Date: Tue, 26 Oct 2010 13:35:18 +0100
From: Otto Tannenbaum <otto.tannenbaum@gmail.com>
Subject: A DAD'S DILEMMA PART THREE

First of all let me apologize for the time it's taken to let you guys know
what's happened in my life since the last time I wrote. You can probably
understand that with everythin' that's goin' on it's been difficult to find
time to put pen to paper, so to speak, an' I also wanted to make sure that
what I put down was a true an' accurate representation of both what's
happened an' of my feelings.

That's always been somethin' I've had trouble expressin' before an' bearin'
in mind what's transpired it's important I try my best to get it right
'cause I know that by the time I finish tellin' my story your opinion of me
is gonna change.

I know I said in my last posting I'd tell you about me an' my dad when I
was younger but I thought I better get you up to speed about Kenny an' me
first. So that's gonna have to wait until another time now.

Kenny left for college the first weekend of October. I took him up there
myself, along with all his stuff, an' dropped him off feelin' more
confident now in the knowledge that Kenny'd be home for Thanksgiving. We
had a series of heart-to-hearts an' really opened up to each other in the
last couple of weeks before he had to leave an' it was even more emotional
than I thought it'd be. But we cleared the air an' Kenny's in no doubt
about how much he means to me. It all started like this:

Two weeks before Kenny left I came home from work even later than usual
havin' gone to the gym with Doug in order to work off some of the
frustration I was feelin' after a long day gettin' nowhere with an arson
case we were investigatin' - only to find my son still up waitin' for
me. As usual there was somethin' nutritious on the table for me that he'd
prepared an' I realized that before too long I'd have to start cookin' my
own meals again. But Kenny seemed to be as nervous as a kitten for some
reason – fussin' around an' fidgetin'. It wasn't at all like him.

"Son, it's perfect – everything's just fine. Now go up to bed an' get a
good night's sleep," I told him after he asked me yet again if everythin'
was alright with my meal. "I'm gonna do the same soon as I've had a good
soak in the tub to try an' get some a these knots out of my shoulders."

"I'll go up and run your bath if you want," Kenny said as he folded his
arms across his chest, his shoulders hunched, an' wiped his sweaty hands on
the cotton tee shirt under his armpits.

"What's wrong, Son?" I asked sensin' somethin' was botherin' him.

"Nothin'," he answered as he disappeared out the door an' headed upstairs.
I wasn't so sure. He'd been actin' funny for the past couple days an' he
was usually already in bed when I got home this late in the past.

Once I finished eatin' I dropped the dishes in the kitchen sink an' went
upstairs to my bedroom. I undressed down to my shorts an' took a quick look
at myself in the full-length mirror. "Nothin' much wrong there," I said
before headin' for the bathroom. When I opened the door I got the shock of
my life.  Kenny'd really gone to town to try an' make this a relaxin'
experience for me.

Candles covered every bit of shelf space an' the room was warm an'
invitin'.  I just stood an' looked at it for a moment. It was like
somethin' you see on TV – I never even knew we had so many candles in
the house. I wondered where Kenny got 'em - they certainly weren't
somethin' I ever bought when I did the weekly shop.

Then I felt a presence behind me an' when I turned I saw Kenny leanin'
against the door jamb lookin' kinda nervous but with a grin on his face.

"Kenny...," I said, but was lost for words at how beautiful it looked.

"Thought it'd help you relax an' put you in a good mood," Kenny told me.

I peeled off my shorts an' dipped a toe into the water. It was nice an' hot
– just the way I like it – an' I stepped into the bathtub and lowered
my big but tight butt into the water as I let out a long sigh of
appreciation which wasn't just for Kenny's benefit.

Kenny laughed an' was silent for a while before he finally asked, "Dad,
mind if we talk; only there's somethin' I need to tell you."

"Sure, Son," I told him as I felt all the tension that built up durin' the
day begin to melt away in the hot water. Kenny perched himself on the
toilet lid – the one place that didn't have any candles on it. I
realized Kenny purposely left it that way so me an' him could have a little
talk.

God, I hope Kenny's not gonna tell me he's knocked up some girl, I remember
thinkin' as I looked over at my son with some concern, the water coverin'
my chest an' my hairy knees appearin' like two mountainous islands emergin'
from the mists as steam rose from the water.

"What is it, Son?" I asked as I saw how nervous Kenny was. He wiped his
palms on the front of his jeans.

I sat up in the tub an' reached over an' put a wet hand on Kenny's knee an'
gave it a squeeze leavin' a set of my prints on his pants.

"Son, I know we haven't had a good father/son talk in a long while but you
know you can tell me if anything's troublin' you, don't you? You know me
better than to believe I'll be angry with you," I tried to reassure him.

"I know, Dad, but it's difficult," Kenny said, his head bowed an'
deliberately avoidin' eye contact with me, his mouth obviously dry.

"Look at me, Son," I told Kenny an' he slowly raised his head an' looked me
in the eyes. "I think I can guess what it is you're gonna tell me an' I
promise I won't be angry – so just come out with it."

"I can't, Dad," Kenny said. He was tryin' to fight from cryin' an' he
dropped his head again an' pinched the corners of his eyes with a finger
an' the thumb of his left hand.

I hated seein' Kenny so tormented so I stood up an' pulled Kenny to me
givin' him a hug an' gettin' him all wet in the process.

"What is it, Son?" I asked again. Kenny still wouldn't tell me. I didn't
know what to do to try an' help my son but instinctively I grabbed at
Kenny's tee shirt an' pulled it up over his head.

"Dad, what are you doin'?" Kenny asked me, clearly a little stunned that
his drippin'-wet dad was undressin' him.

"You're gettin' in the tub with me an' I'm gonna hold you in my arms an'
then you're gonna tell me what's troublin' you," I told my son.

I helped Kenny out the rest of his clothes an' wasn't surprised to see when
I pulled down his shorts he was sportin' some serious wood. We've seen each
other naked an' hard enough times over the past couple years for it not to
be an issue.

In fact, all of a sudden, I was feelin' pretty horny myself as I held
Kenny's hand while he swung a leg over the side of the bath an' got in with
me. As I sat down I looked up at my son, past his protrudin' pecker, an'
saw him standin' over me lookin' every inch like a young Greek god. Still
holdin' his hand I spread my legs an' guided Kenny down between 'em so his
back was restin' against my chest.

I didn't rush Kenny to open up to me, instead I gave him space to tell me
what he had to in his own sweet time. He was upset enough already an' I
wanted him to tell me what he had to in a calm, measured way. I grabbed the
soap an' started to lather Kenny's chest an' abs, hopin' he'd feel
comfortable enough to share his burden. The tub wasn't really designed to
be used by two people – especially not two people as big as me an' Kenny
– but it was a matter of makin' do with what was available to us.

"I love you, Son," I calmly, quietly told my son as I continued to run my
soapy hands over the smooth tight muscles of his chest and stomach. I made
sure the tone of my voice an' the body contact between us would convince
Kenny he didn't have any reason to fear tellin' me what he had to. "An'
nothin' you tell me is gonna make me think the worst about you. I know the
situation at home is pretty difficult – what with your mom's drinkin' -
but I tried my best to make sure you had as normal an upbringin' as
possible. You've been such a good son to me an' your mom over the years
nothin' you tell me is gonna disappoint me."

Kenny was well relaxed by now – apart from his erection which appeared
to be fiercer than before an' was pointin' up out of the water like a
submarine's periscope - but he still didn't rush to tell me what was
troublin' him an' I didn't press him to speed things along even though it
was already gone midnight.  But after five minutes he still wasn't makin'
any attempt to open up to me.  Instead he seemed content just to be sharin'
a bath with his old man.

Cuppin' water in my hands I rinsed the soap off him an' tried to reassure
him again by tellin' him I loved him. Then I wrapped my arms tight around
him an' held him close against me. "I'm never gonna push you away, Son," I
told him quietly my mouth right at his ear as my lips nipped at the fleshy
lobe. It seemed to do the trick.

"Dad...," Kenny said croakily an' then came to a stop. "I can't tell you
like this," he said an' went to stand up an' get out of the tub.

"You're not goin' anywhere until you've told me what's troublin' you," I
told my son as I caught hold of him an' pulled him to me, makin' sure he
wouldn't get away. "You've been wantin' to tell me somethin' for a couple a
days now an' if now's not the right moment, when we're alone like this, I
don't when it will be. I hate seein' you in so much turmoil, Son."

Kenny didn't try to struggle to escape from me so I knew I was doin' the
right thing by holdin' onto him. I waited until he relaxed when I felt
certain he felt safe again. I kissed Kenny's neck.

"Go on, Son," I said, my voice deep an' hopefully reassurin', my lips
gently brushin' his ear as I encouraged Kenny to tell me that at just 41
years of age I was gonna be a granddaddy.

"...I'm gay," he said finally an' I felt like I was suddenly somewhere
else, somewhere up above, an' I was lookin' down through the steam at the
proceedings below; two men in a tub, one older an' hairier than the other,
the older one with a powerful set of arms wrapped tight around the younger
guy's smooth, muscled chest. The bearish older guy had his chin on the
other one's shoulder an' they just lay there in the tub – like it was
the most natural thing in the world for two men to share a bath together
like that. It took me a while to realize those two men down there were me
an' Kenny. What's wrong with this picture, I remember thinkin' an' came up
with the answer, "Nothin'." An' that's when I found myself back inside my
own body again.

I'm not gonna lie – Kenny tellin' me he was gay was a shock but
thankfully I still had the wherewithal to make sure I didn't loosen my grip
on my son – in fact I seem to remember I held him even more tightly.

"That took guts, Son," I told him in the same voice I used earlier. "Real
courage an' I'm honored you felt you could tell me."

"I thought you'd be angry or disappointed," Kenny said still soundin'
nervous. He was managin' to keep it together but as I turned his head to
look at me I could see the tears brimmin' in his eyes.

"In you? No, never," I said simply. Not angry but, if I'm bein' honest I
was a little disappointed – if only for the fact I wasn't gonna get to
be a grandfather. Not now or ever. "How d'you find out, you know, that you
like guys?" I asked curious to know.

I loosened my grip on my son an' let my hands come to rest on his hard abs,
my fingers interlaced across his stomach. I kissed Kenny on the
shoulder. Relaxin' a little himself now, confident the worst was over an' I
wasn't about to blow my top, Kenny put his hands on top of mine holdin'
them in place.

"I've known for a while," Kenny confessed. "But I wanted to make sure
before I told you."

"An' you're absolutely certain?" I asked hesitantly, not sure I wanted to
hear how come Kenny was so positive. I wasn't yet ready to hear that my
baby boy'd had sex with another man an' that he enjoyed it.

I remember thinkin' this was Betty's doin'. If she wasn't drunk all the
time Kenny wouldn't have to do all the housework when he got in from school
- an' doin' the work of a woman was bound to confuse an impressionable
young guy an' make him wonder about his sexuality.

I tried my best to help Kenny maintain a strong masculine identity by
encouragin' his sportin' interests an' teachin' him to strip a car
engine. An' Kenny always comes along whenever Butch, Randy an' me go on
weekend fishin' trips up to the cabin, but clearly it hadn't been enough
– I'd been fightin' a losin' battle.

You can see Kenny really enjoys all the alpha male posturin' an' friendly
rivalry that goes on durin' those weekends, the roughhousin' an' wrestlin'.
It's not somethin' he puts up with for my sake – he really loves all the
macho bullshit that we indulge in. He gives as good as he gets an' isn't
afraid to join in an' be one of the guys. So him tellin' me he was gay was
a real surprise an' came like a bolt out of the blue. Kenny isn't at all
squeamish about slittin' open the fish an' cleanin' the day's catch with
me, like I imagine most gay men would be, gettin' it ready for supper while
Butch 'n' Randy get the water goin' so we can have some rice an' peas to go
with the fish.

Now I don't mean that as a slight against the gay community, but let's face
it; I bet you could count on the fingers of one hand all the gay man in
this country who'll rough it like we do for a spot of fishin' at the
weekend. Mind you, havin' said that, both Butch `n' Randy – two of the
straightest an' most macho men I can think of - can scream like a couple of
old queens if there's a spider in their bedroom an' won't go back in there
until either Kenny or me sorts it out. So no offence intended.

First time it happened both Kenny an' me went chargin' in there thinkin'
somethin' awful must've happened what with all their caterwaulin' - didn't
even have time to pull on some underwear - only to find Butch `n' Randy
huddled together in bed, their arms around each other, as they tried to
protect themselves from one of the smaller spiders we get up at the cabin.
Kenny an' me just shook our heads in shame at the way those two were
carryin' on an' got rid of the little critter for 'em before goin' back to
our own beds.

After we've eaten, we usually sit round the fire smokin' cigars an'
drinkin' beer, tellin' tall tales. A very civilized way for a bunch a men
to spend the weekend as I'm sure you'll agree – if you don't count
havin' to crap in the woods when we're caught short away from the cabin
that is.

Since Butch `n' Randy are both recently divorced they decided to get a
place together an' split the rent. If you believe all their stories –
an' I'm not sure I do - they've turned into a couple of real pussy hounds
since becomin' single again. I don't know about Kenny but some of the stuff
they come out with damn near makes my toes curl.

While Butch `n' Randy are knockin' back the beer I make sure I set a good
example for Kenny by stickin' to sodas while my buddies get slowly buzzed
an' argue good-naturedly, as they always do, about who caught the biggest
fish or scored the most pussy that week.

Sure they like to let their hair down an' enjoy a drink or two at the
weekend but they always drink responsibly an' never really get totally out
of it. They never get so drunk they end up with their heads down the toilet
pan spewin' their guts up – unlike Betty. Durin' the week they're sober
as judges. I've told Kenny you don't have to get drunk to have a good time
an' I think he knows that, seein' as how it makes his mom so
miserable. Like I think I said before, he's got a good head on his
shoulders an' I really don't think he's gonna make the same mistakes in
life his mom has.

By the end of the evenin' Butch `n' Randy usually end up gettin' so
rat-assed an' rambunctious, stampin' their feet an' kickin' up dirt,
posturin' with puffed up chests like a couple a professional wrestlers off
the TV, they'll strip down to their underwear, literally rippin' off their
shirts, ready to settle the argument by wrestlin' in the dirt in front of
Kenny an' me. Then they'll try their best to get the two of us involved an'
we invariably end up havin' a four -man tag wrestlin' match goin' on. It
isn't always me an' my son against those two though – we'll mix it up on
occasion an' wrestle in different combinations.

Whenever I'm pitted against Butch he always tries to beat me into
submission by sittin' on my face an' pummellin' my rock hard abs –
toughened to a granite- like hardness by a daily regime of crunches an'
other assorted abdominal exercises – with his fist. It wouldn't be so
bad if he was wearin' shorts but I don't think he even owns a pair as the
only thing he seems to wear, winter or summer, at work or leisure, is
jockstraps.

Butch owns more jockstraps than most women have shoes an' in just about any
color you care to mention too. White, black, blue, khaki, pink – yeah,
pink!  an' shockin' pink at that – which I'm prepared to admit looks
pretty good on him when he's got a tan. Butch even has a studded leather
jock which I see him wearin' once when I called by his house with Doug one
afternoon when he an' Randy weren't workin'.

As if gettin' smothered by a great hairy-assed gorilla like Butch - who's a
good thirty pounds heavier than me - wasn't bad enough he says the only
thing that'll make him get off is if I kiss his butt. God knows what Kenny
thinks when he sees his dad bein' deprived of his underwear by a 300#
mountain of a man an' forced into kissin' his hairy ass before he'll let
him up.

I know what you're thinkin': is that any way for four grown men to behave
– well, three grown men an' a 18-year-old – to spend their weekends
rollin' around naked in the dirt fightin' an' drinkin' an' swearin'? But
Kenny loves it an' he's said to me he wishes all four of us could live up
at the cabin fulltime.

No matter how heated the arguments get those two never let a day's fishin'
come between them an' their longstandin' friendship. Why else would they
opt to share a bed up at the cabin when they could have their own rooms? I
tell 'em Kenny can sleep in with me so they can have a bed each but they
always turn it down flat sayin' at his age Kenny probably appreciates
havin' his own space.

There's nothin' like gettin' even further in touch with your masculine side
every once in a while an' strippin' down to a pair of shorts or a jockstrap
an' wrestlin' a buddy in the great outdoors illuminated by the rays of a
full moon while owls are hootin' high in the trees overhead. The winner's
deemed to be the one who's the first to relieve his opponent of his shorts
- or in Butch `n' Randy's case their jockstraps. An' after, whoopin' an'
a-hollerin', we all jump in the river an' do a good job of scarin' the fish
as we wash all the dirt off ourselves.

Later still, before turnin' in for the night an' with our bladders full to
burstin' from all the drink we've put away - in what's fast become
somethin' of a ritual - all four of us stand shoulder-to-shoulder round the
campfire – drippin' wet an' naked as God intended - an' dowse the dyin'
flames by pissin' on 'em until the fire's nothin' more than a pile of
steamin', foul-smellin' ashes.

Butch `n' Randy are always jokin' Kenny's got way too much cock for a young
guy to handle all on his own. So, gigglin' drunkenly like a bunch a
schoolboys, they'll help him out by holdin' his dick for him while he
pisses. I don't mind 'em pawin' Kenny like that - touchin' his dick an'
cuppin' his balls in their hands as they try to figure out how much weight
Kenny carries down there - 'cause I know it's the booze an'
camaraderie. I'd trust those guys with my life.  It's not jealousy on their
part either 'cause they're pretty near top of the table when it comes to
dick size themselves.

Now, gettin' hard when you're naked an' outdoors pretty much goes with the
territory as I see it. All it takes is the slightest breeze blowin' through
the hair on your balls an' before you know it you're sportin' the type of
hard-on that could teach the entire USMC how a man should stand to
attention. Although none of us are embarrassed any more about bein' in a
state of arousal around each other we decided to see if we could cure it
one weekend by shavin' our balls around the campfire after toastin' some
marshmallows.

Butch is a barber – the old-fashioned type – an' he's been cuttin'
mine an' Kenny's hair every week for the past ten years or so. He always
carries the tools of his trade around with him wherever he goes; scissors,
comb an' a mean- lookin' straight-edge razor which he keeps so sharp he can
slice a hair lengthways with it.

So you can understand I was a little reluctant at first to let Butch
anywhere near my precious balls with that thing. Randy wasn't so backward
in comin' forward though, an' before any of us knew what was happenin' he
was on his back on the blanket on the ground, his nuts smeared with shavin'
cream waitin' for Butch to do his bit.

"Goddamn, that feels good!" Randy, who's as similarly studly as his buddy
Butch, crowed as he strutted round camp like a rooster when his balls were
finally hair free – even though he more closely resembles a bull
befittin' his Taurean star sign. Didn't appear to make the slightest
difference as to the state of his hard-on though – in fact I'd say Randy
was even harder than before as his pecker was pointin' straight up an'
seemed to be glued to his stomach. You'd be hard-pressed to get a cigarette
paper between that billy club-sized cock an' his super-tight stomach.

Next up was Kenny who doesn't really have much in the way of hair on his
nutsac. But Butch shaved him anyway an' trimmed his pubes nice `n' short
with a few practiced snips of his scissors which makes his dick look even
bigger now.

Randy volunteered to shave his buddy's balls an' soon it was just me who
was still the hairiest one there. Not wantin' to look like an old fart in
front of my son, an' at Kenny's insistence, I took my place on the blanket
an' let that old dog Butch see the rabbit.

"Cut it out, Butch," I told him when five minutes later he was still
workin' the shavin' cream into my scrotum with the soft- bristled badger
brush. It was about the sexiest damn thing I'd ever had done to me an' if
Butch kept it up for much longer I think I would've dumped my junk all over
myself.

Havin' shaved balls doesn't make a blind bit of difference as to whether
we' re hard or not, but I must say I love the feel of my smooth scrotes. So
whenever we're up at the cabin Butch'll shave us an' won't take a cent from
any of us for his time an' trouble. It's helped make our friendship even
stronger, an' we're like a band a brothers - kinda like when some men have
identical tattoos done.

So you can see Kenny's no stranger to seein' grown men sportin' wood, but I
can't say I ever noticed he took an excessive or what you might call
unhealthy interest in seein' either me or my buddies naked.

Even so, I think I'm gonna have to have a quiet word with those two if they
insist on continuin' in the same vein with Kenny now that he thinks he's
gay.  Hell, I don't know how they'll react – I certainly hope it doesn't
make 'em feel so uncomfortable they think they have to put a stop to all
their shenanigans in front of him – but they've known Kenny long enough
now to know he's a good kid.

They'll probably rip the piss outta him somethin' rotten for an hour or two
an' I'll probably have to step in an' tell 'em to cut it out, but I think
they'll accept him for who he is.

Bein' firm believers that you should never let the sun set on an argument
– no matter how heated they get - we all hug before turnin' in an'
headin' off to our respective rooms. Butch an' Randy keep up the pretence
right to the end an' they'll grab asses an' exchange kisses with Kenny an'
me while we say goodnight before hittin' the sack.

I know both Butch an' Randy think the world of Kenny, love him like he's
their own an' I swear, if we had a bigger bed up at the cabin, they'd have
Kenny sleep in with them.

Now, I don't think there's a single person out there who would seriously
suggest that seein' me an' my buddies naked durin' those fishin' trips an'
indulgin' in the type of hi-jinx an' horse play we do could be responsible
for turnin' Kenny queer. But if there is maybe they can explain to me how
come me, Butch an' Randy aren't also battin' for the other team.

If only I hadn't asked Kenny to take on the laundry he might still be
straight. But I realized Betty couldn't be trusted to run the house anymore
after the incident with my gym clothes.

Sometime last year I was lookin' everywhere but couldn't find a clean
jockstrap anywhere in the whole damn house. I hunted high `n' low, lookin'
in all the obvious places an' after I came up with a blank I started to
look in the less obvious places. Still nothin'. Then I thought maybe Betty
put my jocks in Kenny's drawers by mistake even though mine an' his are
clearly labeled.

I don't mean to sound like I'm blowin' my own trumpet – although I can
do that too 'cause I tried it with Greg one time when I was still in
college – but neither Kenny nor me have any reason to feel we were
cheated when the guy upstairs decided who he was gonna hand out the big
guns to. We both wear size large jockstraps an' make sure they're labeled
soon as we get 'em. Mine have "Dad" on the outside front waistband in big
bold black letters just above the pouch, which you can interpret two ways
'cause Butch `n' Randy are always sayin' I got the daddy of all dicks,
while Kenny has his name on his to avoid any confusion.

Now I don't know if any of you guys have ever had to borrow a buddy's
jockstrap for some reason but on more than one occasion in the past I was
forced to get a loan of either one of Kenny's or one of my deputy Doug's
when Betty was behind with the laundry, an' let me tell you I was
constantly aware throughout my long gym session that I was wearin' someone
else's jock the whole time – even if it was just my sons. I felt a
little self-conscious even packin' my family jewels into the same space my
son put his. But Kenny didn't think twice about lendin' his dad one of his
jockstraps when I asked.

So I went to his room an' rifled through his bureau an' still came up with
a big fat zero. I turned an' took a moment to think where else Betty coulda
put 'em - an' saw somethin' familiar stickin' out from under Kenny's
mattress. Liftin' it I saw at least half a dozen pairs of my underwear
along with a couple of my jockstraps – not even washed would you believe
– stuffed under there.

"Goddamnit woman!" I roared when I confronted Betty as she lay on the
livin' room couch in her robe already half-cut as she watched one of her
soaps.

Betty swore she didn't know how they got there – an' even tried to get
my sympathy by turnin' on the waterworks. But that doesn't cut any ice with
me anymore. She's pulled that trick too many times already for it to still
have any effect on me.

"You must think I'm stupid or somethin'. I know they're pretty funky," I
said as I held 'em to my nose an' took a good sniff an' ended up almost
gaggin' with how rank they were, "but they didn't just get up an' walk into
Kenny's room all by 'emselves," I told her angrily as I shook the fistful
of jockstraps an' assorted underwear at her.

Betty doesn't know what day of the week it is half the time. She must've
put 'em there while she was in one of her drunken stupors. What other
explanation was there? It was the final straw; too many unexplainable
things had been happenin' lately with the laundry. When I calmed down I
told Betty not to bother; I was gonna do it myself from now on as it was
obviously too much for her. But Kenny said he'd be happy to take on the
responsibility so I let him do it.

If I'd known allowin' Kenny to do the weekly wash was gonna make him gay I
never would've allowed it – would've made sure I took him on a few more
fishin' trips with me an' the guys instead.

I've tried to get to the bottom of why Betty drinks – I've told her we
need to sort this out for Kenny's sake, but she just gives me an evil look
that frankly scares the crap out of me an' makes it clear the chance of any
further discussion on the subject is dead. It's like she blames me for some
reason for turnin' her into a drunk – an' I'd really like to know what
it is I'm supposed to have done. I've tried suggestin' she sees a shrink if
she won't talk to me an' even booked her into rehab a couple a times but
she just won't do anythin' to help herself.

There's a lot of pain in there an' I wish I knew what was causin' it. But
Betty seems happy to just numb it with alcohol an' let life pass her by.

She suffered from depression while carryin' Kenny – it just seemed to
come upon her without warnin' an' for no apparent reason - an' the baby
blues continued until she started drinkin' shortly after our son was
born. There never was much of a mother-an'-baby connection between her an'
Kenny. Her doctor said it might help her bond with him if she tried
breastfeedin' but Betty just wasn't interested.

Kenny was gettin' grizzly an' fractious at missin' out on sucklin' his
mother's milk an' he just wouldn't take the bottle. I'd come in from work
to find him cryin' his heart out in his cot totally ignored by Betty. So
I'd pick him up an' just spend some time with him walkin' round the nursery
tellin' him how much he was loved while tryin' to get him to take his
bottle. But nothin' seemed to settle him until I hit on an idea.

Rememberin' what the doctor told us I wondered if it'd help Kenny be less
antsy if I pretended to be his mom. I don't mean I intended dressin' up in
Betty's clothes when I got in from work - that's just sick in my opinion
an' really would've confused Kenny - but try an' fool him into thinkin' he
was at his mother's breast. It had to be worth a try. If Betty wouldn't do
it I'd take a shot at breastfeedin' Kenny myself. So I rolled up my tee
shirt an' squeezed a drop of formula from his feedin' bottle onto one of my
nipples to see if Kenny would take it. Soon as I put him at my nipple Kenny
started sucklin'. He took to it straight away an' appeared to be none the
wiser even though his little forehead was restin' against my furry chest.

Within days of me startin' that routine Kenny seemed to change completely.
From bein' a restless an' unhappy child Kenny became peaceful an'
contented, sleepin' right through the night. When I arrived home each day
after work first thing I did was to make up a bottle an' take off my shirt
an' feed Kenny like that – squeezin' drops of formula onto my nipple an'
lettin' Kenny suckle until he finished the bottle. He quickly started to
gain weight an' the doctors were amazed at the speed of his turnaround. So
you can see why there's such a strong bond between me an' my son.

It didn't help Betty any though. She seemed to slump even deeper into her
depression an' cut off all contact with everyone – even her own
family. She tolerated her mom but she wouldn't even speak to her dad,
Vince, on the telephone for some reason. It was hard on him considerin'
he's one of the nicest guys you could wish to meet an' couldn't do enough
to help me get the house ready for our new arrival when Betty found out she
was pregnant.

After a couple a months of my constant badgerin' Betty promised me she'd
see about gettin' help for her drinkin' - if we moved away. So we sold up,
found somewhere that suited us far away from everyone an' everythin' we
knew an' started on a new life. But nothin' changed – in fact Betty's
dependence on alcohol just seemed to get worse once she didn't have any
friends around her.  An' that's how it's been for the past twenty
years. But at least somethin' good came out of our marriage – namely
Kenny.


* * * *

"Positive. I just know, Dad," Kenny said in answer to my last question
about whether he was sure he was gay.

I wasn't so convinced. Hell, I've been around long enough to know it's
natural for guys Kenny's age to have gay thoughts an' occasionally do gay
things – just look at me an' Greg if you need proof – but that didn't
mean they were gay.

"You done anythin' about it?" I asked Kenny.

"Not really. Well, nothin' beyond jerkin' off with a buddy or two," Kenny
assured me an' I let out what I hoped was a quiet sigh of relief.

Kenny isn't gay – any more than I am – he's just a little confused
an' a whole lot curious – an' that's fine in my book. It's perfectly
natural for an 18-year-old to wonder about what it might be like to get it
on with another guy. It's not just natural, I'd say it's healthy! There's
probably not a teenager in the entire country who hasn't had similar
thoughts – even just for a minute or two – and had doubts about their
sexuality.

If Kenny hadn't already done anythin' about it beyond jackin' off with some
of the guys it was because he wasn't sure himself, an' that gave me
hope. But I wasn't about to tell my son that. It'd only make him feel like
I was in denial about it or tryin' to sweep it under the carpet or that I
was too much of a macho male whose ego wouldn't allow me to believe I could
father a gay son.  Kenny deserved better than that.

I still remember what it's like to be eighteen: you're a mess of seethin'
hormones an' you can't wait to get laid. Kenny might like the idea of
gettin' it on with another guy but the reality of it was somethin' else
entirely. The fact he hadn't already done somethin' about it proved my
point. Kenny wasn't one to let things pass him by; he made things happen,
grabbed every opportunity he could.

"Son, promise me you won't rush into anythin'," I begged him, my protective
side comin' to the fore. "A person's first sexual experience should be
somethin' they want to remember for the rest of their life, not somethin'
they'd rather forget. There's no rush to lose your...Once it's gone it's
gone for good. Promise me you'll take time to find the right person before
you do anythin' you'll regret later."

It struck me as strange to be havin' this conversation with my son while we
were wedged into a tiny bathtub together of all places. The water was
gettin' cold too by now an' I made to sit up in the tub.

"The water's cold an' it's late," I said as I looked at my
wristwatch. "Let's get dried off an' dressed an' if you want to talk some
more we can."

Surprised myself how well I was takin' this whole thing. I think it had a
lot to do with the all the advice in emails I got from you guys. Although I
wasn't entirely convinced that he was I didn't mind that Kenny thought he
might be gay.  I seemed to have found an inner peace which I hadn't been
aware I possessed before. The world wasn't gonna come crashin' down around
my ears just 'cause Kenny thought he liked guys.

We dried off an' along with a hard-on that troubled me only slightly, until
I realized that I too was standin' as stiff as a flagpole in front of my
son, Kenny had a smile on his face that did more than all the candles to
light up the dim bathroom.

Wrappin' the towel around my waist I took a step over to Kenny an' took him
in my arms. I was determined I wasn't gonna make a rat's ass of this.

"I love you, Son," I told him as I planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I know, Dad, you said," Kenny laughed.

"Well I'm gonna keep sayin' it, Son," I told him. "Every day from now
on. Now, you wanna talk some more or are you done for the night?"

"Now it's out an' you're easy with it I want to talk some more – you
mind?"  Kenny smiled, relief etched on his face.

I felt like at last I was bein' a good father to Kenny – just by bein'
there for him at this important point in his life an' listenin' to him, not
bein' judgmental about somethin' he didn't have any control over. It was
somethin' Kenny was gonna have to work out for himself. Isn't that what
bein' a good parent is all about – givin' your children space to find
themselves without imposin' your will on them?

We emptied the bath, extinguished all the candles, an' opened a window to
let the steam an' smell of meltin' candle wax out. Then we headed down the
hall.

We stopped outside Kenny's room an' I gave my son another reassurin' kiss
on his forehead as I hugged him. More than anythin' else in the world I
wanted Kenny to be happy – an' I've been around long enough to know that
happiness an' contentment come from within.

"Dad," Kenny asked hesitantly. "You think it'd be OK if you slept in with
me tonight?"

"I don't know, Son," I told him, my heart suddenly beatin' faster, worried
that one night naked in my 18-year-old son's bed an' another couple hours
tonight in the bath with him was maybe more than a father should do with
his teenage son. I didn't think it was healthy for either one of us to
spend time naked together. Particularly not now he thought he was gay –
it'd just confuse matters even more. Kenny tried to put a brave face on it
but I could tell he was disappointed. But then I thought, What kind of
message am I sendin' my son when on the one hand I tell him I love him even
though he thinks he's gay, an' then actin' like a dinosaur dad the one time
he needs reassurin' an' to know I'm there for him.

"Well, maybe just an hour wouldn't hurt," I relented, not wishin' to do
anythin' that might cause Kenny to feel down. But I'd make sure it was just
for an hour an' not end up bein' the whole night like last time. Besides,
what harm could some quality time with my son possibly do? For some reason
that night more than any other night I needed the human touch, an' the
chance of some physical contact with another person was too good to turn
down. I suspected it was the same for Kenny too. It'd help me an' Kenny
bond some more an' maybe he'd feel more inclined to stay in touch once he
was away in college.

Kenny flung his towel on to the easy chair while he ambled over to his bed
an' even in the darkness I could see the soft, full muscles of his back an'
shoulders, the plump roundness of his beautiful smooth young ass.

My towel joined Kenny's on the chair an' I climbed into bed beside my son
no longer worried that I was in a state of arousal. We assumed the same
position the last time I dared to venture into Kenny's bed. We spooned
easily, comfortably, naturally.

"Promise me you'll use protection," I said, my head on the pillow beside
Kenny's. I made a mental note to make sure I gave Kenny a supply of condoms
an' lube along with the check for his college fund when he left home in a
couple weeks. Last thing I wanted was for Kenny to catch somethin' all
because he didn't have protection.

"Dad, I don't intend sleepin' with every guy I meet," Kenny informed me. "I
want my first time to be special, too."

"Someone you got your eye on?" I asked my son slightly startled by how easy
I found it to talk to Kenny about his sex life – maybe even relishin'
bein' able to talk so frankly with him.

"Yeah, but I'm realistic enough to know it's not gonna happen," Kenny
confessed in hushed tones an' I could hear the regret in his voice. I gave
Kenny a hug in consolation an' it seemed to spur him on to talk some more
about this mystery man who'd got my son bad. He rolled over onto his right
side so we were facin' each other an' I could see the sparkle in Kenny's
eyes as he told me about the guy he was taken with.

"He's an older guy – a lot older." Kenny confided. God, not old enough
to be his father, I hoped. "But he's still good-lookin' with an awesome
body. Dad, every time I see him I feel like I've just come alive. He's
incredible. Trouble is he's as straight as they come - married with a kid
an' everythin' – an' I know nothin'll ever come of it."

The way Kenny talked glowingly about this guy it was obvious he was his
first real love an' it was touchin' that Kenny was so obviously smitten
with someone – even if it was another guy. Still, it sounded like a
clear cut case of hero worship more than anythin' else. Nobody could be as
perfect as the guy Kenny described to me.

"Well, whoever he is he's missin' out on havin' someone as special as you
in his life, but no one's that perfect, Son," I told Kenny. "You sure you
didn't dream him up?"

"Oh, he's real alright - an' he's hairy as hell an' just happens to be hung
like a horse, too," Kenny chuckled. His honesty was awfully endearin' an'
again I felt compelled to give my son a hug.

While there I reached over an' gave Kenny a swat on the backside an' told
him not to be so shallow as to judge someone by the size of their dick. I
talked with Kenny in the past about what bein' a man is all about but it
appeared not to have sunk in.

"It's not about how big your muscles are - or even if you've got some hair
on your ass. It's about how you deal with the problems - good an' bad, but
particularly the bad - that are thrown at you in life that determine what
sort of man you become. Life's one long learnin' curve, Son," I told him
when he first started workin' out with the weights I bought him for his
16th birthday.

Kenny was at that impressionable age when most young guys have a
stereotypical idea of what bein' a man is all about - all square jawbones
an' superhero muscles. It was bad enough when I was Kenny's age: I remember
lookin' through my dad's pile of muscle magazines thinkin' I wanted to look
just like those guys when I was older. When Dad found me thumbin' through
his dog-eared collection one day I told him I'd been thinkin' about
buildin' some muscle an' he invited me to start workin' out with him down
there in the basement gym. It was only when I won my first bodybuilidin'
competition aged eighteen that I finally felt confident with who I was. But
nowadays you see computer enhanced images everywhere you look an' you
really can't tell what's real anymore.

"I don't pretend to be perfect – God knows I've made plenty mistakes in
my life, but I've tried to learn from every single one of 'em."

Without mentionin' his mom I hoped Kenny understood from what I was sayin'
that even though a man has to tackle some tough situations in life it's up
to him an' him alone to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

I'd asked Kenny what he was hopin' to achieve from workin' out so I could
give him some pointers like my dad did with me an' he eyed me up an' said,
"I really wouldn't mind lookin' like you, Dad."

"You want to have muscles as big as your dad?" I chuckled, puffin' up my
chest with a good, deep breath an' makin' my pecs ripple under my tee
shirt.

"An' be as hairy, too," Kenny confided bashfully as he watched my
unnecessarily ostentatious display.  But I was thrilled Kenny thought I
still looked good. I was fast hurtlin' towards my fortieth birthday an' it
was nice to have someone say they thought I was still in good shape.

"Well, it'll happen, Son. It might take a while but it'll happen. I was as
smooth as you are right up until I turned twenty-one. Then all of a sudden
hair started sproutin' - an' just look at me now. You can do somethin'
about the muscles by workin' out regular an' they'll come along real quick
if you stick at it, but just be patient about the other thing."

Back in the present I couldn't help laughin' along with Kenny but stopped
short of askin' my son who this guy was even though I was curious. It had
to be someone in town an' I suspected it was Kenny's football coach who
seemed to fit the description to a tee – although I wouldn't know if he
was hung like a horse or not.

If he went down this path – lustin' over married men - Kenny was in for
a lot of disappointments in his life. He'd find himself bein' attracted to
unobtainable straight men forevermore an' it worried me he'd experience a
lot of heartache. I drew Kenny even closer to me. What kind of father must
I be that Kenny lusted after an older man, a father figure, I wondered.

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised he was attracted to older men when I'd been
too wrapped up in my work to give Kenny the attention he deserved. But if
all Kenny was lookin' for was a father figure that gave me fresh hope that
if I handled this correctly, helped him work it out of his system, I could
convince him he's as straight as me an' Butch `n' Randy. I decided to do
somethin' there an' then about puttin' our relationship on a more even
footin' an' hopefully cure him of his daddy fixation.

My hand went down to my son's dick an' I gave it a little stroke. I heard
Kenny gasp an' felt his body tense up before he relaxed again an' his
breathin' resume - only a little out of breath now. I grinned at my son an'
a smile brightened his face - an' that's when I thought, Just go for it.

Turnin' away from Kenny I started to roll onto my right side too until our
positions were reversed from when we first got into bed. Now Kenny was
spoonin' me. I reached behind an' grabbed my son's cock with my left
hand. Raisin' my left leg a little I guided Kenny between my legs until his
dick was wedged in the small gap between the top of my thighs. I looked
over my shoulder at my son.

"Hump me, Son," I whispered huskily.

"Dad?" Kenny asked not quite believin' what I was givin' him permission to
do – namely simulatin' a sexual act with his father.

"Come on, Son! Either you're queer or you ain't. Now, dry hump your daddy,"
I growled in my gruffest voice before chucklin' quietly.

Kenny was still for a while but then he placed a hand on my shoulder an' I
felt him start to move his hips. His uncut cock started to slide back an'
forth between my thighs.

"Aw, Jeeez," Kenny groaned as the mass of nerves crammed into what was a
colossal quantity of cock for such a young man sent signals of pure
pleasure back to his brain. "I can't believe this is happenin'!"

Kenny's dick extended all the way to my balls an' they took a bashin' as
his mushroom-headed helmet hammered away at my clenched, clean-shaved
nutsac.  Kenny pulled me into him an' our bodies came together as one. The
hand that had been on my shoulder found its way to my nipple an' Kenny
started to play with it as he continued to hump me. I reached behind an'
pulled Kenny even closer to me, my hand on his ass an' I grabbed my own
dick with my other hand an' started to stroke myself. Although it was meant
purely for Kenny's benefit this was just an awesome experience for me too.

"Dad, I wanna see your face when I cum," Kenny purred in my ear a little
while later. He pulled his dick free from between my legs an' rolled me
onto my back. Then he straddled my hips an' settled on my dick which was
layin' belly up on my furry abs. With my dick trapped underneath my son
Kenny started to move his hips, strokin' my dick as he did so.

As I looked up at my handsome son I couldn't keep a grin from spreadin'
across my face from all the good feelings I was experiencin'. I put my
hands either side of my head on the pillow exposin' my hairy armpits.

"You're fuckin' incredible, Dad," Kenny cried out usin' the same word he
used when tellin' me about his perfect man. His hand became a blur on his
dick as he upped the pace, spurred on by the sight of his muscle dad's
furry frontage.  "Yeah, come on, Son," I urged Kenny. "Dump your junk all
over me!"

At that same moment he blasted an unbelievably healthy load of creamy cum
all over my stomach an' chest leavin' me lookin' like one a them Jackson
Pollock action paintings.

I couldn't believe the copiousness of my son's seed. It just kept cummin'
an' cummin'. Kenny must've really got turned on from talkin' about this
mystery man of his an' I actually felt a little jealous of the guy –
whoever he was – that he was able to get my son so excited he was able
to knock out all that junior jizz.

Just when I thought Kenny was done he surprised the hell out of me by
firin' off another spurt that surpassed anythin' I'd seen so far.

Even though I seemed to be watchin' it in slow motion as that long string
of spiralin' semen flew through the air I didn't have time to move out of
the way an' it landed just above my left eyebrow and stretched the entire
length of my face makin' a mess of my neatly trimmed beard. When I blinked
it caught in my eyelashes an' I had to wipe it away with a finger an'
smeared it onto my furry chest along with most of the rest of Kenny's cum.

"Quit showin' off, will you," I pretended to reprimand my son before
breakin' out into a big grin an' pullin' him down to me so I could show him
just how impressed I was with his showboatin' by givin' him a big kiss.

I don't mind admittin' I've got a competitive streak in me a mile wide an'
I was gonna prove to my son his old man's not past it yet. He wasn't the
only one who could put on such an impressive firework display as the one I
just witnessed. When I'm really on the money it can feel like I'm takin' a
piss when I cum – another reason Betty isn't keen on us bein' intmate
anymore.

With his orgasm finally over Kenny shuffled back a bit on top of me until
my dick was exposed, an' then along with his own dick he took me in his
hand an' started to jerk me off. The feel of Kenny's hot cock against my
own, the last of his cum coatin' my dick as it continued to spew out its
contents sent me over the edge in no time at all.

Just jackin' off with someone shouldn't feel this good. I couldn't remember
it bein' this intense when me an' Greg did it - although that time with my
own Dad when I was home from college for Christmas comes pretty close. And
then it occurred to me - it's only this good now 'cause I'm doin' it with
someone I love, someone I have real feelings for. And that person was my
son. With that thought in my head I hooked a hand behind Kenny's neck and
pulled him toward me.

I looked Kenny in the eyes an' relaxed my hold on his neck givin' him the
chance to back out if he wanted. He knew what I was gonna do as well as I
did. He didn't make any attempt to try an' move away, so I put my mouth on
his an' kissed him as though my life depended on it.

Our mouths opened almost immediately an' I pushed my tongue into my son's
mouth. Kenny sucked on it, licked it, made love to it.  Our slick tongues
dirty danced with the other's as they twisted an' turned.

Kenny was on all fours over me as we kissed, his ass out of position. I ran
my large hairy-knuckled hands down my son's back an' over his smooth buns
pullin' him down until he was sittin' on my belly. My cock ran the entire
length of Kenny's ass trench, an' I started to fuck thin air. I humped an'
humped as my big daddy dick rubbed against the smooth skin of Kenny's ass
until I shot my load over my son's back.

Even though I didn't see it until later I knew I was shootin' the biggest
load I'd ever unleashed from my big bull balls. I could feel the power of
it surgin' through my dick like a primal force an' I knew it was a
winner. All this even before Kenny reached behind an' took me in hand,
curlin' his welcome fingers round the great girth of my God-given glory an'
pumpin' me until my balls were drained an' I began to grow softer but still
with a healthy erection.

They say man's best friend is a dog but that's just bullshit: a man's best
friend is his dick. Women can have all the diamonds they want just as long
as I got my meat - an' I bet Kenny feels the exact same way.

Kenny collapsed on top of me an', locked in another kiss, I rubbed my cum
over Kenny's back with my hands until it started to dry an' my arms wrapped
around his body holdin' him tight.

Eventually we just had to break the kiss if only to get our breathin' under
control. I thought I was gonna pass out from lack of oxygen. We lay like
that for about five minutes before, with Kenny still on top of me, I heard
him startin' to sob an' with his cryin' came the reality of what I'd done;
I'd weaseled my way into Kenny's bed an' forced him to indulge in the
basest human instincts with me – namely to fornicate with his father. I
held Kenny close an' stroked his hair. Told him I was sorry, told him I'd
make things right between us again if he'd allow me.

"Your mom's right," I told him guiltily. "I might be a cop but I'm no
different to any other man." I went from euphoria to dejection in the space
of a few seconds as I realized what I'd done, what I'd wanted to do.

"I'm your father but I can't even be trusted to control myself with
you. None of this is your fault, Son. I'll make it right, I promise," I
told him, though I didn't have a clue how I was gonna do that.

Kenny raised his head an' looked me in the eyes. His were full of tears an'
I felt them start to well up in mine too as I wished I could undo what I'd
done.

"Promise," Kenny begged me.

"I promise, Son," I said ready to give my word as his father just as long
as Kenny'd forgive me.

"Promise, Dad. Promise next time it'll be for real," Kenny said.

"I promise, I promise," I said ready to agree to any terms Kenny wanted
just as long as we could go back to how things were. And then I realized
what it was Kenny was askin' me to give my pledge to.

"It's you, Dad," he said as I looked at him with genuine incredulity. "I
want my first time to be with you."


* * * *

The relief I felt at learnin' I hadn't ruined things between Kenny an' me
was indescribable. I was almost euphoric again knowin' everythin' was
alright, but in my haste I'd agreed to go even further with my son an' it
genuinely blew my mind – troubled me.

"You know what you're askin' me to do?" I asked him.

Still straddlin' my hips Kenny rose up above me allowin' me to drink him
in.  From his cropped blond hair down to his size fourteen feet Kenny was
perfection personified. What man in their right mind would turn down the
opportunity of havin' some fun with a good-lookin' young hunk like that, I
asked myself.

"It was me you were talkin' about, wasn't it?" I asked my son an' Kenny
nodded slowly.

It dawned on me: my son's got the hots for me. He loves my hairy body an'
my big dick – two of things Betty hates most about me, incidentally –
an' he loves an' trusts me enough to give away the most precious thing a
person has.

"Dad, I'm doin' this as much for you as you'd be doin' it for me," Kenny
reasoned. "When was the last time you an' Mom had sex?"

"That's none of your concern, young man," I reprimanded Kenny sternly an'
he looked suitably chastised.

Kenny laid down beside me on the bed, his hand on my belly an' asked, "It
was fun, wasn't it?" I didn't answer. Whether it was or wasn't wasn't the
point.

"You haven't said, `No,' so I take it that's a `Yes'." Kenny said pushin'
it just a little further than I was comfortable with.

"You know, you can be too smart for your own good," I said to Kenny lookin'
at him now, wantin' him to see my displeasure even though it was true to
say I was more angry with myself.

"I didn't mean to be cocky, Dad," Kenny apologized as he tried to stifle a
laugh at the use of the word `cocky' in this context, "But you're still
here in my bed an' you haven't made any attempt to cover yourself with a
sheet or get dressed. In fact, if you bother to look at your dick you'll
see you're still hard - an' I've just told you I want you to fuck me."

Why hadn't I done any of those things? Why hadn't I got the hell out of
there? Do you really want to pass up an opportunity to bond further with
your son, to get to know him in ways most fathers will never get the chance
to, I asked myself.

"Tonight's been the best thing that's happened to me in a long while," I
told Kenny, bein' honest, as I lay starin' up at the ceilin' desperately
tryin' to avoid eye contact with my son, "An' knowin' there's someone out
there – even if it's my own son – who likes me for who I am, warts
an' all, with all this hair coverin' my body an' the fact I've got a big
dick makes me feel good for some reason, when for years I've been made to
feel like I'm a freak. So you can understand why I might be a little
confused about things."

With all that off my chest I turned to look at my son.

"You're the most important thing in my life right now, an' your happiness
is important to me too. Are you tellin' me you'll still be happy if the two
of us...," I couldn't bring myself to say it. "'Cause somehow I think it's
gonna complicate things an' complications usually lead to a great deal of
unhappiness. It'll change everythin', Son."

"It doesn't have to be complicated, Dad. Why does sex always have to be
complicated?" Kenny asked naοvely.

"Because it involves people an' people's feelings," I told him. "You're my
son. I'm married to your mom. If we were to just do what we wanted don't
you see how that would complicate everyone's lives? Your mom could walk in
here right now an' find us like this an' that'd be the end of everythin'."

"Would that be so bad?" Kenny asked. "Dad, you an' Mom might be married,
but it's just a marriage in name. Now that I'm leavin' home I'll be
surprised if you're still livin' together come Christmas. So is you an' me
gettin' it on gonna mess up your marriage or are you frightened it might
persuade you to make the break an' find some happiness for yourself? You
deserve it too, Dad."

Just as I'd gone from euphoria to desperation earlier in a matter of
seconds so Kenny'd gone from naοve to insightful in the same time.

Annoyed that Kenny hit the nail on the head I sat up quickly placin' the
inside of my elbows round my drawn up knees, holdin' my wrist with one
hand. Shakin' my head I growled loudly at how all this was messin' with me
an' raked my fingers back through my hair, an' then I looked over at a
bemused Kenny who was waitin' patiently for me to answer him.

"I want you," I told him havin' come to my decision. "More than anythin'
right now I want to have sex with you. But it can't just be about the
sex. You're my son an' I love you so it's not just gonna be a one-off fuck
which I'll then be able to quickly forget about. Understand?"

Kenny nodded.

"Nuh-uh," I said. "You're gonna have to tell me you understand, Son."

"I understand, Dad. You're going to want to fuck me more than once," Kenny
confirmed.

"Please don't use that word for what we're gonna do, Son," I gently rebuked
him an' I could feel the tears startin' to build up again. "There's
eighteen years of history between us an' when two people know each other
an' care for each other for that length of time they don't just fuck. You
know, don't you, Son, that I care about you, your welfare an' interests a
great deal."

"I understand, Dad," Kenny said thoughtfully. "An' I know here," he
continued holdin' his clenched fist against his chest where his heart is,
"that I want my first time to be with you. I trust you an' I love you too
an' for as long as I live I know I won't regret doin' it with you. Now, can
I make one request?"

"You can," I told him before leanin' in an' givin' Kenny a kiss. He'd grown
up right before my eyes an' really I hadn't realized it. Sure, I knew he
was well on his way to bein' a man just by lookin' at him, but he'd grown
up in other ways too. I knew he'd be able to handle the knowledge that he'd
had sex with his dad a whole better than I did with mine.

"Can you wear your uniform when you shove your dick up my ass the first
time?" he said seriously before breakin' into a chuckle when he saw the
look of shock on my face.

"You kinky little bastard," I chuckled in return when I was over the shock
an' lunged at my son an' grabbed him so I could kiss him while I lay on top
of him.

Suddenly sleep seemed to overcome me. It was comin' up to 3 a.m. an' in a
couple hours I'd be gettin' up to go to work. Both Kenny and me really
needed to shower but we decided to wait until later so as not to alert
Betty. I decided to throw caution to the wind for tonight an' not go back
to my own room an' instead spent it sleepin' with Kenny in his bed, but I
made it clear to him nothin' was gonna happen that night - I was just too
tired for anythin' more.

We fell asleep in each other's arms, breathin' in our smells while I
continued to tell Kenny how much I loved him an' wondered if he'd come up
to the cabin with me so we could take our time to do what we needed without
fear of havin' Betty walk in on us.

END OF PART 3