel around my waist and made my way to
Kenny's room.  I opened the door as quietly as I could an' poked my head
inside. There was Kenny in his bed, sound asleep.

"Think I'll just stay a while an' watch him," I said to myself an' stepped
into his room an' sat myself down in the easy chair he has by the window.

The curtains were drawn back an' moonlight was floodin' into the room as I
sat in the chair in the pale light an' took comfort in knowin' my son was
safe as I watched him sleep.  I don't know how long I'd been sittin' there
but I must've fallen asleep 'cause I woke with a start when I heard Kenny
call out, "Dad, is that you?"

"Yeah son," I said gettin' up an' goin' over to where he lay.  "Didn't mean
to frighten you.  I just wanted to make sure you were OK."

"You were asleep," he said to me.

"Yeah, it's been a tough day," I told him rubbin' my face with my hands.
Kenny shuffled over to the far side of his bed an' held the thin cotton
sheet coverin' him open.

"Get in," he said.

I really didn't think it'd be appropriate for me to get into bed with my
18-year-old son.

"My towel's wet," I told him after thinkin' for a whole minute for a
suitable excuse other than I didn't think it'd be wise.

"Take if off then," he said soundin' tired.

You wanted to do somethin' special with your son, I told myself as I stood
there.  Well, what could be more special than havin' an opportunity like
this to hold 'im an' tell 'im I loved him an' I was gonna miss him when he
finally went away.

I undid the towel around my waist an' let it drop to the floor an' got into
bed with my son.  Kenny turned on his side away from me, but not like when
Betty used to do it.  She'd try an' get as far away from me as she could,
scared I might touch her.  Then, one day, she told me it'd be better for
all concerned if I slept in the spare room, which is where I've been
consigned to ever since.

Kenny backed up an' pressed his body against mine an' I put an arm over
him, under his arm, an' I held onto him.  He closed his hand over mine, our
fingers interlockin', and let out a sigh.  I could feel my cock pressed
against Kenny's smooth firm ass an' he didn't seem to mind when I grew hard
though I was as embarrassed as hell.

"I can only stay a few minutes," I told him, hopin' he hadn't noticed my
big fat dick - as big as the check I was plannin' givin' him in a couple
weeks time - beat a tattoo against his ass.

"That's OK," he said as he squeezed my hand.

It felt good to be naked an' to have some physical contact with someone at
last – even if it was my son.  Betty wouldn't trust me to be able to
control my feelings if we were naked in bed together.  I resented that
accusation an' I told her so.  What does she know anyway?

I didn't get round to tellin' Kenny all the things I wanted to 'cause the
sound of his breathin' an' the rise an' fall of his chest sent me to sleep
again within minutes an' I didn't wake up until mornin', the moonlight of
the night before replaced by the new day's strong golden sunlight fillin'
the room.  I was on my back with my arm around my son an' he had his head
on my chest an' a hand over my left pec while his fingers raked
absentmindedly through my chest hair scratchin' my nipple.

I felt Kenny's hard cock, the heat an' hardness of it, pressin' against my
left hip, which wasn't alone in bein' in that state 'cause I realized with
a smile that for the first time in what seemed like years I'd awoken with
mornin' wood an' erect vulcanized nipples.

Both the bed and Kenny were warm an' I would've given anythin' to spend the
rest of the day in his room with him.  I turned my head to kiss my son on
the forehead an' told him I really had to go.

"Dad, that was special," he said smilin'.  "Can we do it again?"

"I don't know Kenny," I told him as I swung my legs out of bed an' picked
the towel from the night before up off the floor.  "I don't think it'd be a
good idea."

I stood up givin' my son a good look at what I considered to be a still
pretty impressive-lookin' set of cheeks an' tied the towel round my waist.

I'd really like to sleep in the same bed as my son again but what happened
has to be a one-off I told myself.  It was all perfectly innocent an'
nothin' happened, but I couldn't help thinkin' maybe Betty was right.  If I
was to sleep in the same bed as my son again I might not be able to control
myself, an' as a father an' a cop that thought frightened me.

But I want to tell him all those things I've been thinkin' about for so
long now: that I appreciate everythin' he's done for me.  For seein' that I
was fed an' had a clean, pressed uniform every day, an' that I love him,
that I'll miss him when he's away an' that he's the best son a father could
have.  And for some strange reason I think I'd like to tell him when we're
naked an' sharin' his bed 'cause I think he'd realize I meant it an' I
wasn't just bein' a sentimental old fool.

I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone but me, whether I'm doin'
the right thing wantin' to spend another night with my son like I did last
week an' open my heart to him.  All I know is time's runnin' out an' I'd
sure appreciate some independent, unbiased advice from anyone able to look
at this whole thing an' offer some level-headed advice.  Someone who's
emotionally removed from all of this an' can tell me what I should do for
the best.

I know this is a longshot but if there's anyone out there who's found
themselves in a similar situation an' is willin' to tell me what they think
I should do I'd be interested to hear from you.  If you think I'm makin'
too much out of this an' should just spend another night with my son an'
tell him how I feel you know where you can contact me.

Same goes I guess if you think I already overstepped the mark an' should
steer clear of bein' within as much as a hundred feet of my son while we're
naked.  Any advice would be appreciated.

Either way, I just hope you can understand the dilemma I'm faced with.

From a worried father an' a good cop

Officer Otto Tannenbaum