Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2002 19:19:49 EDT From: RitchChristopher@cs.com Subject: and-a-time-for-reapin'-2 All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> AND A TIME FOR REAPIN' A story by Ritch Christopher <> Chapter Two "...and then, Mother, just at the same exact moment when Jesus dies on the cross, well then, Charlton Heston's mother and sister were cured of leprosy! I got goosebumps and tears filled up my eyes. Gosh! It was wonderful!!" "You mean to tell me that your Uncle Webb took you to a religious movie?" she asked in amazement. "Yes, Mother! It was almost like going to church except they didn't pass the collection plate...and you could eat popcorn...and no one sang any hymns. But there was a kinda heavenly choir singing all over the theater with sound coming from all four walls and even the ceiling, I think!" "And then, you came straight home?" Mother quizzed, suspiciously. "Webb didn't take you to one of his honky tonks?" "Gosh, no!" "And did you behave yourself?" "Yes, ma'am, sure did." "And did Webb behave himself?" "Mother, he was fantastic. He didn't get mad once at anybody. He treated me like I was his best friend or something." Only the good Lord knows what she would've said if I told her what happened on the front porch after we got home. "Well, just don't go making a habit of running around with him like you're his 'best friend' of you'll find yourself on the road to hell...the same as he," she added. "Mother, why do you say those things about Uncle Webb?" "Because...listen to the way he talks to your grandpa. He drinks beer, goes out with loose women, comes home drunk and pitches a big fit every time your grandpa says anything to him. I won't have you picking up his ways. They're the ways of the devil!" "Who you talking about? Webb?" Grandpa asked as he entered the kitchen for breakfast. "Who else?" Mother replied. "You listen to your mother, Jerry Boy," Grandpa said. "Webb is no good...never has been...never will be." I knew it was hopeless to defend my new champion when I was so out-numbered by the two people that disliked him the most. I was sure that Webb had had nothing to drink and I couldn't understand why he hadn't come down from his room for breakfast. Mother had made buttermilk biscuits, fried some country ham, and scrambled about a dozen eggs. But then, I didn't know how he or I would look at each other this morning. Would he hate me? Would he belittle me out loud in front of everybody? I was certain he wouldn't mention the moonlight or the kisses. I just hoped he hadn't regretted it and decided to hold it against me. Henry came into the kitchen and went to the sink to wash his hands before sitting at the breakfast table. "Henry, are you going to be free to take me to the doctor's today?" Mother asked him. "Yes, ma'am." "My appointment is for eleven o'clock this morning. "Yes, ma'am." "Why are you going to the doctor?" I asked, hoping not to arouse Henry's or Grandpa's suspicion. "I just need him to prescribe something to make me feel a bit better," she lied. "I thought that Geritol might pick me up, but maybe I need something a little stronger." "Maybe you ought to go see 'Ben Hur'. Who knows? Maybe something in the film will make you feel better." "Ben Hur?" Grandpa asked. "I saw that movie when I was just a boy...Warner Baxter...that was his name." "Whose name?" I inquired. "The actor that played 'Ben Hur'," he replied. "No, Grandpa, it was Charlton Heston." I said. "I thought he played Moses." "Well, he did." "Mornin', everybody." Webb said as he entered. "Mornin', Webb," Mother said, pouring the big gray enameled coffee pot. "Mornin'" I said, avoiding his eyes. "Hmmph!" was Grandpa's greeting to Webb. "Jerry Boy was telling us about the movie, Webb." Mother said, pouring hot coffee into Webb's cup. "...said it was full of religion." "Some," Webb answered, "but it was more about chariot races." "It's a pity you didn't get the same biblical experience that Jerry Boy said he got from it." "Oh, I guess I slept through those parts." Webb said, lying, to get a rise out of her. "I figured," Mom retorted. "Webb," Grandpa interrupted, "if you can find time, I want you to go over the lower south section today and check on the silks. Without much rain, they may be turning brown prematurely." "Yessir." Webb answered. "Any other plans you have for me today?" "That'll do for now," Grandpa replied. But check with me when you're through." "Yes, SIR!" "Why don't you take Jerry Boy with you?" Grandpa continued. "This'll all be his one day." "You mean it'll all be his AFTER I die," Webb said, rather firmly, emphasizing "I". "I'll outlive you! And so will Jerry Boy!" Grandpa said, topping Webb's remark. "We'll see, old man. We'll see!" was Webb's answer as he banged a spoon of scrambled eggs onto his plate. I held my breath wondering how far THIS morning's argument would go on. The two of them had words every time they got together in the room for only a few minutes. I still hadn't looked into Webb's eyes, so I didn't know what he was thinking or feeling about the porch incident. I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach at the thought of going all the way to the southern fields with him. I suddenly lost my appetite and asked to be excused from the table. "Aren't you hungry?" Mother asked. "No, ma'am." I replied. "I got a little bit of an upset stomach." "Probably all that popcorn and junk you ate at the movies last night." "Yes, ma'am. Probably." I left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. I really didn't have to go, so I put down the lid on the commode and just sat there with trepid anticipation. Fifteen minutes later, I heard Webb's voice calling to me. "Hey! Hey, Jerry! You comin' or not?" "Be right there," I yelled back. "Well, come on out to the stable and we'll saddle two horses. I'm not about to get my car stuck in three feet of cow shit! I mean, exCUSE me, you all, cow MANURE!!." He went out the door slamming the screendoor behind him By the time I reached the barn, Webb had his AND my horses all saddled, bridled. and ready to go. I was a bit taken back by the fact he did that for me. Webb never did anything out the ordinary for anyone, and here he was doing me a favor. "Thanks, Uncle Webb," I said and then he gave me a stern look. I mean, thanks, Webb." "That's better." he replied with a half smile. "I figgered you were in the bathroom jerkin' off or somethin' and needed more time." I know my face must've turned bright red because I could feel the rush going through my body. "Shit, you ain't embarrassed about jerkin' off, are you?" "Uh, nah," I said, trying to lower my voice to sound older. "It's just that I don't do it that much." "Whaddya mean you don't do it that much." "Well," I continued, lying, "maybe once a month or every six weeks or so." "Good Godamighty! When I was your age, I was doin' it six or seven times a day...EVERY DAY!" Webb replied. "Once a month? Jesus Christ! That ain't healthy, boy." I looked with him, half believing and half in fear. "What do you mean?" I asked. "You go that long between jerk offs and your balls will fill so big with cum, they just might explode!" "Are you serious?" I asked, wide-eyed. "I heard about a couple of them Catholic priests that pretend they don't ever have sex, went so long without cumming, they're ball sacks just built up and exploded right under them brown robes they were wearin'. Hell, one of 'em was in the pulpit when it happened." "You're kidding, right?" "Nope!" he replied authoritatively. "Why do you think that Catholics have monasteries or whatever you call 'em? That's where they send the priests whose balls explode so no one'll ever see them again. I heard they even start talkin' in high-pitched voices like a woman. That's why they don't have women in their choirs. It's the deballed men who sing soprano!" I didn't know much about Catholics, but I did know they had monasteries for monks, so what Webb was saying, halfway made sense to me. "So, my advice to you is to start jerkin' off as much as possible, Jerry, or you'll be singin; soprano solos in that Baptist church your mother drags you to every Sunday." "I'll try," I managed to say. But I was in no danger because I DID jerk off every day, and now since both of those kisses last night, I intended to do it even more. "What about you?" I asked bravely. "Do you still jerk off at your age?" "Nah, I don't have to." he bragged. "If you can fuck at least one woman every Saturday night, then you can go a whole week without havin' to." I tried my best to understand why having sex with a woman in one night equaled a whole week of jerking off by yourself. It just didn't make sense logically. "Just wait, as soon as you have your first fuck, you'll understand what I'm talkin' about." I took his words at face-value and mounted my horse. That was the end of our conversation as he rode about ten feet in front of me. Nothing was ever said about last night...not one word and boy, was I glad! I, surely wasn't going to bring up the subject, especially if he didn't. The two of us surveyed all the southern fields for the next three hours. Grandpa was right. The corn silks were turning brown...much too soon. That meant the corn ears weren't growing big enough and the crop would have to be harvested before it was fully ready. It hadn't rained in over two months. Even the corn stalks were turning white and brittle. Most of this corn would not be fit to sell to any of the canneries. It would have to be ground into livestock feed which Grandpa sold for less profit than the full golden and white ears. I could see the look of disgust on Webb's face as he examined row after row of sunburned cornstalks. "Stupid old son-of-a-bitch!" Webb exclaimed as he yanked off a couple of shucks and threw them on the ground. "I told him a thousand times we oughta dig new trenches and git new irrigation pumps, but you can't convince that old geezer of anything. He won't come down here and see for himself what a mess we're gettin' into. No, he sends me...and when I tell him what I see, he has a fit and won't believe me. He thinks I'm lyin' and that I want to sell the farm as soon as he dies." "You wouldn't, would you?" I asked, directly. "Wouldn't what?" "Sell the farm." "Hell, no! Why do you think I keep bringin' up those damned pumps to him? 'Cause I wanna see the farm fail?" Webb said, earnestly. "Then you DO care about it?" "Sure, I care!" he replied. "Why, if I ran this place, there'd be water everywhere...and those thousands of acres on the east side would all be plowed up and replanted with soy beans. There's a big market for them...and it's gonna get bigger. We got room to grow tobacco, too, Why, in a couple of years, this place could be makin' millions...even more!" "Why won't Grandpa listen to you, then?" "He's a stubborn old fool...and he's a Donahue!" "You and I are Donahues, aren't we?" "Yeah, but we're younger. We're the new generation of Donahues. We got better ideas and can look into the future." Once again, I was astonished as Webb revealed still another side of his character that no one...not Grandpa, Mother, or even me...NO ONE had ever seen. He really did care about the farm. My hero was becoming bigger and better in my eyes with each minute since last night. Sitting on his white steed, he looked like my white knight. Besides Mother and Grandpa, I guess I loved no one else. But I suddenly loved my uncle. All the bad things that had been said against him were disappearing right before my eyes. Webb had a good side that he'd never showed before...and I felt thrilled that he was letting me see it. "I'll help you." I said, in quiet defiance. "What?" "I said I'd help you! You know, plant soy beans, tobacco, whatever you want." "Well, if the old fart lives as long as he says he's goin' to, then we won't ever have the chance, We'll be old and senile just the same as he is." he replied, almost defeated. "What if the TWO of us...you and I...went to talk with him, together?" "Wouldn't do no good. He's too old and set in his ways to listen to anybody. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if, when he dies,and Saint Pete sees what he was goin' be up against, Pete'll probably send him right back to Tennessee and have him take the farm back over." I had to laugh at Webb's joke, but then, he really wasn't joking. Would Saint Peter ever send anyone back to earth after they died? I wondered if Mother would find that as funny as I did. Probably not. With her, she took everything about religion very seriously. Since God hadn't written any jokes in the whole Bible, there was absolutely nothing in there to make fun of. Webb and I took the long way home, primarily, to avoid getting home to learn of the next chore Grandpa had thought of for Webb to do once we got back. Instead of leading the way, this time Webb chose to ride along side of me. That way we could talk...that is, if we could find some topic that didn't touch on last night's porch action. "Why's your mother going to the doctor so much lately?" I froze. I didn't want to reveal the secret that Mother had told me, but at the same time, Webb was becoming my best friend and best friends are supposed to be able to tell everything to each other. "Have you asked her?" I said, trying to see if he knew the truth or was pumping me to see how much I knew. "Nah," Webb replied, "but I have noticed her being edgy lately and she's lost some weight. Haven't you noticed it?" "Yeah, kinda." He looked at me for a moment, quietly."You know something you're not tellin' me?" he asked, pointedly. "Well...sorta." "What d'ya mean, 'sorta'?" "I...I promised her I wouldn't tell." "Then you DO know somethin'?" "Yeah, I know everything, Webb." "Well, can't you trust me?" "I...guess so." "Well?" "She's sick, Webb...very sick." "Sick how?" "She's...she's got breast cancer, Webb." "My God, Jerry, why didn't she or you say something? Does your grandpa know, not that he would remember?" "No. That's why she wanted to keep it a secret." "She ain't dyin', is she?" I could feel the tears coming on again and I couldn't let Webb see me cry twice inside of twelve hours. "Yes, Webb...she's dying." "God, how long does she have?" "Not long...maybe a month or two," I said, my voice trembling. "Wasn't nothing they could do for her. It'd spread too far before they discovered it." Webb was silent. He let the news I had just revealed to him sink in. I could see him taking quick glances at me, not knowing what to say next. "You've been mighty brave, little man, carrying that news on your shoulders. Damn! I had no idea." "You gotta promise not to say anything, Webb. I promised her I wouldn't tell you, Grandpa, or Henry." "Looks like things are goin' to be different around the farm real soon." "I know," I said. "That's why I get so upset when you and Grandpa start screaming at each other. Mother's always there to keep the peace and calm Grandpa down after you storm out of the house." "I can't help it, boy, and yet, I feel guilty if I'm puttin' added pressure on you just now. I'm sorry, Jerry." "It's OK." I replied, "I mean, most of the time...or at least some of the time, I want to take your side against Grandpa...and after this morning when I heard the things you said to me about keeping the farm and planting soy beans and stuff, I wish now I HAD taken your side and spoken up for you!" "You don't have to speak up for me around that old man. I can handle myself. He and I had shoutin' matches long before you were born. Your dad was always his favorite. I've always been shiftless and irresponsible in your grandpa's eyes...and always will be. He's too old to change the way he feels about me. He's had an inner hate for me all my life, I guess. When your dad joined the army and got killed, it broke his heart and, at the same time, scared the shit out of him that he might die and have to leave the farm to me. Then your mother came to Tennessee and you were born...well, then, you were like your dad being born all over again and your grandpa had someone to leave everything to, besides me." "I don't want it, Webb. It rightfully belongs to you." "That ain't the way your grandpa sees it." "I told you I'd help you. I want YOU to have it." "I heard you, but I bet that ain't the way he's got his will set up." "Then, if it's left to me...well, I'll give it to you. You can leave it to me in YOUR will." "Oh? So now you're sayin' YOU'RE gonna outlive me, too?" I knew he was half joking, but then, maybe he wasn't. I WOULD give it to Webb, though. Then he began to touch upon the subject of "last night". "You know, Jerry," he started in a very serious tone, but not looking at me. "After you went into the house last night...well, you know, after...well, after what happened between us, I went for a long walk, The moon was up full and I could see for miles. I walked all the way to the highway and back and did a lot of thinkin', I guess your mother would call it 'soul searchin'." I didn't want to ask what he thought about. If he wanted to tell me, he would. "I...well, when you were cryin' with your head on my chest, it hit me that I'd really never been a real 'uncle' to you. I suppose I sorta resented you because you were so much like your dad. Me and your dad got along all right. But you made me stop and think how hard it is on you to grow up with a asshole for a grandpa, a Bible-totin' mother, and the town drunk and party boy for an uncle. I realized you didn't have many friends and no one to talk to. 'Fifteen' can be rough on a boy. You've had no one to show you how to be a man. There ain't been no one in your life to help you along. THAT should've been my job all along, and I haven't done a very good job of it." "I knew you would be there if I needed you, Uncle Webb." I purposely called him, 'uncle' just to emphasize that we were blood relatives. "I should've been takin' you places and havin' long talks with you. You...uh...told me in so many words that you were a virgin...never tasted a beer. Why, when I was your age, every friend I had had already done those things...not that they were good or the right thing to do, but it's just a part of growin' up. You've grown up as much as you could and I know it's been a tough row to hoe. You haven't had your dad around to teach you things...'man' things." I suddenly felt I was inadequate for my age and maybe even a disappointment to him. "Let's go over to the creek and have a cool drink of water. We can sit and talk there." The first thought that ran into my head was that he was going to try to tell me about the birds and the bees and that would really make me feel like a retard. He pulled on his left rein and headed toward the Donahue Creek, almost at a gallop. I was a pretty good rider and did my best to keep up with his speed. We dismounted and walked down to the creek bed and knelt to scoop up a hand of cold crystal clear water. "Tastes good, doesn't it?" Webb said, wiping his mouth on his red-checkered shirtsleeve. "Great." "'s'too cold for a swim," he said. "Might feel good though," I said. "Are you man enough to brave it?" he asked. "I am if you are," I dared him. "What's the matter? Too cold for you?" "Shit, no!" "All right, who's going in first?" I asked, being glad that a swim might subside the serious conversation that I expected. "Jaybird?" "I can take it if you can." I bragged, fearful, since I knew the water was really, really cold. The creek started somewhere on the mountain and flowed into the pond adjacent to the creek. The water level was down due to the drought. Then the idea hit me what I had just agreed to. I couldn't take off my clothes in front of Webb. What if I saw him naked and got excited and sprang a boner? I would have no choice but duck my head under the water and drown myself, but then, I knew that my penis and balls would shrink once they felt the cold water. The problem was...how would I get from the shore to the pond without risking the inevitable? I would just have to run and take my chances...I knew I wouldn't look at him...then I wouldn't get an erection. Fortunately, he was wearing cowboy boots which meant it would take him longer to undress. I could take off my clothes and be in the water before he had the chance to notice me. That was the plan! So I stripped my jeans, shirt, and underwear off faster than I ever had before. About a minute later, I was completely naked running into the water, making sure I got at least waist-high deep. I had succeeded. He never looked at me as he had trouble with the boots. I was already swimming before he got his jeans off. Brrrrr! It WAS cold. I didn't have to worry about a hardon. I had to worry if my balls would ever drop back down as they had scrunched up in my body so far. "What's keeping you, chicken?" I screamed, splashing water and waving my hand at him. "I'll show you who's a chicken!" Webb yelled back as he pulled out his remaining leg in his jeans. He wasn't wearing underwear. I guess I knew that because I'd never seen any of his shorts hanging on the clothesline when Mother did the wash every Monday. Before he ran into the water, Webb waded in and for the first time I saw his beautiful nude body. He looked like one of those Greek god statues in my World History book. I don't know how or where he tanned his body, but it was golden brown all over. His chest was full with bubble-like muscles just above his navel. I could see a trail of dark brown hair leading from his middle down to his pubic area, which was full and bushy. His penis was long, covering massive balls. He had tremendous muscles on the top of his thighs. I didn't realize my jaw had dropped in awe until I got a mouthful of unexpected water. He was a powerful swimmer, taking very few strokes to arrive at the point where I was 'hiding'. "Now who's a chicken?" he said as he spewed a mouth of water like a whale onto my untanned white chest. He lunged, putting both of his hands on top of my head and pushed me under the water with force. About a gallon of cold water went up into my nostrils and down my throat as I sputtered and coughed when I emerged. "Two can play that game!" I exclaimed, as I reached for his head to do to him what he had just done to me. He was stronger and held his ground. I tried several times to dunk his head, but it wouldn't budge. I struggled and jumped toward him and without thinking about consequences; I wrapped my legs around his waist and locked both my feet behind him. To counteract my attack, he bent over at the waist, submerging me once again. I didn't let go of my hold on him and he fell forward on top of me. We both went under and came up laughing. I'd never had so much fun in the water. I'd gone swimming four or five times with Henry, but we always wore bathing trunks and never had any body contact or playful shenanigans as I was doing with Webb. Once again, he tried to get me to release my body hold on him by standing and twirling in a circle, trying to sling me off him. I would not give him the satisfaction. I held him as firmly as I could. "OK, OK, I give!" Webb finally said. I released my legs and in doing so, I slid down the front of him and got the biggest surprise of my life. As I was sliding down to stand up, I realized I had straddled his penis between my legs. It was long and hard as a rock, in spite of the cold water. I locked it between my legs and tightened my thighs as if I had just captured a sea monster. My arms were around his neck. His hands went behind my back and slid down to my buttocks and he pulled me into him. Then, the next surprise...he started moving his hips forward and backward, fucking my inner thighs, which still held him tautly. He had the same look in his eyes in the sun that I had looked into last night in the moonlight. I moved my head closer to his and placed my lips on his. Then came the consummate shock...his tongue was prying my lips apart. I opened my mouth slightly and his tongue slipped in past my teeth and met my tongue. Sure, the water was icy, but that wasn't the cause of my goosebumps. They would have popped up if we had done this in the middle of the Sahara Desert in 110 degree heat. Webb continued his rocking motion until nature took its course and I was fully erect also. He released my right butt cheek and brought his hand between our bodies to grasp my hardened penis. I was so excited, I pushed his tongue from my mouth and gorged mine into his and explored the inside of his mouth. I let it roam all over the inside of his teeth and the bottom and top of his tongue in circles. Last night had been wonderful, but this...this...words couldn't describe how I felt...a combination of fear, guilt, embarrassment, and ecstasy. The golden moment came to a quick halt as Webb suddenly removed his hands from his grasp on me and pushed on my chest, causing me to fall backward with a huge splash. I thought he was still horsing around until I came up from the water, wiped my eyes and saw the look in his eyes. His pools of blue no longer looked passionate. His face, especially his brow indicated a conglomerate of fear, disgust, and hatred. I came forward slowly to recapture what we had going just seconds ago and again his arms thrust against my chest, feeling more like the jolt of two fists. "NO!" Webb screamed. "NO! THIS AIN'T RIGHT!" I regained my balance and stood up. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" he continued his rage. "DON'T COME NEAR ME OR I'LL HIT YOU! I SWEAR THAT I WILL!". I had to flee. I dived into the water and swam swiftly to the shore. Webb remained in the water. I could see he hadn't turned around to look at me as he was staring in the opposite direction. I dressed so fast I didn't bother to don my socks; I put my shoes on the wrong feet, caught myself and put them on correctly, ran to my horse, mounted it and rode toward the farmhouse as fast as the nag could take me there, crying all the way. The car was parked in the drive in front of the house which meant that Mother was home from the doctor's. I wanted to go see about her and hear the latest news about her illness, but I didn't know if I could put on a front for her without revealing what had just happened at the creek. I heard Henry's voice in the living room, talking with Grandpa. I thought I would in and speak to let them know I was home but I had to run to the john. There were only the two of them in the room. "Where's Mother?" I asked as I looked around. "Come in, Jerry boy," Grandpa said. Again, I asked, "Where's Mother?" "She's not here, Jerry Boy," Henry replied. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. "Whaddya mean she's not here? Where is she?" "She's in Park View Hospital," Henry said. "What happened?", I almost shouted. "I'm not sure," Henry continued. "I waited on her in the lobby of the Doctor's office and she was gone for over an hour. Finally, a nurse came out and told me that your Mother had taken sick and the doctor had called an ambulance to take her to the hospital." "Did you see her?" I asked, fearfully. "Only when she was on that thing the ambulance people put on to roll her out of the office." "Did she say anything?" "Not much. She just told me to tell you not to worry." "She didn't say what was wrong?" "She mentioned something about her white corpuscles or somethin' were way up and the doctor wanted to send her to the hospital for some tests. I did hear one of the nurses telling another that your Mother had fainted or passed out or somethin'." "I gotta go see her!" I said with urgency. "Can I take the car, Grandpa?" "Why don't you let Henry or Webb take you?" Grandpa said. "You're so wound up, you're liable to wreck the car and kill yourself." The mention of Webb's name made me realize I had momentarily forgotten the encounter at the lake. I couldn't think about that right now, I had to get to Mother as soon as possible. The incident with Webb would have to wait to be resolved. "Henry, for God's sake! Take me to see her!" "Watch it, boy," Grandpa said, topping my volume. "Don't go using the Lord's name in vain. You know what your Grandma would say about that if she heard you!" "Grandpa, Grandma is dead!" I screamed. "She is not!" he snapped. "Why do you say things like that to upset me? She's...she's in the kitchen fixin' lunch." "Oh, Lord! I can't take this! Henry, will you drive me to the hospital or not?" "Sure, Jerry boy. Go on out to the car and I'll meet you there." We sped down the driveway. As we got halfway to the highway, we saw Webb on his horse riding to the farm. "There's your Uncle Webb. You wanna stop and tell him about your mother?" "NO! Just keep goin'!" I shouted. Henry turned south on the highway toward town. Everything bad was happening at once. As we drove, guilty feelings kept entering my brain. I believed in God but somehow I never accepted all the things Mother had said about Him...or even Brother Tomlinson, the Baptist preacher. But if everything they said was true, then God had seen me and Webb and what we had done. Good Lord, had I made Mother sick by my sinful actions? How much would God punish me? Would He take Mother from me so soon? I was still counting on a few more months with her. It wasn't her fault, what I'd done. Why punish her? I started crying in my fear and prayed silently that she would be better by the time we got to the hospital. I closed my eyes tighter and prayed harder. Without being aware of Henry's presence, my silent prayer became verbal. "Forgive me, Lord." I said whispering through clenched teeth. "Forgive me! Please don't take Mother now. Please." I realized that what I had said was loud enough for Henry to hear. I froze, once again, but this time it was for a different reason. "Whatchu talking about, boy?" Henry asked. "Whaddya mean?" "Whatchu askin' forgiveness for? What have you done?" "What are you talking about?" I said, trying to cover my verbal discretion. "Just now. I heard you prayin' or somethin' and you were askin' for forgiveness. What have you done so wrong?" "I don't want to talk about it, Henry." "It sounded to me like you ought to be talkin' to someone about it," Henry said, looking at me more than he was the road in front of him, "Come on now. You and me have done things that no one knows about. We don't keep secrets, do we?" I didn't reply to his question. Sure, Henry had taught me about masturbation, but we hadn't gone as far as Webb and me. I mean, I hadn't kissed Henry or nothing. I liked him, yeah, but I didn't feel any love for him in my heart the way I had Uncle Webb. Mother had read something in the Bible about having 'lust in your heart' and that's exactly what I had done. I had sinned...sinned badly by having lust in my heart for my uncle. I didn't want Henry to know about it. I didn't want ANYBODY to know, but apparently God knew. Gosh! What a mess I had caused. I swore that if Mother died because of my sin, then I'd never touch myself again. I didn't care if my ball sack DID fill up and burst. Baptists didn't have monasteries, or at least I didn't think they did. I could hitchhike out to California, jump a ship and go to some South Sea island and disappear where no one knew me. "You gonna tell me?" Henry asked with persistence. "No, Henry, that's between me and God. We gotta work it out...just the two of us." "OK, but just remember, any time you wanna talk about it, I'm here. OK?" "Thanks. I'll remember that." I said. Fat chance I would tell him about it. I would tell NO ONE about it, and that was final!!! We arrived at the hospital and I jumped out of the car before it had stopped, leaving the door open. I ran. If Mother was dying, I had to see her as soon as possible. There were three people ahead of me in line at the information desk. I pretended I didn't see them. I stepped in front of them and got the nurse's attention by saying rather loudly, "Mrs. Donahue! She's a patient here! She's my mother." "Just a minute, young man, I'll see," she replied, running her finger down a long list of admissions on a stand up card holder. "She's in room 423." "Thanks!" I replied. "Wait!" the nurse stopped me. "How old are you?" "Fifteen," I said. "Well, I'm sorry, but unless you're sixteen, you'll have to be accompanied by an adult for visitation." "But I'll be sixteen in a couple of weeks." "Well, I'm sorry, but rules are rules." "BUT IT'S MY MOTHER!" I screamed at her. "Please lower your voice, young man, this is a hospital, not a ball field." Just then I saw Henry, who had parked the car, coming in the front door. "Look! There's my brother!" I lied. "He's an adult. Can I go upstairs with him?" "I suppose," she replied, staring at Henry with an examining eye. Henry and I didn't look anything like one another. We could never pass as brothers. "Just remember where you are and behave accordingly. No more outbursts." "Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry." I ran to Henry. "Now what kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into?" Henry asked. "Nothing, Let's just get up to the fourth floor...room 423." Mother was in a room all to herself. I panicked when I saw her. Her nose and mouth were covered with a plastic oxygen mask. I could see some kind of wire coming from the opening at the top of her hospital gown; another from her left arm; both going to some kind of monitoring machine which kept beeping and making lines on some sort of graphs on tiny green television screens. There was a needle in her arm with a clear liquid in a bag dripping into it. Her eyes were closed. But she was breathing. She was alive. That was the most important thing. Her bed was fixed so that she was halfway sitting up. I walked slowly to her side. "Mother?" I said, quietly. She opened her eyes and they slowly met mine. She smiled and I felt a sense of relief. "Hi, Honey," she whispered through the oxygen mask. "Mother, what happened?" "I don't know. I felt a little weak when I got to the doctor's and he stuck a needle in my arm and then I passed out, I guess." Her voice was weaker than I'd ever heard it. "Don't you worry. I'll get my strength back. I shouldn't be in the hospital for more than a few days." "Sure," I said, comforting her. "You'll rally back and be home in time to make biscuits and gravy next Sunday before church." "I don't know if I'll feel well enough to go to church, but I do promise to make you some biscuits." "I'll even get up early enough to watch you and learn how to make them and then, by the next Sunday, I'll be able to make 'em myself and I'll even serve you breakfast in bed." "I'll have to wait and see that for myself," she managed to joke. "I will. I promise." "How's your Grandpa? Does he know I'm in the hospital? I don't want him to worry. You know how weak his heart is and he has high blood pressure that he has to worry about, too." "You know Grandpa, Mother. He may know you're in the hospital one minute and the next second he's already forgotten, the way his mind comes and goes." "Who's taking care of him right now?" "Uh, Webb was riding toward the house as we were coming down the driveway." "Oh Lord," she said, "without one of us there to referee, your Grandpa and Webb could be in a fist fight by now." "Don't you worry about that." I assured her. "Henry and I will see that we keep the peace between them." "My poor, Jerry boy," she said with a half smile, "you have had to grow up so fast and carry the weight of the world on your shoulders." "I can handle it, Mother. Don't forget, my sixteenth birthday's coming up." "Sixteen and so wise for your years." she said, squeezing my hand. "Your daddy would've been so proud of you. The older you get, the more and more you look and act like him." "I hope so, Mother." "It's in your genes. You're going to grow up to be a fine man...just like he was." A nurse came in the room to ask us to leave, as Mother needed her rest. I gave mother a long look and bent down to kiss her hand on her right arm attached to the needle. "I love you," she said. "I love you, too, Mother. Just concentrate on getting your strength back and I'll be back to see you tomorrow." "Thank you," she said, smiling. "Now go home and see if your Grandpa and uncle have started World War Three between them and wrecked the house." "Yes, maam. Now get some rest." Henry and I left her room and took the elevator to the lobby. When we got to the car and headed home, Henry asked, "Did you find out what's wrong with her?" There was no reason to lie to Henry any longer. "She...she has breast cancer, Henry, and it's spread all over her body." "Good heavens!" Henry exclaimed. "How long have you known?" "Oh...about six months, I guess." "You mean you've known about her that long and kept it to yourself?" "Yeah." "Does Webb know?" "He didn't until I told him this morning when we were surveying the south fields." "God, Jerry boy, I don't know how you kept that secret so long." "I promised Mother I wouldn't tell." "And there's nothing they can do for her?" "No." I replied in resignation. "She's dying, Henry. It won't be long." "Is that what you were prayin' about on the way to the hospital?" "...Partly." "What's the rest of it, Jerry boy?" "I can't talk about it." "You mean you have another secret you're hidin'?" "Yeah." "Does Webb know about it? I mean did you tell him?" "He knows something about it." "Well, thank God you said somethin' to somebody about it. You shouldn't be keepin' a bunch of heavy things like that to yourself...not at your age, anyways." "I'm alright...or at least I think I am." That was the end of our conversation the rest of the way home. As soon as I opened the door of the car, I could hear Grandpa and Webb yelling loud enough at each other to be heard all the way outside. "Lord, Henry, listen to that. Mother was right." "Let's us go in and see if we can declare a truce between 'em." When Henry and I entered room, the verbal battle stopped. Webb looked at me. "How is she?" Webb said, almost in a scream as his voice was still warmed up from the heated discussion he had been having with Grandpa." "We talked with her," I said. "There's a whole bunch of wires, tubes, and needles attached to her, but she said she'd be home in a day or two." "Who's that you're talking about?" Grandpa asked, "Your grandma?" "No, Grandpa, my mother." "Well, as long as she's back to cook breakfast in the morning." "Shit, old man!" Webb screamed. "Didn't you hear the boy just say that's she's in the hospital? She's sick! She won't be home to cook your breakfast tomorrow mornin' or even the next day for that matter." "Then your grandma will have to do the chores then." Grandpa replied. "Goddammit!" Webb shouted. "I can't take much more of this! You ought to be in a home somewhere...a home for stupid old fools. You're not aware of anything goin' on around here." "I won't have you saying things like that. God'll punish you for using words like that." "He can't punish me any more than I'm already being punished, just bein' around you." Webb went out the front door. I hesitated following him because I still didn't know how mad he was about our "doings" earlier in the day. I watched through the screen door as I saw him reach under the seat of his Corvette and withdraw a hidden bottle of Jack Daniel's. He put it under his arm and headed for the barn. I took a deep breath...enough to drum up my courage and followed him after the barn door was shut. I opened the huge door just wide enough to wedge my body through. I didn't see Webb at first but I discovered he was in the third hay stall, sitting on the ground and taking a big swig of the whiskey. He swallowed a big gulp and saw me. "What the hell do you want?" he asked. "Nothing," I replied. "I just wanted to get out of the house...the same as you." "Well, there's other places you can go besides high-tailin' after me." "I know. I'll go if you want me to." "I want you to," Webb replied. I turned to go and he stopped me. "Wait! Come back here a minute." "Yessir?" "Sit down and let's talk about this mornin'." "What's there to talk about? Nothing really happened, did it?" I asked. "Yeah...a LOT happened and I think we ought to clear the air between us." "OK." I said, sitting on the hay on the opposite side of the stable stall, He took another swig from the bottle. "I want you to know I've never done anything like that before in my life. I don't know what came over me or why I let it go as far as it did." "I figured," I said. "I guess it was all my fault." "Maybe the first part...but the last part was my doin'. You had nothin' to do with it. That was MY fault. Maybe the kissin' part was just a holdover from last night...but that hardon business and me hunchin' you in the lake...and then...then when I reached around and grabbed hold of your pecker. Well, you had nothin' to do with that. I swear to God I don't know what made me do that. Why, I'd have killed anybody whoever even thought I'd touch another guy's pecker...let alone, actually do it." "That's OK." I said, "I didn't think much about it. If anything, I kinda enjoyed it." "That's what I thought. That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. You ain't never had a woman. I just hate it that your first sexual experience was with a man." He drank again. "I'm kinda glad it was with me an nobody else because, since it was with me, it can stop here and you won't go doin' anything like that with some stranger. I mean, you might get to like it and wind up as a queer or somethin' and that's the last thing in the world you'd ever want to do. Queers are queer and that's all there is to it! It ain't right and you oughta get those things out of your mind while you're young and don't turn into one yourself! If you want a woman, then I'll get you one. You can go out with me and we'll pick up a couple of whores and you can see what real sex is all about." "I...I don't want a woman," I replied with great trepidation. "Goddammit! Didn't you hear a word I said?" he screamed. "I heard you...and I still don't want a woman." I said, standing my ground. "Don't tell me you want another man or a boy!" "I don't," I said. "I...I want you." The bottle was halfway to his lips but he stopped at what I had said and let it sink in, "Why the fuck do you want me? I don't want you! There's not a queer bone in my body or a queer thought in my head!" "I don't know. I just do," I said. "I went to my room and jerked off thinking about you all night...after we kissed." "I don't know why that happened either." "I kissed you...and you kissed me back, didn't you?" I asked, bravely. "Why?" "Dammit! I don't know that either! he shouted. "I didn't sleep much last night either, just thinkin' about it!" "I guess if affected you as much as it did me...but in a different way." "Goddamn right it was in a different way!" he replied, taking another drink. "What did you think about when you were jerkin' off?" "Lots of things." "Like what?" "...Thinking about how nice it would be to be laying naked in bed next to you." "Shit, boy! You're queer already, ain't you?" "I don't think it's queer if my feelings are honest and from my heart." "What other things did you think about?" "Oh, I don't know. Us...jerkin' off together. Maybe." "Anything else?" "I thought about putting your thing in my mouth and sucking on it." "Good God! That's disgustin'! I've heard just about everything now...and comin' from my own nephew!" "Why? You told me last night about your eating pussy." "That's OK! A man's born to eat pussy, NOT to suck on a dick." "If it was dark at night, what difference would it make?" I asked. "It wouldn't feel the same because I would know it was a man's mouth and not a woman's." "I'll bet you couldn't tell the difference." "That's bullshit!" he scowled. "How do you know so much about blow jobs?" "I've seen it done." I said, remembering Henry going down on Grandpa. "Where? Who? Have you sucked off some kid or has someone done it to you?" "No. You found out last night that I was a virgin." "Then who? I don't know of any queers in the whole county." "You'd be surprised," I replied. "I guess I would," he said, standing up with a wobble. "Turn around!" "What?" "I said turn around! I gotta piss." "I'll just close me eyes." "Well, keep 'em that way." He turned around and peed on one of the boards that separated the stalls. It seemed like a full minute before his pissing sound stopped as I squeezed my eyelids tightly. I kept waiting for him to tell me he was through and it was all right to look at him again. Finally, I opened one eye to peek what he was doing. I quickly opened both eyes when I saw he had walked all the way over to me and was standing about two feet in front of me. His fly was open and he still had his dick in his hand. I stared at it and was amazed to see he had a full erection. My gaze looked up to his eyes to see what he was doing. "Is that what you want?" he asked, slurring his words slightly. The Jack Daniels had taken effect on him and I could see he was about half drunk. I didn't reply nor did I move. "Well, is it? Is THAT what you want?" he repeated. "I suppose," I answered with a trembling voice. "Well, then, take it! Go on! Suck on it, queer." The mood was wrong and the action he proposed seemed ugly at the moment. But then, I thought this might be the only chance I would ever have to fulfill my dream, so I reach forward slowly and grabbed his penis with my right hand. "Come on! I don't have all day! If you want it...take it!" It was the wrong kind of encouragement but it was now or never and I instantly lunged forward and engulfed his entire shaft in my mouth. I had done it too quickly, as I had to gag and cough. He laughed. "What's the matter? Am I took much man for you to take?" His remark inspired my determination. I WOULD have my way with him and he WOULD enjoy it. I went to work on it with great haste. I could feel him writhe above me and he let out a little moan. "Hey, hey, slow down! Take your time!" he instructed. "Easy, boy. Go easy!" I slowed down my motion and sucked harder...long strokes in and out of my mouth. Webb began hunching my mouth as he had between my legs. He was breathing loudly and making several non-descript noises of pleasure. "Oh, my God, that's good!" he exclaimed. "Oh, yes, yes, yes, whatever you do, don't stop now!" Neither hell nor high water could stop me. This was my first time...and maybe my last, but I was going to take out all the sexual urges I'd ever felt on him. This is something I would never forget...nor would Webb, I was sure. I grabbed his balls and clutched them tightly in my hands. My left hand explored up and down his muscular hairy left leg...both front and back sides of it, going all the way to his left butt cheek, which I squeezed. My fingers had slightly entered his sweaty crack. I inched farther until my middle finger was massaging his asshole. "Oh, fuck! You'd better stop now!" he screamed. I acted as if I hadn't heard him or even knew the meaning of the word, "stop", "Jerry, please! I'm gonna cum," he announced. He got the message that I had no intention of stopping. "OK, buddy boy, if you want it, I'm gonna let you have it. ALL of it!" I felt his balls retract and a second later he had filled my mouth with a gallon load of his sweet nectar. I took all of it swallowing as fast as I could until I felt his dick go limp. Webb was so weak that he sank to his knees, his face right before mine. "Jesus!" he whispered. He slowly opened his eyes and I braced myself for him to hit me with his fist with all of his might. Instead, he cupped both my cheeks with his hands and drew my face closer to his. I thought I would faint as he planted a kiss on me and once again explored my mouth with his tongue. His passion grew greater as he pulled me sideways to the floor in the straw and he pulled my body into his to embrace me. He broke the kiss and whispered intimately into my right ear, "Oh, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, my little Jerry." His lips returned to mine. I responded the best I could, in spite of the fear that he might sober up any moment, come to his senses and beat the crap out of me. I didn't care. If he beat me up, well, it was worth it. I would enjoy this moment as long as he wanted it to last. Then I would accept my punishment. We lay in each other's arms for what must've seemed an hour until Webb fell asleep. I was pleased, satisfied, and fulfilled...for the moment; Only Lord knows what would happen when he awoke. I slowly removed his arm from my body, stood up and went over to the rail and got a gray saddle blanket to drape over him. He looked so handsome and peaceful while he slept. I just wished he could be that way when he was awake or when he wasn't drunk. I quietly knelt over him and gently kissed his cheek. I don't think he was aware of who I was, but he smiled without opening his eyes. I'd have to find out later how much he remembered. I was scared, but I felt good. (to be continued in Chapter Three)