A Son's Love Story
This story is a continuation of my story about my dad and me, and the love that we had together. It is also a collaboration, which is written by our son, David and me. It's taken mostly from memory that we have, as well as the journal that I kept throughout our years together, and I hope that you see the joy and love that is there. If you are looking for a story of incestuous sex tales, then you had better leave now. Because this is our story, David and I, and it's about what we all had together with my dad.
I sat there in the dark; my mind was racing in a million different directions, as I contemplated my life. It had changed so quickly with the death of my father, for he was more than that, he was my husband and lover. My heart felt that it has been torn from my chest, as the loss overwhelmed me. I so desperately needed and wanted him back in my life and arms. I try to write my feelings in the journal that I have kept since we moved from father and son, to Shaun and Lance. My mind replays the memories I hold of my lover and dad. How perfect he was as a lover and yet how innocent and caring he was...
"I want you to find someone to love again sweetheart," he had said to me the day he slipped away. "Please do not mourn me Lance, for I am taking our love with me into eternity, a love that only a few find."
"I don't want someone else Shaun, I want you," I told him as I lay beside him, holding him so tight, and hoping that my arms could keep him here with me.
As I lay there, listening to his labored breathing, my mind drifted back to when he first made love to me. He was so hesitant and frightened at first, not sure that we should cross that line that society created. However, the love that we felt for each other gently wooed him to cross it, as we stood there looking at each other, and he said to me...
"Lance, once we cross this boundary there's no going back," and I knew that he was looking for me to back away.
"Dad, I won't force you to love me, because I love you far too much, but I want you to know that I really want this," I had said to him, as I stared into his eyes.
He looked into my eyes for what seemed like eternity that night, and then he lowered his mouth down to mine and said just before his kissed me...
"So do I son," and he kissed me with all the emotion his big ole heart was feeling, as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and together was walked across that line into paradise.
It was that night, that star filled night, that dad and I became Shaun and Lance to each other. How innocent and unaware he was, as he fumbled through making love to me, a man. That innocence made me fall deeper in love with him, as he ran his fingers over the mark he had left on my neck and said so softly to me...
"Now your mine," as he ran his fingers gently over the hicky he had just left on my neck. "I've left my claim on you son," he told me, "like I did your mama when we first made love," and he kissed me hard and powerful, as he filled my mouth with his tongue.
"Why dad, why didn't you take better care of yourself and go for those physicals when I had asked you to. If you had, then maybe you would still be here with me," and I so wanted to hit him at that moment... but he was gone.
"No... no I refuse to let myself slip into anger, and feel bitter towards him. But damn it dad, I feel so angry at you right now," but I knew that was exactly what was happening to me, anger was entering me.
I had read in a book on grieving that one of the stages a person went through was anger. They get angry with the person who has died, angry because they died and left them behind to live without them.
"Shaun, I want you here with me," I cry out but he's not here.
I lay my pen down, unable to write any longer in my journal, I lay my head down on the desk and cry. My mind held so many memories, and the one that came to mind was the day our son was born. How happy he was that day, when Lillian placed our son David, into his waiting arms.
After years together, we had talked about having a child, but neither of us wanted to have an affair with a woman. I went to our doctor, who like us was gay, and asked him how we could have a baby of mine bloodline without having sex. He explained about a new program that seemed to be sweeping the nation called surrogate mothers. He explained to me just how it worked and what was involved. He told me about a woman that he knew that had just volunteered to be a surrogate mother to the right couple. I couldn't wait to tell my dad what I had found, and was so excited as I told him...
"Shaun, I found a woman, well my doctor did, that will bare a child for us," and he sat there staring at me. "She is in this surrogate mother program, and she is willing to carry our baby if she approves of us as a couple," I told him.
I explained the surrogate program, and I had the doctor contact her and we had a long conversation, and got to know one another.
"Her name is Lillian, and she is coming over to meet us this afternoon," I told him, unable to contain my excitement.
"Lance... are you sure that this is what we should be doing," dad asked me. "We aren't exactly your normal couple," he said and I looked at him, as I sensed the doubt in his words.
"Shaun I want a child for us to raise and love," I told him as he took me in his arms. "We spoke about this Shaun, please don't change your mind now," and my eyes filled with tears as I looked at him.
"Ok love, it won't hurt to at least meet and talk with the woman," he said and he kissed me softly on the lips. "But I refuse to have sex with her, and for that matter let you either."
"Shaun just listen to her, and hear what she has to say about the program, ok," I asked him.
"Ok Lance, I'll listen with an open mind, but no sex," he said, and damn he could be stubborn.
It seemed like forever until she rang our doorbell and I raced to the door, and opened it. There she was, and my heart nearly stopped as I looked at her. It was as if mom had returned, because she looked that much like my mom.
"I'm Lillian McDaniels," she said as she extended her hand to me.
"I'm Lance Michaels, and it's a pleasure to meet you," and I shook her hand.
I led her into the parlor, and dad immediately stood up and gasped. I knew why he gasped, because he saw mom in this woman's face.
"Lillian McDaniels and you must be Shaun," she said as they shook hands. "Your husband told me that his husband was named Shaun.
"Yes ma'am... I'm Shaun, please... sit down," he said like a schoolboy fumbling with his words.
"Is something wrong," she asked as dad stared at her, and I went into our bedroom, and retrieved a picture of mom.
"You look so much like my late wife," he said as he continued to stare at her.
"Here Lillian, this is my...his late wife Diane," I said correcting myself, and showed her the picture.
She held it in her hands, and she too gasped, as she saw the resemblance.
"You have her eyes Lance," and she smiled at me knowingly. "I want us to be honest with each other here, because it will determine if I will or will not do this for you," she said looking at the two of us.
"Lillian...thank you for coming today, but we have changed our minds about this," dad said, and my heart broke hearing his words.
"Shaun, I know ok, so tell me," she said as she took my dad's hands in hers. "Lance is your son isn't he," and we both saw the compassion in her eyes.
"Yes," is all he said as he let his head drop, and he looked at the floor.
I then explained how we came to be a couple and the love that we had for each other. It was hard for all of us, but it was something that needed to come out, and once it did, I felt so relieved.
"So who is going to be the father of our baby," she asked and dad looked up at her and his tears fell like rain.
"I am ma'am," I said looking at her with my own tears falling.
Ten months later, Lillian placed our son into dad's arms and what a moment it was. Dad felt the same pride and joy that he felt the day mom placed me in his arms, and he cried as he held our son David, tightly in his arms kissing his soft hair.
"He looks like you Lance," dad said as he moved closer to me, so I could see his looks.
"No Shaun, I can only see you and mom in his sweet face," I told him as I kissed his head softly.
"I can see that he is going to know nothing but love in his life," Lillian said as she smiled at the two of us.
Before she left, she gave us his birth certificate along with her own medical history. She also placed a letter from her to him with it, to be given to our son upon his sixteenth birthday. She wanted him to know her feelings when she carried him inside her body.
"I'll go now, and you love that boy with the fullness of your hearts," she said and gave us all a soft kiss.
Throughout the years, we kept her updated on David's growth and accomplishments. We sent pictures to her every time we took them, making doubles so she could have a set and see how he looked as he grew up.
Even though dad was technically David's grandfather, he was raised to call us both dad, and it would be years before he ever learned the truth about us.
I remember it clearly, as if it were yesterday, when my dads sat me down on my sixteenth birthday to tell me the truth about them and me. I remember the tears in my dad's eyes as they both sat side by side, and looked at each other and then to me and said.
"David, what we have to tell you may hurt you, and it may change the way that you feel about us son," my dad Shaun said, and I could tell it was hard for him to say what he was about to say. "I'm not really your dad David, I'm your grandfather," and with that finally out, he cried hard as if some rock had been lifted off him, but yet I knew that he was feeling shame.
Shame because it now showed me that my dads were not just two gay men that fell in love, but that they were really father and son, and had an incestuous love between them. It hit me hard, and I'll be honest here, it floored me. Everything I had ever believed about us as a family was being shattered now with those words.
"Oh," was the only response that I could muster at that moment.
"We are so sorry son, for not having told you from the beginning, but we couldn't for many reasons. And the main one being that we would lose you and be thrown in prison for the love we had between us," my dad Lance said to me. "Can you ever forgive us," he asked and my head was spinning as their words brought my world crashing down around me.
I stood up and looked at them sitting there so vulnerable and I got angry.
"You fucking lied to me all these years and now I am suppose to just take it and move on as if nothing has changed," I shouted out in anger at them.
I was so fucking angry with them both that I just ran out of the house. My head had so many questions and yet I was feeling anger at my dads because they had lied to me. I ran over to my best friend's house, because I needed someone to talk with.
My best friend Charley was someone that I had grown to love, because I was gay and although I hadn't told my dads yet, I had told Charley. He was gay also and although, we had never been lovers, he, like me, had two dads. Charley was more like a brother to me, and he loved this dude in our school. We both tried kissing each other once, but it wasn't there. What wasn't there was the spark, which our dads had said would be there with the right person.
"My dads lied to me Charley," I said bitterly and cried in his arms.
"What do you mean, they lied to you, about what David," he asked.
"My dad Shaun is really my grandfather," I told him and cried harder.
"Holy shit David... does that mean that Lance is your grandfather's son," he asked, and all that I could do was nod yes. "I thought that they looked too much alike to be just two totally different men," he said.
"The hard part is that they lied to me, and couldn't trust me with the truth," I said still crying. "I can't tell anyone, nor can you bud, because they could be sent to prison for their love," and I looked at my friend.
"I won't say a word David, but damn what are you going to do now," he asked and I really didn't know.
"Do you think that your dad's will let me stay here for a while?" he asked me.
"You know that they will, but you gotta face your dads eventually," he told me.
"I know, but I just can't today Charley," I said. "Nice fucking birthday present isn't it," I said crying again.
"Shit bud, happy birthday," Charley said. "I so totally forgot about this being your birthday with you crying."
"No big deal," I said. "Will you call them and at least tell them where I am, they must be worried shitless about me," I asked him, still unable to speak to them.
"Sure David," and he left me in the room alone to go call, but were met at the door by his dad.
"I think we all need to talk," Charley's dad Martin said as he stepped into the room. "These walls are thin David, and I heard every word that you said," he told me.
"Please don't call the police on them," I begged him and he held me to him as I cried.
"No one is going to call the police," he said. "But I am going to call them and have them come over so we can all talk, ok," he told me and I nodded yes.
He called my dads, they agreed to come over, and we sat in the living room in a silence that was deafening. When someone did talk, it was my dad Shaun. He explained everything to Martin, Charley and me also. My head was numb by the time that he had finished his story about them and me.
"Son I know that you feel that we lied to you, and maybe that is how you see it, but we didn't tell you because you were too young to understand. In addition, we couldn't take a chance that you would slip and tell someone, and we lose you. Society doesn't tolerate or accept the kind of love that we have son," he said as his tears fell.
I knew that this was hurting them as much, if not more, as it was I. I stood up and ran to his arms and we three cried hard, as our pain vanished. I knew that they loved me and wanted me to know the truth. I also realized that the reasons they withheld the truth was right and they had only my well-being at heart.
"I love you both so much dads," I said to them once my tears subsided. "It doesn't change how I feel about you, but it was such a shock none the less dad," and I looked at Shaun as I wiped his tears from his face.
"Can you forgive us son," my dad Lance asked with his own tears falling.
"What forgive you for loving me dad, no way. Neither of you did anything to be forgiven of," and I hugged my dad tight and kissed his cheek. "I love you both so much that my heart feels that it's gonna burst."
"I love you also son, and we really did have your best interests at heart," he told me as he held forth an envelope. "This is a letter that your birth mother wrote to you when you were born," he told me and handed it to me.
I took the envelope and opened it, but decided to wait before I read it. I wanted to read it in the privacy of our own home, and not here in front of Charley and his dads. I did say that I would share after what mom wrote to me with them, but I needed this to be a private moment between my dads and me. They understood and after the four of the dads spoke for a while, we left for home.
Once at home, and with my dads on each side of me, I read my letter from mom.
Happy Birthday son and I truly hope that it is a very happy day for you. I am sitting here waiting for you to be brought into me from the nursery, and going over in my mind, the words I want to share with you. You may never know me personally, but I want you to know how I feel towards you. I want you to know that I truly love you son, and that carrying you for your dads was a pure joy for me. The love that your dads had for each other, only showed me how much love that they were going to have for you, their son.
For nine months, I felt you grow inside me, and at times kick the daylights out of my bladder when you felt restless. It was at times like that, that I knew you would be a football or some other jock when you got older. I never once regretted what I was doing for Shaun and Lance, your dads. And yes my precious son, I know of their special kind of love, and just how sacred it is to both of them. It was the first time that I had ever encountered this kind of love, but I was never one to judge others. I saw how much that they loved each other and knew that they would never allow you to be harmed.
Therefore, in closing my dear son David, I want you to know that I love you more than I ever loved myself or anyone else. I hope that you will not hate me for not having been a part of your life, even though you were the most important part of my life.
Your mother, Lillian Robertson.
I had to smile to myself, as I remembered that day not so long ago, and yet it was a bittersweet memory. Although my precious David is sleeping in his room so safe and secure in the love I have for him, I wonder what life shall hold for him. He seems to be dealing with our loss better than I am, and I wonder if he is holding his grief inside him. I know that he has his dear friend Charley to talk with, but it is I, that has no one to share these feelings with.
I again put my pen down, in the seam of my journal and close it. I have tried to keep this journal up to date with my thoughts, memories and feelings, but it is so demanding on my emotions now to continue, so I am ending it and going to bed. For tomorrow is another day and maybe a better one.
I couldn't sleep because I could hear my dad crying in his room and my heart was aching for him. I so wanted to comfort him and take away the pain that he was feeling for my dad. I got up and wandered around the house not knowing just what to do, because I wasn't tired any longer. It was too early in the morning to go out, so I eventually found myself in my dad's study. I noticed that his light was on that sat on his desk and I figured that he had forgotten to shut it off, so I decided to. It was then that I noticed his private journal lying there. Now before you go telling me that these journals are like a diary, I already know that.
I sat in his chair, and I began to turn the pages, reading as I flipped through them. I learned so much about my two dad's past from the pages I was reading, things I never knew or heard about.
Journal entry 8-14-1993
Today we met a nice couple, Martin and Daniel O'Rourke, at the beach. It took us meeting at the beach to find a couple that live just one street over from us. They have a loving little baby boy, name Charles that is one month younger than our David is. We had a great day and agreed to get together later that evening for drinks and dinner. The babes slept so sound together in Charles's crib, and I hope that they grow up to be good friends.
"Shit, I can't believe that Charley and I have known each other that long," I was thinking to myself as I read the entry.
Then there was this entry that I had found, that was so funny, and I had to laugh as I read it.
Journal entry 6-19-1997 continued.
Here we are at Shaun's retirement party, and all his friends and co-workers have come to say their goodbyes and wish him well. We had just come from the men's room, (see entry of previous page) where I had blown the horny man, and his boss Dennis, asked him to come up and say a few words.
The entry went on but I had to see the previous page first. I turned back to the page and began to read it.
Journal entry 6-19-1997
Shaun and I had a few beers to many and needed to piss like a racehorse. We went to the men's room and found it empty. We were pissing next to each other, when Shaun said to me...
"Hey babe, wanna have sex," he asked me right there in that public restroom.
"Are you crazy, this is a public restroom Shaun, someone will come in," I told him.
I look down at his cock and the fucking thing is standing straight out at me and bouncing up and down.
"Shaun put that away," I told him.
"Come on babe, just suck it for me, I'm too horny to put it away."
I looked around and against my better judgment; I knelt down and began to suck his cock, right there in the open. I have to admit it was exciting having sex in a public place like that. I guess the element of being caught by someone made it even more exciting. So there we were, me on my knees sucking Shaun's cock, with his pants and briefs around his ankles. I still don't know why he felt that he needed to drop his pants like that but he did. I have him moaning and crooning as I bring him close to his climax and just then, the door flies open and in walks George, his best friend from work. I jumped up just as his cock erupted, and he shot his cum all over George and me. I wanted to die as I stood there covered in cum as George and Shaun laughed, and Shaun beat his cock off until he was finished cumming.
"Nice retirement present," George says laughing, "I can't wait until I retire now," and it seem to relieve the moment.
"Well take it out and let us give you an early present buddy," Shaun says and I looked at him in shock.
This would be the first time that either of us has let a third person into our sex life.
"Shaun are you insane, drunk or both," I asked still not believing what he had just said.
"Oh come on babe, its George and you no one sucks a cock like you do babe," and Shaun kissed me.
I look over at George and he's as red as a stoplight standing there. I pull him to me, and undo his pants as I kneel before him. I pull them down to the floor, along with his shorts and say to my husband...
"At least stand against the door so no one else comes in. I am not blowing the entire male staff of the Hartford," I tell him.
He leans against the door, as I take George's cock into my mouth, and the guy moans out so fucking loud that I thought that the entire party outside the door would hear him. I must admit that George had quite a nice cock; it was cut and almost eight inches. I was running my mouth up and down his cock, while I tugged on his balls, and there is Shaun beating off again. Well George grabs my head and begins to fuck my mouth, shoving that cock of his deep down my throat. At that pace, he lasted seconds and howled out...
"I'm fucking cumming Lance," and he shoves his cock down my throat and holds it there, shooting his cum directly into my throat.
I was struggling to breathe and pulled back, but he refused to release my head until he had drained his balls. Just as I thought, I was going to pass out, he lets go and I pull off his cock, gasping for air.
"Damn George why not just strangle me," I said standing up and still breathing hard.
"Babe I'm gonna cum," Shaun calls out and pushes me down to his cock.
Again, he shoots it on my face before I can get my mouth around his cock. He shoots his load just as George did, burying his cock down my throat and holding there. George is pulling up his pants as I struggle to breathe on Shaun's cock and cum. Well Shaun finally releases my head and I get up and look in the mirror. I am covered all over my face with cum. George and Shaun come over and begin to lick off the cum from my face and someone's hand is fondling me. Before I can object, they are both on their knees sucking my cock, taking turns passing it from one to the other. Well I just figured that if they didn't care who caught them then why should I, and went with the flow. I stood there with a hand on each head as they took turns on my cock. I must admit that for a straight or maybe a bi dude, he knew his way around a cock, and I was at my edge in minutes.
"Who wants it because I'm cumming," and George takes my cock into his mouth.
Well turn-about is fare play I thought, so I shoved my cock down that boy's throat, held his head nose deep in my pubes, and shot my load. I could feel him struggling to pull back, but I just held him there feeding him my cum until I was drained.
"Fuck Lance was you trying to suffocate me," he asked getting up, and I had to laugh at how blue his face was.
Warning: Never go with Shaun to the men's room when he's been drinking.
I had to laugh and I did. I laughed so hard that I thought that I might wake dad up, so I stopped. I flipped through more of the pages and came to the page that dad wrote about daddy's cancer.
Journal entry 1-12-2009
Today Shaun and I received the news that devastated our world. We found out the reason why his leg injury wasn't healing, he had bone cancer and it had spread throughout his body. How we cried together in the car for what seemed like hours. We didn't want to share our emotions yet with David so we spent over two hours in the car crying and discussing his options. He knew that he was dying and that he didn't want chemo treatments. I tried to convince him that it would give him time but he rationalized it as sick time and not quality time so we both agreed.
My hero was dying and I was helpless to prevent it. I am not going to let him see me cry anymore because I want him to know that I am strong even though inside I am dying with him. I'll write more once I have better control over my emotions, but right now, I am totally numb and unable to write without crying.
I could see the stains that dad's tears made on the pages, and felt his pain. I remember them telling me of dad's cancer, and how hard, we all had cried that day. I flipped the journal open to where dad had left his pen, and read the words of pain and grief that he wrote. I loved my dad and it broke my heart to see that he was grieving so. I was just about to close the book when I felt his hands on my shoulders. I turned my face up to him and saw the tears in his eyes as he said...
"Those words weren't for you David, I know how much you miss him and I didn't want to add anymore pain and suffering on you," dad said to me as I got up.
He was crying uncontrollably now as I took him in my arms and held him tight.
"Shhhh," I said softly as I held him to me as I rubbed his back, and I could feel his deep sobs. "Don't cry daddy," I said as I pushed him out some and looked into his tear-filled eyes. "Daddy wouldn't want us to be in pain and crying all the time," I told him.
"My heart feels so empty and alone son," he says to me and I knew how he felt.
"I'm sorry daddy," and I kissed him as my dad would have kissed him, hard and full of the emotions we were feeling.
"Stop son we can't," he said and left the room with me trailing him.
"Why dad, and don't tell me it isn't right," I said to him as I grabbed his arm just outside his bedroom. "You know as well as I do that dad wouldn't want you to be alone," I told him.
"It's not that son, it's just your emotions that are making you feel this way," he tells me. "Grief does strange things to people, making them do things that they wouldn't normally do," he says and pulls away from me.
"Dad, you might as well know that I have been in love with you for some time now. I watched how you both acted throughout the years, and then when dad was dying. I saw the love, that you both had, and how it was unconditional dad, and I wanted a love like that. I also saw that you were the glue that held together your love affair and dad leaned on you constantly, as he drew his love and strength from you."
"It was a two way street son, we drew our love and strength off each other," he tells me. "Yes I was the one that started our romance, but it took both of us to keep it together throughout the years. It was hard, having to be careful around family and friends, so that they didn't find out that we were lovers. That was the reason we moved to the north, to be away from family that would definitely find out about us had we stayed in Mississippi. We were just lucky that Shaun could find a job, because even though I worked from home, and made great money, he refused to retire and live off me son."
"Then why not let me in and love you as I want to dad? Let me be your lover and husband now dad," I ask looking deep into his eyes.
"I'm not ready son, to love you or anyone else as a lover," he tells me. "I don't want you to have to hide your love and sneak around through life because of me," he says as he steps into his room, and he closes the door and locks it.
"Daddy please," I yell, banging on his door but he refused to open it for me.
So there I stood... alone and rejected. I walked back to his study and sat in the dark... alone.
This my readers is where we both have chose to stop our story. It is too painful to continue writing and reliving the pain of the last few months. Maybe later we may write more, but we just can't yet so please forgive our letting you hang.
firstname.lastname@example.org if you wish to comment. Please put in the subject line David, if you wish for him to receive it.