Date: Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:51:46 -0700
From: Patrick Marke <thechickensaysmoo@hotmail.com>
Subject: Tassels and Tears

DISCLAIMER-

This story is about consensual sex between two males of the same relation.
Otherwise known as incest. If this type of material offends you, PLEASE
LEAVE NOW!! Also, if this material is illegal where you reside, or you are
under age, please leave the site or delete this file from your device. Be
warned that this story does not go straight to the eroticism. Otherwise,
relax, and enjoy.

Author's Note-

Try to find the hidden message in the story. It's towards the end. Let me
know if you find it.

Will You Be My Friend?
Will you be my friend?
There are so many reasons why you never should-
I'm sometimes sullen,
Often shy.
Acutely sensitive.
My fear erupts as anger,
I find it hard to give.
I talk about myself when I'm afraid,
And often spend a day without anything to say.
But I will make you laugh.
And love you quite a bit.
And hold you when you're sad.
I cry a little almost every day.
Because I'm more caring than the strangers ever know.
And if at times I show my tender side, (The soft and warmer side I hide),
I wonder, will you be my friend.
A friend, who far beyond the feebleness of any vow or tie
Will touch the secret place where I, am really I.
To know the pain of lips that plead and eyes that weep,
Who will not run away when you find me in the street
Alone and lying mangled by my quota of defeats
But will stop and stay, to tell me of another day,
When I was beautiful.
Will you be my friend?
There are so many reasons why you never should-
Often I'm too serious,
Seldom predictably the same,
Sometimes cold and distant,
Probably I'll always change.
I bluster and brag,
See attention like a child,
I brood and pout,
My anger can be wild.
But I will make you laugh,
And love you quite a bit.
And be near when you're afraid.
I shake a little almost every day,
Because I'm more frightened than the strangers ever know.
And if at times I show my trembling side, (the anxious fearful part I hide),
I wonder, will you be my friend?
A friend, who, when I fear your closeness, feels me push away.
And stubbornly will stay to share what's left on such a day.
Who, when no one knows my name,
Or calls me on the phone,
When there's no concern for me,
What I have and haven't done,
And those I've helped and counted on, Have oh so deftly run.
Who when there's nothing left of me,
Stripped of charm and subtlety,
Will nonetheless remain.
Will you be my friend?
For no reason that I know,
Except I want you so.

from
Will You Be My Friend?
by James Kavanaugh
Copyright 1971

			     Tassels and Tears

My legs had turned to jell-o as I lay there in my brother's arms. He was
smiling, and his perfect features were lit up as he sat staring out the
window. I had to say, my life was pretty good. Of course, what's too good
usually is, and I should've known that my joy wouldn't last. My aunt Linda
had moved in, and she was living with us now for a year. My dad had finally
settled his divorce with my mom. Everything was still going smoothly. I was
about to graduate. There were two months left. I couldn't believe I was
about to graduate, with the class of ninety-eight. Everything was great for
me, right?

"Blade, your brother's going to miss his bus." my aunt Linda said coming
into the room.

"Go away." Blade said wrapping his arms tighter around me. "Jason, I love
you." he breathed into my ear. "You're so beautiful."

"You're going to be Late, Jason." she said coming over to us and gently
flicking a lock of my hair.

"I'll give him a ride." mumbled Blade stroking my face with his gentle
hand.

"Come on, you two." my mom said smiling brightly. "Blade, give your brother
a ride, and take him a little earlier. If we're car pooling, Linda, we
better go, too."

Blade and I pulled away from each other. I stood up and grabbed my bag. We
followed the two women out the door. I got into the passenger seat, and he
got into the driver seat. We drove off. The school was about a forty minute
ride. Blade managed to make it a fifteen minute ride every time, without
speeding either. It always amazed me. He found a parking spot in the very
back of the parking lot. We both got out and hopped in the back.

"Two months, Jason." he said as we slammed both doors shut. "You ready for
the big day?" he asked.

"Not really. I hate gettin' all dressed up for nothing." I said as he
pulled me roughly back into his arms. "I hate it! It's a waste of time. Who
cares who graduates when?" I asked as he began to stroke my face. He ran
one of his hands through my hair. "I mean, if they had a big party for when
you get out of Kindergarten, Fifth, Eighth, and twelfth grade, why don't
they have a party for all the other grades? Because it's a waste of time!
It's just--"

He began to kiss me. I didn't fight back, or try to resist. I just melted
into his kiss. My breathing stopped, and my heart skipped a couple hundred
beats. He gave me a low laugh as he pulled away.

"It's just what? What were you saying?" he asked.

"I don't remember." I gasped catching my breath. "Who cares."

"You can go on and on about things when you hate them." he said
smiling. "The only way to get you to shut your mouth is to kiss you."

"Not even!" I yelled as I felt my face burn. "All you have to do is ask! I
mean, it's not that hard to ask! If you don't want me to ramble on, you
just have to ask! I'll be glad to stop! Man, you don't have to--"

He was kissing me again. I flung my arms around his waist and just got lost
in his perfect blue eyes. He pulled away slowly.

"Told yuh." he said quietly. "Only way to keep you quiet is to kiss you."

"Blade, you'll go to my graduation. Right?" I asked as I lay against him.

"I promise. I wouldn't miss it for the world." he said running a finger
across my cheek bone. "You're so white, Jason." he said smiling at
me. "Just like a marble sculpture. Just like porcelain. You're so white."
he said kissing me again. "Mmmmmm. I love you."

"That's why we're here." I whispered as he traced lines across my face.

"You better go, love." he said softly. "You'll be late."

"Just one more kiss." I begged. "Please, Blade."

"Oh baby whatever you want." He leaned down and kissed me. I didn't want to
leave. I found myself kissing him passionately back. We both hugged each
other and smiled.

"See you when you get out." he said brushing my hair back from my
face. "I'll pick you up at our usual spot, kay?" he said as I got out and
grabbed my bag from the trunk.

"Right." I said slinging it over my shoulder. "See you soon."

"Text me." he said as I walked off.

Days like this seemed to be so long. It was a Monday. I hated
Mondays. First of all, it was the first day of the week that people had to
go to work, and school. Second of all, there were five days of hell to look
forward to, and third, I just plain hate Mondays. My brother was
right. Even in my story telling, I talked too much.

Everywhere you went today, there was talk about the graduating class. There
were tables set up at lunch selling senior key chains, and handing out
forms for caps and gowns. There were counselors roaming the halls
congratulating the people they favored. For once, I was left alone. Except
was one teacher. It was Miss Mac. For some reason, she was so proud of
me. She loved my stellar 4.0 grade point average, and she doted on me every
chance she got.

"Jason!" she said running over to me in her heels. "You look fabulous,
darling." she said in her thin childish girly voice. "How you feelin'?" she
asked wrapping her arms around my waist. She was up to my shoulder.

"Not caring." I said hugging her back.

"But you're two months away from the big day, sweetheart." she said
smiling. "You'll do great! You know, you'll do great things, my boy. Very
great things."

"Aw, come on, Miss Mac. Go pick on someone your own size." I said blushing.

"Oh, honey! It's just, I'm so proud of you, sweetheart. You'll look so
handsome in your cap and gown. I remember when your brother walked across
that stage."

"You were here for that?" I asked amused. "You look so young."

"Oh, you!" she said laughing a little chirpy laugh. "Anyway, I'll see you
later, okay? You keep' about what you're wearing to the rehearsal."

That lady needed a life. I mean, who dotes on you that much? Truthfully,
though, she didn't look old. She was very petite, and only five one, but
she was thin, and rosy faced. She had really nice red hair. Just like mine
and Blades, only braided in a long plait at her back. The rest of the day
dragged by slowly. Not fast enough. It all went by in a haze. But soon,
before I knew it, I was standing at Blade's car without any recollection of
actually walking there. He popped open the trunk, and I threw my bag
inside. I slammed the lid shut, and walked to the passenger side. He had
already reached over and pushed it open for me.

"Hey. How's things?" he said as I got in.

"Fine." I said.

There was a sharp rap on the driver's door, and Blade turned to see who it
was. He let out a big ha.

"Miss Mac!" he yelled opening the door. "Good to see yuh, you old lady!" he
shouted hopping out of the car and scooping her up. "I know it's not
professional, but how else am I gonna see your face?" he asked laughing.

"You need to shrink down to my size." she said with a grin. "Did you get
even bigger?"

"I think you got smaller." he said laughing. "How's things?"

"Oh! I was just telling your brother here, that I'm going to be so proud
when he walks across that stage this June. I can't wait! I still have
pictures of you and your class! Now, I can add him to my set!"

"You excited,?" he asked looking back at me.

"No. Couldn't care less." I said truthfully. "I'm just going through the
motions."

"Oh, he's gon' look so precious in his cap and gown! Just like you did when
you marched across that stage! Of course, he'll be nicer about it."

"Aw, come on, Miss Mac. We swore we'd forget about this." Blade said going
scarlet.

"Tell me!" I said sitting up straight and turning in my seat to face
them. "What happened?"

"Well, Blade sat in the third row from the front. Of course, no one thought
that there'd be a fiasco of any kind. Of course, not from Blade. He was
just like you. Model students and all. Anyway, it all started with
rehearsal. He had this beach ball he wanted all his friends to sign. It
turned into a full scale beach ball game right in front of the
principal. That's why Mr. Franklin's always keepin' an eye on you, Jason."
she said giving me a wink. "Anyway, they calmed the boys down, and made it
through rehearsal. When it came time for the actual graduation, Blade, who
was the least expected, took his turn walking across the stage. He looked
pretty good. Until he totally sprayed the principal, and vice principal
with silly string. Now, that, was what I called a graduation to
remember. He's the reason why you're searched every year for rehearsal, and
for the actual thing. The boy still had the nerve to turn to the audience
and yell, "Suckers!" Can you believe him?"

"Yes, yes. Those were my younger days." muttered Blade still scarlet in the
face. "Do as I say, Jason. Not as I do." he said smiling.

"Well, I better go." she said smiling. "You two have yourselves a good day,
now."

"You too." we both said at once. "Go on, get out o' here you crazy lady."
said Blade putting her down.

"See you tomorrow, Jason. Be good, Blade." she said as she walked off to
her own car.

"Well then. That was nice." said Blade climbing back into the car. "She's a
bright little ball of sunshine."

"Blade, drive slow." I said as he turned on the engine.

"Long way home?" he asked squeezing my shoulder.

"Long way home." I said as I settled back into the seat.

He turned back to look out the windshield, and started to drive away. The
motor sounded soothing, and the movement of the car was making me feel
peaceful and sleepy. Halfway to our house, he pulled over and parked us
between two low hanging shrubs. He turned off the engine, and reached over
to me.

"You awake, kid?" he asked.

"Yep." I said smiling. "Why?"

"Oh...I don't know." he said giving me a crooked smile.

Careful not to hit the shrub, I opened my door. Blade did the same thing on
the other side. I slammed it shut, and opened the back door. I threw myself
in, and brought the door slamming shut with me. Blade was already sitting
in the seat with his arms stretched out to me. I looked straight into his
face.

"Ugh! Don't keep me waiting, Jason." he breathed. "I ain't made to be kept
waiting, Jason."

I lunged towards him, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He let out a
soft sigh, and kissed me.

"I missed you, Blade." I said smiling at him.

"Me, too. I missed your perfect snow man face." he said smiling. "You know
what I missed the most?" he asked.

"Hmmmmm?"

"Those beautiful red lips of yours." he said smiling.

"Show me how much you missed me." I begged.

I'm not sure how long we were hidden in those shrubs. Blade just held
me. He kissed me taking my breath away every time he did. We both just half
sat, half lay in the back seat. I loved staring into his deep clear blue
eyes. He was my brother. I loved him with all my heart.

"You're like a little four year old, Jason." he said as he stroked my
face. "You cling to people. If it's not me, it's mom, or aunt Linda. Not so
much aunt Linda though." he said smiling. "It's mostly me and mom. You just
cling. I don't mean that in a co-dependent way either. You're a very strong
man."

"Well. That puts my whole world in prospective." I said grimacing.

"Why do you think I love you?" he asked still holding tight to me. "Because
you're always so close. Your so, beautifully white. Oh Jason, that
hypnotizes me. Let's get the hell out of here." he said still holding on to
me.

"Yeah. Mom and aunt Linda will be worried."

"Are you kidding? I don't give a damn about them. I want _you!" he said
kissing me deeply. "I want you, Jason. You look so hot! I just wanna show
you how much I love you!" he moaned as he kissed me again.

Blade could turn my whole day around if I was in deep shit. He could
lighten up a room just by walking in. As we sat there, I found myself
unable to resist, and found myself kissing him back again. We just lay
there for a long time. Our lips seemed to be glued and our tongues seemed
to have taken on a life of their own. Blade let out a low moan.

"We've gotta go. You keeping me waiting is not helping matters." he said
still kissing me. "I want you."

So, we both got back into our seats. He turned on the engine, and carefully
back out of our hiding spot. It took us only about ten minutes to get
home. When we got home, there were police cars everywhere you turned.

"What the fuck?" he gasped. "What's going on?"

According to the clock on the little radio, it was almost three. Mom and
Aunt Linda weren't home. So, why were there all these people all around?
Blade and I both got out of the car. I took his keys out of the ignition as
he left, forgetting them. I slipped them into my pocket, and heard a huge
shuffle, as a number of pairs of feet started running. I threw myself out
the door, slammed it shut, and walked up our drive.

"Blade Jameson?" asked one of the men.

"Who wants to know?" I asked before Blade could speak.

"We've got a warrant for his arrest." the second man said.

"On what grounds, sirs?" I asked cautiously.

"There's been charges. Apparently, he failed to pay a fine at the
gym. Something about vandalism at their site last summer."

"Oh, fuck Brandon Smith." Blade muttered under his breath. "How long is my
arrest, then?" he asked. "And can I post bail?"

"We were paid good money, and told to do this right. So, two million
dollars bail, cash only. You're sentenced to Six months, or until trial."

Before anyone could say a word, four men were tackling him, and trying to
put him in handcuffs. It was unbelievable how fast they were. It was four
against one. Without realizing it, I was yelling at the top of my lungs,
trying to get through to Blade.

"Not in front of my brother!" he yelled trying to get away. "You can lead
me off without cuffs. I won't run! Just not in front of my brother!" he
shouted. With one movement, that none of us saw, Blade snapped the pair of
cuffs clean off. He came over to me and laid a calm hand on my
shoulder. "Listen, I'll go. Just don't cuff me. Okay? Jason, tell mom. Get
me a good lawyer." he said softly into my ear.

"You just can't march in here and take people under arrest for stupid
reasons! First of all, that was not vandalism!" shouted Blade. "One of the
boys threw the ball, and it sailed over my head, and hit the window. That
was ages ago! Why is it taking you this long to sue me, and get all of this
shit together? Did the Smiths have to put up their house for a second
mortgage to pay for it all?"

"Hey! That's a nice idea. Instead of paying the two million for bail, your
mom can put her house up for collateral. In case you skip town. Lance, do
you have another pair of cuffs?"

For fifteen minutes, there was yelling and screaming, and Blade pinned all
of them down and broke every pair of cuffs that they cuffed him with. I
really thought he would make it. Of course, why in the hell would it ever
turn out that way? All good things have to come to an end eventually. So,
as my brother pleading and screamed for them not to cuff him in front of
me, or miss treat him, I had no clue what to do.

"Blade." I gasped. "You promised."

"I'll be out by that time, Jason! I _promise. Whatever I need to do, I'll
do it! I promise!" he yelled. "I'll be there! I swear it!"

I watched as they shoved him into the back of a police car, and pinned him
down. It took five cops to pin him down and have him secured. I could hear
him yelling all the way over where I stood.

"I've been working for you bastards for six months! How are you gonna treat
people like that? I'm a fucking fire fighter! Let go of me!"

"We can add more time for resisting arrest. You know, it's already six
months to a year." said the cop who seemed to be the leader. "Come on,
boys. Shut the doors."

The pain that I thought I'd left behind came back to me again. There I
stood in front of our house, as the cops took my brother away. There I
stood, feeling that familiar sensation in my chest. Like a hole had just
been freshly ripped through me. I almost fell right on the ground, but I
steadied myself, turned and walked up to the front door. He had
promised. He had promised that he'd be there for me. If my father couldn't
be there for me, at least Blade would fill that spot. But now? Now he was
gone. Gone for my graduation. I couldn't believe him. He had promised. He
had told me that he'd be there for me whatever happened. Now look where he
was. My cell phone vibrated. I took it out of my pocket, and turned it on.

"Jason." I said trying not to let my emotions show in my voice.

"Honey, it's mom. I'm coming home. I tried to call Blade and he wouldn't
answer his phone. I just saw him in the back of a cop car. But it's not
true, right, he's beside you?"

"No, mom. He's not." I said softly.

"Oh my God! What happened? Jason, honey, I'm on my way! Okay? Be calm." she
said before hanging up.

I went straight up to my room. I couldn't stay in there. I headed back to
the living room and laid down on the rug in front of our fire place. So
many times when my mom and aunt Linda were gone, Blade and I had been here,
lying together. So many times when my mom and dad had gone wherever the
hell grownups go, Blade and I had been here together, just enjoying each
other's company. Now, he was where? I was supposed to trust in the system?
Excuse me? It took ten minutes after my mom called, for her to come
home. She came walking into the house, and spotted me. She walked into the
dining room, put her purse and lunch box down, and came back to me. I
didn't move as she came over to where I lay.

"Oh, my poor baby! Oh, Jay! Are you all right, honey, you look terrible!"
she said kneeling down and cradling my head in her lap. "Jay? Honey, can
you hear me?"

Back when Blade had gone to college, there'd be times when I'd sink into
these episodes, and the pain would be too much for me to be able to say
anything. She knew, I guess from being a mother, what this meant, because
she would leave me alone when needed, or come and comfort me when she knew
she should. She never asked about my strange behavior. Like the habit of me
wrapping my left arm around myself to hold myself in place. Or like the
habit of curling up into a tight ball to try and keep myself together. Or
like those violent convulsive-like phases that I'd go through, or so she
said, and not remember a single thing. But now, she held me.

"Jay? Honey, we'll get him back. He's not gone forever."

"Six months, mom!" I yelled jumping up and making her jump. "Six fucking
months! He promised! He'd be there for my graduation, he said. He promised!
Look where he is now!" I yelled.

"Jason! Language, baby!" she gasped.

Before I could really get control of myself, I began to throw every bit of
furniture that I could find. I didn't care what the hell my hands came in
contact with. I threw it. My mom didn't even bother to come and stop
me. I'm not sure how the hell she put up with me. When I tired myself out,
I ran to the couch, and collapsed on to it sobbing uncontrollably.

I don't remember what the hell happened for the next month and a half. I
just remember that I had to numb the pain somehow. I did that by throwing
myself into my work. I would study when I came home, I'd do whatever I
could to keep myself busy. But I'd never think about him. In fact, I'd
never say his name. I kept to myself, and I withdrew from all of my
friends, and my mom and aunt Linda. It was about a month later that I
started to focus on what was going on around me.

"Jason, I've been talking with your aunt. Would you like to go live with
your father for a while?" mom asked as I lay on the couch.

"Why, mom?!" I asked you my eyes filled with tears. It seemed to me that
I'd been doing a lot of crying lately.

"Jason, you're not yourself anymore." she said sighing. "You don't do
anything! You just sit around and do homework, and sleep! Honey, there's a
month left until your graduation. Honey, you've got to do something!" she
said firmly. "I'm calling your father again."

"Mom, I'm a good kid! I'm fuckin' eighteen years old, I don't do drugs, I'm
never in trouble! It's not a crime to be gay! So what the hell are you all
over me for? First you're all worried because I go out with Blade too much,
now you want me to go out?"

"Jason, honey, people are calling you to invite you places and you don't
even go with them! Honey, you can't sit here and mope for all your life
until he gets back!" she said sighing. "Jason, people have _stopped
_talking to you! You're a fucking loner now, Jay. People have stopped
trying to console you, and be with you. Hell, your aunt won't even come
near you anymore."

"What did I do?" I asked.

"That's just it, Jay! You don't! You don't do anything! You sit there like
a zombie, and just stare off into space! Listen, Lex is working on it!" she
said softly. "He's a very good man, he'll do whatever he can."

"Who?" I asked focusing on my mom for the very first time in ages.

"Lex. Millie's brother."

"Whose Millie?" I asked confused.

"Oh, that's right. Miss Mac, to you. She has a brother who is a
lawyer. He's working on it." she said sighing. "Jason, you better get it
together, honey. The Senior Banquet is tomorrow."

"Mom, what do you want me to do?" I asked sadly.

"Something. Call up one of your little friends, and go out somewhere. Go to
the Senior banquet with someone."

"Fine. Fine. I'll go to the stupid, worthless, Senior banquet. I won't like
it." I said bitterly.

"Where are you going, Jay?" my mom asked as I stood up.

"To play video games." I said smiling.

"Can I play?" she asked softly. "Like we used to, when you were little?"
she asked softly.

Tears came to my eyes, and I wrapped my arms around my mom. "Yeah,
mom. Like when I was little." I said softly.

"Be aware that you broke your game boy." she said softly.

"What?" I gasped.

"You totally dismantled your game boy. You pretty much did a hurricane out
of your room." she said as I bolted up to my room.

My room was unrecognizable. Instead of the pretty red curtains that hung
across the window, there was a black sheet draped across the whole
window. Instead of the set of lovely red blankets on the twin beds, there
was a set of black covering my bed. And the second bed was missing! My bed
was small and only fit to hold one person. It wasn't the two twin beds that
had been put together for the space of it. It was just my bed. There was no
vase of six red roses and six white roses that according to a certain
someone, kept the room in great energy fields. The vase was gone. One side
of the room was totally bear, and the other side was fine. Just like my
side of the room had always been. Holy shit, I tore apart my room!

"You okay, Jay?" asked my mom.

"Where have I been for all this time?" I asked sitting down on my bed.

"You've been lost, Jason." she said softly. "I'm right beside you, though."

"Mom, how long has it been?" I asked softly.

"It was a month yesterday, son." she said softly.

"Where's aunt Linda?" I asked astounded.

"She's over in the office. She doesn't come until very late now."

"How come you're still here?" I asked confused.

"Because I was just as hurt when your father left. Because you and the rest
of the family, were here with me." she said softly. "You are so strong,
Jay. I know you are. If you have someone to lean on." she said softly.

"What have I been doing all this time, beside destroying my room?" I asked
sadly.

"Well, your dad came to pick you up a week after it happened. I had already
packed for you, and you came home, and I told you what was happening. You
ripped up your suitcases and threw your close everywhere yelling that you
wouldn't go." she said sadly. "I guess you just needed the familiarity."
she said sadly.

"Where did I put the keys to the bug?" I asked trying to avoid his name.

"You tossed them into the trash can. Jason, you tried to run the bug into
the side of the garage."

"Where is it now?" I gasped.

We both got up. I followed my mom into the kitchen, and into the
garage. She turned on a light, and I saw a ghostly white figure at the
other side. I realized it was the car, covered by a tarp. "Where are the
keys?" I gasped.

"On the passenger's seat. The doors are all unlocked."

The numbness was starting to wear off. The pain was threatening to come
back to me again. I turned and left the room, my mom hot on my trail.

I was awake by five the next morning. That was when I discovered a book
lying on the floor under my bed. It was a bible. The bible that I'd gotten
for Christmas last year from my--well I got it for Christmas. It was
wrapped up in plastic see through wrapping paper. Across the top, written
in big letters in sharpie, were the words-

It'll be as if you never existed.

And it sort of was. My room bore no evidence that I'd ever shared it with
anyone. It looked more like I was mourning, then anything else. I got
dressed, and went down stairs. Today would be a day full of shocking
surprises, and evidence of the damage that I'd caused in my zombie
stages. The first surprise came to me in the form of my aunt Linda.

I made my way down to the kitchen. The lights were really bright here, and
my aunt was cooking breakfast. She spotted me in the mirror and froze. I
watched as her face went white. She took a plate off the counter top, and
came over to me. The plate was piled high with food. There were at least
four eggs, eight sausages, eight strips of bacon, and about four biscuits.

"Thank you, aunt Linda." I said hesitantly.

"Your welcome." she said bitterly. "Don't worry. I'll carry your juice for
you."

"What kind of juice--"

"What kind do you want?" she asked biting her lip.

"I don't care." I said truthfully. "Just want fruit punch--"

"Coming right up!" she said a little too loudly.

"How come you gave me all this?" I asked curiously.

"You want more?" she asked sounding close to tears. "I can make you more!
Are the eggs wrong? You need more bacon? Did you want fries?"

"Aunt Linda, chill!" I said smiling. "This is fine! I just don't usually
eat this much." I said softly.

"You've been a garbage disposal lately." said my mom coming into the
room. "Linda, dear, it's fine. He's fine." she said softly. "Calm down."

"What the hell have I done?" I asked confused.

"It's hard to be alone in a room with you, Jay." my mom said smiling.

The next surprise came in the form of Miss Mac. I'd been planning to take
the bus, when at six forty-five, the door bell rang. I walked over to open
the door.

"Toya, I'm taking your boy!" shouted Miss Mac in her too loud too tiny
voice.

"See you guys after school." said my mom from the kitchen where she was
washing dishes.

"Thank you."

Miss Mac picked up my bag, and came over to me. She gently steered me
through the door, and closed it behind her. For such a little woman, she
was strong. She opened the passenger seat door for me, and I climbed into
her truck. She tossed my bag into the back seat.

"Great. The boy can put the belt on again." she said more to herself than
to me as I put my seatbelt on. How the hell had I acted to all these
people?

She came around to the driver's side and climbed in. We both closed the
doors, and she started the car. She looked both ways before she backed out
of the drive. As we drove off, I saw a boy pull up in front of her.

"Son of a bitch." she said bitterly.

"Whoa." I said before I could stop myself.

"Ooo. The boy's listening now." she said with a smile. "How long's it been,
decades?"

She pulled down her window, and looked out. I saw a very familiar face
staring at me. My heart began to beat really fast. I felt nauseous.

"May I have a ride?" asked the boy. "I'll be late if I don't get to school
this time, Miss Mac."

"Get in the back." she grumbled.

It was tough riding in the truck with Brandon Smith in the back. Part of me
really didn't know how to handle it.

"Let's listen to some tunes. Turn up the radio, Michael Jackson." he said
from the back.

"Jason doesn't like music." said Miss Mac bitterly.

How did she know this? How did she know that I didn't like music? Hell, it
was like discovering a new me! I was learning more about myself than I
knew. I guess a new me took over for the last month.

When we got to the school, Miss Mac forcefully took my left arm, and led me
to my first class. She put me at the last available seat in the back of the
class. The teacher didn't even look up to see me come in. "Hey,
Millie. Make sure he's settled in."

"Miss Mac--" I started.

"Yes, yes. I really have to go. We go through this every day. Now, I'll be
here to meet you when the bell rings. Don't go anywhere." she said pulling
my chair out. "See you later."

When the teacher took role, he skipped over my name completely. It was
strange how different things were. I saw miss Mac wave at my friend Avery,
who came to sit beside me unwillingly. I found it easy to pay attention in
class. Somehow, I understood the whole thing, even though it was as if I'd
only just heard the math teacher's voice. He gave us five minutes while he
went to take a phone call. I didn't know if I should ask Avery if he wanted
to go with me to the movies, or to play basketball, or something. I
wondered if he was even talking to me. It was either that, or be sent to my
dad's. Heaven forbid I spend a day at my dear old man's house. If it was up
to me, I'd rather be alone, and okay. I finally made up my mind to ask him.

"Ave?" I asked hesitantly.

"You need lead?" he asked without turning to look at me. "Paper, to barrow
my calculator, what is it?" he asked sounding as if he'd rather not speak
to me at all.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go with me to a movie, or to play
pool somewhere." I said looking down.

"Why are you asking me?" he asked this time spinning around to look at me.

"Because you're the first person I think of when I need a good time." I
said trying to smile. I forgot what it felt like, and wondered if I was
doing it right.

"Why the hell not." he said after heaving a big sigh. "I'll meet you at
your place after school tomorrow." he said turning away.

"Thanks, Avery." I said as I hid my face behind a book.

"Whatever." he said wincing.

I felt strange trying to reach out to my friends. It felt like none of them
even tried to talk to me anymore. I saw all the posters for the senior
banquet on the walls, and I still hadn't asked anyone to go with me. I was
screwed. Unless I could ask someone. But who was I going to ask?

It was miss Mac that escorted me to all my classes in the morning. It was
Avery who sat with me at the Back of every cLass. I noticed that people
were AvoiDing Avery as much as they were avoiding mE. I think it's Because
he stuck with me too much. I really wanted to ask them what the helL had
hAppeneD last month. At the samE time, I didn't want to seem like an
unfeeling jerk. It was Miss Mac who ate lunch with me in her classroom. It
was just her, Avery and I. It was those two miserable souls that stuck with
me in the afternoon as well for the remainder of the two classes. It was
Miss Mac that gave me a ride back home.

"Miss Mac!" I gasped as we were half way home. "Will you go to the banquet
with me?"

"Why?" she asked a little suspicious.

"I have no one to go with." I said softly. "Avery's already taking his
girl." I added as I saw her mouth open.

"Why do you really wanna go?" she asked Bitterly. "It's not because you
have no one to go with. What's the reaL reAson you want me to go with you?"

"Why shoulD there have to bE any other reason?" I asked a little hurt.

"Jason, you have no clue what you've been doing all this time, do you?" she
asked confused.

"Not really...no." I said stupidly.

"You've Been a _zombie. You've been compLetely oblivious to people Around
you. I've been over to your place Dozens of timEs since the accident. Your
friends tried to call, and help as soon as they heard, and you ignored
every single one of them. Even Avery, whose been with you even after all
that. So, people just stopped trying, Jason. Everyone just leaves you be
now. We figure you'll come around sooner or later. You're the smartest boy
in the class. You usually volunteer answers. You haven't in a long
time. So, it's kind of weird that you're asking me to the banquet. That,
and I'm a teacher."

"Mom said, that she'd send me to Terry's if I didn't get my act together."
I said softly. "Feels like waking up from a long sleep."

"Fine. I'll go with you. What time is it at? Six thirty? Give me a chance
to go home, and change into something better than this." she said
sighing. "Fine."

She steered me into the house, and she took my bag and slid it under the
coffee table. She walked into the kitchen, and talked with my mom. What?
Did my mom quit working?

The senior banquet was really dull. They showed a slide show with pictures
of the class. Miss Mac and I had already eaten, so we were in the very back
of the room, making fun of the people we thought were ugly or the picture
didn't come out good. We actually had a pretty good time. We both left the
banquet hall laughing and joking around. It was almost like she was my
personal sun. She held tight to my arm leading me through the crowd as we
left. We both climbed into her car, and she started it and drove off.

"Thank you for coming with me, Miss Mac." I said sighing. "Speaking of
going places with people, I still don't have a walking partner for the
ceremony."

"Yeah. You do." she said as her mood returned back to the bitter "I'm ready
for just about anything to happen" type. "Avery is your walking partner."

"What about his girlfriend?" I gasped.

"She was willing to make that choice. I'd really try to talk with Avery if
I were you. And Tasha. Heaven forbid such a nice couple break up."

My shield was Breaking. The numbness that I'd kept for this Long stArted to
crumble. My pain was huge now. It was like being in a warm spot for so
long, then coming out into the colD. It stung. I wrapped an arm around my
waist, and tried to kEep it together. That wasn't the only couple that had
broken.

"Jason! I'm talking to you!" she yelled frustrated.

"What?!" I asked trying to keep myself together.

"I asked you if you already got your package!" she said with anger in her
voice.

"Yeah. My mom hung it up on the hook in the closet." I said trying to catch
my breath.

I had tried. I tried to keep the pain at bay. I tried to numb myself and
feel only what needed to be felt. Now, for some reason, I was
sinking. Sinking back into the pain of the loss of my brother. "It'll be as
if you never exist." Yet, everyone knew of his arrest, and everyone knew
how closely we were tied together. True, only a very few people knew where
our relationship was, but the rest of the world, they knew that we were
close. I guess, Miss Mac saw that she'd said the wrong thing, and she
apologized. She hated that I felt this way, but she did understand.

"Jason, believe me. You'll get through this." she said as we stood outside
my house. "I'd hold you, but you're a giant." she said wrapping her arms
around my waist.

"Thank you, Miss Mac." I said smiling. I couldn't help it. When she smiled,
I wanted to smile, too. There was something little girlish about her
face. And her voice for that matter.

She led me into the house, and stepped into the kitchen to talk with my
mom. Apparently, my aunt Linda was home. She came walking in, and I looked
at her for some sort of clue as to what was going on.

"Hey, guy." she said sounding a little happier. "I ironed your suit. Are
you ready--" she stopped. Her eyes found mine, and she backed away
slowly. "Never mind." she said, and bolted to the kitchen.

I sat down on the couch, and waited for Miss Mac to finished up with my mom
and my aunt. She came walking into the room. The numbness was wearing
off. What the hell was I going to do?

"I'm leaving, Jason." she said coming over and sitting beside me. "I'll see
you in school tomorrow. On second thought, I'll come by before
school. Okay?" she said as her arms trapped my midsection. She held tight
to me, and I felt the numbness return. I wished she wouldn't leave. She was
smiling, and I found myself smiling with her. Smiling through my pain.

"Thank you for a great time, Miss Mac." I said smiling brightly at her. "I
really _liked it."

"Diddo. I haven't been to one of those in two or three years. They're fun
when you've got someone to make fun of people with."

"Is that all you guys did?" my mom asked as she came into the room.

"Pretty much." we both said chortling. "A lot of those people were lame."
she said smiling at me. "Nowhere near as cool as our Jason." she said
smiling. "I'll come back tomorrow, okay, ma'boy?" she asked as she let go
of me.

When she was gone, I got up and walked unsteadily upstairs to my room. It
was about nine thirty. I didn't even bother to get undressed, or do any of
that sort of junk. I just collapsed on to my bed, kicked my shoes off, and
curled up into a ball. I waited, and sure enough, the pain hit fully as I
lay in my little sphere. I felt like letting out a yell, or a scream. I had
to give myself credit. So far, I hadn't said his name. I let myself drift
off, and soon, sleep took over.

I was running. Running through a wood. The woods were full of trees, and
strange plants. I heard footsteps in front, and a red light was shining
bright somewhere up ahead. I ran as fast as I could, trying not to trip
over the roots of trees, and fallen logs on the forest floor. Suddenly, the
clearing loomed up ahead. I ran as though my life depended on it, and I
burst through. It was a fire! A fire was lit, and burned bright, with
flames that jumped up to thirty feet high! I stared into it, and saw the
shapes that it made. Suddenly, I felt a warm something touch my face. I
turned to see my brother standing beside me. He was smiling brightly at me,
his red hair plastered to his forehead as if he'd just gotten wet.

"You came." he said before wrapping me up in a tight bear hug. "I love you
so much, baby."

"What's happening?" I asked. "How is this happening?"

"Don't ask questions, Jason. Just let it be." he said as he held me.

Before I could say a word, or even feel him, he was gone. I screamed as the
flames that burned bright consumed him in a flash. He was vanishing. He was
burning! My brother was burning! I awoke to find myself lying on my floor
screaming. The lights were on in my room.

"Funny. You've never fallen off before." my mom was saying as she helped me
to my feet. "If you weren't so big, I'd be able to lift you. Anyway, try to
go back to sleep." she said as she helped me climb back into bed.

"What do you mean I've never fallen off?" I asked confused.

"You do this every day." she said sounding tired. "You scream, and scream
and scream. At first, Linda and I came whenever it happened, but it's old
now, Jay. It's just you." she said sighing. "So, when you actually fell off
the bed, well, I had to come and see."

"I'm sorry, mom." I said softly.

"'S fine. You'll get through it. Whatever." she said yawning.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Two in the morning." she said as she walked out of the room. "Good night."

"Night." I said sighing.

It was easier to be myself when I was around people that I cared
about. People that cared about me, and were trying to get me back on the
right track. That was only Miss Mac, my mom and my aunt, and Avery. The
next day went by in a haze, and half of the time, I was just walking around
without knowing what the hell I was doing. It was after lunch that I sort
of snapped back out of my trance, and paid a little more attention to what
was happening. Avery and Miss Mac had frustrated looks on their faces, and
I had a feeling it had to do with me.

"So, where do you wanna go, Ave?" I asked as we sat in our last
period. There were ten minutes left until the bell. "I'm driving."

"I'm not sure we should do this, man." he said sighing. "You don't look too
good."

"Avery," I said making him look at me with the inflection of my
voice. "please come with me." I said softly. "Please. I need to get away
from my mom. This whole hanging around with girls all the time, it's just
not working."

"I know what you mean, right?" he said smiling at me for the first time in
days. It was an actually genuine smile that lit up his face. "All
right. Let's go play ourselves a good game of pool." he said stretching out
his hand.

I gave him a high five, and we both laughed. "You're driving." I said
smiling.

"I thought you said you were driving." Avery said grinning.

"Naw. I volunteer you." I said smiling.

My mom had known my plans even before I made them. She had taken the tarp
off the bug that I'd tried to destroy, and she had taken it out of the
garage. When Miss Mac dropped me off, the bug was gone, but the VW was
still there. I knew my mom and aunt Linda car pooled, so I knew there was
no one home. As promised, twenty minutes later, Avery came walking up my
drive smiling from ear to ear.

"Yo!" he said as he spotted me. "How's things?"

"Yuh know...There." I said as we both walked to the car.

"Who's this beauty?" he asked touching the VW'S fender.

"It's my mom's actually. I think it's a good car."

"You're telling me, I get to drive this hunk of a car?" he asked grinning.

"You like cars, huh?"

"I build cars!" he said loudly. "The models, not the real ones. You know,
the ones you assemble yourself. Made out of fiberglass."

Bingo. As we got into the car, I knew exactly how I could be with him, yet
not be with him at the same time. He was the biggest car fan out
there. Collected them, had them posted all over his locker, had them
everywhere. If I could keep him talking, I'd be able to just slip away into
my own little bubble, and let him do all the talk+. That way, I wouldn't
have to answer any questions, or say anything that might just break me. So,
that's the way our whole car ride went. He talked, I listened. At one
point, he turned on the radio, and I was careful to listen to see if it was
anything that would bring back memories. It wasn't. It was a song from
Remember the Titans. We both knew it very well. It was like our own
anthem. So, Avery and I sang along and he drove a little fast down the
highway. We got to the bowling alley which housed our favorite pool table,
and we played three games. He beat me twice. We spent a while trying to
pick out people we knew we could beat. Of course, we didn't play for
money. We left the alley, and went to a burger King that was right down the
street from there. We both got our meals, and ate them in the car. All in
all, it was a pretty good time. He even got me to involve myself in the
conversation in spite of my vow to keep silent.

"I think we've got a pretty good chance this year." he said as he took a
sip of his pop.

"Dude, the only way anything could go wrong, is if anyone starts playing
beach ball." I said smiling.

"It's a tradition. During rehearsal, someone always does that. They have
yearbooks, why can't they just sign those?" I asked making a face. "Isn't
your girl on the committee?"

"Yep. She showed me the lame ass cover for this year's." he said
sighing. "She almost cried."

"Why?" I asked worried.

"Jason, it's a hard back book, that looks like a spiral note book. She said
it was the lamest excuse for a year book she's ever seen. And you know this
place. We've had some pretty jank year books."

"I just make my own." I said truthfully. "I get a big ass piece of
construction paper, and make it into an airplane." I said smiling.

"I've seen your excuse for a year book." he said laughing. "What? You're
that poor?"

"I'll have you know, that those planes fly far, thank you very much." I
said laughing. "They fly really good. I think I should be a real pilot."

"I can see that now." said Avery closing his eyes as he crumbled his paper
bag. "Houston, we have a problem. Pilot Jameson has now just managed to
crash his tenth plane today."

"Be nice, Mr. I love cars." I said smiling at him.

"I said I _liked building them. Not driving them. I can be an idiot behind
the wheel."

"Yeah. I saw you texting a couple hours ago." I said grimacing. "You are
such an idiot."

"To friendship." he said honestly. "The kind that always lasts."

We touched our cups together and took a sip. We waited six seconds before
bursting into laughter.

"So, you ready for the big test tomorrow in science?" I asked trying to
cling to something.

"Naw. Haven't even thought about it. I love science, and I know the
subject, but I hate tests."

We spent about fifteen more minutes talking and eating. We ended up getting
some large ice cream cones over at a Dairy Queen that was just before our
houses. Avery seemed to be enjoying himself, and I hated to say it, but I
was actually feeling a sense of normalcy. It felt sort of good. Kind of
strange, though. I didn't know how to react to it very well.

"Jason," said Avery seriously as he turned off the engine to the car. "Can
I have an honest word with you?" he asked.

"Yeah. Sure you can."

"No, I mean _really. You won't lie to me?" he asked sounding
serious. "You'll give me the straight forward shit?"

"Yeah. What?" I asked hoping that he'd stay away from the subject that I so
desperately was trying to avoid.

"Did Miss Mac upset you?" he asked bravely.

"What are you--""

"You were fine for a day, and then today you were all zombie like
again. Did she upset you? Did she bring up _his name?"

Somehow, as I sat with Avery, I felt a compulsion to tell him
everything. To let him into my little shield, and see if he, just like Miss
Mac, and my mom, could make it stronger.

"Look, man, I know what you're going through. I have a story to share with
you." he said sighing. "It'll make me tear up, so I'm sorry. But here
goes. You've met my mom, right?"

"Yeah, she's a nice lady." I said knowing who he was talking about. "Why?"

"Jason, she's not my real mom. I was adopted when I was twelve. I'd been at
the orphanage for ever since I can remember. My mom was born with AIDS. As
she grew older, she became very anemic. My adoptive mom, not my real
mom. She got sick, and as part of a medication regimen, she became
infertile. So, she adopted me. But that's not all. I don't have a
dad. Never did. Never wanted one either. As far as I'm concerned, mom is
all I need. I used to have two." he said as his eyes filled with
tears. "One day, Sheila was driving down the road, and she crashed head on
with a drunk driver. Sheila was my mom's sister. They'd been _together for
their whole lives. Like sisters. But even though, it wasn't normal, there
was a deeper level to their relationship. My mom was in so much pain after
the accident. It took Sheila's life. I was only fourteen at the time. We
had been a happy family for two years. My mom had been with her sister for
her whole life time. They were both abused badly and ended up in foster
care, but they never allowed the courts to separate them. Is this how it is
with you and Blade?"

The name felt like a knife slashing through my already tender wound. The
wave of pain hit me so hard my breathing stopped for a bit. I felt a
movement, and then a pair of arms wrapped around me. My head fell on to
Avery's shoulder, and the tears fell from both our faces.

"I'm sorry." he said softly. "I guess, I can understand what you're going
through, and that's why I'm still here."

"So let me in on what the hell everyone else thinks." I said as my chest
throbbed with the pain. "Because people are avoiding me all the time."

"Jason, it's just hard to be around you. You're just full of
nothingness. You don't speak, you used to not even want to eat, dude. You
were gone. Completely out of it. Teachers would call on you, and you'd
answer the questions, but you'd be flat. There'd be nothing to you." he
said as he held me. "Man, I'm sorry. I know you don't like to hear his
name, but things will get better."

"So, how come you put up with me?" I asked as we both pulled apart.

"Because you're my best friend. I was the new kid in school, and you made
me fit in. I've seen how close you and your brother are. You can't keep
your eyes off each other. My mom never found another partner. So, hey. I'm
right there with you." he said sighing.

"Thanks, dude." I said wiping away the tears. "I really did have a good
time today. You may not believe it, but I really needed that."

"No problem. You need anything else, just let me know."

"Thanks, Ave." I said as we both got out of the car.

Strangely enough, it was okay talking about this with Avery. I didn't feel
so bad afterward. I was able to go home, and face the next task that I had
to do. My mom and aunt Linda were sitting at the table eating ice cream.

"Hey, guy. Want some?" my mom asked as I walked in.

"Naw. I just had some. I went out to eat and got ice cream." I said
sighing.

"Who were you with?" asked my aunt.

"Avery. Member him?"

"Scrawny kid, blonde?" my aunt asked.

"Yes." my mom and I both said smiling.

"Where're you off to?" aunt Linda asked.

"It's ten. I'm going to bed." I said walking over to the stair case.

For the next few weeks, I spent trying to regain what little friends I did
have. There were times when I'd find myself in the most awkward
situations. I found myself at a lunch table with two couples. Two guys from
my classes, and their girlfriends.

"How long have we been together, two years now?" asked Tom turning to his
girlfriend Stephanie.

"It's been the best two years of my life." she said leaning over and
kissing him.

"I love you, too, honey." he said hugging her and kissing her back.

"We're _eating." said Avery beside me. "Go get a room."

"Just because you don't have a girl, you killjoy." said Tom taking his girl
in his arms and beginning to kiss her again.

My heart was slowing down, and I could feel the clammy sensation begin to
het to me. I got up.

"Where are you going, Jason?" asked Avery standing up with me.

"To throw away this plate." I said taking my garbage and backing away from
the table.

"Let's get out of here, Steph. I know a really good place we can go." he
said still kissing her. "Come on, babe."

I threw away my plate, and literally ran to Miss Mac's office. I pounded my
fist at the door and opened it. There sat a man in front of her chair. He
had a bunch of papers in front of them, and she seemed to have been in mid
word.

"Speaking of Jason, here he is Lex." she said as the man turned to face
me. "Come in darlin'." she said as I closed the door behind me. I threw
myself into the bean bag, and curled up into a ball. "Who did it this
time?" she asked a little bitterly.

"Tom and Steph." said Avery's voice as he came walking in. "I have to go
see Mr. Graham. You'll make sure he's okay?" asked Avery concerned.

"I'll make sure he's okay." she said softly as he looked over at me. "See
you in class."

I don't know how the hell I made it. But I did. I guess I sort of went back
into zombie mode. I never once remembered what the hell was going on around
me after this point. I just remember "waking up" and it was rehearsal
day. Even for that I was half a zombie.

"All of you, are going to line up and choose your own seats in the
stadium." Miss Mac said through the bull horn as she held us back outside
in the little entrance, and explained. "Now, you better explain to your
parents how this all works, because I get complaints every year from
parents who ask, "Why is my kid in the back?" Well, it's because you chose
to be in the back." she said smiling. "Now, you guys will do this quietly,
and with no fuss. Please." she said as she opened the stadium doors.

I remember just heading straight for the last chair. Avery followed, with
no complaints or comments. The rest of rehearsal went without error. They
called us through three times to make sure that they could pronounce our
names, and that the principal could get the diplomas in order. The
rehearsal started at eight o'clock, and ended at two. I was tired by the
time I got back home. Afterward, mom aunt Linda and-- well, them, had been
planning to get dinner out, but I had refused. So, I spent time trying to
get ready and pull myself together.

"Jason, I'm going to see Lex." said my mom from down stairs. "Aunt Linda's
going to do your face soon, so get ready."

Because of the fact that I was albino, my face was ghostly white. So, I had
to put on a bunch of blush, and a bunch of makeup to show up in pictures,
and to show up on camera anywhere. It was always a hassle, and I always had
my own preferred makeup artist. If I didn't get my makeup artist, I'd
complain the whole time.

"Come on, kid. Time to sign your life away." my aunt said as she led me to
the bathroom.

"I want Blade to do it!" I moaned. "I hate this. I don't even like makeup!
I fuckin' hate makeup!"

"Hey, I'm just here to do what I'm told. Besides, you don't wanna be the
ghost up there, do yuh?"

"I could care less. I told you, I don't care about graduating. Never
did. I'm just going through the motions."

"Don't be ridiculous." she said as she pushed me on to the toilet seat.

"I want Blade!" I moaned as her fingers traced lines where Blade's gentle
hands had done so many times before.

"Well, you get me. Deal with it." she said as she began to do my eyes.

"Did I mention, I want Blade?" I asked bitterly.

"Yes. Hey, quit blinking so much. I can't do your face well." she said
sighing.

When my mom came back, I saw that her eyes were bright red. She had been
crying. That could only bring bad news.

"Any luck, sis?" my aunt asked.

"Not one cent." she said as she came over to me. "Oh, Jason!" she said and
began to cry. "You look picture perfect, honey!" she sobbed. "Oh! You look
so beautiful, baby!" she said hugging me.

"SO, why cry?" I asked shocked.

"My baby's growing up!" she sobbed as she held me. "My baby's growing up!
You look so handsome, son." she said sobbing.

"I've got your tickets." I said sighing. "One for you, my aunt, and that's
about it." I said softly.

"I thought you got six." my mom said wiping her face. "Did you already give
them away?" she asked.

"I gave one to Avery. Then, I gave a pair to Miss Mac." I said
sighing. "She took three, actually, she said she needed an extra one to let
her other brother in."

"Well, let's go." my mom said smiling. "Jason, dear, which car do you want
to take?" she asked as we all walked down to the front lawn.

"The bug." I said without hesitation. To my great surprise, the numbness
held tight to my body, keeping me protected. So, we all climbed into the
bug, and my aunt Linda drove. Both my mom and my aunt had big purses.

"Make me proud, son." my aunt Linda said as all three of us
hugged. "Remember, stand tall."

"You'll be fine, baby boy. Just remember to be calm." my mom said
smiling. "See you afterward."

"What's in the purses, you weirdoes?" I asked as I looked at the big hand
bags they clutched.

"Air horns!" they both said at the same time. "But just don't tell."

"Aw, brother." I moaned.

It took about fifteen minutes to get started. It was supposed to be
starting at eight, and it started at eight ten. We'd all been out here
since seven fifty trying to get ready. When we all started marching in,
that took another five minutes. There was clapping, and shouting, and
yelling. We all made our way to our seats, and stood, waiting for the word
to sit.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the class of ninety-eight!" the principal shouted to
tumultuous applause.

It took a while before names actually started to be called. It took about
forty minutes to get through all the speakers, and everything else. The
names took even longer.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to ask you to please hold your applause,
until each row is done." said Miss Mac into the mic as she began to call
names.

Miss Mac lasted up there for a while. Then, the vise principal took
over. Then, it was the real principal who took up for a while. It was a
little slow, but it went on. I felt strange. Like everything was going in
slow motion. Like everything was going in a dream speed. Yet, it was almost
time for my name to be called. I felt a sharp pull, and turned in my seat
to find Avery tugging at my arm. We both rose together. We went over to the
stairs to stand at one end of the stage. The principal started to call our
row's names. It took a while to get to the half way point.

"Dylan Thomson." the man said through to mic. "Tasha Goldstein. Avery
McNeil," That's when I heard the familiar wolf whistle.

"We love you, Avery!" shouted a voice. My heart stopped. I promise you, my
heart stopped at that point. I faintly heard the blast of an air horn.

"Jason Jameson." said the man through the mic.

I started walking. I felt like I was on skates. I began to walk as fast,
yet as gracefully as I could through the stage. It seemed to have grown. It
was now, the size of a football field. Or was this just nerves?

"All right, Jason!" that voice shouted again. "I love you, son!"

I walked up to the two principals, and shook both their hands with my left,
while I took the diploma with my right. I made it to the other end of the
stage, and walked slowly down the stairs at the other end. There was
another wolf whistle. I took my seat, and the whole stadium burst into
applause. The principal went and took the podium.

"At this point in time, would the class of ninety-eight please stand?" he
requested.

Avery tugged me to my feet again. Somehow, I almost began to cry.

"Students, you may now flip your tassels to the other side of your mortar
boards. You have now officially completed your high school education. My
staff, along with myself, wish you all the best." he said as the whole
place burst into applause.

There was a sea of caps as they were all thrown into the air. Avery whooped
and hugged me.

"We did it, ma'man!" he yelled snatching my cap and throwing it with all
his might. It sailed above the heads of a lot of people, and disappeared
from my view.

"We did it." I said as I hugged Avery back.

"Jason!" shouted a voice.

I turned, and saw little pixie Miss Mac running to me. "You look so
wonderful, baby! Oh, I'm so proud!" she sobbed as she hugged me. "You'll
keep in touch, right?" she asked kissing my face.

"I have to. I don't know what I'd do without you." I said hugging her. "I
love you, Miss Mac."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. You look just like a little angel." she said
smiling. "I'll call you. I think my brother's waiting for me." she said
smiling.

No sooner had she gone, then another pair of arms wrapped around me. I
looked down, and saw my aunt Linda standing behind my mom as my mom hugged
me. She was sobbing too hard to say a word as she held me tight.

"Mom, don't cry." I said sighing. "It's okay."

"My baby!" she sobbed as she held me. "My baby's going off to college."

I hugged my aunt Linda. She hugged me back shoving something into my
hands. "I'll take that." she said taking my diploma. "Here's this."

I almost fainted. It was a bouquet of flowers. Six red roses, and six white
roses. I saw something in the middle, and reached in to get it. It was a
card.

Jason, I'm proud of you. I love you with all my heart, and you don't have
to question that. Your my best friend. You remain, my power, my pleasure,
my pain.  With love, Your Big Brother, Blade.

There were a couple quotes at the bottom of the card.

"I'd run for you, kill for you, fight for you, die for you. Cry for you,
even look a cop straight in the eye, and lie for you."

"If you're asking if I need you, the answer is forever. If you ask if I
will leave you, the answer is always never."

I couldn't hold back the tears any more. I began to cry. My mom and aunt
Linda ushered me to the camera, and they took pictures. I took one with my
mom, one with my aunt, and two more with them while holding the
flowers. Then, I took another picture by myself with just the flowers.

"He's too over come." my mom said to someone. "I guess he ain't smiling."

I walked out of the stadium hoping to avoid anyone else. I just wanted to
get home. The pain threatened to leave my body paralyzed soon, if I didn't
get home. I walked in between the bug, and my mom's VW, to try and get to
the door of the back seat. Wait a minute, what the hell was my mom's VW
doing here? We'd all ridden in the bug! What the fuck? I turned around and
went back to my mom and my aunt. My eyes saw the image before I could
process it. There, standing against the bug, was my brother, hugging my
mom. Wait a minute. My eyes went from the bug, to the VW, to my mom, and
aunt Linda, to the handsome tall figure standing with them, to the man
standing right behind them all.

"We won the case, and he didn't even have to go to trial." Lex was saying
shaking hands with my mom and my aunt. He came over and shook my hand. I
handed the bouquet to my mom, and almost in slow motion, I walked straight
for my brother. My mom and my aunt were talking to Lex, but I had no eyes
but for Blade. I stumbled over to him, and he caught me in his strong arms,
wrapping me up in that oh too familiar embrace. I was too overcome with
emotion to speak or care what the hell happened. I just sobbed into his
perfect chest.

"My Jason." he whispered. "I'm so proud of you,." he was saying as he held
me. "I knew you could do it, baby." he said squeezing me.

I couldn't speak. I just stood there, leaning against him. I think my feet
were no longer holding me up. I think Blade was the one keeping me from
falling straight on my face.

"It's okay, love." he said as he held me. "It's okay. Don't cry."

How the hell was I not supposed to cry? This was my brother here! He was
back! I wrapped my arms tighter around him pressing the palms of my hands
against his leather back. He felt real, and strong, and smelled
wonderful. He looked just like I remembered.

"Why don't you and Jason bring the bug home?" one of the girls asked way
far away from me.

"Sounds good." my brother was saying. "You got everything?"

I remember him helping me into the passenger seat, and my reluctance to let
him go. He kept reassuring me that he'd be right beside me in a couple of
seconds, but I didn't want to let him go.

"Jason, baby, I'll be right here." he said trying to extract himself from
me. "I promise, love."

So, we both got into the car, and he drove off at the same time that my mom
and my aunt drove off. I reached over, and took hold of his warm, soft
hand. He didn't move. He laced his fingers through mine, and we drove
off. It took us about a half hour to get back to the house. When we did, we
were both surprised to see that there was no car in the drive way. We both
got out, and I took the keys from my jacket, and unlocked the door. We both
walked in. The roses were on the coffee table, and the diploma was right
beside it. There was a note on the roses.

Boys, We're leaving for the night. You two need some time together. Call us
if you need anything, and I love you. Oh, and please. _Don't call _us. Mom.

I turned to Blade, and saw him for the first time. He was dressed in a very
handsome black suit, and a nice looking leather jacket. I handed him the
note. I walked over to the door and closed and locked it. I walked over to
him, and he took my hand. We walked over to the couch, and sat down. He
wrapped me up tight in his arms.

"I told you I'd be there, love." he whispered as he stroked my hair. "I
can't break a promise to my boy."

I undid myself from him roughly, and took off my gown. Just as I was
folding it, he tapped my head. I set the gown on the coffee table, and
turned to him. I gasped. There was my cap in his hands.

"I caught it when someone threw it. It actually hit me in the face."

"Thank you for the flowers." I said softly smiling. Tears began to stream
from my eyes.

"I had to find a way to let you know that I was there. I wouldn't leave my
boy alone." he said. "Jason, I'm dying for you. I want you." he said
softly. "Come to me, baby." he begged. I walked over to him, and we hugged
again. "Kiss me, Jason. Please." he begged.

I just sat there with him, kissing him. We just both sat for a while. It
felt like eternities had gone by, before he spoke. He ran his fingers
through my short hair, and stroked my face. He sighed as he held me.

"I'm back, Jason." he said softly as his lips pressed against mine. I
didn't say anything. I just kissed him back as passionately as I
could. "Jason. I'm so glad they let me out. You don't know what it was like
over there. I was dying to see your beautiful porcelain face." he said as
he pressed his lips against my jugular. "To kiss those sweet red lips. To
hold you, and tell you that I missed you. Jason." he said as he kissed me.

"I'm glad you're back." I said as my arms tightened around him. "I missed
you too. Hell, I miss you, still." I said softly as I stroked his hair.

"I'm so sorry, bro. I had no clue what the hell I was doing when I
left. Please, forgive me."

"How the hell were you gonna stop it? Run out on the cops?" I asked
bitterly.

The pain was still there. I hated it. It felt like I was being gutted with
the knife that had both sides serrated. I looked straight into his eyes.

"You have no clue how lost I was without you, Jason. Sometimes, I really
wondered if I was going to make it through the night. I was in so much
pain. The sound of your name would bring me to my knees. I really didn't
know what to do. I called every day, but you never wanted to talk to me. I
heard you in the background, telling my mom what to say to me. Jason, my
heart was crushed. I really thought I wasn't going to make it to your
graduation. I was counting on Lex more than I could say! I got there right
as the speeches were ending. I found mom, and aunt Linda, and they told me
everything. I got to talk to Miss Mac, and she told me a lot. It was
painful to hear how you'd been. I understood why, though. Because I felt
the same way. I still can't believe I'm here. I'm holding you." he said as
he leaned down and kissed me. "I swear, Jason! Sometimes, all I wanted to
do was let the misery take me. I just wanted to curl up and be there." he
said softly as he squeezed me to him. "I just needed to find a way back to
you."

Everything he said, sounded too much like me. He was describing all of my
pain, all of my darkness. Everything he said. It was just what I'd gone
through. I felt like I was lost, and couldn't find my way back.

"What did I say to mom when you called?" I asked as my eyes began to
stream.

"You told her to tell me that I was worthless. How could I leave you when
you needed a man the most? A man, you said. You needed someone because our
good for nothing father had left. You'd tell her every day to leave you
alone, and that you really didn't wanna talk to me at all. Once, you even
wished me dead." he said as I began to shake and tremble in his arms. "So,
I just gave up!" he said as he too began to weep. "I didn't know if you
cared any more. I didn't know if you'd still be you when I came back. I was
right." he said as he let out a soft sob.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I wiped tears from his face.

"Jason! All the light is gone from your face. You look aged, Jason." he
said through sobs. "You look like you've aged about twenty six years! All
the bright light is gone from your eyes, and you don't smile anymore. You
grimace. It's not the smile I fell in love with. You're different. You are
stiff in my arms right now, you're not in to us." he said softly. "I'm not
so sure what happened. You just let me know what you want us to do."

"Blade." I said trying to speak through my tears. "I'm not sure what
happened. I just know that I'm in so much pain, that it almost kills
me. You don't hold me like that!" I yelled with anguish as I pushed him
away. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and his flew to my waist. I
unwrapped one of my arms from around him, and I pressed my hand against my
gut, keeping it between us. "Literally! You hear songs about how painful it
is to lose a lover, and you think, "That's just a bunch of bullshit." But
it's not, Blade! I literally can't breathe. I'm stuck! I can't do
anything. You're back, but it's like you're not back. It's like you're
still gone. And you being here is making things so much worse. The only way
I know I'm bearing it, is because I'm still here."

"I'd do anything for you, Jason. All you have to do is ask. Would you like
me to leave you alone?" he said as tears fell on to my shoulders.

"No!" I said as my sobs got worse. "Please! I don't know if I'd actually
make it this time around, Blade. Seriously." I said as I pressed my hand
harder against my aching torso.

"You know that card in the flowers? All that is true." he said softly. "I'd
do anything for you, Jason. I really would." he said softly. "And I really
am proud of what you've done."

"Blade?" I said through a sob. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too. He said softly. "I also love what you've done to _your
room." he said smiling. "And the bible I gave you for Christmas. It does
look as if I've never existed."

"I'm sorry!" I said as I threw my arms around his shoulders. "I really
am. I just couldn't see or hear about you. Every time I would, it would
hurt me so badly. You really broke my heart, Blade." I said sadly.

"Oh, Jason. I'm so sorry." he said as he squeezed me a little
tighter. "What can I do?" he asked as he reached out and wiped tears from
my face.

"Nothing. You're here, and I'm able to see, and feel you. That's all that
matters." I said as I placed a hand against his beating heart.

"I love you, Jason." he said softly.

"That's why we're here." I said as we both kicked off our shoes and lay
down on the rug. I noticed a thick blanket on one of the couches and I
pulled it down and placed it over us. My mom and aunt Linda were here
before! Blade was quick to wrap his arms around me again. This time, I felt
the love. I couldn't help but returning it as he hesitantly kissed me. I
found myself kissing him back. He didn't say anything. He just held me, and
smiled.

"I'm so glad you're back." I said as I smiled back.

"Mmmmmm! There's that beautiful smile I've been looking for." he said
giving me a hot tongue kiss. "There's that pair of really bright eyes." he
said as he kissed me again.

"Blade." I said sighing. "You're strange."

"As are you, Jason." he said smiling. "You're an idiot."

"But I'm your idiot." I said. smiling.

"Jason. Oh, baby." he said as he kissed me again.

"Keep doing that, and I'm going to lose it right here." I said smiling.

"You know, our birthday's coming up." he said as he still held me. "What do
you want?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just you." I said pleadingly. "What do you want?"

"Y." he said smiling. "A nice dinner would be great. Aunt Linda style."

"Blade," I said as my cock began to harden as he kissed me for the fourth
time. "What _do you want?" I asked looking into his eyes.

"Maybe a new set of seat covers." he said sighing. "The bug's got all torn
off by an albino zombie. So did the stereo."

"No. I mean, what do you want me to do to you?" I asked as I got up and
went to get the jar of lube on the coffee table. My mom and aunt Linda had
really prepared this room for us.

"Fuck me." he said bluntly standing up at the same time. "I want you,
Jason. Fuck me."

Blade and I began to scramble to get undressed. It was hard to tell who
said what as we tried as fast as we could to tear off every piece of
clothing, jeans, boxers, shirts. So, it was really hard to figure out who
said what. "Don't keep me waiting! I'm not trying to! Oops! there goes my
last pair. Who cares, you can wear mine, I've got plenty. Come on, I need
you to fuck me. Oh I'm sure you do. I've wanted you for so long. Yeah?
Yeah. I've missed you. I can't wait to make love to you. Don't keep me
waiting. Oops, don't rip those. Too late. Come on, let me show you how much
I need you. Oh, baby, you look so hot."

I was lying on the rug now, completely naked. Blade was kneeling beside
me. "Damn!" he moaned. "Forget about the fuckin' lube. I'll just suck you
off, stud." he said as he leaned down and kissed me.

As he kissed me, I felt like he was breathing life back into me. He reached
down and began to stroke my hard cock. I moaned.

"So perfectly white." he said as his lips pressed against my jugular. "Are
you feeling okay?" he asked.

How did I answer that straight forward? Was I feeling okay? Well, at the
moment, I was okay. I wasn't feeling anything at all. Not love, for Blade,
not anything. Should I tell him? "I'm fine. Why?" I asked.

"You're so cold, love." he said stroking my belly. "You're so cold. It's
almost like you've got no blood flow." he said smiling. "But wow. You're so
white."

Blade began kissing my chest. He was slow. I didn't feel a thing as he went
on. He went down to my belly, and cover me in kisses. He smiled up at me
and looked into my eyes. His smile faded as quickly as it had come.

"I'm so sorry, Jason." he said as he plunged downward.

He began to french kiss my length. The feeling was so amazing. "Mmmmmm." he
moaned. He took my length into his mouth, and began sucking on it. Not just
like any old time, he was sucking as if it was a slice of water melon. He
was into this. The room was full of slurping, as he bobbed his head up and
down. That's when the feelings crashed over me. I was floating. I was
light! Blade was back with me! I was so aroused as I watched my shaft
sliding in and out of his mouth. He was just so into it, I almost laughed.

"Okay, Blade!" I moaned loudly. "You can stop now! Blade! Stop! Blade!" I
cried as my orgasm hit. "Blade, no!" I yelled as I lost control. "Stop!
Stop! No! Blade, stop!"

It was too late. I moaned loudly as I thrust into his mouth. It felt so
amazing to be here. I was fucking his mouth as hard as I could. My load
shot straight down his throat as I screamed and pleaded.

"Faster, Blade! Faster! Oh fuck!" I moaned as I finished.

Suddenly, I was still. Blade held me in his mouth as I softened. He gently
let go of me. He still knelt beside me, as I lay there, statue still. He
looked right into my eyes.

"Did you enjoy that?" he asked.

"Fuck yeah." I said looking straight into his eyes. "So much."

"Come on, baby. Give me that sweet cock." he said seductively. "Fill me."

I sat up and turned to him. I pushed him down, and lifted his legs to my
shoulders. Before I knew it, my cock was pushing at his entrance. He let
out a really big laugh.

"You know just where it is, doncha?" he asked smiling and laying back.

He closed his eyes, and lay still. I pressed my cock deeper, and waited for
him to let me in. I saw tears fill his eyes as he gasped.

"Baby, you've got a big cock." he moaned.  I gently pushed, and felt him
wince. I knew it was painful, and didn't say anything about his
expression. Tears actually started to stream down on to the pillow his head
was on. "Only you, baby." he moaned as he shifted under me. "Only you."

Soon, I was all the way in. I leaned down, and kissed him. This time, the
kiss was real. I felt whole. I felt alive. I was on fire! I had never felt
so amazing in so long. I let out a moan as I kissed him. He felt so
wonderful.

"You like that?" I asked as I started thrusting in and out. "Yeah?"

"Oh yeeeaaah." he moaned as I went faster. "It feels so good, Jason."

"I love your ass." I moaned as I felt myself harden again.

I slowly thrust in and out of him, trying to make it last as long as I
could. He felt wonderful. The room was full of moans and sighs from both of
us.

"Kiss me, love." he moaned as he lifted his head.

I didn't hesitate. My lips pressed against his, and I kissed him slowly. He
was thrusting back at me with every stroke I gave.

"Oh Blade." I moaned as I went faster. "Your ass is so hot."

"It's just for you, baby." he said as I picked up speed. "Just for you."

It was incredible. I felt so alive, and so into what I was doing. I felt my
balls contract, and my orgasm started to hit me again. I moaned as I began
to fill him.

"Cum with me, Blade." I moaned as I gently began to jack him off. "Cum with
me, baby. Cum with me."

"Oh, fuck!" he moaned as he shot a load. It went straight into the air, and
I caught it in my open mouth. He moaned as he saw what was happening. "Oh,
god, that's so hot!" he moaned as he shot off again. "Jason. You're so
good."

"Want some?" I asked as I leaned down and kissed him. His arms wrapped
around my waist, and he held me down. My softening cock was still deep
inside him. He moaned. I found myself returning every kiss as slowly, and
sweetly as he had.

"You want me?" he asked as I pulled out.

"Yeah! So much." I said covering him with kisses just as he had me.

Blade was back. He was back again. It was something I couldn't fathom. I
saw him, and he looked real. My left palm pressed against his smooth,
russet chest. I could feel the beating of his heart. He and I were similar
in one way, if any. We were both tall, (Of course, he was a couple heads
taller than me.), but we were both really thin. It was strange, because we
both ate tons of food all the time. I could feel his heart beating against
my palm as he lay in front of me. I did as he had, and covered his russet
torso with kisses. First starting at his chest, then making my way down to
his belly. My eyes lifted to look at his face. His eyes were closed, and he
was smiling at me. I loved looking at the reddish color of his skin. He
looked just as amazing to me as I looked to him. He had color in his skin.
Sometimes I looked in the mirror and I swear I was dead. That's how white I
am.

"Blade." I said as I took his length into my mouth.

Some sort of instinct came over me. I had to make him feel as good, if not
better, than I had felt. I had to show him how glad I was that he was with
me. That he hadn't left me just as he'd promised. I began to devour his
thin ten inch love stick. He thrust back at me as I took him into my mouth.
I began to deep throat him, and hum a low tuneless song. The vibrations
would give him a wonderful sensation that I knew drove him crazy. I sounded
like I was meditating or something as I bobbed up and down on his sweet
hard cock.

"Mmmmmm?"

"Yeah!" he replied to my questioning hum. "That feels so good, Jason. Suck
it." he begged.

I devoured him just like he'd done me. Working on his shaft as if he were a
delicious lollipop. He moaned as he thrust his hips into my face. I smiled
as I sucked gently and ran my tongue across the underside of his shaft. He
began to thrust even faster, and I deep throated him once more.

"You drive me crazy, Jason." he moaned as he started to run his fingers
through my hair. "Oh, suck it, baby!" he begged. "Oh fuck yeah. That's it!"
he groaned as I gently started licking across his balls.

I gently sucked, and slurped on his cock as long as I could. I could feel
him throbbing in my mouth. It was so erotic, I almost lost it myself. He
moaned as he pressed his hands against the back of my head, and pressed me
deeper into his cock. I willingly opened as wide as I could, and sucked him
as far as I could into my throat.

"Mmmmmm?"

"Fuck yeeeaaah!" he replied groaning. "Oh, Jaaaason!" he groaned loudly as
he exploded. "That's it, baby! Right there. Fuck yeeeeaaaah." he moaned as
he shot his load into my waiting mouth.

I held the last drops of his cum in my mouth, and came up and kissed him.
Just as I fed him his seed, he moaned. "Let me fuck you." he said through
fast breaths. "Don't keep me waiting, lover."

"Oh, Blade. Give me that cock." I moaned as I lay on the rug.

He lifted my legs up to his shoulders, and gently pushed against my ass
with his cock. I relaxed my sphincter, and he slid in easily, lubricated by
my spit. I let out a moan. It felt so hot to be filled by my brother.

"Yeah. Ride that cock." he moaned as I thrust in and out controlling the
pace. "That's it, baby. Ride that cock." he moaned.

"Oh, Blade. That feels good." I said lifting my head up to him. "Kiss me."
I begged.

He thrust slowly. His strokes were slow, and gentle. He wanted this to
last, and so did I. He held me as he stopped every once in a while. He
would stop, and hold, and kiss me. He'd breath into my ear, and tell me he
loved me. How handsome he thought I looked. Then, he'd begin our fuck
again. I loved the way he kept a straight rhythm. He reached down at one
point, and started jacking me off.

"Aw, Blade!" I moaned.

"You like that, baby? You like my torpedo up your ass?" he asked as he
jacked me off.

"Uh-huh." I moaned almost unable to answer.

Blade had a strange cock. Yes, it was hot, but it was shaped just like a
torpedo. It was thick at the base, and sort of tapered as you came to the
head. It looked really good to suck on. Blade and I joked around that we
looked just like twins, except for the height, the shape of our cocks, and
the color of our skins.

"You like that, baby?" he asked through a kiss as he went faster. "Want me
to speed it up? Tell me what I like to hear!"

"Aw, yeah!" I moaned going crazy with the feeling of him fucking me.
"Faster, Blade. Ram that torpedo in me!"

"That's it, Jason. Ride that cock." he said as I thrust back at him while
he pushed down. "Ride that cock, baby. You gon' cum with me?" he asked.

"Uh-huh!" I screamed. I couldn't say any real words. I was too over joyed.

"Cum with me!" he coaxed as he stroked my hard on. "Cum with me, baby! Cum
with me. Cum with Blade." he said as he began to thrust into me at full
speed.

We both moaned. We started thrusting fast, and I could feel his hand
wrapped around my raging cock. I was ready to cum! Yet he was teasing
me. He and I moaned and it crascendoed into a scream of passion as we both
began to shoot. I moaned as I sprayed my cum all over both of us, and he
screamed as he shot into my awaiting ass.

"Oh, Blade! Fill me!" I moaned as I felt that sensation of warmth spread
through my ass. I groaned as he shot load after load into me.

"Oh, fuck!" he cried out as he fell on top of me. "Oh. That was good.
Fuck." he gasped as he lay there still inside me. My cum was slick between
both our bellies.

"You enjoy that?" he asked.

"Mmmmmm." I replied as he and I kissed.

We both went into the bathroom, and got into the shower. It was strange,
but we kept our hands off of each other. It was three in the morning when
we finally made it back to the couch. I lay down in front of the fire place
again, and he came to lay with me. He brought the blanket over us, and
smiled at me in the full moon. I felt okay, actually. Everything was
fine. Maybe. If I could just forget about what happened. Blade seemed to be
reading my mind.

"Those were the worst two eternities of my life." he said as he reached for
me again. "You look bad, Jason. You look zombified again." he said smiling.

"That's strange." I said as I snuggled into him. "I can still hear you.
When I was--well, a while ago, I couldn't hear anyone. I paid attention,
and kept a decent conversation, but I couldn't do very much." I said
sighing. "According to Miss Mac, I couldn't even put on my own seatbelt in
the car."

"The brightness is gone from your very beautiful white face." he said
kissing me. "I promise, Jason. As long as I can avoid it, I will never
leave you again. I'm crazy about you, baby."

"I'm so glad you're back, Blade. I love you." I said squeezing him tight.

"I love you, too, Jason. That's why we're here." he mumbled as he stroked
my face. "Just like stone." he said smiling. "So perfectly smooth, and
white." Blade pressed his lips against my jugular vein and smiled. As far
as I was concerned, if I never moved from this spot again, I'd be quite
okay with that. It was supposed to be fate. Blade and I were supposed to be
brought together this way. It was called incest, but I couldn't fight the
feelings that pulled me to him. I knew that I could never be parted from
him, because something would happen. My heart would break, or my life would
just come to an end. As we lay there together, on the rug, his gentle hand
stroked my face, tracing lines through the curves of my cheeks, and my jaw.
As my eyes closed, he reached over and took off my glasses.

"Blade, I wanna look at you." I said pleadingly as my vision left me. Now,
all I could see was blurred lines everywhere.

"Go to sleep, love." he said as his arms wrapped around me again. "You'll
be fine. You can feel me. I'm right here, baby. Holding you." he said as
his lips pressed against mine.

"Blade." I said as my head fell on to the pillow. He lolled me to sleep by
tracing his hands through my face, and the last thing I heard, was his
gentle soprano.

"Such a perfect white face. Your eyes are so beautiful. Your mouth is so
sweet. So red." he said as he kissed me. "Oh, Jason, baby. Jason."