Becoming a Boy 33
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"What do you think?" I asked Bailey. "Do you think I would look better if I had boobs?" I had a skimpy little shirt like top on, just thin straps over my shoulders. As it was, it showed my big nipples. I was trying to imagine what it would look like if I had tits.
"I don't know, Danny. I haven't ever really thought about having boobs, or thought about them on you. What made you think about that?"
"How can you NOT think about having boobs?" I asked. "You have a vagina for god's sake. Don't you ever think about being a real girl?"
Bailey smiled at me. "No, I still feel like a guy. I mean, I know I'm a big fag, and I have a pussy, but I never wanted to be a girl."
"Really? But you had your dick switched into a pussy. What not just do the rest? A vag is so much more girly than a dick, even if it is locked down."
"I'm totally submissive Danny. I just want to make my man happy and this was a way we agreed would make him VERY happy. I never used my dick like a guy before or after I met him. To me, it just didn't make sense to keep pretending I was going to do something with it and he sure as hell wasn't going to use it. He licked it a few times, but he already treated it like a clit. It just came down to what made sense for us."
"Well, I think I would look good with tits," I told him. "I'm not going to get anything from Daddy, I get it finally. I need to do what I think will work to find a man."
"Why do you think boobs will help?" he asked me.
I paused to think about it again. It had crossed my mind a couple times this weekend. If I had to find my own man, I should look as much as possible like a girl. That would increase my chances. "If I look more like a girl, I think it will increase my chances of getting a man. They could be straight or gay, or whatever, there are way more options for someone who looks like a girl to get a good man," I said. "Besides, all the guys I meet keep saying they see me as a girl, or they like my big nips, Why shouldn't I get boobs?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because you haven't met that man yet? Maybe just hang in for a while and see what happens? I did what I did BECAUSE I wanted to do it when we had been together a while, not because I thought just any man would like it. Do you want boobs because YOU want boobs or because you think some guy will like them?" Bailey finished. I had to think a bit.
"Well, ever since I started being daddy's girl, I just feel more and more comfortable. I don't know, maybe I'm supposed to be a girl? Maybe I should get boobs to make me a girl." Bailey just rolled his eyes at me.
"Look Danny, you're a faggot. I mean I know you've never fucked anyone or had anyone suck you off, but still maybe you are a guy. You're single and free right now. I wouldn't jump into anything you might regret later."
"But, I WANT a man. I don't want to wait around; I need to find a man. I can't even get off without one. God, I even sound like a girl, Bailey. I'm not even in a real college looking for a husband. I'm at a pig farm."
"Why don't you start with going more girly first? See what happens if you paint your nails all the time, wear more girl's clothing. Start doing your eyebrows, all the stuff that goes with being a girl." Bailey suggested. "I mean, I wouldn't just jump in to getting implants or anything, Danny, at least until you find the right man and that is what you decide to do when you decide with him."
"Ugh, I just want a man, NOW," I told him. I looked at my face and decided to pluck my eyebrows a bit to start. "I already have long hair and I keep my nails longer than a guy."
"Just try presenting more as a girl for a while, see what happens if you do that. Get some clothes that aren't jeans or cut-offs, work on make-up. You know, ask Stacey for help. She knows how that works.
"I'm not talking to her. She got me in all sorts of trouble, plus, she's kind of out of it right now."
"Oh yeahÉI forgot," Bailey added. "Well, since she's kinda drugged, just borrow some of her stuff. You guys are about the same size."
"You think? Would Mr. Johnson be mad?" I wondered aloud.
"No, of course not, but try it with her stuff. Then if you like it or get a good reaction, maybe then think about other stuff. I still think you should wait until you find a man. What if the one guy you meet doesn't like boobs, but likes sissy guys?" Bailey asked.
"I'm still figuring out the difference," I answered. "How much difference is there between all of us?"
"I just know my husband, Danny. He wouldn't want me to have boobs. I don't want boobs. I wanted what he wanted because I knew I was going to be with him forever. I'm always going to tell you to wait until you find the right Man." He said with finality. "Besides, what would your Dad say? Or what about your Mom?" I wondered if I should wait or if I should just start looking around at options. Maybe he was right; maybe I should start with dressing more fully as a girl and see what happens. I decided to ask Mrs. Johnson when we got back. I needed someone else's opinion too.
"Daddy isn't interested anymore, and Mom just seems to be fine with whatever I am doing. I'm not thinking of them, just me."
"THAT could be a problem," he stated. "Fags are supposed to think of their Man, not themselves. Wait until you find the right man."
"Danny? Are you there?" I called down the stairs. I had no idea what he might be doing and I wanted to make sure he knew I was coming downstairs. I started down the stairs. "Danny?'" I could here people talking. I think it was Bailey and him.
"Come in," Danny said and then burst into giggles with Bailey. "It isn't like there is a door. Everyone just strolls through my bedroom." That got them both laughing. I could see the humor sort of, but I didn't get them at all. I was never going to be like them. It just wasn't going to happen. "Oh, look Bailey. It's Timmy, come to join her sisters for a talk again."
"Stop it okay? I'm not a girl. I'm a guy."
"Okay, okay I'll try to remember that," Danny announced.
I looked at the two of them as I came around the corner from the stairs. Danny was in a slinky femme t-shirt top and was looking at himself in a mirror. He turned around as he saw me in the mirror and I saw his huge nipples protruding through the shirt. I wasn't sure I could ever have nipples like that. And I was pretty sure that wasn't what I wanted. Everyone could see those! What reaction would I get if mine looked like his?
"Wow," was what came out of my mouth. "Your nipples are huge. How did you get them that way? Can I see them?"
He looked at me funny. "Why? You saw them earlier. You want another free show?"
Good question I guess. I saw them earlier but I wasn't paying all that much attention to them after I saw his locked dick.
"Did you decide to come back and make use of us fags?" Danny asked me.
"No!" I said quickly. "I already told you I can't do that. IÉI need to see them because Ian says he wants my nipples bigger." I could feel myself blushing but I wanted to get this over with as soon as I could. "How do you get them bigger?"
Of course both of the fags laughed at me.
"You just got fucked again didn't you?" Danny asked. How could he tell? Did it show? What if EVERYONE knew? "Didn't you?"
"Yeah, he did," Bailey answered for me as I seemed stuck saying nothing. I just nodded my head.
"Damn it, everyone has a boyfriend except me," Danny whined. If he had stomped his foot and huffed it would not have been out of character.
Bailey ignored him and looked at me. "Don't pay any attention to her," he told me. "He gets plenty of action. So," he continued, "you like being Ian's boy? You're going to keep doing as he says?"
I sighed. I didn't know what I was doing. All I knew is Ian was a stud, and when I got to have sex with him, I lost all thinking ability. I just let him take over and tell me what to do. If every time I had his cock in my mouth or my ass I saw stars and had such intense orgasms, wasn't that a sign? Shouldn't I do what he wanted so I could continue to get the same feelings? Why wouldn't I want those same things again and again?
"It's so fucking intense," I admitted. "I never ever saw myself as being gay. I don't even think about being gay now, really. I barely look at guys, butÉ" I paused. "I haven't ever felt anything like the shit I feel when I am with Ian. It's like he pushes all of my buttons. He's this really popular guy on campus, and I just wanted to be around him, be his buddy, and hang out with him, and now, I've become his bitch this semester. And I like it, fuck me," I said aloud. "I really like how it feels when I suck his cock, or he fucks me now. I just had the most intense orgasm EVER, and all I really want right now is for it to continue, to do what he says and keep him coming back so I can feel that again. I don't know what that makes me, but I love it when he is with me and I love how it makes me feel."
There I said it, or at least as much as I had been able to think through at this point. I wanted to keep making him happy because it felt so fucking intense and good to me. Bailey was smiling at me but Danny just looked kinda empty. He just sat there with his mouth open and stared.
"Wake up Danny," Bailey said. "Show him what you did to get those big fat nipples."
Danny looked over at Bailey. "Right, okay." He got up and went over to a suitcase and started digging around and came back with a couple clear small tubes that had some twisty knowb on them. "You better be careful," he told me. "These work well and you don't want to use them too much to start. Go slowly at first."
He came over to where I was and asked me to take my shirt off. I peeled it off and he stepped closer. So hold this over your nipple," he said. I put the clear tube over my nipple and he twisted the knob on the end. It created suction and my nipple immediately filled up and pulled away from my chest.
"Wow, that is tight feeling. Kinda hurts a little," I said. "But look how far it sticks out!"
"Yeah, that's why you start slowly and build up the amount of time using this. It works obviously," Danny said. He lifted his shirt and proudly showed off his big nipples. They stuck out a long way from his chest.
"Are you sure you want to be altering your body for Ian?" Bailey asked.
"What do you mean? He said he wanted me to get them bigger," I told him.
"Sheesh. You're in love. You better make sure Ian is being good to you," Danny added.
"Is that why you are hairless?" Bailey asked. I blushed because it was true. "It is! You had the body hair taken off because he likes it, doesn't he?" I pulled off the nipple suction cups.
"Timmy, you're completely submitting to him. When you let him change your body like this, you are submitting more of yourself all the time. Look where that got me. I don't have the use of my dick anymore. You need to be ready to accept the results, even if you don't know what they might be," Danny said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, look what happened to my dick! You think this was an option for me?"
"But everything feels so amazing," I said quickly. "My heart gets to racing and my brain just sort of shuts down and and, the feeling is so intense. It has to be good right? I mean, he can just say a few words and I get to where I feel like I HAVE to do what he says. I want him to like me, I want to be with him all the time. It's this feeling inside. I need it."
"You know what it means?" Danny asked me. "You understand right? You are in love and you'll do anything."
"No, I don't know. I've never done this. I have no idea what any of it means. I just know when it started I wanted to spend time with Ian. Now I want to spend all my time with him, and I want to have sex with him. I've never wanted sex so much, and I sure as hell never wanted to take it up the ass before. But I have no fucking clue what any of it means," I told them. How the hell would I know what any of it means? I just felt a need to do what he said and to keep doing it.
"Look, I don't understand it. I thought maybe you'd help but I just get confused. I didn't even know my own body until Ian. I thought I was straight and I thought I had a decent sized cock. I fucked girls with it and no one complained," I added. "Now, I know how small my dick is. Hell, I don't even touch it and it explodes when Ian tells me to cum. When I do cum its like the most intense thing ever, EVER! If I do what he wants, then I keep him happy and maybe I get to feel those feelings more. If he wants my nipples big then ok, I can handle that because it means I get to feel the rush when I am with him."
"What does he do for you?" Bailey asked. "You're doing a lot for him, what's he giving you in return? I mean other than the obvious."
I didn't have anything to say. I just looked at him.
"Obviously you're getting great sex, because he's got you squirting loads on his orders, like you said. Plus, you are getting something out of doing what he tells you, or you wouldn't be doing it. You like the dominance he dishes out, so that gives you something," Bailey stated.
"Well, I guess," I started to say. "I mean, sometimes it's pretty embarrassing. He's made me do a few things for him that have really kinda humiliated me."
"Well, yeah, of course," Bailey said rolling his eyes. "Yet you did them, so it must not have been anything you didn't want to do, Timmy. No one can MAKE you do anything. You are the one doing it."
"Well one time," I started to say, but I stopped. I wasn't sure I wanted to share the Halloween story.
"Out with it," Danny said. "If you think we haven't done our share of embarrassing things, you're wrong."
So I told them about Halloween. "He tricked me. I didn't know I would be sucking off half the party! And I was dressed as a woman. All those guys thought a girl gave them head. I can't believe I gave blow jobs to all of those guys. Even my roommate! By the end of it, I was worn out, but I haven't ever complained about sucking cock since then." Danny and Bailey were laughing and saying how hot that was. "But, I really thought he would do something if I didn't do as he wanted, plus I was getting to be with him all night that way. I was, well, I was a little afraid of him. There was one time he gut-punched me when, well, I told him to fuck off."
"That makes sense," Danny interjected. "He doesn't like to be told stuff like that. "Plus he was establishing his dominance. You did what he said after that, didn't you?"
"Well, sorta. Mostly. He hasn't done anything since then that I haven't asked him to do, well, that I haven't begged him to do," I lowered my voice as I said it. I could feel my face turn down from their stares, and I knew I was blushing a little. "I begged him to let me suck him off when it all started, and this weekend I begged him to fuck me."
"Wow, that's fucking HOT," Danny exclaimed. "So really it is ALL because you wanted it. You can't tell yourself that he made you do it."
I shook my head, "No, I begged for it." I had started it all. If I had just shut up and not done that I wouldn't be here now. But then, I thought, I wouldn't have gotten to learn more about Ian or learn more about how much I didn't know about myself. "I begged him to start it all, he just took over after hearing me beg But it was like he made me beg, he set something off that truly made me want to beg for it." I admitted.
"You totally belong to him, Timmy. He knows it too. He will keep playing with you and changing you to amuse himself or please himself," Danny told me. "It's what a dominant guy does. He's going to make you do things like that party where you feel controlled and humiliated. I know."
"You'll never be his buddy or friend now," added Bailey.
"What do ya mean?" I asked. I know Ian had said the same thing but I didn't get that part. I didn't know what it meant.
"Timmy, you might have been a friend, but he is in charge. He's put you on your knees or on your back and he's used you for sex like he does with a woman. He might see you as his bitch or as a faggot, but he doesn't see you the same way he used to. His friends don't suck his dick. Who sucks his dick? Girls or you. Who does he fuck? Girls or you. You're in a different category of people, get it?"
I think it was Danny speaking and Bailey nodding, but it could have been Bailey talking and Danny nodding. I don't remember now. It hit me hard. I'd submitted to Ian and now he didn't think of me at all in the same way. I kinda had thought all his talk was about the cocksucking. I thought it made him hot or made me hot. I mean it did, I got really hot when he talked like that. I just hadn't really focused on it I guess the way I should have.
"So, he really doesn't see me as a guy anymore?"
Danny sighed, "no, of course he doesn't. It's like a ranking. It's a dude-centric world, and you aren't a dude anymore, you're a faggot," Danny confirmed harshly. "How do you see him?"
"What do you mean? He's Ian."
"Let me change it around," Bailey spoke up. "What do you call him when you speak to him?"
I blushed some, I could tell. "Uhm I call him Ian when we are with other people, butÉhe said to call him Sir when no one else is around."
Danny smiled. Bailey nodded. "And do you?"
"Yeah, I'm trying to remember to do that."
"Well, he's doing that to change how you see him. Doesn't that make you feel different, not calling him Ian?"
"Yeah. I thought he was doing it just for kicks in sex," but even I didn't believe as I said it. "It's weird. I haven't ever called anyone Sir, maybe my Dad. I forget a lot, but he reminds me." I thought about a couple times he had done more than just verbally remind me. "He's changing things so I see him differently, okay, I guess I get that."
"You really haven't thought about all of what's going on have you?" Bailey asked.
"No, not really," I admitted. "I just was going with it. I always have done stuff that certain other guys have told me to do. I just, I just always felt some guys were cool or popular or whatever, and I would find myself doing stuff they talked about or said to do. It just never went anywhere more than just kinda doing what someone said because I wanted them to like me, until Ian. He just pushed more I think and I keep giving in and doing stuff." It made more sense now, well at least it made sense in that he was figuring me out and using it to his advantage. "I don't talk about it with anyone, hardly even Ian. When I do, he just says stuff like he doesn't care what I think about something that I bring up or he says not to freak out that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, so why let it bug me. But it bugs me because I've never done any of this. I've never said stuff to anyone except you guys."
Danny laughed. "Not many people call me a guy these days, and he's right, he won't care what someone thinks. He's cocky enough that it won't effect his place in the world."
"So, did you LIKE blowing all those guys at the party? I mean, you did what Ian told you to do, did that give you satisfaction doing it because he said to do it?" Bailey asked me. I wasn't sure. I had tried not to think about it for awhile. I was honestly afraid someone would find out.
"I didn't really have time to think about it while it was happening," I answered. "After it was over I was really just kinda worried someone would figure out it was me." I also thought about how the next morning I had given a blow job to the first guy I had seen that day. Did I like it? It was okay, it wasn't Ian's cock. "I liked how everyone had a different cock, and they all tasted differently when they came in my mouth," I told them. "I, well I, I actually remember being sort of confused that a couple shot right down my throat and I didn't get to see what they tasted like." How embarrassing to say that or even to think it now.
"Oh my god, I hate that too," Danny squealed. "Why don't they let us taste it!"
"I was really scared of getting caught," I continued. "but I was also really turned on that all these guys started lining up. I mean, I must have been doing it well, right? I mean, if I wasn't any good at it, they would have gone and stood in line at the other guy who was there giving head. I, I kinda liked knowing I could get those guys off. I like knowing I'm good at something. Is that weird?"
"No," was the answer Bailey gave. He didn't say anything else.
"Keep doing what he says, Timmy. As long as you are doing what he says, he will keep giving you dick. Just don't be surprised what that ends up meaning for what you end up doing," Danny added. "The more you give, the more he will take."
"What do you mean?" I asked. I didn't imagine there was more he could take. He had already taken my body and used it, and I could admit that I liked it. Way more than I had even considered. What else would he be taking?
"Just be ready for things to change, Timmy," Bailey told me. "Your life has already changed. No matter what is going on today, things will change tomorrow. You've submitted to an alpha man and he understands that. You need to understand that too."
Danny had finished putting on clothes and had put away his nipple sucking devices. Bailey seemed to be waiting on him. They told me to enjoy everything Ian would be doing, then they headed off upstairs to do something. I still had lots of questions and I still didn't get everything, but I sure had a better idea about some stuff. I did want Ian to keep having sex with me. Like no other sex before he got he hot and I fucking had feelings and thoughts like no girl had ever given me.
Mom was in the kitchen by herself when I went in to grab a snack. All the fucking had me hungry again. She was busy working on something, probably for dinner.
"Hey Mom." I opened the fridge and grabbed a bowl of potato salad. I thought that sounded good. I grabbed a small bowl and heaped some into it before putting the bigger bowl back. "Where's Aunt Joan?"
"Oh she and the girls went over to another store. I wanted to get a head start on dinner."
"Cool. You need any help? I can find Danny or Timmy if you want." She looked over at me.
"You're so much like your father," she stated. I smiled. I was pretty sure she didn't miss my offer to find someone else to help her.
"I'm kidding, you know that. If you want help I can do that for you," She smiled.
"Yes, I know, and no, I don't need help right now." She paused a bit and I spooned another mouthful of salad in me. "Honey, you know that I love you and I don't care one way or the other, but well, is Timmy your boyfriend? I mean are you gay? Like Danny? I don't want to assume anything and well, I thought you were always not gay, well I mean, I thought you liked girls. Well, I mean you used to like them, but then there was the time in the kitchenÉ"
I swallowed what I had been chewing and took a breath. So she had figured things out. I wasn't surprised. Mom was dense but she usually figured things out. "Let's skip the kitchen incident," I told her. I didn't need to revisit that at the moment.
"I thought it was just a one-time thing," she started in again. "But now you bring Timmy home, don't get me wrong he seems like a very nice boy, but it dawned on me maybe you are gay too."
"Okay, okay. Let's not mix the two events, Mom. They are separate things. Danny is, well he's like a girl. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. I apologized to you and Danny. It's done and over and won't happen again," I told her. "I'm the man, I screwed up and took advantage of him."
"Well, it wasn't either of your faults, Ian. It just happened. I'm just trying to figure things out. I don't want to make assumptions."
"Well, I'm not gay, Mom. At least not in the sense you are thinking, like Danny. I'm just not feminine at all, as he is. It's not who I am. And no, I don't even think of myself as gay. I like girls just fine, so don't worry, I'm not becoming Danny."
"It's not a bad thing, Ian, it's just not what I imagined when you were growing up. Danny I sort of always knew was going to be gay, but I never thought you would be."
"I'm not gay, Mom. I'm just me."
"But, Timmy seems so, I don't know exactly how to say it, but he seems very fond of you and I can tell from the way he looks at you that he really likes you, that he hangs on every word you say. I wouldn't have thought he was gay but I am pretty sure he is. Do you know if he is?"
Boy, Mom could rattle on and go in several directions at once. I decided I would try to explain it to her as best as I could. I needed to make it clear to her I wasn't gay but that I wasn't against good sex either. I knew well that Timmy was good sex and I knew I wasn't gay. For all I knew Timmy probably wasn't gay either, but he was a good submissive boy. And fuck it, I loved the way he sat on every word I said and did just about everything I told him to do.
"Timmy is definitely gay, Mom." She had stopped doing whatever she was doing by now and was just watching and listening to me.
"I need to sit down, I think," she said and walked over to the kitchen table and took a seat. I joined her there.
"I am very aware that Timmy has this big crush on me. He's totally infatuated with me. I'm flattered actually. I kinda like the feeling of someone who is totally into me."
"Has he tried anything on you? I mean, if I had known I wouldn't have put you two in the same room. Your father, well you know how he feels about you boys having sex in the house."
Geez, she really could lose track. "Mom, that was years ago, when we were teenagers. I'm an adult now, Danny is an adult. Anyway,"
"You're right, you're right," she interjected. "I forget sometimes. But I'm sorry that I didn't put Timmy in another room."
"Mom, it's okay. We're fine where we're at."
"Well, I'm a little worried he may be leading you on. If you encourage this infatuation, he may try things with you." Geez, she didn't get this at all.
"Mom, I like that Timmy is infatuated. I enjoy the attention. It doesn't bother me."
"What are you saying? Are you guys boyfriends?"
"Mom, Timmy is gay. I'm not. Yes, we have had sex. No, I don't think of him as my boyfriend."
"I don't get it," she said. "I mean, if you are having sex then you are gay and you guys are boyfriends."
"Mom, you are just going to have to take me at my word for now," I said bluntly. "I really don't think of Timmy as a guy. I just think of him as a masculine girl. He totally is in to me. I know this. If it helps you then I guess you can think of me as bisexual, but I wouldn't call myself that. Right now, I am down with this, I'm enjoying the attention from him. I imagine he will get over me eventually. I'm just not ready to settle down yet or have any regular girlfriend," I paused, "or boyfriend if I wanted."
"Bisexual? You mean you like both ways?"
"I mean, I've come to the point where if someone wants to give me that level of attention, then why shouldn't I enjoy it?"
"Well, that's not very fair to him, though," she switched angles on me. Geez, women could argue in circles sometimes. "If you aren't serious, Ian."
"He's aware that I am not gay, Mom. I tell him that all the time. I'm pretty sure he knows I am going to still be out there looking for a girlfriend, I tell him I'm not changing just because he has a thing for me. But Mom, I have physical needs, and well, Timmy is there right now. Let's just leave it at that. It isn't all clear cut, black and white that you want it to be," I told her firmly. "He's an adult, I'm an adult and we are just having some fun right now. Don't get hung up on the terms, just try to understand that this is what I am doing right now."
"Things are so different than when I grew up, Ian. A man like you wouldn't have thought about letting a gay guy do stuff to him in those days. No one would have thought it was normal."
"What is normal, Mom? I'm just enjoying what is put there in front of me for now. I'm not thinking about settling down. I just want to finish school, get a job, and have some fun in the meantime. Timmy is fun right now.
"Really, Ian, you are so much like your Dad. He was the same way in college."
"And he did just fine, Mom. He ended up with you." She smiled. I gave her a hug and left her in the kitchen. I was glad it was out in the open, even if she didn't understand all of it. I wasn't going into details with my Mom for god's sake, but at least I figured she would skip any more interrogations at this point.
Before I knew it, the holiday was over. We were all set to head back to campus. Ian had agreed to take Bailey and Danny to wherever they stayed. His other family had already taken off. They were all doing hugs and stuff and I was sorta just standing there. Then Mrs. McNeil came over and gave me a big hug. She pulled me in tight and squeezed.
"It's been nice meeting you Timmy. You seem like such a good guy, I'm glad Ian has a friend like you around at school."
"Uh thanks Mrs. McNeil. Ian a great guy too," I told her. She kept holding on.
"You take care of yourself, Timmy. Always work hard at school. Don't give up and do what you need to do to get what you really want."
That was a weird thing to tell me. Not, study a lot or stay out of trouble. I wonder what she meant. Mr. McNeil just gave me a handshake. And a strong slap on the back.
"Nice meeting you Timmy. You keep your nose to the grindstone and do what you're told there at school. That's always what's best for you," he advised. His parents sure were nice folks. I was a little embarrassed thinking about everything that had gone on over the holiday. I wondered exactly what they knew and what they guessed at. Ian didn't ever talk about what they knew, but I know the way he had patted my ass or called me his boy must have made them think something. I just hoped that Ian's Grandpa hadn't said anything.